Ralph Breaks the Internet subtitles

_________________________________
RALPH: Okay. My turn, my turn.

Um, I got one.
_________________________________

VANELLOPE:
Great, but can you make it
_________________________________
a little more challenging
this time?
_________________________________

RALPH: Okay. Check this out.
(CLEARS THROAT)
_________________________________

I spy with my little eye...
_________________________________

something yellow...
_________________________________

and round, and it eats dots.
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: (SCOFFS)
Seriously, Ralph?
_________________________________

RALPH: Yeah, seriously.

You're never gonna get it.
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: Well, obviously,
it's Pac-Man.
_________________________________

RALPH: No, that's not...
_________________________________
Why is it obvious?
_________________________________

Name one other thing
in this whole arcade
_________________________________

that is yellow and round
and eats dots.
_________________________________

I can name two things.
_________________________________
Ms. Pac-Man and Baby Pac-Man.
_________________________________
Boom! I accept your apology.
_________________________________

Yeah, you're right. Okay.

But was it Pac-Man?
_________________________________

-Yeah, you got me.
-(VANELLOPE LAUGHS)
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: Knew it.
All right, riddle me this...
_________________________________

do you or do you not think
that Zangief waxes?
_________________________________

No way. Look at the guy.

He looks like a yeti.
_________________________________

I don't know.
_________________________________
I mean, if the fur

were confined to his chest,
_________________________________

I might agree...
_________________________________
but look at those
two very specific
_________________________________

tuffets of shin hair...
_________________________________

poking out of his boots.
_________________________________

That does not just happen,
Ralph. That is a choice.
_________________________________

RALPH:
You're totally right, kid.
_________________________________

He's baby smooth
everywhere else.
_________________________________

I rest my case.
_________________________________
My mind is blown!
_________________________________

Let's go get a root beer.
_________________________________

RALPH: (SIGHS) Okay, let's see
what you got, kid.
_________________________________

-(BURPS)
-Ooh!
_________________________________
Nice one. Okay.
(CLEARS THROAT)
_________________________________
I think I got one
in the chamber.
_________________________________

-(BURPS LOUDLY)
-Ew!
_________________________________
-Gross.

-Thank you.
_________________________________

Hey, wanna sneak into Tron?

_________________________________
Doesn't that game
have a virus?
_________________________________

No. I'm sure they fixed it.
_________________________________

-(LASERS ZAPPING)
-VANELLOPE: Whoo!
_________________________________
I'm gonna beat
my speed record!
_________________________________

Hey, wait for me!
_________________________________
(VANELLOPE WHOOPING)
_________________________________
(DISTORTED WHOOPING)
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: Ralph.
_________________________________

RALPH: Yeah?
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: I don't think
they fixed the game.
_________________________________

RALPH: Uh... No.
_________________________________

Help!
_________________________________
Hey, Tron!
_________________________________
Tronny!
_________________________________
Tronny boy!
_________________________________

Help!
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: Do you realize
_________________________________
we're basically

just, like, zeroes and ones...
_________________________________

floating around the universe
like tiny specks of dust?
_________________________________

Like, doesn't the very nature
_________________________________
of our existence
make you wonder...
_________________________________

if there's more to life
than this?
_________________________________

Why would I wonder
if there's more to life
_________________________________
when the life
I got is perfect?
_________________________________

I mean, sure.
Doesn't look so hot on paper.
_________________________________

I'm just a bad guy
from some old video game
_________________________________
who wrecks a building.

_________________________________
And yeah, for 27 years,
_________________________________
I was a total zero
without any friends.
_________________________________

But now,
I got a best friend...
_________________________________
who just happens to be
_________________________________
the coolest kid

in the whole arcade.
_________________________________

Aw, thanks, pal.
_________________________________

Watch this.
_________________________________
(GRUNTS)
_________________________________

-(BUZZING)
-RALPH: Home run!
_________________________________

All right,
let's go watch the sunrise.
_________________________________

VANELLOPE:
Are you really saying
_________________________________

there's not one single,
solitary thing...
_________________________________
about your life

that you would change?
_________________________________

RALPH: Well, think about it.
_________________________________
You and me get to
goof off all night long.
_________________________________

Litwak shows up, we go to
work, we put in our hours.
_________________________________
Then the arcade closes
_________________________________

and we get to do it
all over again.
_________________________________

The only thing I might do

different in that scenario...
_________________________________

would be not having
to go to work.
_________________________________
Other than that, (CHUCKLES)
I wouldn't change a thing.
_________________________________
Huh?
_________________________________

Hey, where'd our sunrise go?
_________________________________

MR. LITWAK: All right,
let's get you plugged in.
_________________________________
(BEEPING)
_________________________________

(GASPS)
That's a plug-in alert.
_________________________________

Litwak hasn't plugged in
a new game in forever.
_________________________________
-Let's go see what it is!
-Yeah!
_________________________________

RALPH: Excuse us. Excuse us.
Minor emergency.
_________________________________
Hey, Felix, Calhoun,
what's getting plugged in?
_________________________________

Well, Ralph, Sonic thinks
_________________________________
it's gonna be
a new pinball machine.
_________________________________

What do you think, lady love?
_________________________________

I'll bet you a shiny nickel

it's a blood pressure machine.
_________________________________

-Kids love those things.
-RALPH: Ooh.
_________________________________
(ALARM BLARING)
_________________________________

Please be a racing game.
Please be a racing game
_________________________________
Please be a racing game.
_________________________________

"Whiffee"? Or, "Wifey"?
_________________________________

Well, it's either wiffle ball,

or an arranged marriage game.
_________________________________

It's actually pronounced
"Wi-Fi," Ralph.
_________________________________

Yeah, that's what I said.
_________________________________

And Wi-Fi is the Internet...
_________________________________

which is an online community
_________________________________

where human beings
go to shop...
_________________________________

and play games and socialize.
_________________________________

Ooh, fun!
_________________________________

Oh, no, it is not.
_________________________________

That sign right there
says "Wi-Fi."
_________________________________

What it should say
is "Die-Fi."
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

That's a little humor there.
_________________________________
But seriously, the Internet
is nothing to laugh at.
_________________________________

It is new, it is different,
_________________________________
and therefore
we should fear it.
_________________________________

So keep out, for Pete's sake,
and get to work.
_________________________________
The arcade's about to open.
_________________________________

Figures, we finally get

something new plugged in...
_________________________________

and we're not even allowed
to go in there.
_________________________________

Totally not fair.
_________________________________

A new racing game
would've been cool.
_________________________________

Something wrong
with your game?
_________________________________

No, no.
_________________________________

It's just every bonus level's
been unlocked.
_________________________________
I know every shortcut.
_________________________________

Man, I'd kill for even
just a new track!
_________________________________

New track? You already got,
like, three choices.
_________________________________

Yeah, I know,

but don't you ever wish
_________________________________

something new and different..
_________________________________

would happen in your game?
_________________________________

Nope.
_________________________________

Really?

Well, agree to disagree.
_________________________________

Wait, I don't wanna disagree.
_________________________________

No, no.
It's just a fancy way to say
_________________________________

we don't have to
argue about it.
_________________________________

We're arguing?
I don't wanna argue.
_________________________________

Relax. Stop making it a thing.
_________________________________
Go to work. I'll see you
tonight, stench-vessel.
_________________________________

All right.
_________________________________
(SIGHS)
_________________________________

She wants a new track,

I'll give her a new track.
_________________________________
(WHIRRING)
_________________________________

SWATI: Come on, Nafisa!

Let's play Sugar Rush!
_________________________________

Pick Vanellope, Swati.

She's got the best superpower.
_________________________________

Yeah, the glitch. I love her.
_________________________________

ANNOUNCER: Drivers,
_________________________________
-start your engines.
-(ENGINES REVVING)
_________________________________

You're gonna lose today,
Princess.
_________________________________

While, yes, I am technically

a princess, Taffyta...
_________________________________

I'd rather you'd just think of
me as plain old Vanellope...
_________________________________

the racer who's about to
kick your butt.
_________________________________

ANNOUNCER:
Three, two, one, go!

_________________________________
(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________
And pardon me, excuse me,
coming through.
_________________________________
VANELLOPE: Whoo-hoo!
_________________________________
Whoo!
_________________________________
And one, two, three gumboils
right on cue.
_________________________________

Yeah, I love it
when she glitches.
_________________________________
(ENGINES REVVING)
_________________________________
(VANELLOPE SNORING)
_________________________________
Ooh! Huh.
_________________________________

Excuse me.
I must have fallen asleep.
_________________________________

Oh, fun. I'm winning.
_________________________________
(CRYING)
_________________________________
ANNOUNCER:
Vanellope takes a huge lead.
_________________________________
No one's gonna catch her now.
_________________________________
(EXCLAIMING)
_________________________________

She's gonna love this.
_________________________________
(ENGINE REVVING)
_________________________________

(CHUCKLES) Right on time.
_________________________________

What?
_________________________________

"Looking for something new...
_________________________________
"and different?
_________________________________

"Then take this track."
(LAUGHS)
_________________________________

Oh, Ralph,
you old son-of-a-gun.
_________________________________

I'd say I got a little time
for a detour.
_________________________________

SWATI: Whoa!
_________________________________
Hey, look, I think I unlocked
a new track.
_________________________________

-Never seen that before.
-(VANELLOPE WHOOPING)
_________________________________
(EXCLAIMING SHAKILY)
_________________________________

This is awesome!
_________________________________

-Hey, thanks, Ralph!
-(RALPH LAUGHS)
_________________________________

You're welcome!
_________________________________

Get back up on the track,
Swati.
_________________________________

You're going to lose.
_________________________________
(STAMMERS) I can't.

It's like it's driving itself.
_________________________________
Whoo! (EXCLAIMING)
_________________________________

What is wrong with this thing?
(GRUNTS)
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES) What?
_________________________________
-(GRUNTING)
-(GASPS, GRUNTS)
_________________________________
(GRUNTING)
_________________________________
-(GRUNTING)
-(GASPS)
_________________________________

-(YELLS) No, no!
-(GASPS)
_________________________________
RALPH: Kid!
_________________________________
(VANELLOPE SCREAMING)
_________________________________
(VANELLOPE SHRIEKS)
_________________________________

Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
_________________________________

RALPH: Kid! Kid!
_________________________________

Oh, kid, I'm so sorry,

are you okay?
_________________________________
VANELLOPE: Oh, my gosh.
_________________________________

What an amazing track!
_________________________________
Thank you, Ralph! Thank you,
thank you, thank you!
_________________________________

(LAUGHS) You're welcome!
_________________________________

You know I take my duty
as your hero very seriously.
_________________________________

Wait a minute.
_________________________________
You took a serious
doody where?
_________________________________
(BOTH LAUGHING)
_________________________________

(WHISPERING)
Vanellope, get up here.
_________________________________

We have a situation.
_________________________________

Mr. Litwak, the Vanellope

racer wasn't working...
_________________________________
and I think maybe
I turned the wheel too hard.
_________________________________

-Whoa.

-I'm real sorry.
_________________________________

It's okay, Swati.
_________________________________

I think I can get it back

on there pretty easy.
_________________________________

-What did you do, Ralph?

-Nothing.
_________________________________

Leave him alone.
_________________________________
He was just trying to

make the game more exciting.
_________________________________
Yeah, why don't you relax,
Taffyta? Litwak will fix it.
_________________________________

All right, on you...
(GRUNTING)
_________________________________
-(NAFISA GASPS)
-Oh!
_________________________________

Okay. Still not a problem.
_________________________________

He'll just order a new part.
_________________________________

Well, I'd order the new part...
_________________________________

but the company

that made Sugar Rush
_________________________________
went out of business
years ago.
_________________________________
-(RALPH SIGHS)
-(CANDLEHEAD EXCLAIMS)
_________________________________

BOYD: I can try to find one
on the Internet.
_________________________________

NAFISA: Good idea.
GIRL: Oh, me too.
_________________________________

Good luck, that'll be like
finding a needle in a...
_________________________________

I found one! On ebay!
_________________________________

Really? How about that?
_________________________________

See? Those kids
have it under control.
_________________________________
They're just gonna get another

wheel from the eboy.
_________________________________

MR. LITWAK: Are you
kidding me? How much?
_________________________________

That's more than this game
makes in a year.
_________________________________

Aw, I hate to say it,
_________________________________
but my salvage guy
is coming on Friday...
_________________________________

and it might be time to sell

Sugar Rush for parts.
_________________________________

-SWATI: Aww.
-Where's he going?
_________________________________

Litwak's gonna
unplug the game.
_________________________________

Get out of here!
Go, scram, let's go, run!
_________________________________
RALPH: Go, run, run, run, run!
_________________________________
-Let's go!
-JUBILEENA: Run!
_________________________________
(SURGE PROTECTOR WHISTLING)
_________________________________
(RUMBLING)
_________________________________

WYNNCHEL: Gangway!
_________________________________
DUNCAN: Yeah,
you heard him, gangway!
_________________________________
(GROANS) Stop it! No running!
_________________________________

What are you people doing
out of your game,

_________________________________
for Peter's sake?
_________________________________

The arcade is open!
_________________________________

(PANTING) Sugar Rush
is getting unplugged.
_________________________________
(WHIRRING)
_________________________________
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
_________________________________
-(POWERING DOWN)
-(ALL EXCLAIMING)
_________________________________

-We're homeless! (SOBBING)

-Yeah, yeah, we're homeless!
_________________________________

-Oh, what are we gonna do?
-(CRYING)
_________________________________

Y'all, calm down, calm down.

Get a hold of yourselves.
_________________________________
SUGAR RUSH CANDY:
I don't want to be gameless.
_________________________________
(SURGE PROTECTOR GROANS)

_________________________________
An unplugging.

Good Lord.
_________________________________
I haven't seen
this many gameless characters
_________________________________

since Space Invaders
went down.
_________________________________
Um...
_________________________________

Where are we gonna live?
_________________________________

Well, you can stay here until
the arcade closes, I guess...
_________________________________

and then we'll figure out
_________________________________
where the heck
we're gonna put you all.
_________________________________
(LADDER CLANKING)
_________________________________

Okay.
_________________________________
Here we go.
_________________________________

I raided Gene's fridge.
_________________________________

Good news, he's got pie.
_________________________________

Took a bunch of his pillows
and junk too.
_________________________________
I'm thinking we make a fort
out here, or like a yurt.
_________________________________

Or we could take
these pillows...
_________________________________
If we stack them right,
_________________________________
we can make an igloo
out of pillows.
_________________________________

Like a pillow igloo.
Pigloo. Pigloo!
_________________________________

So what do you think, kid?
_________________________________
Fort, yurt, or the obvious
best choice, pigloo?
_________________________________

I can't believe I don't have
a game anymore.
_________________________________

I mean, like,
what am I gonna do all day?
_________________________________

What? Come on,
are you kidding?
_________________________________

You sleep in, you do no work,
_________________________________
then you go to Tapper's
with me every night.
_________________________________

I've literally
just described paradise.
_________________________________

But I loved my game.
_________________________________

Oh, come on.
_________________________________
You were just bellyaching

about the tracks
_________________________________
being too easy.
_________________________________

No, that doesn't mean
I didn't love it.
_________________________________

Yeah, sure,
it was kind of predictable...
_________________________________

but still I never really knew

what might happen in a race.
_________________________________

And it's that,
it's that feeling,
_________________________________
that not-knowing-what's-
coming-next feeling.
_________________________________

That's the stuff.

That feels like life to me.
_________________________________

And if I'm not a racer,

Ralph...
_________________________________
what am I?
_________________________________

Well, you're my best friend.
_________________________________

That's not enough.
_________________________________
Hey.
_________________________________

No, I just...
_________________________________

I'm sorry,
I know I'm being weird.
_________________________________

I think maybe I just need to
be alone right now.
_________________________________
Oh.
_________________________________

Okay.
_________________________________

I'll meet you over at Tapper's

in a little while, I guess.
_________________________________
If you want.
_________________________________

FELIX: All right, now...
_________________________________
we found some good homes
_________________________________
for so many of our chums

from Sugar Rush...
_________________________________
and we're just hoping
a few more of you
_________________________________

will open your doors...
_________________________________
and your hearts
to those in need.
_________________________________

Well, I suppose
that large green olive
_________________________________

will fit in nicely
with my decor.
_________________________________

I'm a sour ball.
_________________________________

Well, beggars can't be

choosers, can they?
_________________________________

Come along, condiment.
_________________________________

(SIGHS) Mmm-kay.
_________________________________

Marvelous.
That just leaves the racers.
_________________________________

We're, like, adorable.
_________________________________

You sure are.
_________________________________

So, any takers?
_________________________________
(ALL HUMMING HESITATINGLY)
_________________________________
FELIX: Um...
_________________________________

Anyone?
_________________________________
(SNIFFLING)
_________________________________

Felix. I know
we've never once talked about
_________________________________
having a family before, but...
_________________________________

I know, it feels
like the kind of thing
_________________________________
you just jump into
with both feet...
_________________________________

and nary a plan.
_________________________________

Felix and I
will give them sanctuary.
_________________________________
(SPITS)
_________________________________

Can I get a quick word
with you two?
_________________________________
(SUGAR RUSH RACERS CHEERING)
_________________________________

Look, I get it.
_________________________________
You've been married six years,
_________________________________

you're looking to

spice things up...
_________________________________

but trust me,
adopting 15 children
_________________________________

is the wrong kind of spice.
_________________________________

Those things
are basically feral.
_________________________________

Pardon me, sir, but those
youngsters are lambs.
_________________________________

Lost little lambs in need of
two kind, caring shepherds.
_________________________________

That's right.
_________________________________

Besides,
how hard can parenting be?
_________________________________

You treat the child
like your best friend...
_________________________________

you give them
everything they want...
_________________________________

and you just love their little
socks off. Right, Tammy?
_________________________________
Darn tootin'.
_________________________________
-(GIRL SCREAMING)
-FELIX: (GASPS) Huh?
_________________________________
(FELIX GASPS)
_________________________________
RACER KID: Come and get it.
_________________________________
CANDLEHEAD:
Get your own candle.
_________________________________

Hey, Mom,
why does your lame TV
_________________________________
only have one channel?
_________________________________

(CHUCKLES) Well,
hate to say I told ya...
_________________________________
Ow!
_________________________________
(SURGE PROTECTOR GROANS)
_________________________________
(ARCADE SOUNDS)
_________________________________
(RALPH SIGHS)
_________________________________

Hey, Tapper?
_________________________________

No, Ralph.
I haven't seen Vanellope.
_________________________________

Not since the last time
you asked me 30 seconds ago.
_________________________________

Sorry.
I'm just worried about her.
_________________________________

She's glitching like crazy,
and acting super insecure.
_________________________________
Oh. And get this, she said...
_________________________________
being friends with me
wasn't enough for her.
_________________________________

Not enough?
I'm a great friend!
_________________________________

Right, Tapper? Right?
_________________________________

I'm sorry.
Who's acting insecure?
_________________________________

Ralph, come on.
_________________________________
The kid just lost her game.

Give her a break.
_________________________________
(STOOL SCRAPES)
_________________________________

There you are... Oh.
_________________________________

Hey, Ralph.
_________________________________

Hey, Felix. Since when do you
drink root beer?
_________________________________

Since tonight.
_________________________________

Yeah, I hear you, buddy.
_________________________________

Hey, listen. This one was
supposed to be for Vanellope.
_________________________________
I guess you can have it.
_________________________________

Doesn't look like
she's coming.
_________________________________

Thanks.
_________________________________

You know,
I can't help but think
_________________________________
this whole mess is somehow...
_________________________________
partially my fault.
_________________________________

It figures.
Just when my life was perfect.
_________________________________

Mine was, too.
_________________________________

But, hey,
now I'm a father of 15.
_________________________________

Isn't that just a blessing?
_________________________________
(SLURPS, GULPING)
_________________________________
(COUGHING, EXCLAIMS)
_________________________________
Eeeee-oh-boy!
_________________________________

Wait. What'd you say, Felix?
_________________________________

Um, isn't that
just a blessing?
_________________________________

No, that weird sound thing.
_________________________________
Oh. Eeeee-oh-boy?
_________________________________

Yeah. (SOFTLY) Eee-oh...
_________________________________

Sorry, say it again?
_________________________________
-Eeeee-oh-boy.
-Eeeee-oh-boy!
_________________________________
-Eeeee-oh-boy!
-Eee-boy! Say it again?
_________________________________
-Eeeee-oh-boy!
-Eeeee-oh-boy.
_________________________________
-Eeeee-oh-boy...
-eboy! eboy! eboy!
_________________________________
-eboy? eboy?
-eboy.
_________________________________

Yeah.

_________________________________
Um, what are you getting

at there, Ralph?
_________________________________

That kid out in the arcade
_________________________________
said there was

a steering wheel part...
_________________________________
on the Internet, it's
something called eboy or...
_________________________________

ebay!
That's it, it was ebay!
_________________________________

Ralph, are you thinking about
_________________________________
going to the Internet

and finding that part?
_________________________________

Getting that part's
the only thing
_________________________________
that's gonna fix the game

and that's the only thing
_________________________________
that's gonna make
Vanellope happy again.
_________________________________

And if Sugar Rush is fixed,
_________________________________
all those lovable scamps
living in my house...
_________________________________

and destroying my sanity
_________________________________
will have homes
of their own again!
_________________________________

Ralph, this is an important
mission. A noble mission!
_________________________________

I will cover for you.
_________________________________

Thanks, pal.
_________________________________

Ralph, what about your tab?

You owe me for the root beer.
_________________________________

Oh, Felix is gonna
cover for me.
_________________________________

Drinks on the house,
everybody! Felix is paying.
_________________________________
-(ALL CHEERING)
-RYU: Shoryuken!
_________________________________
Eeeee-oh-boy.
_________________________________
(GROANS)
_________________________________
-Boo!
-(GLITCHY SCREAMING)
_________________________________

Ralph, what is wrong with you?
_________________________________

Start churning butter
_________________________________
and put on your church shoes,

little sister...
_________________________________
'cause we're about to
blast off!
_________________________________

What are you
even talking about?
_________________________________

Oh, we're going to
the Internet.
_________________________________

(EXCLAIMS) What?
_________________________________

Yeah, to find the part

to fix your game.
_________________________________

No way!
_________________________________

Yeah, I probably
should've just said,
_________________________________
"We're going to the Internet."

We're going to the Internet!
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: Yeah, we are!
_________________________________

Hey, Surge, (SIGHS)
are we glad to see you.
_________________________________

We want to report
some malfeasance
_________________________________
over by the Whac-a-Mole.
_________________________________

Yeah, we saw some undesirables
_________________________________
causing a real donnybrook
over there.
_________________________________

(SCOFFS) Oh, heck no.
Not on my watch.
_________________________________

Appreciate the tip.
_________________________________
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
_________________________________

So, all we gotta do
is find this eboy place.
_________________________________

-ebay.

-Right, ebay.
_________________________________

So we go there,
get the steering wheel...
_________________________________

we have it delivered to Litwak
before Friday.
_________________________________

He'll fix your game.
_________________________________
Everything goes back
to the way it was.
_________________________________

Boom! Happily ever after.
_________________________________

VANELLOPE:
This is a shockingly sound,
_________________________________
well-thought-out idea
for you, Ralph.
_________________________________
No offense.
_________________________________

I know. And none taken.
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: Ooh, here it comes.
_________________________________
Ladies and gentlemen,
boy and girls...
_________________________________
I give you the Internet!
_________________________________
RALPH: Huh.
_________________________________

The Internet is
not nearly as impressive
_________________________________
as how Sonic described it.
_________________________________

Yeah, I gotta admit,
I'm underwhelmed.
_________________________________

Where do you think
they keep their ebay?
_________________________________

RALPH: Beats me.
_________________________________

Hello, anybody here?
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: Anyone? Hello?
_________________________________

(ECHOING)
We're looking for ebay!
_________________________________

Ooh. Did you hear that, kid?

Sweet echo.
_________________________________

Check this out.
_________________________________
(MIMICS CAWING SOUNDS)
_________________________________
VANELLOPE: Hoolie-hoo!
Hoolie-hoo!
_________________________________

Okay, connect to network.
_________________________________
-(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
-Bingo.
_________________________________
Password is "high score"

with a zero instead of an "o."
_________________________________

Yes.
_________________________________
And we are online.
_________________________________
-VANELLOPE: Hoolie-hoo!
-(RALPH CAWING)
_________________________________
-VANELLOPE: Hoolie-hoolie-hoo!
-(RALPH CAWING)
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: Ooh, Ralph, look.
_________________________________
Cool. Mood lighting.
_________________________________
(BOTH SHOUT)
_________________________________
(RALPH GASPS)
_________________________________

Ahhh! That's a gremlin!
Stay away! It's a gremlin!
_________________________________
It looks like
a tiny Mr. Litwak.
_________________________________
AUTOMATED VOICE:
IP address 415-1037-483.
_________________________________

Oh, cool! Come on, Ralph,
let's follow him!
_________________________________

Hey, wait for me!

Kid, come back! Wait!
_________________________________
(GRUNTING) Hey!
Don't leave without me!
_________________________________
AUTOMATED VOICE:
IP address 415-1037-483.
_________________________________
(VANELLOPE SCREAMING)
_________________________________

Vanellope!
_________________________________
(YELPS)
_________________________________
(MUFFLED I can't breathe.
I don't fit.
_________________________________
(SHOUTING)
_________________________________
VANELLOPE: Whoo-hoo!
_________________________________
Yeah! Whoo!
_________________________________
(SCREAMING)
_________________________________
(GRUNTS, GASPING)
_________________________________

Kid!
_________________________________

Ralph! Isn't this great?
_________________________________

No, it is not!
_________________________________
Whoo-hoo!
_________________________________
No, no, no.
_________________________________
(DISTORTED SHOUTING)
_________________________________
Whoa!
_________________________________
(EXCLAIMS, SHOUTS)
_________________________________
-(VANELLOPE EXCLAIMS)
-(EXCLAIMING, GROANS)
_________________________________
(RALPH GASPING)
_________________________________

Sweet mother of monkey milk!
_________________________________
Whoa!
_________________________________

Kid, I don't think
we're in Litwak's anymore.
_________________________________

We most certainly are not,
friendo.
_________________________________

We are in the Internet!

Come on, Ralph!
_________________________________

Holy cow!
_________________________________
Look at all this stuff.
_________________________________
VANELLOPE: Whoa.
_________________________________

This is the most beautiful

miracle I've ever seen.
_________________________________

But it's so big.
_________________________________
It goes on forever and ever.
_________________________________

(GLITCHING) How are we
possibly gonna find
_________________________________

ebay out there?
_________________________________

Hey, kid. Kid, don't worry.
_________________________________
I'm sure
there's someone out here
_________________________________

who could give us directions.
Oh!
_________________________________

Look at that little egg guy.
_________________________________

He's got on one of those hats

that smart people wear.
_________________________________

I bet he could help us.
Come on.
_________________________________

Welcome back
to the search bar, madam.
_________________________________

I hope you are able to find
_________________________________
a satisfactory
breakfast burrito...
_________________________________

based upon the search results

I provided this morning.
_________________________________

What can KnowsMore

help you find now?
_________________________________

Where can I find ballet...?
_________________________________

Ballet shoes? Ballet classes?

Ballet folklorico?
_________________________________

BALLET MOM: ...tights?
_________________________________
Girls' size small.
_________________________________

Oh, little Madeline's

trying ballet now, is she?
_________________________________

I hope this lasts longer

than the soccer phase.
_________________________________
(CHIMES)
_________________________________
Hmm.
_________________________________

I found 23 million results
_________________________________

for ballet tights,

girls' size small.
_________________________________
Isn't that interesting?
_________________________________

AUTOMATED VOICE: Redirecting
to DesmondsTutus.com.

_________________________________
They never say thank you.
_________________________________

Oh, hello, sir.
_________________________________
Interesting, you don't seem to
have a search history.
_________________________________

Well, let's start one for you.
_________________________________

What can KnowsMore
help you find today?
_________________________________

-Um...

-Umbrella. Umbrage.
_________________________________
-Umami. Uma Thurman.

-No.
_________________________________

Noah's Ark. No Doubt.
Nordstrom Rack.
_________________________________

(GROWLS) Err.
_________________________________

Ergonomics. Urban Outfitters.

Urkel, played by Jaleel White.

_________________________________
Looks like no one put
Humpty Dumpty together again.
_________________________________

This guy's
a little soft-boiled.
_________________________________

I'm pretty sure
he's just trying to
_________________________________
guess what you're gonna say.
_________________________________

Yes. I'm sorry,
_________________________________
but my autofill
is a touch aggressive today.
_________________________________

Let me try. (CLEARS THROAT)

ebay Sugar Rush
_________________________________
-steering wheel.
-(CHIMES)
_________________________________

Oh.
_________________________________
I only found one result
for your query.
_________________________________

Hmm. Isn't that interesting?
_________________________________

What? How did you...?
_________________________________
Ah, the Internet's
very intuitive.
_________________________________

Thank you, Mr. KnowsMore.
_________________________________

Well, you're welcome.
_________________________________
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Redirecting to ebay.
_________________________________
(RALPH GROANING)
_________________________________
KNOWSMORE: I like her.
What a delightful girl.
_________________________________
AUTOMATED VOICE: Slow traffic
will be fined for speeds
_________________________________
less than three megabytes
per second.
_________________________________
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
_________________________________
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
_________________________________

Wow, I guess
we know where to go
_________________________________
if we ever need
a pair of goggles.
_________________________________

There's a whole building
full of them.
_________________________________

Oh! There it is! ebay!
_________________________________
(YELPS)
_________________________________

Ralph,
we're really gonna do it.
_________________________________

We're actually gonna
save my game.
_________________________________

Told you not to worry.
_________________________________
We just gotta keep our eyes on
the prize and stay focused.
_________________________________

Get rid of belly fat
using this one weird trick.
_________________________________

Ooh! I love weird tricks.
_________________________________

Sassy housewives

want to meet you.
_________________________________
They do?
_________________________________

Congratulations,
you're a winner!
_________________________________

Really?
_________________________________

These ten child stars
went to prison.
_________________________________

Number six will amaze you.
_________________________________

Ooh. That sounds interesting.
_________________________________

Wanna get rich
playing video games?
_________________________________

Click here to find out how.
_________________________________

Ralph, come on!
_________________________________

But there's a lot of
cool stuff here.
_________________________________

I'll be right here if you

change your mind, brother.
_________________________________

Ooh, how about you, lady?
_________________________________

You wanna get rich
playing video games?
_________________________________
(AUCTIONEER CHATTERING)
_________________________________

Ladies and gentlemen,

the next item up...
_________________________________

a black velvet painting
of a sorrowful kitten.
_________________________________
Bidding starts at 49.99.
_________________________________
850 for the beaver,
_________________________________

the beautifully

taxidermied beaver...
_________________________________

...a gently used
artificial hip...
_________________________________
and the bidding's open at $10.
Do I hear 20?
_________________________________
AUCTIONEER: Do I hear 350?
Who'll give me 350?
_________________________________
50, 50, 50 now.
_________________________________
-who'll give me 350?
-MALE BIDDER: 400!
_________________________________

Going once,
going twice and sold!
_________________________________
-(BELL DINGS)

-The tortilla chip shaped like
_________________________________

international superstar
Beyoncé Knowles...
_________________________________
goes for 400.
_________________________________

Yay! So happy.

_________________________________
Are you understanding

how this game works?
_________________________________

I think all you have to do is
yell out the biggest number...
_________________________________
and then you win this stuff.
_________________________________

(SCOFFS) And I thought
Q*bert's game was weird.
_________________________________

Hey, kid, hop up here...
_________________________________
and see if you can tell
_________________________________
where they keep
their steering wheels.
_________________________________

Uh, there's a bunch of sports
memberabilia.
_________________________________

And big baby clothes

called "lingerie."
_________________________________

-RALPH: Huh.
-Go to the right, move right.
_________________________________

Oh. There's a row with a bunch

of old video game junk!
_________________________________

Oh, there it is! There it is!
I see it!
_________________________________

Oh, someone else
is trying to win it.
_________________________________

Come on. Hurry, let's go!
_________________________________

We got 275.
_________________________________
And with 30 seconds left
in the auction, we have 275.
_________________________________
RALPH: Move! Move! Hey!
_________________________________
-That's ours! Out of the way!
-Do I hear a three?
_________________________________

-I'll give you three!

- I got three!
_________________________________
Can I get a 305? 305?
Can I give a 3-5?
_________________________________

-305.
-305, can I get a 310?
_________________________________
-Can you bid 310?

-310.
_________________________________
-315.

-320.
_________________________________
325.
_________________________________

Oh, man, this guy is good!
_________________________________

He keeps coming up with

numbers like it's nothing.
_________________________________

I hear three-and-a-quarter.
Do I hear 350?
_________________________________

-350? 350?

-Watch this.
_________________________________

1,000!
_________________________________

1,000!
Now we have a bid of 1,000!
_________________________________

Way to go, kid!

That is a huge number.
_________________________________

-Thank you.

-Check this out.
_________________________________
15,000!
_________________________________

15,000! Do I hear 15-5?
_________________________________
(STAMMERS)
_________________________________
15-fiver!
_________________________________

-16!

-17!
_________________________________

-18!

-20!
_________________________________

-23!

-25!
_________________________________

-27!

-27 and one!
_________________________________

And sold! For 27,001...
_________________________________
to the barefoot hobo
in the broken overalls.
_________________________________

Hey, that's me!
_________________________________

-We won!
-We won!
_________________________________

Congratulations.
Here's your voucher
_________________________________

for auction item 197324579.
_________________________________

Please take it to checkout
for processing.
_________________________________

EBAY ELAYNE:
So, we are set to ship
_________________________________
one Sugar Rush
steering wheel...
_________________________________

-RALPH: Mmm-hmmm.
-...to a Litwak's Family
_________________________________
FunLand in Los Aburridos,
California.
_________________________________

Yep.
_________________________________

With expedited shipping,
_________________________________
that should arrive
Wednesday morning.
_________________________________

That's two whole days before

Litwak scraps your game.
_________________________________

We're way ahead of schedule.
_________________________________

We rule!
_________________________________

I'll just need
a credit card number.
_________________________________

Sorry, what's a
credit card number?
_________________________________

A credit card number.
_________________________________

Number. Right.

Uh, seven.
_________________________________

Excuse me?
_________________________________

Sorry, no. You're right,

ridiculous. I meant 11.
_________________________________

Those aren't
credit card numbers.
_________________________________

I'm pretty sure they are.
_________________________________

How exactly do you intend

to pay for this item, sir?
_________________________________

You owe $27,001.
_________________________________

What?
_________________________________

Dollars? Dollars like money?
_________________________________

Yes, and if you don't
have a credit card...
_________________________________

we also accept PayPal,
Venmo,
_________________________________

ProPay, SquareCash
and BuzzzyBucks.
_________________________________
-Uh...
-(CHUCKLING)
_________________________________

You're gonna laugh. Okay.
_________________________________

So this big galoot,
he left his wallet at home.
_________________________________

Yeah, yeah, I did leave
my wallet at home,
_________________________________
in my wallet room.
And the door's locked.
_________________________________
Uh-huh.
_________________________________
Look. If you don't pay
within 24 hours...
_________________________________
you will be in violation
of the unpaid item policy...
_________________________________

you will forfeit the bid,
and you will lose this item.
_________________________________

Next!
_________________________________

Hey, buddy, you going to eboy?
_________________________________

Well, I got some free advice
for you. Don't.
_________________________________
What a scam!
_________________________________

(GRUNTING) We were so close,
and we would have gotten...
_________________________________
Look, their signs
aren't even real!
_________________________________
(SHOUTS)
_________________________________

What the heck? Dang Internet.
_________________________________
(CHIMING)
_________________________________
(SHOUTING)
_________________________________
Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man.
_________________________________

Hey, kid. What's going on?
What's wrong?
_________________________________

If I don't have
the steering wheel,
_________________________________
I don't have the game,
I'm gameless.
_________________________________

There's only one steering
wheel on the whole Internet...
_________________________________
and we blew our chance

to get it. We blew it!
_________________________________

Hey, hey, hey, calm down.
_________________________________

We came here
to save your game,
_________________________________

and that's what
we're gonna do.
_________________________________
Right.
_________________________________

-Okay?

-Okay, yeah.
_________________________________
(EXHALES)
_________________________________

There you go.
_________________________________
Now look, all we gotta do...
_________________________________

is figure out a way
to earn a little bit of moola.
_________________________________

We're video game characters,
Ralph! We don't have moola.
_________________________________

Unless you can think

of some magical way
_________________________________
to get rich
playing video games.
_________________________________
(BOTH GASP)
_________________________________

Wanna get rich
playing video games?
_________________________________

Click right here
to find out how.
_________________________________

-Back off, pop-up!
-(GROANING)
_________________________________

POP-UP BLOCKER:
Right this way, miss.
_________________________________

Dang pop-up blockers.
_________________________________

Why does everybody
gotta be so mean?
_________________________________

Ooh! There he is! Oh, thank
goodness you're still here!
_________________________________

Me and my friend here, we got

24 hours to make $27,001...
_________________________________

or she loses her game.
_________________________________

Yeah, can you please tell us
_________________________________
how to get rich
playing video games?
_________________________________

(STAMMERING)
You bet! (CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

Come on, click here and
I'll take you to my website.
_________________________________
(RALPH EXCLAIMING)
_________________________________
(RALPH GROANS)
_________________________________

You got an ample carriage
there, buster. (CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

Causing a little drag.
_________________________________

Sorry. You're getting close
to the edge.
_________________________________

Huh?
_________________________________

RALPH: You see the...?
The edge. The edge! (SHOUTS)
_________________________________
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
_________________________________

SPAMLEY: By the way,
my name is JP Spamley...
_________________________________

and I'd like to welcome
the both of you
_________________________________
to the Spamley family.
_________________________________
(SPAMLEY CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

All right,
step into my parlor.
_________________________________

This is your website?
_________________________________

I know what you're thinking,

not to worry.
_________________________________

My anti-virus guy

was just here.
_________________________________
-Clean as a...
-(RAT SQUEAKING)
_________________________________
Oh! (GRUNTING)
_________________________________
Dang it!
_________________________________

Oh, my gosh.
That's embarrassing.
_________________________________

(CHUCKLES) Anyway,
I know it's a bit of a mess...
_________________________________

Hey, Gord!
_________________________________

But I do have a system here,
I really do.
_________________________________

If I can just find that...
Gord!
_________________________________

-I just got to find this list.
-(BOTH SHRIEK)
_________________________________

SPAMLEY: Oh, there you are.
_________________________________

These guys are looking to get

rich playing video games.
_________________________________

What do you got for them,
partner?
_________________________________

Thank you.
_________________________________

"Fishwife's amulet,
Wizard Quest, three dollars."
_________________________________

"Foxhole hammer, Zombie
Crusades, five dollars"?
_________________________________

Now, those there are
_________________________________
some of your more commonplace,
low-dollar items.
_________________________________

Can you back up a sec,
Mr. Spamley?
_________________________________

Um, you're saying if we find
_________________________________
the Golden Cleats

from Pro League Soccer...
_________________________________
 we find those and bring them
back here to you...
_________________________________
then a human being in the
real world will pay us $15?
_________________________________

Yes, ma'am.
_________________________________

Welcome to the exciting world
of loot hunting.
_________________________________

Folks go into games...
_________________________________

they harvest
the most coveted items...
_________________________________
and they sell them
on my website
_________________________________

to the highest bidder. Ha-ha?
_________________________________

Okay, but here's the thing...
_________________________________

we need like
a buttload of money.
_________________________________

So, do you have any more

lucrative items, maybe?
_________________________________

Gord!
_________________________________
-Gord!
-(BOTH SHRIEK)
_________________________________

Oh, there you are.
_________________________________

Thank you, buddy.

You're such a nice guy.
_________________________________

Is $40,000 lucrative
enough for you?
_________________________________
-Whoa!
-Whoa.
_________________________________

It's more than enough.
_________________________________
I got a guy
in Des Moines, Iowa...
_________________________________

who will pay 40 grand
for Shank's car...
_________________________________

from a game
called Slaughter Race.

_________________________________
A racing game?
_________________________________

That's right. Slaughter Race
is the most popular
_________________________________

online racing game out there.
_________________________________

However,
it is wicked dangerous.
_________________________________

We ain't afraid of danger.
_________________________________

This kid is the best racer
in the whole world.
_________________________________

We'll get you that car,
no problemo.
_________________________________

ANNOUNCER: Slaughter Race!
Enter at your own risk.

_________________________________
(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________
(HORN BLARING)
_________________________________
Okay, this game
is kind of amazing.
_________________________________

Meh, the attention to detail

is pretty impressive.
_________________________________
(COUGHING)
_________________________________

I don't think
I've ever been in a game
_________________________________
-with smog before.
-(BOTH GASP)
_________________________________
-(DOG BARKING)
-(RALPH SHOUTING)
_________________________________

-Nice kitty. Nice kitty.
-Easy, boy. Easy.
_________________________________
(RALPH AND VANELLOPE SHRIEK)
_________________________________
(WATER SPLASHES)
_________________________________

Let's just find Shank's car
and get outta here.
_________________________________

Agreed.
_________________________________

-Look. Look.
-Whoa!
_________________________________
RALPH: There it is.
_________________________________

VANELLOPE:
That car is gorgeous.
_________________________________

No wonder it's worth so much.
_________________________________
-(SHUSHES)
-(FOOTSTEPS)
_________________________________
RALPH: Aw, sugar.
_________________________________

-Players. They beat us to it.
-Aw.
_________________________________

JIMMY: 31 hours
of continuous gameplay...
_________________________________

and we've finally
found Shank's car.

_________________________________
Let's jack this ride.
_________________________________

Oh, yeah, DirtySocks,
it's on.
_________________________________

JIMMY'S GRANDMA: Jim! Jimmy?
_________________________________
You're not playing that

horrible video game, are you?
_________________________________

-(LAUGHS)
-No, Grandma!
_________________________________
I'm doing my homework.
_________________________________

Okay, like I said...
_________________________________

Let's jack this ride.
_________________________________
(TIFFANY WHIMPERS)
_________________________________
SHANK: Well, well, well.
_________________________________

While the cat goes away,

these mice tried to play.
_________________________________

Hey, I think
that might be Shank.
_________________________________

Listen up, mice...
_________________________________

anyone who tries to play
with this cat ride
_________________________________

is gonna get got.
_________________________________

JIMMY:
You're going down, Shank.

_________________________________
Pyro.
Give those punks the works.
_________________________________

With pleasure.
_________________________________
(BOTH GASP)
_________________________________

ANNOUNCER: End of the road!

_________________________________
Gosh dang it!

Now we gotta start all over.
_________________________________

Ralph, maybe...
_________________________________
-(PANTING)

-Hey, where are you going?
_________________________________

I am scared.
_________________________________

If we get burned up in here,
_________________________________
that's it, we're dead,
we're gone.
_________________________________

So, I think we should
get outta here right now.
_________________________________

No, wait, wait.
I have an idea.
_________________________________
-(BELL RINGS)
-(POWER SWITCH CLANGS)
_________________________________

Hey, Shank?
_________________________________

What's up, Pyro?
_________________________________

Um, do you ever reckon
we're going a bit too hard
_________________________________
on the players?
_________________________________

Honestly, no, I don't.
_________________________________

Of course, I have empathy for
players like DirtySocks537
_________________________________
and BabeRaham_Linkin...
_________________________________

but if we just let them win,
_________________________________

where's the life lesson?
You know?
_________________________________

-PYRO: Mmm.
-Yeah, but to Pyro's point...
_________________________________
I mean, those players
worked so hard to get here.
_________________________________

I hear you, Felony...
_________________________________

but imagine a game
without challenges.
_________________________________

The same predictable thing
every single time...
_________________________________

who wants that?
_________________________________

Shank's right.
_________________________________

I just saw a really insightful
TED talk...
_________________________________

and I can't really remember

what the guy said.
_________________________________

It was more about
how he made me feel.
_________________________________

But I think, ultimately,
the point was...
_________________________________
I honor your journeys, guys.
_________________________________

And we honor yours,
Butcher Boy.
_________________________________

Thank you.
_________________________________

Hey, Shank,
_________________________________
did you ever wonder
what it would be like...
_________________________________
if someone actually
did get your car?
_________________________________

Well, I know one thing...
_________________________________

whoever does will have to be
the best of the rest.
_________________________________
-(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
-(ALL EXCLAIM)
_________________________________

Good day to you, madam.
_________________________________

Who are you?
_________________________________

I'm here from the,
uh, Department of Noise.
_________________________________

And the thing is, we've been
getting some complaints
_________________________________
down at HQ.
_________________________________

Uh, Larry's the one
who takes the calls.
_________________________________

Anyways, someone told Larry...
_________________________________
that we've been
hearing a lot of
_________________________________
gun sounds
and screaming sounds...
_________________________________
and what-have-you.
That sort of thing.
_________________________________

Whoa! This is nice.
_________________________________

Where have you
been all my life?
_________________________________

Uh, so I came to
check on things.
_________________________________

Oh, I'm sorry, who did you
say you were again?
_________________________________

Oh, I'm Larry?
_________________________________

Uh, you said
Larry took the call.
_________________________________
-(ENGINE REVVING)
-(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________
-(GROANS)
-(GASPS)
_________________________________

Good job, Larry!
_________________________________

Yeah, worked like a charm!
_________________________________
(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________

Are you kidding me?

Someone got Shank's car?

_________________________________
And I need yours. Sorry.
_________________________________

I'm just... I'm just gonna go.

_________________________________
(JIMMY CRIES)
_________________________________
This is the worst day
of my life!
_________________________________

(SIGHS) It's a shame
we have to leave so soon.
_________________________________

This game is cool.
_________________________________

Just get us out of here
_________________________________
so we can get this car
to Spamley and get paid.
_________________________________

No problem.
_________________________________
(CARS CRASHING)
_________________________________
RALPH: Uh-oh.
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: Look at this guy
coming in hot.
_________________________________
-(VANELLOPE SHRIEKS)
-(RALPH SHOUTING)
_________________________________

You mess with the bull, you

get the horns, little girl!
_________________________________
(RALPH SCREAMS)
_________________________________

You still have value,
Butcher Boy.
_________________________________

RALPH: Oh, no!
It's that Shank lady!
_________________________________

She looks upset.
_________________________________

Ah, don't worry,
I'll lose her.
_________________________________
(RALPH YELLING)
_________________________________
(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________
(RALPH SHOUTING)
_________________________________
Where are you going?
_________________________________

Kid, get back on the track.

I'm gonna lose my cookies.
_________________________________

There is no track.
I can drive anywhere.
_________________________________
Whoo!
_________________________________
(RALPH SHOUTING)
_________________________________

Oh, kid, she's coming up
right behind us.
_________________________________

Oh, hello!
_________________________________

I believe you have
something of mine.
_________________________________

Yeah, come and get it.
_________________________________
(ENGINE REVVING)
_________________________________
(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________
-Ooh!
-(RALPH SHOUTING)
_________________________________

(EXCLAIMS)
This girl can drive.
_________________________________

Would you hurry up
and lose her?
_________________________________

I'm trying!
_________________________________

-Hang on, chumbo!
-(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________
(RALPH SHRIEKS)
_________________________________
(RALPH SHOUTS, WHIMPERS)
_________________________________
I don't like this!
_________________________________
(RALPH GASPING)
_________________________________
(RALPH EXCLAIMING)
_________________________________
(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________

Whoa! Mother Hubbard,
this lady can really drive.
_________________________________

Kid, fire!
Do you see the fire?
_________________________________

Dead end! Dead end!
_________________________________

Not for me. Bye-bye, Shanky.
_________________________________
(DISTORTED SHOUTING)
_________________________________
VANELLOPE: Whoo-hoo!
_________________________________

RALPH: Oh, yeah!
VANELLOPE: That's the stuff.
_________________________________

Good job, kid.
_________________________________

Oh, yeah,
I feel like me again.
_________________________________

One exit straight ahead.
_________________________________
(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________

You're not gonna lose me
that easy.
_________________________________

How did you...?
_________________________________

Uh, you might wanna keep
your eyes on the road.
_________________________________

(GASPS) Kid!
_________________________________
-(TIRES SCREECHING)
-(SHRIEKS)
_________________________________
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
_________________________________
(VANELLOPE GASPS)
_________________________________

Yo, Department of Noise,

get out of my car!
_________________________________

Oh, man, what are we gonna do?
_________________________________

You just stay put,
don't panic.
_________________________________

I'm gonna talk to her.
_________________________________

Ralph, be careful.
_________________________________

It's fine.
This is what heroes do.
_________________________________
(GRUNTING, NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
_________________________________

My bottom is stuck.
_________________________________

This car is not designed
for a big boy.
_________________________________
I'll tell you that. Hi.
_________________________________

You guys really thought
you could just steal my car?
_________________________________

Well, let me tell you

what's gonna happen now.
_________________________________

No, wait, listen. We aren't

normally car thieves.
_________________________________

My friend here,
she's a candy kart racer.
_________________________________

You should see her
racing around
_________________________________
her sweet little track...
_________________________________

in her cookie wafer car
we built together.
_________________________________
(GROANS IN EMBARRASSMENT)
_________________________________

And, well, the thing is, her
perfect little game broke...
_________________________________
and it was my fault...
_________________________________

so we're here
to try to fix it...
_________________________________
and we need money to do that,
_________________________________
and someone was
gonna pay us money...
_________________________________
-to steal your car...

-Okay, okay.
_________________________________
-...and so we took it.
-You can stop crying.
_________________________________

-(SNIFFLING)
-Though I do respect
_________________________________
your wonderful display
of vulnerability.
_________________________________

(SNIFFLES) Thank you.
_________________________________

I get it, I do.
_________________________________
Friendship is
everything to us, too.
_________________________________

-Right, guys?

-Word. We're like family.
_________________________________

That's really great.
_________________________________

So, does this mean
we can keep your car?
_________________________________

Absolutely not.

But I do want to help.
_________________________________

Hey, you got
your phone on you?
_________________________________

-You know it.

-Let's make a video.
_________________________________

Pyro, hit big boy

with the blow and go.
_________________________________

I'd love to.
_________________________________

Wait. What's the...?
_________________________________
(AIR WHOOSHING)
_________________________________
(SHOUTING) What are you doing?
_________________________________

Say something, first thing

that comes to your mind.
_________________________________

I'm gonna wreck it!
_________________________________

Good! All right.
Turn it off.
_________________________________
(SHOUTS) Ow.
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: What the heck
did you do that for?
_________________________________

Yeah.
_________________________________

There are much better ways
to make money on the Internet
_________________________________

than stealing cars...
_________________________________
such as becoming
a BuzzzTube star.
_________________________________

Am I supposed to know
what that is?
_________________________________

Oh, come on.
Everybody knows BuzzzTube.
_________________________________

It's the video-sharing site.
_________________________________

I'm just starting
your account...
_________________________________
-(CELL PHONE CHIMES)

-All right, there you go.
_________________________________

If this thing goes viral,

you can make a lot of money.
_________________________________

A friend of mine,
chick named Yesss...
_________________________________

she's the head algorithm
over there.
_________________________________

Tell her I sent you.
_________________________________

Yesss will hook you up.
_________________________________

Wow,
that's very nice of you.
_________________________________

I'm not sure
if "nice" is a right word.
_________________________________

Well, thank you.
_________________________________

I should be thanking you,
little sister.
_________________________________

That race was fun.
_________________________________

Oh. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
_________________________________
Well, thank you again.
_________________________________
Uh... You know...
_________________________________
While we're talking shop,
what move did you do
_________________________________

to get through
that tunnel of fire?
_________________________________

Was it a power drift into
a drift jump, maybe, or...?
_________________________________

Maybe.
_________________________________

If you ever wanna come back

for a rematch...
_________________________________
I'd be happy

to kick your butt again.
_________________________________
-(CHUCKLES)
-See you.
_________________________________
(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________
-(TRAIN HORN BLARES)
-(CROSSING SIGNAL DINGING)
_________________________________

Whoa.
_________________________________

Show-off.
_________________________________

Man, oh, man,
that place was scary.
_________________________________

I know. It was so exciting!
_________________________________

No, exciting is
when you smile.
_________________________________

Scary is when
you clench your butt,
_________________________________

and my butt is still clenched.
_________________________________

Oh, come on,
are you honestly telling me...
_________________________________
that Shank lady wasn't the
coolest person you ever met?
_________________________________

Cool?
Name one cool thing about her.
_________________________________

Um, let's see, she looks cool,
she talks cool...
_________________________________
she drives cool, her hair
is cool, her car is cool...
_________________________________

Wait a minute, are you saying
my hair isn't cool?
_________________________________

What? No! I'm just saying
the game was next-level.
_________________________________

There was no one telling you

what to do or where to go.
_________________________________

Hey, just where do you think
you're going?
_________________________________

To BuzzzTube. It's this way.
_________________________________

No, no, no.
We're going back to Spamley's.
_________________________________

He can give us
some easier loot to find.
_________________________________

No, we're supposed to

see Shank's friend.
_________________________________

Oh, come on. I don't trust

that Shank one bit.
_________________________________

-Well, I do.

-Well, I... (GASPS)
_________________________________

-Hello, mister!

-Who are you?
_________________________________

I'm your friendly
ebay alert messenger.
_________________________________

Huh. An actual eboy.
_________________________________

Just here to let you know your
bid expires in eight hours.
_________________________________

Eight hours.
Okay, thanks, eboy.
_________________________________

You got it, Jackson!
_________________________________

Chumbo, if we nickel-and-dime
it with Spamley...
_________________________________
it will take 20 years to make
enough money to buy the wheel.
_________________________________

(SIGHS) All right, fine.
We'll do it your way.
_________________________________
But I'm telling you right now,
that BuzzzTube place
_________________________________

is a terrible idea.
_________________________________
(OVERLAPPING NOISES ON VIDEOS)
_________________________________

Man, there are all kinds of
videos in here.
_________________________________

Yeah, if you like babies
and cats.
_________________________________

-Look, there's you!
-Oh, yeah.
_________________________________
RALPH: (ON VIDEO)
I'm gonna wreck it!
_________________________________
(ALL LAUGHING)
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: I wonder
why those little guys
_________________________________
are giving your video
all those hearts?
_________________________________

Because obviously
they love me.
_________________________________

I told you this place

was a good idea.
_________________________________

(SCOFFS)
Yeah, sure you did, doof.
_________________________________

Now, who we supposed to see
about getting paid again?
_________________________________

The head algorithm.

Her name is Yesss.
_________________________________

No. No. No.
_________________________________
Uninspired, clichéd...
_________________________________

Ugh! YouTube's got this one.
_________________________________

Chewbacca Dad? Really?
_________________________________

Yeah, it's like Chewbacca Mom,

but it's a daddy.
_________________________________

-No!
-(DOOR OPENS)
_________________________________

Heyo!
Are you the head of Al Gore?
_________________________________

I am the head algorithm
of BuzzzTube...
_________________________________

which means
I curate the content...
_________________________________

at the Internet's most popular
video-sharing site.
_________________________________

Which means,
I don't have time to trifle...
_________________________________
with every shoeless,

mouth-breathing hobo
_________________________________
that trundles into my office.
_________________________________

Call security, Maybe.
_________________________________

Yes. (STAMMERS) But, Yesss,
this is the leaf blower guy.
_________________________________

Who?
_________________________________

The man
with undulating jowls.
_________________________________

So?
_________________________________

(WHISPERS) His video has
1.3 million hearts.
_________________________________
(EXCLAIMS) Well!
_________________________________

(LAUGHS)
Why didn't you tell me
_________________________________
I was in the presence
of a genius?
_________________________________

(SNAPS FINGERS)
Grab him a drink. (CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

Yeah, this lady named Shank...
_________________________________

she actually made the video.
_________________________________

She's the one who told us
to come see you.
_________________________________

No wonder
your video's so dope.
_________________________________

Shank is for real cool.
_________________________________

Right?
_________________________________

(SCOFFS) She is not.
_________________________________
I'm the cool one
getting all the hearts.
_________________________________

Well, that's right,
you big baby.
_________________________________
-(YESS COOING)
-(GIGGLES)
_________________________________
Yeah.
_________________________________
_________________________________

Um, what'd you say
your name was?
_________________________________

Ralph, Wreck-It Ralph.
_________________________________

Well, Wreck-lt Ralph,
you are trending!
_________________________________

And these are for you. Hearts,
hearts, hearts, hearts.
_________________________________

-Hearts, hearts, hearts!
-Hearts, hearts, hearts!
_________________________________
Yes! Hearts!
_________________________________
(BOTH REPEATING)
_________________________________
(BOTH LAUGHING)
_________________________________

Uh, not to buzzkill
the lovefest
_________________________________

you guys got going on here...
_________________________________

but Shank kinda told us that
_________________________________
viral videos can make,
like, actual money?
_________________________________

Oh, hearts are money, honey.
_________________________________
Your Buzzzy account
converts hearts into dollars.
_________________________________

Ka-ching!
_________________________________

RALPH: $43,000!
_________________________________

Kid, we only needed $27,001.
We're done.
_________________________________

Oh, no, no, no. (LAUGHING)
_________________________________

That's $43.
_________________________________

43? That's not even
half of 27,001.
_________________________________

And we only have eight hours

left to save my game.
_________________________________

Ugh. Well, I hate to say it,
but that ain't happening.
_________________________________

Your video is tapped out.
_________________________________

But I thought I was trenching?
_________________________________

Trending.
_________________________________

You were.
But that was 15 seconds ago.
_________________________________

Now, you're not. (CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

Thanks for stopping by,
though.
_________________________________
Aw!
_________________________________

What are we gonna do, kid?
_________________________________

All right, pal, I have
an idea. And hear me out.
_________________________________

What if we go back

to Slaughter Race

_________________________________
and I ask Shank really...
_________________________________

No, no, no. We're not going
back to that death trap.
_________________________________

Yesss, what if I made you

a whole bunch of videos...
_________________________________
of me doing all kinds of them
crazy things?
_________________________________

You mean saturate the market?
_________________________________

That could give you
a lot of hearts fast.
_________________________________

Have you thought
this through at all?
_________________________________
What do you plan on even doing
in these videos?
_________________________________

I'll just copy
whatever's popular.
_________________________________

Genius. Yo, Maybe,
what's trending right now?
_________________________________

Mmm-hmm.
Let's have a lookie-lookie.
_________________________________

As usual, human suffering
is number one...
_________________________________

followed by hot pepper
_________________________________

-eating challenges...
-(SCREAMING)
_________________________________

-video game walkthroughs...
-(GOAT SCREAMING)
_________________________________

oh, screaming goats
are back...
_________________________________

unboxings, cooking demos,
makeup tutorials...
_________________________________

and lastly, ugh, bee puns.
_________________________________

(BUZZING) Let's "bee" friends.

_________________________________
(BOTH GROAN)
_________________________________
Two weeks in a row, guys.
_________________________________

That's a fortnight
of bee puns.
_________________________________

He won't be doing any bee
puns. They're beneath you.
_________________________________

Oh, I'm doing the bee pun.
Oh, yes, I am.
_________________________________

And I'll be eating a hot pepper,

and I'm putting on makeup...
_________________________________

and whatever else it takes!
_________________________________

Because, kid, we came here

to save your game
_________________________________

and we're gonna do it.
_________________________________

I love it! Ha!
_________________________________
That is what the Internet
was made for!
_________________________________

Now, let's get to work.
_________________________________
(LEE YAWNING)
_________________________________
Seen it.
_________________________________
Saw that one.
_________________________________
Seen it. Seen it.
_________________________________
-Huh?
-(MOUSE CLICKS)
_________________________________
(RALPH SHOUTING)
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

Yo, McNeely,
you remember Wreck-lt Ralph?
_________________________________

That bad guy
from the old video game?
_________________________________

Yeah, exactly.
_________________________________
I'm gonna send you
a super random video.
_________________________________
Check it out, dude.
_________________________________
Yeah, I'll give it a heart.
Whatever.
_________________________________
(RALPH SHOUTING ON VIDEO)
_________________________________

Hey, everybody, welcome to
Up To the Meme-ent!
_________________________________
I'm your host, Dani Fernandez.
_________________________________

Nobody knows
who's making them,
_________________________________

but the whole world
is going bonkers...
_________________________________

over a series
of truly bizarre videos...
_________________________________

starring '80s-era bad guy
Wreck-lt Ralph.
_________________________________

Check out what
everyone is buzzing about...
_________________________________
over at BuzzzTube.com.

_________________________________
Hey, guys,
Wreck-lt Ralph here...
_________________________________
with the ghost pepper
challenge.
_________________________________

Supposed to be spicy.

We'll see about that.
_________________________________

Mmm. That's not so...
_________________________________

Oh, it's very hot!

Oh, make it stop!
_________________________________

(CHUCKLES) Yo, McNeely,
another one just dropped.
_________________________________

Check it out, dude.
_________________________________

Where are these things
coming from?
_________________________________

Hey, Josey, did you see

the pepper challenge?
_________________________________

JOSEY: Oh, not yet.
_________________________________
I'm watching the one

where he just smacks his lips.
_________________________________

It's disgusting.
_________________________________
RALPH: You don't want
any real hard lines.
_________________________________

You just want to blend that

out there, like this...

_________________________________
And that, my friends,
_________________________________
is how you achieve
the perfect cat eye.

_________________________________
-(LAUGHTER)
-I always start
_________________________________
with the hootenanny.

Shift it into a floss.
_________________________________

And now I finish with
a hot Marat. Huh? Huh?
_________________________________
Follow along with me,
_________________________________

and I'm gonna give this little

cloud a little friend...

_________________________________
-in the form of a tree.
-(LAUGHTER)
_________________________________
Everybody needs a friend.
_________________________________
Look at these guys.
_________________________________

Look at this one,
sleeping under his ear.
_________________________________
You couch potatoes.
Wake up.
_________________________________

We've been baking
at about 950 degrees
_________________________________
now for six hours...
_________________________________
so she should be ready.

_________________________________
(COUGHING)
_________________________________
Voilá! Burnt pie!
_________________________________

Let's have a little whiff
of this here. (SNIFFS)
_________________________________

(SHOUTING) My hair, my hair!
My hair!

_________________________________
This man is on fire.
_________________________________
Literal and figurative fire.
_________________________________

But he still needs
200 million hearts
_________________________________
in the next five hours...
_________________________________

or this beautiful child
loses her game.
_________________________________

That's why
I'm on to phase two...
_________________________________

you, my elite Pop-Up Army.
_________________________________
I need you out there
popping up...
_________________________________
and getting click
all over the Internet.
_________________________________

I'm talking Tumblr,
Instagram, Mashable.
_________________________________

Be my pied pipers and
_________________________________
lead that beautiful traffic
to BuzzzTube...
_________________________________

because Wreck-It Ralph
needs his hearts.
_________________________________

Hey, mister! Hey, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, you, you.
_________________________________

You don't want to miss this.
_________________________________

It's the latest
Wreck-It Ralph video!
_________________________________

Click it. Click it!
_________________________________

Man oh Manischewitz,
that looks so fun.
_________________________________

Yesss, can I be a pop-up?
_________________________________

I don't know. Can you be

annoyingly aggressive?
_________________________________

I don't know.
Can I? Can I? Can I?
_________________________________
Can I? Can I? Can I?
Can I? Can I? Can I?
_________________________________

Oh, yes, you're perfect. Here.
_________________________________

Thank you!
_________________________________

If you're going, I wanna go.
_________________________________

No, baby, you've got to stay
here and be my movie star.
_________________________________

What? No, no, no. Me and the
kid are like shoes and socks.
_________________________________

Or peanut butter and bacon.
_________________________________

One cannot exist
without the other.
_________________________________

Go on, kid, tell her.
_________________________________

It's true.
_________________________________

In fact, it's so true

that we will be fine
_________________________________
if we're apart for a minute.
_________________________________
Come on, pal. It's my game

we're trying to save.
_________________________________

I just wanna get out there
and be useful.
_________________________________

But without me?
_________________________________

What if you get lost?

You're just a kid.
_________________________________

Oh, and you're

some mature adult?
_________________________________

Well, I'm bigger.
_________________________________
Don't be insecure, big fella.
_________________________________

She's not gonna get lost.
I promise.
_________________________________

She'll be in
my personal web browser.
_________________________________

And your app comes
with BuzzzFace...
_________________________________

so you can keep in touch

anywhere on the Internet.
_________________________________

See, I'll be fine.
_________________________________

I know, I just...
_________________________________
(SIGHS)
_________________________________

We haven't been apart
in like six years.
_________________________________

I'm going to miss you.
_________________________________

You'll be fine, too.
_________________________________

The more hearts
you videos get,
_________________________________

the faster
we'll get the wheel,
_________________________________

And then we can go home.
_________________________________

Look, we'll be celebrating
_________________________________
at Tapper's this time
tomorrow, buddy.
_________________________________

Yeah. I guess you're right.
_________________________________

Bye!
_________________________________

Be careful, huh?

Don't be a dummy.
_________________________________
(WHOOSHES)
_________________________________
(SIGHS)
_________________________________

So where exactly
are you sending her?
_________________________________

Since candy girl

comes from an arcade game...
_________________________________

I'm thinking she'd be good

in the gaming district.
_________________________________

Oh, no, no, no, no.
Bad idea.
_________________________________

Those games are dangerous,

and they rot your brain.
_________________________________

Why don't we
send her somewhere
_________________________________
a little more,
totally different from that...
_________________________________

and nowhere near there?
_________________________________

Let's see.
Family Friendly Fansites.
_________________________________
That sounds safe, and she is
technically a princess...
_________________________________

so how about this one here
_________________________________
with the sweet little
pink castle?
_________________________________

I love it.
_________________________________
Okay, I'll redirect our newest
pop-up to OhMyDisney.com.

_________________________________
-(GIRLS CHEERING)
-(POP MUSIC PLAYING)
_________________________________

Jeez Louise, this place
is bonkers! Whoa!
_________________________________
To infinity and beyond!
_________________________________

Aw, come on! Princesses
and cartoon characters?
_________________________________
Lame.
_________________________________

Hey, easy there.
_________________________________

Oh, I mean,
no offense or anything.
_________________________________

Well, time to get to work.
_________________________________

ANNOUNCER:
And for your final question.
_________________________________

"My friends
would describe me as?"
_________________________________

"Smart, funny,
kind, or brave."

_________________________________
Um...
_________________________________
Kind, I guess?
_________________________________

Based on your answers,
your princess BFF is
_________________________________
Snow White!
_________________________________
I do believe our friendship
_________________________________
will be the fairest
of them all!
_________________________________

Hey, wanna meet my BFF?
It's Wreck-lt Ralph.
_________________________________
Just click here
to see his new video.
_________________________________
(BEEPS)
_________________________________

Thank you.
_________________________________

Yeah, um, in Captain America:
The First Avenger...
_________________________________

Red Skull refers to Yggdrasil,
_________________________________
the World Tree,

Guardian of Wisdom and Fate.

_________________________________
Are we to believe, sir,
_________________________________
that you are a descendant
of that tree?
_________________________________

I am Groot.
_________________________________

Okay, okay.
Thank you very much.
_________________________________

Um, what is Drax really like?
_________________________________

-I am Groot.

-Thank you.

_________________________________
Yeah. Are you a conifer
or a fruit-bearing tree?
_________________________________

-I...
-Excuse me.
_________________________________
I'll take this one.

He is Groot,
_________________________________
I am Vanellope, click here
to meet Wreck-It Ralph.
_________________________________

Eh, his is almost too easy.
_________________________________

STORMTROOPER 1: Hey, you
have a permit for that pop-up?
_________________________________
Uh...
_________________________________

That's unauthorized clickbait.

You're coming with us, kid.

_________________________________
-Boop!
-(SCREAMS)
_________________________________
STORMTROOPER 2:
She's getting away.
_________________________________
(ANNOUNCER CHATTERING)
_________________________________
STORMTROOPER 3: This way.

_________________________________
Ooh!
_________________________________
Sorry, mister!
_________________________________

Hey, can't you read?

Cast members only!
_________________________________
(VANELLOPE PANTING, EXCLAIMS)
_________________________________

STORMTROOPER 2: I think she
went down this way. Come on.
_________________________________

STORMTROOPER 3: Roger that.

_________________________________
STORMTROOPER 3: Did you see
a kid coming through here?
_________________________________

She came running through here
like a headless hen.
_________________________________
(STRAINING)

_________________________________

STORMTROOPER 3:
Any sign of her?

_________________________________
STORMTROOPER 2:
No, maybe she went down
_________________________________
to the Air Bud pavilion.
_________________________________

STORMTROOPER 3:
Come on. Let's check it out.
_________________________________
(PRINCESSES CHATTERING)
_________________________________
(PRINCESS HUMMING)
_________________________________
(PRINCESSES GASPING)
_________________________________

Uh, hi!
_________________________________
(PRINCESSES GRUNTING,
SHOUTING)
_________________________________

Whoa, whoa.
Ladies, I can explain.
_________________________________

See, I'm a princess, too.
_________________________________

-Wait, what?

-VANELLOPE: Yeah.
_________________________________
Princess Vanellope
Von Schweetz...
_________________________________
of the, uh, Sugar Rush
Von Schweetzes.
_________________________________

I'm sure you've heard of us.
_________________________________

It'd be embarrassing for you
if you haven't.
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
_________________________________

Huh. What kind of
a princess are you?
_________________________________

What kind?
_________________________________

-Do you have magic hair?

-No.
_________________________________

-Magic hands?

-No.
_________________________________

-Do animals talk to you?

-No.
_________________________________

-Were you poisoned?

-No!
_________________________________

-BOTH: Cursed?

-No!
_________________________________

-BOTH: Kidnapped or enslaved?

-No!
_________________________________
Are you guys okay?

Should I call the police?
_________________________________

Then I have to assume
you made a deal
_________________________________
with an underwater
sea witch...
_________________________________

where she took your voice
_________________________________
in exchange
for a pair of human legs?
_________________________________

No! Good Lord,
who would do that?
_________________________________

(SING-SONG) Have you ever had
True Love's Kiss?
_________________________________

Ew! Barf!
_________________________________

Do you have daddy issues?
_________________________________

I don't even have a mom.
_________________________________

PRINCESSES: Neither do we!
_________________________________

And now for
the million dollar question.
_________________________________

Do people assume
all your problems got solved
_________________________________

because a big strong man
showed up?
_________________________________

Yes! What is up with that?
_________________________________

ALL: She is a princess!
_________________________________
(VOCALIZING)
_________________________________

Who made your gown?
_________________________________
I've never seen
anything quite like it.
_________________________________

Oh, this old thing?
_________________________________

Oh, I'd so love to
have one of my own.
_________________________________

-As would I.

-MOANA: Me too!
_________________________________
-ELSA: So cool.
-Best outfit ever!
_________________________________

Ooh! I want one too,
you guys!
_________________________________

I'll get my mice on this.
_________________________________
(SIGHS)
_________________________________

So this is love.
_________________________________

All hail Princess Vanellope,

the queen of comfy!
_________________________________
-(PRINCESSES CHEERING)
-RAPUNZEL: Yay, Vanellope!
_________________________________

Of all the thingamabobs

in this entire world...
_________________________________

I never thought
I'd get to wear a real...
_________________________________

what's it called again?
_________________________________

Oh, yeah. Shirt.
_________________________________
(SINGING) I once had a dream
that I might wear a shirt...
_________________________________

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait! What's going on?
_________________________________

Uh, she's singing.
_________________________________

Yeah, but there was like music
and the spotlight.
_________________________________

Wait, you all saw it, too,
right?
_________________________________

That's what happens
_________________________________
when a princess
sings about her dreams.
_________________________________

Oh, that's never happened
to me. I mean, not even once.
_________________________________

Why don't you give it a try?
_________________________________

What is it you really want?

Sing about that.
_________________________________

Okay. Uh, sure.
_________________________________
Huh. I could do that.

Um, let's see.
_________________________________
(CLEARS THROAT)
_________________________________
(SINGING) Oh, steering wheel
Oh, steering wheel
_________________________________
Oh, yes
I want a steering wheel
_________________________________
(SCATTING)
_________________________________

Well, there is a lot

to unpack here.
_________________________________
AURORA: Mmm-hmm.
_________________________________

So, this steering wheel
you sing of,
_________________________________
that's a metaphor?
_________________________________

Oh, no, no, no, it's not
a metaphor. I just...
_________________________________
I literally want
a steering wheel.
_________________________________

I think the issue is
I was a little pitchy.
_________________________________

Maybe a little.
_________________________________

But sometimes
your song can't start...
_________________________________

until you go someplace

to reflect.
_________________________________

What works for some of us...
_________________________________

is finding a form of water
and staring at it.
_________________________________

What?
_________________________________

Oh, yes. I like to stare

at a wishing well!
_________________________________

I stare at the ocean.
_________________________________

Horse trough.
_________________________________

Soap bubbles!
_________________________________

Wait, you're saying if I just
stare at some water...
_________________________________

Uh, important water.
_________________________________

Right. Of course.

"Important water."
_________________________________

I stare at
the important water...
_________________________________
and somehow magically I'll
start singing about my dream?
_________________________________

RAPUNZEL: For sure.
TIANA: Mmm-hmm.
_________________________________

Uh, yeah. I don't think so,
ladies, but thanks.
_________________________________
(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
_________________________________

C-3PO: Five minutes,
Princesses.
_________________________________

Another "Which Disney Princess
Are you?" quizlet
_________________________________
starts in five minutes.
_________________________________
-(PRINCESSES GROAN)

-JASMINE: Okay, thank you.
_________________________________

Well, I guess it's back

to the gowns, girls.
_________________________________

It was lovely to meet you,
Vanellope.
_________________________________

And best of luck

finding your song.
_________________________________
(SPEAKING SCOTTISH ENGLISH)
_________________________________

Uh-huh.
_________________________________
(WHISPERING)
What did she just say?
_________________________________

-We don't know.

-We can't understand her.
_________________________________

She's from the other studio.
_________________________________
Ah.
_________________________________

RALPH: Hi, everybody.
Wreck-It Ralph here...
_________________________________

with a little box
I'm gonna open.
_________________________________

Let's see what we got here.
_________________________________

A "Pancake Milkshake Fun Set."
Huh.
_________________________________

Got a little heft to it.
_________________________________
Something's wobbling around
in there.
_________________________________

Wonder if we got
the kitty or the bunny?
_________________________________

Let's open it up.
_________________________________
-(BUZZING)
-(RALPH SCREAMING)
_________________________________
(ANNOUNCER READING)
_________________________________

Man, who would've
guessed a bee pun
_________________________________

would be the thing
to put us over the top?
_________________________________

Huh.
That's the Internet for you.
_________________________________

All right, it is uploading.
_________________________________

Hey, mister!
_________________________________

(GASPS) Oh. Hi, eboy.
_________________________________

Just here to let you know
_________________________________

your bid does expire

in 30 minutes.
_________________________________

(SIGHS) Thanks, little eboy.
_________________________________

You got it, chairman.
_________________________________

You hear that, Yesss?
_________________________________
We don't have
a lot of time left.
_________________________________

-Okay. We just gotta...
-(COMPUTER BUZZES)
_________________________________

No, no, no.
_________________________________
No! Not you!
_________________________________

What? Why are you
angry at the lollipop?
_________________________________

What does that mean?
_________________________________

(GROANS)
The file's not loading.
_________________________________

If this doesn't load,

we're not gonna make it.
_________________________________
-Hmm.

-You don't have enough hearts.
_________________________________

Ralph, where are you going?
_________________________________

I'm going down to the floor

to get some hearts.
_________________________________

Ah! Genius! Good thinking.
_________________________________

Now someone get me
tech support in here, stat!
_________________________________
-(PANTING)
-(RALPH SHOUTING ON VIDEO)
_________________________________

RALPH: Only one person.
_________________________________

Hey, guys, come and
check out my video,
_________________________________

you're gonna love it.
_________________________________

Right, right over here.
Yep, here we go.
_________________________________

What are you...

You guys!
_________________________________

Aw. A cat?
_________________________________

You're gonna like this better

than some dusty old cat.
_________________________________
Aw.
_________________________________

What?
_________________________________

Give me that hose, partner.
_________________________________

You know you love me, give me
those hearts. There we go.
_________________________________

Hey, folks, where are you
going? Give my video a heart.
_________________________________

That's it.

Let's see who's in here.
_________________________________

Hello?
_________________________________
Anybody in here?
_________________________________

What the heck is this place?
_________________________________

Some kinda library?
_________________________________

"Wreck-It Ralph is back."
_________________________________

Hey, they're talking about me.
_________________________________

Gee-whiz,
the Internet is so positive.
_________________________________

"Fix-lt Felix Jr.
was my favorite game."
_________________________________

Hmm. Mine, too.
_________________________________

"Ralph's videos stink."
_________________________________
What?
_________________________________

"So stupid."
_________________________________

"Ralph is the worst."
_________________________________

"I hate him."
_________________________________

"He's so fat and ugly."
_________________________________

"Just a worthless bum,
alone on a pile of bricks."
_________________________________

YESSS: Yo, Ralph,
you in here, dude?
_________________________________

Hey, I got to show you...
_________________________________
Oh.
_________________________________

First rule of the Internet...
_________________________________

do not read the comments.
_________________________________

I should have told you that.
_________________________________

Look.
_________________________________
This place can bring out
the worst in some people...
_________________________________
but you gotta ignore all this.
_________________________________

This isn't about you, Ralph.

It's about them.
_________________________________

I don't care. It's fine.
_________________________________
(SNIFFLES)
_________________________________

People hated me my whole life
for being a bad guy.
_________________________________

It's just a good reminder
_________________________________
that this is the only heart
that really matters.
_________________________________

Vanellope gave me this...
_________________________________

and as long as she likes me...
_________________________________

I don't need anybody else.
_________________________________

And I sure
don't need the Internet.
_________________________________

Hold on. (CHUCKLES)
_________________________________
It's not all bad.
_________________________________

The Internet
can also be a place...
_________________________________
where you find a steering
wheel at one website...
_________________________________

and make enough money

to buy it at another one.
_________________________________

Congratulations, Ralph.
You did it.
_________________________________

Wait, really?
_________________________________

Yes, check your
Buzzzy account.
_________________________________

You needed 27K,
you got over 30 grand!
_________________________________

Oh, my gosh!
_________________________________
This is great!
_________________________________

Thank you, Yesss. I couldn't
have done it without you!
_________________________________

That's really true.
_________________________________

Hey, eboy?
_________________________________

What do you need, ace?
_________________________________

Can you give me a ride?
_________________________________

Let's hop along, Cassidy.
_________________________________

Come on, song, come on.
_________________________________

I'm reflecting.
_________________________________

What is it that I want?
_________________________________

What is my quest?
_________________________________

(IN SING-SONG VOICE)
What is my dream?
_________________________________
(GROANS)
_________________________________

Well, ladies, I tried.
_________________________________
No song for this princess,
I guess.
_________________________________
-(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
-Ooh! Huh.
_________________________________

How does this thing work?
_________________________________

-(GASPS)
-Hey, kid, can you see me?

_________________________________
Yeah!
Yeah, you're right there.
_________________________________

We did it! We got the money!

_________________________________
No way, Ralph! That's great!
_________________________________

I'm on my way to ebay
right now with the eboy.
_________________________________

We're almost there, champ.
_________________________________

Good work, eboy.
_________________________________

Hey, meet me out in front of

ebay in five minutes, okay?
_________________________________

Okay, I'll see you soon.

_________________________________
We're going home, kid!
_________________________________

Our lives could finally

get back to normal.
_________________________________
Whoo-hoo!
_________________________________

Wow, I can't believe it.
I get to go home.
_________________________________

So, I guess that's it.
_________________________________
I guess I just wanted a...
a steering wheel.
_________________________________

And now, I got it, so...
_________________________________
whoo-hoo. (SIGHS)
_________________________________
(GASPS)
_________________________________
Slaughter Race?
_________________________________
(HELICOPTER HOVERING)
_________________________________
(SINGING) What can it be that
calls me to this place today?
_________________________________
This lawless car ballet?
_________________________________
What can it be?
_________________________________
Am I a baby pigeon
sprouting wings to soar?
_________________________________
Was that a metaphor?
_________________________________
Hey, there's a dollar store
_________________________________
Look!
I'm rhyming
_________________________________
My spirit's climbing
_________________________________
As I'm called through
this fog of mace
_________________________________
To this place called
_________________________________
Slaughter Race
_________________________________
(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________
Welcome back
Watch your head
_________________________________
Hate to see you end up dead
_________________________________
Let's get this party rollin'
_________________________________
Is that appliance stolen?
_________________________________
-We have
-Fallen wires
_________________________________
-Dumpster fires
-Creepy clowns
_________________________________
And burning tires
_________________________________
That great white in the sewer
_________________________________
You'll be happy
that you knew her
_________________________________
Fin bump!
_________________________________
Dogs and cats
They sure taste great
_________________________________
With a side of license plate
_________________________________
Some find us deplorable
_________________________________
Well, I think you're adorable
_________________________________
We may be a motley crew
But our hearts ring true
_________________________________
And just for you
A face tattoo
_________________________________
(INSTRUMENTAL JAZZ
MUSIC PLAYING)
_________________________________
CHORUS: Slaughter Race
_________________________________
My heart's in flight
And wow, it's a blast
_________________________________
Feels like my dreams
are real at last
_________________________________
No trace of a frown
upon your face
_________________________________
VANELLOPE: Flying so fast
SHANK: Setting the pace
_________________________________
-Living the life
-Loving the chase
_________________________________
-Now is the time
-Here is the place
_________________________________
This Slaughter Race!
_________________________________
I know I should go
_________________________________
But home feels so slow
_________________________________
These roads are paved
with dreams
_________________________________
(ECHOING) Happy dreams
Not creepy clown dreams
_________________________________
What would Ralph say
_________________________________
If it turns out I stay?
_________________________________
In this place called
_________________________________
Slaughter
_________________________________
Race
_________________________________
In this place called
_________________________________
Slaughter
_________________________________
Race

_________________________________
ANNOUNCER ON PA:
That old, tired laptop
_________________________________
moving at a sloth speed?
Bid on a new one today!
_________________________________

SPAMLEY: Do you wanna get rich

playing video games?
_________________________________

Click here to...
_________________________________

Oh. Ralph. Ralph! Hey, there.
_________________________________

Oh, hey, Spamley.
_________________________________

What's the good word, brother?
_________________________________

Well, the good word is I just

paid for the steering wheel...
_________________________________

and we are going home.
_________________________________

Congratulations.
_________________________________

Thanks.
_________________________________

Hey, have you seen
Vanellope anywhere?
_________________________________

Oh, uh, your little chum?
Uh, no, no, I haven't.
_________________________________

Hope she's not lost.
_________________________________

Let me try to reach her
on this doohickey.
_________________________________
(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)
_________________________________
(INAUDIBLE)
_________________________________

See over there?
Over that mountain?
_________________________________

-VANELLOPE: Yeah.

-That's the Sequoia Speedway.
_________________________________

It's gonna be unlocked
next month.

_________________________________
Hey, what are you doing
in that awful game with her?
_________________________________
I think the track will end...
_________________________________

right over there.

Yo, it's gonna be so tight.
_________________________________

-VANELLOPE: Oh, I love it.
-(INAUDIBLE)
_________________________________

Hey, can I tell you something
_________________________________
that I don't think
I could ever tell Ralph?
_________________________________

SHANK: Of course.
_________________________________

VANELLOPE:
I know it sounds crazy...
_________________________________
but the second I walked
into this game, it felt...
_________________________________
Well, it felt like home.
_________________________________

I mean, more than
Sugar Rush ever did.
_________________________________

Oh, yeah? How so?
_________________________________

'Cause it's like my dream.
_________________________________

It's full of weirdos...
_________________________________
and the racing
is super dangerous...
_________________________________
and you never know
what's gonna happen next.
_________________________________

I mean, back home,
_________________________________
I know exactly

what's gonna happen next...
_________________________________

because Ralph's dream is to

do the same thing every day.
_________________________________
Hmm.
_________________________________

Here's something
I wish I'd learned years ago.
_________________________________

There is no law
_________________________________
saying best friends

have to have the same dreams.
_________________________________

You know?
_________________________________
Whoa.
_________________________________

Yeah.
_________________________________
You are a very wise person,

Shank.
_________________________________
And a good friend, too.
_________________________________

Thank you.
_________________________________

Around here, peeps like to
say, "Shank you."
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

You know, after you go home
_________________________________
and your life
gets back to normal...
_________________________________

you are always welcome here.
_________________________________

But that's the thing,

I want this to be my normal.
_________________________________

I want this to be my life.
_________________________________

I can't go home now.
_________________________________

I just can't.
_________________________________
(BEEPS)
_________________________________
Wow.
_________________________________

You know, where I come from,
_________________________________

that's called
a kick in the face.
_________________________________

I can't believe it.
_________________________________

A straight-up donkey kick
to the teeth.
_________________________________

She's supposed to be
my best friend.
_________________________________

No, this can't be right.
_________________________________

No, she's been brainwashed.
_________________________________

That's what this is.
_________________________________
Because the Vanellope I know
_________________________________

would never abandon me
like that.
_________________________________

I gotta get her out

of there now.
_________________________________

Hey, easy now, tiger.
_________________________________

I admire the impulse...
_________________________________

but you charge in there
like some white knight...
_________________________________

she's liable to hold it
against you.
_________________________________

So what? I'm supposed to
just let her stay in a game
_________________________________
that's obviously bad for her?
_________________________________

Of course not.
_________________________________

Then how do I make her leave?
_________________________________

She thinks it's so cool

and exciting in there.
_________________________________

Unless you know how I can
make the game boring or...
_________________________________

Wait. You know about viruses
and stuff, right, Spamley?
_________________________________

-Who's asking?
-Whoa.
_________________________________

Back home, me and the kid
_________________________________
used to goof off

in this game called Tron.

_________________________________
But then it got a virus that

made the motorbikes go slow...
_________________________________

and then Vanellope stopped

wanting to hang out in there.
_________________________________

So, is there a way
_________________________________
to do something

like that to Slaughter Race?

_________________________________
Oh, there's ways.
_________________________________

Follow me.
_________________________________
I got mothers' maiden names...
_________________________________
social security numbers,
PIN numbers...
_________________________________

SPAMLEY:
Now, this area down here
_________________________________
is what's called the Darknet.
_________________________________

A lot of shady characters

hang out down here...
_________________________________

so try to keep a low profile.

Gord!
_________________________________

-(YELPS)
-Oh, there you are.
_________________________________
Now Gord here,
he's dabbled in virus-making.
_________________________________

But his cousin,
this guy we're gonna go see...
_________________________________
Double Dan, this dude
is a virus-making machine.
_________________________________

Oh, oh, here we are.
_________________________________

Are you sure this is safe?
_________________________________

(CHUCKLES) Is it safe?
Of course it is.
_________________________________

Just whatever you do, do not
look at his little brother.
_________________________________

Oh, he has a little brother?
_________________________________

Double Dan!
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
_________________________________
Long time no see.
_________________________________

Who are you?
_________________________________

(STAMMERS) JP Spamley.
_________________________________
Uh, we met one time
over at Friendster....
_________________________________
which tells you
it had to be a long time ago.
_________________________________

-Oye. What are you looking at?

-Nothing.
_________________________________

Are you looking at my brother?
_________________________________

-No, sir.

-Don't you look
_________________________________
at my little brother.
_________________________________

Oh, no, I wasn't.

-He's very self-conscious!
_________________________________
(GROANS)
_________________________________
-(GROWLS)
-(GASPS)
_________________________________

You?
_________________________________
What are you doing here?
_________________________________
Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
_________________________________

The reason I came to

your neck of the face...
_________________________________

I mean, there's a face
in your neck. I mean, woods.
_________________________________
Neck of the woods. The reason
I'm here is 'cause I...
_________________________________
Well, I heard a little tumor,

rumor...
_________________________________
I heard a rumor
that you could, well,
_________________________________
give me a harmless virus
kind of thing...
_________________________________

that might be able to
_________________________________
slow down
the Slaughter Race game?
_________________________________

Oh, yeah.
_________________________________

My cousin Gordon told me

that you wanted to crash it.
_________________________________

Crash it? No!
_________________________________
No, no, no.
_________________________________

(STAMMERS) I don't want
anyone getting hurt.
_________________________________
DOUBLE DAN: Hmm.
_________________________________

If there's a way to just,

uh...
_________________________________
I don't know...
_________________________________
just make the cars
go slow or something...
_________________________________

so the game is boring...
_________________________________

and my friend
comes back home to me.
_________________________________

Allow me to
introduce you to Arthur.
_________________________________
-(GROWLING)
-(BOTH YELPING)
_________________________________

Easy there, boy. (LAUGHS)
_________________________________

He's keen.
_________________________________

Arthur's what I call

an insecurity virus.
_________________________________

Means he looks for
little flaws and weaknesses
_________________________________

that make a program insecure.
_________________________________

You release him
into that Slaughter Race game,
_________________________________

Arthur will find some defect
in the code.
_________________________________

Then he'll copy that defect
_________________________________
and spread it
all over the game...
_________________________________

until everything becomes,
quote, unquote, "boring"...
_________________________________
just like you wanted.
_________________________________

Okay.
_________________________________
Just to be super clear here...
_________________________________

no one gets hurt, right?
_________________________________

Are you stupid?
_________________________________
Well, uh...
_________________________________

Because the only way
anyone gets hurt...
_________________________________
is if you are stupid.
_________________________________

All you have to do...
_________________________________
is make sure the virus stays
in Slaughter Race.

_________________________________
Right. Don't be stupid.
_________________________________

Make sure it doesn't get out

of Slaughter Race.
_________________________________
Goiter it. Gah!
_________________________________

-Got it! Got it.
-Get out!
_________________________________
Thank you, you're a cyst face.
_________________________________

-Out!
-I mean, assistance.
_________________________________
Thank you for your
cyst face... Assistance.
_________________________________

-Get out!
-RALPH: Goodbye!
_________________________________
Ugh.
_________________________________
(PYRO PANTING)
_________________________________

Ah! Fiddlesticks!
Well, that's game.
_________________________________

Ah, beginner's luck.
_________________________________

Come on, kid.
I know a hustle
_________________________________
-when I see one.
-(CHUCKLES)
_________________________________
(HORN BLARES)
_________________________________

-Players on the way.

-Thanks, Bob.
_________________________________
-Let's roll!
-PYRO: Game faces on, guys.
_________________________________

Show time.
You ready for your first race?
_________________________________

Um, yeah. I think so.
_________________________________

Hey, don't get nervous.

You're gonna be great.
_________________________________

Yeah, no, I know.
I'll be fine.
_________________________________

Mmm. You didn't tell
Ralph yet, didn't you?
_________________________________

Not exactly.
_________________________________

Come on, V.
He's your best friend.
_________________________________

You gotta let him know
_________________________________

you're planning on
staying here for a while.
_________________________________

I know. But he's gonna
get really upset.
_________________________________

Yeah, he might,
but you guys...
_________________________________

you'll talk, you'll work it
out, you'll figure it out.
_________________________________

Yeah, but what if we don't?
_________________________________

What if his feelings
get hurt so bad...
_________________________________

he won't wanna be
my friend anymore?
_________________________________

Look.
All friendships change...
_________________________________

but the good ones...
_________________________________
they get stronger
because of it.
_________________________________
(HORN BLARES)
_________________________________

Uh, Shank,
I hate to bother you...
_________________________________

but the player is waiting.
_________________________________

I'm not gonna tell you
what to do, kid.
_________________________________

It's your call.
_________________________________

Yeah, okay.
_________________________________

(SIGHS) All right.
_________________________________

Let's race.
_________________________________
(SIGHS)
_________________________________
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
_________________________________

ARTHUR:
Scanning for insecurities.

_________________________________
Scanning for insecurities.
_________________________________

ANNOUNCER: "Precious Car-go."
_________________________________

Deliver the car
to Bert's Chop Shop...

_________________________________
but watch out
for Shank and her crew.

_________________________________
(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________
(PLAYER SCREAMS)
_________________________________
(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________
Power drift into a drift jump!
_________________________________

I saw it! You're amazing!
_________________________________

Thank you.
_________________________________

ARTHUR:
Scanning for insecurities.

_________________________________
Looks like we're not finished.

Come on, V.
_________________________________

Ralph?
_________________________________
(BRAKES SCREECHING)
_________________________________
Huh.
_________________________________

Okay. Relax. Relax!
_________________________________
I'll just call him
after the race.
_________________________________
It'll be okay.
_________________________________

ARTHUR: Insecurity detected.
_________________________________

Copying insecurity.

_________________________________
Distributing insecurity.
_________________________________

Distributing insecurity.

_________________________________
Distributing insecurity.

Distributing...
_________________________________

(GASPING) What is happening?
_________________________________

RALPH:
What's going on, Spamley?
_________________________________

The whole place
is going crazy.
_________________________________
I thought that virus was just
supposed to slow down her car.
_________________________________

It was.
_________________________________

It must've found something

real unstable in there.
_________________________________

It's her glitch.
_________________________________

ANNOUNCER: Game reboot begins
_________________________________

in 60 seconds.
_________________________________

Whoa, hey! Hey, Ralph,
you can't go in there.
_________________________________

They're gonna
reboot the game...
_________________________________

and anything that doesn't
belong in there
_________________________________
will be deleted.
_________________________________

Yeah, and if I don't get her
outta there,
_________________________________
Vanellope's gonna die!
_________________________________

Come on, kid.
The game's crashing. Let's go.
_________________________________

I think it's my glitch.
_________________________________

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to
destroy your game.
_________________________________

We'll be fine, but your code

isn't part of this game.
_________________________________
We got to get you out of here
now. Follow me to the exit.
_________________________________
(GASPS)
_________________________________
Oh, no, no!
_________________________________
(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________

RALPH: Kid!
_________________________________
Kid, where are you?
_________________________________

SHANK: The server
is rebooting, Ralph.
_________________________________

Both of you have to

get out of here now.
_________________________________

Kid, I got you. I got you.
_________________________________

-(ALARM BLARING)
-ANNOUNCER: Game reboot...
_________________________________
in five, four, three...
_________________________________
-two, one.
-(BANGING)
_________________________________
(RALPH GRUNTS, PANTING)
_________________________________

ANNOUNCER: Reboot in progress.

_________________________________
Come on, Vanellope. Wake up.
_________________________________
Come on. Don't leave me, kid.
_________________________________
(RASPY BREATHING)
_________________________________

Ralph?
_________________________________

Oh. There you are.
You okay, kid?
_________________________________

Ralph, I messed up so bad.
_________________________________

No. No, you didn't, it's okay.
_________________________________

This is all because of me
and my glitch.
_________________________________

I should've
just stayed with you...
_________________________________
instead of following
some stupid dream.
_________________________________
(SOBBING)
_________________________________

I've ruined everything.
_________________________________

No, kid, no.
_________________________________

Ah, look. I didn't mean
for it to happen like this.
_________________________________

It was not supposed
to be this bad.
_________________________________
(SNIFFLES)
_________________________________

You didn't mean
for what to happen?
_________________________________

I mighta,
kinda sorta of put a...
_________________________________

harmless little virus
in the game.
_________________________________

A virus?
_________________________________

You did this?
_________________________________

I wouldn't have done anything
_________________________________
if I hadn't heard you
tell Shank...
_________________________________
that you wanted to live in
Slaughter Race forever.
_________________________________
(GASPS)
_________________________________

So you were spying on me?
_________________________________

Hey. You're not exactly
innocent here.
_________________________________

You were gonna ditch everybody

and abandon Sugar Rush.

_________________________________
Oh, please. I'm one of 16
racers. They'd never missed me.
_________________________________

What about me?
_________________________________

Why would I ever spend

another second with you...
_________________________________

after what you did?
_________________________________
(RALPH GASPS)
_________________________________

No!
_________________________________
No.
_________________________________

Vanellope,
where are you going?
_________________________________

Wherever you're not.
_________________________________

Wait a minute. I can explain.
_________________________________

No!
You will not follow me.
_________________________________

Vanellope, please...
_________________________________

A friend would never do
what you did. Never!
_________________________________
So you leave me alone!
_________________________________

Vanellope, no, no, no! Please!
_________________________________
Please! What did I do?
_________________________________

ARTHUR:
Scanning for insecurities.

_________________________________
Vanellope, come on,
don't leave me!

_________________________________
ARTHUR: Insecurity detected.

_________________________________
-(BEEPING)
-Copying insecurity.

_________________________________
Oh, no, no, no.
_________________________________

ARTHUR:
Distributing insecurity.

_________________________________
(PANTING)
_________________________________
Come on.
_________________________________
(GRUNTING)
_________________________________
Where is it?
_________________________________
(GRUNTS, PANTING)
_________________________________
Ooh!
_________________________________
(PANTING)
_________________________________
Oh, no.
_________________________________
(GROANS)
_________________________________
(SIGHS)
_________________________________
(PANTING)
_________________________________

You are such an idiot.
_________________________________
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
_________________________________
-(GROWLING)
-(GASPS)
_________________________________
(SNIFFLING)
_________________________________
(SHRIEKS)
_________________________________
(GROWLING)
_________________________________

What is your problem, Ralph?

I told you, don't follow me.
_________________________________

Friend?
_________________________________

Cut that out.
You're scaring me.
_________________________________

-Friend!
-Huh? Whoa!
_________________________________

-What the...?
-Friend?
_________________________________
-(GRUNTING)
-(YELPS)
_________________________________

RALPH CLONES: Friend!
_________________________________
(RALPH CLONES SHOUTING)
_________________________________

Sweet mother of Ralph!
_________________________________

NEWS ANCHOR: In breaking news,
_________________________________
the Internet

is under assault...
_________________________________
as a massive

denial-of-service attack...
_________________________________
crashes servers
across the web.

_________________________________
(RALPH CLONES GRUNTING)
_________________________________
The Wreck-It Ralph virus
_________________________________
is fast-moving
and destructive.

_________________________________
Friend? Huh? (GROWLS)
_________________________________
(GASPS)
_________________________________
(RALPH CLONES GRUNTING)
_________________________________

Friend?
_________________________________
(RALPH CLONES GRUNTING)
_________________________________
Huh?
_________________________________

Experts are still trying to
understand who or what

_________________________________
the virus's intended
target may be.

_________________________________
Friend.
_________________________________

RALPH CLONES: Friend.
_________________________________
(SHOUTING)
_________________________________

Friend!
_________________________________
RALPH CLONES: Friend!
_________________________________
(SHUDDERING)
_________________________________

I found 130 results for
_________________________________
"Where does my high school
girlfriend live now?"
_________________________________

You're welcome.
_________________________________

-VANELLOPE: Mr. KnowsMore!
-Hmm.
_________________________________

Oh, delightful!
_________________________________
You're that courteous
little cherub
_________________________________
who says "please"

and "thank you."
_________________________________

What can KnowsMore

help you find today?
_________________________________

There's a whole...
_________________________________

Whole Foods,
a hole in the ozone...
_________________________________

A Whole Lotta Love by
British rockers Led Zeppelin?
_________________________________

No! No! There's a whole bunch

of Ralphs chasing me.
_________________________________
RALPH CLONES: Friend...
_________________________________

This would probably be
an appropriate time
_________________________________
for me to shutter my site.
_________________________________
(STRAINING)
_________________________________
(EXCLAIMING)
_________________________________
(RALPH CLONES GRUNTING)
_________________________________

-(PANTING)
-How long you think
_________________________________

before they get in here?
_________________________________

-(BANGING ON SHUTTER)
-(GASPS) Precisely one second.
_________________________________
(GASPING)
_________________________________
-Ooh! Ow! Ow! Ow!
-(VANELLOPE GRUNTING)
_________________________________
Hey, hey, hey!
_________________________________

It's me!
It's the real me!
_________________________________
Ow! (EXCLAIMING)
_________________________________

-Ralph?

-My apologies.
_________________________________

I followed those things here.
_________________________________

I think they're looking
for you, kid.
_________________________________

Yeah, you think?

What did you do?
_________________________________

I'm so sorry.
I don't know how this happened.
_________________________________

Well, I think
it's fairly obvious.
_________________________________

It happened because
an insecurity virus cloned...
_________________________________
all of your needy, clingy,
self-destructive behavior.
_________________________________

The very behavior
which left unchecked
_________________________________
can destroy friendships...
_________________________________
and in this particular case,

the entire Internet! (GASPS)
_________________________________
(VANELLOPE AND
KNOWSMORE EXCLAIM)
_________________________________

KnowsMore!
You have all the answers.
_________________________________

Official query...
_________________________________

what do I do if clones of me
_________________________________
are trying to capture
my friend? Search.
_________________________________
(SHUDDERING)
_________________________________

I found two results
for your query.
_________________________________

Either you put all of your clones
in therapy.
_________________________________

Not very realistic.
_________________________________

Or, the anti-virus district
is surrounded
_________________________________

by a gate made from
security software.
_________________________________

If Vanellope could somehow
_________________________________
lead all of the clones
through the gate...
_________________________________

they would be deleted

all at once.
_________________________________

Sort of a co-dependent

pied piper situation.
_________________________________

Wait. We know a pied piper.
_________________________________

-We do?

-Yesss.
_________________________________

-Who?

-Yesss!
_________________________________

Yeah, but who is it?
_________________________________

Oh, you mean Yesss!
_________________________________

Thanks for your help,
KnowsMore.
_________________________________

It's a bit of an empty gesture

at this point,
_________________________________
wouldn't you say?
_________________________________

(SIGHS)
Guess I forgot to tell Ralph
_________________________________

that when you
break the Internet...
_________________________________

you don't literally
have to break the Internet.
_________________________________

I can't believe he did this.
_________________________________

Yeah, well, I mean,
dude obviously made
_________________________________

some real questionable
choices here.
_________________________________

But he also made a bee pun to

save his best friend's game...
_________________________________

so what can I say, kid,

life's complicated.
_________________________________

You ready to pied the piper?
_________________________________
(RALPH CLONE GRUNTING)
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: Yoo-hoo! Up here!
_________________________________

It's me, your bestest friend
in the whole wide world...
_________________________________
who you can't live without!
_________________________________
RALPH CLONES: Friend!
_________________________________

Wow, from up here I can see

how I do come across as...
_________________________________
needy, and clingy,
_________________________________

and self-destructive

like KnowsMore said.
_________________________________

Listen, kid...
_________________________________
I don't blame you
_________________________________
for not wanting
to be my friend anymore.
_________________________________

I never said I didn't want to
be your friend.
_________________________________

I said you were acting like
a bad friend. Which you were.
_________________________________

I know I was, but I...
_________________________________

YESSS: Hey, my babies!
_________________________________
There's the anti-virus district
straight ahead. Whoo!
_________________________________

All right, to be continued,
okay?
_________________________________
(RALPH CLONES GRUNTING)
_________________________________

Whoo-hoo! We're gonna make it!

_________________________________

(RALPH CLONES GRUNTING)
_________________________________
(ALL SCREAMING)

_________________________________

RALPH: You guys okay?
_________________________________

-I'm fine!
-(YESSS SIGHS)
_________________________________

Yeah, all good.
Look, we can still do this.
_________________________________

Come on, big man.
Help me turn this thing over.
_________________________________
(YESSS GRUNTING)
_________________________________
Uh... (GASPS)
_________________________________

Uh, guys?
_________________________________
-(RALPH GRUNTS)
-(GASPS)
_________________________________
(GASPS)
_________________________________
(RALPH CLONES GRUNTING)
_________________________________
RALPHZILLA: Friend?
_________________________________

That is unsettling.
_________________________________
(RALPHZILLA GRUNTING)
_________________________________
-Friend.
-(GASPS)
_________________________________

Get Vanellope out of here now.
_________________________________

What about you, Ralph?
_________________________________
Just go. I got a date
with the man in the mirror.
_________________________________
Hey, you!
_________________________________
(GRUNTING)
_________________________________

You keep away from her!
_________________________________

I'm gonna wreck it!
_________________________________
-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
-(RALPHZILLA GROANING)
_________________________________

-She's not your friend!
-(RALPHZILLA GROANING)
_________________________________
She's my friend!
_________________________________

Here it is, this way.
_________________________________

Come on, kid. We gotta move.
_________________________________
(RALPH GRUNTING)
_________________________________
(RALPHZILLA GROWLING)
_________________________________
Eeeee-oh-boy!
_________________________________
(ALL SCREAMING)
_________________________________
(GASPING)
_________________________________
(GRUNTING)
_________________________________
(RALPHZILLA GROANING)
_________________________________
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
_________________________________

(GASPS) No!
_________________________________
Whoa! (YELPS)
_________________________________

-Vanellope!
-(SCREAMING)
_________________________________
(VANELLOPE GRUNTS, EXCLAIMS)
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: Hey! Let go of me!
_________________________________
(RALPH GRUNTING)
_________________________________
-Kid!

-Ralph!
_________________________________
(GRUNTING)
_________________________________
Hey!
_________________________________

Hey, get back here!
_________________________________
RALPHZILLA: Huh?
_________________________________

You put her down!
_________________________________
Whoa!
_________________________________
(EXCLAIMS, GRUNTING)
_________________________________
(HORN BLARING)
_________________________________
(GRUNTING, YELLS)
_________________________________
(GRUNTING)
_________________________________

Vanellope!
_________________________________
(PANTING)
_________________________________

You know, you're acting

like a real bad guy here!
_________________________________

RALPHZILLA: No!
_________________________________

Well, you are!
_________________________________

And I will never
be your friend!
_________________________________
-(ROARING)
-(SHRIEKING)
_________________________________
RALPH: Hey, doofus!
_________________________________

Ralph!
_________________________________

Catch me if you can,
you big dummy!
_________________________________
(RALPH GRUNTS)
_________________________________

I got you, little sister.
_________________________________
(VANELLOPE EXCLAIMS)
_________________________________

(GRUNTS) Now go!
Get out of here!
_________________________________

-Ralph!

-Go!
_________________________________

No! (STUTTERS) Don't hurt him!
_________________________________
Please, no!
_________________________________
(GROANING)
_________________________________

Stop it! You're squishing him!
_________________________________
(GROANING)
_________________________________

You're gonna
kill my best friend!
_________________________________
(GROANING)
_________________________________
(RALPH WHIMPERING)
_________________________________

Fine! You win! You win, okay?
_________________________________
(GASPING)
_________________________________

Just please put him down.
_________________________________

I'll be your only friend,
okay?
_________________________________

Just let him go.
_________________________________

No! No, kid.
_________________________________
RALPHZILLA: Huh?
_________________________________

VANELLOPE:
That's it. That's it. Yeah.
_________________________________

Put him down
and I'll go with you...
_________________________________

and we'll be
best friends forever.
_________________________________
(EXCLAIMS)
_________________________________

Just me and you.
_________________________________

That's what you want, right?
_________________________________
(RALPHZILLA EXCLAIMING)
_________________________________

RALPH: Well,
that's not what I want!
_________________________________

It's not right to hold a
friend back from her dreams!
_________________________________
You don't own her!
_________________________________

That's not how
friendship works!
_________________________________

You need to let her go!
_________________________________
(RALPHZILLA SIGHING)
_________________________________
Hey.
_________________________________

You need to let her go.
_________________________________
(RALPHZILLA EXCLAIMING SADLY)
_________________________________

I know. It's gonna hurt
a little bit when you do.
_________________________________

Oh, who am I kidding?

It's gonna hurt a lot.
_________________________________

But you're gonna be okay.
_________________________________

And we're gonna be okay.
_________________________________

Right, kid?
_________________________________

Of course we are. Always.
_________________________________

See? No matter
where she goes...

_________________________________
or where she lives...
_________________________________

she's always gonna
be our friend.
_________________________________

And we just gotta trust her.
_________________________________

Because that's what
best friends do.
_________________________________

Right?
_________________________________
(RALPHZILLA SIGHS)
_________________________________

Thanks, buddy.
_________________________________
Wow! (CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

I feel good about this.
_________________________________
RALPHZILLA: Mmm.
_________________________________
RALPH CLONES: Mmm.
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: Ralph, look!
_________________________________
I think you fixed
your insecurity!
_________________________________

(LAUGHS) You're right.
_________________________________
Whoo-hoo! (SCREAMING)
_________________________________

Ralph, no!
_________________________________
-(EXCLAIMING)
-(HORN BLARING)
_________________________________
Whoa!
_________________________________

Park it right here, Ralph!
_________________________________

Your ol' pal
JP Spamley's gotcha!
_________________________________
(GASPS, LAUGHS) Whoo!
_________________________________

Wow, that didn't work.
_________________________________
(GROANS)
_________________________________

RAPUNZEL:
(GASPS) Look up there!
_________________________________

It's a big strong man
in need of rescuing.
_________________________________
(GRUNTS)
_________________________________
Hah!
_________________________________
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
_________________________________
(MICE CHATTERING)
_________________________________
(GIGGLING)
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
-(GRUNTS)
-(GASPS)
_________________________________
(GRUNTS)
_________________________________
(BOTH GASP)
_________________________________
(VOCALIZING)
_________________________________
(WIND WHOOSING)
_________________________________
(GROANS)
_________________________________
-(KISSING SOUND)
-RALPH: Mmm.
_________________________________

(GASPS) Oh, thanks, Frogger.
_________________________________

Wait a minute.
_________________________________
Who are all of you?
_________________________________

We're friends of Vanellope's.
_________________________________

Yeah, and any friend
of Vanellope's
_________________________________
is a friend of ours.
_________________________________

You're welcome.
_________________________________

VANELLOPE: Ralph!
_________________________________

Looking good, big fella!
(LAUGHS)
_________________________________

-Heyo!
-(FABRIC RIPS)
_________________________________
(PRINCESSES EXCLAIM)
_________________________________

This dress is not made
for a big boy.
_________________________________

It's going right up
the back alley there.
_________________________________

Let me just make
a little adjustment.
_________________________________
-(TEARS FABRIC)

-There we go. (CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

NEWS ANCHOR:
Internet users are breathing
_________________________________
a collective sigh
of relief tonight.

_________________________________
Just as mysteriously
as it appeared,

_________________________________
the Wreck-lt Ralph virus
has vanished.

_________________________________
RALPH: You know what
I just realized?
_________________________________

The sun never rises
or sets here...
_________________________________

because everything's
always on.
_________________________________

Well, now, isn't that
an astute observation?
_________________________________

I know, right?
_________________________________

You know,
other than KnowsMore,
_________________________________
I'm probably the smartest guy
on the Internet.
_________________________________

(LAUGHS) Yeah. Yeah.
_________________________________

Yo, V. We're about to come
back online. You ready?
_________________________________

Be right there!
_________________________________

Hey, Ralph,

don't be a stranger!
_________________________________

Well, I can't be much stranger
than you, Shank.
_________________________________

Oh. That's a good dad joke.
_________________________________

Hey, don't forget.
_________________________________
You know Shank added my code

and everything,
_________________________________
so I'll be able to regenerate.
_________________________________
I'm gonna be totally safe.
_________________________________

No, I know.
It's gonna be great.
_________________________________

You found your dream game.
_________________________________

Yeah, I did.
_________________________________

I did.
_________________________________

So, uh...
_________________________________

I guess I should probably
head in there now, you know?
_________________________________

Oh, before you go,
I wanted to give you this.
_________________________________

Oh, I'm so sorry
I broke it, Ralph.
_________________________________

No, no. It's okay.
_________________________________

Now we can both
have a half. See?
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

Yeah!
_________________________________

I love you so much.
_________________________________

I'm really gonna miss you.
_________________________________

I'm gonna miss you too, kid.
_________________________________

I really am.
_________________________________

All right.
_________________________________

Okay, getting a little clingy
on me, here.
_________________________________

Go on. Get out of here.
_________________________________
The world's
waiting for you, kid.
_________________________________

RALPH: (SIGHS) I'll be honest,

_________________________________
it still feels kind of weird
around here.
_________________________________

I mean, a lot has changed.
_________________________________

Even though we got
that steering wheel
_________________________________
and saved Sugar Rush...
_________________________________

it's never really gonna
be the same.

_________________________________

For one thing,
the racers aren't even
_________________________________
that obnoxious anymore.
_________________________________

Oh, golly. I'm sorry
you didn't win, Taffyta.
_________________________________

Pfft! Our friendship
is much more important to me
_________________________________
than winning, Rancis.
_________________________________

Losing builds character!
_________________________________

Everyone's a winner, Taffyta.
_________________________________

RALPH: Felix and Calhoun,
as goofy as they are,

_________________________________
they turn out to be
pretty great parents.

_________________________________
I gotta hand it to you two,
_________________________________

how on earth
did you tame those things?
_________________________________

It's simple, Surge.
_________________________________

The key to parenting is...
_________________________________
-(CARS WHOOSHING)
-(FELIX TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
_________________________________

And then what you do is...
_________________________________
(CARS WHOOSHING)
_________________________________
(CALHOUN TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
_________________________________

And that is the secret
to raising perfect children.
_________________________________

Wow, I wish every parent
could hear that.
_________________________________

RALPH: I'm keeping busy, too.
_________________________________

I finally joined
Zangief's book club.
_________________________________

Good point, Bison.

And how about you, Ralph?
_________________________________

Do you feel Dostoyevsky
_________________________________
intended to make
narrator unreliable?
_________________________________
Um... (EXHALES)
_________________________________

(STAMMERS) I do and I don't.
_________________________________

You do, and you don't.
_________________________________

Duality.
That's really deep, Ralph.
_________________________________

Thanks, Sonic.
_________________________________

(WHISPERING) I don't know
what I'm talking about.
_________________________________

Oh. And we got this new thing

we do every Friday night...
_________________________________

where we all go and hang out
in a different game.
_________________________________

I actually hosted this week.
_________________________________

Heyo!
_________________________________
Hope you're all hungry.

I made burnt pie.
_________________________________

What's burnt pie, Wreck-It?
_________________________________

Oh, it's just a pie
that you burn.
_________________________________

You can use any pie.
_________________________________

You just leave it in the oven
too long.
_________________________________
(COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT)
_________________________________

Yeah, we really do
have a lot of fun.
_________________________________

I guess that's pretty much
all the news I got for you.
_________________________________

Oh, man, your stories

never disappoint, Ralph.
_________________________________

I just wish
we can hang out sooner.
_________________________________

Yeah. Me, too.
_________________________________

When did you say you were
getting those days off?
_________________________________

Uh, our update
starts on January 25th,

_________________________________
so, like, two months from now.
_________________________________

Oh, that'll go by in a flash.

Oh, speaking of which...
_________________________________
you want me to bring you
anything from home
_________________________________
when I come visit?
_________________________________

Oh! You know what
I cannot find

_________________________________
anywhere on the Internet?
_________________________________

A halfway decent
BurgerTime burger.

_________________________________
I've been talking them up
to Shank and the crew.
_________________________________
And honestly, I think
they're starting to think
_________________________________

I'm making it up.
_________________________________

All right, consider it done.
_________________________________

I'll bring you guys
a truckload.
_________________________________

Well, sun's coming up already.
_________________________________

Guess I better get to it.
_________________________________

Yeah, me too.

_________________________________
Talk next week?
_________________________________

I shall await your call,
madam.
_________________________________

Then, adieu, adieu,
farting is such sweet sorrow.
_________________________________

-(CHUCKLES)
-So long, stinkbrain.

_________________________________
Bye, kid.
_________________________________
(BEEPS)
_________________________________
(SIGHS)
_________________________________

Hey.
You doing okay there, Ralph?
_________________________________

Yeah, I am, actually.
I'm doing great.
_________________________________

Come on, Felix.

Let's get to work, buddy.
_________________________________
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
_________________________________

Hey, Mo, did you like
the movie, sweetie?
_________________________________

Well, there was a scene

in the trailer...
_________________________________
that wasn't in the movie...
_________________________________

and that makes me sad.
_________________________________

Aw, that's too bad.
_________________________________
Maybe playing your game
would cheer you up.
_________________________________

Okay.
_________________________________
(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
_________________________________

Pancake.
_________________________________

-Milkshake.
-(CAT MEOWING)
_________________________________

Pancake.

Pancake.
_________________________________

Milkshake.
_________________________________

RALPH: Ooh, ooh, ooh.
I wanna try, I wanna try!
_________________________________
My turn, my turn!
_________________________________

Pancake.
Milkshake.
_________________________________
Milkshake.
Milkshake.
_________________________________

-(EXCLAIMS SADLY)
-Pancake. Pancake.
_________________________________
Milkshake.
Milkshake. (CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

I'm starting to understand
why people like this game.
_________________________________
Very zen.
_________________________________
(INHALES, BURPS)
_________________________________

Hey, everybody,
look what I found!
_________________________________

-More pancakes!
-RALPH: Sweet!
_________________________________
Let's speed it up.

Pancake, pancake, pancake.
_________________________________
Pancake, pancake, pancake.
_________________________________
Pancake, pancake, pancake.
_________________________________
Pancake, pancake, pancake.
_________________________________

Eat, little bunny.
Eat, eat, eat!
_________________________________

Uh, Ralph, you might wanna try
feeding the kitty
_________________________________
for a little while.
_________________________________

No, the kitty gets
the milkshake.
_________________________________

The bunny gets the pancake.
_________________________________
(GASPS)
_________________________________
(RUMBLING)
_________________________________
(POPS)
_________________________________
-(SHRIEKING)
-(TIRES SCREECHING)
_________________________________
ANNOUNCER: And now,
an exclusive sneak peek
_________________________________
of Frozen 2. Click here.
_________________________________
('80s POP MUSIC PLAYING)
_________________________________
(SINGING)
Never gonna give you up
_________________________________
Never gonna let you down
_________________________________
Never gonna run around
and desert you
_________________________________
Never gonna make you cry
_________________________________
Never gonna say goodbye
_________________________________
Never gonna tell a lie
and hurt you
_________________________________
RALPH: Uh-uh!
_________________________________
Why would I? I like you.
_________________________________
You guys
still sticking around?
_________________________________
All right. Well,
you're welcome to stay.
_________________________________
There's not really any more
surprises, but, you know...
_________________________________
Good luck getting that song
out of your head.
_________________________________
It's a real earwig.
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES)
Anyway, what else? Uh...
_________________________________