Give a Day. Get a Disney Day. script

Give a Day. Get a Disney Day.

Directed by: Stephen J. Anderson, Byron Howard
Produced by: Roy Conli, John Lasseter, Glen Keane
Screenplay by: Dan Fogelman
Based on: The Frog Princess by E. D. Baker, The Frog Prince by Brothers Grimm
Starring: Mae Whitman, Jesse McCartney, James Denton, Miley Cyrus, Keith David, Michael-Leon Wooley, Megan Hilty, Jim Cummings, Peter Bartlett, Grey DeLisle, Jenifer Lewis, Anjelica Huston, John Krasinski, John Goodman, Steve Whitmire, Eric Jacobson, Dave Goelz, Bill Barretta, David Rudman, Matt Vogel, Jocelyn Blue, Charity James, June Melby, Catherine Reitman, Colleen Wainwright, Dorian Harewood, Joey Camen, T.K. Carter, Darnell Suttles, Steve Kehela
Music by: Randy Newman, James Newton Howard, John Debney, Danny Elfman
Edited by: Tim Mertens
Production company: Walt Disney Pictures, Walt Disney Animation Studios, Jim Henson Productions
Distributed by: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Release dates: May 26, 2010 (Disneyland Resort), June 15, 2010 (El Capitan Theatre), June 25, 2010 (United States)
DVD/Blu-Ray release date: October 26, 2010
Running time: 104 minutes
Country: United States
Language: English
Budget: $200 million
Box office: $1.063 billion
MPAA Rating: G: "General Audiences-All Ages Admitted."
Rotten Tomatoes: Critic Score: 78% Certified Fresh. Average Rating: 6.6/10. Reviews Counted: 188. Fresh: 145. Rotten: 43. Critics Consensus: Heartwarming, hilarious, and dazzlingly old-fashioned, Give a Day. Get a Disney Day. offers boasting mix of slam-dunking basketball and a nostalgic warmth of traditional Disney animation for Muppet fans of all ages.
Aspect Ratio: 1.78:1
Subtitles: (YELLOW)

(On a night sky background, we see a star, a la Pinocchio. Then, some clouds appear, a la Mary Poppins, and a pirate ship, a la Peter Pan. We then see the castle, a la Cinderella, done in CGI, while different fireworks are appearing. A circular line is drawn over the castle (in the same vein as the previous logo), then the castle enters many dots from the bottom of the screen to reveal "WALT DiSNEY", in the post-1979 Disney script logo font, albeit slightly revised. "PICTURES" fades in, while the circular line is nearly staying visible on the logo)
(A gold paper flips in the logo onto screen, drawing a red outline of Mickey Mouse wearing a steamboat hat. The paper finishes flipping as an outline of Mickey turns into a scene from the 1928 Disney cartoon Steamboat Willie, and the animation zooms to the "0" and continues there, while the big text "50TH ANIMATED MOTION PICTURE" appears under the logo, with "WALT DiSNEY ANIMATION STUDIOS" fading in above it)
(On a black background, a blue laser carves out a line across the screen. The line flips towards the screen, revealing a blue outline of Kermit the Frog, who is then filled with color from left to right. Kermit shines brightly, then he is swallowed by a dot of light that dances across the screen, which from left to right sweeps out the words. The television logo would either be still or it would have the dot for the i flying on top of the text: Jim Henson PICTURES then flies back to the logo to dot the "I".)
(EXT. DISNEYLAND RESORT – NIGHT. The night air in Disneyland Resort in Anaheim, ruled by QUEEN MELODY and KING WILLIAMS was always ready for a little magic, like a wish upon a star that might just come true. It was an Evening Star. Its light was just finding its way through a window in the estate mansion)
Melinda: (V.O.) (SINGING) The Evening Star is shining bright
So make a wish and hold on tight
There's magic in the air tonight
And anything can happen...
(INT. BEDROOM, LILY'S MANSION – NIGHT. MISS LILY LABOUFF (age 4), one of the richest girls in all Disneyland and MELINDA (age 5), the daughter of Queen Melody and King Williams were dressed in silk and satin. Lily was cuddling a soft white kitten named MOLLY in her lap. Melinda and Lily looked like two princesses, right down to the little crowns on their heads. Their beautiful dresses had been made by Queen Melody. Queen Melody was the finest seamstress in the kingdom, and she often brought Melinda with her when she visited the mansion to do the final fittings. Queen Melody had created dozens of pretty dresses for Lily over the years)
(Right now, Queen Melody was propping up a big picture-filled storybook to read aloud before she and Melinda had to leave. The two little girls were delighted. They loved it when Queen Melody brought out a storybook. Four-year-old Lily, with her golden curls and blue eyes and five-year-old Melinda, with her blonde braids and blue eyes, snuggled next to each other on the floor, eager to listen)
QUEEN MELODY: "Just in that moment, the ugly little frog looked up with his sad, round eyes and pleaded, 'Oh, please, dear princess, only a kiss from you can break this terrible spell, that was inflicted on me by a wicked witch!'"
(Lily leaned closer to Melinda)
Young Lily: (sweet Southern drawl) (WHISPERING) There comes my favorite part.
Molly: (MEWING)
(Melinda cringed as Queen Melody turned the page–she knew what was coming next)
Queen Melody: "And the beautiful princess was so moved by his desperate plea that she stooped down, picked up the slippery creature, leaned forward, raised him to her lips, and kissed that little frog!"
(Melinda closed one eye and wrinkled her nose, but Lily was delighted)
(Queen Melody turned the book around to show the beautiful illustration to the two girls)
Queen Melody: "Then, the frog was transformed into a handsome prince. They were married and lived happily ever after. The end."
Young Lily: (CHEERS) (LAUGHING) Read it again! Read it again!
(The grandfather clock in the hall had just chimed. It was already six o'clock)
Queen Melody: Sorry, Lily. It's time for us to be heading home. (to Melinda) Say "good night," Melinda.
(But Melinda wasn't ready to say good night)
Young Melinda: There is no way in this whole wide world I would ever, ever, ever–I mean never kiss a frog. Yuck!
(Lily wrapped one of her long golden curls around her finger)
Young Lily: Is that so?
(She reached into the drawer and pulled out a green frog sock puppet. She put it over her white kitten's head and grinned. Molly squirmed. She pushes her up to Melinda's nose)
Young Lily: Well, here's your Prince Charming, Millie. Come on. Kiss him.
Young Melinda: No.
Young Lily: Kiss him!
Young Melinda: Stop it!
Young Lily: Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him!
Young Melinda: I won't, I won't, I won't!
(Lily put her nose against Molly's face)
Young Lily: I would do it. I would kiss a frog. I would kiss a hundred frogs if I could marry a prince and be a princess.
(Lily squeezed Molly and gave her a big old kiss. The kitten squirmed harder. She twisted out of Lily's hands and leaped into the air, digging her hands in order to escape. As Molly clung upside down from the curtains, Lily picked up the sock puppet, which she had finally shaken off her head)
Queen Melody: You girls, stop tormenting that poor little kitty. Poor little thing.
(Queen Melody told them as she gently pulled the kitten down and placed her on a floor)
(Just then, Lily's father, BIG DADDY LABOUFF, walked into the room. Big Daddy was large and round as a barrel. He was a jolly man who always seemed to have a smile on his face)
Big Daddy: Evening, Melody.
(Lily jumped to her feet)
Young Lily: Daddy! Daddy! Look at my new dress.
(She twirled around for him)
Young Lily: Isn't it pretty?
Big Daddy: Look at you. Why, I'd expect nothing less from the finest seamstress in the Magic Kingdom of Disneyland.
(Lily showed him the pretty princess in the storybook)
Young Lily: Ooh! I want that dress!
Big Daddy: Now, sugar...
(But Lily tugged on his mustache and begged)
Young Lily: I want that one! Please, please, please, please!
(Big Daddy just couldn't resist)
Big Daddy: Melody, you suppose you can whip something up like that?
(Queen Melody glanced at the closet, which was filled with princess dresses in all shapes and colors)
Queen Melody: Anything for my best customer.
(LILY CHEERS)
(Big Daddy tried his best to seem stern)
Queen Melody: Come on, Melinda. Your father should be home by now.
Big Daddy: All right now, princess, you're getting that dress, but that's it.
(EXT. HALLWAY, MANSION – NIGHT. Queen Melody took Melinda's hand and they walk down the mansion's hallway)
Big Daddy: No more Mr. Pushover. Now, who wants a puppy?
(Lily squealed with delight as Big Daddy pulled a bloodhound puppy from his kennel)
LILY: I do! I do! He's so cute!
(INT. HAPPINESS HOTEL – NIGHT. We enter the hotel called the Happiness Hotel of Disneyland, a free hotel but not always dissipating as the one in London, has 4000 deluxe penthouses, four restaurants including a buffet, a swimming pool and water park, a petting farm, a 5,000,000 gallon aquarium, a local gymnasium, a concert, an IMAX movie theater where people could watch films from Disney (The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Fantasia, Bambi, Finding Nemo, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, The Incredibles, The Jungle Book, Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Cinderella, Mulan, Monsters, Inc., Ratatouille, Lilo & Stitch, Tarzan, Pinocchio, Alice in Wonderland, Up, Lady and the Tramp, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, A Bug's Life, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Emperor's New Groove, Hercules, Dumbo, The Lion King, Cars, Pocahontas, Sleeping Beauty, Aladdin, and Peter Pan), a nightclub, a comedy club, eight ballrooms, a convention center, a conference room, a video arcade, a live stage theater, a spa, a business center, a fitness center, a pet resort, and even a monster resort)
R. Kelly: I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
Spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly
(Melinda was so amazed by this place)
(INT. KITCHEN, PENTHOUSE, HAPPINESS HOTEL – NIGHT. King Williams, the king of Disneyland Resort, had already arrived home from work and had begun making supper)
KING WILLIAM: Mmm. Gumbo smells good, Melinda.
Young Melinda: I think it's done, Daddy.
King William: Yeah? Are you sure?
Young Melinda: Mmm-hmm.
King Williams: Absolutely positive?
Young Melinda: Yes.
King Williams: Okay, I'm about to put this spoon in my…
Young Melinda: Wait!
(She added a few drops of hot sauce. Then she tasted the gumbo)
Young Melinda: Done.
(Melinda held her breath as her father dipped his spoon into the pot. Queen Melody looked up from her sewing and smiled)
King Williams: Hmm.
Young Melinda: What?
King Williams: Well, sweetheart, this is the best gumbo I've ever tasted! Come here. Melody, our little girl's got a gift.
Queen Melody: Mmm-hmm. I could've told you that.
King Williams: A gift this special just got to be shared.
(Then she ran out the hallway)
Young Melinda: Hey, everybody, I made gumbo!
WOMAN: Ooh, that smells good!
MAN: I got some hush puppies, Melinda. Here I come!
(Soon all the citizens filled the penthouse. Everyone brought a little bit of home cooking to share. Sounds of music and idle chatter drifted through the air)
KING WILLIAM: You know the thing about good food? It brings folks together from all walks of life.
(EXT. BEDROOM, PENTHOUSE – NIGHT. As Queen Melody and King Williams got Melinda ready for bed, King Williams told Melinda)
King Williams: It warms them right up and it puts little smiles on their faces. And when I open up my own restaurant, I tell you, people are going to line up for miles around just to get a taste of my food.
Young Melinda: Our food.
King Williams: (LAUGHS) That's right, baby. Our food.
(Then he pulled out a pen and a flyer. Melinda stared wide-eyed at the picture of a glamorous, upscale supper club. Such a restaurant was sure to be filled with the lovely aromas of the best food in the resort. King Williams hoped that a flyer like this would one day advertise the restaurant of his dreams. He wrote the words MELINDA'S PLACE on the flyer as the restaurant's name. Melinda grinned from ear to ear. Outside Melinda's ceiling window, the clouds parted, and starlight fell on the little girl's face)
Young Melinda: (GASPS) Daddy! Look!
King Williams: Where are you going?
Young Melinda: Lily's fairy tale book said if you make a wish on the Evening Star, it's sure to come true.
(Queen Melody smiled and lovingly moved over next to her friend)
Queen Melody: Well, you wish on that star, sweetheart.
King Williams: Yes. You wish and you dream with all your little heart. But you remember, Melinda, that old star can only take you part of a way. You got to help him with some hard work of your own, and then, yeah, you can do anything you said you mind to. Just promise your father one thing. That you'll never, ever lose sign what's really important. Okay?
(Melinda nods)
Queen Melody: See you in the morning, baby cakes.
(King Williams tucked Melinda into bed. They closed the door as they left the room)
King Williams: Get some sleep.
(Melinda crawled out from under her blankets and scrambled back to the window. After looking up at the Evening Star, she shut her eyes tight)
Young Melinda: Please, please, please!
(Melinda opened her eyes and blinked in surprise. For just a moment, she couldn't believe what she saw. There, on the windowsill, sat a small, fat, green frog. It started back at her, opened its mouth, and let out a loud CROAK! Melinda screamed and ran out the door)
(EXT. LOCAL GYMNASIUM – NIGHT. Melinda turned around to look at the hoop one more time as pictures of Melinda appeared. As she began to run to the hoop to dunk the ball like Michael Jordan, more pictures of Air Melinda appeared as the opening sequence began, with the "Space Jam" theme song by Quad City Ds playing in the background)
(TITLE CARD: WALT DISNEY PICTURES PRESENTS...)
(TITLE CARD: GIVE A DAY. GET A DISNEY DAY.)
(The opening sequence for the film featured pictures of Melinda over the years: from her college basketball career at the University of Los Angeles to his years as a superstar in the NBA. The opening sequence ends as Melinda was in a press conference)
(TAGLINE: FOURTEEN YEARS LATER)
MELINDA: I just feel at this particular time that I reached the, uh, pinnacle of my basketball career and I must retire. The one good thing that comes out of this is that my father had the opportunity to see me play my last basketball game, and that means a lot to me.
(The interviewers asked Michael about his plans after retiring from the NBA)
MALE REPORTER: What are you gonna do now?
Melinda: Well, I've never really told anybody this, except for one person, and, uh... But I think I'm gonna go play professional baseball.
Interviewer 1: What position will you play?
Melinda: I don't know. As a kid, I was a pitcher. I think that would be kind of hard for me to pitch, so I'm gonna play the outfield.
(EXT. MORON MOUNTAIN – OUTER SPACE. In Outer Space, there is a scary-looking alien theme park named Moron Mountain. The theme park featured rides and attractions, but there was not many many people at this theme park. However, there were two guests that were on a random ride. An alien father and his son are blasted from the ride they were on. They crashed on the ground. Luckily, they did not get hurt from the oncoming crash)
Alien Kid: Let's get out of here, Dad. This stinks. Don't bring me here anymore, all right?
(INT. LOBBY, MORON MOUNTAIN – OUTER SPACE. Unknown to her, they were being watched on surveillance cameras by PRINCIPAL ROBERT, the owner of the theme park (who is Kermit the Frog's adoptive father) and the group of the NERDLUCKS)
Alien Kid: (REPEATED) Don't bring me here anymore, all right?
PRINCIPAL ROBERT: Are you listening?
(He turned off the TVs)
Principal Robert: Did you hear him? Did you hear him? That little brat was right. I've told you if I told you once, I told you a thousand, thousand, thousand, thousand times. We need new attractions.
Nerdlucks: Right.
Principal Robert: New ones.
Nawt: Uh-huh.
Principal Robert: Get it?
(NAWT, the red Nerdluck files Principal Robert's fingers)
Nawt: Big, shiny new ones, yeah.
(BANG, the green Nerdluck and BUPKUS, the purple Nerdluck, were licking their sandals)
Bang: Absolutely, sir.
Principal Robert: Look at me. Look at me and listen.
(He flipped her lighter on and lit it on POUND's behind, the orange Nerdluck who was screaming off the table)
Principal Robert: The customer is always right.
Bupkus & Bang (Both): Right.
Principal Robert: The customer is always right.
BUPKUS: Exactly.
Principal Robert: Always.
(As he smoked his cigar, green drool fell from his mouth and landed on BLANKO, the blue Nerdluck. As this was occurring, Blanko just had a look of disgust)
Nerdlucks (All): Right.
Principal Robert: So, does anyone have any ideas?
(The Nerdlucks all began to brainstorm some new ideas)
Pound: How about we get the Hanna-Barbera characters?
Principal Robert: Not really. I don't think their limited animation style would fit this type of movie.
Pound: Oh, yeah, that's right. I forgot that their animation didn't really gain more movement until the late '80s or so.
Principal Robert: I could try to sign a deal with the NBA players, but that may not be a good idea.
(Principal Robert stood up and walked out of the room)
Principal Robert: I'll think of something. We'll finish this meeting tomorrow.
(As Principal Robert walked out of the room, the Nerdlucks were still trying to think of some new ways to revamp Moron Mountain and bring in some new customers)
Bang: What are we going to do? Moron Mountain is on the verge of closing down and we don't have much to bring in some new park guests.
Blanko: How about we try to live it up before it closes down?
Bupkus: (sarcastically) Actually, Blanko, that would be a good idea ... if we could live it up before these six months are over.
Nawt: Alright, alright, everyone, let's calm down and try to think about this. I'm sure something will come to us later.
Bang: Well, while you guys do that, I'll just watch some TV.
(He turned on the little TV's)
(When he turned them on, Bang was amazed at the following images that he saw. He was so excited that he ran to the other Nerdlucks to show them)
Pound: Alright, so, I guess we need something that's nutty. Something wacky, something that's...
(Bang called from the other room)
Bang: Hey, guys! You gotta see this! I found a good way to fix up this theme park!
(The other Nerdlucks followed Bang as he led them to the TV screens. When they got up, Blanko asks a question)
Blanko: So, what did you find?
Bang: (pointing to the TV screens) I think 'Muppety' is what we need!
Pound: Muppety, uh?
(He and the other Nerdlucks all looked at the little TV screens)
(On the TV screens, they saw clips from various shows with guest stars, such as Jim Nabors, Juliet Prowse, Ruth Buzzi, Nancy Walker, Sandy Duncan, Vincent Price, Madeline Kahn, Rita Moreno, Kaye Ballard, Charles Aznavour, Don Knotts, Florence Henderson, Avery Schreiber, Zero Mostel, Julie Andrews, Phyllis Diller, Dom DeLuise, Lena Horne, Peter Sellers, Harvey Korman, Mummernschanz, Candice Bergen, Judy Collins, Rudolf Nureyev, Cloris Leachman, and Bernadette Peters)
Pound: Whoa! Muppets. That's it! We've got it!
Nawt: Do you think Principal Robert will like this one?
Pound: Of course, this has to be a good idea. Come on, everyone, let's go get the boss. He has to see this!
(The Nerdlucks then ran out of the room to get Principal Robert and show him their idea to save Moron Mountain from getting shut down)
(While the Nerdlucks were ready to show the boss their latest idea to revive Moron Mountain, Principal Robert was in his office, trying to call some companies for the use of their characters as the entertainment for Moron Mountain. However, it was not working out as well as he thought it would, since he was already hung up by various companies)
Principal Robert: Drat!
(He slammed the phone down)
Principal Robert: To think I actually thought the Ringling Bros. Circus would help me out.
(Principal Robert looked out of the window in his office)
Principal Robert: Well, I guess it's no use anyway. Moron Mountain is going to be shut down in six months if I don't bring in new park guests. I might as well shut it down right now since there's no hope left.
(However, Principal Robert noticed the Nerdlucks excitedly walking into his office)
Principal Robert: Huh? What are you guys doing here?
Pound: We found a way to save Moron Mountain from shutting down for good, sir! I think that this idea will cheer you up.
Principal Robert: (raising an eyebrow) What are you talking about?
(The Nerdlucks led Principal Robert back to the main room as he sat down in his chair while the Nerdlucks tried to find the remote to turn on the TV screens)
Principal Robert: Listen, I understand that you guys want to help, but I don't have the time right now.
(Principal Robert walked to the window, smacking a few Nerdlucks behind him)
Principal Robert: We need something.
NAWT: My bad.
Principal Robert: We need something nutty.
Nawt: Nutty.
Principal Robert: Something wacky.
NAWT: Wacky.
(He sat down on her chair, sitting on the TV remote to turn on the little TVs)
Principal Robert: We need something, something... Something... We need something...
(Bupkus points at the little TVs)
Bupkus: Muppety? Oops.
Nawt: Muppety. Thank you.
Principal Robert: Muppety?
Pound: Well, we found something that's nutty, wacky, and Muppety.
Bang: Get ready to laugh, Principal Robert, sir.
(Principal Robert turned around to see The Muppet Show episodes. There were clips from various shows with guest stars, such as Jim Nabors, Juliet Prowse, Ruth Buzzi, Nancy Walker, Sandy Duncan, Vincent Price, Madeline Kahn, Rita Moreno, Kaye Ballard, Charles Aznavour, Don Knotts, Florence Henderson, Avery Schreiber, Zero Mostel, Julie Andrews, Phyllis Diller, Dom DeLuise, Lena Horne, Peter Sellers, Harvey Korman, Mummernschanz, Candice Bergen, Judy Collins, Rudolf Nureyev, Cloris Leachman, and Bernadette Peters)
Principal Robert: Yes. Muppety. Yes. Now, we're talking. Muppety. Muppety. That's it. That's the word I was looking for this whole time. Muppety. Get the Muppets.
Bupkus: (jumped up and cheered) The Muppets!
Principal Robert: Bring them here. This will be perfect! If all of those Muppet characters come up here, they will help bring in some new park guests and it will help Moron Mountain bring in the money ... for me, anyway. It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!
(The Nerdlucks all cheered until Blanko raised his hand)
Principal Robert: Huh, what is it, Blanko?
BLANKO: Sir. Just noticing, sir. You know the Muppets?
Principal Robert: Yeah.
Blanko: Well, you do realize that they're from Earth, right?
Pound: (in surprise) Wait, those Muppets are from Earth? As in, the planet Earth?
Blanko: (sarcastically) Well, I wasn't talking about the planet of Saturn, dude.
Principal Robert: Oh, no! (face-palmed himself) Now, that's going to be a killer! We finally get a good idea to freshen up this theme park, and now, it is going to be ruined because of the fact that our new mascots are from the planet Earth!
Blanko: Don't give up hope yet, sir. I was only going to ask you. What if they can't come?
(Principal Robert looked up)
Principal Robert: What did you say? What if they can't come? (grabs Blanko by his neck) Make them.
Blanko: Cool.
Principal Robert: Make them.
CREATURES: We're gonna go get them. Yeah. All right.
(The Nerdlucks loved their evil idea. Their plan to capture the Muppets was going to come to fruition)
(Principal Robert dropped the blue Nerdluck)
Principal Robert: Perfect, so now, the plan's back into fruition.
(He walked back into his office)
Principal Robert: While I get the theme park prepared for the new mascots, you guys go get the Muppets. Oh, and make sure that they come, peacefully.
(The Nerdlucks looked at each other with smirks on their faces)
Nawt: Shall I get the spaceship ready to get the Muppet characters?
Pound: Be my guest, Nawt.
(EXT. MORON MOUNTAIN – OUTER SPACE. A short while later, Nawt got the spaceship ready for the Nerdlucks to go Earth to pick up the Muppet characters. The Nerdlucks were all getting comfortable as this was going to be one bumpy ride for them)
Pound: Okay, is everyone ready?
All: We're all ready!
Pound: Alright, now, hang on, everyone, because this is going to be one bumpy ride!
(He started the spaceship)
(As he turned on the spaceship, it began to zoom away from Moron Mountain to go into Los Angeles. However, when these little aliens got to Los Angeles, they would have to deal with the "leader" of the Muppets, a certain frog)
Kermit: Hi-lo. Kermit the Frog here.
Pound: (to the audience) You know something, folks? I have a feeling that this mission is going to be a real easy one.
(Blanko overheard Pound's voice)
Blanko: Who are you talking to, dude?
(Pound jumped upon hearing Blanko talk right behind him. He calmed down)
Pound: Oh, uh ... no one, Blanko.
Blanko: Oh, okay, dude.
(He walked back to his position)
(Pound just gave a wink to the audience as the Nerdlucks continued their journey to Los Angeles)
(EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – DAY. While the Nerdlucks were flying down to Los Angeles to capture the Muppets, back on Earth, Melinda was having a few problems of her own. When she started her baseball career, she did not realize that she would have some trouble with her batting skills. However, everyone loved her so much when she was playing basketball, they never actually complained about her baseball skills)
(Anyway, Melinda was playing in her first baseball game on a regular Saturday afternoon and she was already up to bat. When she came up to the plate and swung her bat, she missed the ball)
UMPIRE: Strike!
(Some people booed at the call, while others actually cheered for the basketball star)
Player 1: Looks good in that uniform.
Player 2: Looks great. Can't teach that.
Player 1: Can't teach it.
(As Melinda stepped back up to the plate, the catcher walked up to Melinda and smiled at her)
Catcher: Thanks for autographing that basketball for my kid. I'm a hero now.
Melinda: No problem. Happy to do it.
Umpire: Let's go!
(The two went back to the game)
(While Melinda stepped up to the plate to bat again, the catcher tried to whisper some tips to Melinda as she tried to hit the ball)
Catcher: Curve ball. Don't swing. Don't swing.
(The first tip he gave her helped as Melinda avoided hitting a wild pitch. However, the second tip confused Melinda as she ended up swinging at the ball, getting her another strike)
UMPIRE: Ball!
Catcher: Fastball, outside corner. Swing.
(Another pitch and strike)
Umpire: Strike!
CATCHER: That was your pitch.
Melinda: I know, I missed it.
Catcher: Don't worry. I'll get you another one.
(Meanwhile, one of the baseball team's promoters was watching Melinda carefully. He had a good idea)
Manager: Tulip. Tulip, come here.
(A 19-year old fairy then came running up to the promoter. She had short black hair and wore a white dress; her name is TULIP)
Tulip: Sorry, I didn't mean to...
Manager: Come here.
Tulip: Yes, sir?
Manager: Make sure nobody bothers Melinda. I want her to be the happiest player in the world.
Tulip: The happiest.
(Meanwhile, they were back to batting again)
Catcher: Slider. Don't swing.
(Melinda swung the bat again as she ended up getting a strike-out)
Umpire: Strike three!
Catcher: I told you not to swing.
Melinda: I couldn't help it.
(The catcher patted her on the back)
Catcher: I understand. Hey, nice talking to you.
(While Melinda walked to the bench, everyone in the crowd cheered for him, even though she struck out. Melinda walked over to the bench)
Baseball Player: We're not worried. We're not worried.
PLAYER 1: Good job, Melinda.
PLAYER 2: Good hustle.
Baseball Player: Good cut, Melinda. Good cut.
Another Player: That was a strikeout, Melinda? Good-looking strikeout. Real good.
Another Player 2: You look good when you strike out. When I strike out, it looks nasty. At least you look good. Good-looking.
(While the teens were talking, Tulip appeared from the top of the bleachers. She was talking to Melinda)
Tulip: Hi, Mrs. Melinda. Mrs. Melinda, I'm Tulip...
(However, she did not realize that she was losing her grip from the top as she suddenly fell to the ground as Melinda and the teens helped her up and sat her on the bench)
Tulip: Oh, jeez.
Melinda: You all right? That was a nasty fall.
Tulip: Yeah. Oh. I'm Tulip, Mrs. Melinda. I'm the Dodgers' new publicist. I'm here to make your life easier. Want me to drive you somewhere? Want me to pick up your laundry, babysit your kids? I will do it. I am here to personally guarantee that no one will ever bother you.
(Suddenly, the wind picked up harshly and a sonic boom was heard in the sky. Everyone looked up to see that it was a blue and black spaceship with red headlights zooming past the stadium and into the clouds)
(Melinda could only summarize this occurrence in the best way she knew how)
Melinda: What was that?
(INT. SPACESHIP. The Nerdlucks were ordered by Principal Robert to go to Los Angeles to capture the Muppets, along with their supposed leader who goes by the name of 'Kermit the Frog'. Pound was driving the spaceship while the four other Nerdlucks were sitting in four passenger seats)
Pound: So, Nawt, could you check the map and see if we are getting any closer to Los Angeles?
(Nawt picked up the map)
Nawt: According to the calculations on this map, Los Angeles is supposed to be near the center of the Earth.
(Bang was surprised by this)
Bang: Wait a minute, Los Angeles is closer? How is that even possible?
Nawt: I honestly do not know.
(Pound was about to comment on the situation until he found a perfect spot to land towards the Earth. He sped up the spaceship)
Pound: (to the other Nerdlucks) Hold on to your seats, everyone! This is going to be one wild ride!
(The spaceship dive down towards the Earth and through the dirt, making a big hole at a nearby parking lot. The spaceship zoomed through the parking lot. Inside, the spaceship was bouncing around a bit)
Pound: Hang on.
Bang: Hanging on.
Nawt: Hanging on.
(Blanko just looked up)
BLANKO: Are we there yet?
(Everyone screamed as they were diving down to the center of the Earth. Right up ahead, a wall was seen: It was the Muppet Show curtain with the logo. The Muppet Show theme song was heard as the Nerdlucks looked impressed)
Pound: Bombastic.
Nawt: Cool.
(The spaceship went through the curtain like a portal)
(EXT. LOS ANGELES – DAY. As not many people knew about this, Los Angeles is a big city in California, United States where the Muppet gang lives)
(In the town, a frog was running down the sidewalk. His name is KERMIT THE FROG, a famous and legendary Muppet star and the leader of the Muppets)
DR. TEETH: All right, you irascible frog. Come back here, you skippy amphibian.
(Kermit was running when he stopped for a moment to look at the camera and speak to the audience)
Kermit: I'll, uh, be with you in a second, folks, after I finish with nature boy here.
(Suddenly, DR. TEETH, the leader of the Electric Mayhem caught up to him)
Dr. Teeth: All right, you pesky frog. I got you now.
(Dr. Teeth pointed his guitar to Kermit's face until a giant spaceship randomly lands and squashes Dr. Teeth flat. Luckily, Kermit did not get hurt. Kermit looked up at the giant spaceship as the large doors opened to reveal the Nerdlucks. Pound tries to re-enact the famous astronaut quote)
Pound: One small step for moi...
(Bang was somewhat hyperactive as he went next to Pound with a flagpole)
Bang: One giant leap from Moron Mountain.
(He tried to push the pole into the ground to claim Los Angeles, only to crush Pound's foot hard)
(Pound just yelped in pain as Bang laughed evilly)
(Kermit looks down at the crumpled Dr. Teeth)
Kermit: And one whopper headache for Dr. Teeth.
(The Nerdlucks heard Kermit's voice and walked down to him, but they noticed that they were only a foot and a half tall compared to the green frog)
Kermit: Diminutive, ain't they?
(Bang spoke up)
Bang: We seek the one they call Kermit the Frog.
(He finally calmed down and the other Nerdlucks nodded their heads)
Nawt: Yeah, Kermit the Frog.
Bang: Have you seen him?
Pound: Where is this guy?
BLANKO: Is he around?
(Kermit looked at the audience with a savvy and knowing look, thinking of a plan to easily fool these Nerdlucks. He thought that these little aliens would not be much of a challenge for him. After all, they were way shorter than him and they seemed to be like any other foe that he went up against. He pretended to not be himself in his own sarcastic way)
Kermit: Hmm. Kermit the Frog, Kermit the Frog.
(He began to quiz the aliens)
Kermit: Say, does he have, uh, a great long tongue? Like this?
Nerdlucks: Yeah. Yeah.
Kermit: And does he hop around like this?
(Kermit hopped around the town)
Nerdlucks: Yeah.
Kermit: Well, uh, this is the big one. Does he say, "It's the Muppet Show." Like this: It's the Muppet Show with our very special guest star, Miss Taylor Swift!
Pound: Yes, darn it, yes! That is the definitely the classic Kermit the Frog!
Nerdlucks: Yeah!
(Kermit just shrugged it off)
Kermit: Nope, sorry! Never heard of him. I never heard of this character named Kermit the Frog that you speak of.
(The Nerdlucks just sighed, defeated. They were feeling upset as they thought that they had failed their mission. It now became clear that Moron Mountain would be shut down for good)
Kermit: (to the audience, referring to the Nerdlucks) You know, maybe there is no intelligent life out there in the universe after all.
(He whistled "Bein' Green" down the road)
(The Nerdlucks were about to go back into the spaceship to ride back up to Moron Mountain until Pound realized that they had been tricked)
Pound: Wait a minute here! I am under the idea that we have been tricked, outsmarted, bamboozled, fooled, duped!
Bang: Say, you're right. That frog definitely has to be Kermit the Frog because I do not know any other show frog who says "It's the Muppet Show." in the universe!
(The Nerdlucks took out their laser guns while Kermit walked down the trail, thinking that he outsmarted those little aliens. Before he walked any further, a giant shot was fired, and the road was blown up, leaving a hole around Kermit, who was covered in soot)
POUND: Hold on there, Mr. Muppet.
(Kermit just turned to the aliens in shock)
BANG: Hey, what do you think we are, stupid?
(He knows about the trick that Kermit pulled over them. When Kermit saw the Nerdlucks, the aliens had laser guns that looked like bazookas!)
Nawt: Don't move a muscle.
(He and the other Nerdlucks pulled their guns back)
Pound: Okay, froggy, gather up your Muppet pals. We're taking you for a ride! Ha, ha.
NAWT: Move it, mister.
(Blanko was excited when Pound said that they were going for a ride)
Blanko: Totally. All right. So, like, where are we going?
(Pound just got annoyed and smacked Blanko upside the head. Blanko vibrated and moved around dizzily)
Blanko: Are we there yet?
(After he said this, Blanko still moved around in a dizzy state until he fell to the ground in a daze)
(As the Nerdlucks led Kermit to their spaceship, Kermit looked at the audience)
Kermit: Well, I can tell that these aliens may be little, but they sure do mean business!
(EXT. BEDROOM, PENTHOUSE – DAY. While Kermit was dealing with the Nerdlucks by laying down a challenge for the freedom of the Muppets, Melinda came home from work to that very same bedroom. She was tired. She took off her apron and emptied the change from her pocket into a coffee can in her dresser drawer. The drawer was full of jars brimming with coins)
Melinda: Well, Miss Melinda, rough night for tips, but every little penny counts.
(Melinda closed the dresser drawer. She glanced at a photograph of King Williams on the dresser. King Williams had passed away and Melinda still missed him)
Melinda: Don't you worry, Daddy. We'll be there soon.
(Melinda picked up the flyer King Williams had given her years ago–picture of the supper club with MELINDA'S PLACE written on it. She looked at the image of a lady dressed in fine clothes, standing in front of the big, fancy restaurant, and fondly remembered her plans to start that restaurant with her father. She was not about to give up on that dream now. And she knew she had a lot more work to do to get there. She sat on her bed and rested her head on the pillow. But the next thing she knew, her alarm clock rang. Melinda blinked. She couldn't believe it. It was already time to go to her second job)
(Melinda opened her closet and took out a yellow uniform. She combed her hair)
Melinda: Good night, Cal's. Good morning, Duke's.
(Quickly, Melinda finished dressing. She didn't want to be late for her job at Red Rocket's Pizza Pot. It was close to the 55th anniversary, a time when Disneyland came alive with even more characters, rides, music, people, and parties)
Melinda: (SINGING) Seven A.M., the usual morning line-up
Start on the job, and order up 'til the meal's all clean
Polish and wax, be the waitress and shine up
Order again
And by then
It's, like, seven-fifteen
And so I'll read a book
Or maybe two or three
I'll add a few new orderings
To my food gallery
I'll play guitar and knit and cook
And basic'ly
Just wonder, when will my life begin?
(A voodoo witch doctor named DR. FACILIER had never healed anyone. His trade was in working with spells and potions. Melinda had often heard old folks say that there was plenty of magic in Disneyland...but not all of it was good. Dr. Facilier practiced the art of bad magic, and Melinda wanted nothing to do with it)
(Melinda didn't notice Dr. Facilier in his top hat and undertaker's coat standing outside his shop. He cast a long shadow that Melinda could almost swear moved by itself sometimes. It gave her the shivers. Dr. Facilier had gotten the attention of a bald man in the crowd. The man gave Dr. Facilier a few coins. The doctor stretched out his long fingers and blew a pinch of powder into the man's face. Instantly, the bald man's head grew hair! The man seemed to be overwhelmed with his newborn confidence–he had a full head of hair! A pretty girl even looked his way! Then suddenly, hair grew over the man's entire face. The girl shrieked and ran away. So did the poor man when he saw his hairy reflection in a window!)
(Dr. Facilier, with his shadow slinking nearby, let out a chuckle)
Melinda: Then, after lunch, it's puzzles, and darts and baking...
Papier-mache, a bit of ballet, and chess...
Pottery and ventriloquy, candle-making...
Then I'll stretch
Maybe sketch
Take a climb
Sew a dress
And I'll re-read the books
If I have time to spare
I'll paint the wall some more
I'm sure there's room somewhere
And then I'll brush, and brush
And brush, and brush my hair
Stuck in the same place I've always been
And I'll keep won'dring
And won'dring
And won'dring
And won'dring
When will my life begin?
(Down at the docks, photographers anxiously waited as a large white ocean liner lowered its gangplank. Dozens of flashbulbs went off. Everyone wanted to get a look at the fabulously handsome young prince)
(PRINCE MARLEEN surveyed the crowd. He was delighted. He had finally arrived in Anaheim–the city of Disney! Quickly he tossed off his crown, replaced it with a jaunty cap, and grabbed his ukulele as he rushed down the gangplank to join in the fun. Behind the prince, his short, round valet, LAWRENCE, stumbled along with all the prince's heavy luggage)
A few days later...
The anniversary will appear
Just like they do on my birthday each year
What is it like
Out there where they glow?
Now that I'm older
Mother might just let me go...
(EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – DAY. Melinda and Tulip drove to Melinda's house)
TULIP: Sorry it took so long.
MELINDA: Don't worry.
TULIP: That exit wasn't clearly marked.
MELINDA: Hold up, right here.
TULIP: What, here?
MELINDA: Yes.
(When they reached a 2-story house, they stopped near the sidewalk)
Melinda: Thanks for the ride, Sherm. Appreciate it.
Tulip: It's Tulip, Melinda.
Melinda: Sorry.
Tulip: But you can call me Sherm if you want to. I've followed your whole career. You're the greatest athlete that's ever lived.
(Melinda attempted to open the car door, but she noticed that it was stuck)
Melinda: Tulip, Tulip, Tulip. How do I get out? The door doesn't work.
Tulip: I'm sorry. I forgot... It's a classic.
(Tulip then got out of the car and helped Melinda with the car door as she led her out and they all looked at her house. Tulip looked at the house in amazement)
Melinda: Oh, yeah.
Tulip: It's a classic, but it's got a few peccadilloes. Hold on just a second.
Melinda: A few, huh? It's smoking, too. You need to get that checked. Thanks for the ride.
Tulip: Oh. Oh, this is nice. This is a nice house. That is a beauty. What is that, Colonial?
Melinda: It's a nice house.
Tulip: If you need anything done around the house, I'd be happy...
Melinda: Oh, no, I'm fine, thanks.
Tulip: Anything you need.
Melinda: You gave me a ride. I appreciate it.
Tulip: Sure.
Melinda: Two days I'm gonna drive, okay? So I don't need the ride. But thanks, though.
Tulip: Too conspicuous?
Melinda: Yeah.
Tulip: (CHUCKLES) All right. All right.
Melinda: Thanks, though.
Tulip: Two days.
Melinda: See you in two days.
(Tulip drove away. As Melinda walked into the house to relax, she was about to go inside with them when he heard some barking sounds from a nearby doghouse. He then saw a bulldog running towards him)
Melinda: Come on, dog. No, not today.
(He was running towards her)
(However, Charles ignored Melinda's pleas as he pounced straight to his master, licking her face sloppily. It did take a while for Melinda to get Charles off of her, but she was able to do it nonetheless)
Melinda: Dog, get off me. Your breath.
(Just then, TATOOEY THE RAT walked up to where Melinda was laying)
Tatooey: Mrs. Melinda, are you okay?
Melinda: Get off of me!
Tatooey: Get off of her, Charles.
Melinda: Bad dog. Git.
Tatooey: Get off of her.
Melinda: Get off me, Charles.
Tatooey: Get off of her before I cook you. Come on, come on. Come on, baby. Come on.
(Just then, some of Melinda's cousins arrived at the house)
(As drove up to the house with the school's baseball players, Mike appeared out of the car, and looked down)
Melinda: Hey, Mike, you okay?
(Mike looked up, and just shook his head)
Melinda: How was your game?
MIKE: I don't want to talk.
(As Mike walked into the house, Jodi zoomed past him)
JODI: Hi, Melinda.
Melinda: Hey, hey.
PASSENGERS: Melinda!
(Jodi then walked up to Melinda, and kissed her)
Jodi: Melinda, Melinda!
ROSIE: Hey.
MELINDA: Hey.
Rosie: Ooh. You're all covered with drool, baby.
Melinda: That's your dog. What's wrong with Mike?
Rosie: He went two for five lost 32 points in his average.
Melinda: Is that all?
Rosie: Yeah, so that puts him at like a.685 or something.
Melinda: He's batting what?
(EXT. KITCHEN, MELINDA'S HOUSE – DAY. As they walked into the house)
Rosie: Mm. Smells good in here. What you cooking?
TATOOEY: Chicken.
Melinda: Chicken and what?
Tatooey: Chicken and collard greens.
Melinda: Good. I'm gonna need a good meal tonight.
Rosie: Is everything okay?
Melinda: I stunk up the place. I hope this baseball thing was a good idea.
(EXT. LIVING ROOM, MELINDA'S HOUSE – DAY. Melinda noticed that her cousins were watching the news about Melinda's baseball game)
Jim Rome: (ON TV) It was another career day for Melinda at the field this afternoon. Let's face it. This baseball...
Melinda: What are you guys watching?
(She walked into the room where her cousins were all watching TV)
Jim Rome: (ON TV) Today she had three strikeouts.
Melinda: Is this the only thing on TV?
Jim Rome: (ON TV) That brings his batting average down...
Melinda: What's up with this?
(On the news, the reporter was talking about Melinda's strike-outs at the game today while she was talking trash about her game. Melinda just watched this and sighed)
Jim Rome: (On TV) ...to an anemic.214, which is also his weight. Baseball bat? Get this guy a tennis racquet.
Mike: Did everyone get mad at you?
Melinda: No. Worse. Everyone was real nice about it.
Jim Rome: (ON TV) Melinda, I know golf is your sport, but not here.
Mike: I think you should open up your stance a little. It might make you more aggressive at the plate.
Melinda: You think so? I'll try to remember that.
Jim Rome: (On TV) Watching this hurts me more than you.
(Melinda then picked up the remote to change the channel)
Melinda: What are you guys doing watching this stuff? It's bad for you.
(He flicked through several different channels until he stopped at the Muppet Show with Julie Andrews in the Muppet Labs section "Hair-Growing Tonic".
Melinda: (leaving the room) There you go. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker. Meep, meep.
(The teens all watched the screen as the episode continued playing. In the episode, DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW invents a new hair tonic with his lab partner, BEAKER)
(An orange Whatnot gofer named SCOOTER arrived. The fact that this character came in during a Muppet Labs sequence really surprised the viewing audience at home)
Scooter: Oh. Stop this show. (PANTING) We've got an emergency Muppet Character Union Meeting to go to.
(He then turned to Bunsen and Beaker)
Scooter: We've got to hurry, folks. Kermit said that this is very important!
(As Bunsen ran out of the scene, Scooter followed after him)
Scooter: Hey, Bunsen, wait for me. Hold your horses.
(Beaker dropped the elixir, and was about to follow Scooter and Bunsen, but the Hair-Raising Tonic shot him into the air to get to the Muppet Character Meeting)
Mark: Dang. Where'd they go?
(EXT. EL CAPITAN THEATRE – NIGHT. At the El Capitan Theatre where all the Muppets gathered for the meeting, Beaker crashed from the roof...)
(INT. EL CAPITAN THEATRE – NIGHT. And landed on the carpet floor of the theatre, covered in soot. Someone stepped on Beaker's face and walked up the aisle. The person who was walking up the aisle was the stunt performer with blue fur and a long curled nose. His name was THE GREAT GONZO, another Muppets fan-favorite. He is wrapped in bath towels and soaking wet)
Gonzo: Stop the music. Top stunt coming through.
LEW ZEALAND: Hey!
Gonzo: Jeez. It's getting so a guy can't even get himself wet around here. So, what's the big emergency?
(Everyone turned the figures on stage, which were the Nerdlucks standing there, having Kermit tied up in chains)
Kermit: Uh, these little guys would like to make an announcement. Here you go, shorty.
(The Nerdlucks pushed Pound towards the microphone to speak to the Muppets)
Pound: You, all of you, are now our prisoners.
(A moment of silence occurred throughout the theatre, then laughter from the whole crowd ensured)
ROWLF: We're in big trouble now.
(No one believed the little Nerdlucks at all. Pound was speechless, but Nawt took the mike to speak to the audience)
Nawt: We are taking you to our theme park in outer space.
Blanko: No fooling.
Nawt: Where you'll be our slaves. And placed on display for the amusement of our paying customers.
(As Nawt said this, ROWLF THE DOG was still laughing as POPS was asking Scooter if the aliens were serious. Scooter responded with a shrug and a smirk)
Fozzie: Oh, fear clutches my breast.
(The Muppets still did not believe the little aliens. Suddenly, FLOYD PEPPER, the bass player of the Electric Mayhem walked up to the stage, holding his guitar)
Floyd: We ain't going nowheres. Why don't you go back where you dudes came from?
(He held up his guitar near Pound)
Floyd: We're not going to become slaves for nobody and, I mean, nobody!
(However, Pound responded by talking out his fire extinguisher and turned Floyd into the snowman. Everyone gasped and held their hands up in the air as if they were arrested)
Scooter: Wow, those aliens were more powerful than I thought.
Dr. Teeth: Yeah, I should've known that something has gone wrong when I actually see Kermit tied up in chains like that.
(The Nerdlucks were surprised that this was going so well)
Pound: Well, this is way easier than I thought it would be. All right, Muppets, let's get into the spaceship! Principal Robert would like to see all of you in person!
(Before the Nerdlucks could take them on away, Kermit decided to intervene)
Kermit: Uh, not so fast. You just can't turn us into slaves. That would be bad. You must give us a chance to defend ourselves.
(While he was saying this, Kermit easily took off the chains that he was wrapped around in. Pound turned to Kermit and held up his laser gun)
Pound: Oh, yeah? Who says?
NAWT: Says who?
BUPKUS: Why?
Kermit: Just a sec.
(He turned around, wrote something on a large book that he had acquired and showed the book to the Nerdlucks)
Kermit: There. Read it and weep.
(The book was actually a book titled "How to Set a Stage" with Kermit using a sticky-note saying "Give Them a Chance to Defend Themselves" The Nerdlucks did not know that though. They read the page that Kermit told them to read)
Nerdlucks: What's this? (reading) "Give them a chance to defend themselves."
Bang: Aw. Do we have to?
Nawt: Well, what do you expect, Bang? It's in the rule book.
Bupkus: It is.
Blanko: Okay. It is in the rulebook.
Pound: Okay, Kermit, we'll give you guys a chance to defend yourselves. In order to fight for your freedom, you gotta give us a challenge.
(Kermit thought about it, then smirked at the audience as he looked at Pound and the Nerdlucks)
Kermit: Okay, Pound, you got yourself a deal. (SPEAKS IN SPANISH) We have to confer.
(He and the other Muppets went to the backroom to discuss their plan)
Kermit: My friends and I have to discuss this.
(INT. BACKROOM, EL CAPITAN THEATRE – NIGHT. Kermit came out with an army uniform, and there was an American flag on the wall as he talked to his friends in an army general manner similar to General George S. Patton)
Kermit: All right, troops. It is for us to choose a battlefield that affords us—
(Until Scooter stopped him with an idea of his own)
Scooter: Oh, I got it.
Kermit: Yes, Private Scooter? (as his hat covered his eyes a bit)
(Scooter walked up to the group nervously and told them his idea)
Scooter: How about we challenge them to a spelling bee?
(Janice, however, just scoffed at Scooter's idea)
Janice: Oh, Scooter, why don't we just, like, challenge them to a beauty pageant?
(However, the Muppets all groaned at Janice's suggestion for a challenge against the Nerdlucks, as she would be the one who would suggest something like that)
Janice: What? I think it's pretty clever to have a beauty pageant as a challenge It would be an easy win for us.
Floyd: Janice, I highly doubt those aliens would want to have a beauty pageant as a challenge for our freedom, man. I don't think they would appreciate dressing up in outfits anyway. Besides, you were already in a beauty pageant in the first season of your show and you won that one, so what would be the point in that?
(Janice just rolled her eyes at Floyd)
Dr. Teeth: Say, we could have a bowling tournament. (CHUCKLES)
Rizzo: Well, I guess we could have a baseball tournament. That would sound better than having a beauty pageant as a challenge.
Beauregard: Maybe we could have a football challenge. After all, I could come in handy in those kinds of games. I should know; I actually played on the football team in Mole Land and the Electric Mayhem did play for the Creek Cobblers at one point.
Floyd: Yeah, and we had to retire because of those mascot-hating, lemon-sucking Lemon Brook Lumpers.
Sweetums: Well, I guess my suggestion of having a soccer tournament is out of the question now.
(Everyone in the backroom looked at her weirdly)
Sweetums: Don't start, guys! You all have played some random sports beforehand!
(Just then, Rowlf the Dog walked in)
Rowlf: Suffering succotash. What's wrong with all of you? I say we get a fishing pole, wait till the barbecue guy's out of the yard, and then grab that food.
(Rowlf was in the middle of having another imagination that involved him finally stealing the hot dog from the barbecue grill and began to breathe manically until Kermit calmed him down)
Kermit: Whoa, whoa, take a deep breath, Sly.
(He patted Rowlf's back, to which Rowlf nodded rapidly)
Kermit: Okay, let's analyze the competition.
(He pulled out a chart that was the blueprint of the Nerdlucks)
Kermit: Now, uh, what are we looking at here? We got a small race of invading aliens.
Gonzo: These aliens all have small arms. They all have short legs.
Dr. Teeth: They're not very fast.
Rowlf: Tiny little guys.
Scooter: They can't jump high.
(Suddenly, an idea for a challenge came into everyone's minds. They all smiled evilly as they thought up the plan while they went back outside to tell the Nerdlucks about their challenge)
(INT. EL CAPITAN THEATRE – NIGHT. Kermit picked up a random basketball and spun it on top of his finger while he approached the aliens)
Kermit: All right, Nerdlucks, we challenge you to a basketball game.
Pound: All right. Basketball it is.
Bang: Basketball.
Nawt: Basketball.
Bupkus: Boy, oh, boy.
Blanko: All right.
(He began to realize what this game called 'basketball' really is)
Blanko: What exactly is basketball?
Bupkus: (curiously) What's that?
Nawt: (shrugging at Bupkus) Beats me.
Bang: We didn't have that at school.
(Kermit just raised an eyebrow at the Nerdlucks for not knowing much about the game of basketball. He figured he had to teach the aliens how to play basketball ... through a retro tutorial movie)
Kermit: Lights.
(The lights went down and the movie began to play as LEW ZEALAND, the boomerang fish thrower squeezed through the aisle to find a good seat while blocking the movie screen from the other Muppets in the audience)
LEW ZEALAND: Pardon me. Sorry.
Zoot: Hey! Down in front.
(He quickly threw a bag of popcorn at Lew Zealand, making him fall so the rest of the Muppets could watch the movie)
NARRATOR: An exhilarating team sport currently growing rapidly in popularity is basketball.
(Various clips of different basketball games were shown)
Newsreel Narrator: (V.O.) Unlike football and baseball, only five men can play on a team. It's the fast-paced, razzle-dazzle game that requires quick wits and even faster reflexes. Here's how it's done in the professional ranks, the National Basketball Association, featuring the best players in the world.
(Suddenly, the Nerdlucks got an idea. Maybe he and his fellow Nerdlucks could go around the world and see how basketball is really played. They can learn from the league's premier players and everything!)
Nawt: The best players in the world.
Bupkus: The best.
(After the movie was over, Kermit pulled the movie screen up)
Kermit: So, now do you get the basics of how the game of basketball is played?
Pound: Oh, sure, Mr. Froggy. Listen, how about we play this basketball game tomorrow? Maybe, sometime in the afternoon?
(Kermit thought about it for a minute)
Kermit: Okay, you got a deal.
(Kermit shook hands with Pound as the Muppets left the theatre to end the meeting. When they were out of earshot, Pound whispered to his fellow Nerdlucks)
Pound: I have a good idea. Follow me, fellas!
(Pound then led the other Nerdlucks out of the theatre)
Pound: Fellas, it's time to show these Muppets that the Nerdlucks are not a force that should be reckoned with!
(INT. PENTHOUSE, APARTMENT, LOS ANGELES – DAY. Kermit pins up his Disneyland poster)
Kermit: This is it! This is a very big day, Fozzie. I'm finally going to do it. I'm going to ask him.
(Suddenly, Kermit heard a voice from outside the front door)
PRINCIPAL ROBERT: Kermit!
Kermit: (GASPS)
Principal Robert: (O.S.) Let down your ladder!
(Kermit gasped. The moment had finally arrived! It's Principal Robert, Kermit's adoptive father)
Kermit: It's time!
Fozzie: Uh, Kermit?
Kermit: I know, I know. Come on. Don't let him see you.
(Down below, Principal Robert yelled)
Principal Robert: (O.S.) Kermit! I'm not getting any older down here!
(Kermit hurried toward the window)
Kermit: Coming, father!
(He lowered the ladder down. Principal Robert climbed up the ladder and into the window. It was hard work!)
Kermit: Hi-ho. Welcome home, father.
Principal Robert: (EXCLAIMS) Kermit, how you manage to do that every single day without fail. It looks absolutely exhausting, boss.
Kermit: Oh, (CHUCKLES) it's nothing.
Principal Robert: Then I don't know why it takes so long. (LAUGHS) Oh, boss, I'm just teasing.
Kermit: All right. So, father, as you know in three days is a very big day...
(But Principal Robert immediately interrupted him)
Principal Robert: Kermit, look in that mirror. You know what I see? I see a strong, confident man.
(Kermit was puzzled, until he realized Principal Robert was talking about his own reflection!)
Principal Robert: Oh, look, you're here, too. (LAUGHS) I'm just teasing. Stop taking everything so seriously.
Kermit: Okay. So, father, as I was saying, three days is...
Principal Robert: Kermit, I'm feeling a little run-down. Would you sing for me, buddy? Then we'll talk.
Kermit: Oh! Sure. Of course, father.
(Kermit sits Principal Robert and sings quickly)
Kermit: (QUICKLY) Flower, gleam and glow Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse Bring back what once was mine
Principal Robert: Wait!
Kermit: (QUICKLY) Heal what has been hurt Change the Fates' design
Save what has been lost Bring back what once was mine
Principal Robert: Kermit!
Kermit: So, father, earlier I was saying three days is a big day, and you didn't respond. So, I'm just going to tell you, I'm going to sunny Anaheim!
Principal Robert: No, no, no. Can't be. I distinctly remember. Your trip was last year.
Kermit: That's the funny thing about field trips. They're kind of an annual thing. (SIGHS) Father, I'm turning 55, and I wanted to ask... (SIGHS) What I wanted to do for a trip... Actually what I wanted for quite a few trips now...
Principal Robert: Kermit, please, stop with the mumbling. You know how I feel about the mumbling. Blah-blah-blah-blah. It's very annoying! I'm just teasing. You're funny. I like you so much, boss.
(Kermit sighed. Fozzie made a gesture for Kermit to keep going)
Kermit: (EXCLAIMS) I want to go to Disneyland.
(Principal Robert was stunned)
Principal Robert: (CHUCKLES) What?
Kermit: I was hoping I would go to the Magic Kingdom of Disneyland.
Principal Robert: Oh! You mean the happiest place on Earth.
Kermit: That's the thing. I've charted the happiest place on Earth, and it's always constant. But this, it opened in July 17th, 1955, father. In 1955. And I can't help but feel like they're meant for me. I need to go there, father. And not just from my window, in person. I have to know what they are.
Principal Robert: You want to go outside? Why, Kermit!
(SINGING) Look at you, as cute as a mouse
Still a little sapling, just a sprout
You know why we stay here in this house
Kermit: I know but...
Principal Robert: That's right, to keep you safe and sound, frog
Guess I always knew this day was coming
Knew that soon you'd want to leave the nest
Soon, but not yet
Kermit: But...
Principal Robert: Shh!
Trust me, pet
Father knows best
Father knows best
Listen to the father
It's a scary world out there
Father knows best
One way or another
Something will go wrong, I swear
Ruffians, thugs
Poison ivy, quicksand
Cannibals and snakes
The plague
Kermit: No!
Principal Robert: Yes!
Also large bugs
Men with pointy teeth, and
Stop, no more, you'll just upset me
Father's right here
Father will protect you
Boss, here's what I suggest
Skip the drama
Stay with papa
Father knows best
Go ahead, get trampled by a rhino
Go ahead, get mugged and left for dead
Me, I'm just your father, what do I know?
I only bathed and changed and nursed you
Go ahead and leave me, I deserve it
Let me die alone here, be my guest
When it's too late
You'll see, just wait
Father knows best
Father knows best
Take if from your friendly
On your own, you won't survive
Sloppy, underdressed
Immature, clumsy
Please, they'll eat you up alive
Gullible, naive
Positively grubby
Ditzy and a bit, well, hmm vague
Plus, I believe
Gettin' kinda chubby
I'm just saying 'cause I wuv you
Father understands
Father's here to help you
All I have is one request
(Then he spoke firmly)
Principal Robert: Kermit?
Kermit: Yes?
Principal Robert: Don't ever ask to leave this apartment again.
Kermit: Yes, father.
Principal Robert: I love you very much, son.
Kermit: I love you more.
Principal Robert: I love you most.
Don't forget it
You'll regret it
Father knows best
(He got ready to leave again)
Principal Robert: Ta-ta! I'll see you in a bit, my lilypad!
Kermit: I'll be here.
(Kermit looked down and waved as Principal Robert disappeared down the neighborhood)
(INT. RED ROCKET'S PIZZA POT – DAY. The next day, inside Red Rocket's Pizza Pot, a spatula came down on a bell with a DING!)
Buford: Order up!
(The cook was serving up pizza and cookies with lightning speed, and Melinda was carrying them to customers just as fast)
Virgil: Another coffee here, chere.
Melinda: Coming right up, Virgil.
Georgia: Hey, Melinda!
(Melinda turned to see a group of her friends sitting at a table nearby)
Melinda: Morning, Georgia.
Georgia: We all going out dancing tomorrow. Care to join us?
Violet: Yeah, come on. Live a little.
Customer: Come on, Melinda. You can dance wit. It's the 55th anniversary of Walt Disney's first theme park.
(Melinda passed a plate to a customer)
Melinda: You know I have got two left feet. Besides, I'm... You need a napkin, sweetheart? I'm going to work a double shift tomorrow. Here are your hotcakes. You know, so I can...
Georgia: So you can save for your restaurant. I know, I know. Girl, all you ever do is work.
(BELL DINGS)
BUFORD: Order up!
Melinda: Maybe next time.
VIOLET: I told y'all she wouldn't come.
(She hurried to grab the next order)
(Buford looked through the pickup window)
Buford: Are you talking about that dang restaurant again?
Melinda: Buford, your eggs are burning.
Buford: Oh! You never going to get enough for the down payment.
(Melinda put a few more plates on her tray)
Melinda: I'm getting close.
Buford: Yeah, how close?
Melinda: Where are my flapjacks?
Buford: (LAUGHING) You got about as much chance of getting that restaurant as I do of winning the Kentucky Derby! Saddle me up! It's post time. Giddyup, giddyup.
(Just then, Big Daddy walked into the diner)
Melinda: Morning, Mr. LaBouff.
Big Daddy: Good morning, Melinda.
Melinda: Congratulations on being voted King of the Disneyland 55th anniversary parade.
Big Daddy: Caught me completely by surprise, for the fifth year in a row! (LAUGHING) Now, how about I celebrate with...
Melinda: Beignets? Got me a fresh batch just waiting for you.
Big Daddy: Well, keep them coming till I pass out.
(Lily (now 18) bursts into the diner all aflutter)
Lily: Oh, Millie! Millie, Millie, Millie, did you hear the news?
Melinda: Hey, Lily.
Lily: Tell her. Oh, tell her, Big Daddy!
Big Daddy: Oh, yeah, Prince Marleen…
(Lily grabbed the newspaper and showed the photograph to her friend)
Lily: Prince Marleen of Maldonia is coming to Disneyland Resort! (SCREAMING) Oh! Isn't he the bee's knees? Tell her what you did, Big Daddy. Tell her!
Big Daddy: Well, I invited…
Lily: Big Daddy invited the prince to the masquerade ball tomorrow! (EXCLAIMS) Tell her what else you did, Big Daddy. Go on.
Big Daddy: And he's staying…
Lily: And he's staying…
(Big Daddy put a beignet in Lily's mouth)
Big Daddy: And he's staying in our house as my personal guest.
(Lily nodded eagerly, only momentarily silenced by the beignet)
Melinda: Oh, Lily, that's swell. A little word of advice. My mama always said, "The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
(Lily glanced at Big Daddy enjoying his beignet)
Lily: Ah! That's it!
(She yanked the beignet out of Big Daddy's hand and examining it)
Big Daddy: What just happened?
(Lily threw her arms around Melinda's neck)
Lily: Millie! You are a bona fide genius. I’m going to need about 500 of your man-catching beignets for my ball tomorrow.
(Lily reached into Big Daddy's pocket and pulled out a wad of cash)
Lily: Excuse me, Daddy.
(She handed the money to Melinda with a smile on her face)
Lily: Will this many cover it?
(She was asking for a lot. Melinda had to make dozens and dozens of her delicious beignets before tomorrow's ball)
(But even though she was surprised by Lily's request, Melinda did not hesitate for a second to agree to do the work. She was thrilled. It was more money than she could earn in six months of tips–and she would be earning it without any handouts from anybody)
Melinda: (is she upset?) This should cover it just fine, Lily. (thrilled) This is it! I'm getting my restaurant!
Lily: (WHOOPS) Tomorrow my prince is finally coming. And I sure as heck ain't letting him go!
(Melinda watched as Lily and Big Daddy left the diner. Overwhelmed, she turned slowly as she slid the money into her pocket. Finally, she could put the down payment on her restaurant!)
(Dr. Facilier, who had slipped unnoticed into the diner, now lowered the edge of his newspaper and glanced at Melinda. Lurking silently at a corner table, he had overheard every single word of the conversation between Lily and Melinda)
(With his wicked thoughts spinning, he shared a sinister smile with his shadow. An evil plan began to come together in Dr. Facilier's mind. He was going to snare a prince)
(EXT. COTTAGE – DAY. As soon as she could, Melinda made an appointment to meet two old men STATLER & WALDORF selling the cottage. She remembered visiting the place with her father when she was little and talking about how grand a restaurant it would be)
(As Melinda waited outside the old building, Statler and Waldorf, lifted the FOR SALE sign out of the ground and got into their car)
Melinda: Everything looks peachy-keen, Statler and Waldorf.
Statler: We'll have all the paperwork ready to sign, first thing after the anniversary.
Melinda: I'll do you one better. Why don't I sign them tomorrow when I see y'all at LaBouffs' masquerade ball?
WALDORF: You drive a hard bargain, Melinda!
(They heckle and drove off. Melinda gazed at the exterior of the old cottage. This was going to take a lot of work, but she couldn't have been happier)
Queen Melody: (O.S.) Table for one, please?
(Melinda turned to to voice behind her. It was Queen Melody)
Melinda: Oh! Mama.
(She could tell that Queen Melody was proud and had shown up to support her friend. And most importantly, Tulip approached Melinda holding a well-seasoned cooking pot with a bow on it)
Queen Melody: Here's a little something to help you get started.
Melinda: Daddy's gumbo pot.
(Tears welled up in Melinda's eyes as she thought about all the times she had cooked with her father, King Williams. This restaurant was the dream she had shared with him, and she wished he were here)
Queen Melody: I know.
(MELINDA SNIFFLES)
Queen Melody: I miss him, too. Well, now. Hurry up and open the door!
(INT. COTTAGE – DAY. Melinda and Queen Melody smiled and peeked inside. It looked bad, but Melinda saw the potential)
Melinda: Just look at it, mama. Doesn't it just make you want to cry?
Queen Melody: Yes.
(Melinda walked over the loose floorboards)
Melinda: The maitre d' is going to be right where you're standing. Oh! And over here, a gourmet kitchen! And hanging from the ceiling, a big old crystal chandelier!
Queen Melody: (CHUCKLING) You're your daddy's daughter, all right. He used to go on and on about this old cottage, too. Babycakes, I'm sure this place is going to be just wonderful, but it's a shame you are working so hard.
Melinda: But how can I let up now when I'm so close? I got to make sure all Daddy's hard work means something.
Queen Melody: Melinda. Your father may not have gotten the place he always wanted, but he had something better. He had love. And that's all I want for you, sweetheart, to meet your Prince Charming and dance off into your happily ever after.
(But Melinda didn't understand her mother's words)
Melinda: Mama! I don't have time for dancing.
(SINGING) That's just gonna have to wait a while
Queen Melody: How long we talking about here?
Melinda: Ain't got time for messing around
And it's not my style
Queen Melody: I want some grandkids!
Melinda: This old town can slow you down
People taking the easy way
But I know exactly what I'm doing
Getting closer and closer every day
(She had big dreams for this restaurant, and she could see it all in front of her, beyond the rotting wood, cobwebs, and dust)
Melinda: And I'm almost there, I'm almost there
People down here think I'm crazy, but I don't care
Trials and tribulations, I've had my share
There ain't nothing gonna stop me now cause I'm almost there
I remember daddy told me: Fairytales can come true
You gotta make them happen, it all depends on you"
So I work real hard each and every day
Now things for sure are going my way
Just doing what I do
Look out boys, I'm coming through
And I'm almost there, I'm almost there
People gonna come here from everywhere
And I'm almost there, I'm almost there
(Then Queen Melody got to work helping Melinda fix up her bed. Melinda looked at the run-down cottage, and for only a moment, it glittered just like the supper club in the picture King Williams had given her. She was more determined than ever to make her dream come true–and she did not need a Prince Charming for that!)
Melinda: There's been trials and tribulations
You know I've had my share
But I've climbed the mountain, I've crossed the river
And I'm almost there, I'm almost there,
I'm almost there!
(INT. PENTHOUSE, APARTMENT – DAY. Kermit opened his package and sees something. It was the Park Hopper ticket! Kermit was puzzled. The thing was shiny, but it was not a ring or a bracelet. Maybe it was a necklace! Suddenly, a voice came from outside the front door)
PRINCIPAL ROBERT: Kermit!
Kermit: (GASPS) Oh!
Principal Robert: (O.S.) Let down your ladder!
(It was Principal Robert)
Kermit: One moment, father!
Principal Robert: I have a big surprise!
Kermit: Uh... I do, too!
(He let down the ladder)
Principal Robert: Oh, I bet my surprise is bigger!
Kermit: (SOFTLY) I seriously doubt it.
(Principal Robert reached the windowsill)
Principal Robert: I have big news. The aliens are going on a vacation around the world. Your favorite. Surprise!
(But Kermit was not all that surprised or excited about the Nerdlucks' trip around the world. No, Kermit was bursting at the seams to talk to Principal Robert about his quest to Disneyland)
Kermit: Well, father, there's something I want to tell you.
Principal Robert: Oh, Kermit, you know I hate leaving you after a fight. Especially when I've done absolutely nothing wrong.
Kermit: I've been thinking a lot about what you said earlier.
Principal Robert: I hope you're not still talking about the happiest place on Earth.
Kermit: "Disneyland," and, yes, I'm leading up to that.
Principal Robert: Because I really thought we dropped the issue, frog.
Kermit: No, father, I'm just saying, you think I'm not strong enough to handle myself out there.
Principal Robert: Oh. Oh, I know you're not strong enough to handle yourself out there.
Kermit: But if you just...
Principal Robert: Kermit the Frog, we're done talking about this.
Kermit: Trust me!
Principal Robert: Kermit.
Kermit: I know what I'm...
Principal Robert: Kermit!
Kermit: Oh, come on!
Principal Robert: Enough with Disneyland, Kermit! You are not leaving this apartment! Ever!
(Principal Robert stood in the center of the room, his fists clenched at his sides. Kermit was dumbfounded. All at once he realized that it didn't matter what he did or said. There was no hope that Principal Robert would ever let him go to Anaheim. Kermit would be stuck in the apartment for the rest of his life)
Principal Robert: (GROANS) Great. Now I'm the bad guy.
(Kermit made his decision)
Kermit: All I was going to say, father, is that... I know what I want to do for the anniversary now.
Principal Robert: And what is that?
Kermit: Play basketball. The basketball game that I challenge those little aliens.
Principal Robert: That is a very long trip, Kermit. Almost three days' time.
(But this time, Kermit knew what he wanted, and he knew how to get it)
Kermit: I just thought it was a better idea than the happiest place on Earth.
(Principal Robert's face brightened a bit. This was what he wanted to hear)
Principal Robert: (SIGHS) You'll be all right on your own?
Kermit: I know I'm safe as long as I'm here.
(Principal Robert got up and packed some stuff for his journey)
PRINCIPAL ROBERT: I'll be back in three days' time. I love you very much, frog.
Kermit: I love you more.
Principal Robert: I love you most.
(Kermit watched from his window until Principal Robert disappeared down the street)
(EXT. PENTHOUSE, APARTMENT – DUSK. Kermit packs up all the stuff and puts them in the suitcase and walks down the hallway)
Kermit: Is there more I could have said?
Now they're only pictures in my head.
That's why my green is feeling grey
Sometimes even frogs have rainy days.
Remember when the stage caved in while you were rocking out?
Who'd have thought your smorgasbord would be hard to live without?
If we could do it all again, just another chance to entertain
Would anybody watch or even care?
Or did something break we can't repair?
Your cannonball trajectory, it always gave me hope.
They may have been un'bear'able but I still loved your jokes
Is there more I could have said?
Now they're only pictures in my head.
Fozzie: I didn't do it, I've been framed! Ah! Wocka wocka!
Gonzo: Gonzo the Great will ride this baby again!
Swedish Chef: Des ferda shun do urg es furn de chicken!
Dr. Teeth: This staccato tune has posolutely most transparantly bringin' me down.
Janice: For sure!
Dr. Teeth: One, two and a half...
Muppets: Could we do it all again, make them laugh like we did then?
Swedish Chef: (subtitles appear: On the stage where we belong)
Muppets: We could harmonize for one more song,
Kermit: But I'm standing here instead.
Now they're only pictures in my head
(The Muppets got the RV van ready and they drove down the road)
(INT. MADISON SQUARE GARDEN, NEW YORK CITY – NIGHT. In the restroom of the Madison Square Garden, voices could be heard in the background)
Blanko: (O.S.) (curiously) Hey, Pound, are you sure this plan is going to work?
Pound: (O.S.) Of course, it will, Blanko! Don't worry, I saved up some money from Moron Mountain and it's enough to get us into the New York Knicks game. That way, we shall get our first two victims.
(The Nerdlucks all stood on each other's shoulders as they put on a large trenchcoat and a hat. They decided to act like a normal person, so nobody could realize that there were actually little aliens inside)
Pound: All right. Now, let's get out there and see how basketball is really played!
(The Nerdlucks walked outside to watch the game between the New York Knicks and Phoenix Suns)
(INT. STADIUM, MADISON SQUARE GARDEN – NIGHT. Everyone was cheering as the game was played. It was in the middle of the second quarter, and things began to heat up between the Phoenix Suns and New York Knicks. The Suns were leading and Knicks by six points. As the audience urged the players on, a tall figure tried to find a seat. This "figure" was the Nerdlucks)
POUND: Excuse me. Oh, so sorry.
NAWT: Excuse me.
(The Nerdlucks sat down next to a couple)
BUPKUS: Ow. Get your feet out of my nose.
BANG: Quiet, they're looking.
(Nawt looked up to see the game)
NAWT: Hey, it's basketball.
BANG: Where?
BLANKO: Whoa. Now what?
(During the game, as CHARLES BARKLEY made another shot, and the FEMALE FAN saw the Nerdlucks inside the coat, Nawt began to warn them)
NAWT: Hey, hey!
POUND: What?
NAWT: She's looking again.
BUPKUS: Close it up.
(He closed the jacket up)
Blanko: Tightly.
(They closed it tightly, accidentally stepping on Pound inside the coat)
POUND: You poked me again.
(NERDLUCKS GRUNTING)
Female Fan: Sweetheart?
Male Fan: What?
Female Fan: I thought you'd get better seats.
Male Fan: This is as good as I could get.
Female Fan: This guy next to me is doing something very weird in his raincoat.
Male Fan: Honey, will you just let me watch the game? Barkley killing us.
(This suddenly caught Bang's attention)
Bang: Hey, someone's killing someone.
Blanko: No. Seriously?
POUND: Wow, a killer. Let me see.
(The Nerdlucks saw Charles Barkley on the basketball court)
Nawt: There. That's him, the killer. He's big.
Blanko: He's good.
Pound: He's mine.
NAWT: Okay, go get him.
POUND: Yeah.
(With that, Pound changed into a puddle of goo as he went up to Charles Barkley, and went inside of him to take his talents)
Danny Ainge: Get back on defense. Let's go. Get back on defense, man.
(PATRICK EWING then made a dunk as Charles Barkley's coach and fellow teammates were wondering what was going on with him)
Paul Westphal: What are you doing?
(He ended up acting so weird that the coach had to call a timeout)
Paul Westphal: Time out. Call a time out.
(The Suns went to the bench for the 30-second time-out)
Danny Ainge: What's wrong with you, man? You're killing us.
(Meanwhile, the Nerdlucks opened up the coat)
Nawt: Let him in. Open up.
Blanko: Open.
(Pound got Charles Barkley's talent into the basketball)
BUPKUS: Wow. He did it.
(When Pound got out of the basketball, it was glowing)
Pound: I got it. I got his talent.
Bupkus: All right.
Blanko: Super.
(The Phoenix Suns' coach sat Charles Barkley down)
Paul Westphal: Sit down, Chuck.
Charles: Man, I'm fine. I am fine.
Paul Westphal: No, no. I played you too many minutes.
Charles: But I'm not tired.
Paul Westphal: Go get the doctor.
(Patrick Ewing was making good progress on the court. However, Bang was up next as he went up inside of him, and took his talent as well)
Alonzo Mourning: What's up, man? You all right?
Patrick: Yeah.
Alonzo Mourning: You sure?
(His teammates were wondering if he was okay, and Patrick Ewing gave them an OK)
Alonzo Mourning: Come on, we're okay. You're okay. Come on, let's go.
(As Bang went back to the Nerdlucks, he got Patrick Ewing's talent into the basketball)
Bang: Yes!
Pound: Who's next on the list, Nawt?
(Nawt looked at the list and checked off Patrick Ewing's name)
Nawt: Well, according to this list, it looks like we still need to get the talents of Larry Johnson, Muggsy Bogues, and Shawn Bradley.
Pound: Perfect!
(He put the basketball into a random gym bag)
Pound: Let's go get those talents.
(The Nerdlucks all nodded as they left the stadium to go get the remaining basketball players. Meanwhile, Patrick Ewing's teammates helped him to the free-throw line as the referee passed him the ball, and it hit him on his head)
NBA Referee: Come on, Patrick, it's showtime.
(He passed Patrick Ewing the ball again)
MAN: What's wrong with him?
(When Patrick finally caught the ball and attempted to shoot it, it didn't even go to the hoop, let alone going near the rim or even the backboard. Instead, the basketball ended up hitting the popcorn guy in the bleachers, making him fall down)
(INT. BEDROOM – DAY. The next day...)
Ahmad Rashad: (On TV) In a shocking development, five NBA players have been placed on the disabled list in the last 24 hours, all suffering from the same mysterious ailment.
(Melinda walked into the room, wrapped in the towel)
Ahmad Rashad: (On TV) Whatever this mystery is, it affects the player's coordination.
(She watched the news about the NBA players)
Melinda: Yeah, I'm watching it right now.
Ahmad Rashad: (On TV) Watch Patrick Ewing.
Melinda: Put your mom on the phone.
(On TV, Patrick Ewing is hit on the head by the ball)
Ahmad Rashad: (On TV) It wasn't just in New York.
Melinda: Hey, baby. How you doing?
Ahmad Rashad: (On TV) Check out the highlights.
Melinda: You watching TV?
(She saw that Muggsy Bogues is fumbling all over the court as if he's a football player fumbling the pigskin)
Charlotte Coach: What the hell is going on?
(Next, Larry Johnson sits on a bench)
Charlotte Coach: You gonna be all right?
Larry: I'm ready, coach. All right.
(He tries to drink but there's no water)
Melinda: Looks like I retired just in time.
(Suddenly, Melinda heard a knock at the door)
Melinda: All right, baby, gotta go. I'll call you later, okay? Love you. Bye. It's open!
(The door opened, and Tulip peeked her head through the door)
Tulip: Come on, tonight's the masquerade ball. And tomorrow's game time. Get your Hanes on. Lace up your Nikes. Grab your Wheaties and your Gatorade and we'll pick up a Big Mac on the way.
Ahmad Rashad: (On TV) Now we take you live to the Forum in Los Angeles, where the Lakers are refusing to take the court.
(INT. LOCKER ROOM, GREAT WESTERN FORUM – DAY. The Los Angeles Lakers were refusing to dress up in their locker room because of what happened to the other NBA players over the past two days. They were about to leave until their coach stopped them)
Del Harris: Guys, we gotta get dressed. We got a game in five minutes. I mean, we're talking about a huge fine here.
Vlade Divac: No, we can't go in the locker room.
Del Harris: Oh, man.
Cedric Ceballos: You heard what happened to Barkley and Ewing. There's germs in there.
Del Harris: Cedric, that was in New York, 3000 miles away.
Cedric Ceballos: Bacteria can travel faster than the speed of light.
Vlade Divac: It could be Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
PLAYER: Yeah, could be.
Del Harris: Alright, just dress in the hallway.
PLAYERS: Okay.
(The Lakers all put gas masks on their faces as they began to change into their uniforms for the upcoming game. Meanwhile, with the Muppets and the Nerdlucks ...)
(EXT. BASKETBALL COURT, LOS ANGELES – DAY. They were in the middle of the road trip to Disneyland Resort. We stopped at the basketball court, practicing for their upcoming game. While Rowlf, Dr. Teeth, Lew Zealand, Beaker, Floyd, Scooter, Janice, Camilla, Pepé, Rizzo, and Animal sat on the bench, Kermit jumped up, shot the basketball, and it went through the net. He caught the ball, and dribbled it to his fellow Muppets)
Kermit: Okay, okay, now, which one of you maroons has ever played basketball before?
(While Kermit asked this question to the Muppets, only some of them raised their hands)
Scooter: Well, at least some of us did. I'm not sure if some of your fellow Muppet colleagues have played this sport before.
Rizzo: Honestly, I don't know if they did. I think Kermit may have been more aware of this sport for quite a while since he does have his traces back to New York.
Floyd: Yeah, so it would make sense that he would be aware of playing basketball.
(The other Muppets just stared at the famous frog in confusion until Gonzo popped up from out of nowhere)
Gonzo: I have, coach. And there's an important strategic question I need to ask you.
Kermit: Yes, yes?
(Suddenly, a random fashion stage appeared right out of nowhere, and Gonzo began to model in various sports clothing, some of them for women. He later had a ridiculous purple and gold jersey on, one that was reminiscent to the Los Angeles Lakers)
Gonzo: What do you think? I'm kind of partial to purple and gold myself. It goes better with my coloring. A one, two, three, four.
(He then proceeded to show his clothes off to everyone, with Kermit rolling his eyes at him while Janice stepped down from the stage and smirked at Kermit)
Janice: See, Kermit, at least Gonzo was, like, willing to try out this beauty pageant idea.
(Kermit just looked at Janice)
Kermit: Janice, for the last time, we are playing a game of basketball against the Nerdlucks! Besides, a beauty pageant would not be as exciting as a basketball game. You have to think about what the audience may think, you know. Break the fourth wall. I can tell you, folks, basketball games can be pretty amazing compared to stuff like that.
(Suddenly, Scooter came into the scene)
Scooter: Guys?
(Scooter then looked at Gonzo wearing the ridiculous basketball gear)
Scooter: What a nice outfit, Gonzo. (To Kermit) The little aliens say it's their turn to, uh, use the court.
(Scooter then pointed to the Nerdlucks, who had their gymbag ready as they did some exercises, but they wasn't doing them too well)
Kermit: Sure, let the little pipsqueaks knock themselves out.
(They walked away with the Muppets)
(The Muppets were confident that they were going to win this basketball game, since the Nerdlucks looked short, weak, and talentless)
Sweetums: Yeah, even if they got the talents of five different star players from the NBA, as if that actually happened, we would still beat them anyway.
(He caught up with the rest of the Muppets)
(The Nerdlucks felt insulted by Sweetums' comment, but they were ready to bring out their own secret weapon)
Fozzie: Too bad you can't practice getting taller, boys.
(He put a towel around his neck and caught up with the rest of the Muppets. As they walked away, a storm was starting, and dark clouds began to form in the sky)
Pound: Oh, yeah? Well, that's what you think, you group of Muppets. Are you guys ready?
(Bang and Pound held up the gymbag, and smiled deviously at each other. As they took out the glowing basketball, each of the Nerdlucks touched the ball, and felt a sudden burst of energy coming through them)
BUPKUS: Whoa!
NAWT: Ah!
(Their eyes opened wide as they began to transform. The Muppets all heard them, and stopped, turning around to see what was with the Nerdlucks)
(Next, Pound felt some power coming to him, as he began to grow muscles, and become bigger. He seemed to have gotten Charles Barkley's powers)
(Blanko saw this, and noticed his shoes growing bigger, as he zoomed up to the top with a roar. He looked like Shawn Bradley, another NBA star that the Nerdlucks stole the talents from)
(Then, Bang began to have a dragon-like transformation as his spine began to grow, and, when his eyes began to change, he roared up into the air. He shared a physical resemblance to Patrick Ewing, who was one of the first players that lost their talent to the Nerdlucks)
(After a while, the Nerdlucks had all changed into big-time superstars as they had blue-and-yellow basketball jersey with the number "0" on them)
(All of the Muppets looked in shock as they began to see the new, improved, and scarier Nerdlucks. They all looked like NBA stars, considering their new tall heights. The tall aliens all stood tall while posing threateningly, looking down at the Muppets. Blanko bent down to look at Scooter)
Blanko: Hey, little boy.
(He went up to Scooter's face)
Blanko: Boo.
Scooter: Aah!
(He looked down at himself, and began to blush)
Scooter: I wet myself.
(All of the aliens laughed at the gofer as Bang picked up the basketball that Kermit had earlier)
Bang: Time to play a little basketball.
(He threw the basketball hard at the ground, causing earthquake that went around Gonzo, Fozzie, Scooter, Rowlf, Dr. Teeth, Floyd, and Lew Zealand. As the earthquake occured, Lew Zealand grabbed Dr. Teeth and Floyd for protection as the others were still shivering)
Gonzo: Those little pipsqueaks just turned into superstars.
Rizzo: They used to be cute, little aliens. Now, they're as tall as the Empire State Building!
Floyd: Oh, man, I knew it was a bad idea to underestimate foes like them!
Scooter: They're monsters.
Fozzie: Wait, superstars. Monsters. That means that they're...
(Rowlf got in between Gonzo, Fozzie, and Scooter)
Rowlf: Suffering succotash. They're MonStars.
Pound: Hey, thanks for the new team name, you pathetic Muppets. The Moron Mountain MonStars; that sounds pretty cool.
Bupkus: Hey, you wanna go on a rampage all over town?
(He wants to wreak havoc all over Los Angeles)
Pound: That's a good idea, Bupkus! Come on, boys!
(Bang then popped the basketball as the MonStars walked away from the frightened Muppets as some buildings began to collapse)
Bang: Bye-bye.
(While the other Muppets were still shivering in fright, Kermit the Frog was the only one calm about this, and turned to the audience)
Kermit: Uh, you know something, folks? I think we might need a little bit of help.
(INT. LOCAL GYMNASIUM – DAY. While the Muppets were all thinking about what to do with the newly-talented Nerdlucks (aka the MonStars), the MonStars were busy practicing for the upcoming basketball game against the Muppets. While they were excited about easily defeating the Muppets, they were wondering if stealing the talents from five NBA players was worth it in the end)
(The MonStars were all wearing hooded sweatshirts as they laughed evilly while Nawt began to sing the song's intro)
Nawt: Greetings, earthlings, we have now taken over your radio!
(The MonStars all began to laugh evilly as they started to hum as the rap music began to play in the background as they began to sing their own anthem)
MonStars: If I hit 'em high, hit 'em high, hit 'em high,
And, you hit 'em low, hit 'em low, hit 'em low
If I hit 'em high, hit 'em high, hit 'em high
And, you hit 'em low, hit 'em low, hit 'em low
(Bang used a basketball to dunk it through one of the hoops as he started to rap his verse)
Bang: Goin' straight through the hole
You ain't got no game
I'm breakin' ya out the frame
Comin' through like a train
Blanko: Lookin' to take over the world is my goal
With my unstoppable crew takin' all control
You can't get none of this, we're runnin' this
Well-taker, Earth shaker, 3-point gunnin' this
Get out the lane, I'm comin' through
And, if you don't wanna move, then I'm comin' right through you
Bupkus: It's like inch-by-inch, and step-by-step
I'm closing in on your position, and destruction is my mission
Though, eight is not enough, your whole squad better duck
It's like switch when I bust
Now, your whole crew is dust
Pound: Comin' through my area, I'mma have to bury ya
The real scream team on your scream scene
It's like showdown on the range
Go tell me who wanna tangle with the
Ghetto witch-doctor neighborhood superhero?
(Nawt tossed the ball into the hoop, making a 3-point shot, then he joined up with the other MonStars as they began to perform the chorus)
MonStars: We want it all (want it all!)
Unstoppable, we run the floor (run the floor!)
You can't take none of this hardcore (hardcore!)
In the game, we take you to war (war!)
You ain't seen nothin' like this before
If I hit 'em high, hit 'em high, hit 'em high
And, you hit 'em low, hit 'em low, hit 'em low
If I hit 'em high, hit 'em high, hit 'em high
And, you hit 'em low, hit 'em low, hit 'em low
(Pound was busy shooting the ball)
Pound: Hey, guys, do you think this was a good idea?
(The other MonStars just looked at Pound)
Bang: What do you mean by that, Pound?
Nawt: I think he means it just doesn't feel right that we had to steal the talent from five different NBA players. Besides, if any of the Muppets found out about that, everyone would hate us, even if we make an attempt to become better people in the end.
Blanko: You know what? Nawt's right, dudes. Sure, the Muppets may have underestimated us when we were only small, but was it really necessary to go to these lengths just to win a simple basketball challenge?
Bang: Well, what are we going to do? We already laid down the basketball challenge for the Muppets, so if we forfeit from the challenge, Principal Robert's going to be mad.
Nawt: (SIGHS) You know, I guess we would just have to roll with it and just play this basketball game.
Pound: Yeah, besides, we have to stick to the plot of this movie.
(He turned to the audience)
Pound: Also, we are actually regretting this. We are just sticking to these because that's what the script says.
Blanko: But, what are we going to do if the Muppets find out about us doing this?
Nawt: I don't know. I have a feeling they may be upset about it and feel like we did this because we wanted to win this game so badly. In actuality, it was because Principal Robert really wanted them to be the new mascots for Moron Mountain."
Pound: Alright, let's continue our practice regimen.
(With that, the MonStars continued to practice for the upcoming basketball challenge, feeling a sense of guilt because of the underhanded tactics they used to win the challenge and make the Muppets their new slaves to revive Moron Mountain and put the theme park back on top)
(INT. EL CAPITAN THEATRE – NIGHT. Meanwhile, with the Muppets, they were trying to figure out what to do now since the Nerdlucks became the tough and terrifying MonStars. While the construction crew of Los Angeles was fixing the basketball court, the Muppets were in the theatre, talking about what to do in order to defeat the MonStars)
Kermit: Okay, everyone, it appears the little aliens have suddenly become basketball superstars. Does anyone have any ideas on how we are going to deal with them?"
(Janice raised her hand)
Janice: Listen, we should just, like, have a beauty pageant.
(Kermit just face-palmed himself and everyone in the audience groaned)
Janice: Oh, come on, guys! I don't see what is, totally like, wrong with dressing up and strutting your stuff. I think it would be rather entertaining.
Dr. Teeth: Janice, like Floyd said earlier, you already won a beauty pageant before. Besides, the MonStars would be pretty angry and annoyed if we tried to put them in makeup and random fashionable clothes.
(Janice just rolled her eyes as Scooter raised his hand)
Scooter: Well, why don't we re-open the Ghostbusters agency you, Gonzo, Fozzie and I used to run? That seemed to be pretty successful.
Fozzie: Well, I wish I could, Scooter. However, it was getting pretty expensive to keep the business up and running. Also, I would highly doubt our ghostbusting prowess would defeat the MonStars.
Scooter: Well, you got a point there, Fozzie.
Sam the Eagle: Well, since we already challenged them to a basketball game, why don't call up a famous basketball player from the real world to help us defeat those guys?
(The idea went around in everyone's heads)
Kermit: You know something, Sam? That sounds like a pretty good idea!
(The Muppets all agreed, except for Gonzo)
Gonzo: Wait just a minute here! Why are we talking about basketball at a time like this? How is playing a basketball game going to stop the MonStars?
Floyd: Gonzo, what makes you think it won't work?
(Gonzo just rolled his eyes while Kermit took out his cellphone)
Kermit: Everyone, I'll be right back. I got to make a special call to one of our allies.
Rizzo: Who are you going to call, Kermit?
Kermit: Simple.
Rizzo: Wow.
(EXT. STREET, LOS ANGELES – DAY. The Disney reporter, HORACE HORSECOLLAR walks down the sidewalk and bumps into Principal Robert. Principal Robert was wondering the same thing about the reporter. Startled at first, he quickly noticed the Disney emblem on the paper)
Principal Robert: A Disney reporter. What happened to my minions?
(The Disney Patrol rarely came around this area of the forest, not since–)
Principal Robert: Kermit. Kermit!
(In a panic, Principal Robert turned and ran back toward the apartment where Kermit and the Muppets stay)
(EXT. PENTHOUSE, APARTMENT – DAY. When he got there, he called out)
Principal Robert: Kermit! Let down your ladder! Kermit?
(He ran to the entrance and climbed the elevator. Bursting through the wall, he looked around the penthouse)
Principal Robert: Kermit? Kermit the Frog!
(It was just as he feared. The penthouse was empty. Then he saw a ticket. He opened the envelope and reads it)
(EXT. NEW ORLEANS SQUARE, DISNEYLAND PARK – DAY. The crowds on the streets were starting to come to life. The lights and music dazzled Prince Marleen. Lawrence tried to keep up, but the bags was slowing him down, and he kept losing Marleen in the noisy bustle)
Lawrence: Excuse me!
(He bumps into people)
Citizen: You need a hand there, buddy?
(Lawrence heard a street band playing loudly in the distance. He spotted a large group gathered on a corner and pushed his way through. In the center of the crowd, Marleen was playing his ukulele and dancing up a storm)
Marleen: (EXCLAIMING)
(Lawrence, sweating and exhausted, moved closer to Marleen)
Lawrence: Sire! I've been looking for you everywhere.
Marleen: What a coincidence, Lawrence. I have been avoiding you everywhere.
Lawrence: We're going to be late for the masquerade.
Marleen: Listen, Lawrence, listen.
(He hears jazz music)
Marleen: It's jazz. It's jazz music. It was born here. Is beautiful, no? Dance with me, fat bear. Stay loose, Lawrence!
Lawrence: We supposed to be at the LaBouff estate by now!
Marleen: Yes, yes, yes, but first I buy everyone here a drink!
Lawrence: With what? At this point you have two choices, woo and marry a rich young lady or get a job!
(He points at the glow light stick vendor)
Marleen: All right. Fine. But first we dance!
(He dances with Lawrence)
Lawrence: No, this is idiocy!
Marleen: For someone who cannot see his feet, you're very light on them!
(He spun Lawrence in the air. Lawrence twirled around and stumbled, landing with his head lodged squarely inside a tuba)
Marleen: Is perfect! You finally got into the music. Do you get my joke? Because your head is... It's in the tuba.
Lawrence: (inside tuba) Get me out!
Marleen: All right. Hold on. One...
(He yanked on the short man's legs. Lawrence's head popped out of the tuba and he and the prince went sprawling to the sidewalk)
Lawrence: How degrading! I've never been so humiliated.
(A dark shadow suddenly fell over Lawrence and Prince Marleen. The frog prince looked up and squinted. Dr. Facilier bowed)
Dr. Facilier: Gentlemen! (GREETS IN FRENCH) A tip of a hat from Dr. Facilier. How y'all doing?
(Like a stage magician's trick, a business card suddenly appeared in Dr. Facilier's fingers)
(Prince Marleen stared wide-eyed at it. The card read:)
Marleen: "Tarot readings, charms, potions. Dreams made real." (EXCLAIMS)
(Dr. Facilier motioned for Marleen to follow her down a dark alley)
Dr. Facilier: Were I a betting man, and I'm not, I stay away from games of chance…
LAWRENCE: Sire!
Dr. Facilier: I'd wager I'm in the company of visiting royalty.
Marleen: Lawrence. Lawrence! This remarkable gentleman has just read my palm.
Lawrence: Or this morning's newspaper. (SOFTLY) Sire! This chap is obviously a charlatan. I suggest we move on to a less...
(Dr. Facilier shot Lawrence a withering glance, and Lawrence felt her spine turn to jelly)
Dr. Facilier: (SINGING) Don't you disrespect me, little man!
Don't you derogate or deride!
You're in my world now, not your world
(Dr. Facilier waved his cane toward his shop. A glowing purple sign suddenly lit the alley. Dr. Facilier, his face long and hollow in the pale purple light, unlocked the weathered door and invited them inside)
Dr. Facilier: And I got friends on the other side!
(Lawrence and Prince Marleen thought they heard voices–ghostly voices–coming from inside the shop. But the frog prince eagerly stepped in. He was too excited by the wonder of it all to be cautious–and that was what worried Lawrence)
Shadow Demons: He's got friends on the other side
(INT. VOODOO EMPORIUM – DAY. Inside Dr. Facilier's dimly lit shop, Lawrence and Prince Marleen made their way past dusty shelves lined with mysterious jars that contained unidentifiable liquids and gruesome objects. Lawrence and Prince Marleen started to feel uncomfortable. The room was creepy and dark, filled with strange collections of candles, cards, and other weird items. Dr. Facilier's shadow slipped along the wall and quickly took their hats as unsettling sounds drifted through the room)
(Marleen and Lawrence exchanged a nervous glance)
Dr. Facilier: That's an echo, gentlemen. Just a little something we have here in Anaheim. A little parlor trick, don't worry.
(Then, with a wave of his hand, light from an old lamp on a round table illuminated the room. Dr. Facilier sat his guests down. He showed off his potions and bizarre masks on the wall as the ghostly voices began a quiet song)
Dr. Facilier: Sit down at my table
Put your minds at ease
If you relax it will enable me to do
Anything I please
I can read your future
I can change it around some, too
I'll look deep into your heart and soul
(You do have a soul, don't you, Lawrence?)
Make your wildest dreams come true!
I got voodoo, I got hoodoo,
I got things I ain't even tired!
And I got friends on the other side!
Shadow Demons: He's got friends on the other side!
(With a snap of his fingers, a deck of cards appeared in Dr. Facilier's hand. The doctor fanned the cards enticingly and told Lawrence and Marleen to pick three each)
Dr. Facilier: The cards, the cards, the cards will tell
The past, the present, and the future as well!
The cards, the cards, just take three
Take a little trip into your future with me!
(Marleen was delighted. They were going to have their fortunes read!)
(Ooh, ooh)
(Dr. Facilier turned over Prince Marleen's first card and looked at it carefully. Marleen was mesmerized as Dr. Facilier told him that he came from a long line of royalty. The frog prince nodded eagerly. Dr. Facilier turned over the second card and shook his head sorrowfully. The card showed a royal who loved the good life but had no money)
Dr. Facilier: Now you, young man, are from across the sea
You come from two long lines of royalty
(I'm a royal myself, on my mother's side.)
Your lifestyle's high, but your funds are low
You need to marry a li'l honey whose daddy got dough!
Mom and Dad cut you off, huh playboy?
Marleen: Yeah, sad but true.
(Dr. Facilier leaned back in his chair and considered the problem. Then, just for a moment, the cards in the deck turned green. A twinkle lit in Dr. Facilier's dark eyes as he told Marleen that there would be lots of green in their future. The frog prince was thrilled at the thought of regaining his wealth)
Dr. Facilier: Now y'all are gotta get hitched, but hitching ties you down. You just wanna be free, hop from place to place. But freedom takes green!
(Dr. Facilier turned over Prince Marleen's last card. It showed a prince living green from work and happy all the time. It was everything Marleen wanted!)
Dr. Facilier: It's the green, it's the green, it's the green you need
And when I looked into your future
It's the green that I seen!
(The grinning witch doctor turned to Lawrence)
Dr. Facilier: On you little man, I don't want to waste much time
You been pushed around all your life
(Dr. Facilier flipped over the valet's first two cards. Lawrence stared as Dr. Facilier told him that the cards showed he'd been bossed and pushed around all his life)
Dr. Facilier: You been pushed around by your mother and your sister and your brother.
And if you was married, you'd be pushed around by your wife
(Lawrence glared at the frog prince)
(With a gleam in his eye, Dr. Facilier turned the last card for Lawrence to see. It showed a much brighter future for him–with the valet as the royal and Prince Marleen carrying his luggage. Lawrence was suddenly very excited)
Dr. Facilier: But in your future, the you I see
Is exactly the man you always wanted to be!
(Dr. Facilier stood and held out his bony hand. Lawrence jumped to his feet and shook it hard)
Dr. Facilier: Shake my hand. Come on, boys. Won't you shake a poor sinner's hand?
(Prince Marleen hesitated for a moment, but then Dr. Facilier flashed another smile, and the frog prince shook hands, as well. The deal was sealed. Dr. Facilier would bring "green" to Prince Marleen and respect to Lawrence)
Dr. Facilier: Yes!
(The room suddenly came alive with the sound of drums. All the masks on the walls seemed to be moving as Dr. Facilier reached his hand into one of the larger masks and pulled out a strange little talisman. Dr. Facilier's terrifying shadow danced on its own against the wall. The voices in the room were singing wildly now)
Dr. Facilier: Are you ready?
Shadow Demons: Are you ready?
Dr. Facilier: Are you ready?
Transformation central!
Shadow Demons: Transformation central!
Dr. Facilier: Reformation central!
Shadow Demons: Reformation central!
Dr. Facilier: Transmogrification central!
Can you feel it?
(Prince Marleen sat frozen as he felt the room begin to spin. Two powerful spirit snakes wrapped around his arms and held him tight as Dr. Facilier brushed the talisman against the frog's fingertips. To Marleen's horror, the room spun faster and faster, and the ghostly voices grew louder and louder. What was happening?)
Dr. Facilier: You're changing, you're changing, you're changing, all right!
I hope you're satisfied
But if you ain't, don't blame me!
You can blame my friends on the other side!
(Ha ha ha!)
Shadow Demons: You got what you wanted
But you lost what you had!
Ohh...
All: Hush...
(EXT. BALLROOM, LABOUFF ESTATE – NIGHT. The masquerade ball was just getting under way. The estate was aglow with colored lanterns and party balloons. Melinda, wearing a medical costume, was busy serving beignets to the happy guests. All of Disneyland Resort was there, decked out in their most lavish costumes)
(Big Daddy, dressed as a Roman emperor, found his way to Melinda's serving table. He noticed that someone else had gotten to it first)
Big Daddy: Senator Johnson. Hey, Jimmy. I hope you're leaving some of them beignets for your constituents.
(The two guys walked off)
Melinda: Here you go, piping hot.
(Lily's bloodhound, GLADYS, put her paws up on the table)
Melinda: Gladys. Excuse me. Gladys, no. No.
Gladys: (WHINING)
(Melinda remembered the day years earlier when Big Daddy had pulled the tiny puppy out of his kennel and had given her to a surprised Lily)
Melinda: (LAUGHS) Okay, but just one.
(She tosses the dog a beignet)
(Not far away, Lily anxiously paced among the partygoers. She was dressed as a fairy-tale princess, complete with a diamond crown. She was ignoring all her guests as her eyes searched the dance floor for her prince)
(Otis asked her if she'd care to dance)
Otis: But, Miss Lily, you said "later," two hours ago.
Lily: Otis, when a woman says "later," she really means "not ever." Now run along. There are plenty of young fillies dying for you to waltz them into a stupor.
(Lily escorted Otis to the dance floor, then drifted toward Melinda's table)
Lily: Give me the napkins, quick!
Melinda: What on earth for?
(Lily tried to discreetly blot her armpits)
Lily: I swear, I'm sweating like a sinner in church.
(She'd waited a few days and the prince had not arrived)
Lily: Millie, it's getting to be so late!
Melinda: There's still a few stragglers.
Lily: It's just not fair! My prince is never coming!
Melinda: Now, Lily...
Lily: I never get anything I wish for!
(Lily tore the crown off her head and dashed up toward the door)
Melinda: Lily, wait! Just calm down. Take a deep...
(Melinda caught up with Lily on the balcony)
Lily: Maybe I just got to wish harder.
(She is choking back her tears)
(She looked up at the Evening Star, closed her eyes tight, and wished as hard as she could)
Lily: Please, please, please, please, please, please!
Melinda: Lily, you can't just wish on a star and expect things...
(The sound of a trumpet suddenly interrupted them)
PAGE: Ladies and gentlemen! His Royal Highness, Prince Marleen!
(Lily and Melinda turned to see the curtains part as a tall, handsome man dressed in a striking uniform walked into the stage. Melinda could not believe what she was seeing. Was Lily's wish coming true?)
(As for Lily, it all made sense to her. She quickly put her crown on and fixed her makeup. She whistled for a spotlight and tossed a handful of glitter around herself)
(Prince Marleen noticed her immediately. The shimmering spotlight followed Lily as she eagerly rushed down the grand staircase. The frog prince took her gloved hand when she reached the last step and, in a cloud of billowing pink silk, swept her onto the dance floor)
(Melinda returned to her beignet stand and watched as they magically glided over the marble floor. She sighed)
(An old man dressed in a horse costume approached her)
Statler: Evening Melinda.
(Then a voice came from the back end of the horse)
Statler: Marvelous party.
Melinda: Good evening, Statler and Waldorf.
Waldorf: Fine-smelling beignets.
Melinda: Going to be the house specialty once I sign those papers y'all brought.
Statler: Yes. About that.
Waldorf: You were outbid.
Melinda: What?
Statler: A fellow came in, offered the full amount in cash. Unless you can top his offer by Wednesday...
Waldorf: You can kiss that place goodbye.
Melinda: You know how long it took me to save that money?
(Statler removed his horse head and took a beignet from the table)
Statler: Exactly! Which is why a little woman of your background would have had her hands full trying to run a big business like that. No, you're better off where you're at.
Melinda: Now, wait a minute. We had an agreement.
(Waldorf at the back end stuffed at least a dozen beignets into his costume)
Waldorf: Love those beignets, though.
(They heckle and began to trot away)
Melinda: Now, hold on there!
(She reaches out to grasp the horse's tail, trying to get the old men to talk to her)
Melinda: You come back... (YELPS)
(But the tail came off in her hand)
(She staggered backward and fell onto her serving table. As the table collapsed, trays of beignets crashed to the ground, ruining Melinda's dress and what was left of her good mood)
(All atwitter, Lily left the dance floor)
Lily: Millie! Time to hit Prince Charming with those man-catching...
(Then she noticed the broken table and poor Melinda's stained dress)
Lily: What happened?
Melinda: I... I just...
Lily: You poor dear. (To Prince Marleen) Oh, Prince Marleen, I'll be right back, sugar! (To Melinda) I got just the dress for you.
(INT. BEDROOM, LILY'S MANSION – NIGHT. Lily pulled out a beautiful gown for her friend)
(Melinda stepped behind a screen and began to change. Lily was bubbling with excitement about meeting the prince of her dreams at last)
Lily: Millie, honey, did you see the way he danced with me? A marriage proposal can't be far behind. Thank you, Evening Star! You know, I was starting to think that wishing on stars was just for babies and crazy people.
(Melinda emerged from behind the screen wearing the new dress. Lily gasped. Melinda looked stunning–like a princess!)
Lily: Look at you. Aren't you just as pretty as a magnolia in May? Seems like only yesterday we were both little girls dreaming our fairy tale dreams, and tonight they're finally coming true.
(Lily quickly adjusted her dress and prepared to go back to the party. She didn't notice the sad expression on Melinda's face. Her dream had just been crushed)
Lily: Well, back in the fray. Wish me luck! Oh, Marleen...
(Disappointed with her own luck, Melinda picked up her soiled dress and pulled out the flyer for the restaurant before she wandered out to the balcony)
Melinda: (SINGING) Almost
Almost There
People would have come from everywhere
I was almost there.
(She looked up at the Evening Star)
Melinda: I cannot believe I'm doing this.
(She closed her eyes and folded her hands)
Melinda: Please, please, please.
(Sighing, she realized how ridiculous it was to wish on a star. She opened her eyes and blinked hard. A tiny frog was sitting on the railing, staring at her)
Melinda: Very funny.
(If this were some silly joke about wishing on a star and then having a frog prince appear, ready to be turned back into a human)
Melinda: So what now? I reckon you want a kiss?
(A sly look came over the frog's face)
Marleen: Kissing would be nice, yes?
(The frog had just spoken! In English! Melinda jumped and screamed. She staggered back into the bedroom, knocking over shelves of toys and storybooks)
Marleen: I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I did not mean to scare you. I...
(Melinda grabbed a stuffed bear)
Marleen: Wait, no, no, no! Wait. Hold on a sec...
(She hurled the bear at him, barely missing him)
Marleen: You have a very strong arm, Princess.
(Melinda grabbed another stuffed animal, ready to attack)
Marleen: Okay, please! Put the monkey down.
(Melinda grabbed a storybook. This time, she hit her mark)
Melinda: Stay back or I'll...
(Marleen hopped onto the bed)
Marleen: Please, please, please. (GRUNTS) Oh, wow. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Prince Marleen
(The book slammed down on top of the frog)
Marleen: (WEAKLY) of Maldonia.
Melinda: Prince? But I didn't wish for any... Hold on. If you're the prince, then who was that waltzing with Lily on the dance floor?
Marleen: All I know is one minute I am a prince, charming and handsome, cutting a rug, and then the next thing I know, I am tripping over these.
(He lifted a green webbed feet. Melinda held up the book, ready to slam it down again)
Marleen: Wait, wait, wait, wait! I knew this story!
(He sees the title on the cover)
(MARLEEN EXCLAIMS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
(Melinda looked at the cover. It was the fairy tale about the girl who had kissed a frog and turned him into a prince)
Melinda: The Frog Prince?
(Melinda had loved that story–right up until the kissing part. Who would kiss a frog?)
Marleen: Yes! My mother had the servants read this to me every night. Yes, yes, yes! This is exactly the answer! You must kiss me.
Melinda: Excuse me?
Marleen: You will enjoy, I guarantee. All women enjoy the kiss of Prince Marleen. Come. We pucker.
(The frog's throat suddenly inflated, making him look ridiculous)
Marleen: That's new.
Melinda: Look, I'm sorry. I'd really like to help you, but I just do not kiss frogs.
Marleen: Wait a sec, but on the balcony, you asked me.
Melinda: I didn't expect you to answer!
Marleen: But you must kiss me. Look, besides being unbelievably handsome, okay, I also happen to come from a fabulously wealthy family. Surely I could offer you some type of reward, a wish I could grant perhaps? Yes?
Melinda: Just one kiss?
Marleen: Just one, unless you beg for more.
(She had worked so hard to get this far. She just needed little bit more money to open the restaurant of her dreams. It might be like a loan that she would pay back)
Melinda: (EXClAIMING IN DISGUST) (SOFTLY) Okay, Melinda, you can do this. You can do this. Just a little kiss. Just a little kiss. Okay.
(She leaned in and gave the frog a small kiss. Melinda suddenly found herself swirling in a cloud of sparks and misty smoke. The last thing she heard was the pop of a magical POOF!)
(When Melinda opened her eyes, all she could see was blue silk–lots of blue silk. She was somehow under a mountain of it)
Marleen: (EXCLAIMS)
(She found her way out and glanced up at the frog, who was on the dresser)
MELINDA: You don't look that much different, but how did you get way up there? And how did I get way down here in all this...
(Melinda turned and suddenly saw herself in Lily's mirror)
Melinda: (SCREAMING)
(Her reflection showed a green human squatting on a blue silk gown! Instead of the frog becoming a human prince, Melinda had become a frog!)
Marleen: Easy, Princess. Princess, do not panic!
Melinda: What did you do to me? I'm green and I'm slimy!
Marleen: No! No, no, no, that is not slime.
Melinda: What?
Marleen: You are secreting mucus.
Melinda: You... You...
(She jumped onto the bed and struggled with Marleen. The two of them tumbled right out the bedroom window)
(EXT. BALLROOM, LABOUFF ESTATE – NIGHT. They landed on a drum in the orchestra below. The drummer hit the cymbal, and Melinda and Marleen were catapulted into the air. They sailed over the heads of the partygoers and down the back of Lily's ball gown)
Lily: (EXCLAIMING)
(The two frogs slid down her spine. She started to squirm. Big Daddy saw Lily wiggle, and shake around the dance floor)
(Then everyone saw the two frogs)
(Big Daddy called to the bloodhound)
Big Daddy: Hey, Gladys! Get them frogs!
Marleen: Run!
Melinda: I can't run. I'm a frog!
Marleen: Then hop!
(He grabbed Melinda and they leaped onto the huge banquet table)
Marleen: Down, boy. Down, monster dog!
(Gladys barreled through the crowd)
MARLEEN: Look out! Out of the way!
MELINDA: Oh, no!
(They hopped across the silver trays of food)
Melinda: Where are we going?
Marleen: Excuse me!
MELINDA: I can't see a thing!
MARLEEN: Neither can I!
(Marleen noticed the balloons decorating the lawn. He quickly a handful of balloon strings and untied them)
Melinda: Wait! Gladys!
Marleen: Going up!
Melinda: Gladys, it's me, Melinda!
Gladys: Melinda?
(Gladys jumped after them but she missed. She landed on the table, sending the cake flying and it landed on Statler and Waldorf)
Melinda: Gladys just talked to me. The dog just spoke to me!
Marleen: You know, if you're going to let every little thing bother you, it's going to be a very long night!
(From behind a statue on the LaBouff estate, Dr. Facilier glared up at the sky. Then he noticed a man running to the hotel's bachelor quarters. It was Prince Marleen–the man who had just been dancing with Lily–except that the guy was really Lawrence)
(It was all part of Dr. Facilier's plan. He had made Lawrence look exactly like the prince. But there was a problem. The talisman Lawrence wore around his neck needed Marleen for its magic to work. Without the magic, Lawrence would look like Lawrence again)
(INT. BACHELOR QUARTERS, LABOUFF ESTATE – NIGHT. Lawrence rushed through the door and threw open a cabinet. He stared at an empty jar on the shelf)
Lawrence: (GASPS) Oh, dear?
(Suddenly, the shadow of Dr. Facilier loomed silently and ominously over him)
Lawrence: Oh! You're so quiet?
(Dr. Facilier glared at the empty jar in a rage. Marleen had escaped)
Dr. Facilier: You let him go!
Lawrence: The poor devil was gasping, so I loosen the lid ever so slightly.
(Dr. Facilier backed Lawrence into a corner as the shadow moved behind him menacingly—and then tripped him)
Shadow: (LAUGHING MALICIOUSLY)
Lawrence: How do I ever get tangled up in all this voodoo madness? I can't go through with this!
(He pulled off the talisman hanging around his neck, and in an instant, he looked like his true self again)
Lawrence: You wear this ghastly thing!
(He threw the talisman)
Dr. Facilier: Careful with that!
(He dove to catch the precious charm before it hit the floor)
Dr. Facilier: Anything happens to this, I'm going to be... Fun fact about voodoo, Larry. Can't conjure a thing for myself. Besides, you and I both know the real power in this world ain't magic. It's money! Buckets of it.
Lawrence: That's true.
Dr. Facilier: Aren't you tired of living on the margins while all those fat cats in their fancy cars don't give you so much as a sideway's glance?
Lawrence: Yes. I am.
(Dr. Facilier held up the talisman and explained that he needed Marleen to power its magic. He replaced the talisman around Lawrence's neck, and Lawrence transformed again into the image of the real Prince Marleen)
Dr. Facilier: All you got to do is marry Big Daddy's little princess, and we'll be splitting that juicy LaBouff fortune right down in the middle. 60-40, like I said.
Lawrence: Hmm. Yeah. But what about Marleen?
Dr. Facilier: Your little slip-up will be a minor bump in the road, so long as we've got the prince's blood in this.
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Lawrence: Yes.
(EXT. JUNGLE CRUISE, ADVENTURELAND, DISNEYLAND – NIGHT. The two frogs floated over Adventureland)
MELINDA: Voodoo?
(A blue mist hung in the air)
Melinda: You mean to tell me this all happened because you were messing with the Shadow Man?
Marleen: He was very charismatic.
Melinda: (GROANS) It serves me right for wishing on stars. The only way to get what you want in this world is through hard work.
Marleen: Hard work? Why would a princess need to work hard?
Melinda: Huh? Oh! I'm not a princess. I'm a waitress.
Marleen: A waitress? Well, no wonder the kiss did not work. You lied to me!
Melinda: No, I... I never said I was a princess.
Marleen: You never said that you were a waitress! You... You were wearing a crown!
(Melinda rolled her eyes)
Melinda: It was a costume party, you spoiled little rich boy!
Marleen: Oh, yes? Well, the egg is on your face, all right? Because I do not have any riches.
Melinda: What?
Marleen: (LAUGHS) I am completely broke!
(Suddenly, they both heard the sound of balloons popping. Prince Marleen looked up)
Marleen: Uh-oh.
(Tree branches poked holes in the few remaining balloons he was holding. The two frogs screamed)
(Melinda fell facedown in the muck. Prince Marleen landed on top of her with a plop)
(Melinda raised her head. Her face was covered with gunk. She struggled to her feet and coughed. But that didn't stop her from continuing to argue)
Melinda: You said you were fabulously wealthy!
Marleen: No. My parents are fabulously wealthy, but they cut me off for being a...
(Marleen suddenly noticed a leech on his leg)
Marleen: Leech! Leech!
(To the tiny frog, the bloodsucker was enormous!)
(Melinda flicked the leech off the horrified prince)
Melinda: You're broke, and you had the gall to call me a liar?
(Marleen was about to answer when a huge catfish jumped out of the water and snatched the leech from the air. Both frogs screamed and scrambled away from the murky swamp and onto the muddy shore. Trying to catch his breath, Marleen leaned on a branch–and continued the argument)
Marleen: It was not a lie. I fully...
(Suddenly, the branch began to move)
(Melinda and Marleen looked up. Two beady eyes were staring down on them. They realized it wasn't a branch Marleen was leaning on. It was the leg of a heron–the biggest, hungriest bird either one had ever seen!)
Melinda: Run!
(Melinda dove at Marleen and knocked him out of the way a split second before the bird's big beak slammed down. The heron raced after them as the two little frogs ran for their lives)
Marleen: I fully intend to be rich again. Once I marry Miss Lily LaBouff. If she will have me.
Melinda: You're a prince?
Marleen: Obviously.
Melinda: She'll have you.
(The heron was about to scoop them up when Melinda and Marleen slid down a tree trunk that reached out over the water. The two soared through the air and landed on a floating log. Finally safe again, they watched in relief as the heron flew away into the blue mist of the bayou, apparently in search of another meal)
(Melinda looked at Marleen)
Melinda: All right, then. Once you two are married, you are going to keep your promise and get me my restaurant, right?
Marleen: Not so fast. I made that promise to a beautiful princess, not a cranky...
(He looked around and noticed something cutting through the water)
Marleen: Why are those logs moving?
(Melinda saw the V shapes)
MELINDA: Those aren't logs.
(They were alligators! Hungry alligators)
Ian the Alligator: (CHUCKLES) I got dibs on the big one.
(Melinda and Marleen dove into the water just as the alligators snapped at the log they were sitting on–a log that was actually another alligator! No wonder the heron had flown away from them!)
(Under the water, Melinda paddled toward the roots of a hollow tree and swam inside. Jumping up inside the tree, she finally found a hole where she could look out. The alligators were still thrashing in search of frogs)
ALLIGATOR 1: Where'd they go?
ALLIGATOR 2: Where'd they go?
ALLIGATOR 3: I saw him first!
ALLIGATOR 4: Come here, you plump, tasty morsel!
ALLIGATOR 3: That's my tail, pea brain!
ALLIGATOR 1: Where did they go? Come on!
MARLEEN: Psst!
(Melinda heard a voice below her. She looked down at the bottom of the tree)
Marleen: Lower the vine.
Melinda: Find your own tree.
(The hissing alligators noticed Marleen on the bank)
Alligator 2: There he is!
Alligator 3: I see him! I see him!
(They began to swim toward him)
Marleen: All right. Look, look. Help me get out of this swamp, and once I marry Lily, I shall get you your restaurant.
Marlon the Alligator: You're going to taste so good basted and battered and fried!
(A vine dropped down in front of him. He climbed up to the dark hollow of the tree)
Marleen: Quick, quick! Pull me up!
ALLIGATOR 1: (LAUGHS) You can hop, but you can't hide.
ALLIGATOR 3: We got all night.
(The rain came down harder and lightning flashed. And inside the tree, the two frogs waited out the storm until they both drifted off to sleep)
MARLEEN: Well, waitress, looks like we're going to be here for a while. So we may as well get comfortable. (GROANS)
MELINDA: Keep your slimy self away from me!
Marleen: I told you, it is not slime! It is mucus!
(EXT. JUNGLE CRUISE, ADVENTURELAND, DISNEYLAND – MORNING. Soon the early rays of the morning sun began to light up the sky. The glow filtered into the tree where Marleen was still fast asleep)
(Melinda was outside building a raft. She had on thing on her mind–to get back to the Happiness Hotel and try to set thing right)
MELINDA: Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty! Gators are gone.
Marleen: What?
Melinda: We got to get back to the Happiness Hotel and undo this mess you got us into.
(Sleepily, Marleen hopped out of the tree and into the boat)
Marleen: I was not the one parading around with a phony-baloney tiara.
(Then he broke a twig off a nearby branch and constructed a makeshift ukulele)
Marleen: Music to paddle by.
Melinda: I could use a little help.
Marleen: Oh! I will play a little louder.
(INT. PENTHOUSE, HAPPINESS HOTEL – DAY. Melinda got out of the bed. Last night, Tulip had her cleaned up. She is back to the fresh, clean, fair human and she is dressed up in the new nightgown. She looks like Wendy Darling)
Melinda: (SINGING) I've got my mother's love
I shouldn't ask for more
I've got so many things
I should be thankful for
Tulip: Yes, I have everything-except, I guess, a door
Perhaps it's better that I stay in
Melinda: But tell me...
Melinda & Tulip (Both): When will my life begin?
(INT. LOBBY, MORON MOUNTAIN – OUTER SPACE. Principal Robert was having some problems of his own. His Moron Mountain theme park was doing even worse than before and not even his undead versions of the Nerdlucks could keep it running)
Principal Robert: (SIGHS) Boy, I hope those Nerdlucks send me a message!
(His prayer was answered when he got a message through his laptop. He pressed a button and saw the MonStars on the screen)
Principal Robert: So, boys, how's it going down there?
Pound: Don't worry about a thing, boss. We got the Muppets under control. They were planning on having a basketball challenge, so we decided to steal the talents from five NBA players to get the upper hand in this game. Don't worry, these Muppets will be Moron Mountain's new mascots after tonight.
(After that, the MonStars waved as the screen went to black, and Principal Robert was smiling evilly while rubbing his hands greedily)
Principal Robert: Excellent. Everything's going according to plan. Soon, my plans will come to fruition, and Moron Mountain will be getting a brand-new revival with some Muppets added into the mix.
(EXT. GOLF HILLS – DAY. Melinda, Marleen, ORCHID, DAISY, and Tulip were all at Golf Hills, playing a game of golf. Orchid was up to hit the golf ball, and was talking to herself. She was performing some type of ritual to give her some luck on the golf shot)
ORCHID: (SIGHS) A hundred and seventy-five yards. Okay, little fella. You my friend or are you my enemy? You are my friend, right? You are my ally. You are my associate, my personal assistant. You are my weapon. You are leaving.
(Orchid hit the golf ball, and the ball went near the hole)
Melinda: Great shot.
Tulip: Nice shot, Mrs. Orchid.
(Orchid poses, frozen)
MELINDA: You can stop posing now. Good try.
Daisy: Not bad, not bad.
ORCHID: Something for you to shoot at.
Melinda: Hit it good.
Daisy: Do my best.
Marleen: It was a good shot.
Orchid: Yeah, I know. Melinda, I gotta ask you something. The NBA has to face reality. What's happening to these players is serious. They're gonna need new players with talent. Guys who are skilled, but never really thought about a professional career before. You think I got a shot? Come on, really?
Melinda: No.
Orchid: Don't kid me.
Melinda: Listen. It's a man's game. You can't play.
Orchid: What if I tried really hard?
Daisy: Keep it down. I'm trying to hit this ball.
Orchid: It's because I'm white, isn't it?
Marleen: No. Daisy's white. So what?
Daisy: Daisy's not white. Daisy's clear.
(Daisy hit the golf ball)
Melinda & Daisy (Both): Good shot, Daisy.
TULIP: That's nice.
Melinda: Get inside her ball.
(The ball went near the hole)
TULIP: Whoa.
DAISY: You clowns can't beat that. My best shot ever.
Melinda: You haven't played long.
Daisy: A Hall-of-Fame shot.
Tulip: Really nice shot, Mrs. Daisy.
DAISY: Daisy, please.
Tulip: Nice shot, Mrs. Daisy.
Orchid: Nice shot, Daisy.
Tulip: You can do this. Don't be nervous. You can do this.
Orchid: Daisy, you feel that the NBA has to face reality, don't you? Gotta look for more dominant players in places they never looked before.
Tulip: Just look at the ball. Visualize where you want it to go.
Melinda: Right, right, right.
Tulip: Be the ball. Be the ball.
Melinda: Get off the tee.
Orchid: You can't jump. I... Yeah, go on.
Melinda: Close to the pin?
ORCHID: Close to the pin? For dinner?
DAISY: Sounds good.
ORCHID: I'll go close to the pin.
Melinda: Okay, cool.
Daisy: I'll take some of that.
(After she said that, Melinda went up to hit the ball. She then hit the golf ball, and it went up into the air, impressing everyone that was around her)
ORCHID: That's not bad.
DAISY: Good shot.
Marleen: Get down.
(The golf ball went down, and landed on the grass)
MELINDA: Look at that. Look at that spin.
(Underground, Kermit used a magnet to attract the golf ball down into the hole, so they could get Melinda to help them. However, they thought that the ball was moving itself)
Marleen: Come on.
Orchid: It is alive.
(After a few minutes of tension and excitement rising, the ball finally went down the hole, giving Melinda a hole-in-one, and everyone cheered for the young teenager)
Melinda: Yes! Yes! My first hole in one. Yes!
(CUT TO: GOLF HOLE)
ORCHID: Oh.
DAISY: Don't say it.
TULIP: Never seen one of these before.
Marleen: Daisy, nothing but the bottom of the cup.
ORCHID: That's his ball too.
Melinda: Yeah, yeah, it's my ball. Sorry.
Tulip: Let me get a picture.
(As Melinda began to get her golf ball, Tulip got a camera out to take a picture of her friend)
Melinda: You girls are jealous.
Tulip: All right, here we go. Now, you gotta smile. Reach in for the ball and then smile, okay?
Marleen: Yes.
Tulip: And you think, "This is good."
MELINDA: Just take the picture.
Tulip: Okay.
(Before Tulip took the picture, however, a rope grabbed Melinda and Marleen through the golf hole, and began to take her to Disneyland Resort. Everyone did not know where Melinda went)
Orchid: What kind of camera is that?
Tulip: Just...
(Orchid grabbed the camera from her)
Orchid: Don't point it at me. Close the lens cap.
Tulip: I didn't do anything.
Daisy: Where did she go?
(INT. UNDERGROUND – DAY. As Orchid put the camera away, Melinda and Marleen were still being pulled through the golf hole to get into Disneyland. When they saw the portal, they were pulled right through the magic rings...)
(EXT. HAPPINESS HOTEL, DISNEYLAND RESORT – DAY. ...and landed into the ground, just outside the Happiness Hotel)
(When they did, Melinda and Marleen were in a daze, and saw Tinker Bells circling through her head. As her vision began to get clear, she saw Kermit the Frog standing here)
Kermit: Oh, uh, look out for that first step, darling, it's a real lulu.
Melinda: Kermit the Frog?
Kermit: Uh, you expected maybe the frog prince?
Marleen: You're a TV star. You're not real.
Kermit: Not real, uh? If I weren't real, could I do this?
(Kermit pulled Melinda up to him and gave her a big kiss. When he pulled her back, Melinda just wiped the kiss right off of her. Suddenly, Dr. Teeth looked out with Lew Zealand)
Dr. Teeth: Oh, look. Is that the princess?
(Rowlf pops out from the sewer)
Rowlf: It's the princess.
SAM THE EAGLE: It's Prince Marleen.
(Animal pops out of a mailbox)
Animal: Basketball.
(Pepé saw Melinda staring at him)
Pepé: Ooh. I thought I saw... I did. I did see Princess Melinda, okay.
(Scooter went up to Melinda and Marleen with an autograph book)
Scooter: Pardon me, Miss Melinda. Uh, can I have your auto... Your John Hancock, please?
(Suddenly, Gonzo appeared in a doctor's outfit, as a reference to "The Veterinarian's Hospital", so he could take a look at Melinda)
Gonzo: Back off. Let the doctor take a look.
(Gonzo pulled a lever that sent Melinda way up. Gonzo noticed this, and thought it was a little too high)
Gonzo: A little high.
Melinda: No.
Gonzo: Going down.
(He pulls the lever and the chair sent Melinda down real quickly and went down with ease. Lew Zealand, Scooter, Janice, Beaker, and Link Hogthrob all gave Melinda varying scores of 9.5 to 11)
Fozzie: So, what do you say we go for a little spin?
(He spun Melinda around, stopping her so he could look in her ears)
Fozzie: Hmm. Now, let's see what we got inside here.
(Fozzie was looking in Melinda's ears while Kermit was on the other side of Melinda)
Kermit: Yodel-lay-hee-ho!
FOZZIE: Say "ah."
(He gave Melinda a thermometer, which exploded, then stamped an "OK" on her forehead)
Fozzie: All right. She's okay.
Melinda: What's going on here?
(Kermit sat on Melinda's lap)
Kermit: Why, Melinda, I thought you'd never ask. These aliens from outer space want to make us slaves for their theme park. What do you care? They're little. So we challenge them a basketball game. But then they show up and they ain't so little. They're huge. We need to beat these guys, because they're talking about slavery. They'll make us do stand-up comedy, the same jokes every night for all eternity. We'll be locked up like a bunch of wild animals, trotted out to perform for a bunch of low-brow, bug-eyed, fat-headed, humor-challenged aliens. Uh, what I'm trying to say is, we need your help!
Melinda: Yeah, but I'm a baseball player now.
Kermit: Right. And I'm a Shakespearean actor.
(He pulled up a frog's skull and threw it over her head, while Melinda looked at the audience, raising an eyebrow)
Melinda: All right, I'll help you guys out, but where are we going to practice?
Kermit: Oh, we have our own sports gym known as The Storyteller Gym. It's right down the road. Uh, follow me. It's right near the Happiness Hotel.
(EXT. GOLF HOLE, GOLF HILLS – DAY. Tulip was looking down into the golf hole with the hope that her friend would come out before Melinda's baseball game tomorrow night)
Tulip: Millie? Melinda? It's Tulip. Tulip. Uh, look, I need you to come out now, okay? Because you got a baseball game tomorrow. And I'd look pretty stupid if you don't show up.
(Meanwhile, Orchid and Daisy were all walking to one of the golf carts as they were also wondering where Melinda went)
Daisy: Think Melinda's all right? I hate to leave her like this.
Orchid: I'm sure she's fine. I think she just had to get away from that Tulip character.
Daisy: God, she's pathetic, isn't she?
Orchid: I'm gonna give us both twos back there. We weren't in any kind of emotional state to putt.
Daisy: I think that's fair.
(When Orchid and Daisy got into one of the golf carts, Orchid began to explain who would replace Melinda)
Orchid: Now, if Melinda is gone, the NBA is gonna need some new people. There's room at the top. An exciting guy who could maybe even perform at half-time. You still tight with David Stern? A phone call from you...
(INT. STORYTELLER GYMNASIUM – DAY. The Muppets led Melinda and Marleen into their local gym, and, to her surprise, it looked like a complete mess)
Melinda: Look, I want to help, but I haven't played basketball in the long time. My timing's all off.
Kermit: Eh, we'll fix your timing. Look at our facilities.
Gonzo: We've got hoops.
(He hung onto a basketball hoop, breaking as he fell right off)
(Animal lifted up some weights to show Melinda that she had some pretty good exercise equipment to practice for the upcoming basketball challenge against the MonStars)
DR. TEETH: We got weights.
(The weights landed on the penguins, carrying Animal away)
(Rowlf then appeared right next to a locker)
Rowlf: We've got balls.
(He opened the locker, and a variety of balls buried him underneath)
Rowlf: Whoa!
Marleen: You sure do. This place is a mess.
Link Hogthrob: Mess? You're only worried about a little mess?
Gonzo: Don't worry, Captain. There's nothing here a little spit shine wouldn't fix.
(He then shouted to all of the Muppets)
Gonzo: Spit shine!
Rowlf: Spit shine!
(Everyone else began to spit on the gym floor, making Melinda a little uncomfortable. How was this going to get the gym floor clean?)
(However, Animal began to grab some mops, and spun around the entire gym. He cleaned every corner, edge, and equipment clean. He even made the ceiling and the entire gym "so fresh, so clean". It looked as good as new, and he finished with a smile)
Animal: Lemony-fresh.
Melinda: You guys are nuts.
Scooter: Correction: We're The Muppets.
Fozzie: And as such are the exclusive property and trademark of the Jim Henson Company.
(Fozzie lifted up his hand, which had the Jim Henson Company logo stamped on it, and he kissed it literally)
(Pepé walked up to Marleen)
Pepé: So, are you really a fan of our shows?
Marleen: Sure. I've always loved watching you guys on TV. I was more into the gags by Fozzie.
Floyd: Yeah, we are also fans of you guys. I guess you could say that we are major Muppet Heads.
Rizzo: Well, that's surprising to hear. Well, it's not so surprising to see someone like Melinda liking the Muppets, but it is surprising to know that some rats like you would like episodes.
(As the entire gym became silent, some loud, rumbling noises came. Everyone turned their heads towards the doors, and saw Nawt barge in with a snarl, then Pound broke in with a roar, and Bupkus and Bang broke through the double doors)
Bupkus: I'm here.
(Finally, Blanko came in)
Blanko: Me too.
(However, he was not looking where he was going, smacked his face into a basketball hoop, and reared back, covering his face)
Blanko: That hurt.
(The MonStars approached the Muppets, giving Melinda and Marleen looks of interest, and "mightier than you" grins)
Melinda: Who are these guys?
Kermit: Well, uh, remember the tiny aliens I've told you about?
(Then he pointed at the MonStars)
Melinda: Oh.
Pound: You heard of the Dream Team? Well, we're the Mean Team, wussy-woman
Bupkus: Wussy-woman.
Melinda: Wussy-woman?
Nawt: We're the MonStars. M-O-N... Um...
Pound: Let's see what you got, chump.
(He threw the basketball to Melinda)
Melinda: I don't play basketball anymore.
(She threw the basketball back to Pound)
Bupkus: "I don't play basketball anymore."
(He makes himself and the MonStars laugh)
Bang: Maybe you're fish. (MIMICS FISH)
(He flapped his arms and bubbled like a fish, annoying Melinda and Marleen. Lew Zealand came to his defense)
Lew Zealand: I say, I resemble that remark.
Melinda: You calling us fish?
Pound: Hey. Come here.
(Out of nowhere, Pound grabbed Melinda and molded her into the shape of a ball, literally)
Pound: Here you go, Nawt. Take her.
(He passed her to Nawt. Nawt caught her, and began to show off his handles)
Nawt: Watch the footwork. Can you believe it?
(Nawt then threw Melinda over Floyd, Gonzo, Fozzie, Rowlf, and Kermit's heads, leaving a trail of fire over their heads, and Bang caught her)
Bang: Get out of the way.
(He slammed Melinda down the hoop so hard that it shattered all over the place. Melinda bounced along the floor as Scooter, Animal, Rizzo, Rowlf, Floyd, Fozzie, and Gonzo looked with pity)
POUND: Hey, everybody. Look at your hero now.
(Melinda went back to his normal shape. She brushed herself off, then looked at the MonStars)
Marleen: Are you okay, Princess?
Melinda: Yeah.
(She looked up at the MonStars)
Melinda: You guys are making a big mistake.
Bang: You're all washed up, girly!
Melinda: Girly?
(Pepé steps forward to Bang and defended Melinda)
Pepé: She is not washed up. Melinda's the greatest ever, okay.
(Bang gave them a glare and flicked Pepé like a bug)
Bang: Shut up.
(Pepé were smacked to the wall and slid to the ground. Melinda ran over to him and picked him up)
PEPE: My poor little cranium.
Melinda: You okay?
Blanko: Yeah, are you okay?
(Blanko look over both Bang and Bupkus's shoulders, to which both of them growled at him)
Blanko: Whoops.
(Pepé looked at Melinda, teary-eyed)
Pepé: You're not scared of them, are you, Melinda?
(Melinda took a look at the MonStars, who were giving him evil grins, while the Muppets looked at her for help. She stood up and saw Pepé standing by her side)
Melinda: Let's play some basketball.
MUPPETS: Yeah.
(The MonStars began to leave)
Melinda: I'll go talk to mama.
(As she left, Kermit heard a familiar voice behind him)
Principal Robert: Well, I thought she'd never leave.
(Startled, he turned to face the visitor)
(Kermit gasped as he stared at the figure of Principal Robert)
Kermit: Father?
Principal Robert: Hello, frog.
Kermit: (STAMMERING NERVOUSLY) How did you find me?
(Principal Robert walked up to his son and gave him hug)
Principal Robert: Oh, it was easy, really. I just listened for the sound of complete and utter betrayal and followed that.
(Kermit tried to find a way to explain. He couldn't help feeling guilty)
Kermit: (SIGHS) Father...
Principal Robert: We're going home, Kermit. Now.
Kermit: You don't understand. I've been on this incredible journey, and I've seen and learned so much. I even met someone.
Principal Robert: Yes, the princess. I'm so proud. Come on, Kermit.
Kermit: Wait, father. I think... I think she likes me.
Principal Robert: Likes you? Please, Kermit, that demented!
(PROTESTING) (SINGING) This is why you never should have left
Frog, this whole romance that you've invented
Just proves you're too naive to be here
Why would she like you? Come on now, really
Look at you! You think that she's impressed?
Don't be a dummy, come with Daddy
Father...
Kermit: No!
Principal Robert: No?
Oh, I see how it is
Kermit knows best Kermit's so mature now
Such a clever grown-up mister
Kermit knows best Fine, if you're so sure now
Go ahead, then give her this!
(He tossed the ticket to Kermit)
Kermit: How did you...
Principal Robert: This is why she's here Don't let them deceive you
Give it to her, watch, you'll see
Kermit: I will!
Principal Robert: Trust me, my son That's how fast she'll leave you
I won't say I told you so
No, Kermit knows best So, if she's such a dreamboat
Go and put her to the test
(But seeing his father move to leave the gym, Kermit called out)
Kermit: Father, wait!
Principal Robert: If she's lying, don't come crying
Father knows best
(As Principal Robert simply turned him back and disappeared, Melinda returned and got ready to take the next step in her plan)
Melinda: Okay Kermit the Frog. I'm prepared to offer you a deal.
Kermit: Deal?
Melinda: Look at this.
(Melinda handed Kermit a flyer that her father had given since childhood)
Melinda: Do you know what this is?
Kermit: You mean the restaurant thing they do for the princess?
Marleen: Restaurant? I knew it was her dream.
(More confident than ever before, Melinda presented the plan to Kermit and the Muppets)
Melinda: Well, this evening, we'll do the practice equipment for the Ultimate Game. Then, tomorrow at dawn, we'll compete in this basketball challenge while Marleen marry Lily. Then, and only then, will get our restaurant together. That is my deal.
Kermit: Yeah. No can do. Unfortunately the kingdom of Disneyland aren't exactly the stadium at the moment, so we won't be competing anywhere.
Penguins: (QUACKING)
Melinda: Something brought you here, Kermit the Frog. Call it what you will, fate, destiny...
Kermit: Whatever.
Marleen: So I have made the decision to trust you.
Kermit: A horrible decision, really.
Melinda: But trust me when I tell you this. (In her strongest voice) You can tear this gym apart brick by brick, but without my help, you will never find your precious ticket.
Kermit: (CLEARS THROAT) Let me get this straight. We'll do the practice equipment, compete the basketball game while Marleen marries Miss LaBouff, and we'll get your restaurant?
Melinda: I promise. And when I promise something, I never, ever break that promise. Ever.
(Kermit looks at everyone. He looks at her, then to the entire gym. He knows the right thing to do. And he hates himself for it)
Kermit: All right, listen. I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice. Here comes the smolder.
(Confidently he pursed his lips and oh-so-carefully raised one eyebrow. He knew this was his handsomest expression)
Kermit: This is kind of an off day for me. This doesn't normally happen. Fine. We'll play some basketball.
Melinda: Really?
(This. Was. It. She was going to be part of our team. Melinda accidentally dropped Kermit to the ground)
Melinda: Oops.
Kermit: (GASPING) You broke my smolder.
(All of the Muppets cheered and whistled while Principal Robert and the MonStars watched from the gym door)
Principal Robert: Patience boys. All good things to those who wait.
(EXT. MAIN STREET USA, DISNEYLAND PARK – DAY. Melinda, Marleen, and the Muppets walked in. Both frogs froze in terror. But to their surprise, this alligator was not interested in eating them. He was interested in Marleen's music)
Louis: I know that tune! Dippermouth Blues!
(The alligator, LOUIS, found his trumpet, which he called Giselle. Closing his tooth-filled mouth, he put the instrument to his lips and began to blow, making sweet and lively music)
Marleen: Play it, brother!
(he joined in on his ukulele)
Marleen: Oh, yeah!
(Out of sheer joy, Louis screamed and grabbed Marleen, accidentally knocking Melinda)
Louis: Where you been all my life?
Marleen: Where did you learn to play like that?
(Melinda looked at them both)
Louis: Why, the park's the best jazz school in the world. All the greats play the riverboats. Old Louis would give anything to be up there jamming with the big boys.
Marleen: Why don't you?
Louis: Oh, I tried once.
(EXT. MARK TWAIN RIVERBOAT – NIGHT – BACKSTORY. Louis told the story of how he had once climbed aboard a riverboat to join a band. But as soon as the people saw that he was a real alligator–not a person dressed in an alligator suit–they chased him off the boat. Louis had never tried to play with humans again...)
(EXT. MAIN STREET USA, DISNEYLAND PARK – DAY. ...but he continued to play out on the park, alone)
Louis: It didn't end well.
(Melinda stepped up and dragged Marleen away)
Melinda: Uh-huh. It has been a real pleasure meeting you, Louis. And thank you kindly for not eating us, but we best be on our way.
(She led Marleen)
Louis: Where... Where y'all going?
Melinda: To find somebody to win the basketball game and break this spell.
(Louis looked around, confused)
Louis: What spell?
Marleen: Brace yourself, my scaly friend. We are not frogs. We are humans.
Louis: (LAUGHING) Y'all serious?
Marleen: I am Marleen, Prince of Maldonia. And she is Melinda, the waitress. (SOFTLY) Do not kiss her.
Melinda: (GASPS) Now, just a second. This goon here got himself turned into a frog by a voodoo man, and now...
Louis: Voodoo? Like the kind Mama Odie do?
Marleen: Mama Odie?
Louis: Mama Odie. She the queen of the hotel. She got magic and spells, all kind of hoodoo.
Marleen & Melinda (Both): Could you take us to her and she will help us for the basketball game?
Louis: (GASPS) Through the deepest, darkest part around the hotel? Facing razor-sharp pricker bushes and trappers and hunters with guns? No.
(Melinda signed, disappointed. But Marleen had an idea. He learned over to her and the Muppets and whispered)
Marleen: Watch and learn.
(He turned to the big alligator)
Marleen: Louis, it is too bad we cannot help you with your dream. If only you were smaller, less toothy, you could play jazz to adoring crowds without scaring them. Anyway, enjoy your loneliness, my friend. (BIDS GOODBYE IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
Melinda: Cute, but it's not going to...
(But as Louis looked around, he suddenly saw himself sitting alone on the bench)
Louis: Hey, guys, I just had me a crazy idea! What if I ask Mama Odie to turn me human?
Marleen: Fozzie! You are a genius!
Louis: Hallelujah!
(EXT. DISNEYLAND PARK – MONTAGE. Kermit, Gonzo, Fozzie, and Link Hogthrob rides Space Mountain. Bunsen and Beaker rides Autopia. Kermit, Gonzo, and Fozzie rides Big Thunder Mountain Railroad)
Louis: (SINGING) If I were a human being
I'd head straight for Disneyland
And I'd blow this horn so hard and strong
Like no one they've ever seen
You've heard of Louis Armstrong,
Mr. Sidney Bechet?
All those guys gonna step aside
When they hear this old weirdo play, Listen...
When I'm human
As all I hope to be
I'm gonna blow this horn
'Til the cows come home
And everyone's gonna bow down for you
(Kermit, Scooter, and Rowlf cruises on Splash Mountain)
(Lew Zealand and Scooter love Enchanted Tiki Room)
(Beauregard, Scooter, and Crazy Harry rides the Matterhorn Bobsleds, Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem cruises on the Mark Twain Riverboat)
Marleen: When I'm myself again
I want just the life I had
A great big party every night
That doesn't sound too bad
A redhead on my left arm
A brunette on my right
A blonde or two to hold the candles
Now that seems just about right
Eh, Louis?
Life is short
When you're done, you're done
We're on this Earth
To have some fun
And that's the way things are
Louis: Tell it, brother!
Marleen: When I'm human
And I'm gonna be
I'm gonna tear it up like I did before
And that's a royal guarantee
Melinda: You are getting married!
Marleen: Oh, right.
Melinda: I'll just have to leave a string of broken hearts behind me!
(Gonzo and Camilla are around Dumbo the Flying Elephant, Kermit, Robin, and other frogs love Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Camilla, and Animal spins around at Mad Tea Party)
(Fozzie and Gonzo plays games in Toy Story Mania and Sweetums went on Monsters, Inc. Mike & Sulley to the Rescue!)
Melinda: (SINGING) Your modesty becomes you
And your sense of responsibility
I've worked hard for everything I've got
And that's the way it's supposed to be
When I'm a human being
At least I'll act like one
If you do your best each and every day
Good things are sure to come your way
What you give is what you get
My daddy said that
And I'll never forget
And I recommend it to you
Louis, Marleen, and Melinda: When we're human
And we're gonna be
Louis: I'm gonna blow my horn
Marleen: I'm gonna live the high life
Melinda: I'm gonna do my best
To take my place in the sun
Louis, Marleen, and Melinda: When we're human
(EXT. LABOUFF ESTATE – DAY. Lily enjoys a lovely afternoon with her handsome prince)
LILY: Prince Marleen, dear. I am positively mortified you had to endure that frog fiasco last night.
(Lawrence was sitting across from her. He was wearing the talisman, and every inch of him looked exactly like Prince Marleen)
Lawrence: Well, when you're next in line for the throne, you're poised like a panther, ready to expect the unexpected.
(Lily suddenly looked horrified)
Lily: (EXCLAIMS) Your ear?
Lawrence: What? Oh!
(He immediately reached up and touched it. It was as big as a cabbage–and it was bright red!)
Lawrence: (LAUGHS) Those pesky mosquitoes. They're everywhere.
(Lawrence was terrified that the talisman was running out of magic. He kept his hand over his ear and began speaking quickly)
Lawrence: Please. Miss Lily, I can no longer ignore the throbbing of my heart.
(Lawrence's rear end suddenly expanded to twice its size! He was turning back into a fat little servant right before her very eyes)
Lawrence: Even though our time together has been brief, it's been heavenly!
(But Lily was too taken by the idea that a prince was proposing to her to notice)
Lily: Land sakes, Prince Marleen! You got me blushing like a...
(Lawrence dropped to one knee to try to hide his expanding body as his nose grew and his teeth went crooked. He ducked low)
Lawrence: Would you do me the honor of becoming Princess of Maldonia?
Lily: Are you serious?
Lawrence: As the plague.
(Lily was thrilled)
Lily: Yes! I most definitely will marry you!
(She turned and giddily ran off)
Lily: There's so much to plan! I mean, the guest list, the dress, the music, the flowers, the shoes... (SQUEALS) We're going to have ourselves an anniversary wedding!
(But just as Lawrence breathed a sigh of relief as Lily left, Dr. Facilier's sinister shadow slithered over to him. Then Dr. Facilier himself appeared and grabbed the talisman from Lawrence's neck, only to find that all its magic was gone)
Dr. Facilier: No!
(And with that, the last of the chubby valet's hair fell out)
Lawrence: What we do now?
Dr. Facilier: Because somebody let our froggy prince go, Larry.
(For the first time, Dr. Facilier seemed less than cadaverously cool)
Dr. Facilier: I'm reduced to ask for help from my friends on the other side.
(Lawrence gulped and glanced around nervously. He didn't know exactly who Dr. Facilier's friends were...and he hoped that he would have to find out!)
(INT. HAPPINESS HOTEL – DAY. While Melinda and the Muppets practice for the upcoming basketball game, the MonStars were receiving a call from Principal Robert. Pound took out the video phone, and pressed a button to see Principal Robert's face on the phone)
Pound: Oh, hey, what's up, boss?
Principal Robert: Don't give me any funny business, boys.
Nawt: Hey, come on, Principal Robert, lighten up. Can't you take one good joke for a while?
Principal Robert: Oh, stop.
(He notices the lovestruck looks on the MonStars' faces)
Principal Robert: What's up with you guys? You look like you saw Beyonce Knowles down there.
Bupkus: Well, it wasn't exactly Beyonce, but it was Destiny's Child!
(Before Principal Robert could make a smart-aleck comment to the purple MonStar, Blanko stopped him)
Blanko: Uh, what Bupkus means is that we met these five lovely ladies.
Principal Robert: Really, you boys found some girlfriends?
Bang: Yeah, they were pretty friendly.
Principal Robert: Well, that sounds nice. I wonder how heartbroken they would be when they realize that you can't see them anymore until we win this basketball game against those Muppets.
(The MonStars all gave shocked looks at their boss)
MonStars: What?
Principal Robert: Sorry, boys, you have a mission to complete. Those girls that you just met are allies of the Muppets, along with the princess. Besides, if you show any sort of affection towards them, you are going to lose this challenge and disappoint me. You guys don't want to disappoint your boss, right?
MonStars: No.
Principal Robert: Good, so make sure that you guys don't see those girls until after we complete this challenge. If any of them even see you once before the Big Game, well...
(Principal Robert had an evil smirk on his face)
Blanko: Uh, Principal Robert, dude, what are you thinking about doing to those dudettes?
Principal Robert: Oh, don't worry. When we get those Muppets, I have a very special plan for those ladies. I always wanted some personal entertainment for Moron Mountain.
Pound: Principal Robert, what is wrong with you, man? Whatever sick tactic you have in your mind is just so sick and wrong!
Principal Robert: What? I was just saying that they should be our personal staff for Moron Mountain. You know, for maintenance, cooking, cleaning, and all of that jazz. I was not thinking about it the way that you guys were thinking.
Pound: Oh.
Principal Robert: Anyway, you know the rule: You don't see those girls until after the game. If those rules are disobeyed, you guys will receive a very terrible fate when you get back up here on Moron Mountain. Believe me, this will be one of the most-ugliest punishments that you all will have to go through. Well, anyway, go forth and succeed.
(After Principal Robert hung up on the MonStars, they all looked at each other, thinking about what they are going to tell the girls when they know that they will not be able to see them until after the Ultimate Game)
(EXT. LOCAL BASKETBALL COURT – DAY. A group of girls were playing a pick-up game of basketball)
PLAYER: Yeah, serve her! Come on! Rebound!
(Charles Barkley was walking along the fence, watching the girls play the game)
Basketball Girl: You're... You're Charles Barkley. Girls. Come on over. Hurry up. Hurry. Look. It's Charles Barkley.
Charles: Hey, can I play?
(Charles was invited to play with them, they thought that he was actually a Charles Barkley wannabe)
Basketball Girl: You're not Charles Barkley. Just a wannabe who looks like him. Sorry. Break out. You shouldn't even be here. Be gone. Wannabe. Be gone.
(Afterwards, he was shooed out of the game)
(INT. HOSPITAL – DAY. Muggsy Bogues, Patrick Ewing, Shawn Bradley, and Larry Johnson were at a doctor's office, checking up about what has been going on with their game recently)
DOCTOR: Just a few more tests, gentlemen. Electrolyte levels, glucose, CBCs, RBCs, etcetera. And we've scheduled a 12-lead stress test...
(Patrick, Shawn, and Larry accidentally hit their heads on one of the top parts)
Doctor: And neurological battery to include EEG, reflex tests...
(INT. PSYCHOLOGISTS' OFFICE – DAY)
Charles: And this girl, 5-feet-nothing, blocked my shot.
Psychologist: When did you first start having this dream?
Charles: It wasn't a dream. It really happened.
(Later on, after their checkups, Patrick appeared at the psychologist to talk about their performance in recent NBA games)
Psychologist: Are there any other areas besides basketball where you find yourself unable to perform?
Patrick: No.
Psychologist: Just asking.
(INT. CHURCH – DAY. After Shawn and Larry spoke to the doctor, Charles Barkley was seen praying at a church, asking God to forgive him for all of the things that he did)
Charles: I promise I'll never swear again. I'll never get another technical. I'll never trash-talk.
(INT. PSYCHOLOGISTS' OFFICE – DAY. WITH SHAWN BRADLEY)
Psychologist: I've got other skills. I could go back and work on the farm.
Shawn: Really?
Psychologist: Or maybe I could go back to the jungle and be a missionary again.
(WITH MUGGSY BOGUES)
Muggsy: What are you saying? That I'm trying to disobey my mama?
Psychologist: I didn't say that. You did, Muggsy.
Muggsy: But I love my mama.
(INT. HOSPITAL – DAY)
Patrick: Still can't find anything wrong with us.
Muggsy: Hey, maybe nothing's wrong with us.
Larry: That's right, Muggs. Maybe it's just in our head.
Muggsy: We're fine. It's just some psychosomatic deal. Or something to do with the moon, or the alignment of the planet.
(INT. CHURCH – DAY)
Charles: I'll never go out with Madonna again.
(EXT. GOLF HOLE, GOLF HILLS – DAY. Tulip was digging a hole at one of the golf holes, still trying to figure out what happened to Melinda. The golfer. was wondering what she were doing, so he walked up to her to figure out what was going on)
Golfer: What are you doing?
Tulip: I'm, uh... I'm fixing a divot.
Golfer: Oh.
(He spoke to one of his friends)
Golfer: She's fixing a divot!
(INT. STORYTELLER GYMNASIUM – DAY. It looked like the Muppets were practicing for the Ultimate Game against the MonStars. However, only Kermit and Miss Piggy were actually practicing their skills for the game, while the others all did their Muppet things. Janice was prancing after Dr. Teeth, Floyd was playing with his basketball, and Animal was going crazy)
(Gonzo fell down and a basketball fell on his head, and went to Beaker)
Bunsen: Nice caught, Beakie!
Beaker: Mee.
Bunsen: But here's something we could help. This is the rocket so we can shoot people into the air. All you got to do is lit up the fuse and the rocket will blast off!
(He lit the fuse and the rocket launches, pulling Beaker and it flies around the gym and crashes into the wall. He is all battered up by the rocket)
Bunsen: Beaker, are you all right?
(Melinda shook her head)
Melinda: Has anyone here ever played basketball?
Miss Piggy: Um, I have.
(The Muppets turned to see MISS PIGGY, one of the main Muppet stars, walk into the gym)
Miss Piggy: I'd like to try out for the team.
(The Muppets were all looking impressed with Miss Piggy, and Kermit seemed to have taken an interest into Miss Piggy)
Kermit: Hey.
Miss Piggy: Hi. My name is Miss Piggy.
Kermit: Piggy?
Miss Piggy: Ha, ha. Yes.
Kermit: Hi-ho. Uh, my name is Kermit. Ahem. You want to play a little one-on-one, doll?
Miss Piggy: "Doll"?
Kermit: Uh-huh.
Miss Piggy: On the court, Kermit.
Kermit: Sure.
(He zoomed out onto the court)
Pepé: Ooh. She's hot.
(Everyone went to the side to watch Kermit and Miss Piggy play a game of one-on-one, and it was about to look real awesome)
FLOYD: There she goes.
Miss Piggy: Ready?
Kermit: Yes. I got it. I got it.
(Miss Piggy zoomed past Kermit real quickly, leaving him tied up. Miss Piggy then went up to the hoop, and dunked the ball, impressing everyone in the gym)
Marleen: That girl's got some skills.
(Miss Piggy walked over to Kermit)
Kermit: Yes?
(Miss Piggy then pulled up Kermit's face up to hers)
Miss Piggy: Don't ever call me "doll."
(She blew the hair away from her face)
Kermit: Check.
(His body stiffened and fell to the ground)
Miss Piggy: Hey, nice playing with you.
(She left the gym)
Melinda: Very smooth.
Kermit: Ah, she's obviously nuts about me.
Melinda: Obviously.
Janice: Oh, wow.
MELINDA: Okay. Where's the ball?
Janice: For sure.
(Janice passed her the ball)
Melinda: Let's do some drills.
(Before all of the Muppets could do so, Melinda's slippers were stuck in the floor, and it caused her to fall and let go of the basketball as it dribbled away)
Melinda: Can anyone lend me a pair of sneakers?
Kermit: Uh, sneakers?
(All of the Muppets saw that they did not really have an extra pair of sneakers)
Pepé: Sorry.
Melinda: Someone has to go to my house and pick up my basketball gear.
Fozzie: To your house ... in 3D land?
MELINDA: Yeah. Whatever you do, don't forget my fairy tale shorts.
Fozzie: Your shorts? From college?
Melinda: I wore them under my uniform every game.
(The Muppets all gave disgusted looks)
Melinda: Hey. I washed them after every game.
Rowlf: Yeah.
Scooter: Sure.
(Louis still daydreaming about the possibilities of a magical transformation)
Louis: Now, this restaurant of yours, is it going to have etouffee?
Melinda: Jambalaya, gumbo. It's going to have it all.
Louis: I've always wanted to try red beans and rice, muffulettas, po' boys.
Marleen: Stop, Louis. You two are making me so very hungry.
(A small swarm of mosquitoes buzzed by the frog's head. Automatically, Kermit's tongue snapped out, startling him)
Marleen: Interesting.
Melinda: What are you doing?
Marleen: (SOFTLY) Shh! You are frightening the food.
(He snapped at another mosquito and missed)
Marleen: This is harder than it looks.
(Marleen's tongue snapped out again and he accidentally wrapped it around a hoop. Melinda laughed as the hoop cracked and Marleen fell with it in his mouth)
(The firefly suddenly landed on a basket near Melinda. Her tongue instantly snapped at it. She put her hand over her mouth)
Melinda: What? Oh, no. No, no, no. This is no way I am kissing a frog and eating a bug on the same day.
(Her tongue darted out just as Marleen's went for the firefly, too. Their tongues snared each other instead of the firefly and–SMACK! They were suddenly nose to nose. Melinda shrieked. Their tongues were tangled together!)
Marleen: Hello.
(Melinda tried desperately to break loose)
Melinda: Hold still.
Marleen: Stop moving! You are making this very difficult!
(Louis suddenly saw the frogs)
Louis: Y'all find anything to eat yet? Oh, my. Hang on. Old Louis got it covered.
MARLEEN: No, no...
MELINDA: Don't...
(Louis pulled and twist them until they were in a hopeless knot)
LOUIS: How's that?
Melinda: This could be a little better.
(Louis shook his head; then his big eyes brightened)
Louis: You know what this needs? A sharp stick! Be right back! (SCATTING)
Melinda: This is all your fault.
Marleen: My fault? My fault... Let me tell you something. I was having a wonderful time until...
(The fly they had been trying to catch hovered over them and began to chuckle. He had a missing tooth and a droopy antenna)
Ray: Coo! Well, looky here! Girl, I guess you and your boyfriend got a little carried away. Am I right?
Melinda: Oh, no, no! Do not be ridiculous! He's not my boyfriend!
Marleen: I am the Prince of Maldonia!
Ray: Let me shine a little light on the situation.
(A soft glow shone from his tail)
Ray: That's more better. Yeah.
(Melinda and Marleen were surprised)
(He looked at the tangled frog and princess)
Ray: It's okay. I don't explode me. I ain't no firecracker! I just got my big butt glowing! That's right! The women like a man with a big back porch! Lord, you done this up real good, for sure.
(He tapped on Marleen's foot and gave him a bemused look)
Ray: Now where this go to at?
(He flared his light and walked down between the two helpless frogs, trying to help them)
Ray: Hang on, Cap. I'm just going to give a little twist here. We're getting to know each other now! (SINGING) We're back in the jungle 'round fishin' time
(He held the end of Marleen's tongue and gave it a sharp yank. Melinda and Marleen unraveled and instantly sprang apart)
Ray: It's about time I introduce myself. My name Raymond, but everybody call me "Ray."
Marleen: Pardon me, but your accent, it's funny, no?
Ray: I'm a Cajun, brah. Born and bred in the bayou.
Marleen: Actually, we are from a place far, far away from this world.
Ray: Go to bed! Y'all from Shreveport?
Marleen: No. No, no, no. We are people.
Melinda: Prince Charming here got himself turned into a frog by a voodoo witch doctor.
Ray: Well, there you go.
Melinda: And we were on our way around this hotel to Mama Odie. We think maybe she.
Ray: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Mama Odie? Y'all headed the wrong directional, chere. Now what kind of chucklehead told y'all to go this way?
(Louis suddenly burst into the gym)
Louis: I found a stick!
Melinda: Louis. Ray here says you've been taking us in the wrong direction.
(Louis shuffled his feet)
Louis: (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) I was... Well, listen. I was confused by the topography and the geography and the choreography and...
(Ray leaned over to Melinda)
Ray: First rule of Happiness Hotel, never take direction from a gator.
(Ray patted Melinda's arm as if to tell her there was no need to worry. The he whistled loudly. Suddenly, the troop of fireflies appeared)
Ray: Why, me and my relationals will help show you all the way.
Marleen: (EXCLAIMS)
Ray: Hey, Cousin Randy! You ready for a little bayou zydeco?
Cousin Randy: Ready when you are, Cousin Ray.
Ray: All right, Lulu. Let's get to it, darling. Come on, chere! Just follow the bouncing butt!
(SINGING) We're gonna take you there
We're gonna take you there
We're gonna take you all the way there
Gonna take you there
We're gonna take you there
We're gonna take you all the way
Going around the hotel
Going around the hotel
Going around the hotel
Taking you all the way
(SPOKEN) We got the whole family. There goes Mimi, Cousin Beaudreaux. Oh, Grandmama! Y'all light out!
We're all gonna pull together
Dow here that's how we do
Me for them and them for me
We all be there for you
We gonna take ya
We gonna take ya
We gonna take ya all the way there
We know where you're goin' and we're goin' with you
Takin' you all the way
Going around the hotel
Going around the hotel
Going around the hotel
Taking you all...
Yeah, you know!
Come on, y'all! Keep that line flowing and the lights a-glowing! Yeah, you're right!
(INT. VOODOO EMPORIUM – DAY. The voodoo man was busy. He turned and smiled wickedly at the masks covering his walls, calling a meeting of sorts. Dr. Facilier removed his hat respectfully)
Dr. Facilier: Friends, I know I'm in hock to y'all pretty deep already, but seems our little froggy prince lost his way and I need your generous assistance of getting him back.
(The masks stared at him with sinister looks)
Dr. Facilier: (LAUGHS) I hear you! Now, what's in it for y'all? Well, as soon as I dispose of Big Daddy LaBouff, and I'm running this resort. (LAUGHING MALICIOUSLY) I'll have the entire city of Disneyland in the palm of my hand. And you'll have all the wayward souls your dark little hearts desire.
(Dr. Facilier blows his hand and people turned into souls and flew away)
Dr. Facilier: (LAUGHING) Y'all love that, don't you? So, we got ourselves a deal?
(The masks silently conferred and an agreement was reached. Soon the room was alive with menacing shadows swarming out of the masks, ready to do Dr. Facilier's bidding)
Dr. Facilier: (LAUGHING) Now we're cooking! We're going to find ourselves a frog! Search everywhere! California Adventure Park, Disneyland Park. Bring him to me alive. I need his heart pumping for now. (SPEAKING FRENCH)
(Dr. Facilier struck his cane on the floor and the shadows slipped through the windows, doors, and vents of the lair. They fanned out across the streets of Downtown Disney, sliding along buildings. A few of them even made their way toward Disneyland Park and Disney's California Adventure Park)
(INT. HAPPINESS HOTEL – DAY. A heavy mist spread over Anaheim from the LaBouff estate to the Happiness Hotel, where Ray was waving goodbye to the firefly family. They had done their job, guiding Marleen, Melinda, and Louis closer to Mama Odie)
RAY: I'll take them the rest of the way.
Melinda: Nice meeting y'all!
Louis: Bye-bye, Pookie!
Ray: (SPEAKING FRENCH)
BEAUDREAUX: Will do, Cousin Ray!
Ray: And don't forget to tell Angela, Ray say, "Bonne chance!"
(The fireflies glittered off into the distance)
Melinda: That's your girl?
Ray: Oh, no, no. My girl? Ho, ho, ho. That's Evangeline.
Melinda: Evangeline?
Ray: She the most prettiest firefly ever did glow. (SQUEALS) You know, I talk to Evangeline most every night. She's kind of shy. Don't say much. And I know in my heart someday we are going to be together. Yeah.
(Melinda smiled, too)
Melinda: Aw! That's so sweet.
MARLEEN: Yeah, so sweet. Just do not settle down so quickly, my friend. There are plenty of fireflies in the hotel.
(Melinda was furious. Marleen was supposed to marry her friend Lily, but instead he was thinking about dating other ... girls or frogs or whatever he was thinking. Hopping onto entrance to the pool, Melinda hacks a trail through some briar bushes. But taking to land didn't turn out as well as the companions had hoped. Louis found it impossible to avoid the briar thorn bushes)
Louis: (SHOUTS IN PAIN) Pricker bushes got me! Gator down! Gator down! The darkness is closing in! I'm so cold.
(Ray flew over to begin pulling the painful thorns out of Louis's skin)
RAY: Will you hold still, you big baby?
(LOUIS SCREAMING)
RAY: I ain't touched it yet.
(The frog hunter named REGGIE and his two sons, DARNELL and his brother, TWO FINGERS appeared from the gate and saw the two frogs)
Reggie: Oh! Take a look at them two jumpers. I can taste them frog legs already.
Darnell: Bet they taste real good with the sauce piquant, right, Pa?
Reggie: (SOFTLY) Will you keep quiet?
(He hits his son on the head with his club)
Darnell: (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
Two Fingers: (MUMBLING)
Reggie: Oh! My thoughts exactly, Two Fingers. It is time to catch us some frogs!
(EXT. NEVERLAND POOL, HAPPINESS HOTEL – DUSK. Melinda and Marleen climb the stairs in the Skull Rock water slide structure)
Marleen: You know, waitress, I have finally figured out what is wrong with you.
Melinda: Have you now?
Marleen: You do not know how to have fun. There. Somebody had to say it.
Melinda: Thank you, because I figured out what your problem is, too.
Marleen: I'm too wonderful?
Melinda: No, you're a no-'count, philandering, lazy bump on a log.
Marleen: (CHUCKLES) (COUGHS) Killjoy.
Melinda: What did you say?
Marleen: Nothing. (COUGHS) Stick in the mud.
Melinda: Listen here, mister. This stick in the mud has had to work two jobs her whole life while you've been sucking on a silver spoon chasing chambermaids around your ivory tower!
Marleen: Actually, it's polished marble.
(WHOOSH! Marleen's expression turned to terror as he was suddenly snatched up in a net. Melinda gasped, horrified, as she saw Marleen being carried off by Reggie)
Reggie: I got me one, boys! Y'all get that little one over there!
(Just then, a big hand reached down for Melinda. She jumped over the gnarled hand, pulling one of Two Fingers' fingers back)
(The hunter let out a scream. He had lost almost all his fingers trapping wild critters, and he was sensitive about the only two he had left. He reached into his belt and pulled out his throwing knives. He hurled three of them at Melinda)
(Melinda felt them cut through the air and hit tree behind her with a whap, whap, whap! She stared at the huge knives for a second, then hopped away as fast as she could)
(Behind the entrance, Ray pulled the thorn off Louis's finger. However, Louis took one look at the hunters)
REGGIE: That's good hunting today, yes, indeed!
(I was right! Louis thought)
Louis: Hunters with guns!
(He dove into a nearby bush to hide. Unfortunately, he'd landed in another pricker bush)
(LOUIS SCREAMING)
(Ray, on the other hand, realized that Marleen was in trouble!)
Reggie: Look at them big frog legs. I want me some corn bread with this dinner!
Ray: Oh, no!
(He took off)
Ray: A bug got to do what a bug got to do!
(He fly straight up Reggie's left nostril)
(Reggie yelped and let go of the net. Marleen took the opportunity to climb to the edge of the boat and dive into the water)
(The boat rocked wildly as Reggie stood and jammed his finger up his right nostril. Then he blew his nose hard. Ray came shooting out and smashed into a water slide)
Ray: I think I done chipped my favorite tooth.
(On the pool, Melinda was trying to get away from Two Fingers. Suddenly, his brother, Darnell, came running through the bushes waving a club)
Darnell: Here I come, Two Fingers! I'll help...
(Darnell slipped and flipped onto the puddle, crashing into Two Fingers. Darnell's fall tipped the chair under Melinda and launched her into the air. She landed right inside Darnell's frog trap)
Darnell: (EXCLAIMING) Pa! We got one!
(Darnell and Two Fingers climbed into the boat)
Two Fingers: Shush now! Get on quiet there!
Darnell: What happened to yours?
Reggie: Shut your trap, Darnell!
(Marleen burst up from the pool water gasping. He could see Melinda. She was inside Darnell's cage. And the boat was pulling away! Without a moment's hesitation, Marleen set out to rescue her. He shot his sticky frog tongue out at the boat. As the boat poured on speed, it pulled the would-be rescuer along like a water-skier)
Darnell: Pa, did you hear that suspicious thud?
Reggie: Yeah. I sure did.
(He took off his hat)
(Melinda gasped. Marleen had pulled himself up to the boat and hopped onto Reggie's head)
(Darnell thought for a moment and picked up his club)
Reggie: What are you two gawking at?
(Darnell suddenly swung and hit him over the head with a BAM!)
Darnell: Just missed him!
(He raised the club again. He hit Reggie again but missed Marleen, who was quick on his feet)
Darnell: I will make him pay for his insolence!
Reggie: Two Fingers! I need some help over here!
Marleen: Now! Go!
(Two Fingers stood up, and the frog's trap's door sprang open. Melinda crawled out and joined Kermit. The two frogs jumped onto Two Fingers's foot)
Marleen: Watch this.
(Darnell stomped on his brother's foot with a crunch. Melinda and Marleen jumped into the air)
(The two frogs hopped back and forth among the hunters had knocked themselves silly)
(At last, Darnell collapsed into a pile with Reggie and Two Fingers at the bottom of the boat)
Reggie: These two ain't like no frogs I ever seen. They smart.
Melinda: And we talk, too.
(The three frog hunters, astounded by what they had heard, raced away as fast as they could. Laughing, Melinda and Marleen merrily went to find Gonzo and Fozzie)
(INT. STORYTELLER GYMNASIUM – DUSK. Louis emerged from the pricker bush, still sore and not completely aware of what was going on. Seeing Ray on the ground, he quickly ran to help the poor firefly, who had barely escaped death inside Hurley's nose)
Louis: You all right there, little bug?
(He used a tiny straw to fill Ray's chest with air)
Ray: I'm fine. But your breath done near kill me to death.
(Louis points to one of the prickly burr in his fur)
Louis: Would you mind?
Ray: I got you covered.
(Ray yanked the thorn from the alligator's skin)
Louis: Much obliged, peewee. Now how about the other side?
(Marleen and Melinda came strolling into the gym. They were laughing about their adventure)
Marleen: "And we talk, too." I like that. You are secretly funny.
Melinda: Not a stick in the mud? Say it. Say it.
Marleen: Well, I wouldn't go... All right. You're not exactly...
Melinda: I can't hear you. I'm sorry. What?
Marleen: ...a complete stick deep in the mud.
(Melinda giggled)
(Just then, they saw poor Louis covered in painful prickers, with Ray helping him by pulling them out one at a time)
Louis: (GROANING) Easy. Easy!
Ray: This one's in there, ain't it? Hold on.
Louis: Holy... (GRUNTING)
Ray: Chere, I know we got to get to Mama Odie lickety-split, but this particular extractification is going to take a while. Yeah.
Melinda: Poor Louis.
Louis: You know what would make me feel better? (SCREAMING) Crawfish smothered in remoulade sauce... Mercy!
RAY: Just a little more!
Louis: With some Bananas Foster sprinkled with pralines... Oh, Mama!
Melinda: How about some swamp gumbo?
Louis: That will do. (SHOUTING)
Marleen: Sounds delicious. I'll start with a pre-dinner cocktail and something to nibble on while I wait. Thanks.
(He quickly settled in to wait as she cooked)
Melinda: No, no, no, your royal highness. You are going to mince these mushrooms.
(She handed Marleen a few wild mushrooms and a sharpened stone that he could use as a knife)
Marleen: (STUTTERS) Do what?
Melinda: Mince the mushrooms! Hop to it!
(As Melinda gathered up some ingredients from the cupboard, she saw Marleen struggling to cut into the first mushroom)
Marleen: Little ridiculous.
MELINDA: Are you mincing?
Marleen: All right! Relax.
(He finally cut a slice)
Marleen: (EXHALES DEEPLY) One.
(Melinda paused for a moment and looked at Marleen. She almost felt sorry for the pampered frog)
Melinda: Step aside, mister. Watch and learn.
(Marleen was dazzled as Melinda quickly sliced and then minced a mushroom. She handed him the knife as they started making a pile of neatly sliced mushrooms)
Marleen: Oh! All right. (CHUCKLES)
(Marleen was impressed. He took the knife and started slicing by himself)
Melinda: There you go.
Marleen: You know, I've never done anything like this before.
Melinda: Really?
Marleen: All right. But when you live in a castle, everything is done for you. All the time. They dress you. They feed you. Drive you. Brush your teeth.
Melinda: Oh, poor baby.
Marleen: I admit it was a charmed life until the day my parents cut me off, and suddenly I realized I don't know how to do anything.
(Now Melinda began to feel genuinely sorry for him)
Melinda: Well, hey, you got the makings of a decent mushroom mincer.
Marleen: You think so?
Melinda: Keep practicing and I just might hire you.
Marleen: Really?
Melinda: No.
Marleen: (GROANS) Come on! What was that? That was below the frog belt.
(EXT. NEIGHBORHOOD – NIGHT. Kermit, Gonzo, and Camilla were digging to Melinda's house to get her basketball gear)
GONZO: The view back here stinks.
(Suddenly, they finally stopped, and for good reason)
KERMIT: Whoa.
GONZO: What?
KERMIT: We're right in front of Melinda's house.
GONZO: I knew that.
KERMIT: Shh. Okay, let's go in this way.
GONZO: I say, let's go in that way.
(By Gonzo's request, Kermit and Camilla just went straight up into the house, and Gonzo went somewhere else, thinking that it was also going to get himself inside the house)
KERMIT: He just never learns.
(INT. CHARLES' DOGHOUSE – NIGHT. Meanwhile, Gonzo found himself at another area)
GONZO: Now, let me see. If my calculations are correct, I must be very, very close.
(Gonzo then flicked on a lighter, and saw that he wasn't in the house, but in the dog house, encountering Melinda's pet bulldog, Charles. At this point in time, Gonzo could do what he did best)
Gonzo: Mother.
(With that, Charles began to beat up Gonzo as he tried to find various ways to get out of the dog house)
(INT. MELINDA'S HOUSE – NIGHT. Meanwhile, with Kermit and Camilla, they finally made it inside the house pretty easily)
Kermit: Nice digs.
(They later heard a knock at the door)
Camilla: (CLUCKING)
Kermit: Well, well. I wonder who that could be.
(Kermit opened the door, and Gonzo fell inside, after being beaten up by the pet bulldog)
Gonzo: Twinkle, twinkle little star!
Kermit: Shh! Everyone's sleeping.
Gonzo: I knew that.
Kermit: Come on, we gotta find Melinda's basketball stuff.
(Kermit and Gonzo began to look around the house for her basketball stuff, but found nothing thus far)
Kermit: Nope. Nothing in here.
Gonzo: (looking in the family room) Not here. Ah, but a nice dinette set.
(Kermit looks in another room)
Kermit: Not here.
(Gonzo were about to look somewhere else, but Kermit called them upstairs)
Kermit: Let's look upstairs.
Gonzo: Yes, oh, fearless leader. So she needs her special underwear.
(As Kermit and Gonzo were talking, they walked into Jodi's room, seeing her room filled with posters of her favorite musicians, and a few Muppets merchandise)
Gonzo: You think she's got enough toys?
KERMIT: Speaking of toys, you know all those mugs and t-shirts and lunch boxes with our pictures on them?
Gonzo: Yes.
KERMIT: You ever see any money from all that stuff?
GONZO: Ha. Not a cent.
(Upon hearing their voices, Jodi woke up to see Kermit the Frog and the Great Gonzo at her own home)
KERMIT: Hmm. Me neither.
GONZO: It's a crying shame. We gotta get new agents. We're getting screwed.
(As Jodi peeked her head out of her room, Kermit and Gonzo walked into yet another room, hopefully a room that had Melinda's basketball stuff)
KERMIT: We have found the trophy room.
(INT. TROPHY ROOM – NIGHT)
Kermit: Now, spread out and search that place.
Gonzo: Yes, Kermit. It has gotten too far that I have to take orders from the frog prince.
Kermit: Yap, yap, yap.
(He found the basketball jersey)
Kermit: Hmm. This could be useful.
(Meanwhile, Gonzo were looking through one of the drawers)
Gonzo: Well, I could go back to being a door-to-door salesman. Well, that's very nice.
(Kermit then found another part of Melinda's basketball gear)
Kermit: Oh, one of her shoes.
(He put the shoe in the gym bag)
Kermit: What is that other shoe? Where are you?
(Kermit later found it on a stand near one of Melinda's trophies)
Kermit: Eureka!
(He pulled up a chair to get the other shoe)
Kermit: Come to Papa.
(As Kermit did this, Lily looked inside the trophy room to see Kermit and Gonzo getting Melinda's basketball gear for their game)
Kermit: (nearly slipped) Oops.
Gonzo: What a fuzz-foot. You are so clumsy.
(Kermit pushed the shoe into the gym bag)
Kermit: Catch, weirdo.
Gonzo: Thanks.
(After that, Jodi closed the door, and went to tell the cousins what was going on in the trophy room)
Kermit: Well, time to go.
Gonzo: Did we get everything?
(They stopped, because they realized that they had forgotten something)
Kermit & Gonzo (Both): The shorts.
(They turned to the door)
KERMIT: In there?
Gonzo: Okay, I'll check.
(When Gonzo opened the door, he saw Charles holding the shorts in his mouth as he growled at Gonzo, causing him to quickly close the door)
Gonzo: I found the shorts.
(Charles then busted inside the room, landing the door on Gonzo)
Camilla: (CLUCKS)
Gonzo: The pain.
(He quickly got up, and went behind Kermit)
Gonzo: I'm right behind you, amigo.
Kermit: Uh, that's none too reassuring.
Gonzo: Nice puppy.
(Charles began to get closer to them as Kermit and Gonzo tried to find something to calm her down)
Gonzo: (holding up a bone) How about a bone? No dice.
(During this time, Jodi, Mike, and Mark all peeked their heads through the door to see Kermit and Gonzo worrying that Charles might kill them)
Kermit: (pulling out a ham) What about a nice holiday ham?
(Charles did not take it, and was still growling at them)
Kermit: He ain't buying it. Can't we talk this over?
Gonzo: Down, Beethoven.
Kermit: (back to his cool demeanor) Ooh. The kids are here.
(Jodi, Mike, and Mark all rushed inside the trophy room, and Mike tried to get the shorts out of Charles' mouth)
Mike: Give it to me, Charles.
(He finally got them out after a minute of fighting, and handed the shorts to Kermit)
Mike: Here you go, Kermit.
Kermit: Thanks, kid.
Mark: Shoo. Shoo.
(Charles walked away with a whimper)
Gonzo: Bad dog. That is the last time I'm ever working with dogs or children.
(Kermit just rolled his eyes as he and Gonzo began to leave)
Kermit: Bye-bye.
Mike: Hey, where are you going?
Kermit: Well, uh, you see, the Muppets have a big basketball game coming up tomorrow morning and, uh, your friend's gonna play.
Mike: All right.
Kermit: Yeah. But don't tell anybody.
(He, Gonzo, and Camilla left. Mike nodded his head as Kermit closed the door)
(INT. PSYCHIC MEDIUM'S FORTUNE LAIR – NIGHT. The five NBA players were visiting a psychic medium to see what was up with their skills in their recent NBA games. The psychic medium looked in a crystal ball and began to get a vision)
Psychic Medium: (PSYCHIC HUMMING) I see aliens. Little aliens from outer space. They forced their way inside your bodies. They need your talent to win a basketball game against... Kermit the Frog.
PATRICK: (WHISPERS) Kermit the Frog?
Psychic Medium: I also see Princess Melinda, being sucked down the golf hole by the Muppets.
Patrick: That's it.
(He and the others began to leave)
Patrick: We're out of here. We're leaving now.
Shawn: (to Muggsy) Let's try some acupuncture.
Muggsy: Good idea.
(He waved to the psychic)
Muggsy: Bye.
(EXT. GOLF HOLE, GOLF HILLS – NIGHT. Tulip searched in nearly all of the golf holes, but she still couldn't find her friend after so many attempts. She was worried that she might never get to see her again)
TULIP: This is it. This is it. I don't know where you are, Melinda, but wherever you are you obviously enjoy being there more than spending time with me.
(Kermit, Gonzo, and Camilla were walking back to the golf hole as they were carrying Melinda's basketball gear)
Gonzo: You better hope this Melinda character still know how to play hoops.
KERMIT: You and me both, brother.
(Wondering where those voices were coming from, Tulip peeked her heads over the golf hole, and saw Kermit and Gonzo walking to one of the golf holes)
GONZO: Listen, how is this for a new team name: The Weirdos.
KERMIT: Please. What kind of Mickey Mouse or SpongeBob organization would name their own team the Weirdos?
GONZO: So, sue me. It's just a suggestion.
(Kermit moved the golf pole as he and Gonzo and Camilla went down into the hole to get back to Disneyland, as Tulip watched in surprise and decided to follow them. Maybe this 'Disneyland' could be where her friend might be!)
(INT. STORYTELLER GYMNASIUM – NIGHT. Gonzo, Fozzie, Scooter, Animal, Lew Zealand, Rowlf, Rizzo, Pepé, and Dr. Teeth were working out to an old-school Richard Simmons tape in a TV. How did they get this tape? It was probably in one of their archives)
Richard: You're doing it. You're becoming mighty. Go!
SCOOTER: Come on, guys. No pain, no gain.
Richard: I don't hear it. What is it?
(The Muppets continued working out)
LEW ZEALAND: Come on.
Scooter: Come on.
(Kermit peeked out through the gym doors to introduce Melinda new wardrobe to the Muppets)
Kermit: Eh, guys?
Muppets (All): Yes?
Kermit: Look who's finally ready to play?
(Camilla, Gonzo, Pepé, Miss Piggy, Beaker, and Scooter all looked in awe at Melinda in her strapless and skirted basketball uniform)
Melinda: Let's see if I remember how to do this.
(She began to show her skills as Seal's "Fly Like An Eagle" plays in the background)
Seal: Fly like an eagle
To the sea
Fly like an eagle
Let my spirit carry me,
I wanna fly
Fly right into the future
Time keeps on slippin'
Into the future...
(During the song, Melinda began to show her basketball skills on the court, impressing the Muppets, even Marleen. At one point, Fozzie's eyes even resembled one of Melinda's basketball dunks)
(As Melinda made another dunk, everyone in the gym began to hear the clapping from someone. They all turned to see that the clapping was coming from Tulip)
Tulip: (CHUCKLES) Melinda!
(Melinda looked up in surprise and saw her publicist fly up to her)
Tulip: Is it really you? Oh! Thank God you're all right. Oh! I was so worried.
(As Tulip hugged her friend, the Muppets, in the background, were all wondering how Tulip got down here and who they even were)
Melinda: Come on, Tulip. Don't hug me, please.
Tulip: Sorry.
Melinda: What are you doing here?
Tulip: I gotta take you back. You got baseball practice.
Melinda: I can't. I'm helping my friends in their basketball game.
(Tulip turned to see Kermit, Gonzo, Miss Piggy, Scooter, Rowlf, Pepé, Rizzo, and Sam the Eagle in the background, all of whom were waving at them)
Tulip: Melinda, you know that your friends are the Muppet characters?
(Melinda thought about it for a moment)
Melinda: Yeah. So?
Tulip: Doesn't bother you, it doesn't bother me. Let me help. Let me help. I can help.
Melinda: What can you do?
(Tulip began to dribble the basketball, doing some crossovers)
Tulip: Well, you know, I mean, I may not be very tall, but I'm slow.
Rowlf: And large.
Gonzo: And a dork.
Floyd: First of all, crossovers are only one part of playing basketball. Playing basketball takes hard work and dedication.
Rizzo: Yeah, they may have skills in worrying about whose makeup is getting messed up.
Tulip: We'll do anything, Melinda. Anything.
Melinda: Anything?
Tulip: Anything.
Melinda: Come here. Come here for a second.
(She led Tulip to the bench, sitting her next to Sam the Eagle)
Melinda: Sit right here.
Tulip: Okay.
(She began to applaud for them)
Tulip: All right. All right, let's go, team. (CHUCKLES) If somebody gets injured, we could see a lot of minutes.
Sam the Eagle: I'm a cheerleader.
(EXT. JUNGLE CRUISE, ADVENTURELAND, DISNEYLAND – NIGHT. The shadows grew long on the glassy water. But one shadow moved with a life of its own. It had just found some broken bits of colored balloons at the bottom of a tree. The shadow let out a call that echoed through the jungle, and in an instant, other shadows joined it)
(INT. LOCAL GYMNASIUM, HAPPINESS HOTEL – NIGHT. Marleen, Melinda, and the Muppets were enjoying a lovely night)
RAY: ...you going to see a blind nutria. You say, "Hello." And he say, "What?" And you say, "That's a ugly fish."
(ALL LAUGHING)
Melinda: Anyone for seconds?
Marleen: That was magnificent! You truly have a gift.
Melinda: Why, thank you.
(She was a bit surprised by the compliment coming from Marleen)
(Everyone lazed happily on the gym floor after the big meal. Ray and Louis were starting dreamily into the night sky from the gym window when Ray suddenly called out)
Ray: (GASPS) This she is. The sweetest firefly in all creation.
Melinda: Evangeline?
(Louis sat up)
Louis: I want to meet this girl. Where she at?
Ray: How you can miss her? She's glowing right up there in front of y'all.
(He was in love with Evangeline)
Ray: (SINGING) Look how she lights up the sky
Ma belle Evangeline
Louis: (LAUGHS) That ain't no fire...
(He is hit on the head by Marleen)
Marleen: Shh!
Ray: So far above me, yet I
Know her heart belongs to only me
I adore you. I love you, Evangeline.
You're my queen of the night
So still, so bright
That someone as beautiful as she
Could love someone like me
(Marleen extended his hand to Melinda)
Melinda: No. I don't dance.
Ray: Love always find a way, it's true
Melinda: I've never danced.
Ray: And I love you, Evangeline
(Marleen smiled and gave her a twirl)
Marleen: If I can mince, you can dance.
Crazy Harry: Did somebody say, "Dance?"
(Melinda smiled as she and Marleen glided over the gym floor to Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem's sweet music. Melinda closed her eyes as Marleen led her in the dance)
RAY: Love is beautiful Love is wonderful
Love is everything
Do you agree?
Mais' oui!
Look how she lights up the sky
I love you, Evangeline
(But when Marleen leaned in for a kiss, Melinda opened her eyes and jumped back)
Melinda: Ah! Lily's getting herself one heck of a dance partner. We best be pushing on.
(Marleen was nodding sadly when a dark shadow fell over him and began dragging him off)
Marleen: (SCREAMS) Melinda!
Melinda: Kermit!
(More shadows descended on him and yanked him away)
RAY: No, no, no!
(Melinda chased after the shadows. She grabbed Marleen by the arms and tried to pull him back)
(Louis appeared and joined Melinda in a tug-of-war with the evil shadow)
(Ray and the other Muppets grabbed on to Louis's tail and added his weight to the battle)
(Suddenly–FOOM! FOOM! FOOM!–several blinding flashes of light destroyed the shadows one by one)
(Melinda, Louis, and Ray looked up. An enormous, frightening silhouette was moving over a slope near a tree. They shivered in fear as the shape grew larger and larger. Then suddenly, a tiny old Creole woman appeared. She blew the smoke from the gourd she carried with her and placed her hand on her hip as she came to a stop at the base of a large tree)
(They noticed that she was as wide as she was tall about four feet in each direction. She was wearing sunglasses and had a big snake draped around her neck. They did not need to be told who this strange figure was. It was the one and only MAMA ODIE)
Mama Odie: Not bad for a 197-year-old blind lady. (CHUCKLING)
(She was proud of still being able to push a few shadows around at her age)
(She walked toward the group of friends)
Mama Odie: Now which one of you naughty children been messing with the Shadow Man?
(Louis quickly pointed to Marleen. Mama Odie nodded as though the alligator was only confirming what she already knew)
(INT. SHRIMP BOAT, TREE – DAY. Mama Odie led them into the shrimp boat)
MELINDA: We're so glad you rescued us, Mama Odie. Ray and Louis here have been telling us all about you. We've been traveling quite a long way, and you can't imagine what we've been through. And we... And we heard that you...
Mama Odie: Juju!
(She put her face up to the big snake's to get a kiss)
Mama Odie: (LAUGHS) Come on over here, you bad boy. Give us a little sugar, now.
Louis: (GAGGING)
Mama Odie: You just loves your mama, don't you? Good to see you again, Ray. How's your grandmama?
Ray: She's fine. Got in a little trouble for flashing the neighbors again.
Mama Odie: Oooh, I like that gal's spunk! (LAUGHING)
(As Mama Odie settled into a chair, Melinda nervously cleared her throat and gathered her courage to speak)
Melinda: Mama Odie. We don't want to take up too much of your time...
Mama Odie: Y'all want some candy?
(She reached into her pocket. She pulled out some lint, some loose change, and an old piece of candy)
Marleen: (STUTTERING) Not really.
Melinda: No, thank you.
Mama Odie: Now, that's too bad. It's a special candy.
(She popped the candy into her mouth)
Mama Odie: Would have turned y'all human.
Marleen & Melinda (Both): Wait! Don't! Please don't take it! No! Please!
Mama Odie: I'm just messing with y'all.
Melinda: How on Earth did you know that we wanted to turn back...
(Mama Odie interrupted with a snore. She had dozed off. Marleen tapped on her nose)
Marleen: Mama Odie?
Mama Odie: (waking suddenly) Juju! Why didn't you tell me my gumbo was burning?
(Mama Odie waddled over to the stove)
Louis: You sure this is the right Queen who lives in the boat in a tree?
Ray: Pretty sure.
Mama Odie: Can't believe this. Got to do everything around here.
(Melinda and Marleen hopped over to the stove)
Melinda: Mama Odie, if you...
Mama Odie: Taste this!
(She shoved a spoonful of gumbo into Melinda's mouth)
Mama Odie: Well?
Melinda: Hit it hard with a couple of shots of Tabasco and it's the bee's knees. Now, can we...
Mama Odie: Juju!
(Quick as a flash, the snake brought a bottle of hit sauce and poured it into the gumbo)
(Mama Odie gave it a taste)
Mama Odie: (EXCLAIMING) That's got some zang to it! That's just what it needed. Now, you figure out what you need?
Melinda: It's just like you said, mama. We need to be human.
Mama Odie: (SCOFFS) Y'all ain't got the sense you was born with! Y'all want to be human but you're blind to what you need!
Marleen: What we want? What we need? Is all the same thing, yes? (EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
Mama Odie: Is the same thing? No! You listen to your mama now.
(SINGING) Don't matter what you look like
Don't matter what you wear
How many rings you got on your finger
We don't care
Heron Choir: (No we don't care)
Don't matter where you come from
Don't even matter you are
A dog, a pig, a cow, a goat
Had them all in here (we had them all in here)
And they all knew what they wanted
What they wanted me to do
I told them what they needed
Just like I be telling you
You got to dig a little deeper
Find out who you are
You got to dig a little deeper
It really ain't that far
When you find out who you are
You'll find out what you need
Blue skies and sunshine guaranteed
You got to dig (Dig)
You got to dig (Dig)
Prince Froggy is a rich little boy
You want to be rich again
That ain't going to make you happy now
Did it make you happy then? No!
Money ain't got no soul
Money ain't got no heart
All you need is some self-control
Make yourself a brand new star!
You got to dig a little deeper
Don't have far to go
You got to dig a little deeper
Tell the people mama told you so
Can't tell you what you'll find
Maybe love will grant you peace of mind
Dig a little deeper and you'll know
MAMA ODIE: Miss Froggy.
Melinda: Ma'am?
Mama Odie: Might I have a word?
Melinda: Yes, ma'am?
Mama Odie: You're a hard one, that's what I heard
Her daddy was a loving man
Family through and through
You're the daddy's daughter
What he had in him you got in you
You got to dig a little deeper
For you it's going to be tough
You got to dig a little deeper
You ain't go near far enough
Going down deep inside yourself
You'll find out what you need
Blue skies and sunshine guaranteed
Open up the windows
Let in the light children
(Blue skies and sunshine)
(Blue skies and sunshine)
Melinda: Blue skies and sunshine
Mama Odie: Guaranteed
Heron Choir: (Ahhh...)
Mama Odie: Well, Miss Froggy, do you understand what you need now, child?
Melinda: Yes. I do, Mama Odie. I need to dig a little deeper and work even harder to get my restaurant.
(The groan from the crowd ensured)
Ray: All right, y'all, one more time! (SINGING) It don't matter what you look like it don't... Nobody is going to sing with Ray? Okay.
Mama Odie: Well, if y'all set on being human, there's only one way.
(INT. SHRIMP BOAT – DAWN. Mama Odie walked back to the stove and stirred the gumbo with her gourd. The thick meal started to glow)
Mama Odie: Gumbo, gumbo in the pot. We need a princess, what you got?
(A vision appeared in the gumbo, and Mama Odie let Melinda take a look. Melinda sees Lily primping in front of a mirror)
Melinda: Lily? But she's not a princess.
Mama Odie: Hush up and look at the gumbo.
(Melinda gazed back at the gumbo and saw Lily still sleeping. Suddenly, the door of her bedroom opened. There was Big Daddy, grinning from ear to ear)
Big Daddy: Ta-da!
(He was dressed like a king. And he was carrying a crown on a pillow. Lily took one look at the crown and eagerly placed it atop her head. Then she gave Big Daddy a kiss of gratitude)
MELINDA: That's right. Big Daddy's King of the anniversary parade. So that makes Lily a princess.
Marleen: Does that count?
Mama Odie: Yes, it does, but only till the clock stroke when the anniversary is over.
(As the gumbo vision disappeared, Marleen thought about what they had just seen: a princess who could kiss a frog–and break the spell! Mama Odie turned to Kermit)
Mama Odie: Hop-along, you only got till then to get that princess to kiss you. Once she does, boom! (CHUCKLES) Y'all both turn human!
Marleen: The stroke?
Melinda: That doesn't give us much time at all.
Louis: What about me, Mama Odie? I want to be human, too, so I can play jazz with the big boys. I want fingers and toes and a bellybutton. Not the kind that sticks out but the kind that goes in.
Mama Odie: Jabber Jaws, you dig a little deeper and you'll find everything you need. Come on, come on, come on. There's a lot to do in the game. Y'all best get dressed.
Louis: Wait! I got a better idea.
(EXT. GREAT WESTERN FORUM – DAY. There was a grand news conference at the Great Western Forum for updates on the remainder of the NBA season. It was unknown whether the season would continue, of if the season would be temporarily stopped until further notice)
FOREMAN: Mr. Commissioner, we've got the place sealed off.
(The health commissioner calms the media down)
Health Commissioner: Quiet! Ladies and gentlemen, please, quiet! Listen. After meeting with team owners, I have decided that until we can guarantee the health and safety of our NBA players, there will be no more basketball this season.
(This caused the press and news people to continue crowding the stadium, wanting to know even more information about what was going on with the NBA players)
(However, it looked like there would be a big basketball game down in Disneyland Resort with the Ultimate Game between the Muppet Squad and the MonStars. The battle of "good vs. evil" is about to begin)
(INT. DISNEYLAND MEMORIAL GARDENS – DAY. "Pump Up the Jam" by Technotronic plays. Around Disneyland, the line at the Disneyland Memorial Gardens were crowded with nothing but citizens and Disney characters from Disney cartoons and films (The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Fantasia, Bambi, Finding Nemo, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, The Incredibles, The Jungle Book, Toy Story, Toy Story 2, Cinderella, Mulan, Monsters, Inc., Ratatouille, Lilo & Stitch, Tarzan, Pinocchio, Alice in Wonderland, Up, Lady and the Tramp, Atlantis: The Lost Empire, A Bug's Life, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Emperor's New Groove, Hercules, Dumbo, The Lion King, Cars, Pocahontas, Sleeping Beauty, Aladdin, and Peter Pan) and Sesame Street characters and Fraggle Rock characters)
(INT. MUPPETS' LOCKER ROOM, DISNEYLAND MEMORIAL GARDENS – DAY. As they were all riding up to the stadium, the Muppet Squad was preparing for the upcoming game in the locker room. Miss Piggy tied some tape around her hands, Kermit was getting dressed, Dr. Teeth tied a rope around his head, Animal was spinning into his uniform, Rowlf, Rizzo, and Pepé were jump roping while Rizzo puts on war paint. Gonzo, for whatever reason, was dressed up in an outfit composed of random objects and whatnot)
Gonzo: Just get out of my way.
(Melinda was getting dressed in their Muppet Squad, same uniform as the practice dunks, and looked at their team with looks of confidence)
Melinda: Ready?
Muppets (All): Yes!
Melinda: Let's go.
(INT. DISNEYLAND MEMORIAL GARDENS – DAY. The citizens of Disneyland were in the stadium, cheering for the home team, the Muppet Squad. Principal Robert is seated in a booth with a good view, and his little Nerdluck slaves were watching)
Principal Robert: Are these the best seats? Like them. Yes. Can see everything from here. Very good.
(INT. BOOTH, DISNEYLAND MEMORIAL GARDENS – DAY. The announcer was busy sleeping, but luckily, LOUIS KAZAGGER and BOBO THE BEAR grabbed a hold of the microphone, and decided to do the play-by-play commentary)
Bobo: Okay. Ready to go?
Louis Kazagger: Yeah, yeah, sure, Uncle Scrooge. Riot.
(He then cleared his throat and spoke in an actual announcer's voice)
Louis Kazagger: (IN DEEP VOICE) Ladies and gentlemen, the starting lineup for the Muppet Squad.
(EXT. DISNEYLAND MEMORIAL GARDENS – DAY. Animal made his entrance)
Louis Kazagger: (V.O.) Standing 2-foot-4, the Crazy Drummer of the Tennessee's: Animal of the Electric Mayhem.
(Animal tosses two basketballs into the air, then grabbing them with his mouth, popping them in the process, then ran off)
Louis Kazagger: (V.O.) At small forward, standing a scintillating 3-foot-2, the Hog of the Divas: Miss Piggy.
(The audience hooted, cheered, and even whistled at her. Miss Piggy received a ball from a fan, dribbled and tossed it, and spun it on her finger)
Louis Kazagger: (V.O.) At power forward, the Clown of Comedies: Fozzie Bear.
(Fozzie comes out)
FOZZIE: Thank you. Thank you.
(But the audience went silent and the only sounds being made was a birds chirping and a man coughing)
Fozzie: (sarcastically) Very funny. Let's all laugh at the weirdo.
(Then, the lights dimmed and the crowd began to stomp and clap to Queen's "We Will Rock You". This is probably due to one of the more-popular Muppets coming out)
Louis Kazagger: (V.O.) And at point guard, standing 3-foot-3, 4 feet if you include the tongue, co-captain of the Muppet Squad, The Doctor of Delight: Kermit the Frog.
(Kermit popped out, receiving mad applause from the audience)
Kermit: Thank you. Thank you. Yay!
(The only ones who were booing at him were the Nerdlucks, who were watching with Principal Robert)
Louis Kazagger: And now, the player-coach of the Muppet Squad, at 6-foot-6, the king and queen's daughter, her Royal Airness: Princess Melinda.
("Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" by C.C. Music Factory is heard as Melinda smiled and ran towards their teammates, receiving mad from the audience)
Principal Robert: Who? Is she a Muppet?
Nerdluck: Uh... Uh, well, perhaps.
(Melinda gathered the team into a huddle, placing their hands out, and the Muppet Squad placed their hands on her)
Melinda: You guys ready?
Fozzie: I'm set to take it to the rack, your Majesty.
Pepé: Those MonStars will wish they'd never been born.
Melinda: Guys, let's just go out and have fun.
Muppets (All): Yeah!
(The lights moved onto the side)
ANNOUNCER: The challengers for the Ultimate Game, all the way from Moron Mountain: The MonStars.
(The Muppet Squad turned their heads, and saw the few of them showing off with half of the audience cheering and booing at them. The lights came on and the teams began to get to their positions. Melinda looked at the MonStars and they were in their street mode, but they did not scare Melinda)
Bang: What are you looking at?
(Pound growled at Animal, making him pass out: Poor little guy. Melinda went up to the center and Blanko did not any signs of hostility, neither did Nawt)
Blanko: (CHUCKLES) Cool shoes.
(MASTERSON THE RAT, the game's referee came to the center with the basketball in his hand)
Masterson: Ready?
(He tossed the ball up, while Blanko and Melinda jumped up to get it. She knocked the ball away from Blanko, whizzing past Pound's head as Kermit caught it)
Kermit: l got it, I got it, I got it. I got the ball. I got the ball.
(Pound backhanded him really hard after he was dribbling, sending him to the floor. Melinda winced as Pound received the ball and dunked, scoring two points for the MonStars)
Principal Robert: Way to go, boys. Did you see the moves on that one?
(Masterson tossed it to Animal, who passed it to Melinda. She was dribbling the ball and the MonStars surrounded her)
BANG: Come on, show me something. Come on, show me something.
(Pound blocked Melinda with his arms out and tried to get past her, but Melinda instead passed the ball to Gonzo, so he could score)
Gonzo: Whoops.
Bupkus: The stunt.
(He and the other MonStars began to go after Gonzo, scaring him because he basically had nowhere else to go)
BUPKUS: Yeah, beat up on the stunt.
Pound: Get that stunt, man!
(Gonzo instead tossed the ball to the bench where the other team members, Sam the Eagle and Tulip were sitting. Sam the Eagle caught it, and the MonStars saw the ball and they dog-piled on the other! Sam the Eagle was in a tangled mess and he saw spangled stars flying around his head)
Sam the Eagle: Oh, my.
(Miss Piggy gave Gonzo a long stare as he made an excuse in his defense)
Miss Piggy: How could you?
Gonzo: He was wide open.
(Miss Piggy just rolled his eyes, and walked back to his position. The MonStars had the ball now as Pound passed it to Nawt, who speeded past Miss Piggy, and passed it to Bupkus, who dunked and scored)
(Now, Melinda had the ball, and was dribbling it to the other side)
NAWT: Watch it, coming your way. Watch out, watch out.
(Nawt tried to block Melinda, but she went past the red alien with ease)
BANG: Get her.
(She made his way to the hoop, where Pound and Bang were waiting. They tired to block the ball away from her as she dunked, but she made it into the hoop, and earned her team two points)
(MonStars: 06, Muppet Squad: 02)
(The little aliens were giving Principal Robert a massage, and they all saw Melinda score two points for the Muppet Squad)
Principal Robert: How does she do that?
(He was angry at that move and pounded his fist on the table. The MonStars had the ball as Blanko passed it to Pound and Scooter complimented)
Scooter: Nice shot, Mrs. Princess.
(She noticed Pound passing the ball to Nawt and he was making his way over to Bupkus)
Melinda: Hey, hey, come on. Get back on defense.
(They tried to stop Nawt, but they were too late. Nawt passed it to Bupkus, and scored two points as the aliens with Principal Robert cheered, and did a little victory dance)
Principal Robert: Way to go!
(It was now the second quarter and the MonStars continued to beat the Muppets)
Kermit: Air M! Air M!
(He passed the ball to Melinda. She caught and looked at the MonStars)
MonStars: Red light.
Pepé: Feed me. Feed me.
(Rowlf grabbed him)
Rowlf: Feed you? Feed me.
(He stuffed Pepé into his mouth. Melinda managed to throw the ball to Rowlf and hit him in the stomach, making him spit Pepé out)
Pepé: Bad dog.
(Pound picked up the ball)
POUND: I'll take that, thank you.
(He made his way to the hoop)
MonStar Pound: Don't try this at home.
(Pound then dunked the ball, earning his team two more points. Lew Zealand got the ball and was dribbling the ball with ease, singing to himself)
Lew Zealand: (SINGING) I wish I was in the land of cott...
(However, Bang blocked his path, standing on fours like a lion about to pounce)
Bang: You going somewhere?
(Lew Zealand stopped)
Lew Zealand: May I remind you, sir, that physical violence is patently against the rules.
(Bang took a deep breath, arched his neck, and blew fire out of his mouth like a dragon would. Lew Zealand was burnt to a crisp)
Lew Zealand: Yeow! (old Kentucky Fried Chicken saying) Did you order Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?
(The boomerang fish dissolved into ashes on the court. Melinda walked over to the bench to pick another player)
Melinda: Let's go.
(She did not expect BEAN BUNNY to come out on the court, ready to play)
Bean Bunny: Me? Oh, boy. I'm ready. I can do this.
(He ran towards the court with a smile. Tulip, Rowlf, Animal, Dr. Teeth, and Beaker looked on, but Rowlf and Beaker snickered)
Tulip: The bunny? You picked the bunny?
(Bean Bunny ran over to the court and was talking Blanko's ear off)
Bean Bunny: I love basketball. I always have. Do you?
Blanko: Uh-huh.
Bean Bunny: You're big. I bet you're good.
Blanko: Right.
Bean Bunny: I'm small, but I'll try hard to be good.
Blanko: Okay. Yeah.
Bean Bunny: Really, I will. I always try hard. My mom says, "Try your best in everything you do..."
(However, Blanko accidentally dropped the ball, and squished Bean Bunny like a bug)
Crowd: Oh!
(Miss Piggy was making her way to the basket and Pound and Bang were blocking her)
Pound: Try and get by me, doll.
Miss Piggy: "Doll"?
(She leaped up, dribbled Pound's face with her sneakers, and dunked! The Muppet Squad at the bench cheered)
Miss Piggy: Don't ever call me ''doll.''
Kermit: Nice shot.
Miss Piggy: Thanks, Kermie.
(The MonStars had the ball now. Floyd has Bang at guitar point. Bupkus was dribbling the ball as Melinda tried to block her. However, Pound came up from behind and grabbed Melinda)
Pound: Where's your defense, girl? I got you right here.
(Bupkus made his way over the hoop)
Bupkus: 911.
(He jumped and dunked)
(Principal Robert was getting more and more excited, while the Nerdlucks were serving him breakfast)
Nerdluck: Piece of pie? Pork chop? Some sorbet, perhaps?
(The game went on as the MonStars were beating the Muppets)
(Muppet Squad: 18, MonStars: Kinda one-sided, isn't it?)
(Pound made his way to the hoop, jumped with a roar, and slammed the ball into the hoop)
(The buzzer buzzed as Masterson fired a gun to signal the half-time period)
Masterson: Half-time.
(The bullet blew a hole through Rowlf's stomach as Pepé jumped right through it)
Pepé: Holy dog.
(The Muppet Squad were all looking sad as the MonStars gave them mean faces and high-five each other)
BUPKUS: Yeah, man, we got it going on. One more half.
POUND: Right, man. We got them.
(The Muppet Squad were walking away with their heads hanging down in defeat)
Rowlf: Moron Mountain, here we come.
Dr. Teeth: We're gonna be slaves.
Floyd: Aw, man! I don't want to be a slave on Moron Mountain! Everyone is going to make fun of us for that. Besides, I highly doubt that Moron Mountain would be cool enough for my standards.
Rizzo: Floyd, I am just curious. Just what standards do you have for something to be cool in your eyes?
Floyd: It has to be respected in the streets and it needs to be recommended by my homies.
(Rizzo raised an eyebrow at him)
Floyd: What? Those two things don't sound like good standards for you? Well, excuse me!
(Rizzo just rolled his eyes at his brother's comments while Melinda kept her head up)
Melinda: Come on, guys, keep your heads up. Got a whole other half to play.
(Everyone walked away as Tulip snuck towards the MonStars' locker room to find out her secret. There was no way that they would be playing this good)
(The NEWSMAN is giving the speech in the court)
Newsman: This just in: The first half passed. The second half will start after the anniversary is over.
(EXT. MARK TWAIN RIVERBOAT WAITING LINE, FRONTIERLAND – DAY. The Muppet Squad went to the Mark Twain Riverboat. Ray whistled a signal. Kermit, Melinda, Marleen, and the Muppet Squad board the boat, Looking around to make sure they would not be seen)
(Louis followed. Suddenly, the group heard some people coming around the corner)
Louis: They got guns!
(The Muppet Squad were able to hide, but not Louis! He was too big! The costume-clad musicians took one look at Fozzie and laughed)
Jaguar Guy: Man, that is one killer-diller costume!
Pig Guy: Hey, dude, can you blow that horn?
(Louis blows trumpet. This was his big chance! Barely hesitating, the bear followed them as they went off to play in a real band)
Ray: We can't miss this! Little Louis's going to finally play with the big boys!
(Smiling, the Muppet Squad followed, wanting to sneak a peek at Louis's big musical debut)
Melinda: Marleen, you coming?
Marleen: Oh! I'll catch up with you later.
(Melinda and his others left. Marleen saw pieces in the ground. He picks it up and starts inventing)
(EXT. MARK TWAIN RIVERBOAT – DAY. Meanwhile, Marleen walked into another direction and quickly fashioned a makeshift ring. Once he finished it, he held on to what he hoped would soon be Melinda's engagement ring. Then he looked up to the Evening Star)
Marleen: Oh, Evangeline. Why can't I just look Melinda in the eye and say, "I will do whatever it takes to make all your dreams come true because... Because I love you."?
(Just then, Ray appeared)
Ray: Whoa, whoa, whoa, cap! You making goo-goo eyes on my girl?
(Ray lifted his fists, prepared to fight for the honor of the girl that Marleen would love)
Ray: That does it! Put them up! I'm going to make some shoes out of you!
Marleen: No, Ray! I am not in love with Evangeline. I'm in love with Melinda!
(For a moment, everything stood still–even Ray. Then the firefly burst out)
Ray: Ooh! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! You come here, you.
Marleen: And I can no longer marry Miss Lily LaBouff.
Ray: You're going to be happy together!
Marleen: I'll find another way to get Melinda and the others a restaurant.
Ray: They're going to have the cutest little tadpole children!
Marleen: They will get a job. Maybe two. Maybe three.
Ray: I can't wait to tell chere!
Marleen: No, no, no. I must tell her. Alone.
Ray: Right, you rascal!
(EXT. MARK TWAIN RIVERBOAT – DAY. Marleen takes Melinda to show something)
MELINDA: Where you taking me?
Marleen: I just wanted to show you a little something to celebrate our day together as lovers.
(He guided her to the top of the top level of the steamboat. The view was spectacular. Melinda gasped when she saw the beautiful table set with candles and food)
Melinda: (GASPS) Oh! All my years no one's ever done anything like this for me. (LAUGHS)
Marleen: It is too much, is it not? Thank you, Beaux.
Beaux: I thought it was a nice touch.
(Beaux flies off)
Marleen: Pretend you did not see that. Please, please, sit down.
(Marleen walks Melinda over to the table. Kermit sets the plate down)
Melinda: What's this?
(Marleen removes top from dish to reveal fries)
Marleen: Ta-da!
Melinda: You minced!
Marleen: I did! You have had quite an influence on me, which is amazing because I have dated thousands of women and... No, like two, three, just other women. And anyway, listen. You could not be more different, you know? You are practically, one of the guys. No, no, no. You are not a guy. Let me begin again.
(He leans on table, which made him fall and fries spilled over his head)
Marleen: I'm not myself tonight. Melinda! Sorry, that was loud. This is a disaster.
Melinda: No. It's cute. (CHUCKLES)
(Everything was perfect. Marleen was getting ready to present the ring)
Marleen: Melinda, I…
Melinda: (GASPS) There it is!
(Melinda burst out excitedly. Unaware of what Marleen was doing, she pointed to the shore. She could see the cottage)
Marleen: Your restaurant?
Melinda: Oh, can you just picture it? All lit up like the Fourth of July.
Marleen: Yes. Jazz pouring out from every window!
Melinda: It should be elegant.
Marleen: But you got to keep it loose, though. Got to let it swing.
Melinda: You know a good ukulele player?
Marleen: Really? You let me perform?
Melinda: I'll talk to the owner. Owner says yes.
Marleen: (EXCLAIMS)
Melinda: Folks are going to be coming together from all walks of life just to get a bit of our food.
Marleen: Our food?
Melinda: Huh? Oh, no. My daddy. We always wanted to open this restaurant. He died before he could see it happen. But tomorrow, with your help, our dream is finally coming true.
Marleen: Tomorrow?
Melinda: If I don't deliver that money first thing tomorrow, I lose this place forever.
Marleen: (SIGHS) Melinda, I love the way you light up when you talk about your dream. A dream that... It is so beautiful, I... I promise I will do whatever it takes to make it come true.
(The steamboat signaled its arrival at the docks)
Captain: (O.S.) Port of Frontierland, all ashore!
Marleen: I'll go round up the boys.
(He leaves. Alone, Melinda turned to look up at the Evening Star and spoke to her)
Melinda: (SIGHS) Evangeline, I've always been so sure about what I wanted, but now I… What do I do? Please tell me.
(Melinda simply couldn't understand why, when her lifelong dream was about to come true, she felt something else tugging at her heart)
(But Evangeline merely twinkled back at the confused princess. It was as if the star knew that Melinda had to figure this out by herself)
(On the lower level of the boat, Kermit found the shadows)
Kermit: Ah! There you are! I've been searching everywhere for you guys since we got separated. The sideburns are coming in nice, huh? Got to be excited about that. (CLEARS THROAT) Anyhow, I just wanted to say I shouldn't have split, but I think it's for the best.
(The shadows approached. And then he ran. He ran as fast as he could. From behind him, he heard a loud clatter and some thumps)
(Kermit looked back warily)
PRINCIPAL ROBERT: Kermit the Frog!
Kermit: Father?
(Principal Robert had arrived)
Principal Robert: What's going on up there?
(Principal Robert's eyes grew wide when he saw Kermit standing above him)
Principal Robert: Are you all right?
Kermit: I'm the lost prince.
(Principal Robert tried to dismiss it all)
Principal Robert: (SIGHS) Please speak up, Kermit. You know how I hate the mumbling.
Kermit: (LOUDLY) I am the lost prince. Aren't I? Did I mumble, Father? Or should I even call you that?
(Principal Robert froze. His mind ran wild. His secret was finally exposed. Desperately, he tried to regain control)
Principal Robert: Oh, Kermit, do you even hear yourself? Why would you ask such a ridiculous question?
(Kermit walked past Principal Robert and went down the stairs. Principal Robert had lied to him. He had been lying to him ever since he had lived on Moron Mountain in outer space)
Kermit: It was you! It was all you!
(Now he was thinking of Melinda. Principal Robert had set her up)
Principal Robert: Everything I did was to protect you.
Kermit: (GRUNTS)
Principal Robert: Kermit!
Kermit: I've spent my entire life hiding from people who would use me for my power...
Principal Robert: Kermit!
Kermit: ...when I should have been hiding from you!
Principal Robert: Where will you go? They won't be there for you.
(Kermit turned and looked at him)
Kermit: What did you do to them?
(He felt his heart swell, his love for Melinda, Marleen and the Muppets giving him the courage to stand up to Principal Robert at last)
Principal Robert: (cruel) You and your friends are to become attractions for Moron Mountain.
Kermit: (GASPS) No.
(Principal Robert could see that Kermit was upset, and he moved closer to make the most of the opportunity)
Principal Robert: Now, now, it's all right. Listen to me. All of this is as it should be.
(Abruptly, Kermit grasped Principal Robert's outstretched arm)
Kermit: No! You were wrong about the world. And you were wrong about me! And I will never let you use my hair again!
(Kermit twisted Principal Robert's arm and pushed him away. The principal stumbled backward and crashed into the mirror. The mirror shattered, its broken shards dropping to the floor. Kermit turned and defiantly walked away)
(Principal Robert glared at him)
Principal Robert: (SOFTLY) You want me to be the bad guy? Fine, now I'm the bad guy.
(Now Principal Robert had no other chance...)
(On another part of the boat, a shadow slowly crept up between Marleen. The shadow latched on to the frog, and nobody was nearby to rescue him. A mass of shadows dragged him away)
(EXT. LABOUFF ESTATE – DAY. It was the biggest day of the year in Disneyland Park. It was its 55th anniversary, and Lily was dressed for the occasion. She had on the grandest wedding gown that any Disneyland princess had ever worn)
(She rushed across the LABOUFF estate and knocked excitedly on the door of the bachelor quarters)
Lily: Prince Marleen, darling. You better hurry up. Don't want to be late for our anniversary wedding.
(Lawrence was still his roly-poly self and fretting wildly)
Lawrence: Um... Getting dressed! Just a few minutes, my dearest heart.
Lily: Okay, honey lamb. We'll been waiting in the Packard. Daddy, start the car!
(INT. BACHELOR QUARTERS, LABOUFF ESTATE – DAY.)
Lawrence: Oh, my heavens, I'm doomed!
(Dr. Facilier hits Lawrence with his card)
Lawrence: Ow!
Dr. Facilier: No, Larry! I'm the one who's doomed. Unless we get that frog's blood in…
(Suddenly, a loud rattle came from the window. The air chilled as Lawrence and Dr. Facilier turned and watched a swarm of ominous shadows slipping into the room)
(The shadows were dragging a green frog. It was Marleen)
Dr. Facilier: We are back in business, boys!
(Dr. Facilier grabbed Marleen)
Marleen: Get your filthy hands off me! Lawrence!
(Then Marleen recognized his valet)
Lawrence: (CHUCKLING) Oh, now hold still, Your Eminence.
(Lawrence approached Marleen, ready to use the frog to replenish the magic in his talisman. The valet had no intention of helping the froggy prince. Marleen was on his own)
(EXT. MAIN STREET USA, DISNEYLAND PARK – DAY. Meanwhile, Melinda was watching Louis proudly marching off the riverboat–with a band!)
All: (CHANTING) Anniversary! Anniversary!
(The Melinda saw Ray)
Melinda: Ray! Have you seen Marleen?
Ray: Look at you. Where the ring at?
Melinda: What are you talking about?
(Ray considered his options)
Ray: Well, if Cap didn't say anything, I ain't going to say nothing because old Ray's sealed up tight as a drum. You ain't getting nothing out of me, no!
Melinda: Ray.
Ray: Okay, Cap not going to marry Miss Lily, he going to marry you! Soon as he gets himself kissed and y'all both turn human, he's going to find a job, get you that restaurant... (GASPS) I said too much, didn't I?
Melinda: You said just enough, Ray! Thank you, Evangeline.
(Melinda raced off to find Marleen. Ray followed her. They reached the Disneyland Parade making its way down Main Street USA)
(EXT. MAIN STREET USA, DISNEYLAND PARK – DAY. Huge floats full of Disney characters including Tinker Bell, Cinderella, Belle, Beast, Ariel, Mary Poppins, Bert, Woody, Jessie, Aladdin, and Jasmine threw shiny colored beads into the cheering crowds)
(Melinda walked through the crowd)
Melinda: He was trying to propose! That's what all that fumbling was about! And here I thought all he wanted was to marry a rich girl!
Ray: Chere! What are we looking for again?
Melinda: You just keep your eyes out for the biggest gaudiest float with a Disney princess about to kiss herself a... (GASPS) A frog.
(She saw a huge wedding cake float came down the street. On top was Lily dressed in her fabulous white gown, but next to her was no Marleen. Melinda froze. It was Prince Marleen–dashing, handsome, and human! And he was going to marry Lily! Somehow he must have already kissed her and become human, leaving Melinda to live the rest of her life as a frog)
Reverend: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today in this fine celebration to join together this prince and this young woman in holy matrimony.
Ray: Oh, no. This can't be right, darling. And how you can still be a basketball player? Mama Odie, she's… (GASPS)
(He looked at poor Melinda. She was crushed. She ran from the parade, not knowing that the "prince" on the float was really Lawrence. With nowhere else to go, she sadly walked into the Plaza Gardens)
(EXT. PLAZA GARDENS, MAIN STREET USA – DAY. Ray flew through the gardens and tried to comfort her)
Ray: I know what we seen with our eyes, but if we just go back that way, we're going to find out your fairy tale come true.
Melinda: Just because you wish for something doesn't make it true.
Ray: It's like Evangeline always said to me...
Melinda: Evangeline is nothing but a star, Ray! A big ball of hot air a million miles from here! Open your eyes now, before you get hurt.
(She ran away, leaving Ray alone)
(Ray looked at the Evening Star as tears welled up his eyes)
Ray: She just speaking out a broken heart. That's all it is. Come on, Evangeline. We're going to show chere the truth!
(EXT. TOWN SQUARE, MAIN STREET USA – DAY. The wedding ceremony was still going on as the royal float approached the Emporium. Dr. Facilier was enjoying the sight from a crowd. He cannot wait for the couple to say, "I do")
Reverend: If any of you objects to the union of this two people, speak now or forever hold your plea.
(INT. CHEST, WEDDING CAKE – DAY. But Marleen couldn't wait to stop them! From the big chest where he was imprisoned)
Marleen: Me! Me! I object!
(He used his frog tongue to reach outside through the tiny lock. Very slowly, he stuck his tongue to the floor of the float and began inching himself and the chest closer to Lawrence's back)
(EXT. WEDDING CAKE – DAY.)
REVEREND: Do you, Prince Marleen, take Lily to be your wedded wife?
(Ray flew to the wedding cake)
Ray: Cap, what you doing, son?
(Lawrence swatted him away until he saw Marleen's tongue sticking out and stepped on it SQUISH!)
Marleen: (GROANS)
REVEREND: …as long as you both shall live?
Lawrence: What? I do! Yes, I'm for it.
Reverend: Do you, Lily LaBouff...
(Luckily, Ray spotted the flattened bungee and flew right over to the chest where the frog was imprisoned)
Ray: Is that you, Cap?
MARLEEN: Ray! Get me out of this box!
Ray: I can't hear you! We're going to get you out this box!
(Ray flexed his muscles and flew toward Marleen. The problem was–could he rescue Marleen in time for the frog to stop the wedding?)
(Ray flew right into the lock on the chest. They twisted and turned while Marleen waited)
Reverend: ...to keep yourself only unto him, as long as you both shall live?
Lily: Oh, I do.
(Finally, after great effort, the lock sprang open! Marleen hopped out of the chest)
REVEREND: And so, by the power invested in me by the state of California. I now pronounce you man and...
(The wedding was almost over! Marleen jumped onto Lawrence's neck, grabbed the talisman, and held on tight)
(Lawrence starting jerking around)
Lily: Prince Marleen!
(EXT. TOWN SQUARE, MAIN STREET USA – DAY.)
Dr. Facilier: (GRUNTS ANGRILY)
(Lawrence stumbled backward and fell into the street below)
(Lily was mortified)
Lily: Goodness gracious! Are you all right?
Lawrence: I just need a moment to compose myself.
(He gets to his feet. He was clutching the frog behind his back)
LILY: Cheese and crackers!
(She saw him duck into the Emporium)
(INT. EMPORIUM, MAIN STREET USA – DAY. Marleen tried to free himself from Lawrence's grip)
MARLEEN: Lawrence, why are you doing this?
Lawrence: As payback for all those years of humiliation.
(None of this had escaped the notice of Dr. Facilier. He stepped out of the shadows)
Dr. Facilier: Get your royal rump back on that wedding cake and finish this deal!
(Marleen shot his long tongue out and easily ripped the talisman off Lawrence's neck. Lawrence transformed back into himself–a short, squat valet)
Dr. Facilier: What's he doing? Stop him!
(Ray enter the Emporium and saw the valet)
LAWRENCE: Give it to me!
(Marleen quickly tossed the talisman to Ray)
Ray: I got it!
(But as the weight of the talisman pulled him down, the firefly moaned)
Ray: It got me, too.
Lawrence: Let go of that!
Dr. Facilier: Stay out of sight!
(At the same time, a horde of shadowed demons appeared from the crowd and hurried in Ray's direction)
(EXT. MAIN STREET USA, DISNEYLAND PARK – DAY. Ray flew right past Louis, who was playing with the riverboat band in the parade. Everyone still thought he was a person in an alligator suit)
Louis: Ray?
(He could see that Ray was no match for the shadows that were hot on his trail)
Pig Guy: Hey, why did you stop?
(The big gator tucked his trumpet under his arm and left the spotlight behind)
MAN: He's a real gator!
(But Louis was too slow to keep up with his friend. He lumbered far behind the shadows, which were chasing Ray straight toward Sleeping Beauty Castle)
(EXT. SLEEPING BEAUTY CASTLE ENTRANCE – DAY. Melinda was alone at the entrance to the castle when she turned and saw Ray)
Ray: (O.S.) Chere! Chere!
Melinda: Ray?
(Ray threw the talisman to her)
Ray: This proves what we saw ain't what we thought we saw!
(Melinda grabbed the charm)
Melinda: What is this?
Ray: It's a voodoo hayacall. The Shadow Man, he been using it for the…
(The sinister shadows appeared out of nowhere and surrounded her)
Ray: You can't let Shadow Man get this, no matter what! Now run, girl! Run!
(Melinda raced away with Dr. Facilier's shadow close behind her)
Ray: Don't make me light my butt!
(As the other shadows approached, Ray fended them off by blasting them with his light)
Ray: I'm going to get you! I got a lot more of me! Come here, you! (LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY) Who's next?
(Just then, Dr. Facilier came upon the firefly and swatted them. Ray tumbled to the ground, and the evil doctor stepped on him. The firefly was in bad shape when Louis found them)
Louis: Ray!
(Until he saw Ray lying still in the ground)
Louis: Ray?
(EXT. FANTASYLAND, DISNEYLAND – DAY. Melinda was still running, but when Dr. Facilier caught up with her, she stopped and faced him and the deadly shadows)
Melinda: Back off, or I'll break this thing into a million pieces!
(Dr. Facilier waved his hand and blew a light powder toward her)
(Something was changing. Suddenly, Melinda felt like a princess. She was in the restaurant of her dreams, surrounded by elegance)
(INT. MELINDA'S RESTAURANT – IMAGINATION. Her food had brought people together to share and enjoy good rimes, just as Melinda's father, King Williams had said it would. She was a success!)
(The crowd in the restaurant parted, and Melinda saw Dr. Facilier)
Dr. Facilier: Now, isn't this a whole lot better than hopping around the bayou for the rest of your life?
Melinda: Shadow Man.
Dr. Facilier: (CHUCKLES) Got to hand it to you, Melinda. When you dream, you dream big. Just look at this place. Going to be the crown jewel of the Crescent City! And all you got to do to make this a reality is hand over that little old talisman of mine.
Melinda: No. This is not right.
Dr. Facilier: Come on now, darling. Think of everything you've sacrificed.
(The visions of Georgia and Violet at Red Rocket's Pizza Pot, appeared in the pink smoke)
Georgia: Girl, all you ever do is work.
Violet: I told y'all she wouldn't come.
Dr. Facilier: Think of all those naysayers who doubted you.
(The visions appeared again with Buford and Statler & Waldorf)
Buford: You're never going to get enough for the down payment.
Statler: ...little woman of your background, you're better off where you're at.
Dr. Facilier: And don't forget your poor daddy.
(Using the curtains to reveal the screen of King Williams and Melinda as a child on stage)
Dr. Facilier: Now, that was one hard working man.
MAN: See you in the morning, Star.
DR. FACILIER: Double, sometimes triple shifts.
(King Williams got home, tired and flexing his bones)
Dr. Facilier: Never letting on how bone tired, beat down he really was.
MELINDA: Daddy!
King Williams: Hey, baby cakes!
DR. FACILIER: Shame on that hard work, didn't amount much more than a busted up, old gumbo pot. And a dream that never get off the back porch. But you? You can give your poor daddy everything he ever wanted. Come on, Melinda. You're almost there.
(Melinda tries to put the talisman into Dr. Facilier's hand, steady)
Melinda: My daddy never did get what he wanted.
(She finally knew exactly what to do)
Melinda: But he had what he needed. He had love. He never lost sight of what was really important.
Dr. Facilier: Easy with that. Careful.
Melinda: And neither will I!
(Melinda raised the talisman and threw it to the ground. But before it reaches the ground, the shadow caught it and gives it to Dr. Facilier. Instantly, everything changed)
(EXT. FANTASYLAND, DISNEYLAND – DAY. She felt herself becoming a basketball player back in Fantasyland again)
Dr. Facilier: Y'all should have taken my deal.
(He pins Melinda to the ground with his cane)
Dr. Facilier: Now you're going to spend the rest of your life being a slimy, little frog.
(But Melinda knew it! She glared at Dr. Facilier)
Melinda: I've got news for you, Shadow Man. It's not slime. It's mucus!
(She shot her frog tongue out and snatches the talisman from Dr. Facilier's hand and she had a chance to smash it. CRASH!)
Dr. Facilier: No! No!
(He looked at the broken talisman)
Dr. Facilier: How am I ever going to pay back my debt?
(Just then, the voodoo masks appeared)
Dr. Facilier: Friends!
Masks: (SINGING) Are you ready?
Dr. Facilier: No! I'm not ready at all! In fact, I got lots more plans.
Masks: Are you ready?
Dr. Facilier: This is just a minor setback in a major operation. (SCREAMS)
(Monster hands crumble from the ground. It was the voodoo dolls)
Dr. Facilier: As soon as I whip up another spell, we'll be back in business! I still got that froggy prince locked away! I just need a little more time.
(A giant voodoo mask appeared in front of Dr. Facilier)
Dr. Facilier: No, please! (EXCLAIMING)
(The shadows begins dragging Dr. Facilier to the mask's mouth)
Dr. Facilier: Just a little more time!
(They were ready to command the shadows to take the doctor away)
Dr. Facilier: I promise I'll pay y'all back! I promise!
(In an instant, he went into the dragon's mouth and vanished forever. KABOOM! It left the grave in the floor that says: DR. FACILIER, THE SHADOW MAN)
(Melinda took a deep breath and she ran down to the parade as fast as she could. She had to find Marleen)
(EXT. TOWN SQUARE, MAIN STREET USA – DAY. Lily got mad, knocking madly on the door to the Emporium)
Lily: Prince! Prince Marleen! Your shy and retiring bride-to-be is getting antsy! (GRUNTS)
(She slammed the doors open)
(INT. EMPORIUM, MAIN STREET USA – DAY.)
Lawrence: (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Hello, darling.
(Lily saw that he wasn't the real Marleen. He was a fat man!)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(Lawrence rushed away from Lily)
Marleen: Miss LaBouff! Please, down here! Allow me to introduce myself. I am the real Prince Marleen!
(The book slammed down on top of the frog)
Marleen: (WEAKLY) Of Maldonia.
Lily: (GASPS) Did you say "Prince"?
(EXT. TOWN SQUARE, MAIN STREET USA – DAY. Melinda walked over just in time to watch Lawrence being dragged away by police officers)
Big Daddy: Boys, drag this maggot down to the parish prison.
(The police officers put Lawrence in the van)
Lawrence: I'm completely innocent! Now, the Shadow Man bamboozled me!
(The officer slams the door on him)
Lily: Goodness gracious. This is so much to absorb. Let me see if I got this right. If I kiss you before the stroke, you and Melinda will turn human again? And then we're gonna get ourselves married and live happily ever after, the end!
Marleen: Yeah, more or less. But remember, you must give Melinda all the money she requires for her restaurant. Because Melinda, she is my Evangeline.
(Melinda's eyes filled with tears. Marleen really loved her)
LILY: Anything you want, sugar. Pucker up, buttercup.
(Marleen was about to kiss until her voice cried out)
MELINDA: Wait!
Marleen: Melinda?
Lily: Melinda?
Melinda: Don't do this.
Marleen: I have to do this. And we're running out of time.
Melinda: I won't let you!
Marleen: It's the only way to get to your dream!
(Melinda watched as Marleen turned back toward Lily to kiss her)
Melinda: My dream? My dream wouldn't be complete without you in it.
(Marleen turned and looked at Melinda. It was getting closer and closer to the stroke!)
Melinda: I love you, Marleen.
Marleen: Warts and all?
Melinda: Warts and all.
(Marleen took Melinda in his arms)
(Lily burst into tears of joy)
Lily: (SNIFFLES) All my life, I read about true love in fairy tales and, Millie, you found it!
(She took out a lacy hanky, dabbed her eyes)
Lily: I'll kiss him. For you, honey. No marriage required.
(She held the frog to her lips just as the clock chimed)
Lily: Oh my word! Maybe that old clock's a little fast!
(Then she kissed him. Nothing happened. She kissed him again, but Marleen was still a frog)
Lily: I'm so sorry.
(Marleen and Melinda stared at each other and joined hands. Marleen don't love being a frog, but he loved Melinda)
LOUIS: Melinda! Marleen!
(Louis came running toward them with a sorrowful look on his face)
MARLEEN: Louis, what is it?
Louis: Shadow Man had laid poor Ray low.
Melinda: Ray.
Louis: He's hurting awful bad.
(He revealed Ray. He was lying there, his light barely glowing)
(Ray opened his eyes. They brightened when he saw Melinda)
Ray: Hey, chere, how come you're still...
Melinda: We're staying frogs, Ray.
Marleen: And we're staying together.
(Ray smiled)
Ray: Oh! (SPEAKS FRENCH) I like that very much.
(Then the little firefly looked up)
Ray: Evangeline likes that, too.
(And with that, his light slowly dimmed)
(Melinda, Marleen, and Louis bowed their heads as the rain began to fall. Their tears mixed with the downpour as Ray's light went out)
(INT. MONSTARS' LOCKER ROOM, DISNEYLAND MEMORIAL GARDENS – DAY. The MonStars broke the door to their locker room down, and ran inside. They were filled with glee and excitement for their victory, and were giving each other high-fives. Bang pulled Pound into a headlock, and gave him a victory noogie. Their celebration was cut short when someone entered the room, and the looks on their faces showed pure fear)
Bupkus: It's the boss.
(Principal Robert was in the room, lighting up a cigar)
(The MonStars all pulled fake enthusiastic smiles and greeted)
MonStars (All): Hello, Principal Robert.
(Principal Robert walked over to the boys and gave them a pep talk)
Principal Robert: All right. Not bad for the first half, but we gotta keep this up.
Pound: Hey, no problem. We stole...
(Nawt interrupted him and started talking fast)
Nawt: We stole talent from the best players in the NBA.
(Tulip found her way in the locker room by climbing through the vents and hid in one of the lockers)
Tulip: From the NBA.
Nawt: (babbling rapidly) There was Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, Shawn Bradley, Muggsy Bogues, and uh-uh-'Grandmama' ... oh, yeah. Larry Johnson.
(Principal Robert brushed Nawt away roughly)
Principal Robert: Shut up.
(Suddenly, something began to catch his attention, and he sniffed the air)
Principal Robert: I smell something.
(Blanko sniffed his underarm, and thought the odor was from him and his buddies)
Blanko: Uh, we have been playing really hard.
(The other MonStars agreed)
Principal Robert: Not you, you idiot.
(Principal Robert suddenly realized where it was coming from, noticing the smell of perfume and pixie dust, and looked at one of the lockers)
Principal Robert: It's coming from over here.
(Tulip tried not to make a sound, and saw Blanko leaned over to where they were at and he found her locker)
POUND: That locker.
(Blanko sniffed, and ripped the hinges off of the locker door. The MonStars came closer, and found Tulip)
Bang: Look. It's the beautiful teenager.
(Principal Robert came towards Tulip)
Principal Robert: Ah. It smells like a spy.
(Tulip covered her eyes as they began to prepare for the worst)
Tulip: You guys need a publicist? I can make you big. Ha, ha.
(INT. MUPPETS' LOCKER ROOM, DISNEYLAND MEMORIAL GARDENS – DAY. While Tulip was dealing with the MonStars and Principal Robert, Melinda is giving the Muppet Squad a pep talk to give them some confidence to try hard)
Melinda: I know we're down.
FOZZIE: Yeah. Let's hear the story.
Melinda: But I've been in this situation many times before. We can still win this thing. It's not over with.
We gotta come together. We gotta believe in ourselves. We can win this game.
FOZZIE: Yeah, right. That's gonna help us.
(However, by the look on the Muppet Squad's faces, they felt that there would be no way that they could beat the MonStars, until the door opened, and saw Tulip, burnt by the MonStars and covered in soot)
Fozzie: (elbows Beaker and pokes Zoot) Looks like Tulip just had a close encounter with a bug-zapper.
Tulip: MonStars. The MonStars.
(She tried to say, but she is shaking and looked pretty scared)
(Tulip nearly fell, but Miss Piggy, Kermit, and Crazy Harry caught Tulip respectively, and sat her down on the bench)
FOZZIE: Ooh. That's gotta hurt.
Melinda: You all right, Tulip?
Tulip: The MonSt... The MonStars stole the talent from the NBA players.
(All of the Muppet Squad gasped, and sighed with disappointment)
Melinda: So that's what happened to those guys.
Scooter: I think we should qui... Forfeit.
Muppets (All): Yeah.
Floyd: Scooter, are you crazy? Listen, I love watching monster movies and all of that jazz, but I do not want to be slaves to a bunch of low-brow, bug-eyed, fat-headed, humor-challenged aliens like Green Stuff said!
(Melinda turned to Scooter)
Melinda: I didn't get dragged down here just to get my butt whipped by a bunch of ugly MonStars. (while Scooter faints) I ain't going out like that. We're letting them push us around. We gotta fight them back. We gotta take it to them. We gotta get right in their faces. What do you say? Are you with me or not?
(The Muppet Squad were all falling asleep and snored loudly. Kermit, Miss Piggy, and Tulip were the only ones that actually listened)
Tulip: That was a good speech, Melinda.
(Melinda smiled sadly and turned his attention to Kermit, who brought a water bottle over to them)
Kermit: Finished? Great speech and all, Melinda. You had them riveted. But, uh, didn't you forget something?
(Melinda raised an eyebrow)
Melinda: What?
(Kermit showed him a water bottle that was labeled "MELINDA'S SECRET STUFF")
Kermit: Your secret stuff.
(He guzzled the water bottle and he grew a lot of muscles. This caught the Muppets' attention when they woke up, while he was flexing his muscles. He could regain the Muppet Squad's confidence)
Miss Piggy: Wow.
Gonzo: Whoa, nice deltoids.
(Kermit went back to his normal shape as he winked at Melinda)
Kermit: Play along.
(Melinda took the bottle and examined it with a raised eyebrow as Kermit tried to tug the bottle from him)
Kermit: Uh, stop hogging it. We're your teammates.
(The bottle flew out of Melinda's hands as it landed near Scooter, who took a sip, and began to feel powerful and more confident)
Dr. Teeth: Secret stuff?
(He took a sip. The Muppet Squad started drinking the "Secret Stuff" and started to feel more confident and stronger)
FOZZIE: Secret stuff?
Rowlf: You wouldn't hold out on us, would you?
(Zoot takes a swig)
Melinda: No, I mean, I didn't think you guys really needed it. I mean, you're so tough. You're competitive.
(Lew Zealand got in between Rowlf, Pepé, Rizzo, and Beaker, who were fighting over the bottle)
Lew Zealand: We're also fish, son. We need it bad.
Rowlf: Hey.
(Lew Zealand took a guzzle and tossed it to Tulip, who nearly caught it, but Fozzie had it in his hand)
Tulip: Uh, I'd like some of that.
MISS PIGGY: Could I have a sip, please?
Fozzie: You know, this goes against everything they taught me in health class.
(Melinda rolled her eyes)
Melinda: Do you want to win or not?
Fozzie: Bottoms up.
(He guzzled it down from the bottle until there was nothing left inside, and tossed it to Tulip)
Fozzie: Yummy.
(Melinda gathered the team in a huddle, placed her hand out)
Melinda: All right. How about we go out and kick some alien butt, huh? Let's go.
(They placed their hands on top of hers)
Melinda: How about it? Ready?
MUPPETS: Yeah!
(They shook it with a cheer, and headed out for the next half. Tulip squeezed the bottle for a drink, but it was empty)
(INT. DISNEYLAND MEMORIAL GARDENS – DAY. "Get Ready 4 This" by 2 Unlimited plays as the Muppet Squad ran onto the court with determination and courage, facing the MonStars with their game faces)
(Bang and Gonzo were face-to-face, growling at each, while Animal did the same with Nawt, Scooter to Bupkus, and Melinda to Pound. Kermit just gave an Aside Glance to the audience and looked pretty confident herself)
(Bang passed the ball to Pound and he made his way to the hoop. Before he could shoot, Kermit rode in on a mechanical scooter and stole the ball from him)
KERMIT: Coming through.
(Pound was surprised that Kermit stole the ball, and started to go after her. Melinda ran over to where Kermit was, with Nawt trying to guard her)
Melinda: Kermit.
(Kermit stopped the scooter and tossed the ball over her shoulder)
Kermit: Special delivery.
(Melinda caught the ball and dunked it with the crowd going wild)
(Principal Robert, however, was angry by that play)
Principal Robert: What? No! Boo!
(The Muppet Squad were getting closer to beating the MonStars as the game continued. Maybe they could avoid slavery on Moron Mountain after all!)
(Bupkus got the ball, lept in the air, and was about to dunk. His expression showed determination, but changed to shock as he saw the hoop covered with explosives and TNT. He stopped in mid-air as he saw the hoop blowing up while Kermit and Beaker stood there, watching Bupkus get his just desserts)
Kermit: Uh, nice kaboom, Beaker.
Beaker: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(Their little victory came short when Bupkus grabbed him, glaring at the genius until his teeth got shot, leaving his two front teeth available. He saw Floyd and Dr. Teeth, dressed in black suits, shades, and holding guns, almost looking like the Men in Black, and finding their inner Pulp Fiction. They looked at each other, and shot Bupkus' teeth again, leaving him toothless. However, his teeth came back in, and he was ready to fight)
(Melinda was dribbling across the court, with Bang and Nawt on her tail. She shot the ball into the air and Nawt tried to knock it away, but the ball made its way into the basket)
(Blanko passed the ball to Pound)
Pound: Let's teach them a lesson.
(Blanko watched Rowlf carrying a fishing rod, and flung the hook onto Pound's shorts. He gave it a yank, Pound's shorts came off and his big behind was showing!)
(Pound looked down, saw that his shorts were missing and covered it with his jersey, giving an embarrassed smile)
Miss Piggy: Nice butt.
(Everyone in the stadium was laughing real hard after Miss Piggy said that, even Melinda)
(The game continued on, and the MonStars were continuing to get beat. Kermit passed the ball to Animal, who dunked the ball with ease, Melinda went past Pound, who got his shorts back, and Bupkus, and dunked the ball with ease. Bupkus tried to stop the ball, but failed)
(For the next play, Lew Zealand and Rowlf got Scooter on top of their shoulders)
SCOOTER: Going up.
(Pound was about to stop them)
POUND: You're mine, fool.
(Scooter dunked the ball into the hoop, and it hit Pound's head. The Muppet Squad were still earning more points, and the MonStars were still leading)
(Tulip, Beauregard, and Sam the Eagle were cheering on the bench, when Tulip accidentally high-fived Sam the Eagle off the bench)
(The MonStars had the ball now, and they made their way to the hoop, until Janice came)
Janice: Hello. Like, a little surprise for you, my friends.
(It made the MonStars pass out as Janice got the ball into the basket)
Janice: Two points.
(Melinda and Nawt leapt into the air as Melinda dunked the ball into the hoop, and hit Nawt on top of his head. On the next play, Kermit passed the ball to Melinda, who shot the ball easily into the hoop as Bang tripped over his feet, and landed on the floor. Principal Robert's eyes turned red, growled furiously, and was going beyond his boiling point)
Principal Robert: Dang!
(Gonzo took out a bucket of red paint and a paint brush)
Gonzo: Ooh. This will be good.
(He painted Pound's behind red. After he did that, the audience laughed, but the BULL saw the red paint that looks like a torero's red cape used for bullfights in Spain. He became raving mad)
(Lew Zealand and Scooter moved out of the rampaging bull's way and he rammed his horns into Pound's behind, making the alien scream in pain, and fly up into the stadium ceiling!)
Crowd: Olé!
(Pepé running around the court as the MonStars surrounded him)
Bang: Okay, shrimp.
Pepé: Uh-oh.
(Pepé turned around and saw the MonStars snarling at him. He had enough of being bullied around and snapped, he did karate yells, and caught the MonStars by surprise. He rabbit-punched Pound, head-butted Bupkus, punched Bang in the stomach, punched Blanko in the face, causing his neck to spiral. He then bit Pound's ear, pulled Bupkus' hair with his mouth, and kicked Bang on the chin, causing the green player to fall backwards. After the MonStars got beaten up by Pepé, Dr. Teeth jumped up into the air like Michael Jordan, and dunked the ball into the hoop)
(Nawt groaned in defeat, while Melinda cheered and Lew Zealand and Rowlf high-fived, cheered and celebrated)
Melinda: Yes!
Principal Robert: Time out!
(The scoreboard showed that the Muppet Squad were getting closer to winning and beating the MonStars, but they were two points behind the MonStars, it was a good sign. The current score... Muppet Squad: 66, MonStars: 68. Principal Robert stomped his way over to the court, and Masterson blew his whistle, telling him that he could not interfere, but he flung him away)
Principal Robert: Shut up, you little rodent. Get away from me. Powwow.
(The Muppet Squad were excited about winning the game so far. They took a time-out for the fourth quarter)
Melinda: All right. We're right back at this game. Come on, now. Let's play some tough defense.
(Things were going great for the Muppet Squad, but Principal Robert was busy berating the MonStars. Principal Robert pointed at Melinda)
Principal Robert: Why didn't you get this guy?
POUND: She's a baseball player.
Nawt: Yeah, boss, a baseball player.
Principal Robert: Looks like a basketball player to me.
Blanko: Yeah, me too.
Principal Robert: She's the one I want for Moron Mountain.
(Melinda and Kermit walked to the center of the court)
Melinda: Hey, you.
(Principal Robert turned to face Melinda)
Principal Robert: Are you talking to me?
Melinda: Yeah, I'm talking to you. You want a piece of me? Come and get it.
(Principal Robert looked at the MonStars with a twisted smile, which they had, except for Blanko and Nawt. By their facial expressions, they were pretty much annoyed about this)
BLANKO: Uh-oh.
(Principal Robert walked towards her)
Principal Robert: What did you have in mind?
Melinda: How about we raise the stakes a little bit?
(Principal Robert inhaled his cigar and smoke came out)
Principal Robert: Interesting.
Melinda: If we win, you give the NBA players their talent back.
Principal Robert: But what if we win?
(Melinda thought about the bargain, then she made a risky decision that would cause her to lose her families and friends)
Melinda: If you win?
Principal Robert: Uh-huh.
Melinda: You get me.
Pound: Good deal, boss.
Kermit: Melinda, you think that's a good ide–
(Melinda gently covered his mouth to stop him from talking. Principal Robert inhaled his cigar)
PRINCIPAL ROBERT: You'll be our star attraction. You'll sign autographs all day long. And play one-on-one with the paying customers. And you'll always lose.
(THE FUTURE: Melinda had her mental picture of herself in Moron Mountain, signing autographs for the tiny aliens and herself in chains trying to play basketball. A customer was climbing up the steps and shot the ball into the hoop, cheering as he blew razzberries in her face)
(THE PRESENT: Principal Robert looked at her with an evil smile)
Principal Robert: Do we have a deal?
(Melinda extended her hand, and replied in a dark tone)
Melinda: Deal.
(Principal Robert took her hand and squeezed it really hard, nearly crushing it)
NAWT: All right.
(She showed no pain and let go as she turned their attention to the team)
(Kermit caught up with her)
Kermit: I don't think you should've done that, Melinda.
Melinda: I have faith in my team. As long as we remain confident, we are going to win no matter what.
(Principal Robert looked back and his face hardened. He would have his team win, even if they have to beat the Muppets half to death)
Principal Robert: (to the MonStars) Crush them.
(Masterson blew the whistle to start the fourth quarter. Beaker got the ball and was making his way to the hoop, but Nawt, Pound, and Bang stampeded)
POUND: Feeding time, boys.
(Beaker's eyes bugged out as the MonStars trampled over him, causing his entire body to fall apart in pieces. He then held up a sign with his dismembered hand that read, "Ouch!")
(Scooter tried to get out of the way, but Bupkus and Bang butt-slammed into him, squashing the poor gofer. Rowlf was dribbling the ball with ease, but Pound crushed him with his foot)
POUND: Goodbye.
(Melinda got the ball away and made her way over to the basket. Bupkus was behind her and Pound was in front of her. Pound swung his arm and backhanded Melinda across her face, causing her to fall and lose the ball)
(As Dr. Teeth was dribbling the ball to the hoop, Bupkus used his elbow and pinned Dr. Teeth down to the ground, causing his body to squeak like a chew toy. Then Bang punched Lew Zealand in the face, while Nawt kicked Animal in the stomach)
(After that, Bupkus used Lew Zealand as a golf club and Pepé as a golf ball. He swung Lew Zealand and smacked the poor shrimp away to the Muppet Squad's bleachers. The purple MonStar then made his way over to Gonzo, squashed him with his hand, and looked at his palm. He noticed that Gonzo was stuck to him like gum, and Gonzo came to)
Gonzo: But, mommy, I don't want to go to school today.
(As Pound caught the ball and roughly shoved Melinda to the ground with a mean glare, Gonzo was clinging onto Bupkus' face)
Gonzo: I want to stay home and bake cookies with you.
(Bupkus was annoyed with Gonzo's hallucination and tried to pry the stuntman off of his head. However, Gonzo clung to his head and skin, nearly ripping it off! Luckily, he did let go of him, but Bupkus' face became misshaped and mixed up. Pound got onto the hoop, and saw Miss Piggy standing there)
MISS PIGGY: I'm open, I'm open.
(Pound jumped off the hoop)
Kermit: Piggy, Piggy, heads up.
(Miss Piggy turned around, saw Pound falling fast; he was about to crush her!)
MISS PIGGY: Oh!
POUND: Belly flop.
(Before she could say anything else, Miss Piggy was shoved by Kermit. Pound instead landed on top of Kermit, and crushed him. Miss Piggy rolled to the floor, and looked up, seeing that Kermit's arms were straining)
MISS PIGGY: Oh, my. Kermit!
(The audience and the Muppet Squad all gasped and screamed in alarm)
Miss Piggy: Kermit!
(She ran over to where Pound was, as he got up)
MonStar Pound: Is this your man?
(He left with an evil chuckle, and Kermit popped back to his normal shape. Miss Piggy rushed over to him, and cradled his upper body)
Miss Piggy: Are you okay?
Kermit: Me? Oh, yeah. I'm fine. Are you okay.
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie. Thank you.
Kermit: Aw, it was nothing.
Miss Piggy: That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.
(She brought her face to Kermit's receptively, and kissed him on his lips)
(After kissing him, she left, and Kermit has a lovesick look on his face, and had hearts in his eyes)
Melinda: Time out.
(She checked on the other Muppet Squad players)
(The Muppet Squad were all a mess; they had injuries that looked gruesome due to the MonStars' brutality: Beaker was in a body cast, Floyd was burnt by Bang, Rowlf was in a body cast, Link Hogthrob became a smoked bacon/ham breakfast, Dr. Teeth was in a body cast, Lew Zealand somehow became a chicken dinner, Sam the Eagle was hit on the head while he sits on his wheelchair, Beauregard tried to revive Animal, which he woke up, and had a sign saying, "Eat at Joe's", and possibly the most-gruesome and most-saddening, Pepé has to get his iron lung to keep them alive while Sweetums is laying belly-first on the iron lung machine)
(Melinda paced back and forth, thinking. There was only Kermit, Melinda, Fozzie, and Miss Piggy. She walked to the team bench to find a fifth player)
Melinda: Okay. We need a fifth player.
(Gonzo got up as he was sitting next to Janice and Bunsen)
Gonzo: Hey, coach, listen. You got any more of that secret stuff? I think it's starting to wear off.
(His arms deflated as he made a muscle)
Melinda: It didn't wear off. It was just water. You guys had the special stuff inside of you all along.
(Gonzo just looked at her, and shrugged)
Gonzo: Yeah, yeah, I knew that. But listen, you got any more?
MISS PIGGY: I'll take some.
SCOOTER: Yeah, can I have some, too?
(The other Muppets asked for more of the Secret Stuff, but Melinda instead turned her attention to Tulip)
Melinda: Tulip?
Tulip: Me?
Melinda: You're in at center. Just guard the big guy, okay?
Tulip: Guard him? Guard him? I'll smother him. I'll be all over him like a cheap suit. I'll be on him like stink on rice. I tell you, he's going down.
(The game continued, Masterson tossed the ball to Fozzie, who passed it to Melinda. She fly toward the hoop, but the MonStars surrounded her)
(They tried to steal the ball from her, but all of their attempts were unsuccessful. Melinda saw Tulip wide open)
Tulip: Melinda, over here. Over here. Over here. I'm open.
(Melinda passed it to Tulip)
(When Tulip caught the ball, Bang jumped up, and crushed her! Bupkus, Blanko, and Pound dog-piled, the ball popped out from under them, and landed into the basket, scoring the Muppets three points!)
Melinda: Yes!
(Everyone in the stadium cheered, even one of the little Nerdlucks who was with Principal Robert, to which he just smacked him down)
(Suddenly, they all shrank back as they saw the MonStars getting up)
BANG: Big man pancake.
(After they got up, Tulip was revealed to still be in one piece, but she was flattened like a pancake!)
All: Ooh!
(Like the other teammates, Tulip is down to Kermit, Melinda, Fozzie, and Miss Piggy. Two rats, YOLANDA and CHESTER, who were both medics, entered the gym with a stretcher and decided to get Tulip back to her regular shape. Yolanda stuffed a hose into Tulip's mouth. They used his hose to pump some air into her. After she was bloated and inflated up to a balloon, Chester then pulled the hose, and Tulip deflated, and floated around the gym)
Miss Piggy: Pixie dust.
(The little aliens, who were watching with Principal Robert, gazed at the beautiful sight of pixie dust)
Janice: Oh, wow.
(After a minute or two of flying, Tulip falls on the stretcher, while Yolanda and Chester carried her away and left the gym. Melinda couldn't believe her eyes)
Melinda: How'd he do that?
Kermit: Aw, anybody can do it, Melinda. Even you. Watch this.
(Kermit then pulled Fozzie's neck, and stretched him out really far)
Fozzie: (In strangled voice) No sweat. This is Disneyland.
(His neck went back to normal as Melinda looked at the scoreboard as well as the time. She needed to score two more points and they had ten seconds left)
Melinda: Ten seconds to go? Thanks for telling me, frog.
(Masterson walked over towards Melinda)
Masterson: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, your Airness, but if you don't find a fifth player, your team will forfeit the game.
Melinda: Forfeit?
Masterson: Precisely, Sir Altitude.
Melinda: No way. We'll find someone.
(Before anyone could say anything, someone shouted a fanfare. Everyone turned their attention, and there stood Orchid! Melinda was acting calm and cool as everyone erupted with loud cheers, whistles, and whoops. Principal Robert stood up from his seat)
Principal Robert: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I didn't know Katy Perry was in this picture.
(Orchid was in the Muppet Squad uniform)
Orchid: Hey. Perhaps I could be of some assistance.
(She ran over to the court, and Melinda pointed out)
Melinda: That's our fifth player. Thanks, Orchid. Now you get to live your dream. Let's go.
(They greeted each other, and got into the huddle)
Melinda: All right. All right. We need to score two points...
Orchid: Here's how I see it. Comedian bear.
Fozzie: Yes.
Orchid: Kick it to the girl pig down in the post.
MISS PIGGY: Yeah?
Orchid: You dish it back to the guy frog.
Miss Piggy: Got it.
Orchid: You swing it to Melinda. You go to the hole.
Melinda: Orchid.
Orchid: And dominate.
Melinda: We're on defense.
(The Muppet Squad and Melinda realized the situation)
Orchid: Whoa. I don't play defense.
Melinda: Typical.
Orchid: Gonna have to listen to Melinda on this.
Melinda: Okay. Somebody steal the ball, get it to me and I'll score before the time runs out.
Orchid: Don't lose that confidence. Okay. Paws and wings in here. Okay.
(They placed their hands on top of his, gave it a shake, and got to their positions to play the last 10 seconds of the game, and win this for the Muppets)
(Then we walked over to the center of the court)
(The current score... Muppet Squad: 76, MonStars: 77)
(As everyone got to their positions to start the last 10 seconds of the game, Orchid walked to the center of the court)
Orchid: This is why I was born. I thrive on pressure.
(Fozzie walked up to Orchid, and tugged on her dress)
Fozzie: Excuse me, uh, sorry.
Orchid: Yo, yo, easy on the dress, Fozzie. Easy.
Fozzie: Pardon me. Mrs. Orchid, something's really been bugging me.
Orchid: Yeah?
Fozzie: Just how did you get here anyway?
Orchid: Producer's a friend of mine. Just had a teamster come and drop me off.
Fozzie: Uh-huh. Well, that's how it goes.
Orchid: Hey, you see this, uh, kind of chunky fellow over here?
(She pointed to Pound, who was looking at Miss Piggy with a smirk)
Fozzie: Uh-huh.
(Orchid began to whisper his plans into the comedian bear's ear, and it looked like Fozzie loved the sound of the idea)
Fozzie: Oh. Oh, that's good. Oh, yes.
Orchid: Let's do it. You the comedian bear.
(She got ready to play)
Masterson: Now, let's all play fair. Here.
(Bupkus strutted to the court, got the ball from Masterson, and elbowed the tiny rat)
Orchid: Yo, space man. Don't choke now. Come on.
(Fozzie got a football helmet on his head and got into a cannon)
Fozzie: It's gut-check time.
(Bupkus passed the ball to Pound, Camilla lit the cannon, and Fozzie flew out, charging at Pound as he flew into his stomach, and head butted him in the gut. The force knocked the wind out of the leader, and made him knock off of his feet and drop the ball)
Orchid: This must be mine. Woo-hoo!
(Orchid picked it up, and began to dribble)
Orchid: This belongs to me.
(Fozzie got out of Pound's stomach, and ran around the court to distract Bupkus. Orchid threw the ball to Melinda)
Orchid: I'm going this way. I'm going left. Whoa! Don't ever trust an Earthling.
(Pound ran after Orchid, while Nawt guarded Melinda)
MISS PIGGY: Melinda!
(Melinda passed the ball to Miss Piggy, and Blanko and Bang surrounded her)
POUND: Get the frog. Get the girl.
(They were about to steal the ball from her, but Fozzie came onto the court with his arms out)
Fozzie: Come on, come on. I'm open. I'm op...
(Miss Piggy passed the ball to Fozzie, but the comedian bear got backhanded by Bupkus)
Bupkus: That's mine.
(He was about to catch the ball, but Kermit caught it with his tongue and passed it to Orchid)
Kermit: Not today.
BUPKUS: Hey.
(Orchid caught the ball and held it out)
BLANKO: Bring it on, dude.
(Orchid extended her leg and tripped the blue player)
ORCHID: Whoopsie-daisy.
(She passed the ball to Melinda. Bang ran after him as Pound faced Melinda. Pound chased towards her, gave an evil smile)
Pound: You're mine.
(He was about to grab her, but he tripped over as Melinda stepped on his head, then she used her foot to get onto his behind and jumped into the air)
(Everything began to go in slow motion as Melinda made the jump)
Orchid: Melinda, I'm open!
(But Melinda was about to make his way towards the hoop)
Orchid: Never mind.
(The Muppet Squad all looked excited when Melinda was prepared to dunk the ball, but Bang and Bupkus jumped up and grabbed her by her waist, and pulled to keep her away and stop her from scoring! However, Melinda remembered what Kermit told her about Disney and Muppet Physics. She stretched arm out and it became really long. Bang and Bupkus tried to slow her down even more, but she dunked the ball into the hoop as the time buzzed)
(Melinda held on to the hoop and heard everyone in the stadium erupt with loud cheers. Principal Robert's eyes popped out when he saw the scoreboard. The Muppets cheered, Kermit and Miss Piggy embraced, and Orchid shouted with joy. Melinda looked at the scoreboard, and it read that the Muppets have beaten the MonStars 78-77; they won the Ultimate Game! Melinda let go of the hoop and ran towards her teammates with open arms)
Louis Kazagger: The Muppets win!
(Everyone began to cheer for Kermit, Melinda, and Miss Piggy as they ran over to their teammates and gave high-fives, a group hug, and many thanks to her. During their victory celebration, Janice went and kissed a confused Sam the Eagle)
Melinda: (to Orchid) That was a nice pass.
Orchid: That was a great stretch for the basket too.
Melinda: You know, you really got some skills. You might be able to play in the NBA.
Orchid: Thanks, Melinda. I'll probably quote you on that. But I'm gonna take this opportunity to retire from the game.
Melinda: No, come on.
Orchid: No. No, I'm gonna retire right now. That's all there is to it. I'm going to come up undefeated, untied. That's the way it's gonna be. You go celebrate with your team.
Melinda: Come help us.
Orchid: I'd like to, but I have to talk with Queen Melody, okay? They're starting to go.
Melinda: All right. Goodbye.
Orchid: All right, see you.
Melinda: Are you sure?
Orchid: Yeah. Definitely sure. Definitely.
(As Orchid left the court to talk with Queen Melody, Kermit, Melinda, Fozzie, and Miss Piggy turned their attention to Principal Robert and the MonStars. He was berating them for losing)
Principal Robert: Losers.
MONSTARS: Sorry.
Principal Robert: Choke artists.
MonStars: Sorry again.
Principal Robert: Wait till I get you back on Moron Mountain.
(He stomped on Bupkus' foot, causing him to howl in pain and hold his sore foot. He turned his attention to the Muppet Squad)
Principal Robert: All right. The party's over. Get in the spaceship.
Melinda: Why do you take it from this guy?
(Bupkus answered in a scared tone)
Bupkus: Because he's bigger.
MonStars: (even Pound) He's bigger?
Bang: Than we used to be.
(Suddenly, the MonStars realized that they should be the ones to get respect, and they all turned their attention towards Principal Robert and growled: "Wait a minute." Principal Robert noticed that something was not going right)
Principal Robert: What are you doing?
(The MonStars surrounded Principal Robert, and grabbed him. Bupkus, Bang, and Nawt dragged him to the center of the court)
Principal Robert: Wait. What are you doing? Wait.
POUND: Come here.
(The Muppet Squad watched, and could not believe that the MonStars were being the good guys. The MonStars shoved Principal Robert into a rocket that Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker had earlier. Principal Robert was finally getting his his cmeuppance and the MonStars have gotten what they deserved after all of these years: respect and freedom. Kermit and Beaker grinned as the MonStars lit the fuse and Principal Robert was blasted away with the MonStars waving goodbye. As Principal Robert crashed through the ceiling, he flew all the way to the moon, never to be seen)
(The Muppet Squad and the audience cheered)
Melinda: Had it in you all the time, didn't you?
(The MonStars all gave warm smiles, and shrugs to them as Melinda remembered the deal)
Melinda: One thing, though. Pass me the ball, Kermit.
(Kermit passed Melinda the ball)
Melinda: You gotta give my friends their talent back.
(The MonStars almost forgot)
Pound: Do we have to?
(Melinda calmly nodded her head)
Melinda: Yeah, it's part of the deal. Touch the ball.
Bupkus: Oh, okay.
(Bupkus reached his hand for the ball, and placed his hand on it. Bang, Blanko, Pound, and Nawt followed his example)
BLANKO: Fair is fair.
Melinda: There you go. Touch it.
(The ball began to glow)
(The MonStars began to shake, the shaking stopped, and they shrank back to being Nerdlucks. They popped out of their clothes)
Bupkus: That was so much fun.
Bang: I feel so insignificant.
(Pound held his jersey in his small hands)
Pound: My clothes don't fit.
Nawt: (rubbing his head) What a trip.
Blanko: Ha, ha. I'm up for another one.
Pound: Could we ask you a favor, Mr. Froggy? We don't want to go back to Moron Mountain.
Bang: We hate it up there.
Nawt: (giving a thumbs-down) It stinks.
Blanko: Um, I was thinking, could we stay here with you?
(The Nerdlucks all gave big grins and puppy dog eyes)
Nerdlucks (All): (big grins and puppy dog eyes) Please.
(However, Gonzo did resist the cute faces)
Gonzo: Oh, brother.
(Kermit decided to give them some motivation)
Kermit: Eh, I don't know if those guys are Muppety enough.
Bang: Muppety enough?
(A curtain opened and the Nerdlucks dressed up as the Muppet characters (Blanko as Gonzo, Bupkus as Scooter, Nawt as Dr. Teeth, Bang as Floyd, and Pound as Kermit), and danced, sang, and ended the show with an explosion)
Kermit: Yeah, you guys can stay with us. That was pretty Muppety after all.
(Tulip ran to the court)
Tulip: Melinda, do you know what time it is?
Scooter: Seven-fift... Seven-fift... Quarter past 7.
Tulip: Exactly. You've got a baseball game in five minutes.
Melinda: Okay. Take this.
(She gave Tulip the basketball. Tulip put the basketball in the gym bag)
Tulip: Is it safe?
Melinda: Yeah, put it in my bag.
Tulip: Okay. Let's go.
(Melinda looked at the Muppet Squad)
Melinda: I really enjoyed playing with you guys. You guys got a lot of, uh... A lot of, uh...
MUPPETS: Yes?
Melinda: Well, whatever it is, you got a lot of it.
(The Muppets all smiled and said thanks, while the Nerdlucks offered to use their spaceship to escort Tulip and Melinda to Los Angeles)
(Before Melinda left Disneyland, she turned back to Kermit)
Melinda: Kermit?
Kermit: Eh, Melinda?
Melinda: Stay out of trouble.
(Melinda and Tulip left Disneyland)
Kermit: You know I will.
(He looked at Miss Piggy)
Kermit: Come here!
(Kermit gave Miss Piggy a big kiss, making her go Muppet as she 'Woo-Hoo'd' all over the arena)
(EXT. BASEBALL FIELD – NIGHT. Everyone was waiting for Melinda to arrive, so the game could begin. It was a pretty long delay and everyone was getting impatient. One person was looking at his watch)
Crowd: (CHANTING) We want Melinda! We want Melinda!
Person: The delay is killing us. Where's Melinda?
Rosie: Where is Michael?
Mike: Oh, she's not back from his other game.
Rosie: What other game?
Jodi: Shh.
Rosie: Uh-uh. What other game?
(Suddenly, the Nerdlucks' spaceship at the baseball stadium and landed at the center of the field. The players all gathered to the diamond to see what was going on as everyone stood up to see if Melinda has arrived. As the door of the spaceship opened, Tulip stepped out of it as she held a megaphone)
Tulip: Ladies and gentlemen, Princess Melinda.
(Melinda stepped out of the Nerdlucks' spaceship in her Barons baseball uniform, waving her hat to everyone as everyone at the stadium cheered for the superstar and her cousin gave her a thumbs up)
(INT. LOCAL GYM – DAY. The NBA stars were still depressed about losing their skills, and found nothing about what happened to them in recent games)
Charles: Guys, we suck.
Larry: Yeah, man. My grandmother plays better than I do.
Muggsy: At least you guys are still tall. Me, I'm nothing now. Just another short guy.
Charles: You got that right. That's the only thing you got right.
(Later, the doors of the gym opened, and Tulip and Melinda walked inside with the basketball that held in the basketball players' talents)
Patrick: Who's that?
Charles: Who's that?
SHAWN: I don't know.
Melinda: Been getting your butt kicked?
MUGGSY: Who's that?
Charles: It's Princess Melinda.
Muggsy: What's up?
Charles: Why are you here?
Melinda: Don't be embarrassed. Just face it. You guys stink.
Larry: Come on, Melinda. Lighten up.
Melinda: I know. You want your games back, huh? What little games you had to begin with.
Shawn: It's hard enough as it is, Melinda.
Charles: Give us a break.
Melinda: I'm gonna regret this. Tulip, give me the ball.
(Tulip zipped the bag, and held up the glowing basketball that held the NBA players' talents. Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing, Muggsy Bogues, Larry Johnson, and Shawn Bradley were all shocked)
Players (All): Oh.
Muggsy: Looks like something from Star Trek.
Melinda: Touch it.
Shawn: No way, Jose.
Melinda: Pat, you want your talent back? You don't have any choice. Just touch it.
Patrick: I don't know.
Melinda: Okay, you're gonna walk around with a bad game for the rest of your career. Touch the ball.
Shawn: Careful, Pat. We've tried everything else.
(They were all hesitant, and tried to tell him not to do it, but Patrick Ewing reached his hand for the ball, and touched it)
Melinda: Come on, Charles. Touch it. The rest of you guys. Just touch it.
(Charles Barkley did the same thing, and the other players followed his example)
(As the five players had their hands on the ball, the ball shimmered, and the players started shaking. The shaking stopped, and they gained composure. Melinda passed the ball to Muggsy Bogues, and he caught it with ease)
Muggsy: Hey, I caught it.
(He dribbled the ball)
SHAWN: Look at Muggsy handle the rock.
LARRY: Handle it, baby.
Muggsy: I can handle that rock again.
(Then passed it to Larry Johnson)
LARRY: That's the old Muggs I know.
PATRICK: Yeah, get height now.
(He dribbled it to the hoops, and dunked it)
Larry: It gave me my powers back.
(Charles Barkley received the ball, and dunked the ball in with ease. Later, Patrick Ewing and Shawn Bradley did the same thing. Melinda and Tulip all watched them, and smiled)
PATRICK: Oh, man. That felt good.
SHAWN: I got it.
MUGGSY: You got it. Yeah, baby.
(They were about to leave, but Charles Barkley stopped them)
Charles: Hey, Melinda. Why don't you stay, play some three-on-three with us?
Melinda: No, I don't think so.
Charles: You gonna work on that baseball swing?
Patrick: Leave the princess alone. He doesn't play basketball anymore.
Shawn: She probably doesn't have it anymore, guys.
Tulip: Melinda, you hear them? They don't think you can play the game anymore.
(Melinda looked at the players, who gave her looks of interest and shrugs)
Melinda: There's only one way to find out.
(INT. HAPPINESS HOTEL – NIGHT. A thousand small lights helped lay Ray to rest that night in the hotel. Fozzie played softly as fireflies from all over came to pay their respects. Melinda and Marleen were there, too, when the clouds parted and starlight sparkled in the sky)
(Everyone looked up. There in the sky, the Evening Star, Ray's Evangeline, was shining brightly. And right beside her was a new star no one had ever seen before. A huge grin came over Fozzie's tear-stained face. Melinda and Marleen held each other close. Ray and his Evangeline were together at last)
(INT. HAPPINESS HOTEL – DAY. Then the next day, all the Muppets and the Sesame Street gang gathered for the wedding of Melinda and her frog prince. The bride wore a lovely leaf on her head as she sat on a stage next to her adoring groom. Mama Odie presided over the ceremony)
Mama Odie: And so by the power vested in me, (CHUCKLES) I now pronounce y'all frog and wife. Get to it, Hop-along! Give your lovely bride some sugar!
BUTTERFLY: Congratulations.
(Prince Marleen kissed Melinda and–POOF!–they disappeared in a swirl of sparkling green pixie dust)
Mama Odie: (CHUCKLING IN DELIGHT) This going to be good!
(When the air cleared, Melinda and Prince Marleen looked at each other in amazement)
(Melinda was wearing a shimmering green wedding dress with a crown of flowers in her hair, and Prince Marleen looked dashing in a royal vest and sash. They were both human again!)
Mama Odie: Like I told y'all, kissing a princess breaks the spell.
Marleen: Once you became my wife, that made you...
Melinda: A princess. You just kissed yourself a princess.
Marleen: And I'm about to do it again.
(The crowd cheered)
(INT. CATHEDRAL, DOWNTOWN DISNEY – DAY. The official royal wedding was held. This time, the guests were all citizens, including the Muppets, the Nerdlucks, Lily, Big Daddy, and the King and Queen of Mississippi)
(EXT. CATHEDRAL, DOWNTOWN DISNEY – DAY. Queen Melody watched as her daughter walked down the aisle in the most beautiful wedding gown Disneyland had ever seen)
(Princess Melinda and Prince Marleen exited the cathedral through a grand battalion of saluting Mississippi guards. The happy couple stepped into a horse-drawn carriage as Melinda threw her bouquet into the crowd)
(Lily, of course, caught it)
(EXT. DISNEYLAND PARK – DAY. Melinda and his friends, including the Nerdlucks, purchased the cottage the next day. Then, over the months, she and Marleen worked hard to transform it into the glamorous restaurant of her dreams)
(EXT. MELINDA'S PALACE – NIGHT. Melinda perfected every delicious recipe, from the spicy gumbo to the fresh beignets. And if that weren't enough, the restaurant had a stage with a band that featured Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem and Louis, the only trumpet-playing alligator in the city)
(That night at Melinda's restaurant, the new princess happily greeted her first guests. Then she approached the table where Queen Melody was seated with the King and Queen of Mississippi. Queen Melody was beaming with pride and love. So were Marleen's parents)
Melinda: (SINGING) Look at the world – so close, and I'm halfway to it!
Look at it all – so big – do I even dare?
Look at me – there at last – I just have to do it
Should I?
No.
Here I go...
Just smell the beignets! The gumbo! Just like I dreamed they'd be!
Just hear the music beat–the way it's calling me
For like the first time ever, I'm completely free!
(Lily eagerly took the dance floor with the young prince)
Lily: Who would have thought the prince would've had a younger brother! How old did you say you were?
Young Prince: I'm six and a half.
(Lily thought for a moment, and then shrugged her shoulders happily)
Lily: Well, I've waited this long.
(And she was willing to wait a few more years to marry the prince)
Melinda: I could go running
And racing
And dancing
And chasing
And leaping
And bounding
Hair flying
Heart pounding
And splashing
And reeling
And finally feeling
Now's when my life begins!
(Melinda turned to Prince Marleen and held out her hand to dance. The prince smiled and waltzed her up to the rooftop. Pixie dust swirled around them. Prince Marleen and Princess Melinda danced on top of Disneyland's finest new restaurant aptly named Melinda's Palace. Melinda's dream of owning a restaurant had finally come true. But now she had even more: She had everything she need–the love of family and friends. And it had all happened because she had remembered what was important, just as her father had said so many years before)
BIG BIRD: OK, move along. There's nothing else to see at Sesame Street. Hmm.
(He takes off the hat. Who's wearing that Goofy costume? It's BIG BIRD)
Big Bird: I like the sound of that. Just sing...
(The closing circle is crushing his neck. He tries to move. But it wouldn't budge. Tinker Bell waves the wand that marks the words "The End")
(THE END)

cast
mae whitman – melinda
jesse mccartney – prince marleen
james denton – principal robert
miley cyrus – tulip
keith david – dr. facilier
michael-leon wooley – louis
steve whitmire – kermit the frog, beaker, statler, rizzo the rat, bean bunny, link hogthrob, the newsman
eric jacobson – miss piggy, fozzie bear, animal, sam the eagle, marvin suggs
dave goelz – the great gonzo, dr. bunsen honeydew, zoot, beauregard, waldorf
bill barretta – rowlf the dog, dr. teeth, pepé the king prawn, the swedish chef, bobo the bear
david rudman – scooter, janice, wayne
matt vogel – sgt. floyd pepper, camilla, sweetums, lew zealand, masterson the rat, louis kazagger, bull, crazy harry
megan hilty – lily
jim cummings – ray
peter bartlett – lawrence
grey delisle – orchid
jenifer lewis – mama odie
anjelica huston – queen melody
john krasinski – king williams
john goodman – big daddy labouff
jocelyn blue – nerdluck pound
charity james – nerdluck blanko
june melby – nerdluck bang
catherine reitman – nerdluck bupkus
colleen wainwright – nerdluck nawt
dorian harewood – monstar bupkus
joey camen – monstar bang
t.k. carter – monstar nawt
darnell suttles – monstar pound
steve kehela – monstar blanko
kari wahlgren – daisy
angela bassett – aunt rosie
raymond ochoa – mike
matthew josten – mark
sammi hanratty – jodi, little league girl
peter linz – tatooey the rat
charles barkley – himself
patrick ewing – himself
muggsy bogues – himself
larry johnson – himself
shawn bradley – himself
daisy tahan – young melinda
merit leighton – young lily
ritchie montgomery – reggie
don hall – darnell
paul briggs – two fingers
michael colyar – buford
emeril lagasse – marlon the gator
kevin michael richardson – ian the gator
randy newman – cousin randy
jan rabson – ahmad rashad
jeff bennett – del harris, nba referee, charlotte coach, health commissioner, umpire
daran norris – vlade divac, golfer, stars catcher
john dimaggio – cedric ceballos
corey burton – jim rome
roger craig smith – doctor, baseball coach
nolan north – paul westphal, alonzo mourning
brian stepanek – danny ainge
lori alan – female fan
john cygan – male fan
sandy fox – female seer
jessica dicicco – basketball girl
jack angel – psychologist
dara mcgarry – owner's girlfriend
j.p. manoux – manager
danielle mone truitt – georgia
additional muppet performers: tyler bunch, bruce lanoil, michelan sisti, paul mcginnis, greg ballora, david barclay, tim blaney, kevin carlson, leslie carrara-rudolph, kristin charney, nathan danforth, alice dinnean, julia gunn, bj guyer, tanya haden, patrick johnson, sean johnson, len levitt, james murray, michael oosterom, karen prell, mike quinn, david skelly, andy stone, art gonzalez vega, alex villa, chase woolner
and
caroll spinney as big bird
additional voices: stephen j. anderson, carlos alazraqui, michael bell, bob bergen, susanne blakeslee, kwesi boakye, christin ciaccio briggs, marsha clark, roy conli, peter del vecho, debi derryberry, lino disalvo, jeff draheim, rob edwards, bill farmer, pat fraley, andy fischer-price, teresa ganzel, nathan greno, jess harnell, kelly hoover, byron howard, forrest iwaszewski, phil lamarr, sherry lynn, danny mann, mona marshall, mickie mcgowan, alec medlock, tim mertens, laraine newman, shannon o'connor, colleen o'shaughnessey, phil proctor, cristina pucelli, aurian redson, karen ann ryan, lorry ann shea, elissa sussman, hynden walch, james kevin ward, marlon west, colette whitaker, joe whyte, chris williams, mick wingert

(POST-CREDITS SCENE)
(Kermit pulls the credits screen off)
Kermit: Well, we'll see you in 2013 for our sequel!
Scooter: You're doing the Muppet Show closing theme! We'll see...
Gonzo: Step aside, Babe! Let a star do this! We'll see you...
(Gonzo, however, was interrupted as the Nerdlucks pushed him out of the "O" of The Muppet Show sign)
Nerdlucks: We'll see you next time on the next movie.
(Melinda pulls the screen up)
Melinda: Can I go home now?
(She pulls the screen back down as Statler and Waldorf appeared)
Waldorf: Uh, Statler?
Statler: Yeah? What?
Waldorf: Is that it?
Statler: Yes, it's over. How did you like it?
Waldorf: I don't know. I slept through the whole thing.
Statler: Oh, I hope you didn't miss much.
(Then Zoot appeared and blows a final bum note out of his saxophone)

(Walt Disney Animation Studios logo: The shorter version. The closing variant is silent)
(Walt Disney Pictures logo: The short version of the CGI castle)