The Simpsons Movie script

(DRUMROLL)
(ROUSING ORCHESTRAL
FANFARE PLAYING)
(RALPH SCREECHILY
SINGING WITH FANFARE)
(FANFARE ENDS)
(LOW, PULSATING RUMBLE)
(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
(TRIUMPHANT THEME PLAYING)
(ORCHESTRA CRESCENDOES)
(PERCUSSION BOOMING)
We come in peace
for cats and mice everywhere.
(SCREAMING)
(GLASS BREAKS, AIR HISSING)
(POPPING)
(LAUGHING)
(ORCHESTRAL FANFARE PLAYING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
Hey, how you doing? Good to see you.
Thanks for coming out.
(PRESIDENTIAL SONG PLAYING)
SCRATCHY: Itchy... Itchy...
(AIR HORN BLASTS)
(QUIET, OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)
(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC
GROWS LOUDER)
(SNAPS FINGERS)
(CLICK)
(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)
(MUSIC CRESCENDOES)
(LOUD BUZZING)
(MISSILES RUMBLING)
(MISSILES WHIZZING
THROUGH AIR)
(SCREAMING)
(MISSILE WHIZZING)
(MECHANICAL RATCHETING)
(METALLIC CLUNK)
(LOUD EXPLOSION)
Boring!
LISA: Dad, we can't see the movie!
I can't believe we're paying to see
something we get on TV for free.
If you ask me, everybody
in this theater is a giant sucker,
especially you!
(CHORUS SINGING)
♪ Movie on the big screen!
(THEME PLAYING)
(CREAKING, THUD)
(PEN SQUEAKS)
(MARTIN HOWLING)
(ROCK BAND JOINS IN
ON THE SIMPSONS THEME)
(CROWD CHEERING)
(STRAINED GRUNTING)
Excuse me, my heinie is dipping.
-(OTHERS GROAN IN DISGUST)
-(LOUD THUD, GRUNT)
♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
♪ Hey! Hey!
♪ Hey! Hey!
(TO THE SIMPSONS THEME)
♪ Da, da, da, da-da, da, da
♪ Da, da-da-da-da
CROWD: ♪ Da-da-da-da-da
♪ Da-da-da-da! ♪
(SONG ENDS, CHEERING)
All right, well,
thanks a lot for coming.
We've been playing
for three and a half hours.
Now we'd like just a minute of your time
to say something
about the environment!
-(CROWD QUIETS)
-CRICKETS CHIRPING)
(LOUD BOOING)
MAN 1: You suck!
MAN 2: Shut up and play!
-Preachy!
-We're not being preachy.
But the pollution in your lake,
it's dissolving our barge!
(CROWD BOOING)
I thought they touched on a vital issue.
I beg to differ.
(GRUNTS)
(SCREECHY GASP)
Gentlemen, it's been an honor
playing with you tonight.
(PLAYING
"NEARER MY GOD TO THEE")
(ORGAN PLAYING)
For the latest rock band
to die in our town,
Lord, hear our prayer.
CONGREGATION:
Lord, hear our prayer.
(CAR SCREECHES TO A HALT)
MARGE: I hate being late.
HOMER: Well, I hate going.
Why can't I worship the Lord
in my own way...
by praying like hell on my deathbed?
MARGE: Homer,
they can hear you inside.
HOMER: Relax. Those pious
morons are too busy
talking to their phony-baloney God.
(QUIETLY) How you doing?
Peace be with you. Praise Jebus.
(GRAMPA SNORING)
(ORGAN PLAYING QUIETLY)
(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)
-(VIDEO GAME GUNFIRE)
-(BABIES SCREAMING)
(VIDEO GAME SOUNDS STOP)
Now, today I'd like to try
something a little different.
I'm going to call on one of you!
(MAN YELPS)
(CHUCKLES) Now, the word
of God dwells within everyone.
I want you to let that word out.
-Let your spirit...
-NED: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
(FRUSTRATED SIGH) What is it, Ned?
The good Lord is telling me
to confess to something.
(QUIETLY)
Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
An immodest sense of pride
in our community!
Somebody else?
Let the Lord's light shine upon you.
-(HEAVENLY CHOIR SINGING)
-(SNORING)
Feel the spirit.
Let it out!
Horrible, horrible things
are going to happen!
And they're gonna happen to you
and you and you!
-And you!
-(GASPS)
Whoa, Nelly.
(GOOFY GASPING)
(GRUNTING)
(BEEP)
People of Springfield,
heed this warning!
Twisted tail!
A thousand eyes!
Trapped forever!
(GRUNTING LIKE THREE STOOGES)
Dad, do something!
This book doesn't have any answers!
Beware, beware! Time is short!
EPA! EPA! EPA!
(LOUD THUD)
Believe me! Believe me!
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(CONTINUES SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Thanks for listening.
Okay, who wants waffles?
ALL: I do! I do! I do!
Wait a minute. What about Grandpa?
-I want syrup.
-I want strawberries!
Something happened to that man.
I'll tell you what happened to him. A
certain someone had a senior moment.
But that's okay, because we love him
and we got a free rug out of it.
What is the point of
going to church every Sunday
when if someone we love has a
genuine religious experience,
we ignore it? Right, Grandpa?
I want bananas on my waffles!
I rest my case.
I'm not dropping this.
Wait a minute! I'm still in the car.
Oh, right.
Hmm...
"Take out hornets' nest."
(HORNETS BUZZING)
(FRENZIED BUZZING)
Check. "Fix sinkhole."
(QUIET SUCKING)
(SUCKING CONTINUES)
-(PLOP)
-(SUCKING STOPS)
Check.
"Reshingle roof"?
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
Steady...
Steady...
-(LOUD SQUISH)
-HOMER: Ow-how-how!
-Ow-how-how!
-(BART LAUGHING)
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
(YELLS) Why, you little...
I'll teach you to laugh
at something that's funny!
(EXHALES) You know, we are on
the roof. We could have some fun.
What kind of fun?
How about a dare contest?
That sounds fun. I dare you to...
climb the TV antenna.
Piece of cake.
-Earthquake!
-(LAUGHING)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING AND GASPS)
(GRUNTING)
Aftershock!
-(PLAYFUL GRUNTING)
-(BART LAUGHING)
NED: Homer, I don't mean to be
a nervous Pervis or anything,
but if he falls, couldn't that
make your boy a parapleg-erino?
Shut up, Flanders.
-Yeah, shut up, Flanders.
-Well said, boy.
BOTH: Yeah!
Steady... Steady...
Steady...
HOMER: Ah!
-(THUDS)
-(BART LAUGHING)
(KNOCKING)
LISA: Hello. Sorry to
bother you on a Sunday,
but I'm sure you're as worried about
the pollution in Lake Springfield as I am.
(DOOR SLAMS)
(KNOCKING)
LISA: Lake Springfield has
higher levels of mercury than even...
(DOOR SLAMS)
WOMAN: Why, it's the little
girl who saved my cat.
LISA: Lake Springfield is...
-(DOOR SLAMS)
-(SIGHS)
(DOORS SLAMMING)
(DOG YELPS)
(DOOR SLAMS)
-(BELL RINGS)
-(SHIP'S HORN BLOWS)
(GROANS) Oh...
-(DOOR CREAKS)
-Come on over, Lisa.
You can canvass me
as long as you want.
Milhouse, you don't care
about the environment.
Hey! I am very passionate
about the planet!
Say global warming is a myth!
It's a myth! Further study is needed!
(GRUNTS)
That's for selling out your beliefs!
Oh, poor Milhouse.
-Dream coming true.
-(KNOCKING)
COLIN: Are you aware that
a leaky faucet can waste over...
-(DOOR SLAMS)
-2,000 gallons a year.
-And turning off your lights can save...
-Enough energy to power Pittsburgh.
And if we just kept our
thermostats at 68 in winter...
We'd be free from our dependency
on foreign oil in 17 years!
-I'm Colin.
-(GASPS SOFTLY)
I haven't seen you at school.
Just moved from Ireland.
My dad's a musician.
-Is he...
-He's not Bono.
I just thought because you're
Irish and you care about...
He's not Bono.
Do you play?
Just piano, guitar,
trumpet, drums and bass.
LISA: (THINKING) He's pure gold!
For once in your life, be cool.
So is your name as pretty as your face?
Oh!
(SCREECHES) Ha! Ha!
You okay there?
(LISA GAGGING)
(CHOKING AND GIGGLING)
Twisted tail! A thousand eyes!
Trapped forever! EPA! EPA!
"EPA." What could that be?
I believe it's the sound
the Green Lantern made
when Sinestro threw him
into a vat of acid.
Epa!
Yeah. Uh, thanks for coming over.
Thanks for giving me
your pregnancy pants.
I've never known comfort like this.
(ELASTIC SLAPS)
-(BB'S PINGING)
-(HOMER GRUNTING)
D'oh! Oh, why did I... Oh! Suggest this?
(SHRIEKING) Oh! Aah!
Ow! Ee! Aah! Aah!
(CONTINUES SHRIEKING)
(TIMER DINGS)
All right, boy, time for the ultimate dare.
I dare you to skateboard
to Krusty Burger and back...
naked.
-How naked?
-Fourth base.
But girls might see my doodle.
(MOCKING) Oh, I see. Then
I hereby declare you "chicken for life."
Every morning, you'll wake up
to "Good morning, chicken."
At your wedding, I'll sing,
(CLUCKING WEDDING SONG)
(SURPRISED CLUCK)
(SURF ROCK PLAYING)
(PEOPLE GASP)
I like men now.
Don't look where I'm pointing!
(SIREN WAILING)
WIGGUM: Stop in the name of
American squeamishness!
-(TIRES SCREECH)
-(DRIVERS GASPING)
Boys, before we eat, don't forget
to thank the Lord for this bountiful...
Penis!
BOTH: Bountiful penis.
Amen.
(GLASS SQUEAKING)
Listen, kid, nobody
likes wearing clothes in public,
but, you know, it-it's the law.
Lunchtime!
You can't just leave me out here.
Don't worry. We found
a friend for you to play with.
Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
(HOARSELY) Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha...
Nelson, honey, where have you been?
Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
Dad!
What seems to be the problem, officers?
Tell them you dared me to do it.
If that's true, then you should be
taking the rap here, not your son.
And what happens to me if it's my fault?
You'll have to attend
a one-hour parenting class.
It was all his idea!
He's out of control, I tell you!
I'm at my wit's end!
(SOBBING) It's so...
WIGGUM: See you in court, kid.
Okay, son, let's get some lunch.
Did you at least bring my clothes?
Shirt, socks, everything you need.
-You didn't bring my pants!
-Who am I, Tommy Bahama?
(SIGHS) Oh, this is
the worst day of my life.
The worst day of your life so far.
-Say, Bart?
-What do you want, Flanders?
If you need pants, I carry an extra pair.
I mean, you know how boys are,
always praying through the knees.
Why are you helping me?
I'm not your kid.
We're neighbors. I'm sure your father
would do the same for my boys.
HOMER: Thank you.
(CHOMPING) Mm, mm, mm...
(MUMBLING)
-Hey, what's with you?
-You really want to know?
Of course I do.
What kind of a father
wouldn't care about...
A pig wearing a hat!
MAN: Action.
Hey, hey! It's your old pal Krusty, for
my new pork sandwich, the Klogger!
If you can find a greasier sandwich,
you're in Mexico!
(GOOFY LAUGHING)
Mmm!
MAN: And we're clear.
Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.
(SQUEALING)
What? You can't kill him
if he's wearing people clothes.
(SQUEALS)
(SQUEAKS, SNORTS)
(MAN SINGING
ROMANTIC POP SONG)
-You're coming home with me.
-(SQUEALS AND SNORTS)
(GUNSHOTS AND BABIES CRYING)
"A thousand eyes." What could that be?
Hmm, I'm pretty sure
a thousand is a number.
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
Actually, it's aged me horribly.
Then say hello
to the newest Simpson!
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
(GASPS)
Homer!
(QUIET GRUNT)
I believe what happened in church
was a warning about precisely this.
Please, get rid of that pig!
Oh, you're gonna love him.
Look, he does an impression of you.
(SQUEALS LOUDLY)
(GRUNTING)
(LAUGHING) You nailed her.
He also does me.
(BELCHES)
(MARGE LAUGHING)
You smiled! I'm off the hook!
Ooh.
(HOMER HUMMING)
Oh, you have so many looks.
(PLOPPER SNORTS)
(SIGHS)
(KISSING)
(VACUUM WHIRRING)
Hmm, so that's what snug is.
HOMER: Who's a good pig?
(BLOWING RASPBERRIES)
Who's a good pig?
NED: Rough day, huh, son?
You don't know what rough is, sister.
(CHUCKLES)
Bart, you know, whenever my boys
bake up a batch of frownies,
I take them fishing.
Does your dad ever take you fishing?
-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)
-Dad!
It's not fair to use a
bug zapper to catch the fish.
If you love fish like I do,
you want them to die with dignity.
(LOUD ZAPPING)
(GURGLING)
I think I have a nibble. (SCREAMS)
-(ELECTRICAL CRACKLING)
-(SCREAMING)
-(SCREAMING)
-(ELECTRICAL CRACKLING)
-(ELECTRICAL CRACKLING)
-(SCREAMING)
I think fishing might be
more fun with you.
Oh, great. Now, how about
I fix you some cocoa?
No way, cocoa's for wusses.
Well, sir, if you change your mind,
it's on the windowsill.
(GRUNTS)
(SLURPING)
BART: Oh, my God.
Oh, wait. I didn't tell you the
best part. He loves the environment.
Oh, wait, I still didn't tell you
the best part. He's got an Irish brogue.
No, no, wait, wait! I still
didn't tell you the best part!
He's not imaginary.
Oh, honey, that's great.
But the very best thing
is that he listens to you.
Because nothing means more
than for a man to...
How did the pig tracks
get on the ceiling?
♪ Spider Pig, Spider-Pig
♪ Does whatever a Spider Pig does
♪ Can he swing from a web?
♪ No, he can't, he's a pig
♪ Look out He is the Spider-Pig.
(DUCKS QUACKING)
Are we having fun yet?
We are now. You've got a bite.
Whoa, mama!
Oh, no, my good pole!
(CHOKING)
Huh? You're not strangling me.
What the...
Why, strangling's only good for...
Well, it's not really good for anything.
I think the only time
you should lay hands on a boy
is when you're giving him
a good old pat on the back.
Hey, what the hell are you...
Oh... One more time.
-(INCOHERENT RAMBLING)
-(MEOWING)
-(BOTTLES CLINKING)
-Honey, I'm home.
(SHRIEKS)
(GROWLS)
(GUITAR PLAYING SWEETLY)
LISA: We are at the
tipping point, people.
If we don't do something now, uh...
I'm sorry, I lost my train
of thought. Isn't he dreamy?
-Agreed.
-(GAVEL BANGS)
Okay, so here's the bottom line.
If we don't change our ways right now,
pollution in Lake Springfield
will be at this level.
(MOTOR WHIRRING)
That's not so bad.
-No, the lift is stuck.
-(GEARS GRINDING)
(WHIRRING AND GRINDING)
(CRASHING)
Am I getting through to anyone?
Hell, yeah. We need
a new one of those things.
All in favor of a new scissor lift say aye.
-CROWD: Aye.
-No!
This lake is just one piece of trash
away from a toxic nightmare.
But I knew you wouldn't listen,
so I took the liberty of pouring water
from the lake
in all your drinking glasses.
(SPITTING AND GROANING)
MOE: This is why we should hate kids.
This is serious, people.
No more dumping in the lake.
I hereby declare a state of emergency.
Code black.
(GASPING)
Black? That's the worst color there is.
-No offense there, Carl.
-I get it all the time.
(TRIUMPHANT
ORCHESTRATION PLAYS)
(SIZZLING)
(MACHINERY WHIRRING)
Uh, sorry, sorry. No dumping in the lake.
Fine. I will put my yard
trimmings in a car compactor.
Uh... Chief, I think there
was a dead body in there.
I thought that too,
until he said "yard trimmings."
You got to learn to listen, Lou.
Let us now make sure this barrier
is completely idiotproof.
-Cletus.
-Yessum?
Try to dump something in the lake.
Okay.
I can't. I-I simply can't.
-Brilliant.
-Very effective.
(SNORTS)
(KISSING)
Ayayay!
Un burro amoroso!
Don't get any ideas. Huh?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Maybe we should kiss
just to break the tension.
What's going on here?
Uh, nothing, nothing.
I'm not sure that pig
should be in the house.
And by the way, what are
you doing with his leavings?
Don't worry. I've devised
a most elegant solution.
(GROANS) Oh, it's leaking.
It's not leaking, it's overflowing.
He filled up the whole silo
in just two days?
Well, I helped.
Homer, stop. I know it's easy
for your mind to wander...
(CYMBALS CLICKING)
(MUFFLED) I want you
to really concentrate on me.
I can't escape the feeling that this
is the crisis Grandpa warned us about.
You have to dispose
of that waste properly.
Okay, Marge, I will.
You can take Spider Pig with you.
He's not Spider-Pig anymore.
He's Harry Plopper.
(SNORTS)
(FAINT CELL PHONE CHIMING)
(GRUNTS)
Y'ello.
Homer, you got to get over here.
Health inspector just
shut down the doughnut store,
and they're giving out free doughnuts.
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
I just got one thing I got to do first.
Well, you better hurry!
They're going fast.
(GUNSHOT)
Whoa, that was close.
Oh!
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(GRUNTS)
(GURGLING)
(GURGLING)
(FIZZING)
Uh-oh.
DEEP VOICE: Evil!
Drive, drive, drive!
-(SNORTING)
-Oh, right.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(CHITTERING)
(SNARLING)
(BUBBLING)
(GROWLING)
(GIGGLES)
Look at that. You can see the
four states that border Springfield.
Ohio, Nevada, Maine and Kentucky.
Oh, yeah.
And if you look real close,
you can almost... (SHRIEKS)
Well, this certainly seems odd,
but who am I to question
the work of the Almighty?
Oh, we thank you, Lord, for
this mighty fine intelligent design.
Good job.
BART: Jabbity, jabbity, jab, jab, jab!
Hey, jab one more eye,
and it's a federal crime.
-Who are you?
-Environmental Protection Agency.
Russ Cargill, head of the E.P.A.,
here to see the president.
(BUZZING)
(RAPID BUZZING)
Mr. President.
Ja. That is me.
Pollution in Springfield
has reached crisis levels.
Oh... I hate this job. Everything's
crisis this and end of the world that.
Nobody opens with a joke.
I miss Danny DeVito.
You want a joke, huh?
Stop me if you've heard this one.
-(GROWLING)
-(GASPS)
Look at those angry
eyes and giant teeth.
It's like Christmas
at the Kennedy compound.
You know, sir, when you
made me head of the E.P.A.,
you were applauded for appointing one
of the most successful men in America
to the least successful
agency in government.
And why did I take the job?
'Cause I'm a rich man who
wanted to give something back.
Not the money, but something.
So here is our chance to kick
some ass for Mother Earth.
I'm listening.
Well, I've narrowed your choices down
to five unthinkable options.
Each will cause untold misery...
I pick number three.
You don't even want to read them first?
I was elected to lead,
not to read. Number three!
(LOW RUMBLING)
(INHALER WHOOSING)
(CHOKING)
(RUMBLING)
(SCREAMING)
(ROTORS WHIRRING)
(CRACKING AND RUMBLING)
(GASPING) We're being
sealed in a dome! (YELLS)
(THUDS) Whoa!
Oh, what do I do?
I don't know what to do.
If I stay I'm trapped, if I leave I'm alone.
Oh, God! In, out, in, out...
I never saw Venice.
(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)
(CRASHING)
EPA! EPA! Trapped forever.
It's all come true.
That crazy old man in church was right.
(SUCTION POPPING)
(SCREAMING) D'oh-ome!
(INDISTINCT MURMURING)
(SIRENS APPROACHING)
(GASPING AND SHRIEKING)
All right, men, open fire.
-(GUNSHOTS RICOCHETING)
-COPS: Ow!
Who's hurt? Raise your hands.
(GROANING)
Without the attitude.
People, people. I have
an important announcement.
I have just perfected
an acid-firing super-drill
which can cut through anything.
-Hey, that's cool.
-(CROWD GASPING)
It's right there.
Just outside... of the dome.
(CROWD GROANING)
(BANGING)
What ruthless madmen
could have done this to us?
CARGILL:
The United States government.
(GASPING AND MURMURING)
(STATIC HISSES)
My name is Russ Cargill,
and I'm head of the E.P.A.
(INSDISTNICT MURMURING)
The what?
-Environmental Protection Agency.
-LENNY: Come again?
Look, I'm a man on a big TV. Just listen.
-Springfield has become...
-MAN 1: Whoo! Springfield!
the most polluted city
in the history of the planet.
KRUSTY: Drama queen!
To keep your poisons from spreading,
your government has
sealed you all within this dome.
(GASPING)
Believe me, it's the
last thing we wanted to do.
I do own the company that makes
the dome, but that's beside the point.
What, are you telling us
we're trapped like rats?
No, rats can't be trapped this easily.
You're trapped like... carrots.
Wait. We couldn't be more polluted.
Everyone stopped dumping in the lake.
Apparently someone
didn't get the message.
Act natural.
(SNORTS)
Hey, buddy, sooner or later, people
are going to come by and discover this.
Don't worry about that. We found
a way to take you off the map.
G.P.S.: Coming up on your right...
-(BEEP)
-Nothing.
This is Kent Brockman,
reporting to you on a crisis so serious
it has its own name and theme music.
(DRAMATIC THEME PLAYING)
The dome has put
an end to life as we know it.
The town is running low on supplies
of everything from gasoline to Botox.
Moment, please.
Now, as always, (CHUCKLES)
we end our news on the lighter side.
It's the time of year when
the swallows return to Springfield.
(CHIRPING)
(THUDDING)
(SCREECHING ALONG GLASS)
(MEOWING)
(WIND RUSTLING TREES)
(MARGE SIGHS DEEPLY)
I think the thing I miss most
is a simple summer breeze.
(GASPS)
Maggie?
(SUCKS PACIFIER)
MAN ON TV: We've got dome wax,
dome polish, dome freshener,
all your dome needs at Dome Depot,
located at the intersection
of the 105 Freeway and the dome.
CHORUS: Dome Depot!
(BELL DINGS)
-Maggie got out! Maggie got out!
-Huh?
Maggie was right there.
Just outside the dome.
Marge, she's right here.
Hmm?
This dome can play tricks on you.
You just have to keep calm and...
Oh, my God!
I'm out of the dome.
Fresh air! Freedom!
(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)
I'll write you. Lead good lives.
(HOMER GROANS)
(MARGE SIGHS HEAVILY)
(SUCKS PACIFIER)
Good evening, this is Kent Brockman.
Efforts to find out whose selfish crime
against the environment caused
our entrapment have been fruitless.
(CHUCKLES)
-Until moments ago,
-(SHRIEKS)
a shocking discovery has
been made here at Lake Springfield.
That could be anybody's pig-crap silo.
-(SHRIEKS)
-(GASPS) Homer!
It was you!
You single-handedly killed this town.
I know. It's weird.
Just a reminder. This station
does not endorse vigilante justice.
Unless it gets results. Which it will.
(BUZZER SOUNDING)
You didn't listen to me
after I warned you!
Don't worry, nobody
watches this stupid show.
Hmm, what's that ominous
glow in the distance?
(CLAMORING)
MOB: (CHANTING)
Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
Marge, look, those idiots
don't even know where we live.
-MOB: Kill! Kill! Kill!
-D'oh!
MOB: (CHANTING)
We want Homer! We want Homer!
You monster! You monster!
Uh, did you see the news?
Honey, come on,
we have bigger problems.
But I'm so angry.
You're a woman.
You can hold on to it forever.
(SNIFFLES)
Okay.
(CHANTING CONTINUES)
Homer, you have to go out there,
face that mob
and apologize for what you did.
I would, but I'm afraid if I
open the door, they'll take all of you.
CARL: No, we won't.
We just want Homer!
Well, maybe not you,
but they'll kill Grandpa.
GRAMPA: I'm part of the mob!
Teeny, take out the baby!
(SCREECHES)
(SQUEALING)
(CLAMORING)
(SWEET, ROMANTIC
THEME PLAYING)
(GASPS)
Here, let me get that for you.
(DISAPPOINTED SIGH)
(RATTLING)
Stay back. I got a chain saw!
(IMITATES CHAIN SAW REVVING)
(SLOWLY, WEAKLY MAKING
CHAIN SAW SOUNDS)
Uh-oh.
(MOB SHOUTING)
Bart! Crawl across, hurry!
But if they see you
trying to help us, they'll kill you.
Oh, pshaw! I'm sure your
father would do the same for...
Point taken. Now, hustle your bustles.
Archers!
I'm using a red arrow,
so I know who I kill.
(GRUNTING)
No, Plopper.
If you push that, daddy will die.
(SCREAMING)
(GRUNTING)
Hey, my luck's beginning to turn.
Wait! There's something I have to get.
(GASPS) Ooh!
(GRUNTS)
-What'd you get?
-Our wedding video.
-We have a wedding video?
-KRUSTY: Torch his gas tank!
We lost 'em.
Yahoo!
(HOMER LAUGHING)
Ooh! Up here!
Get 'em! Get 'em!
HOMER: Little help?
(HOMER HOWLS)
You know, the word "apology"...
is tossed around a lot these days,
but when it comes from in here...
D'oh!
(HOMER SCREAMS)
Mom, what are we gonna do?
Maggie, not now.
We'll play later.
(GASPS)
The sinkhole. Follow me, kids.
BART: Geronimo!
LISA: Sacajawea!
So long, losers.
(THUD)
Uh-oh.
The top of his head
is still showing. Claw at it!
(HOMER SHRIEKING)
NELSON: Ha-ha!
(CROWD EXCLAIMING)
(CAR ALARM WAILING)
(DEEP RUMBLING)
(CROWD SCREAMING)
(CLOCK CHIMING)
(CUCKOOS)
Well, they're China's problem now.
(KNOCKING)
Colin!
(NO AUDIO)
I can't hear you!
(MARKER SQUEAKING)
Oh!
♪ Da, da-da, da-da, da, da... ♪
I never thought my life would have an
absolutely perfect moment, but this...
(SINGSONGY) Lisa's got a
boyfriend that she'll never see again!
(GRUNTS)
Perfect.
(SIRENS WAILING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
-What do we do?
-Now we run.
I'm afraid we lost them, sir.
Damn it.
Well, then you find them and
you get them back in the dome.
And to make sure nobody else gets out,
I want roving death squads
around the perimeter 24/7.
I want 10,000 tough guys,
and I want 10,000 soft guys
to make the tough guys look tougher.
And here's how I want them arranged:
Tough, tough, soft, tough, soft,
soft, tough, tough,
soft, soft, tough, soft.
Sir, I'm afraid you've
gone mad with power.
Of course I have. Did you ever
try going mad without power?
It's boring. No one listens to you.
Whew!
(SIREN WAILS)
(GASPS)
-(GROANING PASSIONATELY)
-(SMOOCHING)
Oh!
(SUCKS PACIFIER)
(HELICOPTER BLADE WHIRRING)
-Bart, are you drinking whiskey?
-I'm troubled.
-Bart.
-I promise I'll stop tomorrow.
You'll stop right now.
You come back here, little man.
(GROANS)
(DRUNKENLY)
I miss Flanders. There, I said it!
-Where's your father?
-He went out.
Let's quickly rebuild
our lives while he's gone.
HOMER: Hey, guys?
What's the secret knock again?
Look, I know I screwed up. This is big.
It's huge! We're homeless!
Our friends wanna kill us!
Before we can even stay
in the same room with you,
I need to know what
was going through your mind
when you didn't listen to me
and dumped that silo in the lake.
-(CLUELESS WHIMPER)
-Homer!
I don't know what to tell you, Marge.
I don't think about things.
I respect people who do,
but I just try to make the days not hurt
until I get to crawl in next to you again.
(SWEETLY) Oh...
(STERNLY) I mean, oh.
Look, I'm really sorry.
But I'm more than just sorry.
I'm prepared with a solution.
I've always been afraid
I'd screw up our lives so badly
that we'd need a backup plan.
And that plan is right here. (CHUCKLES)
No...
Nope.
Bingo.
Bear with me.
Ta... da!
(ANGELIC CHORUS SINGING)
Alaska?
Alaska. A place where you
can't be too fat or too drunk.
Where no one says things like:
"Let's see your high school
equivalency certificate."
Oh, I don't know, Homie.
Oh, I'm not saying it right.
Look, the thing is,
I can't start a new life alone.
And I've really come to like you guys.
I just don't see it.
Marge, in every marriage,
you get one chance to say:
"I need you to do this with me."
And there's only one answer
when somebody says that.
Okay, Homie. I'm with you.
Thank you, my sweetheart.
-BART: Mom?
-Yes, honey?
You just bought another load of crap
from the world's fattest
fertilizer salesman.
You'll pay for ruining
this golden family moment!
Homer!
How are we supposed to get
to Alaska without any money?
All right, son, if you don't
believe in me, believe in America.
America, where any man can make
quick money with no questions asked.
Step right up and win my truck.
All you have to do is conquer
the Ball of Death.
-What's the catch?
-No catch.
Just ride the motorcycle
all the way around just one time.
Three tries for $10.
Marge, how much money do we have?
-Ten dollars.
-Whoo-hoo!
That counts as a try.
(ENGINE REVVING)
HOMER: Ow! 
BARKER: That's two.
(ENGINE REVS)
HOMER: Ow!
BARKER: And that's three.
Tell you what I'm going to do, just
'cause I like seeing you hurt yourself:
I'll give you one on the house.
-You're the best.
-LISA: Dad!
When you get to the top,
don't slow down, speed up!
-But that's when it's the scariest!
-Just do it!
Ooh! Oh!
Whoo-hoo!
(CROWD CHEERING
AND WHISTLING)
BART: Yes!
LISA: Yay, Dad!
I'll take that truck now.
Oh, man. My wives are gonna kill me.
HOMER: Next stop, Alaska!
Day 37 under the dome.
We are facing intermittent
power failures which...
Okay, very funny. Now, I'm
going to turn the lights off again.
When they come back on, I want
all my booze back the way it was.
Yeah, okay. Okay.
I'm very proud of you, Bart.
Over 24 hours sober.
-You are, aren't you?
-I'll prove it.
(MOANING WITH PLEASURE)
Look, we're giving
your father another chance,
and we owe it to him to... (GASPS)
-Oh, my God.
-Can I help you?
Uh.. Uh, we need diapers.
-Okay.
-No, no, we don't. We don't.
-Ladies' razorblades.
-Right.
No, no, no, we don't.
I forgot, we're European.
(MARGE GIGGLING)
-Uh-huh.
-Just give us beef jerky.
Lots and lots of beef jerky.
That's right. That's what we need.
That's all we came in for.
Sure.
Mmm-hmm.
Oh, my God,
there they... There they are!
(SUCKS PACIFIER)
(BART LAUGHING)
(ELECTRICAL CRACKLING)
(ZAPPING AND CRACKLING)
So you want some of
my electricity, do you?
(SNICKERING)
Well, for once,
the rich white man is in control.
I have two buttons behind this desk.
One will supply your town with power,
the other releases the hounds.
Reach me, make me your brother.
The hospital's generator
is about to give out.
Lives will be lost!
Lives... lost. Go on.
We got a convict we were going to
fry tomorrow, but now we can't.
Tempting... Tempting.
Look, all our reasons mean nothing.
Just look into your heart
and you'll find the answer.
(APU SCREAMING)
BURNS: First door on the right.
APU: Thank you.
-(ALL SCREAMING)
-(HOUNDS BARKING)
What? This isn't the way
I pictured Alaska at all!
Oh, that's better.
Homer!
-(TIRES SCREECHING)
-(ALL SCREAMING)
Well, at least my poster didn't get torn.
(FINGERS SQUEAK
AGAINST GLASS)
(GASPING)
(GRAND ORCHESTRAL
THEME SWELLS)
Welcome to Alaska.
Here's a thousand dollars.
Well, it's about time, but why?
We pay every resident
a thousand dollars
to allow oil companies to
ravage our state's natural beauty.
I'm home.
Oh, thanks.
(LUSH ORCHESTRAL
THEME PLAYING)
What are you doing, Bart?
Eh, just passing the time.
(CLAP ECHOING)
(CLAP ECHOING)
(CLAPPING)
Aw. My boy loves Alaska
so much, he's applauding it.
-Lisa, why aren't you clapping?
-But, Dad...
Clap for Alaska.
(CLAPPING)
(DEEP RUMBLING)
Huh?
(HOMER SCREAMING)
(SNOW CRUNCHING)
Well, Marge, we're separated
from the kids by a wall of snow.
All my dreams are coming true.
(DISNEY-STYLE
ORCHESTRATION PLAYS)
(BIRDS SINGING)
(CHORUS VOCALIZING MELODY)
(FABRIC TEARING)
(BIRDS TWEETING)
(WHISTLES)
(SCREECHES)
(FABRIC TEARING)
(ORCHESTRATION CONTINUES)
Day 93 under the dome.
With necessities
growing dangerously low,
who knows what spark
will set off this powder keg.
Okay, let's discuss
Tuesdays with Morrie.
Again?
If we don't get a new book,
I'm going to puke.
You're the five people
I'm going to meet in hell!
-(GRUNTING)
-(GLASS BREAKING)
We're out of coffee!
(SCREAMING)
BARNEY: I can't take another
minute in this dome!
(YELLING)
(SHOUTING AND GRUNTING)
Y'ar! Y'ar!
Take that!
Oh, no! Blowback.
(SHOUTING)
(WHIRRING)
Look what they're doing to our dome.
(GRUNTING)
(TRUMPETING)
(CRACKING)
You know what that is, sir?
-A crack?
-Exactly.
First, let me state the problem.
People got out of the dome before,
they're going to get out again.
And when they do, there's going
to be hearings, investigations.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)
I'll have to go back to
making family comedies.
(SIGHS)
Don't worry,
I have a solution for you, sir.
In fact, I have five solutions.
You don't have to read them.
You'll have deniability.
I'll take care of it. You know nothing.
No. I need to know what I'm approving.
Absolutely. But on the other hand,
knowing things is overrated.
Anyone can pick something
when they know what it is.
It takes real leadership to pick
something you're clueless about.
Okay, I pick three.
-Try again.
-One.
-Go higher.
-Five?
-Too high.
-Three?
-You already said three.
-Six?
-There is no six.
-Two?
-Double it.
-Four!
As you wish, sir.
(HAPPY MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)
HANKS ON TV: Are you tired
of the same old Grand Canyon?
Here we are, kids, the Grand Canyon.
It's so old and boring.
I want a new one. Now!
Hello. I'm Tom Hanks.
The U.S. government
has lost its credibility...
so it's borrowing some of mine.
-Tousle my hair, Mr. Hanks.
-Sure thing, son.
(HANKS LAUGHS)
Now, I'm pleased to tell you all
about the New Grand Canyon.
Coming this weekend. It's east of
Shelbyville and south of Capitol City.
That's where Springfield is!
It's nowhere near where
anything is or ever was.
This is Tom Hanks saying
if you're going to pick a government
to trust, why not this one?
Did you see that?
Yes, they're going to destroy Springfield.
But we're going to stop them.
Homie, get your clothes on. Homie?
I'm happy here. Screw Springfield.
(GASPING)
I can't believe you'd
say something so selfish.
Marge, those people chased us
with pitchforks and torches.
Torches! At 4:00 in the afternoon!
-It was 7:00 at night.
-It was during Access Hollywood.
-Which is on at 4:00 and 7:00.
-D'oh!
Dad, how can you turn your back
on everyone who loved us?
Flanders helped
when we were in trouble.
Who cares what Flanders did?
He's not your father.
I wish he was.
You don't mean that. You worship me.
Oh, yeah?
Look what I did to your picture.
-(GASPING)
-Look at it!
Howdilly-doodilly. Howdilly-doodilly.
-Howdilly-doodilly.
-HOMER: Why, you little...
(GRUNTING)
-I'll strangle-angle you.
-BART: Diddily, diddily.
Bart, stop it! Leave this to me.
Homer...
in every marriage you
get one chance to say
I need you to do this with me.
That is the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.
Homer Simpson!
We're saving Springfield!
Listen to me, all of you. We are staying.
We have a great life in Alaska,
and we're never going
back to America again.
I have spoken! Hmm!
(WIND WHISTLING)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYING)
(HOMER CHUCKLING)
Well, I guess I've let her
worry about me long enough.
-(WHISTLING)
-(TRUCK HORN BLOWS)
Marge? Kids?
Huh?
(STATIC HISSING)
MARGE: Okay, here goes.
Homer...
I've always stood up for you.
When people point out your flaws,
I always say,
"Well, sometimes you have to
stand back to appreciate a work of art."
(LAUGHING)
Way back.
Lately, what's keeping us together
is my ability to overlook
everything you do.
And I overlook these things because...
Because?
Well, that's the thing.
I just don't know how to finish
that sentence anymore.
So I'm leaving with the kids
to help Springfield,
and we're never coming back.
And to prove to myself
that this is the end...
I taped this over our wedding video.
Good-bye, Homie.
(STATIC HISSES)
(WOMAN SINGING
ROMANTIC BALLAD)
I love you.
(SINGING CONTINUES)
-(SINGING CONTINUES)
-Marge? Kids?
(CRACKING)
(SINGING CONTINUES)
(SINGING FADES)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(ROARING)
(SHOUTING GIBBERISH)
(GRUNTING)
(YELPS)
Huh?
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)
(SNIFFLING)
-So, Mom, what's our plan?
-What are you doing up there?
Looking through people's luggage.
(HIGH-PITCHED) I'm the
mascot of an evil corporation.
(LAUGHS)
Get down from there.
We have to keep a low profile
till we get to Seattle to tell the world
of the plot to destroy Springfield.
(WHISPERING) I don't know
if you guys should be talking so loud.
Oh, Lisa, it's not like the government
is listening to everybody's conversation.
(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)
(BEEPING)
(CONVERSATIONS OVERLAPPING)
WOMAN: Hi. I'm calling
about our Meat Lover's Pizza.
I like meat, but I don't know
if I'm ready to love again.
WOMAN 2: You hang up first.
MAN: No, you hang up first.
WOMAN 2: Okay.
(DIAL TONE HUMS)
MAN: She hung up on me!
LISA: But we're fugitives. We should
just lay low till we get to Seattle.
Hey, everybody! I found one!
The government actually found
someone we're looking for!
Yeah, baby! Yeah!
MEDICINE WOMAN: Homer Simpson,
do you know why you are here?
'Cause my family cares more about
other people than they do about me.
Drink this liquid.
(SCREAMING)
More, please.
Now we will cleanse your spirit
by the ancient Inuit art of throat singing.
Throat singing?
(GUTTURAL CHANTING)
(BOTH CHANTING)
How long are we doing this?
-Until you have an epiphany.
-Okay.
(CHANTING)
What's an epiphany?
Sudden realization of great truth.
Okay.
(CHANTING)
(MUSIC PLAYS)
CHORUS: ♪ Spider Pig, Spider Pig
♪ Does whatever a Spider Pig does
-(RUMBLING)
-♪ Look out!
♪ He's a Spider Pig ♪
Unless you have an epiphany,
you will spend the remainder
of your days alone.
(BELL TOLLS)
Epiphany, epiphany, epiphany. Ooh!
Bananas are an excellent
source of potassium.
(GRUNTS)
Americans will never embrace soccer?
More than two shakes
and it's playing with yourself?
Hey, what are you doing?
Oh, do whatever you want to me.
I don't care about myself anymore.
MEDICINE WOMAN: Because?
(GASPS)
Because other people
are just as important as me.
Without them, I'm nothing.
In order to save myself...
I have to save Springfield!
That's it! Isn't it?
-(THE SIMPSONS THEME PLAYING)
-(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
(CHANTING)
That was the most
incredible experience of my life.
And now to find my family,
save my town and drop ten pounds.
Thank you, boob lady.
This is it, kids. Seattle.
(GASPING) Russ Cargill!
Do you think he saw us?
Yes, I did.
(DOGS BARKING)
Run! Run! Run! Run!
Run! Run!
Jump! Jump!
Land! Land!
Rest! Rest!
Run! Run!
Now, I know we've had a rough day,
but I'm sure we can put
all that behind us and just...
(GROWLING, SCREAMING)
Ow! Ow! That's my whipping arm!
(BARKING)
Why does everything I whip leave me?
-(WIND WHISTLING)
-Must keep going.
Must keep going.
(WHIMPERING)
No, I can't. I can't keep going.
Yes, you can.
No, I can't.
Oh, shut up.
You shut up.
No, you. No, you.
No, you. Oh, real mature.
How could you say that?
Oh, what's the point?
It's hopeless.
Don't give up, Homer.
You are closer than you think.
But which way do I go?
Much obliged.
(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)
(MEN SHOUTING IN DISTANCE)
Ten-hut!
(SAXOPHONE PLAYING)
Lisa, knock off that racket!
(GASPS) Lisa!
(PLAYING BLUESY TUNE)
They captured my family.
What do I do? What do I do?
(TIRES SCREECHING)
There's something strange
about that "sop" sign.
(ENGINE ROARING)
(SOFTLY CLINKS)
-(GASPS) Did you hear something?
-Probably just a moth.
I hope it's okay.
HOMER: (SCREAMING) Oh!
(GRUNTS)
Oh!
D'oh!
(GRUNTING)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTS)
Look, look, look, look, look.
We can't keep stopping at every
"sop," "yeld", or "one vay" sign.
Just move on.
(GRUNTING)
Let us out! Let us out!
Stop that. You'll scratch your shackles.
I hope I do.
(GRUNTING)
(HISSING)
LISA: Oh, way to go, Bart.
You stink.
No, you stink.
(MOANING)
(GRUNTS)
Ow. (GROANS)
(BIRD CAWS)
(DOG HOWLS IN DISTANCE)
MARGE: (GASPS) Springfield.
I can't believe it, but it got even crappier.
Oh, man.
(MUTTERING)
(CLANKING)
Oh, hiya, Midge.
Moe, what happened?
With the town sealed off
from the rest of the world,
things got a little nutty here.
Why are you dressed like that?
Well, I don't like to brag, but
I am now the emperor of Springfield.
BARNEY: No, you're not!
Yes, I am!
(EXPLOSION)
BARNEY: Okay. Hail, emperor.
CARGILL: Attention, Springfield.
Your government realized
that putting you inside this dome
was a terrible mistake.
Therefore, we're commencing
with Operation Soaring Eagle.
-(CHEERING)
-Which involves killing you all.
(GROANING)
(WHIRRING)
As I speak, we're lowering a small
but powerful bomb into your midst.
(BEEPING)
(SCREAMING)
Despite everything, I miss your father.
Me too.
His big fat ass could shield us all.
HOMER: Ten-hut!
At ease. I'm General Marriott Suites,
and I have an urgent
note from the president.
It says to release
this town immediately.
Why is it written on a leaf?
(GRUNTS)
(CHUCKLES)
(HANDS SQUEAKING)
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
Perfect.
Now Homer Simpson's going
to show he has cojones! Oops.
(GRUNTING)
(YELLS)
(GRUNTING AND CRYING GASPS)
(GRUNTS)
(GASPING) D'oh!
(WHIMPERING) D'oh!
D'oh! D'oh!
Mom, I've gotta go find Colin.
Not now, sweetie.
Doomsday is family time.
-(GLASS SQUEAKING)
-HOMER: Oh! Oh!
-(BEEPING)
-(HARMONCIA PLAYING BLUES)
Hey. If one of us distracts Cargill,
the rest of us can climb up that thing.
Who'd be dumb enough to stay behind
while we escape with our lives?
(CLEARS THROAT) My time to shine.
Hey! Mr. Big TV Man, look-a here.
What do you want?
Um... Look what
I can do with my thumb.
You wanna know how I do it?
Four generations of inbreeding?
Oh...
(GRUNTING)
(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)
(GRUNTING)
(SHOES SQUEAKING)
I can smell fresh air.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
I can hear birds.
I taste freedom.
HOMER: Excuse me! Watch out!
Coming through!
(HOMER YELLING)
(LOUD THUD)
(BEEPING)
(GROANS QUIETY)
I was tricked by an idiot!
Hey, I know how you feel. I was
beat in tic-tac-toe by a chicken.
Goodbye.
(STAMMERS)
Homer do good?
Actually, you doomed us all. Again.
Nice knowing you, Homer.
HOMER: But I...
(CRYING) Oh...
I can't do anything right. (GRUNTS)
(RAPID BEEPS)
-(STEADY BEEPING RESUMES)
-Get out of here!
-(PEOPLE JEERING)
-(HOMER WHIMPERING)
I've spent my entire life doing
nothing but collecting comic books,
and now there's only time to say...
Life well spent!
Okay, boys, when you meet Jesus,
be sure to call him Mr. Christ.
Will Buddha be there too?
-No.
-(DOOR CREAKS)
-Hey, Flanders.
-Bart.
How good to see ya.
And how terrible you're here.
Thanks.
Listen. I was just wondering if...
before I died,
I could pretend I had a father who...
cared for me.
Come here, son.
There's always room
for one more in the Flanders clan.
(QUIET HISSING)
(BEEP)
Come on, bomb-disarming robot.
You're our last hope.
ROBOT: Red wire. Blue wire.
Black is usually the ground.
-(GROANS) Uh, so much pressure.
-(METAL RATTLING)
Pressure!
(GUNSHOT)
He'd been talking about it,
but I didn't take him seriously.
Marge.
Marge! Marge!
-(SMACK)
-(THUD)
Oh, no, the epipha-tree!
Hey, I tried my best.
What am I supposed to do?
(WIND RUSHES)
But how am I supposed to get up there?
(HEAVENLY MSUIC PLAYS)
Oh...
Here, buy yourself something nice.
Homer? What the hell
are you doing now?
HOMER: Risking my life
to save people I hate
for reasons I don't
quite understand. Got to go!
First, one stop.
(BEEP)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
Bart? Son?
You think you could find it in your heart
to give your foolish old man
one more chance?
(MUMBLING) Oh, I don't know...
It seems to me, son,
that your father's saying that
he wants to spend
his last minute with you.
No! I can't do it.
I want a father who's the same
in the morning as he is at night. Oh...
What's that word?
BOTH: Consistency.
Thanks, losers.
Sorry, Homer.
I'll let you hold the bomb.
-(BEEPING)
-The man knows me.
(BART LAUGHING)
I wish Homer was my father.
And I wish you didn't have
the devil's curly hair.
(CRYING)
I've been taking your crap all my life!
(GRUNTING)
Whew! This feels good.
No wonder you do it.
(GRUNTING)
(ENGINE ROARING)
Okay, Bart, you've only got one shot
to throw that bomb through the hole.
Dad, in case I miss,
I'm sorry I said
I wish you weren't my father.
I don't blame you, son.
I wasn't much of a father.
Maybe it starts with the way
my dad raised me.
Yes. It's clear to me. It's just been
one long, unbroken cycle of...
Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!
(ENGINE REVS)
(GASPS)
(HOMER SCREAMING)
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
HOMER: D'oh!
(WATER BURBLING)
What? What's going on?
(WILD CHEERING)
(THUMPING)
(ANXIOUS STAMMERING)
(RELIEVED SIGHS)
(LOUD EXPLOSION)
(HIGH-PITCHED WHOOSH)
HOMER: We did it, boy!
Uh, Dad?
-(CRACKING)
-(HOMER YELPS)
(CRACKING CONTINUES)
(BOTH YELLING)
(YELLS)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
(DISTANT SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING LOUDLY)
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
(HOMER CONTINUES SCREAMING)
(YELPS)
(GRUNTS)
BOTH: Whoo-hoo!
-(EXPLOSION)
-(SHATTERING)
(EXCITED CHATTER)
Magnificent!
It's amazing no one was hurt!
(LOUD THUD)
Bye, everybody.
(DYING GROAN)
(WIND WHISTLING)
Now, that was a
great father-son activity.
CARGILL: Hello, Homer.
So we meet at last, whoever you are.
There's a couple of things they don't
teach you at Harvard Business School.
One is how to cope with defeat,
and how to handle a shotgun.
I'm going to do both right now.
Wait! If you kill my dad,
you'll never know
where the treasure is buried.
What treasure?
The Treasure of Ima Wiener.
I'm a wiener?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
-Classic.
-Well, always leave them laughing.
(CHUCKLES) Goodbye, sir.
(THUMP)
Maggie! What a great little
accident you turned out to be.
(SUCKING)
Colin? Colin!
Lisa? Colin's dead.
(GASPS)
But his last words were,
(IRISH ACCENT) "Milhouse,
take care of Lisa. Hold her hand."
Uh... I got her all warmed up for you.
Colin! Whoo! Hi.
-Hey, you wanna go...
-Clean up the lake!
Well, I was gonna say
"get some ice cream," but okay.
(LAUGHS) Oh, I like ice cream.
Kind of sweaty. Sorry.
(LOUD CHEERING)
(GASPS) Boy, you survived! How?
(BARKING)
I love you, too.
(CHEERING AND WHISTLING)
Best kiss of my life.
Best kiss of your life so far.
(ELECTRIC SAW WHIRRING)
HOMER: Steady.
Steady.
Steady.
Uh, Dad?
Thanks, boy.
Steady.
(GRUNTS)
Whoo-hoo!
-Waah!
-(BART LAUGHING)
(LOUD THUD)
(ROCK VERSION OF THE 
SIMPSONS THEME PLAYING)
SMITHERS:
They've taken everything, sir.
Smithers, I don't believe in suicide,
but if you'd like to try it,
it might cheer me up to watch.
(ROCK BAND
SHOUTING RHYTHMICALLY)
(ROCK BAND VOCALIZING)
(SONG ENDS)
This is Tom Hanks saying,
If you see me in person,
please, leave me be.
(CHORUS SINGING)
♪ Spider Pig, Spider Pig
♪ Does whatever a Spider Pig does
♪ Can he swing from a web?
♪ No, he can't, he's a pig
♪ Look out!
♪ He is a Spider Pig
♪ Look out!
♪ He is a Spider Pig
(SONG FADES OUT)
Come on, Dad, let's go.
I've been holding it since
they put the dome over the town.
You can wait. A lot of people
worked really hard on this film,
and all they ask is for you
to memorize their names.
Well, I want to make sure
no animals were harmed
during the filming of this movie.
LISA: Phew!
HOMER: Okay.
-(CRUNCH)
-Ooh, floor popcorn!
-(CHOMPING)
-CRUNCHING)
Wait, wait, wait! It looks like
Maggie has something to say.
Oh, my God, her first word!
Sequel?
MAN: (TO "LA MARSEILLAISE") ♪ Springfield doesn't have an anthem
(OTHERS JOIN IN) ♪ We thought we had one, but we don't
(MORE JOIN IN) ♪ We paid a short guy to write it
♪ But we never saw him again
♪ The tune we stole from the French
♪ There's a few things they do well
♪ Like making love, wine and cheese
♪ Like Roqueforts, Camemberts and Bries
♪ Springfield
♪ We're going to die
♪ Springfield
♪ I'm scared to die ♪
Assistant manager
isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Four years of film school for this?