Monday, October 12, 2020

The Sword in the Stone subtitles

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MAN: (SINGING) A legend is sung
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Of when England was young
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And knights were brave and bold
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The good king had died
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And no one could decide
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Who was rightful heir to the throne
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It seemed that the land
would be torn by war
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Or saved by a miracle alone
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And that miracle appeared
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In London town
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The sword
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In the stone
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NARRATOR: And below the hilt,
in letters of gold,
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were written these words,
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"Whoso pulleth out this sword
of this stone and anvil
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"is rightwise king born of England."
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Though many tried for the sword
with all their strength,
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none could move the sword, nor stir it.
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So, the miracle had not worked.
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And England was still without a king.
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And in time,
the marvelous sword was forgotten.
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This was a dark age,
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without law and without order.
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(WIND BLOWING)
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Men lived in fear of one another,
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for the strong preyed upon the weak.
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(SQUEAKING)
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(BIRD SHRIEKING)
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A dark age, indeed!
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Age of inconvenience.
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(GRUNTING) No plumbing.
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(STRAINING) No electricity.
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No nothing.
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Oh!
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Oh, hang it all! (COUGHING)
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Hang it all.
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(MUTTERING)
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(COUGHING)
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Oh, now what? Now what?
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Leave off, leave off!
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Oh, you... You fiendish chain, you!
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Everything complicated.
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One big medieval mess.
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(BUBBLING)
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(SIGHS) Now, let me see, um...
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He should be here in...
Uh, I'd say half an hour.
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Who? Who?
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I'd like to know who.
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I told you, Archimedes. I am not sure.
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All I know is that
someone will be coming.
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Someone very important.
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Oh, pin feathers.
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Fate will direct him to me
so that I in turn may guide him
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to his rightful place in the world.
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Huh. And you say he will
arrive in half an hour?
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Ha. Well, we'll just see.
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And you will, Archimedes, you will.
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Ow! (GRUNTS)
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He'll be a boy.
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A small boy.
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Eleven, 12 years old,
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and a scrawny little fellow.
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(CHUCKLES)
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Oh, no, no, no. That can't be the one.
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Surely not. Why, that big lad
must be close on to 20.
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Ah! (CHUCKLES)
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There he is. The scrawny
little fellow, about 12.
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He's a regular little grasshopper.
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(CHUCKLES) Look at him go.
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And where, where would you guess
he is at this very moment?
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I am not guessing, Archimedes.
I know where he is!
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Uh... Less than a mile from here,
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just beyond the forest.
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And right on schedule.
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If all goes well.
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Quiet, Wart.
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I'm trying to be.
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And nobody asked you
to come along in the first place.
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-I'm not even moving.
-Shut up.
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A-ha.
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Here we go. Oh, what a set-up.
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Hmm. Right smack through
the old gizzard.
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Wha... Wait. Whoa!
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KAY: Why, you clumsy little fool!
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Oh, Kay, please, I'm sorry.
I couldn't help it.
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Please.
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If I ever... (GRUNTS)
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If I ever get my hands on you
I'll wring your scrawny little neck,
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so help me, I will.
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I'll get the arrow, Kay.
I'm sure I can find it.
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(SCOFFS)
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(CHUCKLES)
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Don't tell me you're going in there.
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-Why, it's swarming with wolves.
-I'm not afraid.
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KAY: Well, go ahead.
It's your skin, not mine.
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Go on, go on.
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(GRUNTS)
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There it is. Oh, there it is!
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-(CRACKING)
-Wha... Wait. Whoa!
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(THUD)
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(COUGHING)
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Well.
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So, you did drop in for tea, after all.
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(CHUCKLES)
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Oh. You are a bit late, you know.
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-Oh, I am?
-(BUBBLING)
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Yes.
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Now... (CLEARS THROAT)
My name is Merlin.
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(BUBBLING)
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Come, come. Who are you, my lad?
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Oh, my name's Arthur,
but everyone calls me Wart.
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Oh.
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-Oh, what a perfect stuffed owl.
-(STAMMERING)
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Stuffed? I beg your pardon!
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ARTHUR: He's alive, and he talks!
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And certainly a great deal
better than you do.
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Oh, come, Archimedes.
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Come, come, now.
I want you to meet the Wart.
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Now, you must forgive him.
He's only a boy.
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Boy? Boy.
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I see no boy.
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-I'm sorry that I...
-That's all right.
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-He's much too sensitive.
-Sensitive? Huh?
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-Who? What, what?
-Oh! (CHUCKLES)
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-How did you know that I was...
-Oh, that you'd be dropping in?
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Well, I happen to be a wizard.
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A soothsayer, a prognosticator.
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I have the power to see into the future.
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Centuries into the future.
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I've even been there, lad,
and I've seen all these things.
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They're only plans and small models,
of course.
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Now, this for instance
is a steam locomotive.
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(STEAM HISSING)
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-(CHUGGING)
-(MERLIN CHUCKLES)
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There she goes.
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Pretty good, eh?
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That won't be invented
for hundreds of years.
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Oh. You mean you can see
everything before it happens?
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Yes, everything.
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Ah, ah, ah, ah.
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Everything, Merlin?
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Uh...
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No, no, not everything.
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I... I admit I didn't know
whom to expect for tea.
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But as you can see,
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I figured the exact place.
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You're very clever, sir.
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Yes. Well, never mind the "sir".
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Just plain Merlin will do. (CHUCKLES)
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-Now, would you care for sugar?
-Oh, yes, I would.
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-Please.
-All right.
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Sugar? Sugar!
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No. Manners, manners.
Guests first. You know that!
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All right. Just say when, lad.
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When.
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-Have you had any schooling?
-Oh, yes.
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I'm training to be a squire.
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I'm learning the rules
of combat and swordsmanship
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and jousting and horsemanship.
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Oh, yes, yes. Very good. That...
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No, no, no! I... I mean a real education.
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Mathematics, history, biology,
natural science,
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English, Latin, French.
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No. When, when! Blast it all. When!
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Impudent piece of crockery.
(GRUMBLING)
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Boy, now, you can't...
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You can't grow up without
a decent education, you know.
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Oh, I suppose not, sir... Merlin.
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So, I am going to be your tutor.
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But I've got to get back to the castle.
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-They'll want me in the kitchen.
-Oh, well, then, very well.
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We'll pack and be on our way.
(CLEARS THROAT)
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You... You watch now. You'll like this.
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Higitus figitus zumbakazing.
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I want your attention, everything.
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We're packing to leave.
Come on, let's go.
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No, no, not you.
Books are always first, you know.
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MERLIN: (SINGING)
Hockety, pockety, wockety, wack
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Abra abra dabra nack
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Shrink in size, very small
We've got to save enough room for all
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Higitus, figitus, migitus, mum
Prestidigitonium
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(MUTTERING)
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Alakafez, balakazez
Malakamez meripides
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Hockety, pockety, wockety...
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Now, stop, stop, stop, stop.
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Sugar bowl, you're getting rough.
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That poor old tea set is cracked enough.
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All right. Let's start again. Let's start...
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Oh. Where was I, boy?
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-Uh... Hockety, pockety?
-Oh, yes. Yes, that's right.
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Hockety, pockety, wockety, wack
Odds and ends and bric a brac
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I'll be with you in a minute, son.
Packing's almost done.
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You... You bungling blockhead!
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Hey, easy there. No, go ahead.
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Dun goo-dily doo-dily doo-dily dun.
This is the best part.
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Higitus, figitus, migitus, mum
Prestidigitonium
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Higitus, figitus, migitus, mum
Prestidigitoni...
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Ooh! Ha ha!
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-What a way to pack.
-(CHUCKLES)
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Well... Now, just a minute, boy.
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How else would you get all this stuff
into one suitcase, I'd like to know.
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-ARTHUR: But I think it's wonderful.
-Oh. Yes, it is, rather.
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Now, don't you get any foolish ideas
that magic will solve all your problems.
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Because it won't!
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But sir, I don't have any problems.
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Oh, everybody's got problems.
The world is full of problems.
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(GRUNTS) Oh, blast it all.
There, now you see what I did?
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(SHOUTS)
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That's the trouble with the world today.
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Everybody butting their heads
against a brick wall.
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All muscle and no mentality.
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Do you want to be
all muscle and no brain?
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-I don't have any muscle.
-You don't?
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-Well, how do you move about?
-I suppose I do have a little.
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A-ha! There, you see?
Well, that's enough.
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Now, develop your brain. Knowledge,
wisdom, there's the real power.
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Higher learning, that's the thing.
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(WHIMPERING)
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First thing tomorrow morning
we'll start a full schedule.
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Eight hours a day.
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We'll have six hours for school
room and two for study period.
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But I al...
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But I don't have the time.
I have page duties.
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Page duties? Ha!
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(WHIMPERING)
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-(GURGLING)
-(THUD)
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We'll change all that.
There's got to be a shake-up.
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Well, yes, sir. I suppose so.
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MERLIN: How do you expect to amount
to anything without an education?
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Even in these bungling,
backward medieval times
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you have got to know where
you're going, don't you?
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ARTHUR: Yes, sir.
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MERLIN: Yes, of course.
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You must plan for the future, boy.
You've got to find a direction.
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And you've got... (STAMMERING)
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Now, by the by, what direction
is this castle of yours?
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I think it's north. The other way.
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Oh.
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(GRUMBLING)
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All right. We'd better get a move on.
Come on, lad. Pick up the pace.
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(PANTING)
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(WHEEZING)
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(GASPS)
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(INHALES DEEPLY)
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(EXHALES DEEPLY)
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(THUD)
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ECTOR: Oh, the devil take it.
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The devil take it.
Anyone's got better sense
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than to go barging off
in that infernal forest alone.
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You had no business letting him go.
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Look, Dad,
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-I'm not the Wart's keeper.
-ECTOR: Well, blast it all, I am!
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After all, I took him in,
adopted the lad, you might say.
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Being his foster father, I'm responsible.
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(BARKING)
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(GRUNTS)
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(LAUGHING)
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ECTOR: Tiger, Talbert, off with you.
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Look here. What's the big idea of
gallivanting off in the woods
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-and worrying everybody?
-I'm sorry, sir.
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Well, sorry's not enough.
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That's four demerits, four hours
extra kitchen duty.
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-Report to the cook.
-But I'd like you to meet...
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Go on, hop it, boy. Hop, hop, hop it.
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You've got to keep a schedule
to run a place like this.
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You need strict rules,
especially for small boys.
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And I most certainly agree.
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Who are you, and... Oh...
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-I mean, you?
-My name is Merlin.
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And this is Archimedes,
the highly-educated owl.
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(CLEARS THROAT)
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ECTOR: Educated owl?
(LAUGHING)
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Say, that's a good one.
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Say, say, I know.
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You've got him under a spell, Marvin.
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-You're a magician.
-The name is Merlin.
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And I happen to be the
world's most powerful wizard.
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(LAUGHING) Come off it, man.
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-Gadzooks.
-All right. I shall demonstrate.
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Higitus, figitus, migitus, mo,
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wind and snow swirl and blow.
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(SHIVERS)
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What the devil are you up to?
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That is what I call a "wizard blizzard."
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Hey, Kay, would you look at this?
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An indoor blizzard.
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And in the month of July.
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So what?
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(STAMMERING) All right,
Marvin, turn her off.
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(SHIVERS) I'm convinced.
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Alakazam.
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I hope you don't go in for
any of that black magic.
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Oh, no, no, no, no.
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Never touch the stuff.
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My magic is used mainly
for educational purposes.
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In fact, that is why I am here.
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I have come to educate the Wart.
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Oh, no, you don't.
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I'm running this place.
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If you think you're gonna fiddle
with my schedule,
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pack up your bag of tricks and be gone.
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Well, by Jove. Hey, he's gone.
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Good riddance.
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MERLIN: I'm gone,
but then I'm not gone.
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(SNICKERS) So, if I do leave you
can never be sure that I am gone.
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-Can you?
-Well...
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(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
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Well, I must say,
you've got me there, Marvin.
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Where are you? And you're
welcome to stay, if you like.
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Thank you. You're very kind.
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Very generous, I must say.
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Well, all we can offer is room and board.
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Hard times, you know, Marvin.
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We'll put you up in the northwest
tower. That's the guest room.
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It's drafty in the winter,
but in this hot weather
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it's the best room in the house.
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Oh, yes. Very lovely, indeed.
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So just make yourself at home, Marvin.
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Marvin? Marvin, Marvin, Marvin.
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(THUNDERCLAP)
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Best room in the house!
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Guest room. Unwelcome guest room!
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If he thinks that he can get rid of me,
I've got news for that old walrus.
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I'm sticking it out!
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And I say we go back to the woods.
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No, not on your life.
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That boy's got to have an
education. He has a future.
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Hmm. You may be right.
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A skinny kid like that would make
a cracking good chimney sweep.
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(LAUGHING)
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-(COUGHING)
-(LAUGHS)
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Something tells me
that you're all wet, Archimedes.
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(HORN BLOWING)
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-(HORSE NEIGHING)
-(HOOVES GALLOPING)
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(BLOWING HORN)
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-Who goes there?
-MAN: Pellinore.
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It's Pellinore, dash it all.
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I've got big news
from London. Big news.
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Come on, man. Drop the bridge.
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(CREAKING)
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(CLATTERING)
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(RUMBLING)
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(HORSE NEIGHING)
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Well... Big news, eh?
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Well, can't wait for the London Times.
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First edition won't be out for
at least, uh... 12 hundred years.
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Archimedes, would you mind
sailing down there and...
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Not interested.
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Oh, come, come, come, come now.
You're as wet as you can get.
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No. No, no, no.
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Archimedes, I'll turn you into a human.
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-Hmm. You wouldn't dare.
-I will. So help me, I will.
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All right. All right. All right!
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All right.
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Works every time.
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Just like magic.
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(CREAKING)
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Pellinore! (LAUGHING)
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Pellinore. Greetings, old boy.
_________________________________
What's all the noise about London?
_________________________________
Big news, really big news.
_________________________________
Sit down, man, and let's hear all about it.
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They're having a
big tournament New Year's Day.
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Oh, that's not news, dash it all.
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-They always do.
-But Ector, Ector,
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here's where all the
excitement comes in.
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To the winner of this
tournament goes the crown.
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(GASPS)
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(COUGHING)
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You mean... You mean he'll
be king of all England?
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King of all England.
_________________________________
Kay, lad, did you hear that?
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Pretty fair prize, I'd say.
_________________________________
Yes, and you could win it, boy,
if you'd knuckle down to your training.
_________________________________
We'll have you knighted by Christmas,
off to London. What do you say?
_________________________________
Sure. Why not? Why not?
_________________________________
Wart, lad, how'd you
like to go to London?
_________________________________
Oh, Sir Ector, you mean it?
_________________________________
If you stick to your duties
you can be Kay's squire.
_________________________________
Oh, I will, sir, I will.
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(BOTH LAUGHING)
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I don't want the Wart for my squire.
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Here's to London, and here's to Kay.
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And here's to the banner
of the castle of the Forest Sauvage!
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-Cheers.
-PELLINORE: Cheers, cheers.
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(ROOSTER CROWS)
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-Charge!
-(HORSE NEIGHING)
_________________________________
Wait, boy. Lean into it.
_________________________________
Steady, boy, steady.
Steady with the lance.
_________________________________
Do it, white knight! Hit him clean.
_________________________________
No. No, no!
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(CRASH)
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(RUMBLING)
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ECTOR: Heads up!
_________________________________
(STAMMERING) Archimedes?
_________________________________
Archimedes, where are we?
_________________________________
In a tumbled-down old tower
_________________________________
in the most miserable old castle
in all Christendom, that's where.
_________________________________
Uh, C... Castle? Castle?
_________________________________
Don't you even remember the boy?
_________________________________
Uh... The boy?
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ECTOR: Can't you remember
one blasted thing?
_________________________________
Oh, now, just a moment. I...
_________________________________
-ECTOR: Tight grip on the lance.
-Oh.
_________________________________
Loose in the saddle, knees in tight,
_________________________________
weight forward and stay on target.
_________________________________
-(NEIGHING)
-You keep losing your grip.
_________________________________
It's not a mere matter of muscle, son.
_________________________________
Jousting is a fine skill.
_________________________________
It... It's a highly developed science.
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES)
_________________________________
Science, indeed.
_________________________________
One dummy trying to knock off
another dummy with a bit of a stick.
_________________________________
And the Wart's just as hot
for it as the rest of them.
_________________________________
MERLIN: He certainly is.
That boy's got real spark.
_________________________________
Lots of spirit.
_________________________________
Throws himself heart and soul
into everything he does.
_________________________________
That's really worth something if it
can be turned in the right direction.
_________________________________
Fat chance of that.
_________________________________
Oh, I plan to cheat, of course.
_________________________________
Use magic.
_________________________________
Every last trick in the trade if I have to.
_________________________________
Well, after you become a squire, then
in time you'll be a knight I suppose.
_________________________________
Oh, I wish I could...
_________________________________
I'd give anything to go riding about
on a great white charger,
_________________________________
slaying dragons and griffins
and man-eating giants.
_________________________________
-Well, won't you?
-Oh, no.
_________________________________
You see, I'm an orphan and a knight
must be of proper birth.
_________________________________
I only hope I'm worthy
to be Kay's squire.
_________________________________
That's a big job too, you know.
_________________________________
Oh, indeed. Yes, yes.
_________________________________
I would say almost impossible.
_________________________________
Yes. Well, now then, when I said
I could swim like a fish,
_________________________________
I really meant as a fish.
_________________________________
You mean you can turn
yourself into a fish?
_________________________________
After all, I happen to be a wizard.
_________________________________
Could you turn me into a fish?
_________________________________
Do you have any imagination?
Can you imagine yourself as a fish?
_________________________________
Oh, that's easy.
_________________________________
-I've done that lots of times.
-Oh.
_________________________________
Well, good. Then I think that my magic
can do the rest.
_________________________________
Uh... (STAMMERING)
_________________________________
Archimedes, what is that fish formula?
_________________________________
(YAWNING)
_________________________________
(STAMMERING)
_________________________________
Who? Who? What?
_________________________________
You know, that Latin business.
_________________________________
Fish? Latin? Oh, uh...
_________________________________
Aquarius, aquaticus, aqualitus.
_________________________________
And now, if you don't mind,
I say good day to the both of you.
_________________________________
If you please.
_________________________________
When he stays out all night
he's always grumpy the next morning.
_________________________________
-He must stay out every night.
-Yes, yes.
_________________________________
Oh. Oh, yes. I say, that's very good, boy.
(CHUCKLES)
_________________________________
Who? What, what?
_________________________________
All right, boy. All set. Here we go.
_________________________________
Aquarius, aquaticus, aqualitus quom.
_________________________________
Aquadigitarium.
_________________________________
(POOF)
_________________________________
ARTHUR: Merlin, am I a fish?
Am I a fish?
_________________________________
Yes, yes, yes, you are a fish.
_________________________________
If you don't stop
flipping and flopping around
_________________________________
and get in the water you won't last long.
_________________________________
(GRUNTS)
_________________________________
Now, stay right here in the tules
and I'll be with you in a minute.
_________________________________
(MERLIN CHUCKLES)
_________________________________
So, you thought you could take right off
like a shot, did you?
_________________________________
Well, I am a fish, aren't I?
_________________________________
MERLIN: You merely look like a fish.
_________________________________
That doesn't mean
you can swim like one.
_________________________________
You don't have the instinct.
_________________________________
So, you'll have to use your brain
for a change.
_________________________________
You are living between two planes now,
_________________________________
somewhere between the ceiling
and the floor.
_________________________________
Now, there are lots of ups and downs,
like a helicopter.
_________________________________
-Helicopter?
-Yes.
_________________________________
It... It... No, never mind.
_________________________________
Every flick of a fin creates movement.
_________________________________
So, first we'll start with the caudal fin.
_________________________________
No, no, boy. Your tail, tail.
_________________________________
(GASPS)
_________________________________
Now, that gives you the forward thrust.
Now, let's get a rhythm.
_________________________________
(SINGING) Right, left, right, left
_________________________________
One, two, left and right
_________________________________
By day and night
_________________________________
That's what makes the world go round
_________________________________
In and out
Thin and stout
_________________________________
That's what makes the world go round
_________________________________
For every up there is a down
_________________________________
-For every square
-There is a round?
_________________________________
Yes.
_________________________________
-For every high
-There is a low?
_________________________________
And for every to
_________________________________
-There is a...
-Fro.
_________________________________
-Fro?
-Yes, fro.
_________________________________
To and fro, stop and go
_________________________________
That's what makes the world go round
_________________________________
In and out
Thin and stout
_________________________________
Merlin? Merlin?
_________________________________
-I swallowed a bug.
-Oh.
_________________________________
What's wrong with that?
After all, boy, you are a fish.
_________________________________
Instincts, you know.
_________________________________
But you said I had no instinct.
_________________________________
Yes. Oh.
_________________________________
Oh, I did. That's neither here nor there.
_________________________________
The main thing is, you must...
_________________________________
Set your sights upon the heights
_________________________________
Don't be a mediocrity
_________________________________
-Mediocrity?
-That's right.
_________________________________
Don't just wait and trust to fate
_________________________________
And say that's how it's meant to be
_________________________________
It's up to you how far you go
_________________________________
If you don't try you'll never know
_________________________________
And so, my lad, as I've explained
_________________________________
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
_________________________________
(MERLIN HUMMING TUNE)
_________________________________
(MERLIN GIGGLING)
_________________________________
(BOTH LAUGHING)
_________________________________
Let's... Let's swim through
that tall grass again. It tickles.
_________________________________
(BOTH LAUGHING)
_________________________________
Oh. Oh, I beg your pardon.
_________________________________
Me, too.
_________________________________
For every to there is a fro
_________________________________
For every stop there is a go
_________________________________
And that's what makes
the world go round
_________________________________
Oh, let go, let go, let go.
_________________________________
You big bug-eyed bully, you.
_________________________________
Who, me?
_________________________________
Oh, here, here, here, here,
here now, boy.
_________________________________
No sense going around
insulting bullfrogs.
_________________________________
(CROAKS)
_________________________________
A fish has plenty of other
problems without that.
_________________________________
The water world has its
forests and its jungles, too.
_________________________________
So, it has its tigers and its wolves.
_________________________________
But that...
_________________________________
That's what makes the world go round
_________________________________
You see, my boy it's nature's way
_________________________________
Upon the weak the strong ones prey
_________________________________
In human life, it's also true
_________________________________
The strong will try to conquer you
_________________________________
That is what you must expect
_________________________________
Unless you use your intellect
_________________________________
Brains and brawn
Weak and strong
_________________________________
-Merlin, help, help!
-That's what makes the worl...
_________________________________
Jehoshaphat!
_________________________________
(SHOUTS)
_________________________________
-Quick, Merlin, the magic.
-No, no, you're on your own, lad.
_________________________________
-Now's your chance to prove my point.
-What point? (GASPS)
_________________________________
He's the brawn and you're
the brain. Now, don't panic!
_________________________________
You use your head.
Outsmart the big brute.
_________________________________
Smart move, lad.
That's using the old intellect.
_________________________________
(SCREAMS)
_________________________________
Bravo, boy. Great strategy.
_________________________________
-Is the lesson about over?
-Did you get the point?
_________________________________
Yes, yes, brain over brawn.
_________________________________
Okay, lad, I'll fix the big brute.
_________________________________
Higgly piggly... No, no.
_________________________________
Hocus pocus... No! What the blazes...
_________________________________
-Hey didda dihicka...
-Merlin!
_________________________________
Hmm? Now what?
_________________________________
Oh, is it that, that boy?
_________________________________
-What in blazes...
-Help, help!
_________________________________
Help!
_________________________________
(SHOUTING) Ouch!
_________________________________
-(INHALING DEEPLY)
-Help!
_________________________________
Hmm? Oh...
_________________________________
Archimedes!
_________________________________
Help!
_________________________________
(STRAINING)
_________________________________
(SHRIEKS)
_________________________________
(GURGLING)
_________________________________
(GURGLING) What... What in...
_________________________________
What in thunder is a monster
like that doing in the moat?
_________________________________
By George, I...
_________________________________
I'll turn him into a minnow.
_________________________________
-Merlin.
-Oh, there you are, boy.
_________________________________
Snick, snack, snorrel.
_________________________________
How in the world did you
ever get out of that mess?
_________________________________
That big fish almost swallowed me,
_________________________________
and Archimedes, he, he saved me.
_________________________________
Well, by Jove.
_________________________________
Now, what do you know about that?
_________________________________
I... (COUGHING)
I did nothing of the sort!
_________________________________
I intended to eat him.
_________________________________
Young perch is my favorite dish.
_________________________________
-You know that.
-Oh... (CHUCKLES)
_________________________________
-Do you believe that, Wart?
-Well, I...
_________________________________
ECTOR: Wart! Wart!
_________________________________
I've got to go. Thank you, Merlin.
_________________________________
It was so much fun. And Archimedes, I...
_________________________________
-Pin feathers, boy.
-ECTOR: Wart!
_________________________________
-Where are you, Wart?
-Coming! I'm coming.
_________________________________
Now, Archimedes,
_________________________________
why would you half drown
yourself for a tidbit of fish?
_________________________________
And after such a big breakfast.
_________________________________
Pin feathers and gully fluff.
_________________________________
We were doing fine
until we got in deep water.
_________________________________
Then along comes this huge pike
with big jaws and sharp jagged teeth.
_________________________________
-Oh, turn him off, Dad.
-He was a monster.
_________________________________
The biggest fish I ever saw.
_________________________________
And, boy, that's the biggest
fish story I ever heard.
_________________________________
-But it's true, sir.
-That's three demerits for being late
_________________________________
and three more for the fish story.
_________________________________
Now, hop it to the kitchen!
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES)
I told you the Wart was loony.
_________________________________
ECTOR: He's either out of his head or
there's something fishy going on here.
_________________________________
(SINGING) For every high there is a low
_________________________________
For every to there is a fro
_________________________________
To and fro
Stop and go
_________________________________
That's what makes the world go round
_________________________________
-Oh, it's you, Merlin, sir.
-Yes, my lad.
_________________________________
Now, have you ever
considered being a squirrel?
_________________________________
-No, I don't suppose.
-Well, now,
_________________________________
there is a tiny creature
with enormous problems.
_________________________________
How he has survived
throughout the ages
_________________________________
is one of nature's big mysteries.
_________________________________
His life is hazardous.
_________________________________
Downright dangerous.
_________________________________
Would you like to try it?
_________________________________
Oh, no, I'd better not.
_________________________________
Oh.
_________________________________
Too dangerous for you, eh?
_________________________________
Oh, no, it's not that.
_________________________________
It's just that I've got six demerits.
All this work to do.
_________________________________
MERLIN: What a mess.
_________________________________
What a medieval muddle.
We'll have to modernize it.
_________________________________
Start an assembly line system.
_________________________________
All right, now.
_________________________________
A one and a two and a three and a four.
_________________________________
(SINGING)
Higitus, figitus, migitus, mum
_________________________________
Tittendy, bittendy, buttondy, dum
_________________________________
But I'm supposed to do it.
_________________________________
No one will know the difference, son.
_________________________________
Who cares as long
as the work gets done?
_________________________________
Rubbety, scrubbety, sweepity, flew
_________________________________
Come on, son, let's go, let's go.
_________________________________
MERLIN: Wart!
_________________________________
Wart!
_________________________________
Wart, take it easy. Take it easy, boy.
_________________________________
Wart! Oh, no, boy. No, no!
_________________________________
-Wart!
-Wha... Wait. Whoa!
_________________________________
Now, what did I tell you?
Always look before you leap.
_________________________________
Well, I made it, didn't I?
_________________________________
Yes, yes, you made it, you made it.
_________________________________
But you can't always trust to luck, boy.
_________________________________
Now, first you start
with the short jumps.
_________________________________
Gauge the distance carefully and...
_________________________________
(SHOUTS)
_________________________________
There, you see?
Even then you can miss.
_________________________________
So, don't take gravity too lightly
or it'll catch up with you.
_________________________________
-What's gravity?
-Gravity's what causes you to fall.
_________________________________
-Oh, like a stumble or a trip?
-Yes, like a stumble or a...
_________________________________
No, no, no. It's the force
that pulls you downward.
_________________________________
The phenomenon that any two
material particles or bodies,
_________________________________
if free to move, will be
accelerated toward each other.
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
(SQUEAKING)
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
Merlin, how will we get by?
_________________________________
Hmm? Oh.
_________________________________
Well, I suppose we better
go back to a sidetrack.
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
Go on, go on. You've got lots of room.
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
Well, I guess she can't be sidetracked.
_________________________________
That's a girl squirrel
and a redhead, at that.
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
(GIGGLING)
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
-She sure acts funny.
-MERLIN: She likes you.
_________________________________
Why?
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
Yes, well. Well, that's nature again.
_________________________________
But I'm afraid there's no time to explain.
_________________________________
Here now, you'd better
leave me out of it.
_________________________________
-(CHITTERING)
-(GRUNTS)
_________________________________
Yeah. Me, too.
_________________________________
Merlin.
_________________________________
-(MUFFLED) Merlin!
-You're on your own, lad.
_________________________________
I'm afraid magic
can't solve this problem.
_________________________________
Look, I'm not a boy... I mean...
_________________________________
I'm not a squirrel, I'm a boy.
_________________________________
A human boy, not a real sq...
_________________________________
Oh, leave me alone.
_________________________________
Merlin, what will I do?
She won't leave me...
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
Well, I'm afraid you're stuck, lad.
When a girl squirrel chooses a mate,
_________________________________
it's for life.
_________________________________
But I won't be a squirrel tomorrow.
_________________________________
She doesn't know that.
She only knows one simple fact,
_________________________________
that you're a him and she's a her.
_________________________________
(GIGGLES)
_________________________________
It's a natural phenomenon.
_________________________________
Phenomenon?
_________________________________
Well, it's the...
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
(SINGING) It's a state of being,
a frame of mind
_________________________________
It's a most befuddling thing
_________________________________
And to every being
Of every kind
_________________________________
It is discomboomerating
_________________________________
You're wasting time resisting
_________________________________
You'll find the more you do
_________________________________
The more she'll keep insisting
_________________________________
Her "him" has got to be you
_________________________________
Now, leave me alone.
_________________________________
I mean it!
_________________________________
It's a rough game, anyone knows
_________________________________
Go away!
_________________________________
(MOANS)
_________________________________
There are no rules
Anything goes
_________________________________
There's no logical explanation
for this discomboomeration
_________________________________
It's a most bemuddling
most befuddling thing
_________________________________
(GASPS)
_________________________________
Oof. Who? Who? What the...
_________________________________
Now, go on, shoo.
Get a tree of your own.
_________________________________
Skedaddle.
_________________________________
(SQUAWKING)
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
(SQUAWKING)
_________________________________
(MUTTERING)
_________________________________
Oh, you squirrelly squirrels!
_________________________________
Ha ha! She's gaining on you, Wart.
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
There's no sensible explanation
for this discomboomeration
_________________________________
It's a most hodgepodge-ical
most illogical
_________________________________
Most confuse-ling, most bamboozling
_________________________________
Most bemuddling (STAMMERING)
Most befuddling
_________________________________
Thing
_________________________________
(GIGGLING)
_________________________________
(STAMMERING)
_________________________________
Really, now, Miss...
_________________________________
Madam, I...
_________________________________
You, you've made a mistake.
_________________________________
Now, now, now, please.
_________________________________
Madam. Madam!
_________________________________
(GIGGLING)
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
Look here.
_________________________________
I am not a boy. I mean,
I am not a squirrel.
_________________________________
I'm a boy.
_________________________________
No, that's not what I meant.
_________________________________
(LAUGHING) No!
_________________________________
No, I'm a stupid old...
_________________________________
No!
_________________________________
I'm an old man.
_________________________________
An old hu... man.
_________________________________
Understand?
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
Oh, hang it all. Now, go away.
_________________________________
Shoo, shoo.
_________________________________
(GIGGLING)
_________________________________
Impossible. Impossible.
_________________________________
Confound it.
_________________________________
Confound it all!
_________________________________
Merlin, I'm tired of being a squirrel.
It's nothing but trouble.
_________________________________
You've got trouble?
Look at my... Look back there!
_________________________________
(GIGGLING)
_________________________________
One side, lad.
_________________________________
(GIGGLING)
_________________________________
(SHOUTS)
_________________________________
Help, Merlin, help!
_________________________________
(GASPS)
_________________________________
(YELPS)
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
(YELPS)
_________________________________
(YELPING)
_________________________________
(THUD)
_________________________________
(YELPS)
_________________________________
(CHITTERING)
_________________________________
By George!
_________________________________
MERLIN: I've had enough
of this nonsense.
_________________________________
(GIGGLING)
_________________________________
Alakazam.
_________________________________
(SCREAMS)
_________________________________
There. You see? I'm an ugly,
horrible, grouchy old man.
_________________________________
(BOTH MUTTERING)
_________________________________
(BARKING)
_________________________________
-ARTHUR: Merlin.
-Oh.
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES)
_________________________________
-So, here we are.
-Quick, Merlin, the magic.
_________________________________
Snick, snack, snorrel.
_________________________________
-(CHUCKLES)
-(GASPS)
_________________________________
There. Now you see? I'm not a squirrel.
_________________________________
-I'm a boy.
-(CHITTERS)
_________________________________
I tried to tell you. I'm a boy.
_________________________________
A human boy.
_________________________________
-(SNIFFLES)
-Oh...
_________________________________
If you could only understand.
_________________________________
(WEEPING)
_________________________________
Ah... You know, lad, that love
business is a powerful thing.
_________________________________
(SNIFFLES)
_________________________________
(MOANS)
_________________________________
Greater than gravity?
_________________________________
Well, yes, boy, in its way.
_________________________________
I'd... Yes, I'd say it's the
greatest force on earth.
_________________________________
(SOBBING)
_________________________________
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
_________________________________
Ector! Ector!
_________________________________
Sir Ector, the kitchen!
_________________________________
Hold it, son.
_________________________________
-WOMAN: Madness all over the place.
-Kay!
_________________________________
Hold that, I say.
_________________________________
(SHOUTS)
_________________________________
Now, what's all the commotion?
_________________________________
The kitchen, it's under an evil spell.
_________________________________
-Huh?
-It's bewitched.
_________________________________
No! I bet it's that old goat, Marvin.
_________________________________
Come on, son.
I knew he'd give us trouble.
_________________________________
Gadzooks!
_________________________________
Black magic of the worst kind!
_________________________________
Come on, Kay, to the attack!
_________________________________
(GROANS)
_________________________________
(SHOUTS)
_________________________________
Heaven preserve us!
_________________________________
Kay!
_________________________________
-Now, what have we here?
-Jumpin' hop toads.
_________________________________
Alakazam!
_________________________________
(CRASHING)
_________________________________
So there you are, you old goat.
_________________________________
What's the idea of flinging your
evil spells all over the place?
_________________________________
Oh, lend me a hand, boy.
_________________________________
Well, what have you got
to say for yourself? Hmm?
_________________________________
You call washing dishes and
sweeping floors a work of evil?
_________________________________
I'll decide what's right
and wrong around here. (COUGHS)
_________________________________
Besides, that's the Wart's job,
one of his duties.
_________________________________
Look here, boy.
_________________________________
If you want to make that trip to London,
you'd better toe the mark.
_________________________________
You old goat!
_________________________________
If I ever catch you
in my kitchen again, I'll...
_________________________________
Madam, you won't.
_________________________________
Oh, dear.
_________________________________
He's gone.
_________________________________
Well, by Jove.
_________________________________
We ought to run the old geezer
right out of the castle.
_________________________________
Oh, no. No, no, Kay, no.
_________________________________
He might cast an evil spell
on the lot of us.
_________________________________
Turn us all into stone. Shh.
_________________________________
No, there's no telling
what the old devil might do.
_________________________________
He's not an old devil!
_________________________________
He... He's good
and his magic is good, too.
_________________________________
-If... If you just leave him alone.
-Now, look here, Wart.
_________________________________
-That's three more demerits.
-Box his ears, Dad.
_________________________________
Just because you can't understand
something, it doesn't mean it's wrong.
_________________________________
Ten more demerits!
_________________________________
You make all the rules
and nobody else can say anything.
_________________________________
You've said a-plenty, boy.
_________________________________
All that popping off
just cooked your goose. Kay!
_________________________________
From now on,
young Hobbs is your squire.
_________________________________
Did you hear that, Wart?
_________________________________
Hobbs is going to be Kay's squire.
_________________________________
Y... Yes, sir.
_________________________________
That will teach you to pop off,
you little pipsqueak.
_________________________________
Oh, I'm sorry, lad.
_________________________________
I'm sorry. I spoiled everything.
_________________________________
I know that trip to London
means a great deal to you.
_________________________________
Oh, it's not your fault.
_________________________________
I shouldn't have popped off.
_________________________________
Now I'm really done for.
_________________________________
No, no, you're in a great spot, boy.
_________________________________
You can't go down now.
It can only be up from here.
_________________________________
I'd like to know how.
_________________________________
Use your head.
_________________________________
An education, lad.
_________________________________
-What good will that do?
-Get it first, then, who knows?
_________________________________
Are you willing to try?
_________________________________
(INHALES)
Well, what have I got to lose?
_________________________________
That's the spirit. We'll start tomorrow.
_________________________________
We'll show 'em, won't we, boy?
_________________________________
We sure will.
_________________________________
MERLIN: Now, first of all, lad,
_________________________________
we've got to get all of these
medieval ideas out of your head.
_________________________________
Clear the way for new ideas.
_________________________________
Knowledge of man's fabulous
discoveries in the centuries ahead.
_________________________________
Now, that will be a great advantage.
_________________________________
Advantage, indeed!
_________________________________
If the boy says the world is round
they'll take him for a lunatic.
_________________________________
-The world is round?
-Yes, yes, that's right.
_________________________________
And it also goes around.
_________________________________
-You mean, it'll be round someday?
-No, no, no. It's round now.
_________________________________
Man will discover
this in centuries to come.
_________________________________
And he will also find
_________________________________
that the world is merely
a tiny speck in the universe.
_________________________________
-Universe?
-Ah. You're only confusing the boy.
_________________________________
He'll be so mixed up he'll... He'll be
wearing his shoes on his head.
_________________________________
Man has always learned from the past.
_________________________________
After all,
you can't learn history in reverse.
_________________________________
It's confusing enough,
for heaven's sakes.
_________________________________
-All right. All right.
-(COUGHING)
_________________________________
Have it your way, Archimedes.
You're in charge.
_________________________________
You're the headmaster now.
_________________________________
So, from now on he's your pupil.
_________________________________
So, from now on, boy,
_________________________________
you do as I say.
_________________________________
-Yes, sir.
-All right.
_________________________________
Now, to start off,
I want you to read these books.
_________________________________
ARTHUR: All of them?
_________________________________
That, my boy,
is a mountain of knowledge.
_________________________________
-But I can't read.
-What, what? What!
_________________________________
-I don't suppose you know how to write?
-No, sir.
_________________________________
-Well, what do you know?
-Well, I...
_________________________________
Never mind, never mind.
We'll start at the bottom. The ABC's.
_________________________________
First the A and now the B.
_________________________________
Loop and around and there's the C.
_________________________________
Merlin, look. I can write!
_________________________________
Oh, yes, yes. That's very good, boy.
_________________________________
Hen scratch, that's all. Hen scratch.
_________________________________
Now, come on. D, E, F.
_________________________________
And now the G.
_________________________________
You see, it's as simple as...
No, no, no, no, boy!
_________________________________
Use your head, use your head, will you?
How do you expect to learn anything?
_________________________________
MERLIN: Archimedes.
_________________________________
Have you seen
that flying machine model?
_________________________________
I have nothing to do with your
futuristic fiddle-faddle, you know that.
_________________________________
-What's that thing up there?
-Hmm?
_________________________________
Oh, yes, of course. Here we are.
_________________________________
Do you mean man will fly
in one of those someday?
_________________________________
If man were meant to fly,
he'd have been born with wings.
_________________________________
I am about to prove otherwise,
Archimedes, if you care to watch.
_________________________________
Here she goes!
_________________________________
No, no, no!
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES) Man will fly, all right.
_________________________________
Just like a rock.
_________________________________
(ARCHIMEDES LAUGHING)
_________________________________
It would have worked if...
If it weren't for this infernal beard.
_________________________________
(LAUGHING)
_________________________________
I never...
_________________________________
Never in my whole...
_________________________________
Man will fly someday, I tell you.
_________________________________
I have been there. I have seen it.
_________________________________
Oh, I do hope so.
I've always dreamed about flying.
_________________________________
That I was a bird and that
I could go sailing all over the sky,
_________________________________
high above everything.
_________________________________
Avis alitus avita atheta. Prestidigitonium.
_________________________________
It's my favorite dream.
_________________________________
Oh, but then, I suppose everybody
dreams about flying.
_________________________________
I'm a bird, I'm a bird, I'm a bird!
_________________________________
Hold it, boy. Not so fast, not so fast.
_________________________________
First, I'd better explain
the mechanics of a bird's wing.
_________________________________
Now, these large feathers
_________________________________
are called the primaries, and...
_________________________________
And since when do you
know all about birds' wings?
_________________________________
I have made an extensive study
of birds in flight and I...
_________________________________
And if you don't mind,
I happen to be a bird.
_________________________________
All right, Mr. Know-it-All!
He's your pupil.
_________________________________
Ouch.
_________________________________
Now, boy, flying is not merely
some crude mechanical process.
_________________________________
(CLEARING THROAT)
_________________________________
It is a delicate art, purely aesthetic,
_________________________________
poetry of motion.
_________________________________
And the best way to learn it is to do it.
_________________________________
Now, since we're pretty far up,
we'll start with a glide.
_________________________________
Spread your wings way out. Way out!
_________________________________
That's it, that's it.
_________________________________
Now, fan your tail.
_________________________________
Tippety toe, tippety toe and off we go.
_________________________________
Now, tuck your feet under like me.
_________________________________
That's it. That's the idea.
_________________________________
Whoa. What? (SHOUTS)
_________________________________
And don't fight the air currents.
Use them.
_________________________________
Why, say, boy!
_________________________________
That's pretty good.
_________________________________
Well, boy, you're a natural.
_________________________________
Are you sure this is the
first time that you...
_________________________________
Wart, Wart, hawk, hawk!
_________________________________
Look out, boy, heads up!
Come on, Wart!
_________________________________
Archimedes, help!
_________________________________
(HAWK SCREECHING)
_________________________________
ARCHIMEDES: Wart! Wart!
_________________________________
(PANTING)
_________________________________
(HAWK SCREECHING)
_________________________________
What? Oh!
_________________________________
(COUGHING)
_________________________________
Sounds like someone's sick.
_________________________________
How lovely.
_________________________________
I do hope it's serious.
_________________________________
Something dreadful.
_________________________________
Oh, bat gizzards.
_________________________________
It's nothing but a scrawny little sparrow
with a beak full of soot.
_________________________________
Oh, I'm not really a sparrow. I'm a boy.
_________________________________
A boy?
_________________________________
Merlin changed me with his magic.
He's the world's most powerful wizard.
_________________________________
Merlin! (CHUCKLES)
_________________________________
Merlin. The world's most
powerful bungler.
_________________________________
Why, boy, I've got more magic
in one little finger.
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES)
_________________________________
Now, don't tell me you've never heard
of the marvelous Madam Mim?
_________________________________
Well, no, I don't guess so.
_________________________________
Madam Mim!
_________________________________
Good heavens.
_________________________________
Why, boy, I'm the greatest.
_________________________________
I'm truly marvelous.
_________________________________
(SINGING) With only a touch
I have the power
_________________________________
Zim zabberim bim
_________________________________
To wither a flower
_________________________________
I find delight in the gruesome and grim
_________________________________
-Oh, that's terrible.
-Thank you, my boy.
_________________________________
But that's nothing, nothing for me.
_________________________________
'Cause I'm the magnificent,
marvelous mad Madam Mim
_________________________________
You know what?
I can even change size.
_________________________________
I can be huge
_________________________________
Fill the whole house
_________________________________
I can be teeny small as a mouse
_________________________________
Black sorcery is my dish of tea
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES)
_________________________________
It comes easy to me
_________________________________
'Cause I'm the magnificent,
marvelous mad Madam Mim
_________________________________
(LAUGHING)
_________________________________
Marvelous, boy.
Marvelous, I'm marvelous.
_________________________________
Say, lad, did you know that
I can make myself uglier yet?
_________________________________
That would be some trick.
_________________________________
-I mean...
-Want to bet?
_________________________________
-Boo!
-Oh!
_________________________________
You see? I win, I win!
_________________________________
Aren't I hideous, boy?
_________________________________
-Perfectly revolting?
-Well, uh... Yes, ma'am.
_________________________________
But you ain't seen nothin' yet.
Watch this.
_________________________________
I can be beautiful
Lovely and fair
_________________________________
Silvery voice
Long purple hair
_________________________________
La la la-la
La la la la-la
_________________________________
La la-la la la
La-la la-la la la
_________________________________
But it's only skin-deep
Zim zabberim zim
_________________________________
I'm an ugly old creep
_________________________________
The magnificent, marvelous mad,
mad, mad, mad Madam Mim
_________________________________
(LAUGHING)
_________________________________
Now what do you think, boy?
_________________________________
Who's the greatest?
_________________________________
(LAUGHING)
_________________________________
Well, Merlin's magic is always,
_________________________________
well, useful for something good.
_________________________________
And he must see something
good in you.
_________________________________
Oh, I suppose so.
_________________________________
Yes, and in my book that's bad.
_________________________________
So, my boy, I'm afraid
I'll have to destroy you.
_________________________________
De... Destroy me?
_________________________________
Yeah, I'll give you a sporting chance.
_________________________________
I'm mad about games, you know.
_________________________________
Well, come on. Get going, boy.
_________________________________
You gotta keep on your toes
in this game.
_________________________________
(CACKLING)
_________________________________
I win, I win!
_________________________________
Oh, the game's over.
_________________________________
Ah!
_________________________________
Why, you little devil, you!
_________________________________
I'll wring your scrawny little neck.
_________________________________
Mim. Mim!
_________________________________
What... What are you up to?
_________________________________
Oh, Merlin.
_________________________________
Well, you're just in time.
We were playing a little game.
_________________________________
She was going to destroy me.
_________________________________
And just what are you
gonna do about it?
_________________________________
Want to fight?
Want to have a wizards' duel?
_________________________________
As you wish, Madam.
_________________________________
Well, come on. Step outside.
_________________________________
After you, Madam.
_________________________________
What... What's up, boy?
What's going on?
_________________________________
They're having a wizards' duel.
What's that?
_________________________________
Oh, it's a battle of wits.
_________________________________
The players change themselves
to different things
_________________________________
-and attempt to destroy one another.
-De... Destroy?
_________________________________
Just watch, boy. You'll get the idea.
_________________________________
(MUFFLED) First, if you don't mind,
_________________________________
-I'll make the rules.
-Rules, indeed.
_________________________________
She only wants rules
so she can break them.
_________________________________
I'll take care of you later, featherbrain.
_________________________________
Rule one, no mineral or vegetable.
_________________________________
Only animal.
_________________________________
Rule two, no make-believe things
like, pink dragons and stuff.
_________________________________
Rule three, no disappearing.
_________________________________
No. Rule four, no cheating.
_________________________________
All right, all right. Now, pace off 10.
_________________________________
One, two, three, four...
_________________________________
-Merlin, she disappeared.
-Huh?
_________________________________
-Mim, now, you made the rules.
-(CHUCKLING)
_________________________________
(CHUCKLING)
_________________________________
Ouch! Ooh!
_________________________________
(CACKLING)
_________________________________
ARTHUR:
Change to something else, Merlin.
_________________________________
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Give me time to think.
_________________________________
(CHUCKLING)
_________________________________
Higgity figgity... No, no.
_________________________________
Quick, Merlin, hurry!
_________________________________
Hoppity hip.
_________________________________
A-ha!
_________________________________
Madam, just a minute.
_________________________________
This is not...
_________________________________
(CACKLING)
_________________________________
-Come on, something bigger.
-Something smaller.
_________________________________
Mim... Mim...
_________________________________
-(CRASH)
-(MIM SHOUTS)
_________________________________
(MIM LAUGHING)
_________________________________
(LAUGHTER STOPS)
_________________________________
Merlin?
_________________________________
No disappearing.
_________________________________
(PANTING) Whew!
_________________________________
Oh! Oh, oh!
_________________________________
(CLUCKING)
_________________________________
Ouch!
_________________________________
(LAUGHING)
_________________________________
(SCREAMS)
_________________________________
Mim? Mim?
_________________________________
Are you... What's going on here?
_________________________________
You... You big blimp.
_________________________________
(SCREAMS)
_________________________________
(ROARING)
_________________________________
(CACKLING)
_________________________________
Squash me, will ya?
_________________________________
-(RATTLING)
-Ah, ah, ah, ah, Merlin.
_________________________________
Ouch! Ooh!
_________________________________
Bravo.
_________________________________
Just you wait, just you wait.
You're gonna pay.
_________________________________
(YELPS)
_________________________________
So, you want to play rough, do you?
_________________________________
(GASPING)
_________________________________
All right, Merlin.
_________________________________
I'll smash you good, you old crab.
_________________________________
Jehoshaphat.
_________________________________
(SHOUTS)
_________________________________
Here I come, Mim, ready or not.
_________________________________
(BLEATING)
_________________________________
Merlin, you wouldn't dare.
_________________________________
Merlin!
_________________________________
(SCREAMS)
_________________________________
Now, Mim, Mim,
no dragons, remember?
_________________________________
Did I say no purple dragons? Did I?
_________________________________
(INHALES DEEPLY)
_________________________________
(SHOUTING)
_________________________________
(BLOWING)
_________________________________
I win, I win!
_________________________________
Oh, that horrible old witch.
I'll peck her eyes out.
_________________________________
No, no.
_________________________________
(GASPS)
_________________________________
-He's gone.
-Disappeared.
_________________________________
MERLIN: Madam,
I have not disappeared.
_________________________________
I am very tiny.
_________________________________
I am a germ, a rare disease.
_________________________________
I'm called Malagalee Telopterosis.
_________________________________
And you caught me, Mim.
_________________________________
-What?
-(LAUGHING)
_________________________________
First, you break out into spots.
_________________________________
Followed by hot and cold flashes.
_________________________________
(SHIVERING)
_________________________________
Then violent sneezing.
_________________________________
Ah... Ah... Ah... Ah...
_________________________________
Ah-choo!
_________________________________
Watch it, boy.
_________________________________
(SHOUTS) Oh! You, you, you...
_________________________________
You sneaky old scoundrel!
_________________________________
(CRYING)
_________________________________
MERLIN: It's not too serious, Madam.
You should recover in a few weeks
_________________________________
and be as good...
I mean, as bad, as ever.
_________________________________
But I would suggest plenty of rest
_________________________________
and lots and lots of sunshine.
_________________________________
I hate sunshine.
_________________________________
I hate horrible, wholesome sunshine!
_________________________________
I hate it, I hate it!
_________________________________
I hate, hate, hate...
_________________________________
You were really great, Merlin.
But you could have been killed.
_________________________________
It was worth it, lad,
if you learned something from it.
_________________________________
Knowledge and wisdom
is the real power.
_________________________________
Right you are, Wart.
So, stick to your schooling, boy.
_________________________________
Oh, don't worry. I will, sir. I will.
_________________________________
Oh, I really will.
_________________________________
(MEN SINGING)
We will sing all night and all day
_________________________________
We will fight for the blue oak tree
On a field of white
_________________________________
For the blue oak tree
_________________________________
On a field of white
_________________________________
(MEN LAUGHING)
_________________________________
Here's to victory in London
for my son, Kay.
_________________________________
Sir Kay. I've been knighted, don't forget.
_________________________________
Oh, of course, son, of course.
_________________________________
Here's to Sir Kay.
_________________________________
And who knows?
The future king of all England.
_________________________________
Watch it, will ya?
_________________________________
Kay the king?
_________________________________
What a dreadful thought.
_________________________________
Sir Ector, Sir Ector, Hobbs has come
down with the mumps.
_________________________________
He's all puffed up like a toad.
_________________________________
Then Kay will need another
squire, hang it all.
_________________________________
-Wart, you're it.
-I'm what, sir?
_________________________________
Kay's squire. You're going to London.
_________________________________
Oh, Sir Ector! Wha... Wait. Whoa!
_________________________________
Merlin, Archimedes, Merlin!
_________________________________
Merlin, look! I'm a squire.
_________________________________
Ha!
_________________________________
Oh. Very nice, boy.
_________________________________
Yes, indeed.
_________________________________
A fine monkey suit for polishing boots.
_________________________________
It's what all squires wear.
_________________________________
And I thought you were going
to amount to something.
_________________________________
I thought you had a few brains!
_________________________________
Great future. Ha!
_________________________________
A stooge for that big lunk, Kay.
_________________________________
Congratulations, boy!
_________________________________
What do you want me to be?
_________________________________
I'm nobody. You...
_________________________________
You don't know a thing
about what's going on today.
_________________________________
I'm lucky to be Kay's squire.
_________________________________
Oh! Of all the idiotic...
(STAMMERING) I...
_________________________________
Blow me to Bermuda!
_________________________________
-Where did he go?
-To Bermuda, I suppose.
_________________________________
-Where's that?
-Oh, an island way off somewhere
_________________________________
-that hasn't been discovered yet.
-Will he ever come back?
_________________________________
Who knows? Who knows anything?
_________________________________
MAN: For the crown of all England,
_________________________________
let the tournament begin!
_________________________________
(WHINNYING)
_________________________________
(CROWD CHEERING)
_________________________________
Kay! Now, it's up to the swords.
_________________________________
Swords? Swords?
_________________________________
Oh, no!
_________________________________
-Kay.
-What? What?
_________________________________
I... I forgot your sword.
_________________________________
Forgot my sword!
_________________________________
I... I left it back at the inn.
_________________________________
Why, you bungling little fool!
_________________________________
You'd better get it,
or don't you dare come back!
_________________________________
Let me in, let me in!
_________________________________
Somebody, please! Please let me in!
_________________________________
It's no use, boy,
they've all gone to the tournament.
_________________________________
Oh, what will I do?
Kay's got to have a sword.
_________________________________
Look, boy. Look.
There in the churchyard.
_________________________________
A sword. Oh, Archimedes. A sword!
_________________________________
ARCHIMEDES:
You're gonna have a time pulling it out.
_________________________________
Watch it, boy.
_________________________________
Better leave it alone.
_________________________________
But Kay's got to have a sword.
_________________________________
Now, come on, quick.
Let's get out of here.
_________________________________
You're up next, son. Better get ready.
_________________________________
ARTHUR: Kay, Kay, here's a sword.
_________________________________
-This is not my sword.
-Hold on, Kay.
_________________________________
Wait a minute.
_________________________________
"Whoso pulleth out this sword..."
_________________________________
It's the sword in the stone.
_________________________________
The sword in the stone? It can't be.
_________________________________
But look, it is.
_________________________________
-It's the marvelous sword.
-Hold everything.
_________________________________
Someone's pulled
the sword from the stone!
_________________________________
Where did you get it, Wart?
_________________________________
I pulled it out of an anvil
that was on a stone
_________________________________
in, in a churchyard.
_________________________________
(ALL LAUGHING)
_________________________________
The lad's a young Samson.
_________________________________
You're making a fool of us, boy.
_________________________________
-Now, tell the truth.
-But I did, sir.
_________________________________
Then come on. Prove it.
To the stone with you.
_________________________________
MAN: Yes, prove it.
_________________________________
MAN 2: Come on! Prove it!
_________________________________
All right, boy, let's have the miracle.
_________________________________
Now, wait a minute.
_________________________________
Anyone can pull it once it's been pulled.
_________________________________
Go to it, Kay. Give it all you've got.
_________________________________
-Put your back into it.
-(MEN CLAMORING)
_________________________________
-Get out.
-Push him aside.
_________________________________
-Hold on. That's not fair.
-I say we let the boy try it.
_________________________________
That's what I say.
Give the boy a chance.
_________________________________
Go ahead, son.
_________________________________
It's a miracle, ordained by heaven.
_________________________________
This boy is our king.
_________________________________
Well, by Jove.
_________________________________
-MAN: What's the lad's name?
-Wart.
_________________________________
Oh, I mean, Arthur.
_________________________________
MAN: Hail, King Arthur!
_________________________________
ALL: Hail, King Arthur!
Long live the King!
_________________________________
(LAUGHS) I can't believe it.
_________________________________
Oh, forgive me, son.
_________________________________
-Forgive me.
-Oh, please don't, sir.
_________________________________
Kay, bow down to your king.
_________________________________
NARRATOR: So, at last,
the miracle had come to pass
_________________________________
in that far-off time
upon New Year's Day.
_________________________________
And the glorious reign
of King Arthur was begun.
_________________________________
(SIGHS)
_________________________________
I can't be a king, Archimedes.
_________________________________
I don't know anything
about ruling a country.
_________________________________
I told you to leave the thing
in the stone, boy.
_________________________________
I'll run away, that's what I'll do.
_________________________________
-They'll have to get somebody else.
-Better take the side door.
_________________________________
Out the side door.
_________________________________
CROWD: Hail, King Arthur!
Long live the king!
_________________________________
There's another door over there.
Over there, come on. Come on.
_________________________________
CROWD: Long live King Arthur!
_________________________________
Long live...
_________________________________
Looks like we're surrounded, boy.
_________________________________
Oh, Archimedes, I wish Merlin was here.
_________________________________
Merlin! Merlin!
_________________________________
Oh, Merlin, you're back from Ber... Ber...
_________________________________
Bermuda? Yes.
_________________________________
Back from Bermuda
and the 20th century.
_________________________________
And believe me, you can have it.
_________________________________
One big modern mess.
_________________________________
Alakazam.
_________________________________
-I'm in an awful pickle. I'm king.
-He pulled the sword from the stone.
_________________________________
Ha ha!
_________________________________
Of course, of course.
_________________________________
King Arthur and his Knights
of the Round Table.
_________________________________
-"Round Table"?
-Would you rather have a square one?
_________________________________
Oh, no. Round will be fine.
_________________________________
(CHUCKLES)
_________________________________
Boy, boy, boy.
_________________________________
You'll become a great legend.
_________________________________
They'll be writing books
about you for centuries to come.
_________________________________
Why, they might even make
a motion picture about you.
_________________________________
-Motion picture?
-Oh.
_________________________________
Well, that's something like television.
_________________________________
Without commercials.
_________________________________
(SINGING) Hail, King Arthur
Long live the king
_________________________________
at

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