Never Fairies' Wintery Secret 2013 full script

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Frozen & Never Fairies & Muppets

Directed by: Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee
Produced by: Peter Del Vecho
Screenplay by: Jennifer Lee
Story by: Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee, Shane Morris
Based on: The Snow Queen by Hans Christian Anderson
Starring: Pamela Adlon, Will Arnett, Angela Bartys, Bill Barretta, Kristen Bell, Jeff Bennett, Jeff Bergman, Matt Berry, Ty Burrell, Michael Caine, Timothy Dalton, Grey DeLisle, Tina Fey, Santino Fontana, Josh Gad, Ricky Gervais, Dave Goelz, Jonathan Groff, Lucy Hale, Megan Hilty, Ciarán Hinds, David Hobbs, Jane Horrocks, Anjelica Huston, Eddie Izzard, Eric Jacobson, Peter Jacobson, Thomas Kretschmann, Matt Lanter, Queen Latifah, Denis Leary, John Leguizamo, Jay Leno, Peter Linz, Lucy Liu, Kelly Macdonald, Joe Mantegna, Jesse McCartney, Idina Menzel, Emily Mortimer, Chloe Grace Moretz, Brent Musburger, Franco Nero, Rob Paulsen, Josh Peck, Ray Romano, David Rudman, Debby Ryan, Seann William Scott, Raven-Symoné, Alan Tudyk, Matt Vogel, Blayne Weaver, Chris Wedge, Mae Whitman, Steve Whitmire
Music by: Christophe Beck, Joel McNeely, John Powell, Michael Giacchino (soundtracks), Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Robert Lopez, Frode Fjellheim, Bret McKenzie
Edited by: Jeff Draheim, Tim Mertens
Production company: Walt Disney Pictures, Walt Disney Animation Studios
Distributed by: Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures
Theatrical release dates: November 19, 2013 (El Capitan Theatre), November 27, 2013 (United States)
DVD/Blu-Ray release date: March 18, 2014
Running time: 481 minutes
Country: United States
Language: English
Budget: $150 million
Box office: $1.274 billion
MPAA Rating: PG: "Parental Guidance Suggested. Some Material May Not Be Suitable For Children" (for some mild action and rude humor).
Rotten Tomatoes: Critic Score: 89% Certified Fresh. Average Rating: 7.7/10. Reviews Counted: 221. Fresh: 197. Rotten: 24. Critics Consensus: Joyful, beautifully animated, fast-paced, and smartly written, Never Fairies' Wintery Secret adds another worthy entry to the Disney canon that stocks enough singalong songs to look as iridescently gorgeous as the winter wonderland.
CinemaScore Grade: B+
Aspect Ratio: 2.39:1
English Subtitles SDH: (WHITE)

(The message reads: DEDICATED TO JERRY NELSON (1934-2012). The message appears with clips from the Muppet and Sesame Street films, specials, and episodes with characters played. Røyken Cantemus and Cantus, the Norwegian all-female choir perform "Eatnemen Vuelie" and plays over the logo)
(WALT DISNEY PICTURES: On a night sky background, we see a star, a la Pinocchio. Then, some clouds appear, a la Mary Poppins, and a pirate ship, a la Peter Pan. We then see the castle, a la Cinderella, done in CGI, while different fireworks are appearing. A circular line is drawn over the castle (in the same vein as the previous logo), then the castle enters many dots from the bottom of the screen to reveal "DiSNEY", in the post-1979 Disney script logo font, albeit slightly revised. The circular line is nearly staying visible on the logo. Røyken Cantemus and Cantus, the Norwegian all-female choir perform "Eatnemen Vuelie" and plays over the logo)
(WALT DISNEY ANIMATION STUDIOS: A gold paper flips in the logo onto screen, drawing a red outline of Mickey Mouse wearing a steamboat hat. The paper finishes flipping as an outline of Mickey turns into a scene from the 1928 Disney cartoon Steamboat Willie, and below the picture, the words "WALT DiSNEY" write themselves in the signature corporate font (with a slight modification), with "ANIMATION STUDIOS" fading in underneath. Røyken Cantemus and Cantus, the Norwegian all-female choir perform "Eatnemen Vuelie" and plays over the logo)
(High up in the sky, the Second Star to the Right glows brightly. If you follow that star, you'll find the magical place of Never Land, California. It is a wonderful place, filled with tall mountains, flowing rivers, and deep forests. And in the very heart of Hollywood, Never Land is Pixie Hollow, the home of all the fairies. Røyken Cantemus and Cantus, the Norwegian all-female choir perform "Eatnemen Vuelie" and plays over the screen)
(Pixie Hollow is very different from the mainland, where the humans live. For one thing, all four seasons occur in Pixie Hollow and the other countries around the globe at the same time. There's Spring Valley, where flowers always bloom. And Summer Glade, where it's warm and sunny every day. In the Autumn Forest, leaves turn colorful shades of red, gold, and orange. And just over the border in Oslo, Norway and other European cities in WGP where no warm-weather fairy is permitted to go, are the Winter Woods and the rest of Norway. Shimmering white snow blankets the world there, and ice-topped mountain peaks overlook frozen valleys, fjords, brooks, and streams. Warm-weather fairies live on one side of the border, and cold-weather fairies stay on the other. A winter fairy cannot survive the heat of Spring or Summer. And the icy temperatures of the Winter Woods would freeze a warm-weather fairy's wings. So the fairies stay in their seasons and keep busy with their work. They know that the rules are there to protect them, and that crossing the border can be very dangerous. Røyken Cantemus and Cantus, the Norwegian all-female choir perform "Eatnemen Vuelie" and plays over the screen)
QUEEN CLARION: If you had wings to lift you and the Second Star your guide, you'd find a place where all the seasons flourish side by side. Yet past and beyond any street, lies an icy land of secrets, a world misunderstood. But if your mind is open and your heart just has to know, your wings can take you farther than you ever thought you'd go.
(TITLE CARD: FROZEN)
(EXT. HOLLYWOOD — NIGHT. The fireworks exploded, marking "The End." "Life's a Happy Song (Finale/Reprise)" ends)
MAN: And cut!
(In 2011, KERMIT THE FROG, the Muppet star and the captain of the Muppets, WALTER, Kermit and his gang's biggest fan, and MISS PIGGY, the diva superstar were so happy that the events of The Muppets was finally over)
Walter: Wow. That was so amazing!
Kermit: Walter, you did a wonderful job.
Walter: Thank you, Kermit. Did we get that?
MISS PIGGY: We got it.
Kermit: We got it, yup.
(The first assistant director called out)
First AD: Movie's over, people. Go home. That is a wrap.
(While he disappears, SCOOTER, the gofer appeared)
Scooter: Okay, nice work, everyone. Make sure to fill out your I-9s, and we'll see you on the next one.
(Everyone at Hollywood went home. Scooter have Kermit, Piggy, Walter, FOZZIE BEAR, the comedian, and ROWLF THE DOG gather around)
Scooter: So, uh… What do we do now?
(Fozzie couldn't have been happier)
Fozzie: Well, we're together again. We got the theater and all our fans are back.
(But there was no one here)
Rowlf: Actually, those were extras.
Fozzie: I saw a few tapping their toes.
Scooter: Yeah, those were paid dancers.
(Fozzie was disappointed)
Fozzie: Oh.
(Piggy saw her moment and seized it)
MISS PIGGY: Or, maybe since we're all here, now could be the perfect time for you and me to tie the knot, Kermie!
Kermit: (STAMMERING) Well, I mean, maybe I could.
(Walter turned his attention to the camera)
Walter: Hey, what's the camera still doing here?
(Two old hecklers, STATLER & WALDORF, appeared behind him)
Statler: Oh, no. Disaster! That can only mean one thing.
Waldorf: Doggone it, you're right! It looks like they've ordered a sequel.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
("We're Doing a Sequel")
Kermit: *We're doing a sequel
*We're back by popular demand
*Come on everybody, strike up the band!
(The film reels to… STUDIO. The Muppet gang are in the studio and we're ready for the production)
Kermit & Fozzie: *We're doing a sequel
*That's what we do in Hollywood
*And everybody knows the sequel's never quite as good
Muppets: *A sequel
*Another feature attraction
Scooter: *Places please, light the lights, roll camera, "Action!"
Muppets: *I thought it was the end, but no my friends this is when we get to do it all again!
Pigs: *Do it all again
Muppets: *Until the credits roll, we get another go to show them we can do it all again!
Chickens: *(CLUCKING)
Muppets: *We're doing a sequel
*There's no need to disguise
Miss Piggy: *The studio considers us a viable franchise
Muppets+: We're doing a sequel
*How hard can it be?
Rowlf+: *We can't do any worse than The Godfather III
Muppets: *We're doing a sequel
*The studio wants more
Gonzo: *While they wait for Tom Hanks to make Toy Story 4!
Muppets: *I thought it was the end, but no my friends, this is when we get to do it all again!
Animal, Zoot, Janice, Dr. Teeth, Floyd, and Lips (All): *Do it all again!
Muppets: *Until the credits roll, we've got another go to show them we can do it all again!
Penguins: *(SQUAWKING)
(An extended musical sequence takes place during "We're Doing a Sequel" featuring dancers on studio sets and other behind-the-scenes goings on)
MAN 1: Coming through!
WOMAN: Sending over to wardrobe!
MAN 2: We're taking this set apart.
Muppets: *We're doing a sequel
Kermit: *Let's give it a go
Tony Bennett: *With Hollywood stars
Lady Gaga: *And more one-liner cameos
Muppets: *We're doing a sequel
Bunsen: *I don't mean to be a stickler
*But this is the seventh sequel to our original motion picture
MUPPETS: *We're doing a sequel
*Let's give it a shot
Kermit: *All we need now is a half decent plot
(The Muppet gang start thinking some suggestions for what the sequel should be about:)
Gonzo: Got it. An epic love story between a very handsome, long nosed purple thing and a beautiful chicken. Gonzo with the Wind.
Kermit: Does anyone have any other ideas?
Fozzie: Oh! Oh! It's about getting the Muppets back together again to stop an evil oil baron from demolishing the old studio!
Kermit: Fozzie, did you even watch our last film?
Lew Zealand+: How about one of those fish out of water movies?
Kermit+: Yeah, I'm not so sure about that, Lew.
Miss Piggy: It's about a frog who marries a beautiful, perfect pig. And they have to kiss each other a lot!
Kermit: Uh…
Swedish Chef: (SPEAKING MOCK SWEDISH) (subtitles appear: How about a film about the existential conundrum of religious faith?)
Kermit: I don't think Americans watch subtitled films. (SIGHS)
Waldorf+: How about a movie where you don't make a movie?
Statler+: And we all get to go home early!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Kermit+: Good grief.
Rowlf+: (playing piano) It's about a lonely dog, and one night he sees something he should never have seen. And he has to live with a terrible secret.
Kermit+: That sounds a little dark, Rowlf.
(SIR DOMINIC BADGUY, who is the world tour manager of Oslo, Norway's world's fair called the World Global Pavilion Incorporated (WGP), gets a suggestion)
Dominic: Kermit, how about the Muppets go on a world tour?
(Kermit beamed)
Kermit: That's perfect!
MUPPETS: *I thought it was the end, but no my friends, this is when we get to do it all again!
*Until the credits roll, we've got another go to show them we can do it all again!
*We're doing a sequel
*It's more of the same
*Let's give it a name
Walter: *How about The Muppets Again?
All: *It's The Muppets Again
*With The Muppets Again!
*It's the, Muppets, again!*
(THE FLYING ZUCCHINI BROTHERS set up the cannon)
Zucchini Brother 1: Okay?
ZUCCHINI BROTHER: I'm okay!
Zucchini Brother 1: Okay! Ha-ha!
(When the song ends, they we're ready)
Zucchini Brother 2: Booma-booma!
Zucchini Brothers: Booma-booma! Hep!
(And at that moment, BOOM! The Zucchini Brothers went blasting out of the cannon)
Zucchini Brother 2: Hey!
Zucchini Brother 3: Pepperoni!
(The smoke rings pass by and confetti rains down while the title: MUPPETS, dropped in)
(The title still reads: MUPPETS. But another title NEVER FAIRIES appeared in snow swirls and blue pixie dust)
(TITLE CARD: NEVER FAIRIES & MUPPETS)
(ICE. We're underwater looking up at it. A saw cuts through, heading right for us)
(EXT. SNOW-CAPED MOUNTAIN — DUSK. ICE HARVESTERS, dressed in traditional clothing, score a frozen lake)
("Frozen Heart")
Ice Harvesters: *Born of cold and winter air
*And mountain rain combining,
*This icy force both foul and fair
*Has a frozen heart worth mining.
(The men drag giant ice blocks through channels of water)
Ice Harvesters: *Cut through the heart, cold and clear.
*Strike for love and strike for fear.
*See the beauty sharp and sheer.
(A young Sami boy, KRISTOFF BJØRGMAN (8) and his reindeer calf, SVEN, share a carrot as they try to keep up with the men)
Ice Harvesters: *Split the ice apart!
*And break the frozen heart.
Hup! Ho! Watch your step! Let it go!
Hup! Ho! Watch your step! Let it go!
(Kristoff struggles to get a block of ice out of the water. He falls, ends up soaked. Sven licks his wet cheek)
Ice Harvesters: *Beautiful! Powerful! Dangerous! Cold!
*Ice has a magic can't be controlled.
(A sharp ice flows overtakes the workers, threateningly. They fight it back)
Ice Harvesters: *Stronger than one, stronger than ten
*Stronger than a hundred men!
(Massive horses drag heavy ice plows)
Ice Harvesters: *Born of cold and winter air
*And mountain rain combing
(The sun sets. Lanterns are lit)
Ice Harvesters: *This icy force both foul and fair
*Has a frozen heart worth mining.
*Cut through the heart, cold and clear.
(In the dark, Kristoff and Sven finally manage to get a single block of ice out of the water)
Ice Harvesters: *Strike for love and strike for fear.
*There's beauty and there's danger here.
*Split the ice apart!
*Beware the frozen heart.*
(The workers pile onto the giant horse-drawn ice sled as it pulls away)
(Left behind, Kristoff and Sven push their ice block onto a dinky little sled then head off)
KRISTOFF: Come on, Sven.
(We sweep up from them to the Northern Lights filling the sky…then move across the mountains… beneath the snowline… and descend upon…)
(EXT. THE KINGDOM OF ARENDELLE, OSLOFJORD, NORWAY — EVENING. A humble castle, build of wood, nestled in a deep Norwegian fjord)
(INT. NURSERY, ARENDELLE CASTLE — EVENING. ELSA (age 8) of Winter Solstice sleeps in her bed. Her little sister, ANNA (age 5) of Summer Solstice pops up beside them)
Young Anna: Elsa. Psst! Elsa! Psst.
(Elsa doesn't stir. Anna sits on Elsa and bounces)
Young Anna: Wake up. Wake up. Wake up!
Young Elsa: (grumbling) Anna, go back to sleep.
(Anna rolls onto her back and spreads all her weight on Elsa)
Young Anna: (SIGHS) (drama queen-ish) I just can't. The sky's awake, so I'm awake. So we have to play.
Young Elsa: Go play by yourself.
(Elsa shoves Anna off the bed)
(Anna lands butt to floor, sighs, defeated. But then she gets an idea. She hops back on the bed and lifts one of Elsa's eyelids)
Young Anna: (mischievously) Do you want to build a snowman?
(Elsa's eyes both pop open. She smiles)
(INT. CASTLE STAIRCASE — EVENING. Anna, now wearing her winter boots, pulls Elsa by her hand)
Young Anna: Come on, come on, come on!
(Elsa tries to shush her, but Anna's too excited)
(INT. BALLROOM — EVENING. The girls sneak into the ballroom. Elsa shuts the door)
ANNA: Do the magic! Do the magic!
(Elsa laughs and waves her hands together. Snowflakes suddenly burst forth and dance between her palms, forming a snowball)
Young Anna: Oh…
Young Elsa: Ready?
Young Anna: Uh-huh. (CHUCKLES)
(Elsa throws the snowball high into the air. Snow bursts out and flurries around the room. Anna dances, about, catching flakes in her palms and mouth)
Young Anna: This is amazing! (ANNA SCREAMING EXCITEDLY)
Young Elsa: Watch this!
(Elsa stomps her little foot and a layer of ice suddenly coats the floor, forming a giant ice rink. Anna slides off, giggling)
(PLAY MONTAGE:)
(-Elsa and Anna roll giant snowballs and build a snowman together. Elsa moves his sticks arms around)
Young Elsa: (goofy voice) Hi, I'm Olaf and I like warm hugs.
(Anna jumps and hugs him)
Young Anna: I love you, Olaf!
(-Anna and Olaf appear to be dancing. REVEAL: Elsa is actually propelling them across the ice floor with her magic)
ANNA: Olaf...
(-The girls slide down snowbanks together!)
Young Anna: Tickle bumps!
(Anna fearlessly jumps off a snow peak into mid air)
Young Elsa: Hang on!
Young Anna: Catch me!
(Elsa makes another peak to catch Anna)
Young Elsa: Gotcha!
(Anna keeps jumping. Elsa keeps casting magic)
Young Anna: (jumping faster) Again!
Young Elsa: (struggling to keep up) Wait! Slow down!
(Elsa suddenly slips)
Young Elsa: Anna!
(Her poorly-aimed magic accidentally STRIKES Anna in the head. Anna tumbles down a snowbank and lands, unconscious. Elsa runs to Anna and takes her in her arms)
Young Elsa: Anna!
(A streak of Anna's hair, where it struck, turns white)
Young Elsa: Mama! Papa! (SOBBING) No, no…
(Her escalating fear caused the room around them to fill with frightening ice, covering the walls of the ballroom with frost and toppling the snowman, signifying the end of the play)
Young Elsa: You're okay, Anna. I got you.
(The parents, KING AGNARR and QUEEN IDUNA burst through the frozen door. GASP at the sight of the room)
King Agnarr: (GASPS) Elsa, what have you done? This is getting out of hand.
Queen Iduna: (seeing Anna) Anna!
(Agnarr and Iduna rush to Anna and take her in their arms)
Young Elsa: It was an accident. I'm sorry, Anna!
Queen Iduna: (about Anna) Oh. She's ice cold.
King Agnarr: I know where we have to go.
(INT. DARK ROOM — NIGHT. Agnarr sifts through a shelf to find an ancient book inscribed with Old Norse runes. He opens the book, scrambles to a page with an ancient map)
(When the map falls from the page, it reveals the drawing of a troll, which seemed to be holding the Northern Lights in its hands. In front of of the troll, a wounded human lay quiet while the troll used the magic of the lights to heal him)
(EXT. ARENDELLE — NIGHT. Carrying the girls, Agnarr and Iduna ride their horses out of the kingdom. Snow streams from Elsa's hands, leaving a trail of ice behind them)
(EXT. FJORD MOUNTAIN FOREST — NIGHT. A sleepy Kristoff and Sven travel alone through the dark valley. All of a sudden, Agnarr and Iduna race by with the girls, leaving the wake of ice)
Young Kristoff: Ice?
(EXT. BLACK MOUNTAINS — NIGHT. Kristoff and Sven follow the trail of ice)
Young Kristoff: Faster, Sven!
(EXT. THE VALLEY OF THE LIVING ROCK — NIGHT. Kristoff and Sven stops at the edge of a deep valley. They hide behind a rock and peek out)
Young Kristoff: (WHISPERS) Sven!
(Down below, Agnarr holds a frightened Elsa. Iduna holds the still unconscious Anna)
King Agnarr: Please! Help! It's my daughter.
(Suddenly, a bunch of rocks tumble down the valley toward them. It looks as though they'll be crushed!)
(But, luckily, the rocks stop at their feet. The rocks then unfold, revealing bright faces)
Troll: It's the King.
(The crowd parts for a troll as old as the Earth. They call him GRAND PABBIE. He approaches arthritically, but determined. Kristoff and Sven behind the crowd and peek out)
Young Kristoff: Trolls?
(A rock in front of them wakes up. Meet BULDA)
Bulda: Shush. I'm trying to listen.
(She grabs Kristoff and Sven by hands and hugs them close. She eyes them)
Bulda: Cuties. I'm gonna keep you.
(Pabbie nods respectfully to Agnarr)
Grand Pabbie: Your Majesty. (referring to Elsa) Born with the powers or cursed?
King Agnarr: (STAMMERING) Born. And they're getting stronger.
Grand Pabbie: Here, here.
(Pabbie then motions to Iduna to bring Anna to her. She does. He examines her)
Grand Pabbie: (about Anna) You are lucky it wasn't her heart. The heart are not so easily changed, but the head could be persuaded.
King Agnarr: Do what you must.
Grand Pabbie: I recommend we remove all magic. Even memories of magic to be safe. But don't worry. I'll leave the fun.
(Pabbie pulls out a glowing blue energy from Anna's head. We see her memories floating right above her. Pabbie changes all of her magical memories to ordinary memories – snowy play indoors with the girls in their nightgowns changes to outdoors on the winter fjords with the girls in winter gear. He puts the ordinary memories back in her head)
Grand Pabbie: (SIGHS) She will be okay.
Young Elsa: But she won't remember I have powers?
King Agnarr: It's for the best.
Grand Pabbie: Listen to me, Elsa. Your power will only grow.
(As he speaks, he conducts the Northern Lights to show a silhouette of an adult Elsa creating magical snowflakes)
Grand Pabbie: There is beauty in it… But also great danger.
(The snowflakes turn to sharp spikes)
Young Elsa: (GASPS)
Grand Pabbie: (O.S.) You must learn to control it.
(In the Northern Lights display, the sharp spikes cause human figures to panic and attack Elsa)
Grand Pabbie: Fear will be your enemy.
(Elsa gasps and buries her face in Agnarr's chest. Agnarr wraps his arms around Elsa, protectively)
KING AGNARR: No! We'll protect her. She can learn to control it. I'm sure.
(Over Agnarr's words we…)
(-The Arendelle castle gates shutting)
King Agnarr: (O.S.) Until then, we'll lock the gates. We'll reduce the staff. We will limit her contact with people and keep her powers hidden from everyone. Including Anna.
(-The castle shutters close)
(-Anna sits on her bed and Elsa's furniture disappears)
(-Anna rushes to the hall to see Elsa shut the door to their new room. Anna watches, confused and sad)
(INT. CASTLE WINDOW — DAY. We look out on a gentle snowfall. Little Anna skips up to the window. She lights up at the sight of the snow and rushes down the hall)
(INT. HALLWAY, ELSA'S DOOR — DAY. Anna knocks on Elsa's door)
("Do You Want to Build a Snowman?")
Young Anna: *Do you want to build a snowman?
*Come on let's go and play.
(Anna peeks under the door)
Young Anna: *I never see you anymore.
*Come out the door.
*It's like you've gone away.
(-INT. BALLROOM — Anna plays with two dolls, gives up, sad)
Young Anna: *We used to be best buddies
*And now we're not.
*I wish you would tell me why.
(-ELSA'S DOOR. Anna peeks through the key hole)
Young Anna: *Do you want to build a snowman?
(-Anna calls through the keyhole)
Young Anna: *(MUFFLED) It doesn't have to be a snowman.
ELSA: Go away, Anna.
Young Anna: *(heartbroken) Okay bye.
(-BEDROOM — DAY. Elsa sits at the window looking out, longingly. Suddenly, Elsa's icy hands freeze the windowsill)
(-LATER. Agnarr slips gloves onto Elsa's hands)
KING AGNARR: The gloves will help.
(He pats her gloved hand)
King Agnarr: See? (starting their mantra) Conceal it.
Young Elsa: Don't feel it.
Both: Don't let it show.
(-INT. HALLWAY, ELSA'S DOOR — DAY. Anna, now 9, knocks on Elsa's door)
Teen Anna: *Do you want to build a snowman?
(-INT. HALLWAY — DAY. Alone, Anna rides a bicycle built for two in the hall by standing on the back seat)
Teen Anna: *Or ride our bike around the hall?
*I think some company is overdue…
(-INT. PORTRAIT ROOM — DAY. Anna runs around the portrait room, gaining momentum to flip over the arm of the couch)
Teen Anna: *I've started talking to
*The pictures on the walls.
(Anna lands PLOP on the cushions, then looks up at the painting above her of the courageous Joan of Arc)
Teen Anna: Hang in there, Joan.
(-INT. EMPTY LIBRARY — DAY. Looks like no one's around)
Teen Anna: *It gets a little lonely
*All these empty rooms.
(But then we find Anna, laying at the base of the grandfather clock, playing with her braids, bored out of her mind)
Teen Anna: *Just watching the hours tick by.
(Anna's eyes follow the grandfather clock's pendulum)
Teen Anna: (MIMICKING TICKING)
(-INT. BEDROOM — NIGHT. Elsa (now 12) paces as she panics. The entire wall is frozen up behind her)
Teen Elsa: I'm scared. It's getting stronger!
King Agnarr: Getting upset only makes it worse. Calm down.
(Agnarr goes to hug her)
Teen Elsa: No! Don't touch me! Please, I don't want to hurt you.
(He and Iduna look at her with alarmed sadness)
(-INT. LIBRARY — DAY. Anna, now a teenager, slides past the penthouse without stopping)
(-INT. AGNARR AND IDUNA'S QUARTERS — DAY. Anna runs into the room and throws himself into her parents' arms)
Anna: See you in two weeks!
(-INT. BEDROOM — DAY. Elsa curtsies in front of her parents, formally, not touching them)
Elsa: Do you have to go?
King Agnarr: You'll be fine, Elsa.
(-EXT. DOCKS — DAY. Agnarr and Iduna leave on a ship)
(-EXT. ROUGH SEAS — NIGHT. Lightning flashes. The sea rages in a storm. Agnarr and Iduna's ship is lost in the waves)
(-INT. CASTLE — DAY. A portrait of Agnarr and Iduna is covered in mourning cloth)
(-EXT. CEMETERY — DAY. Anna looks small, standing before her people, beside burial stones)
(-INT. HALLWAY, ELSA'S DOOR. Anna, still in her mourning clothes, approaches and knocks)
Anna: Elsa? *Please I know you're in there
*People are asking where you've been
*They say have courage
*And I'm trying to
*I'm right out here for you.
*Please let me in.
(Anna slides down against the door and sits with her head against it)
Anna: *We only have each other.
*It's just you and me.
*What are we gonna do?
*(Weak, internal) Do you want to build a snowman?*
(We move through the door…)
(-INT. ELSA'S ROOM — DAY. Elsa was sitting in the exact same pose as Anna. Their bedroom is frozen with ice. Snowflakes hang in the air, suspended by grief)
(EXT. GULAG 38B, SIBERIA — SNOWY NIGHT (TIMELINE: 02:42). In the frozen wasteland of Siberia stood a Gulag–a prison for the most dangerous of criminals)
(INT. PRISON HALLWAY, GULAG 38B — SNOWY NIGHT. Although armed guards and watchful dogs patrolled the prison, it was no match for one criminal mastermind: CONSTANTINE, the world's most dangerous frog. Looking almost exactly like Kermit the Frog, Constantine had one distinguishing mark: a mole on his upper lip)
(Peter Serafinowicz and other Gulag officers dine in a security room)
Peter Serafinowicz+: Exactly why do we have an "Open All Doors" button? Seem kind of dangerous.
Guard+: Eat your goulash.
(Suddenly, Constantine bursts in and attacks them)
(Constantine karate-chopped his way out of the cell)
Constantine: (WITH RUSSIAN ACCENT) Let's dance.
(Sirens blared and searchlights were activated. But he still escaped)
(EXT. GULAG 38B — SNOWY NIGHT. From a safe distance, he turned and looked at the prison camp. A wicked smile crossed his face as he held up a detonator)
Constantine: It's time to light the lights.
(BOOM! Part of the Gulag blew up!)
(INT. MUPPET NEWS FLASH)
Newsman: Muppet news flash. Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog, has escaped from a maximum security gulag in Siberia, Russia. This move has leapfrogged Constantine to the number one most wanted criminal in the world, one place ahead of the mysterious Lemur.
(VIDEO — STEEL ROOM. A sleek British fairy talks directly to us in a pixilated, garbed video. He's OUT OF BREATH. Crates are visible behind him. We're in the shadowy bowels of a steel room)
Leland Turbo: This is Agent Leland Turbo. I have a flash transmission for Agent Finn McMissile.
(SUPERIMPOSE OVER BLACK)
Leland Turbo: Finn, my cover's been compromised. Everything's gone pear-shaped.
(SUPERIMPOSE OVER BLACK)
Leland Turbo: You won't believe what I found out here.
(He angles our camera view, reveals a PORTHOLE through which we can see flames rising in the distance)
Leland Turbo: This is bigger than anything we've ever seen, and no one even knows it exists. Finn, I need backup, but don't call the cavalry, it could blow the operation. And be careful. It's not safe out here.
(ANGRY VOICES O.S. Time for Turbo to go)
FAIRY: Let's go.
Leland Turbo: Transmitting my grids now. Good luck.
(EXT. SOMEWHERE IN THE NORTH ATLANTIC — NIGHT. A TINY CRAB BOAT (CRABBY) crests over massive swells)
Crabby: All right, buddy, we're here. Right where you paid me to bring you. Question is, why?
(A British mustachioed fairy, emerges from the shadows. Smooth, he'd turn heads walking through any intersection in the world. Meet FINN MCMISSILE)
Finn: I'm looking for a fairy.
Crabby: A fairy? Ha! Hey, pal, you can't get any further away from land than out here.
Finn: Exactly where I want to be.
Crabby: I got news for you, buddy. There's nobody out here but us.
(Suddenly, a HORN --- a COMBAT SHIP, the size of most cruise ships. FINN quickly backs into the shadows, out of sight)
SHIP: What are you doing out here?
Crabby: What does it look like, genius? I'm crabbing.
Ship: Well, turn around and go back where you came from.
Crabby: Yeah, and who's gonna make me?
(A laser sight hits Crabby between the eyes)
Crabby: All right. All right. Don't get your prop in a twist. (as he turns to leave) What a jerk. Sorry, buddy. Looks like it's the end of the line. Buddy?
(ON CRABBY'S DECK: Finn is gone)
(FINN — He HANGS off the side of COMBAT SHIP, clandestine)
(We're with Finn as the ship continues on, cuts through the darkness with purpose. Suddenly, small flames appear, perhaps a knot or so away. Then WHOOSH!!! A flame rises above Finn, the ship. It illuminates a PIXIE DUST/OIL DERRICK)
(THWAP! Finn fires a GRAPPLING HOOK to the derrick and SWINGS toward it. He's going to SLAM into the side with brute force WHEN ---)
(--- HIS WEBBED FEET sprout a magnetic exoskeleton. He STICKS to the derrick and now DRIVES VERTICALLY UP UP UP...)
(From this vantage point, hundreds of derricks appear)
(EXT. PLATFORM — PIXIE DUST/OIL DERRICK — MOMENTS LATER. Finn approaches a loading bay from above, hides)
TANNOY: Incoming. All workers report to the loading dock.
(He watches as the fairies scurry about)
Finn: (into radio) Leland Turbo, this is Finn McMissile. I'm at the rally point. Over.
(No response)
Finn: (into radio) Leland, it's Finn. Please respond. Over.
Crate Fairy: Come on, guys. These crates aren't gonna unload themselves.
(AN ACCESS DOOR OPENS LOUDLY below. A monocle-wearing German fairy enters. This is PROFESSOR OTTO ZÜNDAPP)
Zündapp: (GERMAN ACCENT) Too many guys here. Out of my way.
Finn: Professor Zündapp?
Nosy: (O.S.) Here it is, Professor.
(Zündapp approaches a NOSY PACER who idles next to a CRATE)
Nosy: You wanted to see this before we load it?
Zündapp: Ah, yes. Very carefully.
(A worker opens the crate --- inside is a TV CAMERA, carefully in foam. Finn SNAPS PHOTOS FURIOUSLY)
Nosy: Oh, a TV camera. What does it actually do?
Zündapp: This camera is extremely dangerous.
Finn: (to himself) What are you up to now, Professor?
(Finn, angling for a better view, FIRES SUSPENSION WIRES ---)
(--- which sail clear to the other side of the derrick ---)
(--- THOK! They hook tightly onto a steel girder)
(Finn slides out ONTO THE WIRE like an acrobat, then expels another cross-wire for support)
Zündapp: This is valuable equipment. Make sure it is properly secured for the voyage.
Nosy: You got it.
(Finn LOWERS HIMSELF. He snaps more pictures)
Grem: (O.S.) Hey, Professor Z!
(Zündapp turns as a CRANE LOWERS A CRATE. GREM and ACER, two thug fairies, flank it)
GREM: This is one of those British spies we told you about.
Acer: Yeah! This one we caught sticking his bumper where it didn't belong.
(Finn PRODUCES SEMI-AUTOMATIC GUNS from his side, readies himself for a tag-team spy fight with his buddy Leland)
ZÜNDAPP: Agent Leland Turbo.
(The crate is lifted, revealing a CRUSHED, CUBED Leland Turbo)
(Finn's eyes go wide. Suddenly --- WHOOOSHHH! Another derrick flame rises behind him, casts a Finn-shaped SHADOW over the Professor. He looks up)
Zündapp: It's Finn McMissile! He's seen the camera! Kill him!
(Finn UNLOADS with bullets as he starts to retreat --- He STOPS:)
(BAD GUY FAIRIES are waiting for him on the catwalk where he just came from — BLOWTORCHES ready)
TANNOY: All hands on deck! All hands on deck!
(Finn, stuck in midair , notices an angry CRANE. Finn GRINS, having just found his escape)
(THWAPTHWAPTHWAP!!! Finn releases three of his four cables, swinging, Indiana Jones-style on the last one TOWARD THE CRANE ---)
(--- where he lands on its BOOM, slides UP and LAUNCHES OFF IT where he LANDS — MOVING — onto another deck!)
(Finn now SLIDES, spraying oil and screeching around corners. A THUG in pursuit hits the oil patch, loses control ---)
(--- and PLUMMETS OFF the side of the rig!)
(The thug FALLS... it's like an eternity...)
(He smashes into the water and breaks into a million pieces)
(ON FINN — Now set upon by 20 or 30 MORE pursuing thugs and fairies. he has nowhere to go but UP UP UP a ramp toward the helipad. He spies some GASOLINE BARRELS, fires a SINGLE BULLET which cuts through its leather straps, sending barrels DOWN the ramp, PAST FINN ---)
(--- PAST the pursing THUGS ---)
(--- to the bottom where they EXPLODE in a CHAIN REACTION back UP THE RAMP, taking out at least 15 THUGS!)
(ON THE HELIPAD — Finn blasts into view, pulls to a stop. No more road. Nowhere else to go)
(The 20 BAD GUY FAIRIES that are still in pursuit surround him, fire up their blowtorches. About to pounce)
(Finn GRINS. The second time we've seen this grin. It means he's got something cooking)
(Finn SLIDES BACKWARD off the edge of the helipad to the SHOCK of the other fairies)
(Finn falls. He turns himself so he's beak first, cleanly cutting into the water)
(He EMERGES, now sprouting HYDROFOIL and speeds away)
Grem: (nonplussed) Get to the boats!
(THE BOATS — an army of combat ships quickly DROP into the sea and CHURN WATER with unprecedented fury as they quickly make up the distance between them and Finn, FIRING BULLETS as they do so)
Acer: He's getting away!
Ship: Not for long!
(The LEAD COMBAT SHIP quietly drops a TORPEDO into the water. it skips along, connecting with Finn in his rear and EXPLODING with such force that water skyrockets into the night clouds)
(UNDERWATER — Finn SINKS. Then, he blinks. He GRINS. We're starting to like this grin and what follows it. He now dives into a waiting spy submarine. From his backpack, he releases four PIECES OF HAIR which float to the surface like body parts)
(ON THE DERRICK — Professor Zündapp watches it all from far away)
GREM: (over radio) He's dead, Professor.
ZÜNDAPP: Wunderbar! With Finn McMissile gone, who can stop us now?
(EXT. GLACIER — DAY. Using their claws as ice picks, the SCRAT scaled the glacier)
Scrat: (GRUNTING) (GRUNTING)
(He stabbed the tip of the overhang with his teeth. He gets his tongue stuck before he could fall)
Scrat: (GRUNTS AND WHIMPERING) (GROANS)
(He uses his long tongue to swing to the ice wall and gets free by pulling out his long tongue)
Scrat: (GRUNTING) (BLUBBERING) (SNUFFING)
(Scrat found his acorn embedded in a wall of ice. He hoisted himself up on top of the glacier to eventually reach the acorn)
Scrat: (SIGHS)
(But it was stuck as it was also in the ice wall)
Scrat: (GRUNTING AND PANTING)
(Scrat, with much effort, then pulled the acorn loose from the ice)
Scrat: (GROWLS)
(Pop!)
Scrat: (SIGHS)
(At that moment, however, a faint rumbling sounded from behind the ice and a small trickle of water squirted in Scrat's face)
Scrat: Uh-oh.
(The squirrel blocked it with his hand. Three more trickles of water all squirted out and Scrat blocks them all with each of his other limbs)
Scrat: (GIGGLES) (GASPS AND WHINES) (GRUNTS)
(CRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAKKKKKK! POP! One trickle popped through the ice and Scrat, having no other choice, plugged the hole with his snout)
Scrat: (GULPING)
(But this caused the trickle to fill him up with water like a water balloon)
(PSSSSSSHHH!!! Scrat was propelled back by the water still in his body away from the ice wall with his acorn)
Scrat: (SQUEALS) (SCREAMING)
(Scrat then falls down the ice wall…)
Scrat: Ooh. (SCREAMING)
(EXT. ICE — DAY. …crashing into several pieces of ice on the way until he hits one smooth section of ice)
Scrat: (GROANS)
(Scrat picked himself up)
Scrat: (BLUBBERS)
(Abruptly, he heard a young voice calling out and the squirrel was swept aside by a young shovelmouth, who was sliding down the ice as a slide while Scrat tried to move out of the slide's path. All of them shot out of the slide into…)
(EXT. PIXIE HOLLOW, LOS ANGELES — DAY. One bright and busy morning in the Autumn Forest, SILVERMIST, a water-talent fairy flew along the river. A handful of dragonflies buzzed around around her. They were collecting dewdrops to place on spiderwebs. Not far away, a garden fairy named ROSETTA was coaxing flowers to bloom. VIDIA, a fast-flying fairy, zipped overhead. The wind from her wings pushed the autumn leaves through the air)
Sydney Sierota: *We'll be there at the first breath of spring
*When the birds start to sing and the grass starts growing
*We'll be there in the still summer heat
*With the meadow's gleaming gold
*We'll be there on the crisp autumn days
*With the leaves all ablaze in the cool breeze blowing
*We'll be there for it all every year
(Each fairy had a job to do, including TERENCE, the dust keeper and his girlfriend, TINKER BELL, the tinker fairy, and they were all happily finishing their morning tasks and getting ready for our biggest adventure of the season, the world tour in Norway. But perhaps no fairies were quite as busy as the tinkers)
Sydney Sierota: *As we've been since days of old
*For what if the world is wider than we ever knew?
*And through all the seasons didn't we dream of something more?
*What if we brave the great unknown?
*What if we're not so all alone?
*What if it's you I'm searching for?*
(EXT. HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA — DAY. PETER PAN, putters into view)
Peter: Peter. Peter Pan, that's who is here to help you!
(He approaches OTIS on the side of the road. He turns around to the front, catching Otis' face for the first time)
Peter: Hey, Otis!
Otis: Hey, Peter. Gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought I could make it this time, but… (he tries to get up, freezing) Smooth like pudding, huh? Ah, who am I kidding? I'll always be a lemon.
(Peter swoops up Otis on the wheelbarrow)
Peter: Well jingles, you're leaking pixie dust again. Must be our guests. Hey, look on the bright side: This is your tenth fairy this month, so that means it's on the house.
Otis: You're the only one that's nice to lemons like me, Peter.
Peter: Don't sweat it. These things happen to everybody, Otis.
Otis: But you never leak dust.
Peter: Yeah, but I am not perfect. Don't tell nobody, but I think my face is starting to show through.
(Peter and Otis passed the sign that read WELCOME TO NEVER LAND. It has been amended to say: Home of Wendy Darling, Tinker Bell, and the Disney Fairies!)
Otis: Hey, is Wendy Darling back yet?
Peter: Not yet.
Otis: He must be crazy-excited when he has four skating trophy four! Wow!
Peter: Yeah, we're so jingles proud of her. But I sure wish he'd hurry up and get back because we got a whole summer's worth of best friend fun to make up for. Just me and–(GASPS)
(Ahead of them, a half-mile off, a 16-year-old English girl, WENDY DARLING is visible)
Peter: Wendy!
(Peter floors it, dragging the wheelbarrow with Otis behind him)
Otis: Uh, Peter? I'm in no hurry. You don't need to go so fast!
(Boom! They hit a bump. Otis catches air)
(EXT. NEVER LAND — DAY. Wendy is surrounded by the Pixie Hollow and Looney Tune Land gang)
Pound: Wendy. Welcome home.
Daffy: Good to have you back, buster.
Blanko: Congratulations, dude.
Bang: Welcome home, ma'am.
Elmer: The place wasn't the same without you, daughter.
Tweety: What? Did he go somewhere?
Wendy: It's good to be home, everybody.
(PETER CROWING)
(They all turn around, see Peter Pan speeding into the entrance, with Otis swerving behind him)
Wendy: Peter!
Peter: Wendy!
Wendy: Peter!
Peter: Wendy!
(Peter skids into the hotel and in one swift motion, slingshots Otis forward---)
Otis: Woaahhhhh!
(--- right through the pirate ship ---)
(EXT. SHIP'S CABIN — DAY. --- where he land perfectly on the chair. SYLVESTER carries the seed, routine)
Sylvester: Hey! How far did you make it this time, Otis?
Otis: Halfway to the county line.
Sylvester: Ooh! Not bad, buster.
Otis: I know, I can't believe it either!
(EXT. NEVER LAND — DAY.)
Peter: Wendy, welcome back!
Wendy: Peter, it's so good to see you.
Peter: You too, buddy.
(Wendy and Peter do a fist-bump style)
Peter: Oh, man. You ain't gonna believe the things I got planned for us.
(Everyone watches as the fist bump continues)
Mrs. Darling: (to Bupkus, an aside) These best friend greetings get longer every year.
Peter: (to Wendy) You ready to have some serious fun?
Wendy: Well, actually, I've got something to show you first.
(INT. HANGMAN'S TREE — DAY. CLOSE ON A SNAPSHOT shows the Disney Fairies Squad with their trophy. It has now changed)
PETER: Wow. I can't believe they renamed the trophy after our very own Air Jordan.
(Wendy and Peter are alone. Wendy approaches a wall with the trophies, framed articles, other sporting ephemera)
Wendy: I know Michael Jordan said these things were just old trophies, but to have someone else win it just didn't feel right, you know?
Peter: Well, Air Jordan would've been real proud of you. That's for sure.
(Wendy takes this in)
(EXT. HANGMAN'S TREE — DAY. Wendy and Peter exit the depot)
Wendy: All right, pal. I've been waiting all summer for this. What've you got planned?
Peter: You sure you can handle it?
Wendy: Come on, you know who you're talking to? This is Wendy Moira Angela Darling. I can handle anything.
(EXT. PIXIE HOLLOW — DAY. Peter and Wendy roll on railroad tracks. They're on the mine cart)
Wendy: Uh, Peter?
Peter: Just remember, your brakes ain't gonna work work on these!
(As they head into a dark tunnel–)
Wendy: (O.S.) Peter!
Peter: (O.S.) Relax, these train tracks ain't been used in years!
(From inside the tunnel a loud TRAIN HORN. The two friends emerge, going as fast as they can on train tracks, uphill, on the mine cart)
Wendy: Come on, come on! Faster, faster!
(Moments later, the harmless GALLOPING GOOSE appears, oversized horn visible, cackling and laughing at his prank)
(EXT. BEACH, NEVER LAND — DAY. An ENORMOUS BULL sleeps. Peter and Wendy sneak up)
Peter: This is gonna be good!
(They ring the jingle bells and he TIPS OVER, cow-tipping style. They laugh at the gag, but soon realize the bull's GIANT EXHAUST  PIPE is directly above them)
PETER: Uh-oh. This ain't going to be good.
(The exhaust pipe BELCHES. Peter and Wendy are BLASTED out of view)
(EXT. NEVER LAND — DUSK. The sun sets. Peter and Wendy roll into the meadow, exhausted. Peter is still full of energy)
Peter: Boy, this was the best day ever! And my favorite souvenir?
(Peter proudly shows off a dent)
Peter: This new dent!
Wendy: Oh, Peter. Today was, uh…
Peter: Shoot that was nothing. Wait until you see what I got planned for tonight.
Wendy: Peter, Peter. Whoa. I was kind of thinking of just a quiet dinner.
Peter: That's exactly what I was thinking.
Wendy: No, I…I meant with Bugs Bunny.
Peter: Even better! You, me and your friends going out for supper.
(Wendy pulls around in front of Peter, stops)
Wendy: Peter, I meant it would be just me and Bugs.
Peter: Oh.
Wendy: It's just for tonight. We'll do whatever you want tomorrow.
Peter: (disappointed) Okay.
Wendy: Thanks for understanding.
Peter: Yeah, sure. Y'all go on and have fun now.
Wendy: All right, then. See you soon, amigo!
(Wendy flies off. Peter watches him go)
(EXT. TIANA'S PALACE, HOLLYWOOD — NIGHT. It's been converted into a white-tablecloth, with citizens dining inside)
(WENDY and BUGS BUNNY have a prime table)
BUGS: Ah, this is so nice.
Wendy: I can't tell you how good it is to be here alone. Just the two of us, finally. You and me.
PETER: Ahem! Good evening.
Bugs: Ooh, what's up, doc.
(Peter Pan is at their table, dressed as a waiter)
Peter: My name is Peter, and I'll be your waiter. (to himself) Peter the Waiter. That's funny right there.
Wendy: Peter? You work here?
Peter: Yeah, I work here. What did you think? I snuck in here when nobody was looking and pretended to be your waiter, just so I could hang out with you?
(Wendy and Bugs exchange a look)
Wendy: Oh, yeah. How ridiculous would that be?
Peter: Now, can I start you two guys off with a couple drinks?
Wendy: Yes. I'll have my usual.
Bugs: Eh, you know what? I'm going to have that too.
(Peter blinks)
Peter: Uh, right. Your usual.
(INSIDE AT TIANA'S PALACE — Pound, Blanko, Bang, and Bupkus watch as Nawt mixes drinks, ala "Cocktail.")
Blanko: Thanks, dude.
Pound: Thank you, Nawt.
(Peter arrives)
Peter: Nawt, what's Wendy's usual?
Nawt: How should I know?
Peter: Perfect! Give me two of them.
Bang: Quiet! My program's on.
Mel Dorado: (O.S.) Tonight on The Mel Dorado Show.
(ON THE RESTAURANT TV — "THE MEL DORADO SHOW", begins with file footage of MILES AXLEROD)
Mel Dorado: (On TV) His story gripped the world. Pixie dust billionaire, Miles Axlerod, in an attempt to become the first man to circumnavigate the globe without GPS, ironically ran out of gas and found herself trapped in the wild.
(We see images of newspaper headlines, search crews)
Mel Dorado: (On TV) Feared dead, he emerged 36 days later, running on a fuel he distilled himself from the natural elements! Since then, he's sold his dust fortune, converted himself from a gas guzzler into a powerful fairy and has devoted his life to finding a renewable, clean-burning pixie dust.
(Images of pixie dust derricks torn down; Miles getting converted to companies; lab scientists testing chemicals)
Mel Dorado: (On TV) Now he claims to have done it with his Incanta.
(Images of pixie dust all combining to form the Incanta)
Mel Dorado: (On TV) And to show the world what his new super talent can do he's created a racing competition like no other, inviting the greatest tourists around the globe to battle in the first ever World Grand Prix, set in the world's fair of World Global Pavilion, Incorporated. Welcome, Sir Miles Axlerod.
(MILES AXLEROD arrives, sits across from Mel Dorado's desk)
Miles Axlerod: Thank you, Mel. It is very good to be here. Now listen to me. Big oil. It costs a fortune. Pollution is getting worse. I mean, come on. It's a fossil fuel. Fossil. As in dead dinosaurs. And we all know what happened to them. Alternative energy is the future. Trust me, Mel. After seeing Incanta in action at World Grand Prix, nobody will ever go back to gasoline again.
Peter: (to Blanko) What happened to the dinosaurs, now?
Mel Dorado: (On TV) And on satellite, World Grand Prix competitor and one of the fastest fairies in the world, Fionnoula O'Callaghan.
(Across the screen: LIVE FROM GLASGOW, SCOTLAND. We meet the Irish fairy FIONNOULA O'CALLAGHAN)
Fionnoula: It is an honor, Mr. Dorado, laddie. For you.
Mel Dorado: (On TV) Miles, why not invite Wendy Darling.
(Peter, collecting her drinks, looks up, half-intrigued)
Miles Axlerod: (On TV) Of course we invited them. But apparently after a very long touring season he is taking some time off to rest.
Fionnoula: (On TV) The Wendy Darling would not have a chance against Fionnoula.
(Peter doesn't like this)
Fionnoula: (On TV) I can fly over 300 kilometers an hour! In miles, that is like... way faster than Wendy.
Mel Dorado: (On TV) Let's go to the phones. Baltimore, Maryland, you're on the air.
WOMAN: (On TV) Am I on? Hello?
Mel Dorado: (On TV) You're on. Go ahead.
Caller: (On TV) Hello?
Mel Dorado: (On TV) Go ahead, caller.
(Dial tone. LINE GOES DEAD)
Mel Dorado: (On TV) Let's go to Pixie Hollow. You're on, caller.
PETER: That Irish feller you got on there can't talk that way about Wendy Moira Angela Darling. She's the bestest girl in the whole wide world.
(Bang and Blanko look around. Peter is visible in the back of the restaurant on an office phone)
Bang: Uh-oh.
Fionnoula: (On TV) If he is, how you say "the bestest girl," then why must she rest?
PETER: 'Cause she know what's important. Every now and then she prefers just to slow down, enjoy life.
Fionnoula: (On TV) Ah, you heard it! Wendy Darling prefers to be slow! Of course, this is not news to Fionnoula. When I want to go to sleep I watch two many shows. After two laps I am out cold.
(Audible people from the restaurant. A crowd has been forming ever since Peter started talking)
PETER: That ain't what I meant.
(WENDY AND BUGS — They hear the commotion inside)
WENDY: What's going on over there?
(TIANA'S PALACE — Wendy and Bugs push through the crowd, see that they're watching Fionnoula on the television)
FIONNOULA: She is afraid of Fionnoula.
WENDY: That's that Irish formula fairy. (to Bugs) Her name is…
Bugs: Fionnoula O'Callaghan. No wonder there's a crowd.
(When Bugs says her name, he enunciates each part)
Wendy: Wait, why do you know her name? And don't say it like that. It's three syllables, not ten.
Bugs: What? She's nice to look at. You know, open-heeled and all.
Wendy: What's wrong with fenders?
Bugs: Nothing.
Wendy: I thought you like my fenders.
Peter: (V.O.) (On TV) Let me tell you something else here, Mrs. San Francisco.
Wendy: Peter?
PETER: Wendy could fly circles around you.
Fionnoula: (On TV) Flying in the circles is all they can do, eh?
PETER: No. I mean yes. I mean she could beat you anywhere, anytime, any track.
(Wendy looks at Nawt who gives a nod over to --)
(-- Peter, turned away from the crowd, still on the phone)
Fionnoula: (On TV) Mel, can we move on? Fionnoula needs a caller who can provide a little more intellectual stimulation. Like a sparrow guy.
(ON Wendy. She doesn't like this at all)
Peter: That shows what you know. Sparrow guys is dumb.
(Suddenly, Peter is YANKED from the booth by the lasso and replaced by Wendy)
Wendy: Yeah, hello, this is Wendy Moira Angela Darling.
Fionnoula: (On TV) The Wendy Darling, eh?
Wendy: (V.O.) Look, I don't appreciate my best friend being insulted like that.
Fionnoula: (On TV) Wendy! That was your best friend? This is the difference between you and Fionnoula. Fionnoula knows how good she is. She does not need to surround himself with sparrowmen to prove it.
Wendy: Those are strong words from a fairy that is so fragile.
Fionnoula: (On TV) Fragilé? He calls Fionnoula fragilé? Not so fast, Mrs. Darling!
Wendy: "Not so fast." What is that, your new motto?
Fionnoula: (On TV) Motto?
(Fionnoula goes ballistic in Irish-Gaelic language. They cut her mic)
Miles Axlerod: (On TV) Well, this sounds like something that needs to be settled on the race course. What do you say, Wendy Moira Angela Darling? We've still got room for one more tourist.
Wendy: Well, I would love to. But the only thing is my crew is off for the season so…
(A sound O.S. Wendy turns to see Kermit, Piggy, Scooter, Fozzie, and Gonzo flank a tablecloth which is hanging off the dining table. Rowlf backs away, having pixie dust sprinkling "TEAM NEVER FAIRIES" on it. Nawt quickly pops three wine bottles)
Bupkus: Looney Muppets!
(Wendy turns back to the phone)
Wendy: You know what? They just got back. Deal me in, baby. Ka-chow!
(The place ERUPTS IN CHEERS)
(MOMENTS LATER — General excitement as Wendy exits the phone booth where Bugs waits. Off his look:)
Wendy: I know. I just got back. But we won't be long and…
Bugs: Eh, don't worry about me, doc. I've got enough to do here. Peter's going to have a blast, though. (off Wendy's silence) You're being Peter, right? You never bring him to any of the tours.
(Wendy turns to the bar where Peter privately tries their drinks, hates it, spits it back in the glass)
Bugs: Just let him sit in the pits, give him a headset. Come on, it'll be a thrill of a lifetime for him.
(Peter arrives)
Peter: Your drinks, ma'am.
Wendy: Peter.
Peter: I didn't taste it!
Wendy: How'd you like to come and see the world with me?
Peter: You mean it?
Wendy: Yeah. You got me into this thing. You're coming along.
Peter: All right!
(BEGIN MONTAGE:)
(-Wendy is swirled in a new strapless race dress with a mini skirt by Clarion. Peter, now sporting a "Pixie Squad" emblem, seems psyched as well)
(-An airport DEPARTURES SIGN advertises the next flight: Oslo, Norway)
(-Peter waves goodbye alongside Wendy, Bupkus, Blanko, Pound, Bang, and Nawt as --)
(-- Granny, Sylvester, Elmer, Yosemite Sam, Foghorn, Wile E., Lola, Porky, Daffy, Pepe, Bugs, Tweety, and Taz watches them board the plane. Taz bawls with tears of joy)
(-IN THE JET, LATER. Peter and Wendy are the only ones awake, watch an insane Norwegian game show)
(-OSLO AT NIGHT. A stylish Oslo cityscape of neon, glamour, scrolling billboards, vending machines and high-tech skyscrapers)
(-INSIDE A SOUVENIR SHOP loaded with fairy tale toys: Peter and Wendy enter. A tourist sees Wendy and faints)
(-AN ASOLO THEATER. The Never Fairies, the Muppets, and the Nerdlucks watches a folk dance. Peter, dressed in Sami makeup, arrives. He looks insane)
(-A HOCKEY GAME — The hockey players make a goal. Peter, now in his moment, cheers)
(The MONTAGE ENDS on this high note as we CUT TO ---)
(INT. NATIONAL ART CENTER — OSLO — MORNING. The Never Fairies, the Muppets, and the Nerdlucks, as they walk up the red carpet. Press is held at bay behind ropes WORLD GRAND PRIX and INCANTA logos are strategically placed for maximum press exposure. TOURISTS are interviewed by press behind the red-carpet ropes)
(INT. OSLO NATIONAL ART CENTER — MORNING. The Never Fairies, the Muppets, and the Nerdlucks enter via a second floor landing which overlooks a massive indoor party in a converted museum. As they walk down a ramp to the party, they are awed)
Pound: Guys, look. Cosmos and basketball. Let's go!
Wendy: Whoa! Look at this. Okay, now, Peter, remember, best behavior.
Peter: You got it, dear. Hey, what's that?
(He sees something, peels away)
Wendy: Peter!
Lewis: Hey, Wendy! Over here.
(It's Wendy's fellow tourists JEFF GORDON and LEWIS HAMILTON. Wendy now has no choice but to let Peter go)
Wendy: Lewis!
Lewis: Hey, man.
Wendy: Jeff!
Jeff: Hey, Wendy. Can you believe this party?
(PETER as he approaches a GLASS-ENCLOSED ROCK GARDEN where a troll RAKES with precision. He knocks on the glass with his dagger)
Peter: Hey. You done good. You got all the leaves.
(WENDY, LEWIS and JEFF)
Jeff: Check out that sparrowman.
Lewis: I wonder who that guy's with.
Wendy: Ah... Will you guys excuse me just for one little second?
(She zips over to Peter's side, quickly pulls him out of sight)
Peter: Ho-ho! Good job!
Wendy: Peter! Listen, this isn't Never Land.
Peter: You're just realizing that? Oh-ho! That jet lag really done a number on you.
Wendy: Peter, things are different over here. Which means maybe you should, you know, act a little different, too.
Peter: Different than what?
Wendy: Well, just help me out here.
Peter: You need help? Shoot! Why didn't you say so? That's what a sparrowman does. Yeah, I mean... Looky there. It's Mrs. San Francisco.
(FIONNOULA is visible across the room, holding court)
Peter: I'll introduce you.
Wendy: Peter, no!
Peter: (already on her way) Look at me. I'm helping you already.
(On FIONNOULA — MOMENTS LATER. Peter approaches, giddy)
Peter: Hey, Mrs. San Francisco, I'd like you to meet...
Fionnoula: Ah, Wendy Darling! Dia duit.
Wendy: Nice to meet you, Fionnoula.
Fionnoula: Nice to meet you, too. You are very good-looking. Not as good as I thought, but good.
Peter: (to Fionnoula) Excuse me. Can I get a picture with you?
Fionnoula: Anything for Wendy's friend.
(As Peter poses for a photo with Fionnoula)
Peter: Mr. Bunny is going to flip when he sees this.
Wendy: (SIGHS)
Peter: He's the best cartoon character.
Fionnoula: Oooh!
Peter: He's a big fan of yours.
Fionnoula: Hey, he has a good taste.
Wendy: Peter's prone to exaggeration. I wouldn't say he's a "big fan".
Peter: You're right. He's a huge fan! He goes on and on about your open heels.
Wendy: Mentioning it once doesn't qualify as going on and on.
Fionnoula: Fionnoula is familiar with this reaction to Fionnoula. Women respect a fairy that has nothing to hide.
Wendy: Yeah, er...
Fionnoula: Let us have a toast.
(Wendy doesn't like where this is going, covers)
Wendy: Let's.
Fionnoula: (raising a drink) I dedicate my win tomorrow to Mr. Bunny.
Wendy: Oh. Sorry. I already dedicated my win tomorrow to him. So, if we both do it, it's really not so special. Besides, I don't have a drink.
Peter: I'll go get you one. Do you mind if I borrow a few bucks for one of them drinks?
Wendy: (could kill her) They're free, Peter.
Peter: Free? Shoot, what am I doing here?
(Peter ZIPS OFF)
Wendy: I should probably go keep an eye on him. See you at the race.
(Wendy starts to leave)
Fionnoula: Yes, you will see Fionnoula, but not like this.
(Fionnoula does a 180, so her back now faces Wendy)
Fionnoula: You will see her like this as she flies away from you.
(Fionnoula wears a tattoo that says "Kiss me. I'm Irish!")
Wendy: Ha! That's cute. You had one of those made up for all the tour fairies?
Fionnoula: No.
Wendy: (CHUCKLES) Okay.
(He walks off)
Fionnoula: Kiss me, Wendy. I'm Irish!
Wendy: She is so getting beat tomorrow!
(INT. PARTY, OSLO NATIONAL ART CENTER — MOMENTS LATER. Lights cares the main stage where a crowd has formed)
PA: Ladies and gentlemen, Sir Miles Axlerod.
(MILES AXLEROD flies through an infinity fountain, appears)
Miles Axlerod: It is my absolute honor to introduce to you the competitors in the first ever World Grand Prix. From Brazil, number eight...
(We move on to...)
(EXT. THE KINGDOM OF ARENDELLE — MORNING. A new dawn rises over the fjords)
(Ships pull up to the docks. Guests pile out)
CAPTAIN: All ashore!
Dock Master: Welcome to Arendelle!
French Dignitary: (THANKING IN FRENCH)
Dock Master: Watch your step, please. The gates will be opening soon.
(A BOY tries to get away as his MOTHER tries to stuff him in his bunad jacket)
Boy: Why do I have to wear this?
Mother: Because the queen has come of age. It's Coronation Day!
Boy: That's not my fault.
(They pass the May Pole being raised and a Sami ice harvester chatting with his reindeer. We recognize them as KRISTOFF and SVEN, all grown up. Sven hops around excitedly like a dog and nuzzles Kristoff's chest)
Kristoff: (CHUCKLES) What do you want, Sven?
(Kristoff leans in and speaks for Sven, as if he can)
Kristoff: (as Sven) "Give me a snack." What's the magic word? (as Sven) "Please."
(Kristoff pulls a carrot out of his shirt pocket and hands it to Sven. Sven tries to bite the whole thing)
Kristoff: Uh! Uh-uh-uh. Share.
(Sven takes a smaller bite. Kristoff then has a bite himself, not seeming to care that it's covered in reindeer slobber)
(We move on to PERSI and AGGIE, a super-excited couple who rush towards the castle)
Persi: I can't believe they're finally opening up the gates!
Aggie: And for a whole day! (GIGGLES) Faster, Persi!
(They pass a tiny but menacing DUKE, who wears taps on his shoes to "enhance" his presence. Two thug guards follow close behind him)
Duke: (SIGHS) Arendelle, our most mysterious trade partner. Open those gates so I may unlock your secrets and exploit your riches. (catching himself) Did I say that out loud?
(We leave him and head down the bridge towards the castle gates, passing an Irishman and a Spanish Dignitary)
Irishman: Oh! Me sore eyes can't wait to see the queen and the princess. I bet they are absolutely lovely.
Spanish Dignitary: I bet they are beautiful.
(We move past them, to a particular castle window)
(INT. BEDROOM, CASTLE — DAY. ANNA, 18, snores. Drools. KNOCK. KNOCK)
KAI: Princess Anna? Princess Anna?
(Anna sits up. She's got major bedhead. She coughs. Snorts. Pulls a hair from her mouth)
Anna: Huh? (CLEARS THROAT) Yeah?
Kai: Oh. Sorry to wake you, ma'am.
Anna: No, no, no, you didn't. (YAWNS) I've been up for hours.
(She falls back asleep while sitting. She snores. Her head drops, startling her awake)
Anna: (GASPS) Who is it?
Kai: (STAMMERS) Still me, ma'am. The gates will open soon. Time to get ready.
Anna: Of course. (CLEARS THROAT) Ready for what?
Kai: Your coronation, ma'am.
Anna: My corneration.
(One eye opens enough to catch sight of her coronation dress. She bolts, wide awake in excitement)
Anna: (GASPS) It's Coronation Day!
(INT. CASTLE HALL — DAY. Anna bursts out of her room, wearing her coronation dress. She finishes pinning ribbons in her hair. Seeing the hustle and bustle of preparations, she can't help but SING)
("For the First Time in Forever")
Anna: *The window is open!
*So's that door!
*I didn't know they did that anymore.
*Who knew we owed 8000 salad plates?
(-Anna slides along the floor of the museum in her socks)
Anna: *For years I have roamed these empty halls
*Why have a ballroom with no balls?
*Finally, they're opening up the gates!
(-She shakes hands with a suit of armor. Breaks it. Hides the evidence)
Anna: *There'll be actual, real live people
*It'll be totally strange.
*But wow! Am I so ready for this change!
(-Anna comes to a window and jumps out onto a window washer's pulley. She raises herself up to see the ships arriving in Oslo)
Anna: *'Cause the first time in forever,
*There'll be music, there'll be light.
*For the first time in forever,
*I'll be dancing through the night.
(-Anna walks through the garden and follows a family of geese)
Anna: *Don't know if I'm elated or gassy,
*But I'm somewhere in that zone
*'Cause for the first time in forever,
*I won't be alone.
I can't wait to meet everyone! (GASPS) What if I meet The One?
(-Anna twists herself in a velvet drape like it's a gown. She acts like she looks beautiful, but she looks ridiculous)
Anna: *Tonight, imagine me gown and all
*Fetchingly draped against the wall.
*The picture of sophisticated grace.
(-She notices the bust of a lady across the room)
Anna: *(google-eyed) I suddenly see him standing there,
*A beautiful stranger tall and fair.
*(mouth full of chocolate) I wanna stuff some chocolate in my face!
(-She grabs the bust of the lady and swings it around)
Anna: *But then we laugh and talk all evening,
*Which is totally bizarre.
*Nothing like the life I've led so far.
(The bust goes flying and lands on the top of the cake)
(-Anna bursts into the portrait room, bounces on the furniture, and interacts with the paintings)
Anna: *For the first time in forever,
*There'll be magic, there'll be fun.
*For the first time in forever,
*I could be noticed by someone.
*And I know it is totally crazy
*To dream I'd find romance.
*But for the first time in forever,
*At least I've got a chance!
(INT. LIBRARY, CASTLE. Elsa watches out the window)
Elsa: *Don't let them in.
*Don't let them see.
*Be the good girl
*You always have to be.
(Elsa moves to a painting of her father)
Elsa: *Conceal. Don't feel.
*Put on a show.
*Make one wrong move
*And everyone will know.
(The candlestick and ornament ice over. Elsa gasps, slams them back down onto the table. She tries to reassure herself)
Elsa: *But it's only for today.
(We cut between Anna's excitement and Elsa's nerves)
Anna: *It's only for today!
Elsa: *It's agony to wait.
Anna: *It's agony to wait!
Elsa: *Tell the guards to open up the gate.
ANNA: *The gate
(-Anna moves through the crowd, admiring the people around him)
Anna: *For the first time in forever.
Elsa: *Don't let them in
*Don't let them see
Anna: *I'm getting what I'm dreaming of
Elsa: *Be the good girl you always have to be
Anna: *A chance to change my lonely world
ELSA: *Conceal
Anna: *A chance to find true love
Elsa: *Conceal. Don't feel.
*Don't let them know.
(-Anna hurries over the bridge and into the party square)
Anna: *I know it all ends tomorrow,
*So it has to be today!
*'Cause for the first time in forever
*For the first time in forever!
*Nothing's in my way!*
(Anna SLAMS right into the breast of a FJORD HORSE!)
(She falls back and lands in a small wooden boat. It trips off of the dock. She's heading overboard. But just then, the horse slams his hoof into the boat and steadies it)
Anna: (frustrated) Hey!
(The rider, HANS WESTERGÅRD, sure is handsome and regal)
Hans: I'm so sorry. Are you hurt?
Anna: (gentler) Hey. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Uh... (STUTTERS) No, no, I'm okay.
Hans: Are you sure?
Anna: Yeah. I just wasn't looking where I was going.
(He hops down from his horse and steps into the boat)
Anna: But I'm great, actually.
Hans: Oh... Thank goodness.
(He offers her a hand and their eyes meet. Chemistry. He helps her to her feet)
Hans: Oh! Uh... (bowing) Prince Hans of the Southern Isles.
Anna: (curtseying) Princess Anna of Arendelle.
Hans: "Princess"? My Lady.
(He drops to his knees, head bowed. The horse bows too, curling his roof up and out of the boat)
(The boat tips. Hans tumbles on top of Anna. Awkward)
Anna: Hi. Again.
(The horse slams his foot back into the boat to stabilize it. Anna and Hans tumble the other way. Anna lands on top of him)
Hans: Oh, boy!
Anna: This is awkward. Not "You're awkward," but just because we're... I'm awkward, you're gorgeous. (did she just say that?) Wait, what?
(Hans quickly gets to his feet and helps Anna up again)
Hans: I would like to formally apologize for hitting the princess of Arendelle with my horse. And for every moment after.
Anna: No! No, no. It's fine. I'm not that princess. I mean, if you had hit my sister Elsa, it would be... Yeesh! (CHUCKLES) Because, you know... (patting the fjord horse) Hello. (to Hans) But, lucky you, It's just me.
Hans: (CHUCKLES) "Just" you?
(Hans smiles, amused. She smiles back. The bells RING. She doesn't notice at first; she's too busy drinking in Hans's handsomeness)
Anna: (SIGHS) The bells. The coronation. (STUTTERS) I better go. I have to go. I better go. Uh...
(She hurries off, stops, turns back. Gives Hans a little wave)
Anna: Bye!
(As she rushes off again, Hans waves back. The horse waves too, once again taking his hoof out of the boat)
Hans: Oh, no. Oh!
(The boat falls, with Hans in it. SPLASH! It lands upside down in the water. Hans raises it up off of him, gasping for air)
(INT. PARTY, OSLO NATIONAL ART CENTER — DAY. ON FINN MCMISSILE. He appears from the shadows, keeps a careful distance from the stage. He ZEROES HIS GAZE ON---)
(---THE WORLD GRAND PRIX TV CAMERAS which roll, catching Miles Axlerod's speech for publicity and posterity)
(Finn's ONBOARD COMPUTER ANALYZES each one, compares to the photos we saw him snap on the oil platform. Each one is "NOT A MATCH." His view is suddenly disrupted by a BEAUTIFUL FAIRY. Meet HOLLEY SHIFTWELL. She approaches Finn)
Holley: Oh, hello.
Finn: Hello.
Holley: A Volkswagen Karmann Ghia has no radiator.
Finn: That's because it's air-cooled.
Holley: Great. I'm Agent Shiftwell. Holley Shiftwell from the Oslo station. I have a message from London.
Finn: Not here. (loudly) Try the canapes on the mezzanine.
(He moves her onto an elevator. The doors close on them)
(IN THE ELEVATOR, GOING UP)
Finn: The lab boys analyzed the photo I sent? What did they learn about the camera?
Holley: It appears to be a standard television camera. They said if you could get closer photos next time that would be great.
Finn: This was London's message?
Holley: Oh, no. No, sir. The dust platforms you were on, turns out they're sitting on the biggest oil reserve in the world.
Finn: How did we miss that?
Holley: They've scrambled everyone's satellites. The Americans discovered it just before you did. They placed an agent on that platform under deep cover. He was able to get a photo of the car who's running the entire operation.
(The doors OPEN and they exit onto the Mezzanine)
Finn: Who is it? Has anyone seen the photo yet?
Holley: Nope, not yet. The American is here tonight to pass it to you. He'll signal you when he's ready.
Finn: Good, good.
(Finn suddenly STOPS COLD)
Finn: Oh, no.
(Professor Zündapp is visible below them. He talks with a few thugs. Finn quickly retreats into the shadows. Holley follows suit)
Holley: What is it?
Finn: Change of plan. You're meeting the American.
Holley: What? Me?
Finn: Those thugs down there were on the dust platform. If they see me, the mission is compromised.
Holley: No, I'm technical. I'm in diagnostics. I'm... I'm not a field agent.
Finn: You are now.
(PETER as he grabs a drink, keeps moving)
Peter: I'll take one of them. Thank you.
(He snatches it)
Peter: Never know which one Wendy will have a hankering for.
(He approaches a sushi bar)
Peter: Hey. What you got here that's free? How about that pistachio ice cream?
(He refers to wasabi, of course)
Sushi Chef: No, no, wasabi.
Peter: Same old same old. What's up with you? That looks delicious!
(The chef starts to carve a small scoop aside for Peter)
Peter: Er...little more, please. It is free, right? (the chef adds more) Keep it coming. A little more. Come on, let's go. It's free. You're gettin' there. Scoop, scoop.
(The chef gives in. Scoops a baseball-sized ball out)
Peter: There ya go! Now that's a scoop of ice cream!
Sushi Chef: (IN JAPANESE) (subtitles: My condolences)
(MILES AXLEROD — He's now nearly done with her intros)
Miles Axlerod: And now our last competitor. Number ninety-five, Wendy Moira Angela Darling!
(Wendy approaches the microphone)
Wendy: Thank you so much for having us, Sir Axlerod. I really look forward to international tour. This is a great opportunity.
Miles Axlerod: Oh, the pleasure is all ours, Wendy. You and your team bring excellence and professionalism to this world's fair.
(As if on cue, Peter arrives with a scream of pain. Everyone turns as he charges head first toward the stage, making a bee-line for that FOUNTAIN)
Peter: Somebody get me water! Aah!
(He laps up water from the fountain like a diabetic cat)
Peter: (lapping water) Oh, sweet relief. Sweet relief.
(Miles Axlerod is shocked. The crowd can't believe it. Fionnoula giggles. Wendy, now sated, approaches the mic)
Peter: (to the crowd) Whatever you do, do not eat the free pistachio ice cream. It has turned. (VOICE ECHOES)
Wendy: Sir Axlerod, I can explain. This is Peter. He's...
Miles Axlerod: I know him. This is the bloke that called in to the TV show. (to Peter) You're the one I have to thank.
Peter: No, thank you. This trip's been amazing.
Miles Axlerod: (to Wendy) Ah. He's a little excited, isn't he?
(TILT DOWN to reveal a pool of pixie dust beneath Peter)
Wendy: Peter!
Peter: But wait, I... Oh, shoot.
Wendy: Peter.
(Wendy quickly pulls Peter aside, out of earshot of Miles Axlerod and the others)
Miles Axlerod: Has anyone got a towel?
(Wendy is beside herself)
Wendy: Peter, get a hold of yourself. You're making a scene!
Peter: But I never leak dust. Never.
Wendy: Go take care of yourself right now!
(Peter flies off)
(ON PETER — MOMENTS LATER. He flies through the party, frantic)
Peter: Coming through! Leaking dust. Where's the bathroom? Thank you. I gotta go. Oh, er...
(Someone points Peter down a hallway. He whips around the CORNER---)
(---and STOPS. Finds himself in front to TWO BATHROOMS DOORS, neither of which clearly indicate MALE or FEMALE)
Peter: (confused) What the...
(Peter chooses one, drives inside. A SHRIEK is heard and Peter zips out)
Peter: Sorry, ladies.
(He heads into the other door---)
(INT. MEN'S ROOM — DAY. Peter flies in, still "holding it in" like a kid)
Peter: I'm leakin'. I never leak. I never leak. I never leak, I never leak, I never leak. Oh, oh, I never leak.
(He sees someone leaving a stall. He heads in)
Peter: Oooh! I never leak, I never leak, never...
(IN THE STALL — Peter enters, looks up)
Peter: Wow-wee!
(The stall is a complicated apparatus with buttons and lights. High-tech Norwegian. It suddenly GRABS PETER, hoists him up as if's he's going to get a pixie dust change)
Peter: What in the...?
(A Norwegian style cartoon FAIRY appears on a TV MONITOR, followed by images of waterfall and rivers)
Peter: (giggling) Hey, that tickles!
(The fairy starts talking in Norwegian. Suddenly, WATER FIRES FORWARD underneath Peter's backside, goosing him. He freaks out)
(OUTSIDE THE STALL — With Peter's yells audible, we see a WINTER FAIRY enter, furtive. Suddenly, inexplicably, his frame BREAKS APART like an egg, revealing an AMERICAN MUSCLE MAN underneath. The pieces of the Winter Fairy disappear under him, clearly his disguise. This is ROD REDLINE — American agent)
Rod Redline: Okay, McMissile. I'm here. It's time for the drop.
(INT. PARTY — SAME. Holley, rolls alongs by themselves. Nervous. DING! Her monitor springs to life)
Holley: (into radio) Okay, so, the American has activated his tracking beacon.
Finn: (into radio) Roger that. Move in.
(INT. BATHROOM — SAME. Rod Redline waits at a sink, feels a presence behind him)
(GREM and ACER have entered, hesitate briefly when they see Rod Redline)
(Rod Redline, careful, slides a gun out of his hand. He is suddenly CHARGED by the thugs ---Rod SPINS AROUND and gets a shot off but is SLAMMED HEAD FIRST. A TIGHT, CLOSE-QUARTERS FIGHT begins ---)
(IN THE STALL — Peter, still TRAPPED, is now being SCRUBBED as if in a fairy wing wash. He is helpless)
(OUTSIDE THE STALL — Rod is being pulverized. Just when he scrambles away from one fairy, the other one takes over)
(IN THE STALL — Peter is mercifully released, but when he back out ---)
(--- Rod Redline is THROWN INTO PETER'S STALL DOOR, crunching it and sending Peter ---)
(BACK INTO THE CLUTCHES of the insane brushes)
(INT. PARTY — SAME. Holley isolates the tracking beacon's location in the party)
Holley: Oh, you've got to be joking.
Finn: What's the problem?
Holley: He's in the loo.
Finn: So, go in!
Holley: I can't go into the men's loo!
Finn: Time is of the essence, Shiftwell.
Holley: All right.
(INT. BATHROOM — OUTSIDE THE STALL. Rod Redline is in bad shape. He backs away, betrays a look of concern. He's in trouble here)
(ACER burns rubber, ready to finish him off. Just as he shifts into FLIGHT ---)
(--- PETER'S STALL DOOR KICKS OPEN, knocking ACER out. Peter jumps out, face-to-face GREM)
Peter: (out of breath) Oh! Whatever you do, I would not go in there!
(The door SWINGS shut, revealing the pulverized Acer)
Peter: Hey! A Gremlin and a Pacer!
(Rod Redline, now behind Peter and sensing an opportunity here, quickly produces A SMALL DEVICE)
Peter: (to Grem and Acer) No offense to your makes and models, but you break down harder than my cousin Betsy after she got left at the—
(Rod Redline, surreptitiously attaches the device to Peter's backside)
Peter: —altar! What the...?
(He turns around, sees Rod Redline for the first time)
Peter: Whoa. Are you okay?
Rod Redline: I'm fine.
Grem: Hey!
(Peter turns back to Grem and Acer)
Grem: Sparrowman! We'd like to get to our private business here, if you don't mind.
Peter: Oh, yeah, sorry. Don't let me get in the way of your private business. Oh, a little advice. When you hear a giggle and see that waterfall, you best press that green button.
Grem: Thank you.
Peter: It's to adjust the temperature.
Acer: Got it.
Peter: And it's in Celsius, not Fahrenheit.
Grem: Get out of here!
Acer: Get out of here!
Peter: All right, then.
(Peter exits, leaving Rod Redline to a now even angrier Grem and Acer)
Peter: And when she starts gigglin' prepare to be squirted.
(INT. PARTY, OSLO NATIONAL ART CENTER — DAY. Holley arrives at the door. She takes a breath, is about to enter when Peter EXITS)
Peter: 'Scuse me, ma'am. (BACKFIRES)
(He passes her, expelling some exhaust in the process. Holley's monitor tracking confirms that the device is on him)
Peter: (to himself) Jingles pistachio ice cream.
Holley: (into radio) This cannot be him.
FINN: Is he American?
Peter: (flying off, to herself) Look out, guys. Peter's fittin' to get funky.
Holley: (into radio) Extremely.
Finn: (over radio) Then it's him.
(It's settled. Holley takes one more nervous breath, quickly closes the distance between her and Peter, cuts him off. He is forced to STOP)
Holley: Hello.
Peter: Well, hello.
Holley: A Volkswagen Karmann Ghia has no radiator.
Peter: Well, of course it doesn't. That's 'cause it's air-cooled.
Holley: (relieved) Perfect. Erm...I'm from the Oslo Station.
Peter: 'Course, Karmann Ghias weren't the only ones. Besides the Beetles, you had Type 3 Squarebacks with the Pancake motors.
Holley: Yeah, okay. I get it.
Peter: And before both of them there's the pixie dust fairies. My buddy Fairy Gary's one of them.
Holley: Listen! Erm... We should find somewhere more private.
Peter: Gee, don't you think that's a little...?
Holley: (nervous energy) You're right. Impossible to know which areas here are compromised. So, when can I see you again?
Peter: Well, let's see. Tomorrow I'll be out there at the race.
Holley: Got it. We'll rendezvous then.
(EXT. THE KINGDOM OF ARENDELLE — DAY. Soon the people of Arendelle, along with dignitaries from around the land, were making their way into the royal church for Elsa's coronation. Kristoff, however, was far away, in a corner of the town. He had sold all his ice and was now busy bargaining for a brand new sleigh)
Kristoff: Watch this, Sven!
(He played around with the sleigh's special features, which allowed it to switch between runners and wheels)
Kristoff: It's a sleigh! It's a wagon! It's a sleigh! It's a wagon!
(A sleigh salesman looked concerned, as if he was wondering what kind of person would talk to a reindeer. But he wanted to finish the sale. He tried to make small talk as they completed their deal)
Salesman: You sticking around to see the queen and the princess?
Kristoff: Are you kidding? I've got a brand-new sleigh...with wheels! I'm hitting the road.
Salesman: Suit yourself. But I bet they're beautiful.
(Kristoff didn't even hear the man. He and Sven were already headed back to the mountains with their new sleigh)
(INT. ROYAL BANQUET BAR, OSLO — DAY. The Muppets (Janice, Floyd, Walter, Gonzo, Fozzie, Kermit, Piggy, Rowlf, Behemoth, Scooter, Beaker, Bunsen, Zoot, Animal, Sweetums, Rizzo, the Swedish Chef, Pepé, Dr. Teeth, Camilla) accept the meeting at the bar. They sat in a booth across from SIR DOMINIC BADGUY)
(Dominic got right down to business)
Dominic: Glad you've conquered WGP Inc.
Kermit: Not really. We only did one show.
Dominic: Wow. Thanks for seeing me at my regular booth, Muppets. Big fan. Huge.
(MUPPETS MURMURING)
Dominic: Dominic. International tour manager.
(He handed Fozzie his business card)
Fozzie: "Dominic Badguy"?
Dominic: It's pronounced "Bad-gee." (CLEARS THROAT) It's French.
MUPPETS: Ah!
Dominic: It means "good man."
Kermit: Oh, yes.
Miss Piggy: Oh!
(Dominic kept going)
Dominic: Listen up. You're hot. You're having a moment. But what is inevitable about a moment? It ends.
Fozzie: I don't want this moment to end!
Dominic: That's why we got to get out there now and capitalize on this moment with a capital "C," yeah? I want you to conquer the world. Do an international tour. Show a global audience what you can do.
Muppets: (EXCITED CHATTER)
Kermit: Yeah, that sounds great but I'm just not sure… Wait a second, guys, listen. I'd love to do that, too. But we've barely gotten back together. We don't want to mess that up.
(Dominic crossed his arms)
Dominic: Okay, I am inundated with offers of management at the moment. One Direction, U2, Cirque du Soleil. Just some of the acts I can list.
Fozzie: Wow, that's a good list!
Kermit: Does that mean you've tour managed?
Floyd: Yeah, you heard the man, Green Stuff. What else do you want?
Dominic: And now, I wanna tour manage you guys. I know you're the boss, Kermit. I wouldn't interfere with that. We would share our managerial roles because you've got a special bond with these little guys.
Kermit: Sure.
(Just then, his phone rang)
Dominic: Uh… Oh! (SCOFFS) President Clinton?
(MUPPETS GASPING)
(EXT. SIBERIA, RUSSIA — NIGHT. Constantine was on the way to WGP)
Constantine: I'm on my way, Number Two.
(INT. ROYAL BANQUET BAR, OSLO — DAY. Dominic excused himself to another room to take the call)
Dominic: Great, they're taking the bait.
(He was out of earshot)
Gonzo: Well, he seems like a nice guy.
(Rowlf agreed)
ROWLF: Yeah. Humble and honest.
Kermit: I just… I think we have to get settled first, you know? Hone the show, get some new material, and then maybe go on a world tour.
DOMINIC: See you in Berlin.
CONSTANTINE: Yes. Auf Wiedersehen…
(EXT. SIBERIA, RUSSIA — NIGHT.)
Constantine: …Number Two.
(Constantine hang the phone up, held up the detonator and blew up the booth)
(INT. ROYAL BANQUET BAR, OSLO — DAY. Dominic returned)
Dominic: So… What's it gonna be, Muppets? Ready to be world famous? No pressure, but I am a very busy man.
(The phone rang again)
Dominic: Oh! That's Rihanna. I really should take this.
(All the Muppets didn't agree and begged Kermit)
(MUPPETS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Animal: World tour! World tour!
Kermit: Look, guys, we can't just blindly jump at the first offer that comes along.
(Piggy piped up)
Miss Piggy: Kermit, weren't you listening? We're having a moment. This may be our only chance to become world famous. It's our only chance.
(Kermit was still reluctant, until Walter came up with an idea)
Walter: Well, I mean… I guess we could always hone our acts on the road, and that would be okay. Wouldn't it, Kermit?
ANIMAL: World tour! World tour! Come on, froggy!
Muppets: (INDISTINCT TALKING CONTINUES)
(Finally, Kermit agreed)
Kermit: Okay, let's do it. Dominic, you're hired.
Muppets: (CHEERING)
Dominic: Thanks, Kermit. I mean, boss. You won't regret this.
Kermit: Welcome aboard!
(Piggy rushed over and hugged Kermit)
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie. This is so exciting. There's nothing more romantic than a European wedding. Paris, or Rome, or London, or…
Kermit: Wedding? Piggy, what are you talking about?
(INT. CHURCH CHAPEL — DAY. Elsa stands at the altar. Anna stands off to one side. She peeks out to the audience)
(Hans waves at her from the pews. He's changed his clothes)
(The crown is placed on Elsa's head. The scepter and orb are presented to Elsa on a pillow. She slowly reaches for them)
Bishop: (CLEARS THROAT) (a whisper) Your Majesty, the gloves.
(Elsa hesitates. She breaths nervously, removes her gloves, places them on the pillow. Her hands shake. She takes the orb and scepter, and turns to the people)
Bishop: (formal, in Old Norse) Sehm hon HELL-drr IN-um HELL-gum AYG-num ok krund ee THES-um HELL-gah STAHTH, ehk teh frahm FUR-ear U-thear…
(The scepter and orb start to freeze over)
Bishop: Queen Elsa of Arendelle.
Crowd: Queen Elsa of Arendelle.
(Just in time. Elsa manages to set the orb and scepter back down the pillow before anyone notice the ice. She picks up her gloves and slips them on. She made it)
(INT. GREAT HALL — NIGHT. Spring music fills the Great Hall. Guests dance. Eat. Laugh)
(TRUMPETS SOUND)
Kai: (announcing) Queen Elsa of Arendelle.
(Elsa enters, poised and looking surprisingly content. They stands under a formal awning)
Kai: Princess Anna of Arendelle.
(Anna runs into the room, waves awkwardly. Kai ushers their over to stand right to Elsa)
Anna: Oh. Here? Are you sure? Because I don't think I'm supposed to... Oh. Okay.
(She and Elsa sneak awkward peeks at each other)
Elsa: Hi.
Anna: "Hi" me? Oh... Um... Hi.
Elsa: You look beautiful.
Anna: Thank you. (CHUCKLES) You girls look beautiful-ler. I mean, not "fuller." You don't look fuller. But more beautiful.
Elsa: (CHUCKLES) Thank you.
(They look out at the celebration)
Elsa: So... This is what a party looks like.
Anna: It's warmer than I thought.
Elsa: What is that amazing smell?
(They both close their eyes and inhale)
ALL: Chocolate. (CHUCKLING)
(Their eyes pop open. They laugh)
(Elsa looks back out at the party. Anna looks at Elsa. She want to say so much, but she can't think of where to start. Just as she finds her way, Kai interrupts)
KAI: Your Majesty. The Duke of Weaseltown.
Duke: "Weselton"! The Duke of Weselton, Your Majesty. (to Elsa) As your closest partner in trade it seems only fitting that I offer you your first dance as queen.
(The Duke does a funny flitters of his feet, a hitch-kick, and a deep bow)
Duke: (whispers to himself) One-two, and jump.
(As he holds out his hand, head down, his toupee dips forward. Anna giggles. Elsa looks at Anna, stifles a giggle herself)
Elsa: (to the Duke) (CLEARS THROAT) Uh... Thank you. Only, I don't dance.
Duke: Oh...
Elsa: But my sister does.
Anna: (CHUCKLES) What?
Duke: Oh! Lucky you.
Anna: Oh, I don't think...
(The Duke grabs Anna's arm and yanks her away before she can protest)
DUKE: If you swoon, let me know. I'll catch you.
(Anna looks back at Elsa, desperately)
Elsa: Sorry.
(OUT ON THE DANCE FLOOR: The Duke showboats, but he's just awful. Anna tries to make the best of it)
Duke: Like an agile peacock. (WARBLING)
(He lands on her feet)
Anna: Ow! Ow.
Duke: Speaking of, so great to have the gates open. Why did they shut them in the first place? Do you know the reason? Hmm?
(He gets in her face, suspicious)
Anna: No.
Duke: No. All right. Hang on! They don't call me the "Little Dipper" for nothing!
(He dips Anna back. Elsa peeks through the crowd, can barely hold in her laughter. Anna shoots Elsa funny, help-me looks)
Duke: (groove fully on) Oh-ho! Like a chicken with the face of a monkey, I fly.
(MOMENTS LATER... Anna limps back to Elsa)
DUKE: Let me know when you're ready for another round, Milady.
Elsa: (CHUCKLES) Well, he was sprightly.
Anna: (rubbing her sore feet) (GROANS) Especially for a man in heels.
Elsa: Are you okay?
Anna: (loving Elsa's attention) (CHUCKLES) I've never been better. This is so nice. I wish it could be like this all the time.
Elsa: (sincere) Me, too.
(But then Elsa catches herself. She stiffens up, looks away)
Elsa: But it can't.
Anna: Why not?
Elsa: It just can't.
(Anna's smile drops. She tries not to get emotional)
Anna: Excuse me for a minute.
(She walks away. Elsa watches her go, saddened)
(Moving through the crowd, Anna gets bumped by a bowing man's butt)
MAN: I'd be honored.
(She falls. Just before she hits the floor, Hans catches her. He smiles perfectly)
Hans: Glad I caught you.
Anna: Hans.
(He smoothly sets his drink down on a passing tray. She lifts Anna up and leads her in a romantic dance)
(LATER: Anna and Hans drink and chat)
Anna: I often had a whole parlor to myself to slide! Oops! Sorry.
(She hits Hans in the face by mistake with her hands. He laughs)
(-OSLO: Anna and Hans stroll along the canal)
Anna: Your physique helps, I'm sure, too.
(-THE ROSE GARDEN... Hans notices her white streak)
Hans: (about her white streak) What's this?
Anna: Uh, I was born with it. Although, I dreamed I was kissed by a troll.
Hans: I like it.
(INT. BALCONY — NIGHT. Anna teaches Hans how to eat krumkake)
Anna: Yeah, the whole thing. You got it.
(They laugh as the krumkake crumbles in his face)
Anna: Okay, wait, wait. So, you have how many brothers?
Hans: Twelve older brothers. Three of them pretended I was invisible, literally, for two years.
Anna: That's horrible.
Hans: It's what brothers do.
Anna: And sisters. Elsa and I were really close when we were little. But then, one day, you just shut me out, and I never knew why.
(Hans takes her hand. Leans in close)
Hans: I would never shut you out.
Anna: Okay, can I just say something crazy?
Hans: I loves crazy.
("Love is an Open Door")
Anna: *All my life has been a series of doors in my face.
*And then suddenly I bump into you.
Hans: I was thinking the same thing, because like…
*I've been searching my whole life
*To find my own place.
*And maybe it's the party talking,
*Or the chocolate fondue.
Anna: *But with you
Hans: *But with you,
*I found my place.
Anna: *I see your face.
Both: *And it's nothing like I've ever known before.
(They jump to the neighboring balcony and enter a door)
(They come out on top of one of the house's towers)
Both: *Love is an open door!
*Love is an open door!
(Cut to them sliding across an empty hallway in their socks)
Both: *Love is an open door
Anna: *With you!
Hans: *With you!
Anna: *With you!
Hans: *With you!
Both: *Love is an open door.
(They hop up on the house roof and watch a moon)
Hans: *I means it's crazy.
Anna: What?
Hans: *We finish each other's
Anna: *Sandwiches!
Hans: That's what I was gonna say!
(They slide down the back of the roof out of sight)
(We next find them strutting on a bridge ledge)
Anna: *I've never met someone
Both: *Who thinks so much like me.
Jinx! Jinx again!
(Are they doing the robot? No. They're imitating the mechanical figures on the clock tower)
Both: *Our mental synchronization
*Can have but one explanation,
Hans: *You
Anna: *And I
Hans: *Were
Anna: *Just
Both: *Meant to be.
(Anna and Hans dance on top of the roof and cast dancing shadows across the ice)
Anna: *Say goodbye
Hans: *Say goodbye
Both: *To the pain of the past.
*We don't have to feel it anymore!
*Love is an open door!
(They play hide and seek amongst the stable doors)
Both: *Love is an open door!
(They climb to the tower looking out over Oslo)
(Anna raises up her hands to frame the moon. Hans puts his hands on top of hers. Together their hands form a heart)
Both: *Life can be so much more
Anna: *With you!
Hans: *With you!
Anna: *With you!
Hans: *With you!
Both: *Love is an open
Hans: *Door.*
Anna: *Door.*
Hans: Can I say something crazy? Will you marry me?
Anna: (GASPS) Can I say something even crazier? Yes!
(INT. ARENDELLE BALL — NIGHT. Anna pushes through the crowd towards Elsa, Hans in tow)
ANNA: Coming through.
HANS: Excuse me. Oh...
ANNA: Pardon. Sorry.
WOMAN: Oh!
Anna: Can we just get around you there? Thank you. Oh! There she is. Elsa!
(Elsa turns to Anna. Anna curtseys awkwardly)
Anna: I mean, Queen. Me again. Um... May I present Prince Hans of the Southern Isles.
Hans: Your Majesty.
(Elsa gives a polite but reserved curtsey)
Both: We would like...
Hans: Uh, your blessing...
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Both: Of our marriage.
Elsa: Marriage?
Anna: Yes! (SQUEALS)
Elsa: I'm sorry, I'm confused.
Anna: Well, we haven't worked out all the details ourselves. We'll need a few days to plan the ceremony. Of course, we'll have soup, roast and ice cream. And then... (GASPS) Wait. Would we live here?
Elsa: Here?
Hans: Absolutely!
Elsa: Anna!
Anna: Oh! We can invite all 12 of your brothers to stay with us.
Elsa: What? No, no, no.
Anna: Of course we have the room. I don't know. Some of them must...
Elsa: Wait, slow down. No one's brothers are staying here. No one is getting married.
Anna: Wait, what?
Elsa: May I talk to you, please? Alone.
(Elsa sees Anna's worried face. Hooks arms with her)
Anna: No. Whatever you have to say, you can say to both of us.
Elsa: Fine. You can't marry a man you just met.
Anna: You can if it's true love.
Elsa: Anna, what do you know about true love?
Anna: More than you. All you know is how to shut people out.
Elsa: (GASPS) You asked for my blessing, but my answer is no. Now, excuse me.
Hans: Your Majesty, if I may ease your...
Elsa: (flustered) No, you may not. (STUTTERS) And I think you should go.
(Elsa walks away. As she passes the Royal Handler--)
Elsa: The party is over. Close the gates.
KAI: Yes, Your Majesty.
Anna: What? Elsa, no, no! Wait.
(Anna grabs Elsa's hand. She pulls off Elsa's glove. Elsa gasps, spins around and reaches for the glove in panic)
Elsa: (GASPS) Give me my glove!
(Elsa holds the glove away from Anna)
Anna: (desperate) Elsa, please, please. I can't live like this anymore!
(Elsa fights tears)
Elsa: (weak) Then leave.
(Elsa sees Anna's hurt face. It's too much. She can't hold it in. She turns and rushes away)
Anna: (heartbroken) What did I ever do to you?
(The party goes silent as everyone watches the girls)
Elsa: Enough, Anna.
Anna: No, why? Why do you shut me out? Why do you shut the world out? What are you so afraid of?
Elsa: I said, enough!
(Ice shoots from Elsa's hand, spikes across the floor! Guests cry out in shock, back away)
Duke: (ducking behind his men) Sorcery. I knew there was something dubious going on here.
Anna: Elsa.
(Elsa rushes out of the room)
(EXT. COURTYARD — NIGHT. Elsa bursts out of the castle door. The CITIZENS CHEER!)
Crowd: There she is. Your Majesty! Long live the Queen! Queen Elsa.... Come drink with us.
WOMAN: There she is!
(Elsa ducks through the crowd, holding her bare hand)
MAN 1: Yes! It is her!
Bowing Townsman: Queen Elsa.
MAN 2: Our beautiful queen!
Townswoman with Baby: Your Majesty? Are you all right?
(Elsa backs away from the baby. She knocks into the fountain, grabs its edge. The waters freeze at her touch)
(GASPS of shock and fear sweep over the crowd)
(The Duke and thugs come out the door)
Duke: There she is! Stop her!
Elsa: (to the Duke) Please, just stay away from me. Stay away.
(Magic accidentally shoots from her hand and turns the staircase into ice. The thugs and the Duke fall)
Duke: Monster. Monster!
(The crowd panics)
(A snowstorm begins. Elsa flees)
(Anna runs out of the palace doors, carrying the glove)
Anna: Elsa!
(Anna follows closely behind her)
(GATES TO THE KINGDOM: Elsa runs out of the gates and down to the water's edge)
ANNA: Elsa!
(The shoreline freezes under her feet. Anna calls to her from the gates)
Anna: Wait, please!
(Elsa glances back at Anna, but turns away. She tentatively steps out onto the fjord. It freezes instantly. She breaks into a run, as the water freezes over with each step)
Anna: Elsa, stop!
(Anna rushes out onto the fjord ice, slips, falls)
Hans: Anna!
(Hans rushes to Anna's side. Elsa reaches the far shore. She doesn't look back. She just scrambles into the mountains)
Anna: No.
Hans: (shocked) The fjord.
(The ice spreads out until the entire fjord is frozen, locking the ships in place)
(INT. CASTLE COURTYARD — NIGHT. Snow falls. Anna and Hans move through the panicking crowd)
Gerda: Snow!
Anna: Snow?
Gerda: Yes, snow.
Crowd: Snow? It's...snow...in July.
Hans: Are you all right?
Anna: (in shock) No.
Hans: Did you know?
Anna: No.
(Nearby, the Duke flutters about in fright)
Duke: Look, it's snowing. It's snowing! The queen has cursed this land! She must be stopped! (to his thugs) You have to go after her.
Anna: Wait, no!
(The Duke hides behind his thugs and points out at Anna)
Duke: You! Is there sorcery in you, too? Are you a monster, too?
Anna: No, no. I'm completely ordinary.
Hans: That's right, she is. (realizing how that sounds) In the best way.
Anna: And my sister is not a monster.
Duke: She nearly killed me!
Hans: You slipped on ice.
Duke: Her ice.
Anna: It was an accident. She was scared. She didn't mean it. She didn't mean any of this. Tonight was my fault. I pushed her. So, I'm the one that needs to go after her.
Hans: What?
Anna: (to the Royal Handler) Bring me my horse, please.
Hans: Anna, no. It's too dangerous.
Anna: (SCOFFS) Elsa is not dangerous. I'll bring her back, and I'll make this right.
(The Royal Handler brings Anna her fjord horse and a cloak)
Hans: I'm coming with you.
Anna: No, I need you here to take care of Arendelle.
(He sees the desperation in her eyes)
Hans: On my honor.
(She throws on the cloak and hops right onto the horse, coronation dress and all)
Anna: (to the crowd) I leave Prince Hans in charge.
Hans: Are you sure you can trust her? I don't want you getting hurt.
Anna: She's my sister. She would never hurt me.
(She snaps the reins and rides out)
(The snow picks up and overtakes our view. We push through a blizzard... lose our way... then finds ourselves...)
(INT. PARTY, OSLO NATIONAL ART CENTER — NIGHT. Peter returns to her team, lost in thought)
Wendy: There you are. Where have you been?
Peter: What's a "rendezvous"?
Pound: It's like a date.
Peter: A date?
Wendy: Peter, what's going on?
Peter: What's going on is I got me a date tomorrow.
(Bupkus makes a crack)
Bupkus: I don't believe you.
Pound: Bupkus don't believe you.
Peter: Believe it. My new lady friend just said so. Hey, there she is.
(Peter points out Holley, who's within earshot outside)
Peter: Hey! Hey, you!
(Holley, caught in plain view, HOPS OFF)
Peter: See you tomorrow!
(Bupkus another makes a crack)
Bupkus: I don't believe you.
Pound: Bupkus still don't believe you.
(EXT. SHIPYARD — THE DOCKS — OSLO FJORDS NIGHT. An industrial dock, outside of the fjord proper)
(EXT. SHIPYARD — NIGHT. Rod Redline dangles from a fairy magnet. He's been beaten up, clings to consciousness)
Grem: (O.S.) I got to admit.
(Grem, Acer, and a bunch of nasty looking troublemakers look up at Rod amidst crates and shipping containers)
Grem: You tricked us real good.
Acer: And we don't like being tricked.
(Rod Redline laughs to himself)
ACER: What's so funny?
Rod Redline: Well, I was just wearing a disguise. You guys are stuck looking like that.
(This doesn't help him. They DROP HIM onto a TREADMILL, lock him down. A container is wheeled forward and Rod is piled with Incanta brand pixie dust)
Rod Redline: Incanta? Thanks, fellas. I hear this stuff is good for you.
Zündapp: (O.S.) So you think.
(The Professor emerges from the darkness, behind Rod)
Zündapp: Incanta by itself is good for you.
(Zündapp hits a button and the TREADMILL starts Rod's wings flittering at a high rate of speed)
Zündapp: But after microscopic examination I have found that it has one small weakness. When hit with an electromagnetic pulse, it becomes extremely dangerous.
Grem: Smile
(Grem pushes a World Grand Prix CAMERA - the one that was brought in the box sent from the pixie dust derricks. he points it at Rod Redline)
Grem: for the smile.
Rod Redline: Is that all you want I got a whole act.
Zündapp: You were very interested in this camera on the dust platform. Now, you will witness that it really does.
Rod Redline: Whatever you say, Professor.
(Acer pushes a TV MONITOR toward Rod. On it, surveillance footage from the Oslo party and the Arendelle coronation. Clearly, they were watching and recording him there)
Acer: You talked up a lot of fairies last night. Which one's your associate?
Rod Redline: Your mother. Oh, no, I'm sorry, it was your sister. I can't tell them apart these days.
Grem: (had enough) Could I start it now, Professor Z?
ZÜNDAPP: Go 50% power. (to Rod Redline) This camera is actually an electromagnetic pulse emitter.
Acer: (re: a girl on the TV) What about her? Did you give it to her?
Zündapp: The Incanta is now heating to a boil, dramatically expanding, causing the pixie block to crack under the stress, forcing dust into the combustion chamber.
Acer: (re: a boy on the TV) How about him? Did you talk to him?
(Rod Redline's pixie starts to CRACK and BREAK)
Rod Redline: (to Zündapp) What do I care? I can replace a pixie block.
Zündapp: You may be able to, but after full impact of the pulse, unfortunately, there will be nothing to replace.
ACER: How about him? Does he have it?
(The monitor reveals PETER PAN, rolling out of the bathroom and down the hall)
(Rod Redline, seeing this, does the world's most subtle double take. We caught it, but there's no way anyone else in the room could have ---)
Zündapp: That's him. He's the one.
Grem: Roger that, Professor Z.
Rod Redline: No!
(As Grem turns up the machine even MORE, the Professor makes a call)
Zündapp: (into phone) Yes, sir. We believe the infiltrator has passed along sensitive information. (beat, listening) I will take care of it before any damage can be done.
(The Professor hangs up, turns to the room)
Zündapp: The project is still on schedule. You will find the second agent and kill him.
(Zündapp kicks the camera's power into the RED)
(On the MONITOR — With Peter's frozen image on the screen we see Rod EXPLODE in the reflection)
(EXT. HIGH UP IN THE MOUNTAINS — NIGHT. Well above the snow-line, a small figure climbs the highest peak. It's Elsa. Finally, she stops, looks around. Catches her breath and sings...)
("Let it Go")
Elsa: *The snow glows white
*On the mountain tonight,
*Not a footprint to be seen.
*A kingdom of isolation
*And it looks like I'm the Queen.
*The wind is howling
*Like this swirling storm inside.
*Couldn't keep it in,
*Heaven knows I tried.
*Don't let them in,
*Don't let them see,
*Be the good girl you always have to be.
*Conceal,
*Don't feel,
*Don't let them know.
*Well, now they know.
(Elsa takes off her gloves and throws it into the air)
Elsa: *Let it go. Let it go.
*Can't hold it back anymore.
(Elsa creates a snowman, just like the one she made with Anna when they were children)
Elsa: *Let it go. Let it go.
*Turn away and slam the door.
*I don't care what they're going to say.
*Let the storm rage on.
*The cold never bothered me anyway.
(Elsa lets her cape fly back into the wind)
Elsa: *It's funny how some distance
*Makes everything seem small.
*And the fears that once controlled me
*Can't get to me at all.
*It's time to see
*What I can do,
*To test the limits and break through.
*No right, no wrong,
*No rules for me. I'm free!
(Elsa creates ice steps and climbs them)
Elsa: *Let it go! Let it go!
*I am one with the wind and sky.
*Let it go! Let it go!
*You'll never see me cry.
*Here I stand and here I'll stay.
(Elsa slams her foot down and forms a giant snowflake)
Elsa: *Let the storm rage on…
(In a flurry of creative release, she raises the snowflake on ice beams, builds walls, archways, a glistening chandelier, and an intricate ceiling that leaves the sky visible)
Elsa: *My power flurries through the air
*Into the ground.
*My soul is spiraling in frozen
*Fractals all around.
*And one though crystallizes like
*An icy blast-
(Standing firmly in her mighty ice palace, Elsa removes her crown and throws it)
Elsa: *I'm never going back,
*(back to resolve) The past is in the past!
(She takes down her hair and creates a new dress made of ice)
Elsa: *Let it go! Let it go!
*And I'll rise like the break of dawn.
*Let it go! Let it go!
(The sun rises. Elsa struts onto out onto a balcony and into the light. She's free)
Elsa: *That perfect girl is gone.
*Here I stand in the light of day.
*Let the storm rage on!!
*The cold never bothered me anyway.*
(She turns and slams her ice door on us)
(EXT. GERMANY — DAY. Over television pre-roll of Germany:)
BRENT: Germany, land of the rising sun, where ancient tradition meets modern fantasy. Welcome to the inaugural running of the World Grand Prix.
(ON OUR ANNOUNCERS as they introduce themselves:)
Brent: I'm Brent Mustangburger with legends Lyria and David Hobbscap. There's never been a competition like this before.
(SHOTS as the tour fairies pixie up)
Brent: First, Incanta, making its debut today as the required pixie dust for all these great champions. Second, the course itself. And it's like nothing we've ever seen before. David, how exactly does this competition work?
David: (V.O.) Well, Brent, all three of these street courses are classic round-the-house racetracks.
(OUTLINES OF THREE PARKS are shown. They're labeled Germany, Ireland, and England, and are different in shape and size)
David: (V.O.) This means that the LMP and formula fairies should break out of the gate in spectacular fashion.
(SHOTS OF THE TOURISTS as they cruise to the world's fair, practicing)
David: (V.O.) Look for Fionnoula O'Callaghan, in particular, to lead early.
(SHOTS of Fionnoula, featured in an inset)
David: (V.O.) And with technical turns throughout,
(MORE SHOTS of the course, now highlighting the tech turns)
David: (V.O.) GT and touring fairies, like Spain's Miguel Camino, should make up ground but I doubt it'll be enough to stop Fionnoula from absolutely running away with it.
Lyria: Whoa now. Just hold your horsepower. You forget the most important factor - that early ballroom section of the course. The ball is supposed to be the equalizer in this race.
(GRAPHICS OF THE COURSE now isolate a stretch after the first couple turns, label it "BALLROOM SECTIONS.")
BRENT: French rally guy Raoul ÇaRoule is counting on a big boost through there.
LYRIA: And don't forget Wendy Darling. Her mentor, the Royal Airness, was one of the greatest basketball players of all time. In my opinion, Wendy is the best all-around skater in this competition.
(BACK IN THE STUDIO)
David: Really, Lyria, you need to clean your windshield. You're clearly not seeing this for what it is: Fionnoula's show to lose.
(INT. LOBBY, WORLD GLOBAL PAVILION INC., NORWAY — DAY (TIMELINE: 08:14). Bright and early the next day, Kermit walks into the big world's fair)
BRENT: It's time to find out. The tourists are into their grid.
WGP Announcer: (V.O.) Ladies and gentlemen, please do not leave personal items unattended. Unattended items will be confiscated. Report any suspicious activity to the soldiers. Last call for Irish wagon, departing in outlet two. Irish wagon, last call. Lumiere train to Paris now boarding in outlet twelve. All aboard the Lumiere Train, outlet twelve.
(For one thing, all countries and cities occur in WGP at the same time. There's Tokyo, Japan, where blossoms always bloom. And Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, where it's warm and sunny every day. In Paris, France, love blooms "Ooh, la la!". Tourists take every WGP train and travel to any city and country everywhere they liked (Rome, Italy; Mexico City, Mexico; Moscow, Russia; Sydney, Australia; Shanghai, China; Delhi, India; Amsterdam, the Netherlands; Bern, Switzerland; Cairo, Egypt; and Honolulu, Hawaii), but the Never Land fairies and the Muppets knew we were going for our world tour: Berlin, Germany; Madrid, Spain; Dublin, Ireland; and London, England)
(INT. GATE, WORLD GLOBAL PAVILION INC. — DAY. All the Muppets (Animal, Rowlf, Walter, Thog, Lew Zealand, Janice, Fozzie, the Swedish Chef, Gonzo, Dr. Teeth, Scooter, Zoot, Beaker, Floyd, Bunsen, Wayne, Sweetums, Lips) gathered at the train station in the gate)
KERMIT: Is everybody here? Yeah?
(Kermit stood in front of a beautiful, brand-new train)
Kermit+: Okay, guys, guys. Gather round and listen up. If we're going to go on a world tour, I thought we should travel in classic style. So… I've booked us a tour train!
(Everyone was really excited. Kermit turned around and shook his head)
Kermit+: No, guys, not that train. This train.
(He pointed behind the brand-new train, where a dingy steam train stood. The dining car had no roof, and when the whistle blew, the smokestack fell off!)
Kermit+: Isn't she a beauty?
(But the others didn't agree)
(BEAUREGARD the janitor leaned out of the engine car)
Beauregard+: All aboard, guys!
Scooter+: Beauregard's licensed to drive a train?
Beauregard+: It's like a big car, but with no steering wheel, so it's easier.
Kermit: Get them up and move them out.
(Dominic boards the train)
Kermit: All aboard, Dominic.
(That didn't really comfort him. Or Scooter. Or Statler and Waldorf)
Statler: I didn't know there was still third class.
Waldorf: Third class? How about no class?
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
(Just then, Piggy arrived, carrying her little dog, FOO FOO. Behind her, a porter pushed a huge cart of luggage)
Miss Piggy: Oh! Watch the heels!
Kermit: Piggy, why do you need so much luggage?
Miss Piggy: For our honeymoon, of course!
Kermit: For our what?
(As she passed, Kermit raised a finger to object, but Foo Foo growled fiercely at him. Kermit decided to keep his mouth shut for the moment)
(Fozzie peaked out the train window)
FOZZIE+: Hey, guys! The dining car has an observation deck.
(He checked the roof)
Fozzie+: Oh, wait, the dining car doesn't have a roof.
(Beauregard leaned out of the engine car)
BEAUREGARD: Let's go, guys!
(The train started moving backwards)
Beauregard: Oh! Oh. That must be reverse. Oh, well. This way looks good, too.
(Before long, the train departed and the Muppets were en route)
(EXT. ARCTIC/ICE AGE, WORLD GLOBAL PAVILION INC.. Various shots of the Arctic/Tundra/Ice Age landscapes)
KERMIT: Okay, Dominic, I thought we could start our world tour in London.
DOMINIC: Or how about the world capital of comedy? Berlin, Germany.
(MUPPETS CHEERING)
ANIMAL: Germany!
(First up on their world tour: Berlin)
(INT. HAUPTBAHNHOF STATION, BERLIN, GERMANY — DAY (TIMELINE: 10:12). After several travel days, they disembarked from the train. The wall in the train falls out, showing Link, Mildred Huxtetter, Sweetums, and Walter)
Walter: Uh… Was that supposed to happen?
(On another tour train en route to Berlin station, on the observation deck seats, Wendy was in the back of the group. She CLOSES her eyes)
WENDY: Faith, trust, and pixie dust.
(A LAUGH O.S. Wendy opens her eyes. Fionnoula is next to her)
Fionnoula: Really? You are faith? Then Fionnoula is triple faith. (closes her eyes) Fionnoula is triple faith. Ho-ho! Fionnoula likes this Wendy. It's really getting her into the zone.
Wendy: She is so getting beat today.
(We TRACK PAST as the various crew chief on their crash carts bark orders to their tourists. We end on Never Squad. No Crew Chief, just a solid looking team)
Bang: Your suspension sets look good.
Pound: Moron Mountain pressure is excellent!
Blanko: She's got plenty of pixie dust.
Peter: And she's awesome.
(SHOTS of Berlin)
KERMIT: Oh, you guys are gonna love this place.
(EXT. BERLIN — DAY. The group (Piggy, Dr. Teeth, Gonzo, Walter, Fozzie, Waldorf, Statler, Janice, Rowlf, Floyd, Scooter, the Swedish Chef) followed Kermit to a tiny club. It was called the Hole in the Wall Cabaret)
Kermit: Okay, here we are, guys. The Hole in the Wall Club!
(The marquee read DIE MUPPETS, AS SEEN ON TV!)
Rowlf: "Die Muppets"?
Statler: Looks like they put the reviews up early.
Waldorf: Yeah, or is that the suggestion box?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Scooter: It's actually pronounced "The Muppets" in German.
(INT. THEATER IN RUINS — DAY. Everyone looked doubtful as they headed inside. There, they found a theater in semi-ruins)
MISS PIGGY: "Hole in the Wall Club"? More like "Hole in the Ground Club."
(Kermit tried to rally the others (Fozzie, Dr. Teeth, Walter, Janice, Waldorf, Piggy, Floyd, Statler, Gonzo, Rowlf, the Swedish Chef, Scooter))
Kermit: Okay, everybody. So, we'll start at the bottom and work our way up. I've booked us into cabaret bars and coffee houses all across the industrial cities of Northern Germany. Dusseldorf, Hamburg, Mudburg, Vomitdorf.
Fozzie: Poopenburgen?
Kermit: Fozzie, we have a solid week booked in Poopenburgen.
Miss Piggy+: Kermit, we are professional performers. "Actors, musicians, and… Others.
Kermit+: Gee, guys, nobody ever said this would be easy. We have to start small.
Fozzie+: Then go huge?
Kermit+: Well, then go slightly less small. And then a touch less small until we're small-to-medium-small.
(The others looked dejected and disappointed. Right then, Dominic stepped forward)
DOMINIC: This looks great. And I think we should commend Kermit on his efforts.
(He clapped and got the others to clap, too)
KERMIT: Thank you, Dominic. Thanks.
Dominic: Or, if I might be so bold…
Kermit: Uh-huh?
Dominic: …maybe we could consider another venue.
Kermit: Another venue?
Dominic: Follow me, Muppets.
(EXT. BERLIN — DAY. Dominic led the others (Gonzo, Fozzie, Rowlf, Piggy, Dr. Teeth, Floyd, Kermit, Animal, Janice, Walter, the Swedish Chef, Scooter) outside)
Dominic: To be precise, this other venue.
(He gestured to the grand building before them: the Berlin National Theater)
MUPPETS: Whoa!
Fozzie: Look at that theater!
Kermit: What? No, no. We don't have the money to rent the Berlin National Theater!
(Dominic waved him off)
Dominic: We'll make our money back when we sell it out.
Miss Piggy: Kermie, I've always dreamed of playing the Berlin National Theater. "Ich bin ein Berliner."
Floyd: More like, "Ein frankfurter"!
(MUPPETS CHUCKLING)
Miss Piggy: Watch it, buster.
Kermit: Guys, I'm not sure we can do this, you know?
DOMINIC: Okay, let's put this to the vote. All those in favor of believing in ourselves, raise your hands.
(Most of the Muppets raised their hands)
Muppets: (INDISTINCT TALKING)
Gonzo: Me, me, me.
Kermit: That's not what I'm saying.
Dominic: And all those in favor of just giving up.
Kermit: (SIGHING) I can't believe I'm voting for giving up.
(But he knew it was hopeless)
(Dominic beamed)
Dominic: Good. Well, I'm glad we made this decision.
(The Muppets were thrilled)
Miss Piggy: Oh, wonderful!
Gonzo: So cool!
WALTER: Isn't that exciting. I can't believe it!
(As the Muppets all headed inside, Dominic stole a quick glance at the building next door: the German National Treasure Museum. He absently rubbed a lemur charm on his bracelet as a wicked smirk crossed his face. So far, all was going according to plan…)
(It typed: NATIONAL TREASURE MUSEUM, BERLIN, GERMANY. TIMELINE: 11:14)
(INT. BACKSTAGE, BERLIN NATIONAL THEATER — DAY. Kermit presented the set list to the other Muppets (Rowlf, Gonzo, Janice, Animal, Pepé, Foo Foo, Piggy, Zoot, Fozzie, Floyd, Sweetums, Walter, Lew Zealand, Rizzo, Dr. Teeth, Bunsen, Beaker))
Kermit: All right, gather round, troops. Everybody?
Muppets: (TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Kermit: Okay, guys. Since we're playing such a big theater, let's stick with what we know. We'll open with a cabaret number. Then we'll warm up with some comedy from Fozzie, then the guest star, followed by Piggy's number, and then the finale.
(Gonzo raised his hand)
Gonzo: Kermit, when do I do the indoor running of the bulls?
(He pointed to some large crates, from which a lot of angry grunts could be heard)
(As Gonzo turned away, clearly disappointed, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew jumped into the fray)
Bunsen: Mr. Kermit, sir? I would very much like to demonstrate my magnetic bomb-attractor vest.
Beaker: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(Kermit swiveled around)
Kermit: Bunsen, why would you even invent one of those?
Bunsen: Why did I invent the automatic drowning helmet? The extra sharp chair? Or the unexpectedly exploding cupcake?
(Beaker, in the bomb-attractor vest, holds the cupcake, which explodes. And so does Beaker)
Bunsen+: Because it's there, Kermit. Because it's there.
(Gonzo raised his hand again)
Gonzo: Hey, what about Muppet Ladder?
Kermit: Muppet Ladder? That's never, ever worked, Gonzo. Last time we all tried that was 20 years ago and you ended up in a cast for six months.
Gonzo: Yeah, good times.
(Piggy ran up)
Miss Piggy: Kermit, what if I do Celine Dion's four or five musical numbers? You know Celine Dion, she works in Las Vegas.
Kermit: No, Piggy, there's no time for that.
Floyd: Hey, Kermit! What about the band's marathon jam session?
Animal: Drum solo! Drum solo!
Kermit: No drum solo!
(But the Muppets began shouting over one another, asking for their acts to be included)
Kermit: Guys, guys, guys! We can't just do whatever we want. This is our opening night. Let's play to our strengths, because… (SIGHS) Well… Look, I didn't want to worry you guys but if we don't sell this theater out, it would mean the end of the tour.
(The Muppets gasped)
GONZO: What?
Kermit: And maybe the end of us.
(Dominic walked in with box office receipts in his hand)
Dominic: Great news, Muppets. We're sold out.
(Everyone cheered. Everyone except Kermit, who looked at Dominic in disbelief)
Kermit: Fine. I mean, great, great. Well done, Dominic.
(Gonzo walks forward one last time)
Gonzo: Hey, I have an amazing idea for an act. It's called "The Indoor Running of the Bulls."
Kermit: Gonzo, I've told you, that act is far too dangerous.
Gonzo: Actually, Kermit, I was asking Dominic what he thinks.
Kermit: Good grief.
MISS PIGGY: Dominic, Dominic! Five songs.
(While the Muppets were asking Dominic for their acts to be included, Kermit was starting to feel like he was the odd one out)
(INT. DRESSING ROOM, BACKSTAGE — DAY. He was alone)
Kermit: "Sold out." Like we've sold out a show in 30 years.
(Piggy barged into Kermit's dressing room, holding Foo Foo in one arm and her wedding folder in the other)
Miss Piggy: Ahem. Is this a good time to discuss our upcoming European wedding?
(Kermit shook his head)
Kermit: No, actually, I'm kind of busy right now.
Miss Piggy: Perfect! I have 23 swatches for the seat covers for the reception, eight font choices for the menu, which, by the way, we are not serving files.
Kermit: Piggy, what are you talking about?
Miss Piggy: I'm just trying to involve you in some of the decision-making, dear.
Kermit: What about being involved in the decision to get married in the first place, huh?
(Piggy put her hands on her hips)
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermit, you never let me do what I want!
Kermit: Oh, yeah? Well, what about what I want, huh? What about that? Well, that's because you always want too much, Piggy. I haven't even proposed yet.
Miss Piggy: You can do that on our honeymoon.
Kermit: What? (STAMMERING) That's insane! Do you hear what you're saying, Piggy? That's crazy!
Miss Piggy: Insane! How dare you call your fiancée insane?
Kermit: You are not my fiancée! We are not engaged! We never got engaged. How can we get married if I've never even asked you to marry me? And, as a matter of fact, the way this particular conversation is going right now… Well… I'm fine with that!
(Piggy was furious. She stormed toward the door, Foo Foo barking angrily at Kermit the whole time. Piggy whirled around dramatically, her chin trembling)
Miss Piggy: (heartbroken) You never loved me, Kermit!
Kermit: I do love you, Piggy. But sometimes you drive me crazy!
(Piggy marched off in a huff, slamming the door)
Foo Foo: (GROWLING)
(She walked right past Dominic, who was lurking in the shadows)
(Back inside his dressing room, Kermit called after Piggy)
KERMIT: Piggy, wait! I'm sorry!
Foo Foo: (BARKING)
Dominic: Get out!
(But she didn't hear him)
(INT. STAGE, BERLIN NATIONAL THEATER — DAY. Kermit moped in his dressing room for a while, and then moped on the empty stage. He wasn't only bothered by the Piggy situation. He also felt somewhat abandoned by the other Muppets)
(Dominic sat down next to him)
Dominic: Don't take it personally, Kermit. They still love you. They just prefer me now.
Kermit: Uh, thank you, Dominic. That's very comforting.
(Dominic tried to lighten the mood)
Dominic: Do you know what I think helps sometimes in situations like this?
Kermit: What?
Dominic: I find a walk alone in the fog in former East Berlin. Maybe along a deserted canal, tends to calm the mind.
(He handed Kermit a map with a circle around the words DESERTED CANAL)
(Kermit turned to him)
Kermit: Well, I guess a quiet stroll is not a bad idea. Let the others know I've gone, will you?
Dominic: Sure. I promise. I promise I'll do that.
Kermit: Thanks. (CLEARS THROAT) Ah.
(EXT. CANAL, BERLIN — FOGGY DAY. Kermit left the theater and was soon walking along a foggy canal)
Kermit: (to the hens) (GREETS IN GERMAN)
(He didn't notice the WANTED posters of Constantine plastered around)
WOMAN: Corrine, come here!
(As the thickness of the fog increased, Kermit discovered he was all alone…until Constantine appeared right in front of him!)
Constantine: Boo.
(KERMIT SCREAMS)
(Constantine quickly applied a fake mole onto Kermit's upper lip, then he disappeared into the fog)
Kermit: What just happened?
(Just then, a GERMAN WOMAN washing clothes noticed Kermit. She looked at him, then at the Constantine posters)
Berliner at Window: (SPEAKING GERMAN) (subtitles appear: It's him, he's here. The evil frog. The Evil Frog!!)
Kermit: (IN ENGLISH) What?
(That caused a group of Germans to gather, all pointing to Kermit, thinking he was Constantine)
Germans: (subtitles appear: That's him. That's Constantine!)
(A German police van pulled up, sirens blaring)
Kermit: Wait a second.
(Officers ran to Kermit and grabbed him)
Kermit: Hold on, hold on! There must be some mistake! Don't you know me? I'm Kermit the Frog!
German Cop: Silence, Constantine. The game is up.
Kermit: Who?
(He turned and saw and noticed the WANTED posters)
Kermit: (GASPS AND SCREAMS) No, no! Wait a minute! I'm Kermit the Frog! Guys, this is a mistake! I'm telling you! (SCREAMS)
(Before he could protest, Kermit was thrown into the back of the van)
Kermit: Hey, hey! Hello! Somebody!
(The van's destination sign quickly changed from DISNEYLAND PARIS to SIBERIAN GULAG)
Kermit: Open up! I'm an Amphibian-American!
(As the van drove away, Constantine watched from the shadows. He expertly applied some green makeup to his face to cover up his own hole)
(He smiled evilly)
Constantine: It's not easy being mean. (SNICKERING)
(EXT. GERMAN ALPINE LEDERHOSEN FACTORY — SUNNY WINTER DAY. They were expecting a very special arrival in the Alpine Lederhosen Factory!)
FAIRY MARY: Look sharp, everyone! The snowy owls will soon be arriving to take the snowflake baskets to the Winter Woods.
(She looked around and noticed that LUCINDA were not focused on her job)
Fairy Mary: Lucinda, stop noodling and start tinkering.
(Then she walk off to check on the basket production. Nearby, CHEESE the mouse was struggling with the cart. It was filled with bundles of reeds, and it was a bit too heavy for him to pull. Suddenly, a lasso appeared out of nowhere and picked up a bundle of lunch from the cart, making the load lighter. Cheese looked left and saw Tinker Bell (dressed in her German style (two braided pigtails, Oktoberfest strapless dress with a mini skirt, lederhosen hat)) was holding on to a pole attached to a rope. Leave it to Tinker Bell to create an invention like a pole with a swinging lasso to help a friend in need!)
Tinker Bell: Is that the last load?
(Cheese replied with a happy bark to say "Yes!")
Tinker Bell: Thanks, Cheese!
(Tinker Bell waved and walks off to help his friends, CLANK and BOBBLE)
Clank: Basket weaving is my favorite thing, Bobble.
Bobble: Really? I'm partial to macramé.
(Tinker Bell reached the basket depot. The tinker buddies were busy weaving long reeds into sturdy baskets. She placed the new bundle on a pile in front of them)
Tinker Bell: Guten Tag, Clank. Guten Tag, Bobble.
Clank & Bobble (BOTH): Good afternoon!
Tinker Bell: That should be enough to finish the snowflake baskets.
(Bobble looked up. His thick dewdrop goggles made his eyes seem enormous)
Bobble: Aye, that will do her.
Clank: Thanks.
(He smiled at Tinker Bell and didn't watch what he was doing. He accidentally wove the reeds right over Bobble's hands!)
Bobble: (GASPS) (WHISPERS) Clanky.
Clank: Oh! Sorry. (CHUCKLES)
(Tinker Bell looked around at the towering piles of baskets that were ready to be collected by the snowy owls)
Tinker Bell: (SIGHS) I can't believe we make the baskets but don't get to take them to the Winter Fairies. I mean, wouldn't you want to go into the Winter Woods?
(Clank and Bobble both stopped their work and stared at Tinker Bell in disbelief)
Bobble: Oh, we wouldn't last a day in the cold.
(Clank nodded in agreement)
Clank: Besides, I'm afraid of glaciers.
(Bobble raised an eyebrow, and Tink looked at both of them in confusion)
Tinker Bell: Glaciers?
Clank: They're known for their stealth.
(Bobble turned to Tink)
Bobble: He's never actually seen one.
Clank: You never do!
(Suddenly, a loud horn sounded)
FAIRY MARY: The snowy owls!
(All the villagers looked up to see a flock of SNOWY OWLS rapidly approaching)
Fairy Mary: Places, everyone! Clank, Bobble, get that basket up.
Clank: Right! Got it, Fairy Mary!
Fairy Mary: Start the pulley!
(Instantly, the villagers began operating a large pulley that hauled the freshly woven baskets up to a delivery tower)
(One by one, each of the snowy owls dove down and snatched a basket in its talons. Then, together, the flock soared back into the sky. Tinker Bell watched, her eyes wide with excitement. The large white birds were so graceful and strong!)
(A young owl approached the basket pickup. He swooped down to grab one of the baskets. But it was a little too heavy for him. He wobbled as he lifted back into the air)
Fairy Mary: Ooh! Newcomer!
(After struggling for a moment, the young owl gained speed and flew to join his brothers. Before the flock left, one of the owls dropped a note made of ice down to Fairy Mary. It floated softly on a frozen parachute. The second it touched her hands, the ice began to melt. So she had to read it quickly)
Fairy Mary: The final shipment order! Oh, goodness! They need 20 more baskets for tomorrow's pickup.
(But Tinker Bell was only half listening. She couldn't help watching as the owls head for the horizon. They were flying back to the cold mountain of the mysterious Winter Woods, nestled in the Norwegian fjords)
Tinker Bell: There's a whole other world over there.
Fairy Mary: Well done, everyone! The first shipment is headed for Winter. But there's much more to do for tomorrow's pickup, so this is no time to rest on your laurels. Lucinda, get off your laurel and get to work.
(Tink couldn't explain it, he felt drawn to the Winter Woods. It was as if there were a secret buried there, deep in the snow, just waiting to be discovered)
FAWN: Look out!
(Tinker Bell, Bobble, and Clank turned at the same time. FAWN, an animal fairy, was chasing a BUNNY as it scampered through the workshop)
Fawn: Runaway bunny!
(The bunny bounded through the workshop, scatting reeds and supplies everywhere. Baskets went flying through the air!)
Fawn: No!
(In the flash, Tinker Bell zipped over and used his special lasso to grab hold of the renegade bunny)
Tinker Bell: Got you!
(The bunny wriggled its nose. It was not happy to have been caught)
Fawn: Thanks, Tink.
Tinker Bell: No problem, Fawn.
(Fawn reached over and tried to calm the bunny down)
Fawn: Come on, little guy. It's still a long way to the Winter Woods.
Tinker Bell: Oh, you're taking the mammals today?
Fawn: Trying to. It's time for them to cross the border, but this little guy is a handful.
(Tink was excited. This was her chance to see the Winter Woods up close)
Tinker Bell: Hey, uh, how about if I help?
(The same view of Peter Pan but now THROUGH A TELESCOPIC DISPLAY. Reveal Finn and Holley watching from high above in a downtown office building, behind reflective glass)
Holley: Why is he in the pits? He's so exposed.
Finn: It's his cover. One of the best I've seen, too. Look at the detail on that rust. It must have cost him a fortune.
Holley: But why hasn't he contacted us yet?
Finn: There's probably heat on him. Be patient.
Holley: Right, of course. He'll signal us when he can.
Finn: Then we find out who's behind all this.
(ON THE TOUR — SUNNY WINTER DAY. VARIOUS SHOTS OF THE TOUR through Germany as Fionnoula extends her lead and Wendy attempts to make up ground)
BRENT: As they head into the palace hairpin, Fionnoula builds an early lead.
LYRIA: Hang on, guys. Here comes the ballroom. Slipping and sliding.
(IN THE GERMANY FUN WINTERLAND, BERLIN — SUNNY WINTER DAY. Peter watches the monitors, sees them approaching the ballroom section)
PETER: Wendy, it's time to make your move! Get on the outside and show 'em what Air Jordan taught you.
Wendy: (over radio) 10-4, Peter.
(ON THE TOUR — SUNNY WINTER DAY. Fionnoula hits the ball section and loses all control. She SLIPS to a halt, her toes getting no traction)
DAVID: Oh, boy, Fionnoula's brought to a screeching halt!
(WENDY appears in view, passes her; followed by other fairies ---)
BRENT: Wendy Darling is the first to take advantage. And just like that, folks, Fionnoula's lead is left in the court.
WENDY: Nice call, Peter. Keep it up.
(Wendy now leads the pack, flying out of the court now starting to relax)
LYRIA: Whoo-hoo! Wendy looks happier than a roll bar at a demolition derby!
(ON PAVED ROAD AGAIN — MOMENTS LATER. The field of fairies flights into a tunnel)
BRENT: Everyone's jostling for position as we hit the asphalt again.
(Fionnoula crests the hill, in last place. She bites down, determined, then CHASES)
Brent: (V.O.) Fionnoula lost a lot of momentum in the ball.
DAVID: She's got serious work ahead of her if she wants to get back in this race.
BRENT: The tourists hit King Ludwig's castle, with its 360-degree loop.
(VARIOUS SHOTS OF GERMANY as the tourists move through the Neuschwanstein Castle. Bit by bit, Fionnoula ekes his way toward the front, toward Wendy as we CUT TO ---)
(--- A ROOFTOP, and a VIEW THROUGH THE WGP CAMERA LENS. Grem and Acer are manning this one. They focus it on the tourists as they approach)
ZÜNDAPP: It is time.
Grem: Roger that.
(ON THE TOUR. A tourist (Miguel Camino) suddenly PLUMES WITH SMOKE and skids out)
LYRIA: Oh! Miguel Camino has blown a pixie!
BRENT: Very unusual, Lyria. He's been so consistent all year.
(Camino quickly rests, passing to where Peter is visible)
(ON GREM AND ACER, watching from above)
Grem: You gotta be kidding me.
Acer: What is it?
Grem: The boy from the bathroom.
Acer: The one in Oslo?
Grem: Yeah, the one the American agent passed the device to.
Acer: What about him?
Grem: What about him? He's in the pits!
Acer: Not for long.
(Acer exits, with purpose)
(ON FINN AND HOLLEY, still in their office hideaway. Holley's onboard computer flashes an ALERT)
Holley: Hold on. I think I've got something.
Finn: What is it?
Holley: The Pacer from the party last night.
(She's spotted Acer, moving swiftly forward)
Holley: I'm cross-referencing with the photos from the oil derricks. Yep. His VIN numbers match.
FINN: Anyone with him? He won't be alone.
Holley: Conducting analysis on the target. He's not the only one here.
(The computer finds more and more bad guy Pacers and Gremlins are in the crowd)
Holley: Three, five... They're everywhere. And they're all closing in on...
(We PAN OVER to see it's PETER PAN)
Holley: Oh, no! Finn? Finn, where are you?
(She turns. He's GONE, leaving only an open window)
FINN: Get him out of the pits. Now!
(IN ALPINE LEDERHOSEN FACTORY. A fairy WHIPS BY O.S.)
Peter: Wow! Some of them fellers is really loud!
HOLLEY: Can you hear me? Over.
Peter: Uh, what?
Holley: (over Peter's radio) Get out of the pit now! Do you hear me?
(Peter realizes this girl has somehow broken into his radio)
Peter: (over radio) Hey. I know you! You're that girl from the party last night. You wanna do our date now?
(ON THE TOUR — SUNNY WINTER DAY. Wendy boxes out Fionnoula)
Wendy: Guys, too much chatter. Let's keep this line clear.
(BOOM! A tourist (Rip Clutchgoneski) behind Wendy suddenly expels black smoke, skids out of control)
BRENT: Smoke from number ten, Clutchgoneski!
(ON GREM — laughing. That was clearly his handiwork)
(IN ALPINE LEDERHOSEN FACTORY — SAME)
HOLLEY: There's no time for messing about! Get out of the pits!
Peter: (on Holley's radio) Is there going to be cable where you is so I can watch the rest of the race?
HOLLEY: You're running out of time!
Finn: (over radio) They're coming.
Holley: (into radio) Yes, I know.
Finn: Get him out of there!
Holley: (to Finn) I'm trying. (to Peter) Get out now.
(We CUT BACK TO ---)
(--- PETER. He gives in, exits the factory)
Peter: I usually like to have a proper detailing done before I meet a lady friend.
(He moves toward the back FACTORY DOOR, is about to open it)
(OUTSIDE THE FACTORY — ACER and another thug approach the factory door on the other side. Ready to pounce. The door OPEN, REVEALING ---)
(--- Finn, holding a fire extinguisher)
Acer: Finn McMissile! But you're dead!
Finn: Then this shouldn't hurt at all.
(He empties the extinguisher in their eyes, speeds past. They try and follow, but have been blinded. One of them crashes right into a COP)
(ON FINN — Already on the move, along a side street)
Finn: Miss Shiftwell?
(ON HOLLEY — Tracking everything on a grid map. Peter looks like Pac Man, weaving through the streets as bad guys close in all around him)
Holley: I've got her in the back alleys east of the garages. Multiple assailants are closing in quickly.
Finn: (over radio) Keep him moving. I'm on my way.
(EXT. THE AUTUMN FOREST — DAY. A short while later, Tinker Bell and Fawn were racing through the Berlin street with the mammals. Fawn was guiding several weasels, a few bunnies, and a marmot. Tink was trying to steer the youngest bunny by using her lasso as a leash. But the rabbit was so fast that he kept moving along behind it instead)
Tinker Bell: Slow down! Slow down!
(Fawn looked over her shoulder and grinned)
Fawn: Need some help?
Tinker Bell: Nope. Doing fine.
FAWN: That lost thing really is handy.
Tinker Bell: Yeah. Heel, Hoppy, heel! Slow down!
(EXT. BOUNDARY, GERMANY — DAY. Finally, they reached the border between Germany and the Winter Woods. Tinker Bell was just settling her bunny down when she looked up and saw the border for the first time. She gasped. It was amazing! A wide chasm separated the two seasons, and a thin curtain of soft, shimmering snow fell down from the center, marking the divide. Down at the bottom of the trench, a rushing stream babbled on the summer side. But once it reached the winter side, the water froze solid. A long bridge connected the two season. Half of it was a log, and the other half was ice)
Tinker Bell: Wow.
(The bunny beside her trembled nervously)
Fawn: Oh, don't scared, little fellow. We'll let the weasels go first.
(Fawn guided the weasels to the bridge)
Tinker Bell: Come on. Come on. (STRAINING) Come on!
(Tinker Bell watched curiously)
Tinker Bell: So, how far do we take the mammals in?
Fawn: Uh, Tink, we don't cross the border.
Tinker Bell: Huh?
Fawn: We just help the mammals cross.
(Tinker Bell raised her eyebrows in disbelief)
Tinker Bell: But I thought Mammal Fairies got to cross with the mammals.
(Fawn shook her head)
Fawn: Tink, it's freezing over there. Besides, no Warm Fairies are allowed in the Winter Woods. Just like Winter Fairies aren't allowed over here.
(Tinker Bell looked at the beautiful falling snow)
Tinker Bell: Who made up that rule?
Fawn: I think it was the Lord of Winter.
Tinker Bell: Winter has a lord?
(ON PETER — She turns a corner, sees a flower shop)
Peter: Hey, new lady friend, you like flowers?
(ON THE TOUR — Wendy, hearing this, is taken aback)
Wendy: What?
(ON PETER — Slowing at the flower shop)
HOLLEY: No! Don't go in anywhere. Just keep moving.
Peter: Stay outside. Got you.
(ON THE TOUR)
Wendy: Outside?
(Wendy drifts outside allowing Fionnoula to slip past!)
BRENT: Whoa! Wendy suddenly passes out on the outside.
Fionnoula: (SPEAKS GAELIC)
LYRIA: I cannot believe what I just saw, Brent. That was a bonehead move to open up the inside like that!
DAVID: That might have cost Wendy the victory!
(Fawn turned to the weasels)
Fawn: All right, guys. You ready?
(The weasels chattered their agreement. Then they skipped up the log. One at the time, they leapt over into winter. As they crossed the border, each of the weasels' coats magically turned from brown to white!)
Tinker Bell: Wow.
Fawn: Pretty great, huh?
Tinker Bell: It's incredible.
FAWN: They get their winter coats to protect them from the cold. (CHUCKLES) Your turn. Go on.
(Next, three baby bunnies crawled up to the bridge. They bounded over the border and their fur also quickly transformed from brown into brilliant white)
Fawn: Go on, now. Follow your brothers.
(The bunny's ears perked up. He didn't seem as afraid now that the other mammals had all crossed. He hopped to the edge of the bridge and stretched out his ears until they just reached across the border. The tips turned white! Then he spun around and wiggled his tail on the winter side. It turned white, too! Then the bunny finally hopped all the way into winter)
Tinker Bell: Bye-bye!
(Tink walked closer to the curtain of falling snow. What was it like over there? he wondered. Had any fairy ever tried to cross?)
Fawn: All right, big guy. (GASPS)
(It was the marmot's turn to go but he didn't answer. He was already starting to hibernate, right here in the Autumn Forest)
Fawn: Oh, no.
(She gets closer to the sleeping marmot)
Fawn: No hibernating yet. You do that in winter!
(The marmot yawns. Fawn nudged him toward the log bridge)
Fawn: Come on. Come on! Wake up. Wake up.
(Meanwhile, Tinker Bell was scanning the crisp, white snow that stretched far out on the other side of the border. It shimmered and sparkled in the winter sunlight. Tinker Bell couldn't help it. She just had to see what winter was like!)
(Remembering what the bunny had done, she reached her hand over the border. Then she quickly drew it back. Nothing!)
Tinker Bell: Oh…
(She glanced over her shoulder to see if Fawn was watching. But the sleepy marmot distracted her)
Fawn: Come on. Wake up. Rise and shine.
(Now was Tinker Bell's chance)
(Gaining confidence, Tink leaned over the border and stuck her mouth across)
Tinker Bell: Oooh.
(She felt the tingle of cold air. Her mouth was chilly. It didn't hurt at all)
(IN THE BACK ALLEYS — CABLES whip in front of them, pulling over flower vending machines and sending the shop's owners into a frenzy. They direct their attention to the thugs, who try and explain)
(ON FINN, admiring his handiwork as he appears. Just as he turns to leave he's BROADSIDED and pushed INTO A DARK ALLEY)
(IN THE ALLEY — Finn finds himself boxed by two Pacers and pushed toward ---)
(--- ACER, who now holds a FLAME THROWER)
Acer: This time, I'm going to make sure you stay dead!
(He hits the flame. WHOOOSSSH!!)
(IN THE BACK ALLEYS — Peter clicks along, still looking for Holley. Just as he passes the alley entrance where Finn stares down death:)
HOLLEY: You're doing brilliantly. Now just stay focused.
Peter: What's that? You want me to head toward that ruckus?
HOLLEY: No! Don't go down that street.
(IN THE ALLEY — Finn, now nearly pushed completely into the flame thrower, leaps into the air. He FIGHTS BACK, using his webbed feet, axle, indeed his entire fairy frame as if he were human, kicking and tossing and shooting his enemies)
(Peter witnesses the whole thing)
Peter: Wow! A live karate demonstration!
(ON THE TOUR — Wendy, now playing catch-up again, scowls)
Wendy: Stop it, Peter. Just sign off.
(IN THE BACK ALLEY — Finn polishes off the thugs by firing a bullet into a gas main line, causing an EXPLOSION that tosses Acer through the air where he lands in a NOODLE SHOP'S SIGN)
(ON THE TOUR — The end of the touring is nigh ---)
DAVID: And here they come, the two leaders. Bumper to bumper as they approach the finish line!
(The lucky fairy gets there first)
David: (V.O.) It's gonna be close.
BRENT: Fionnoula's the winner! Wendy's number two.
(FIREWORKS WHIZZ AND POP)
(ON TINKER BELL — With a deep breath, Tinker Bell jumped over the border!)
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Instantly, the frosty air surrounded her. Tink shivered. But the snow are magnificent! Tiny flakes swirled everywhere, glistening like pixie dust. Tink opened her mouth and let one land right on her tongue. It was deliciously cold)
Tinker Bell: Ooh!
(Suddenly, Tinker Bell felt a very strange sensation in her wings. She turned around and gasped. Her wings were growing and it began sparkling! It shimmered with a brilliant burst of colorful light she had never seen before. She could even see all their delicate patterns illuminated. What was causing them to shine so brightly?)
(As if from far away, Tink heard a baby's laugh. It was very soft. But the sound echoed in her ears)
Tinker Bell: Oh…
FAWN: Tink!
(Fawn's call was distant and faint)
(Tinker Bell's wings stopped sparkling)
Fawn: (O.S.) Tink! Tinker Bell!
Tinker Bell: What?
(Before Tink knew what was happening, a lasso sailed over her head and tightened around her waist)
Tinker Bell: Aaagh!
(EXT. BOUNDARY, GERMANY — DAY. She is yanked back past the border into Germany)
Fawn: Oh, Tink, I told you, we're not allowed to cross.
(She took the lasso off Tink and brushed her hand against her friend's wing)
Fawn: (GASPS) Your wings.
(Tinker Bell's eyes shone)
Tinker Bell: I know! They were sparkling.
Fawn: They're freezing! We'd better get you to the healing-talent fairy.
(Fawn dragged Tinker Bell away from the border)
Tinker Bell: But…
Fawn: Come on!
(Fawn knew that Tinker Bell's wings were in great danger. They had to get help–and fast!)
(Finn heaves breaths, surveys his damage)
Peter: That was cool! Can I get your autograph?
(Peter approaches when a MASS OF RACE FANS burst out a door, momentarily blocking Peter's view of Finn. Once the fans have past, Finn has disappeared)
Peter: Where'd he go?
HOLLEY: Our rendezvous has been jeopardized. Keep the device safe. We'll be in touch.
Peter: Jingles, did I miss our date?
(EXT. PRESS STAGE — LATER. Post tour press conference. Fionnoula is center stage)
Lyria: Fionnoula, over here. What was your strategy today?
Fionnoula: Strategia? Fionnoula needs no strategy. It's very simple. You start the race, wait for Wendy Darling to choke, pass her, then win. Fionnoula always wins. It's boring.
(Wendy, waiting in the wings, rolls her eyes. She suddenly notices something O.S.)
LYRIA: You were in trouble for a while. That ball section had you crawling.
(Wendy's P.O.V. – It's PETER, appearing from a side street, moving toward the fun winterland, oblivious of the press conference)
(As Wendy SNEAKS AWAY ---)
Fionnoula: To truly crush one's dream, you must first raise their hopes very high.
(INT. GERMANY FUN WINTERLAND — DAY. Peter looks around for everyone as Wendy approaches)
Wendy: Peter!
Peter: Hey, Wendy! What happened? Is the race over? You won, right?
Wendy: Why were you yelling at me while I was racing?
Peter: Yelling? Oh, you thought... That's funny right there. No, that's 'cause I seen these fellas doing some karate street performance. It was nutso. One of 'em even had a flamethrower.
Wendy: A flamethrower? What are you talking about? I don't understand. Where were you?
Peter: Going to meet my date.
Wendy: Your date?
Peter: She started talkin' to me as a voice in my head, tellin' me where to go.
Wendy: What?
Peter: Wait a minute. I didn't screw ya up, did I?
Wendy: I lost the race because of you!
Peter: Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
Wendy: An imaginary girlfriend? Flamethrowers? This is exactly why I don't bring you along to these things.
Peter: Maybe if I, I don't know, talk to somebody and explained what happened, I could help.
Wendy: I don't need your help! I don't want your help!
REPORTER: Hey, there she is!
(The press finds Wendy, swarms her. Peter is pushed backwards as the questions fly again)
Press: Wendy, you had it in the bag! Yeah! What happened?
Wendy: I made a mistake. But I can assure you, it won't happen again.
(On Peter. He takes this badly)
Wendy: Look, we know what the problem is and we've taken care of it.
(REPORTERS CALL OUT)
(OVER FOOTAGE OF FIONNOULA and various other highlights:)
BRENT: Wendy Angela Darling loses in the last act to Fionnoula O'Callaghan in the first race of the World Grand Prix. And three - count 'em - three fairies flamed out leaving some to suggest that their dust, Incanta, might be to blame.
(HIGHLIGHTS of Rip Clutchgoneski and Max Schnell, being flamed out)
(FOOTAGE OF MILES AXLEROD, speaking to an aggressive press. He must SHOUT over the press)
Miles Axlerod: Incanta is safe. Alternative dust is safe. There is no way my dust caused these fairies to flame out.
(IN THE TV STUDIO — Lyria, Brent Mustangburger and David Hobbscap talk to camera)
Lyria: The jury may still be out on whether Incanta caused these accidents, but one thing's for sure, Wendy Moira Angela Darling blew this race.
(Off a FROZEN IMAGE of Wendy, a look of severe consternation across her face ---)
BRENT: Team Wendy can't be happy right now.
(--- MATCH CUT TO ---)
(INT. URGENT CARE, GERMANY — DAY. There were many patients inside waiting to be seen by healing-talent fairies. But some were not so patient. Mellow music is playing. The rainbow fairy pushes the buzzer. BUZZ!)
Receptionist: May I help you?
Rainbow Fairy: How much longer?
Receptionist: I told you, a rainbow collision is not an emergency.
Rainbow Fairy: But the purple is starting to itch.
Receptionist: Take a seat.
(The rainbow Berliner left and another fairy is next. He is stuck in the snapdragon. He pushes a buzzer! BUZZ!)
Receptionist: Oh. Snapdragon, right?
Snapdragon Fairy: Mmm-hmm.
Receptionist: Not an emergency. Plant it over there.
(Just then, Silvermist, Iridessa, and Rosetta zoom in. They had heard the news about Tinker Bell and were very concerned about their friend)
IRIDESSA: Hurry, girls. What if we're too late?
(The receptionist saw them sailed right by his check-in desk)
Receptionist: (CLEARING THROAT)
(There was nothing that annoyed the receptionist more than the fairies not following proper procedure)
(The three friends stopped midflight. They hadn't even noticed the receptionist)
Iridessa: Oh. Sorry. Do you know…
Receptionist: Window.
(The three friends forget to check in and they pushed the buzzer. BUZZZZZZ!)
Receptionist: Uh, uh, uh, uh!
(The three friends stopped pushing the buzzer)
Receptionist: Patient's name?
Rosetta & Silvermist (Both): Tinker Bell.
Receptionist: Oh, yes. The border crosser. She's…
Iridessa: Frozen solid?
Receptionist: Room two.
ROSETTA: Oh, my.
SILVERMIST: Thank you.
Receptionist: Mmm-hmm.
(INT. HALLWAYS, URGENT CARE — DAY. The trio zipped up and down the hallways of the hospital, looking for the right room)
IRIDESSA: This way!
ROSETTA: Come on, girls. Hurry.
IRIDESSA: She's right over here. Room two.
Silvermist: There she is.
IRIDESSA: Tink!
(INT. EXAMINING ROOM, URGENT CARE — DAY. Tinker Bell was sitting on a table with a lamp shining down on her wings. The HEALING FAIRY was studying her wings closely while Fawn stood off to the side)
Rosetta: We got here as quick as we could.
Silvermist: We did have to stop at reception.
Iridessa: Did you really cross?
(Tinker Bell was touched that her friends had dropped everything to come see her. She couldn't wait to tell them how her wings had sparkled!)
(But she didn't get the chance to answer, because the healing fairy cut off their chatter)
Healing Fairy: (SHUSHES)
(The three friends nodded and grew quiet. Still, Iridessa couldn't stand not knowing what had happened. Iridessa leaned in close to Tinker Bell)
Iridessa: Well, did you?
Healing Fairy: Shh!
(He made the light brighter and moved his magnifying glass over Tinker Bell's wings)
(Just then, VIDIA sped into the room. She saw Tinker Bell's wings magnified against the glass)
Healing Fairy: Hmm…
Vidia: Whoa.
All: Shh!
Healing Fairy: Mmm-hmm.
(Finally, the healing Berliner took a step back)
Healing Fairy: Okay. You're all warmed up. Let's test your wings.
Tinker Bell: Oh. Sure.
(She sat up a little straighter)
Healing Fairy: Open. Close.
(Tinker Bell did as she was told)
Healing Fairy: And try a little flap.
(Tinker Bell quickly flapped her wings)
Healing Fairy: A flutter.
(She flapped her wings again)
Healing Fairy: Can you give me a flitter?
(Tinker Bell took a deep breath and flittered her wings. They felt perfectly normal)
Healing Fairy: Okay. Well, I don't see anything unusual. Your wings appear to be fine.
(Tinker Bell's friends sighed in relief)
(ALL SIGH IN RELIEF)
Tinker Bell: But what about the sparkling?
Healing Fairy: It must have been the light reflecting off the snow.
(Tinker Bell tried to protest but the healing fairy gave her a stern look)
Healing Fairy: You should have never crossed the border. Winter is too cold for our Warm Fairy wings. Now, to be safe, I want you to take two sunflower seeds and come back if there is any problem.
Silvermist: Thank you.
Healing Fairy: Mmm-hmm.
(EXT. GERMANY, JUST OUTSIDE THE URGENT CARE — DAY. Together, Tink's friends led her out of the hospital. They were all relieved that Tinker Bell was okay)
Silvermist: We were worried, Tink.
Fawn: Oh! You are so lucky nothing happened to your wings.
Rosetta: Can you imagine?
(Tinker Bell looked around at her friends)
Tinker Bell: But something did happen. They sparkled!
(Iridessa patted her on the shoulder)
Iridessa: But you heard her. It was just the light reflecting off the snow.
Tinker Bell: No, it wasn't. They actually lit up. It was brighter than a thousand fireflies. You saw it. Didn't you, Fawn?
(Fawn looked down at her feet)
Fawn: No.
(Tink's shoulders slumped)
Tinker Bell: You don't believe me?
Vidia: Who…Um…
Iridessa: Uh. No?
Tinker Bell: Look, you guys, it happened. It felt like… like…
Silvermist: Like what?
(Tinker Bell gazed off into the distance)
Tinker Bell: Like the Winter Woods was calling me. You know?
(Her friends all looked at one another anxiously. Now Tinker Bell was really acting crazy!)
Rosetta: (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Not really. (WHISPERING) Get the doctor.
(Tink sighed. It didn't matter what the healing fairy had said. She knew her wings had sparkled. She wished her friends believed her. And more than anything, she wanted to know what the sparkling had meant)
(INT. BOOK NOOK — DAY. Later that day, Tink went off to the library. She had a feeling that she might be able to find the answer to his question there)
(The library was a cozy little place in Berlin. As she entered, Tink passed by for fuzzy bookworms carrying stacks of books to reshelve)
(Soon she found himself flying down a long row of shelves crammed with dusty books. Under her breath, he read the titles aloud:)
TINKER BELL: Animal Fairy Books, 101 Uses for Pixie Dust... Beauty and the Bees... There's got to be a wing book here somewhere. Rules for Rainbow Riding. No, not that.
(Her finger trailed along the row of spines as she scanned each title, looking for the right one)
(Suddenly, a tattered-looking book caught her eye. She opened it and found that the pages had been chewed through)
Tinker Bell: Hey. Someone's been eating the books!
(Nearby, a chubby BOOKWORM looked up guiltily. A half-eaten page was sticking out of his mouth. He quickly gulped down the paper and inched away)
Tinker Bell: Bookworms.
(She kept searching)
Tinker Bell: Light reading. Dustology, windology…
(Finally, she struck gold)
Tinker Bell: A-ha! Wingology. That's got to have it.
(Tink reached for the book. It was shaped like wings. But before she could grab it, the book magically took flight! Tinker Bell chased after it, causing a commotion throughout the library. The book slammed into stacks and shelves, knocking other books all over the floor. Finally, Tink pinned it down on one of the sturdy tables)
Tinker Bell: Gotcha!
(A fairy wearing thick glasses at the next table cleared his throat. He seemed annoyed. Meet SCRIBBLE)
Tinker Bell: Sorry.
Scribble: Mmm-hmm.
Tinker Bell: Okay, let's see. Wing care. Wing washing. Wing tips. Don't get it wet. Everybody knows that. Sizes, shapes, flapping, fluttering. (GASPS) Sparkling! I knew it!
(The book took advantage of her distraction and tried to fly off once more. Tink slammed it back down)
Tinker Bell: Oh!
(Again, Scribble shot Tink a warning look)
Tinker Bell: Sorry. Found it! Huh? Oh, no.
(The page that had the answer to Tinker Bell's question was chewed up. The bookworm must have gotten to it first)
Tinker Bell: Thanks a lot.
(The bookworm gave her another guilty look. He had just started munching on a tasty paper snack. He slid away, taking the snack with him)
(Tinker Bell sighed and tried to make sense of the words that were left on the page)
Tinker Bell: Hmm. Okay. "Sparkling wings. When a most incredible…" "…That the sparkle…there was two." Huh? "That the sparkle…there was two." Two wings? Two feet? (SIGHS) Two what?
(Frustrated, she moved over to where Scribble was reading)
Tinker Bell: Psst.
Scribble: Oh! Yes?
Tinker Bell: Hey. Do you know anything about the sparkling wings?
Scribble: No. The bookworm ate the page.
Tinker Bell: Yeah, I know.
Scribble: But the Keeper does.
Tinker Bell: The Keeper? Who's the Keeper?
(Scribble pushed his glasses up higher on his nose and pointed to the author's name on the front cover of the book. In small letters, it read, BY THE KEEPER)
Scribble: (CHUCKLES) He writes the books. He is the keeper of all fairy knowledge.
Tinker Bell: That's perfect. Is he here? I have to talk to him.
Scribble: (CHUCKLING) I would give anything to talk to him. But you can't.
Tinker Bell: Why not?
Scribble: Because he's a Winter Fairy. In order to talk to him, you would have to go to the Winter Woods.
(Tinker Bell looked at him expectantly)
Scribble: And that's impossible. Your wings will freeze and…
(He snapped a pencil he was holding in half)
Scribble: Chapter 16.
Tinker Bell: Hmm. The Winter Woods.
(She quickly thanked Scribble and started to walk home)
(I have to see the Keeper! she thought eagerly. Somehow, there has to be a way to cross the border safely. He's the only one who can tell me why my wings sparkled!)
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN, GERMANY — DAY. The vast water park. The warm sun glinted on the sheer white sides of the glacier as pretty blue waterfalls trickled down the side of them. In the water park below, a boisterous group of baby creatures splashed happily in the little pools. Every summer, the creatures flocked to this sparkling valley, The glacier's slopes and fissures made the best waterslides for miles around)
Mr. Tapir: Oy, this global warming is killing me.
Mrs. Tapir: This is too hot. The Ice Age was too cold. What would it take to make you happy?
(The ice broke and the tapir fell in)
Mr. Tapir: This I like.
(Two rambunctious kids chased each other across the beach and trampled a little beaver's sand castle under their feet. The little beaver wailed)
(SID the sloth noticed that one of the prettiest sloths in the valley was looking in his direction. Trying to act the part of a real lifeguard, he raised his shell whistle to his lips and blew)
Sid: No running, James. Camp rules.
James: Make me, sloth!
(The hefty aardvark kid ran right past Sid at top speed and did a cannonball into the kiddie pool. Sid glanced at the pretty sloth)
Sid: "Make me, sir!" It's all about respect.
(She rolled her eyes scornfully as she strode away)
(Completely out of control, Sid barked out orders)
Sid: Jared, you just ate. Wait an hour. Hector, no, no. You can't go to the bathroom there. Okay. There is fine. Ashley, stop picking your… (YELLS)
(A bunch of kids grabbed him by the feet, and before he knew it he was dangling upside down from a branch)
KID: Piñata!
(Someone whacked him with a big stick)
Sid: Stop! You're supposed to wear blindfolds.
Ashley: Okay. You're in no position to make the rules.
James: Hey, it's my turn to hit the sloth!
Ashley: Mine!
James: Mine! Mine!
Ashley: Mine!
(They fight over who would be next to swing. Whack! Whack! Whack!)
Sid: Whoahhhhhhhhhhh!
(He fell to the ground with a thud)
Ashley: Hey! You didn't have any candy in you.
Sid: Not even a little.
Shovelmouth Boy: Let's bury her.
(A few husky glyptodon kids dug a hole in the ground, while the others dragged Sid toward it)
(Boing! Boing! Boing! The kids stamped the dirt down around his body and bounced on his head)
Sid: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
(Suddenly, James had another idea)
James: Fire ants!
(ALL CHEERING)
(But a big booming voice interrupted their wild cheers)
MANNY: Hey, hey, whoa! What's going on in here?
(The kids froze in their tracks)
DIEGO: And how can we make it more painful?
(Putting on their most wide-eyed, innocent-looking faces, the kids stared up at the two imposing citizens who had just arrived. It was MANNY, Sid's mammoth pal, and their fierce saber-toothed tiger, DIEGO)
Manny: Who said you kids could torture the sloth?
Diego: Manny, don't squash their creativity.
Sid: Hey, Manny! Diego! My bad mammal jammals! Want to give a sloth a hand?
(Manny used his elephantine trunk to pull Sid out of the hole)
Sid: Look, I opened my camp. (brushing the dirt off his skin) Campo del Sid. It means "Camp of Sid."
Diego: Congratulations. You're now an idiot in two languages.
Sid: Shh. Not in front of the K-I-D-Z. These little guys love me. Right, Billy?
Billy: Don't make me eat you.
Sid: Ah, they kid. That's why they're called "kids."
Manny: I told you, Sid, you're not qualified to run a summer camp.
Sid: Oh, since when do qualifications have anything to do with child care? Besides, these kids look up to me. I'm a role model to them.
(As he was saying this, two kids wrapped vines around his legs and pushed him over)
Diego: I can see that.
Sid: You guys never think I can do anything, but I'm an equal member of this herd. I made this herd, so you need to start treating me with some respect.
(Sid hopped away with his legs still tied together)
(Manny and Diego glanced over their shoulders at the mischievous crowd of youngsters)
Manny: Come on, Sid!
Diego: Sid! We were just kiddin'.
ASHLEY: Hey! Let's play Pin the Tail on the Mammoth. Yeah!
(Yikes! Manny and Diego exchanged a worried look)
Both: Sid!
(But Sid was already halfway across the water park. He had wiggled his way out of the ropes and was storming off bravely toward the highest, twistiest, most treacherous water slide in the valley)
Sid: I can do stuff. (GRUNTS) Won't give me no stupid respect. Get the… (GRUNTING) I'll show them.
(By the time Sid steeled himself for the steep ascent up the glacier, Manny and Diego had finally begun to establish some order at the summer camp)
(Manny decided to tell the kids a story about a little burro and his mommy. Everyone listened with rapt attention)
MANNY: And so, in the end, the little burro reached his mommy, and they lived happily ever after.
(The kids cheered and applauded)
(Diego gave Manny a nod of approval)
Diego: Good job.
(But the order didn't last for long. The kids began squirming and raising their hands with questions)
ASHLEY: Question. Why does the burro go home? Why doesn't he stay with the rabbits?
Manny: Because… Because he wanted to be with his family.
Bird: I think he should go with the girl burro. That's a better love story.
Manny: Okay. Well, when you tell your burro story, that's what he'll do.
Elk Boy: "Burro" is a demeaning name. Technically it's called a "wild ass."
Manny: Fine. The wild ass boy came home to his wild ass mother.
(The kids fell over laughing)
Manny: See, that's why I called it a burro!
Rhino Boy: Could the burro have a grazing problem? That would make him more relatable.
Tapir Kid: Boring!
Billy: It's not believable.
JAMES: Do burros eat their young?
Ashley: It's not a very satisfying ending.
Tapir Girl: Sometimes I throw up.
(Manny was losing patience)
Manny: "They lived happily ever after." You can't get more satisfying than that. One big, happy family. That's the way it's supposed to be.
(The young bird girl cocked her head and stared at him)
Bird: Then where's your big, happy family?
(The question hit Manny like a ton of bricks. He stood there speechless, lost in his own sad thoughts)
Diego: Then the hungry tiger ate the pesky little kids. (ROARS)
(He came to Manny's rescue. He made mock lunges at the kids and shooed them away)
Diego: You okay, buddy?
Manny: Sure. Why not?
Diego: I just thought you…
Manny: Story time's over. The end.
(He turned and walked away)
(All Manny wanted was a little time alone to think. But he and Diego were soon distracted by a strange, low rumbling sound in the distance. Before they knew it, hundreds of panicky creatures were packing up their things and hurrying out of Glacier Fountain)
TAPIR BOY 2: Get out of the way!
TAPIR BOY 1: Run for your live!
Manny: Hey, watch it.
Diego: Where's everybody going?
Tapir Boy 1: The world's coming to an end!
Manny: What are you talking about?
Tapir Boy 2: Fast Tony, he says the world's gonna flood!
(FAST TONY was a shady, fast-talking armadillo. Manny and Diego found Fast Tony giving a sales pitch to a crowd of mammals. At his feet was a pile of useless-looking reeds)
Fast Tony: Folks, I hold in my hand a device so powerful, it can actually pull air right out of the sky. (CHUCKLING) Gather around. Gather around.
(A female aardvark listened attentively)
Fast Tony: Pardon me, do you have gills, ma'am?
Aardvark Mom: Nuh-uh.
Fast Tony: So you can't breathe underwater?
Aardvark Mom: Nuh-uh.
Fast Tony: Aha! My assistant here will demonstrate.
(Fast Tony handed the reed to his lackey, a slow-witted glyptodon named STU)
(Stu stuck the think up his nose)
Stu: Hey, I can smell the ocean.
(Fast Tony grabbed the reed back in annoyance)
Fast Tony: Oh! What are you doing? I can't sell that now. You suck air through your mouth, you moron!
(He shoved the tube in Stu's mouth and dunked his head in a puddle)
(Fast Tony turned back to the crowd and continued his sales pitch)
Fast Tony: (To the crowd) Through its tensile design and sturdy construction, he'll have plenty of air for eons to come! Of course, results may vary.
(Manny moved in, swooped up the shifty armadillo by his trunk and dangled him in the air)
Fast Tony: Hey!
Manny: Why are you scaring everybody with this doomsday stuff?
(Fast Tony gave the audience a sheepish laugh. Then he scowled at Manny)
Fast Tony: I'm trying to make a living here, pal.
(He rolled himself up into a ball and bounced back to the ground)
Fast Tony: It's all part of my accu-weather forecast. The five-day outlook is calling for intense flooding followed by the end of the world! And a slight chance of patchy sunshine later in the week.
(The crowd were growing more alarmed by the minute)
Manny: Come on, don't listen to him. Fast Tony would sell his own mother for a grape.
Fast Tony: Are you making an offer? I mean, no, I would not.
Tapir Dad: Haven't you heard? The ice is melting.
Manny: You see this ground? It's covered in ice. A thousand years ago, it was covered in ice. A thousand years from now, it will still be ice.
(One of the aardvarks stepped up)
James' Dad: Say, buddy… Not to cast aspersions on your survival instincts or nothin', but haven't mammoths pretty much gone extinct?
Manny: What are you talking about?
James' Dad: I'm talking about you being the last of your kind.
Manny: Ah, your breath smells like ants.
(The aardvark smells his mouth to check and cringer in embarrassment. His breath did smell like ants!)
James' Dad: (EXHALES) Whoo! Be that as it may, when's the last time you saw another guardian?
Diego: Ah, don't pay any attention to him, Manny.
Manny: Mammoths can't go extinct. They're the biggest things on Earth.
Diatryma Mom: What about the dinosaurs?
Manny: The dinosaurs got cocky. They made enemies.
(Suddenly, a macrauchenia mammal pointed to the glacier)
MACRAUCHENIA: Look. Some idiot's going down the Eviscerator!
(Everyone looked up at the death-defying glacier)
Manny: Oh, please tell me it's not our idiot.
(High atop the glittering glacier, Sid was waving his arms)
SID: Okay. I'm gonna jump on the count of three! One, two…
DIEGO: Sid?
Manny: Sid, don't move a muscle! We're coming up!
All: Jump! Jump! Jump!
Diego: Jump! Jump! Jump!
(Manny shot him a look)
Diego: Sorry.
(By the time Manny and DIego reached the top, Sid was standing there, petrified and still counting)
Sid: Two and 3/1,000th. Two and 4/1,000th…
MANNY: Sid! What are you doing? Get down from there!
Sid: No way! I'm gonna be the first to jump off the Eviscerator and then you guys are gonna have to start showing me some respect.
Manny: You jump off this, the only respect you're gonna get is respect for the dead.
Diego: Come on, Manny. He's not that stupid.
(Sid tucked into position for the slide)
Diego: But I've been wrong before.
Sid: Geronimo!
(He plummeted off the edge. Manny flew over the icy precipice and caught Sid in midair. Thrown off balance by the catch)
Diego: Hey, watch it.
(Manny teetered and stumbled backwards into Diego, sending him sliding across a wet slick of ice. Then Manny toppled over! KERPLOP! Right on top of Sid!)
SID: (MUFFLED) I can't breathe.
(He poked his head from under Manny's massive bulk)
Sid: (GRUNTS) I think I just coughed up my spleen.
(As they righted themselves, they realized they had fallen onto a wide frozen lake. And the ice was very thin. As Diego paddled back toward them, cracks began to form around his feet wherever he took a step. He could see bubbles moving just under the surface)
(The ice was giving way! He made a desperate dash for safety. As one last crack snapped and boomed behind him, he leaped toward Manny and attached himself to the mammoth's nose as if it were the trunk of a tree)
Manny: Uh, Diego? Retract the claws, please.
Diego: Oh. Right. Sorry.
(Diego is still hyperventilating)
Sid: If I didn't know you better, Diego, I'd think you were afraid of the water.
(Diego grabbed Sid by the throat and eyeballed him threateningly)
Sid: Okay! Okay! Good thing I know you better.
MANNY: Guys. Fast Tony was right. Everything is melting.
(Diego hurried to Manny's side. The mammoth was gazing out over the wide expanse of ice with a stunned expression on his face. The whole lake had begun to thaw! And the glacier they were standing on was the only thing holding all that water back)
(The three mammals turned and looked out across their valley)
Manny: It's all gonna flood. Come on. We gotta warn them.
(Hw gazed at the youngsters who had gone back to frolicking in the water park below)
Sid: Hmm. Maybe we can rapidly evolve into water creatures.
Diego: That's genius, Sid.
Sid: Call me "Squid."
(As they traversed a narrow bridge of ice, Sid easily broke off a piece)
Sid: This whole thing's a piece of junk. I can't believe I live here.
(CRRRRRAAAAAAKKKKK! The ice began to collapse!)
(Manny and Diego shot Sid an accusing look)
Sid: What?
(Before they could answer, the whole shelf of ice crumbled beneath them and sent them flying at breakneck speed down the dreaded Eviscerator)
(As they shot down the gorge, Fast Tony continued his sales pitch below)
Fast Tony: Forget reeds! That is so five minutes ago. I present you with this revolutionary gizmo we call bark! It's so buoyant, it actually floats!
Tapir Dad: I'll show you something that floats.
Fast Tony: All right. It's your funeral.
(Manny, Sid, and Diego skimmed across the surface of a pool like four skipping stones and crashed–WHOP! SMASH! KABLAM!–into Fast Tony's podium)
(Fast Tony curled up in a ball to protect himself)
(He slowly uncurled after they had settled down)
Fast Tony: You see? This is exactly what I'm talking about! Giant balls of furry lava the size of mammoths raining from the sky!
Shovelmouth Male: Ah, go suck air through a reed!
TAPIR DAD: Hey, Fast Tony! The snakes called. They wanted their oil back.
(Nobody believed Fast Tony anymore! Manny regretted that she had convinced the citizens they had nothing to fear)
Manny: We gotta listen to him. He's right about the flood.
Fast Tony: I am? I mean, yes, I am.
Elk Dad: Wait a minute. You're the one who said there wasn't going to be a flood. Why should we listen to you?
Manny: Because we saw what's up there. The dam's gonna break. The entire valley's gonna flood.
(The crowd just laughed in his face)
LONE GUNSLINGER VULTURE: Flood's real, all right. And it's comin' fast.
(The crowd looked around to see where the voice was coming from. The source was the LONE GUNSLINGER VULTURE perched in a branch)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: Look around. You're in a bowl. Bowl's gonna fill up. Ain't no way out.
(The crowd started to panic. Quiet murmurs could be heard as the mammals turned to one another with fearful eyes)
Doe: (GASPS) What are we gonna do?
(The Lone Gunslinger interrupted the crowd with his assured tone)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: Unless, you can make it to the end of the valley. There's a boat. It can save you.
(The crowd breathed a sigh of relief and relaxed. An aardvark dad sat down on a log)
Tapir Dad: I don't see anything.
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: But, y'all better hurry. Ground's meltin', walls tumblin', rocks crumblin'. Survive that, and you'll be racing the water 'cause in three days' time, it's gonna hit the geyser fields. Boom!
(The mammals gasped)
LONE GUNSLINGER VULTURE: There is some good news, though.
(The mammals gave the Lone Gunslinger a hopeful look)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: The more of you die, the better I eat.
(The mammals trembled in fear)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: I didn't say it was good news for you.
(The Lone Gunslinger flapped his big, ugly wings and took off over the Winter Woods)
Sid: Ooh. He must have been a pleasure to have in class.
Manny: All right. You heard the scary vulture. Let's move out.
(Just as the Lone Gunslinger vanished over the horizon, an enormous chunk of the glacier broke off and came rumbling and tumbling down into Glacier Fountain. The mammals fled in terror)
(The giant ice boulder crashed into a deep pool)
Beaver Dad: Dam!
Diego: Manny, you really think there's a boat?
Manny: I don't know. But in a few days this place is gonna be a mile underwater. If there's any hope, it's that way.
(But Manny thought she could see something strange inside. But the ice was cloudy, and Diego hurried him away)
DIEGO: Manny, let's go!
(The three mammals made their way out of the valley, just behind the rest of the herd. Not one of them noticed two huge, mysterious forms thawing out of the ice and slowly coming to life)
(EXT. THE VALLEY — DAY. The fleeing herd of mammals was too busy pushing and shoving, forming a bottleneck in the narrow passage that led out of the park)
(Two vultures hovered overheard like helicopter pilots doing the nightly traffic report)
VULTURE: We got an overturned glyptodon in the far light lane. Traffic backed up as far as the eye can see.
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: Ooh, and it looks like there might be a fatality.
Vulture: (SLURPS)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: I call the dark meat!
(Forgetting all about the report, they swooped down for the meat)
(The creatures were frantic to escape the flood and avoid the looming vultures)
Diatryma Mom: Come on, everybody. Let's go. Come on. Come, come, come. Get in.
(She herd her baby chicks and ran)
(Nearby, a family of molehogs desperately tried to coax their grandpa out of his hole. The grabbed his tail and pulled)
Molehog Kid 1: Come on, Grandpa. Come on!
Molehog Kid 2: We have to go.
Grandpa: Well, I'm not leavin'! I was born in this hole, and I'll die in this hole!
(A dung beetle family rushed past)
Dung Beetle Dad: (GRUNTING) Do we have to bring this crap? I'm sure there's crap where we're going.
Dung Beetle Mom: Ah! This was a gift from my mother.
(Manny shook his head in dismay. He tried to get the migration flowing smoothly)
Manny: Okay. Keep it moving. Keep it moving.
(Sid trotted up, stuffing berries in his mouth)
Sid: Manny, Manny! I... I just heard you're going extinct. Mmm!
Manny: I am not going extinct!
Sid: Oh, well, if you do go extinct, can I have you spot on the food chain?
(The skin around his mouth was turning purple from the dripping berry juice)
Diego: Hey, if you ever master hygiene, try working on sensitively.
Manny: What part of not going extinct do you not understand?
Sid: I'm having trouble with the not part. I think you are, too.
Manny: I told you, I'm not going extinct!
(Until, the aardvark family appeared in front of Manny)
James' Dad: Kids, look! The last mammoth.
Aardvark Kids: Wow!
James' Dad: Well, you probably won't see another one of those again.
(Sid gestured toward the kids to prove his point)
Sid: See?
(The aardvark dad glanced at his kids fondly, and then did a double take. Something was amiss! He began counting heads. He counted again)
James' Dad: Okay. One, two, three… Where is James?
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN — DAY. James was at the pool where the giant ice boulder had crashed. He was leaning over to take a drink of water when a scary face popped out of the water right in front of him. James screamed and sped off to catch up with his family. It was the dim-witted Stu, which had been hiding underwater with his reed)
(He laughed and ducked back out of sight underwater. The two huge, sharp-toothed water reptiles moved silently in the water underneath him. Not one of the other citizens noticed when Stu's reed was suddenly yanked down under the surface)
(Fast Tony appeared, looking for his assistant)
Fast Tony: Stu! Come on, Stu! Let's blow this ice cube stand.
(Pftooot! One of the scaly monsters spat Stu's shell out of the water. It landed upside down at Fast Tony's feet and spun around like a trash can cover)
Fast Tony: (SCREAMS) Stu!
(He picked up the shell and wiped away a tear. Then he considered the shell's potenial value. Fast Tony's face brightened)
Fast Tony: Folks! Be the first in the valley to have your very own mobile home!
(He rehearsed his new sales pitch as he jogged back to join the others. Behind him, two water reptiles named CRETACEOUS and MAELSTROM stick their heads out to watch them go and went back underwater. They swim away in a cold water of air)
(INT. BACKSTAGE, BERLIN NATIONAL THEATER — NIGHT. To the Muppets (Animal, Rizzo, Floyd, Beaker, Camilla, Lew Zealand, Walter, Foo Foo, Piggy, Sweetums, Gonzo, Scooter, Rowlf, Fozzie) as they ran around and rushed to be ready in time for the big show)
(MUPPETS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Scooter: Has anyone seen Kermit? It's 15 minutes to curtain.
(Dominic walked out, with Constantine close behind)
Dominic: Hi, guys. Look, it's Kermit, just back from his afternoon stroll.
Constantine: (as Kermit the Frog) Hi-lo! I am Kermit.
Miss Piggy: What…
DOMINIC: He's got a cold. That's why his voice sounds a little bit different at the moment.
Muppets: (AGREEING)
Constantine: (COUGHS)
Dominic: See? Just calm down. Just relax.
Constantine: You are right. Dominic is terrific! From now on, let's do whatever he says. Hmm?
(The Muppets all cheered)
All: All right. Yeah.
Fozzie: Wow, that walk must have really helped.
(Constantine turned and bowed to Piggy)
Constantine: Miss Pig, I have wronged you. I humbly beg your forgiveness.
(Foo Foo wagged her tail and licked Constantine's hand)
(But Piggy wasn't as immediately impressed)
Miss Piggy: You're not getting off that easy, bucko. Come on, Foo Foo. (HARRUMPHS)
(As she sauntered away, Animal sensed something was off about Kermit)
Animal: (SNIFFING) Bad frog! Bad frog!
(Then he bit Constantine's arm!)
Constantine: What is this? Let go, dog!
(Floyd had to pull Animal off of him)
Floyd: Animal, stop it! Kermit has agreed that Dominic is right all the time, man.
DOMINIC: Good. So, now that Kermit agrees with me on everything…
Constantine: I am Kermit.
Dominic: Definitely. Let's go and hang out backstage, yeah?
Scooter: Okay, all right.
Constantine: (to Walter) Come, little friend. Let us get on with the show and enjoy our family-style adventure during which we shall bond and learn heartwarming lesson. Perhaps about sharing, or waiting your turn, or the number three. Hmm?
Walter: Um… Right, Kermit. Uh… Sure.
(INT. DRESSING ROOM, BERLIN NATIONAL THEATER — NIGHT. Dominic commended his partner in crime, Constantine)
Dominic: Flawlessly executed. Bravo.
(Constantine shrugged casually)
Constantine: What did you expect from world's most dangerous frog and world's number one criminal, Number Two?
Dominic: Yeah, I know. You're Number One, I'm Number Two. I think you mentioned that before in a few times.
Constantine: Now that we control the Muppet tour, Number Two, phase one of our plan is complete. We are now positioned to carry out greatest… (MUMBLING) Burgle… Blurgh-el… Burgle…
Dominic: "Burglary."
Constantine: Yes. …of all time, and pin it on those gullible Muppets, who will spend the rest of their miserable lives behind bars. Tonight, we steal the painting and then we'll have all we need to steal the unstealable, the Crown Jewels of England. Ensuring that my name goes down in history as the greatest thief of all time!
Dominic: You mean our names, right?
Constantine: Of course. My name first, then spacebar, spacebar, spacebar, spacebar, your name.
DOMINIC: Sure.
("I'm Number One")
Constantine: *I'm Number One, you're Number Two
*We're criminals at large, but I'm at larger than you
*I'm Number One, you're Number Two
*I believe in equality as long as you get less than me
*I'm one
Dominic: *You're one
Constantine: *You're Number Two
Dominic: *I'm Number Two
Constantine: *You may think that you're smarter, but I'm smarter-er than you
*I'm Number One, you're Number Two
*You're lucky to be Number Two not Number Three
*I can see by the look in your eye
*You want to get a bigger piece of the pie
*One day you'll get your chance
*But in the meantime you've got to dance monkey dance!
Dominic: Really? I'm not a dance major.
Constantine: *Do it, dance monkey dance!
A-ha!
Dominic: *I'm Number Two, he's Number One
*I can't believe I'm working for an amphibian
*I'm Number Two, he's Number One
Constantine: *I'm Number One!
Dominic: *You know life's gone to the dogs, when your boss is a frog
*I can see it's just a matter of time
*Before he's gone and I'm at the front of the line
*It won't be long 'til I'll get my chance
*But in the meantime, I've got to dance monkey dance
Constantine: *Dance monkey dance!
*I'm Number Two
Dominic: *He's Number One
Constantine: *You're Number Two
Dominic: *I'm Number Two
Constantine: *That's it kid, there you go. Now step aside this ain't your show!
*I'm One
Dominic: *I'm Number One
Constantine: *I'm Number One
Dominic: *Yes, we know
Both: *I'm/He's Number One*
Constantine: That's how it's done.
(Suddenly, someone was knocking on the door. It was Scooter)
Scooter: 15 seconds to curtain… Kermit?
Dominic: Sure.
Scooter: Uh… Okay.
(Dominic rolled his eyes. In order to get to the Crown Jewels, hidden in the Tower of London, they'd have to steal a map, a key, and a locket, located in museums all over Europe. This would require a lot of planning. He held up a bunch of Muppet VHS tapes)
Dominic: Have you studied your Kermit tapes yet?
Constantine: Of course. This is child's play for frog of my talent. (GRUNTS)
(Full of pride, he walked out of the dressing room)
(INT. STAGE, NATIONAL BERLIN THEATER — NIGHT. Constantine got into position for the opening number. It was showtime!)
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host, Kermit the Frog.
Constantine: "Study Kermit tapes." Nonsense.
(A drumroll began…)
(Constantine opened the O of the MUPPET SHOW sign. He stuck his head out, looked at the audience…and froze in terror)
Dominic: Oh, no.
(Constantine had the worst stage fright of all time!)
(Scooter whispered from the side of the stage)
Scooter: Kermit! Introduce the show.
(But all Constantine could manage to say was:)
Constantine: Ahhhrrgghghh.
(Then he passed out!)
(The audience gasped, and Scooter jumped onstage to announce the show, in the same manner as Kermit normally did)
Scooter: (STAMMERING) It's the Muppet Show! With our very special guest star, Christoph Waltz! Yay!
(The music plays "The Muppet Show" as the sign goes up with Constantine hanging)
Constantine: What is happening? Why am I flying?
(Constantine is slumped through the hole and falls into the stage)
(The audience gasped)
Miss Piggy: What the…
Scooter: We gotta do something!
(Sweetums pulls Constantine off the stage while the curtains close. They skipped the opening theme. Scooter appears on stage)
Scooter: (STAMMERING) (SPEAKING IN GERMAN) Please welcome our first act, Australian superstar…
(The celebrity guest host CHRISTOPH WALTZ popped out from the curtains)
Christoph+: Not Australian. Austrian. Austrian.
Scooter+: Yeah, of course. Yes, right. (to the others backstage) Cancel the Waltzing Matilda opening Australian number.
(The KANGAROO, KOALA, and BEAUREGARD)
Beauregard+: But we rehearsed it.
Koala+: What?
Kangaroo+: Jeez Louise.
Scooter+: Sorry. Austrian superstar, Herr Christoph Waltz dances the waltz!
(The show began with an elegant ballroom number. Christoph Waltz danced the waltz with Sweetums, along with the others (Wayne & Wanda, Link & Mildred Huxtetter, the Newsman & Annie Sue))
(INT. BACKSTAGE — NIGHT. Dressed head to toe in black, Dominic looked ready for a burglary)
(INT. STAGE, NATIONAL BERLIN THEATER — NIGHT. The waltz continues)
Christoph: Darling, you set my world on fire.
Sweetums: Oh!
(This caught Crazy Harry's attention)
Crazy Harry: Did somebody say "explosion"?
Sweetums: No! He says I set his world on fire.
Crazy Harry: There it is again!
(Then he start blowing up the scenery to the beat of the music! Everyone panicked)
Annie Sue: Wait for me! Please! Wait for me.
(With each loud explosion onstage from Crazy Harry, Dominic hammered through the basement wall to reach the museum on the other side)
Crazy Harry: One more!
SWEETUMS: Keep waltzing, Mr. Waltz!
(Crazy Harry blew up the last bit of onstage. The audience applauded)
(INT. BACKSTAGE — NIGHT. The wall had broken down)
Constantine: It was, uh, a stomach bug and vertigo. That's not a stage fright, if that's why you're thinking, Number Two.
Dominic: Sure.
(They climbed through the hole into the museum!)
(INT. NATIONAL TREASURE MUSEUM — NIGHT. From the museum basement, they headed up to the first floor. They walked past oil portraits, stopping in front of a painting of Colonel Thomas Blood, an angry-looking-17th-century Muppet)
DOMINIC: Colonel Thomas Blood.
(He lifted the painting off the wall and cut it from its frame with a knife)
Dominic: Right, now to cover our tracks.
(He grabbed some priceless paintings, which set off the museum's alarm system. He hoped that would give the police the wrong idea: that the burglars were after the priceless paintings, not the Colonel Blood one)
Constantine: Let's get out of here!
(He headed for the door)
(Behind him, Dominic took a coin out of his pocket, left it on the floor, and fled)
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN — DAY. Scrat journeyed across the ice to look for his acorn once more. He found it floating in the water, under the ice)
Scrat: (SNUFFING) (SQUAWKS)
(Joyed, he tries to get it, but instead smacks into the ice)
Scrat: (GROWLS)
(Frustrated, Scrat jumps up and down on the ice, only for him to be flipped into the water, with his acorn on top)
Scrat: (BLUBBERING)
(Scrat tries to get back on the surface but continuously flips a chunk of ice, and therefore flings his acorn to the other side, while Scrat get's back in the water trapped. Under water, Scrat follows his acorn as it slides on the surface. He then was able to get his snout out of the ice and inhales deeply, but breaths in his acorn, making it difficult for him to breathe)
Scrat: (WHINES)
(Because of that, he blows away his acorn. Still determined, Scrat manages to get his entire head up from the ice and sees his precious nut)
Scrat: (GRUNTING) (GASPING)
(Scrat used his sharp canine teeth to his advantage to rotate around the ice and free himself, with the chunk of ice around his neck)
Scrat: Oh! (WHIMPERS) (GASPING)
(Unfortunately, Scrat knocked his acorn to a floating piece of ice)
Scrat: Uh-oh. (YELLS)
(Because of the mass of the ice around his head, Scrat fell down to where his acorn was, launching it to a higher level of ice, while the ice was on Scrat, with his end facing up)
Scrat: (WHINING)
(Down underwater, Cretaceous and Maelstrom, two evil sea reptiles see some bubbles in the water and gets an idea)
(INT. TINKER BELL'S TEAPOT HOUSE — MORNING. Tinker Bell was hard at work in her teapot home. Using scissors, she snipped a thick green leaf into pieces. Nearby, two rats turned a spinning wheel to make thread. Tink carefully stitched the pieces of the leaf together to make a warm winter coat. Then she started to make snow boots. She hammered and cobbled until they were just right. She even added her signature pom-poms to the toes. When she was done, she tucked earmuffs, a winter coronation dress, and woolly gloves into her Pixie Squad backpack. She looked at herself in the mirror)
(Not bad! she thought. She was ready for winter!)
(INT. AIRPORT — GERMANY — MORNING. Wendy's SMILING FACE, on a Pixie Squad poster)
ANNOUNCER ON PA: Welcome to Berlin International Airport.
(REVERSE to reveal Peter looking at it, sadly. He flies on, passing (but not noticing) ---)
(--- GREM and ACER)
(AT THE SECURITY CHECK — MOMENTS LATER. Fairies take off their dust, move through the detector. Peter waits in line. A SECURITY FAIRY approaches Peter)
Finn: (in German and English) (SPEAKS GERMAN) Come with me, please, ma'am.
Peter: But I'm gonna miss my plane.
(IN THE ADMIRAL'S LOUNGE — MOMENTS LATER. The Security Fairy leads Peter inside)
Finn: Right this way.
Peter: Ah, doggone it. This is about my hook, ain't it? I know I should have checked it, but I can't, really.
(As they move past us the Security Fairy covertly drops a BALL BEARING which rolls into a corner. The ball bearing then sprouts MECHANICAL LEGS, tripods itself and IRISES out, revealing itself to be a tiny CAMERA)
(IN THE MAIN ROOM — ADMIRAL'S LOUNGE — CONTINUOUS. Peter follows the Security Fairy in, nervous)
Peter: Look. It's attached to me.
(ZWAPPPPPP!! The Security Fairy suddenly DECLOAKS himself, reveals himself to be Finn McMissile!)
Peter: Hey, I know you. You're that feller from the karate demonstration.
Finn: I never properly introduced myself. Finn McMissile. British Intelligence.
Peter: Peter Pan. Average intelligence.
Finn: Who are you with? FBI? CIA?
Peter: Let's just say I'm AAA affiliated. I know some karate. I don't want to brag or nuttin', but I got me a black fan belt.
(BEEP! Finn's rearview alarms. His camera has picked up Grem and Acer. They've just entered the lounge, are right around the corner)
Peter: Wanna see some moves I made up?
Finn: You're being followed.
(Finn quickly turns, fires a tiny GLASS CUTTING BEETLE at the window. As Peter talks, oblivious, the beetle cuts out a round hole)
Peter: This first one, I can reach into a fairy's back pull out his battery, and show it to him before he stalls. I call it, "What I accidentally did to my friend Pound once."
(Peter does his best (worst) karate moves as Acer and Grem turn the corner)
Grem: There he is!
PETER: Hi-hi-tah! Huh!
(The glass drops away, leaving a fairy-sized hole)
Peter: (eyes the clock) Look, I probably ought to go. I'm about to miss my flight.
Finn: Don't worry. I've taken care of that.
(Finn HOOKS Peter from behind. He YANKS HER forward ---)
Finn: Hang on!
(--- and LEAPS OUT THE WINDOW!)
(EXT. TARMAC — AIRPORT — GERMANY. Finn pulls Peter down HARD onto the tarmac, towing him away from the terminal)
Peter: This is first-class service. You don't even have to go through the terminal!
(ACER and GREM appear, chasing them. Peter, who is facing backward as he is being pulled along, faces them. They're about a hundred yards back)
Peter: (to Finn) Your karate partners is back there. They look like they trying to catch up!
Finn: Drive forward. Whatever you do, don't stop!
(Finn SKIDS around, whipping Peter in a 180 so that Peter is now towing Finn)
(Grem produces a ROCKET, lines up Finn as his target)
(Finn, without hesitation, fires a MINI ROLLING-JACK. The jack DRIVES ITSELF toward Grem, anchors itself under his frame and flips him like a turtle but not before Grem gets the rocket OFF ---)
(THE ROCKET — it flies toward Peter and Finn)
(FINN aims and launches a MISSILE back)
(THE ROCKET AND MISSILE COLLIDE IN MID-AIR, EXPLODE)
Peter: (only hearing this) Is everything okay back there?
Siddeley: (O.S.) Finn, it's Sid. I'm on approach.
(A GULFSTREAM JET wings into view overheard. This is SIDDELEY)
FINN: Roger that.
(Peter looks up: ACER screeches into view up ahead, dragging a long row of luggage carts in Peter's path, attempting to create an accident)
Peter: 'Member that whole thing about me not stoppin' no matter what?
(Just as it looks dire --- RATATATATATATAT!!! SIDDELEY descends, hawklike, fires bullets and blows the luggage carts sky-high. Peter and Finn burst through them, luggage now raining down from above)
Peter: I knew I shoulda done carry-on!
Finn: (to Siddeley) Thanks, old boy.
(Siddeley LANDS HARD on the tarmac ahead of them. No time to stop, he DROPS his back open, revealing HOLLEY)
Siddeley: You got it, mate.
PETER: Hey, doggone it! Look, it's my imaginary girlfriend!
Holley: Come on! Get in here!
(Peter SPEEDS UP toward Siddeley's ramp, Holley)
Peter: I tell you what, you really do want this first date, don't ya? That's a no-quit attitude right there.
(Just as Peter's feet wheels touch the ramp, BULLETS PING around her in a spray. Siddeley is HIT, a tire BLOWN. He yells in pain)
FINN: Hold on, Sid.
(Siddeley peels off the runway onto the grass)
(A gunfight ensues between Finn and Acer. Finn SHOOTS ACER'S TIRE, blowing it and throwing him off-course.
(Acer CAREENS out of control, drives up and THROUGH A JET ---)
(--- OUT THE OTHER SIDE where he lands in a pixie dust tanker)
(ON SIDDELEY — He's headed toward the edge of the tarmac, where the grass and runway meet WATER. He HITS THE GAS, his only hope)
Siddeley: Come on, Finn! It's now or never!
(Finn BRAKES, 180s and grabs the ramp just as Siddeley gets air)
Siddeley: Hold on!
(Peter, the only thing not in the jet, dangles and recedes from our view as Siddeley climbs toward the clouds. He's PULLED in through the back hatch)
(INT. NATIONAL TREASURE MUSEUM — MORNING (TIMELINE: 06:45). The newspaper headline told the story: Priceless German and American portraits stolen from German National Treasure Museum!)
(Police barricaded the crime scene. SAM THE EAGLE, an interested party, flashed his CIA badge)
Sam the Eagle: CIA.
(Interpol agent JEAN PIERRE NAPOLEON flashed a larger badge)
Jean Pierre: Interpol! What is the CIA doing here? This is my jurisdiction. Not to mention, my badge is bigger.
Sam the Eagle: One of the stolen paintings was on loan from the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art. So, this is CIA jurisdiction. Also, this is my travel badge. Here's my real badge.
(He removed a gigantic badge from a suitcase)
Jean Pierre: Oh. You must have been looking at the wrong. Badge!
(He ripped open his shirt, revealing his entire chest covered in a badge)
(Sam nodded)
Sam the Eagle: What? (SIGHS) You've won this round, Pierre.
Jean Pierre: My name is "Jean."
Sam the Eagle: Okay, Shawn. It looks like we're gonna be working together. But that doesn't mean I have to like you.
Jean Pierre: I didn't like you first.
Sam the Eagle: I didn't like you before I met you.
(He looked around the crime scene)
Sam the Eagle: So, what have we got?
(Jean looked at his notes)
Jean Pierre: Two priceless paintings stolen and one average painting of an obscure English colonel stolen.
Sam the Eagle: Hmm.
Jean Pierre: This has all the markings of the work of the Lemur.
Sam the Eagle: What's a lemur?
Jean Pierre: Only the second most wanted criminal in the world. And my personal nemesis. Unfortunately for me, his identity is a mystery.
(Sam shook his head)
Sam the Eagle: No, literally, what is a lemur?
Jean Pierre: Oh. It is also a rat-monkey from Madagascar.
(Then he spotted a coin on the floor and bent down to pick it up)
Jean Pierre: A-ha! Just as I suspected.
(He showed it to Sam, noting the lemur that was embossed on the face of the coin)
Jean Pierre: This coin is his calling card. The Lemur, he is playing with us.
(The UPS delivery man came in with the package)
USP Guy: I have a delivery here for Mr. Eagle.
Sam the Eagle: Right here.
(The UPS guy hands Sam the rope)
USP Guy: And here's your rope.
Sam the Eagle: Mmm.
(He pulled the rope and the cloth falls off to reveal a biggest CIA badge)
Sam the Eagle: You were saying?
(Jean pulled out a folder and handed it to Sam)
Jean Pierre+: Here's the Lemur file. It's everything we have on him.
(Sam opened it to find it full of Lemur coins. And nothing else)
(EXT. GERMAN ALPINE LEDERHOSEN FACTORY — MORNING. Tinker Bell cautiously peeked out from behind a village. She saw Fairy Mary and the other villagers hard at work. Slipping her hood on her head, Tinker Bell quietly tiptoed into the workshop)
FAIRY MARY: Hurry, now, hurry! Let's finish up. Stand by with the pulley.
(Fairy Mary was instructing the tinkers)
Fairy Mary: All right! It's this season's final pickup, so let's make it our best. Lucinda, let's leave the loafing for the Baking Fairies.
(Tink hid behind a large bin and spied on Clank and Bobble. They were testing out the basket they just made)
BOBBLE: Okay, Clanky.
Clank: Right!
(He pulled down on a large lever, and the bottom of the basket opened up. Bobble falls through it and onto the ground with a loud thump!)
Bobble: Ouch.
Clank: Snowflake release system working!
(Bobble, O.S., rubbed his head)
BOBBLE: Maybe you should be the test snowflake for a while.
(Without a sound, Tink pulled a small grappling hook attached to a rope out of her satchel. Quickly, she tossed the hook toward the top of the basket. It caught hold. Pleased with herself, Tink began to climb up and into the basket. She was so close to getting a ride to the Winter Woods!)
Clank: Tink?
(Uh-oh! Tinker Bell thought. She'd been caught!)
Bobble: We already checked that basket.
(They thought Tinker Bell was helping them prepare for the final pickup)
Tinker Bell: Right. Uh…
(She slowly lowered herself back to the ground. She had to think fast)
(Clank looked Tink up and down curiously)
Clank: Why are you dressed all cozy?
(Tinker Bell sighed. It was no use trying to lie to her friends)
Tinker Bell: I'm going to the Winter Woods.
(Clank and Bobble gasped)
Bobble: (LOUDLY) The Winter Woods?
Tinker Bell: Shh!
(Tinker Bell looked around for Fairy Mary. Thankfully, the head tinker fairy was busy on the other side of the factory, counting the last batch of baskets)
Bobble: (WHISPERING) The Winter Woods?
(Tinker Bell was about to explain when suddenly a loud horn sounded)
FAIRY MARY: Places, everyone!
Tinker Bell: The snowy owls. They're here!
FAIRY MARY: Start the pulley!
(The baskets that the employees had been making all day started to move along the rope up to the delivery tower. Tinker Bell didn't have time to think. It was now or never)
Tinker Bell: Bye!
(Before they could stop him, Tink hoisted herself into a moving basket and began rising into the air)
CLANK: Tink! Wait!
(He looked over at Bobble, and the two friends flew after her)
(The pulley was carrying baskets up to meet the snowy owls as they swooped down. Tinker Bell's basket was nearing the top)
Bobble: You can't cross the border, Miss Bell. Your wings!
Tinker Bell: Don't worry. They're in my coat.
Clank: Does this have to do with the… (GASPS)
(They turned their attention to the owl as he whoosh by and picked up the basket)
Clank: The sparkling?
Tinker Bell: Yes. There's somebody in winter who can tell me what it means.
(Fairy Mary's voice echoed from down below)
Fairy Mary: Clank, Bobble! Is something wrong with that basket?
Bobble: What? Oh.
(They turned their attention again to the owl as he picked up another basket)
(BOTH STAMMERING)
(Bobble shot Tink a nervous glance. He looked at him pleadingly. They couldn't give her away now!)
Bobble: Tink?
Tinker Bell: I just have to do this.
(They heard another whoosh of the owl)
(Bobble turned back to Fairy Mary)
Bobble: Uh, no. Everything is, uh, fine. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Clank: We're just sad to see it go.
(He patted the side of the basket)
Clank: Pretty basket.
(Fairy Mary rolled her eyes and let out a heavy sigh)
Fairy Mary: Oh! Honestly. Let it go!
(Clank and Bobble released their hold on the basket, and one by one the snowy owls swooped down to collect the deliveries. Tinker Bell peeked over the edge. Her basket was next for pickup!)
(Just then, the young owl from the previous day came into view. He was assigned to collect Tinker Bell's basket)
Fairy Mary: That's the new one.
Bobble: Uh, new one?
Fairy Mary: Mmm-hmm.
(A new owl wouldn't be as steady when picking up a heavy basket as the other, more experienced owls. They hoped the bird wouldn't drop Tinker Bell!)
(A moment later, the young owl flew past and grabbed the handles of Tinker Bell's basket. He wobbled a little. The he flapped his wings hard, trying to keep up with his brothers)
(Tinker Bell smiled. They were on their way…)
(…and heading straight for a wall! Panicking, Tinker Bell crouched against the side of the basket and braced for impact. But at the second, the determined little owl gained enough momentum to lift the basket up and over the wall. They just missed it)
(Back on the ground, Clank and Bobble let out a sigh of relief. That was close!)
(Tinker Bell sneaked a look back at her friends one last time and then she quickly ducked down)
Fairy Mary: Excellent work, everyone. They're off to the cold of winter. Well, that's that until next year.
(As Fairy Mary left, Clank and Bobble continued watching Tinker Bell's basket disappear over the horizon)
Bobble: Stay warm, Miss Bell. See us in Ireland.
(EXT. GERMANY AND BOUNDARY — MORNING. Inside the basket, Tinker Bell was nervous and excited. There was no turning back now. She was going to the Winter Woods!)
(Peering over the edge, she saw the border between Germany and winter rapidly approaching. It grew closer, and closer, and then …)
(Fwoom!)
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — MORNING. The moment they crossed over, a burst of cold air hit Tinker Bell hard. She shivered and opened her eyes. She was in winter!)
(The snowy owl flew on at top speed. Tinker Bell held tight and watched as a world of white whizzed past her. Winter was incredible! They dipped under a sparkling ice bridge and then pulled up high over a magnificent snowy valley. Tinker Bell's breath came in short puffs of frosty air. It was like nothing she had ever seen or felt before. No stories about the Winter Woods could have prepared her for this)
Tinker Bell: I made it.
(Up ahead, a handsome winter fairy (SLED), flew over to greet her owl)
SLED: Welcome back.
(Tinker Bell ducked down inside the basket, hiding)
Tinker Bell: A Winter Fairy.
SLED: You ready for the drop-off?
(The owl, O.S., gave a nervous hoot)
Sled: Come on. You did it yesterday. You'll be fine.
Owl: (SQUAWKS)
Sled: All right then. Here we go.
(As Tinker Bell watched, Sled flew ahead and spiraled down to a hilltop covered in snow. She realized that the owls were going to drop the baskets onto a long icy slide that would take them to a factory similar to the basket depot back in Germany. Tink gulped. This was going to be a bumpy ride!)
(On Sled's signal, the owls swooped forward one by one and let go of their baskets. Tinker Bell's basket lurched to one side as her owl got ready to release it. Tink was thrown against the edge, and she accidentally hit the snowflake release lever!)
(Instantly, the trapdoor at the bottom of his basket sprang open. Her satchel started to slide toward it. Quickly, Tinker Bell snatched it up. But the basket rocked to and fro. She started to roll toward the open trapdoor herself!)
(Tink grabbed the edge of the opening just before she would have fallen through, and with all her strength, pulled herself back up and closed the trapdoor. Whew!)
(But Tink wasn't out of trouble yet. Her owl had been thrown off balance by her tumbling. Startled, he accidentally released the basket too soon. It careened out of control)
(EXT. SNOWFLAKE DEPOT, THE WINTER WOODS — MORNING. A winter fairies below spotted the renegade basket)
SNOW FAIRIES: Look out!
(Tinker Bell's basket slid down the chute and smashed into a pile of bins already loaded with snowflakes. Frosty crystals flew everywhere! As his basket rolled to a stop, Tinker Bell remained perfectly still. The winter fairies were scampering to clean up the mess)
SLED: Sorry about that.
(Thankfully, no one had spotted him. Tink quickly started to gather all the things that had fallen out of her satchel. But wait – something was missing)
Tinker Bell: Oh, no.
(Tinker Bell peeked around the rim of her basket. The wing book was lying out in the open!)
(Just then, a large shadow passed overhead. A massive snowy owl, whooshed by, and a powerful-looking lord fairy, MILORI, wearing a cape leapt down to the ground)
Sled: Lord Milori.
(Tinker Bell gasped. That must be the Lord of Winter Fawn had told her about. The one who had made the rule those fairies and people couldn't cross the border. Now Tink really needed to stay hidden!)
Lord Milori: And what happened here?
Sled: A bit of a bumpy landing. It's only his second drop-off.
(The owl gave the lord a sheepish grin)
Lord Milori: As long as the basket made it, I'd say he did just fine.
(As Milori and Sled were talking, Tinker Bell moves the basket closer to get the book back)
Lord Milori: How was the crossing?
Sled: Four bunnies, two weasels, and a marmot.
Lord Milori: And they all crossed safely.
Sled: Yes, I met up with them on the north side.
(Milori looked around at the work the fairies were doing)
Lord Milori: The snowflakes are looking quite beautiful.
Female Winter Fairy: (CHUCKLES) No two alike.
(Tinker Bell tried to reach the wing book with her foot. But it was too far away. She stretched just a little bit more…and accidentally knocked the book with her toe)
Tinker Bell: No, no, no.
LORD MILORI: Ambitious.
(It slid out of reach, and right into Milori's boot!)
Lord Milori: Hmm. (Picking up the book) Now that is odd.
(Tinker Bell smacked her hand against her head. This was a disaster!)
Tinker Bell: Oh!
(Milori studied the book carefully)
Lord Milori: It must have been left in the basket by accident. Return this to the Keeper.
Tinker Bell: (GASPS) The Keeper.
(Milori remained several minutes longer, admiring the work of the snowflake fairies)
LORD MILORI: He can send it back to the warm side with his next delivery. (URGES OWL)
(Then he mounted his owl and took off into the sky. Once he had left, Sled picked up the book and headed out of the snowflake depot)
(Tinker Bell watched him go. If he was off to see the Keeper, then there was only one thing to do. She was going to follow him)
(EXT. CHAMBER DOORS, THE HALL OF WINTER — MORNING. In the Hall of Winter, just outside the Keeper's chamber doors, Tinker Bell listened carefully. She had followed Sled all the way there, and he was speaking with the Keeper now)
SLED: It must have come from the warm side. In one of the baskets.
(He turned to walk off)
Sled: Thanks.
(Once Sled was out of sight, Tinker Bell quietly stepped inside the chamber)
(INT. CHAMBER, THE HALL OF WINTER — MORNING. But the floor was slippery. It was made entirely of ice. Tinker Bell could barely stand up)
(She clung to a wall and struggled to get her balance. As she steadied himself, she noticed a soft purring noise coming from behind her. Slowly, she turned around…)
(An enormous lynx named FIONA was just inches from her face! Tinker Bell clapped her mouth over her mouth. But when the creature snored, she realized it was asleep. Sighting with relief, Tinker Bell backed away…)
(…and slipped on the ice!)
Tinker Bell: Ahhh!
(She slid down into the frozen depths of the hall. She kept sliding and sliding, until finally she crashed into a large stack of ice books against the wall)
(INT. LIBRARY, THE HALL OF WINTER — MORNING. This was not going as well as she'd hoped. She staggered to his feet and looked around)
(What she saw took his breath away. He was in a grand library, bigger than any room she had ever seen. Thousands of books lined the wall, and stacks of frosty parchments towered in every corner. Several large ice tablets teetered on the edges of their shelves, held in place by even more books and papers piled on top. It was incredible!)
(Across the room, Tinker Bell spotted the wing book that Sled had dropped off. She began to inch over to it when suddenly a short, elderly fairy walked in. He had tousled gray hair and mustache and small, round spectacles. Tink could hear him mumbling to himself)
DEWEY: That's the end of that chapter. Boy, that's a beauty. Flora and Fauna of the Fairies.
(That must be the KEEPER (also named DEWEY), Tinker Bell thought. She couldn't believe it. She had found him!)
Dewey: Put a period there, then we are pretty much done. Wait. I forgot to number the pages. Oh! I'm going to have to start all over on this large book.
(Tinker Bell was just about to step out from behind the ice books when a young winter fairy came whizzing by)
PERIWINKLE: Keeper. Keeper!
Dewey: Yes, what…
PERIWINKLE: The most amazing thing happened. You'll never believe it.
Dewey: Okay, I'm coming. I'm coming.
(Tinker Bell watched as Peri paused to catch her breath)
PERIWINKLE: I've never felt anything like it! My friends didn't believe me, but how could they because it's so…
DEWEY: Slow down. I can only listen so fast.
(As Tinker Bell listened, a tingling sensation suddenly overwhelmed her. She looked over her shoulder and saw that her wings were shimmering so brightly she could see them right through her coat)
PERIWINKLE: Yesterday, at the border, my wings. They actually…they lit up. It's happening again!
(The commotion had woken Fiona from its nap, and wandered into the room. Peri greeted the large cat)
Periwinkle: Hi, Fiona.
(Then she turned back to the Keeper)
Periwinkle: You've got to tell me what it means!
(She turned so that the Keeper could see her wings were sparkling)
Dewey: Oh…Well, I'll be a yeti's uncle.
(Tinker Bell peeked out from his hiding place and got a good look at the winter fairy's face for the first time. His stomach did a little flip. Something felt so familiar about the fairy! She had short, light blonde hair and ice-blue eyes. Her dress was made from a delicate material that glistened like frost in the sunlight. Tink was positive that he had never met this fairy. But she couldn't help feeling drawn to her. She took off her coat and stepped out of hiding)
(Periwinkle turned and stared at Tinker Bell. They began drifting toward one another, as if an invisible force guided them)
Dewey: In all my years.
Periwinkle: Your wings. They're sparkling.
Tinker Bell: Like yours.
(Then, as suddenly as it had started, the sparkling faded)
Dewey: (LAUGHS INCREDULOUSLY) I've written about the sparkling, but I've never seen the sparkling with my own peepers! (CHUCKLING EXCITEDLY)
(His expression said that he knew more than either of the young fairies did about the sparkling. He rubbed his hands together, delighted)
Dewey: Oh, uh, follow me!
(INT. VAST HALL, THE HALL OF WINTER — DAY. Quickly, the Keeper ushered Tinker Bell and Peri through the vast hall. He pointed his cane toward a great room with a giant snowflake pattern on the floor)
Dewey: Now, step the footsies on the snowflake.
(Tink place her coat on top of his cane and rushed with Peri to the middle of the snowflake. The Keeper tapped his cane on the floor, and the room went dark. Instantly, the snowflake Tink and Peri were standing on lit up and rose off the ground. Amazed, the two fairies held perfectly still)
Dewey: Just put your wings into the light!
(Together, the fairies lifted their wings into the sunlight streaming down from an opening in the ceiling. The rays shone through their wings. Then an incredible thing happened. The light began projecting images from their pasts on the icy chamber wall. The first picture was of Big Ben, the clock tower in London)
Tinker Bell: The mainland.
(The scene switched to a baby laughing for the first time. The fairies watched as the laugh split in two and landed on a dandelion. Two wisps from the flower took flight and danced across a night sky. But before they could reach over the ocean, one got caught in the water. The other traveled on. A strong gust of wind came and and blew the tangled wisp in the opposite direction, toward WGP)
TINKER BELL: Oh, no.
(Images of the fairies arriving in New Orleans, Louisiana, United States and Oslo, Norway appeared–Tinker Bell in the Pixie Dust Tree at Pixie Hollow)
Tinker Bell: Hello.
FAIRIES: Hello.
(And the other fairy in the nursery at the Winter Woods who is Periwinkle)
Periwinkle: Hello.
Tinker Bell: Two fairies born of the same laugh. So that means…
Periwinkle: You're my…
Both: So we're… Sisters.
(The Keeper nodded and gestured to the fairies' wings)
Dewey: Yes! And your wings are identical. That is why they sparkle.
(Turning their backs to each other, Tink and Peri lined up their wings. The Keeper was right–the patterns marched perfectly! A bright spark of light suddenly burst forth when their wings touched. It created a beam that shone all the way to the ceiling)
(The two fairies jumped back)
Both: (EXCLAIM) Jingles! (LAUGHING)
(What was that?)
Dewey: Ah… Oh, boy. Maybe you shouldn't do that.
(Tink smiled, turned to Peri and introduced himself)
Tinker Bell: Um, I'm Tinker Bell.
Periwinkle: I'm Periwinkle.
(Tink thought back to how her wings had sparkled the first time she jumped into winter)
Tinker Bell: So you must have been at the border.
(Periwinkle nodded)
Periwinkle: Yeah. I was hoping to see the animals cross.
Tinker Bell: I guess I didn't see you.
Periwinkle: (CHUCKLES) Me either. (GASPS)
(She looked at the pom-poms on Tink's boots)
Tinker Bell: What?
(With an excited squeal, she reached into her pocket and pulled out two identical pom-poms)
Periwinkle: I usually just wear them at home.
(She puts them on her toes. She looked beautiful)
Tinker Bell: Wow.
(At that moment, a voice bellowed through the chamber)
LORD MILORI: Hello. Keeper, are you in?
Dewey: Yipping yetis, Lord Milori!
(Periwinkle panicked)
Periwinkle: If he sees you, he'll send you back.
LORD MILORI: Keeper? Are you here?
Dewey: Don't worry. I'm going to take care of this.
Lord Milori: Where are you?
Dewey: Ah. Come back later!
Lord Milori: Keeper?
Dewey: Whoa, boy. Can't get that one back.
Lord Milori: I need to speak with you. It's important.
(Tink and Periwinkle crouched down on the large, hovering snowflake. As long as they stayed there, Milori wouldn't be able to see them from down below)
Dewey: I'll be right back.
(He flew down to see Milori. He greeted the royal fairy)
Dewey: I'm right here, Lord Milori.
Lord Milori: Did you receive the wing book?
Dewey: You know, once upon a time, you'd stop by just to say hello and howdy-do.
(He pretended to look hurt)
Lord Milori: (sincerely) (SIGHS) I'm sorry. Hello.
Dewey: Howdy-do?
Lord Milori: (SIGHS) Howdy-do.
(Then he knew someone was here)
Lord Milori: This book has me worried. What if a Warm Fairy brought it here?
(The Keeper, O.S., chuckled)
DEWEY: Well, that might be nice, then, meeting a Warm Fairy. Especially one with such good taste in books.
Lord Milori: (sternly) It's too cold.
Dewey: Maybe if they were wearing a coat, or one of them little sweater vests. They're nice.
(The look that crossed Milori's face made it clear that he was losing his patience)
Lord Milori: I'll remind you. Crossing the border is forbidden.
Dewey: There was a time when it wasn't.
Lord Milori: The rule is there to keep the fairies safe. That will never change.
Dewey: But I…
Lord Milori: If a Warm Fairy comes here, you will send them back.
(He stared long and hard at the Keeper, and the elderly fairy dropped his gaze)
Dewey: Of course.
(Up above on the floating snowflake, Tinker Bell and Periwinkle exchanged a worried look. This didn't sound good)
Lord Milori: Thank you. (Turning to leave)
(Once he was out of sight, the snowflake Tinker Bell and Periwinkle were on descended to the floor. The Keeper turned to Tinker Bell sadly)
Dewey: Well, you heard the Lord Milori. He said you must go back home.
(He paused and thought for a moment)
Dewey: Of course, he didn't say when.
(The sisters hugged and cheered, happy to have more time to spend together)
Dewey: Now, listen, you two, it gets colder in five days' time after the dark, so it's best to get Tinker Bell home before the fifth moonlight.
(Periwinkle gave the Keeper a big hug)
Periwinkle: Thank you, Dewey.
(Tinker Bell glanced at her sister, confused)
Tinker Bell: Dewey.
(What did that mean?)
Periwinkle: That's his real name.
Dewey: It's what my friends call me.
(A big smile spread across Tinker Bell's face)
Tinker Bell: Thank you.
Dewey: Dewey.
Tinker Bell: Dewey.
(They started to leave the hall)
Periwinkle: So, um, I'm a Frost Fairy. I frost things.
Tinker Bell: Oh. I'm a Tinker. I…
Periwinkle: Tinker things.
Tinker Bell: Yep. I even made this coat.
Periwinkle: Oh, I like it.
Tinker Bell: Thanks.
PERIWINKLE: You're welcome.
Dewey: (CHUCKLES) Sisters.
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. It seemed even more spectacular to Tinker Bell now that her sister was showing her around. They went to see Pixie Dust Well, similar to the one at the Pixie Dust Tree)
Periwinkle: It's amazing. The pixie dust travels all the way from the Pixie Dust Tree. Kind of like you did.
(Then they visited the icicles)
Tinker Bell: Terence and I barely escaped the pirate ship!
Periwinkle: Is she your boyfriend?
Tinker Bell: Uh…
(They came to the ice skating area)
Periwinkle: So Lizzy loves fairies?
Tinker Bell: Yeah. She even built a fairy house. That's how I met her. You see, me and Vidia…
(She slipped on the ice and she and Periwinkle laughed)
(INT. PERIWINKLE'S HOUSE — DAY. Periwinkle showed Tink her room, and opened a drawer full of lost objects that she had collected. Tinker Bell pulled a skate from the treasures)
Tinker Bell: You collect lost things, too?
Periwinkle: I call them found things.
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. The two sisters went ice skating. Tink wasn't very steady on her feet, but Periwinkle was patient and helped her sister glide across the pond. Later, they tried snowboarding…and wound up landing in a heap among the trees)
McClain Sisters: *I never knew I lost you till I found you
*And you'd never guess how close you are to me
*Now I want to throw my arms around you
*Tell a thousand tales that will astound you
*Everything about you tells me this was meant to be
(When the two fairies grew tired, they sat on a branch to rest. Down below, a snowflake fairy was busy twirling a handful of snow high in the air as if it were a pizza. Then he expertly poked out a pattern in the frosty crystal. Each flake she made floated gently past Tinker Bell and Periwinkle, and no two were alike)
McClain Sisters: *Don't you see? I'm on your side
*Let's take this ride
*And together we're facing the world
*Doing things nobody's done before
*And the great divide
*Doesn't seem so wide
*Anymore
(Tinker Bell sighed. This was the best day ever!)
(EXT. FROST FOREST, THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Periwinkle took Tinker Bell to see her friends GLISS and SPIKE)
Periwinkle: This is the Frost Forest.
TINKER BELL: Wow.
Periwinkle: That's Gliss.
(She pointed to a fairy a short distance away. The two sisters didn't want to get caught, so they were hiding behind a snowy branch where the other fairies couldn't see them)
Gliss: Come on, Spike. Practice.
Spike: Okay, okay. Practicing.
Periwinkle: And that's Spike. She's a bit…
(Just then, Tinker Bell slipped and fell onto a snowdrift below. Periwinkle flew to catch her, and they both wound up sliding right into Gliss and Spike's arms!)
Periwinkle: Hi.
(When the two sisters had explained everything. Spike and Gliss looked at them in disbelief)
Spike: Sisters?
Gliss: Well, I think it's fantastic!
(She took a deep breath and stood back to examine the two fairies)
Gliss: Wow, you two look exactly alike! I mean, expect for your clothes and your hair and Peri's a bit more pale. But your noses are very similar.
(Spike shook her head)
Spike: Forget their noses. She's a Warm Fairy. In winter!
Gliss: (GASPS) You're right. We got to show her around!
(She smiled at Tinker Bell)
Gliss: Oh, oh, oh! Let's take her ice-sliding! Come on, Spike!
(Periwinkle turned to her sister with a knowing twinkle in her eye)
Periwinkle: You are going to love this!
Tinker Bell: It sounds fun.
Spike: Yeah. Great idea. Push the Warm Fairy down a hill of ice.
(They didn't answer)
Spike: Okay, well, wait for me, you guys.
(Soon, all four fairies were teetering at the top of a high frozen waterfall aboard a toboggan)
McClain Sisters: *And if you'll be there beside me when I falter
*Then whatever comes I know we'll take it all in stride
Periwinkle: Ready, set, slide!
(Tink shrieked in delight as they went racing down the icy hill. She couldn't remember ever having this much fun in her life)
McClain Sisters: *I'm on your side
*I'm on your side
*Let's take this ride
*And together we're facing the world
*Doing things nobody's done before
*And the great divide
*Doesn't seem so wide
*Anymore*
(As the sisters were covered in a snow pile:)
PETER: By the time you read this, I will be safety on an airplane flying home.
(INT. ALPINE HOTEL — GERMANY — DAY. CLOSE ON a handwritten NOTE)
Peter: (O.S.) I'm so sorry for what I did.
(We DISSOLVE into Wendy's voice)
WENDY: "I don't want to be the cause of you losing any more races. I want you to go prove to the world what I already know. That you are the greatest girl in the whole wide world. Your best friend, Peter."
(Wendy takes this in)
Wendy: I didn't really want him to leave.
Bupkus: (SOBS)
Pound: Wait, there's more here. (reads) "PS. Please tell the hotel "I didn't mean to order that movie. "I thought it was just a preview and I didn't realize I was paying for it. "PPS. That's funny right there. PP." (to the others) There are a few more pages of PS's here.
Wendy: Well, at least I know if he's at home, he'll be safe.
(INT. TRAIN CAR — DAY. As the train pulled away from Hauptbahnhof station en route, Dominic read the newspaper)
DOMINIC: Look at that. "Muppets sell out in Berlin." Five stars!
(The Muppets (Walter, Animal, Fozzie, Floyd, Piggy, Janice, Zoot, Rowlf, Link, Gonzo, Scooter) all cheered)
Constantine: Kermit the Frog is liking this news.
(EXT. NORWAY FJORDS — DUSK. Beauregard peeks out the engine car)
Beauregard: Choo-choo, yeah! (CHUCKLES) Ooh, tunnel.
(He gets hit by a sign, a sack, and a pigeon)
(INT. TRAIN COMPARTMENT — DUSK. Meanwhile, the crooks hid in a car on the Muppet train. Constantine removed the painting of Colonel Thomas Blood from his bag and turned it over. It was blank)
CONSTANTINE: (GROANS) It's not there. You were wrong!
Dominic: Not so fast. Oldest trick in the book.
(He pulled an iron from his bag. Once hot, he ironed the back of the painting. An ancient-looking map slowly appeared)
Dominic: Write it in lemon juice, then simply apply heat to reveal Colonel Blood's map.
(Sure enough, the map was entitled "How to Steal the Crown Jewels of England. Secret Tunnels of the Tower of London, drawn by Thomas Blood, Colonel 1670." Underneath the diagram, a set of symbols read: KEY + LOCKET + JEWELS)
(Thomas Blood nearly stole the Crown Jewels. His second-in-command, Godfrey the Unknown, betrayed him)
Constantine: Mmm…
Dominic: Of course, today, the Crown Jewels lie behind the most location security system in the planet. And this map, along with Blood's key and locket, is the only way to get close to them.
Constantine: Good work, Number Two. What does it say about location of Blood's key?
Dominic: Right. Something, something. "Finest wooden teeth."
Constantine: That is not helpful.
(He scanned the page and found something)
Dominic: Wait. There's the name of a city here. Madrid.
(As soon as he was able, he booked the next one on the Muppet tour–in Madrid, Spain–and made the announcement to the group)
(EXT. GULAG 38B, SIBERIA, RUSSIA — DAY (TIMELINE: 07:12). Thousands of miles away, the van transporting Kermit arrived at the gulag)
KERMIT: You've got the wrong frog!
(EXT. MAIN PRISON YARD, GULAG 38B — DAY. Kermit was put in the main prison yard with the worst of the worst: the PRISON KING, MISS POOGY, DANNY TREJO, and BIG PAPA)
Prison King: It's Constantine.
Kermit: What?
Prison King: He's back.
(All the prisoners kneeled and bowed down to Kermit)
(Kermit looked at all the down and dirty folks around him)
Kermit: What are you doing? I'm not Constantine. I don't know who that is. My name is Kermit.
Danny Trejo: Constantine, always with the jokes!
(The prisoners all thought that was hilarious)
Miss Poogy: Good old Constantine. Always trying to pull a fast one. (LAUGHING)
(The Prison King stepped up to Kermit)
Prison King: Old friend, it's been too long. Since you are back, I guess you are in charge of prison again. Here, take prison crown.
(He held out a handmade crown made of sporks)
Prison King: We have to readjust it again. Sergei, you get on that. Take, take.
(They all left)
Kermit: Oh, thank you. Uh… (CLEARS THROAT)
(The prisoners all fell silent, in shock)
(Uh-oh, though Kermit. What did I do wrong?)
(Finally, Big Papa spoke up)
Big Papa: Wait a minute. I've known Constantine for years.
Prison King: And he has never…
Danny Trejo: Ever…
Miss Poogy: Said, "Thank you."
Kermit: Because I am not Constantine.
(The Prison King stepped up again and sniffed him)
Prison King: How dare you?
MISS POOGY: He's not Constantine!
(He took the crown from Kermit. The prisoners went wild)
Big Papa: Let's throw him in the recycling compacter!
(Kermit screamed as the prisoners rushed toward him)
MISS POOGY: Throw him in the compacter!
Kermit: But I'm already green!
MISS POOGY: Squash that frog!
(Suddenly…)
NADYA: Put the frog down.
(He turned to discover that the voice belonged to a beautiful but hardened Russian guard. Her name was COMRADE NADYA. She held a stun gun and used it on the other prisoners)
Nadya: Or I will deploy.
(Kermit was dropped on the ground)
(Nadya helped Kermit up)
Kermit: (WHIMPERING) Where am I?
Nadya: The Gulag.
Kermit: A gulag?
Prison King: Gulag. The Big House.
Danny Trejo: Casa Grande!
All: The Big House!
Nadya: Hit it, boys.
("The Big House")
Prisoners: (VOCALIZING)
Nadya: *This is Russia's premier stated funded hotel
*We're very proud of our eclectic clientele
*Excellence in service since 1932
*Don't believe what you read in the online reviews
(INT. PRISON HALLWAY, GULAG 38B — DAY. Nadya takes Kermit on a tour)
Nadya: *It's the Big House
*The perfect getaway
*Welcome into the Big House
*You'll never get away
*It's no Hilton or no Hyatt
*But you will have a riot
*So please enjoy your stay
Prisoner: *Bah-dah-dah
Nadya: *Here's the dining room the menu is minimal
*What the cook does to the food is criminal
*Pull up a seat frog, grab yourself a stool
*May I recommend you try our famous gruel
Nadya: *In the Big House
*You'll never be alone
*Life ain't bad in the Big House
*No froggy, no
Nadya: *Check out after ten
*Or eleven years
*Make yourself at home
(She led Kermit outside)
Nadya: *Accommodation here is far superior
*Than anything else you will find in Siberia
*Let me know if there's anything you need
*Everything's free, money back guaranteed
MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISONER: *In the Big House you will not survive
*When you arrive in the Big House, run for your live
Nadya: *(MIMICKING TRUMPET)
MUPPET PRISONER: *Two, three, four
Nadya: *It's the Big House
*The perfect getaway
*Welcome into the Big House
*You'll never get away
*For your sorority
*I'll keep the only key
*Now please enjoy your stay*
(She walked him to his cell and throw him in. Now Kermit was behind bars!)
Kermit: Listen, I'm telling you, you've got the wrong frog!
Nadya: If you are not Constantine, why do you have that mole?
Kermit: It's not real. Someone glued it to my lip.
Nadya: Sure, frog. Everyone is innocent in a gulag. As far as authorities are concerned, you are Constantine. Glue or no glue.
Kermit+: Who is this Constantine guy anyway?
(Nadya took a deep breath and explained)
Nadya+: Abandoned as tadpole by his mother, Constantine was adopted by owner Russia's largest bomb factory, which he subsequently blew up. He is world's foremost explosives expert and number one criminal. He blows up the scenes of his crimes to cover his tiny frog-sized tracks.
Kermit+: Well, listen, I can assure you I'm terrified of bombs. Especially on stage. (CHUCKLES)
(He instantly realized his joke bombed)
Nadya+: That was bad on two levels.
Kermit: (SIGHS)
Nadya: Make yourself comfortable. You're going to be here a while.
(She turned to leave)
Kermit: I wouldn't be so sure. My friends will be here soon!
NADYA: Now, lights out!
(The hallway went black and Nadya fell down in the dark)
Nadya: Turn them back on! I can't see anything.
(The lights went back on and Nadya helped himself up)
Nadya: You have to wait until I'm, like, out of the hallway. It's figure of speech.
(Since Nadya was out of sight, the lights went black again)
(EXT. THE FJORD FOREST — DAY. Anna rides her fjord horse through two feet of snow. She shivers)
ANNA: Elsa! Elsa! (shivering) Elsa, it's me, Anna, your sister who didn't mean to make you freeze the summer. I'm sorry. (SHIVERING) It's all my fault.
(LATER: Anna and the horse struggle through a wooded area)
Anna: Of course, none of it would have happened if she had just told me her secret.
(CHUCKLES) She's a stinker.
(A branch of a nearby tree snaps and startles the horse. Anna goes flying off, lands face down in the snow. She sits up. Spits out snow. Sees the horse running away)
Anna: Oh, no. No, no, no! Come back! No, no, no! (SHIVERING) Okay.
(He doesn't come back. Anna grabs onto a branch of a leaning conifer, tries to pull herself to her feet, but the tree snaps upright and releases all its snow onto her. GROAN)
(EXT. MOUNTAIN — NIGHT. The Northern Lights shine as Anna struggles, out of breath, reaching the top of a hill)
Anna: (PANTING) Snow. It had to be snow. She couldn't have had tropical magic that covered the fjords in white sand and warm...
(She sees smoke rising up in the distance)
Anna: Fire! (CHUCKLES) (SHRIEKING)
(Anna goes tumbling down the hill. She lands with a crash in an icy stream at the bottom)
Anna: (from inside the snowball) (SHIVERING) Cold, cold, cold, cold, cold. (CONTINUES SHIVERING)
(Anna shuffles up to the small building and stable, his coat frozen stiff. Anna shakes the snow off a sign and reads:)
Anna: "Wandering Oaken's Trading Post".
(Snow drops off a smaller sign. She reads it, happily)
Anna: Ooh. "And Sauna"!
(INT. WANDERING OAKEN'S TRADING POST & SAUNA — NIGHT. Anna steps cautiously through the door--which hits her frozen back and knocks her into the center of the shop. She looks around, sees only summer supplies)
Oaken: (O.S.) Yoo-hoo.
(Anna turn to see a bright-faced fellow sitting low behind the counter, fingers tapping tip to tip)
Oaken: Big summer blowout. Half off swimming suits, clogs, and a sun balm of my own invention, yah?
Anna: Oh. Great. For now, um, how about boots? Winter boots and dresses?
Oaken: (slight disappointment) That would be in our winter department.
(The winter department contains one outfit, a pick ax, and a lonely pair of boots)
Anna: Oh. Um… I was just wondering. Has another young woman. The queen, perhaps, I don't know, passed through here?
(She brings the clothes and boots to the counter)
Oaken: Only one crazy enough to be out in this storm is you, dear.
(The front door suddenly blows open and in walks a mass of a mountain man covered in ice. Underneath is KRISTOFF)
Oaken: You and two fellows. Yoo-hoo. Big summer blowout.
(Kristoff walks right up to Anna)
KRISTOFF: Carrots.
Anna: Huh?
Kristoff: Behind you.
Anna: Oh! Right. Excuse me.
(Anna moves out of Kristoff's way. He grabs a bunch of carrots, tosses them on the counter, then moves through the place, gathering other supplies)
Oaken: (to Kristoff) A real howler in July, yes? Wherever could it be coming from?
KRISTOFF: The North Mountain.
Anna: (to himself) North Mountain.
(Kristoff brings his supplies to the counter. Oaken counts on his fingertips)
Oaken: That'll be 40.
Kristoff: Forty? No, 10.
Oaken: (sweet as pie) Oh, dear, that's no good. See these are from our winter stock, where supply and demand have a big problem.
Kristoff: You want to talk about a supply and demand problem? I sell ice for a living.
(Kristoff motions out the window, where we see the blocks of ice on his sleigh, covered in snow)
Anna: Ooh. That's a rough business to be in right now. (CHUCKLES) I mean, that is really… (he shoots her a look) (CLEARS THROAT) That's unfortunate.
Oaken: Still 40. But I will throw in a visit to Oaken's sauna. Yoo-hoo! Hi, family.
(Kristoff and Anna turn to see a naked family waving through the window of the steaming sauna)
Naked Family: Yoo-hoo!
Kristoff: Ten is all I got. Help me out.
Oaken: Okay. (isolating the carrots) Ten will get you this and no more.
(Kristoff seethes. Stalemate)
Anna: Okay, just tell me one thing. What was happening on the North Mountain? Did it seem magical?
(Kristoff pulls down his scarf and gives Anna a firm answer)
Kristoff: (EXHALES) Yes! Now, back up while I deal with this crook here.
(Oaken stands up, revealing his seven-foot stature)
Oaken: What did you call me?
(EXT. WANDERING OAKEN'S TRADING POST AND SAUNA — NIGHT. Oaken stomps out the door, carrying Kristoff with one arm)
KRISTOFF: Okay, okay. I'm out.
(Oaken throws Kristoff, who face-plants in the snow)
Oaken: Bye bye.
(Oaken slams the door. Kristoff sits up. His reindeer, Sven, canters over, snorts, and nudges him, expectantly)
Kristoff: No, Sven, I didn't get your carrots.
(Sven huffs in his face. Kristoff turns away and sees something. He points to a dilapidated barn)
Kristoff: But I did find us a place to sleep. And it's free.
(INT. WANDERING OAKEN'S TRADING POST AND SAUNA — NIGHT. Anna stands watching Oaken and all his great height as he squeezes behind the counter and sits down low again)
Oaken: (teddy bear) I'm sorry about this violence. I will add a quart of lutefisk, so we'll have good feelings. Just the outfit and boots, yah?
Anna: Uh…
(Anna looks between Kristoff's supplies and the door)
(INT. OAKEN'S STABLE — NIGHT. Kristoff relaxes on a bed of hay, playing his lute and singing to (and for) Sven)
("Reindeers Are Better Than People")
Kristoff: *Reindeers are better than people
*Sven, don't you think that's true?
*(throwing his voice) (as Sven) "Yeah, people will beat you and curse you and cheat you"
*"Every one of them's bad, except you"
Oh, thanks, buddy.
*But people smell better than reindeers
*Sven, don't you think I'm right?
*(as Sven) "That's once again true, for all except you"
*You got me. Let's call it a night
*(as Sven) "Good night"
*Don't let the frostbite bite*
(The door opens. Anna enters)
Anna: Nice duet.
(Kristoff sits up with a start…sees who it is)
Kristoff: (SIGHS) It's just both of you. What do you want?
Anna: I want you to take me up the North Mountain.
Kristoff: I don't take people places.
(He lays back down, closes his eyes)
Anna: Let me rephrase that.
(A sack of supplies lands in Kristoff's lap)
Kristoff: (GROANS) Hey.
(He sits up. Looks in the bag)
Anna: Take me up the North Mountain. Please.
(He eyes them. He clearly doesn't take orders)
Anna: Look, I know how to stop this winter.
(He considers, lies back down, pulls his hat over his eyes)
Kristoff: We leave at dawn. And you forgot the carrots for Sven.
(A bag of carrots hits Kristoff in the face)
Kristoff: (GRUNTS)
Anna: Oops, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't… (CLEARS THROAT) (catching herself) We leave now. Right now.
(She steps back outside and waits, anxiously. Annoyed, Kristoff offers Sven a carrot. Sven has a bite. Then Kristoff has a bite, contemplating)
(EXT. MOUNTAIN HIGH, THE WINTER WOODS — NIGHT. Sven races, top speed, up a narrow cliff, pulling the sleigh, which skids precariously. Kristoff mans the reins. Anna sits beside him)
Kristoff: (trying to scare Anna) Hang on! We like to go fast.
Anna: (fearless) I like fast.
(Anna leans back and puts her feet up on the dashboard)
Kristoff: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa… Get your feet down.
(He pushes her feet down)
Kristoff: This is fresh lacquer. Seriously, were you raised in a barn?
(Kristoff spits on the dash to clean it. The spit flies back and hits Anna in the face)
Anna: (grossed out) Ugh! No, I was raised in a castle.
(She wipes off her face)
KRISTOFF: So, uh, tell me, (to Anna) what made the queen go all ice-crazy?
Anna: Oh. Well… It was all my fault. I got engaged, but then she freaked out, because I'd only just met her, you know, that day. And she said I wouldn't bless the marriage, and…
Kristoff: Wait. You got engaged to someone you just met that day?
Anna: Yeah. Anyway, I got mad, and so she got mad, and then she tried to walk away, and I grabbed her glove…
Kristoff: Hang on! You mean to tell me you got engaged to someone you just met that day?
Anna: Yes. Pay attention. But the thing is, she wore the gloves all the time, so I just thought, maybe she has a thing about dirt.
Kristoff: Didn't your parents ever warn you about strangers?
(Anna eyes Kristoff up and down, then slides)
Anna: Yes, they did. But Hans is not a stranger.
Kristoff: Oh, yeah? What's his last name?
Anna: (SCOFFS) "Of the Southern Isles."
Kristoff: What's his favorite food?
Anna: Sandwiches.
Kristoff: Best friend's name?
Anna: Probably John.
Kristoff: Eye color?
Anna: Dreamy.
Kristoff: Foot size?
Anna: Foot size doesn't matter.
Kristoff: Have you had a meal with him yet? What if you hate the way he eats? What if you hate the way he picks his nose?
Anna: Picks his nose?
Kristoff: And eats it.
Anna: Excuse me, sir. He is a prince.
Kristoff: All men do it.
Anna: Ew. Look, it doesn't matter. It's true love.
Kristoff: It doesn't sound like true love.
Anna: (SCOFFS) Are you some sort of love expert?
Kristoff: No. But, uh, I have friends who are.
Anna: You have friends who are love experts? I'm not buying it.
(Sven suddenly stops, ears perked in alarm)
Kristoff: (to Anna) Stop talking.
Anna: No, no, no. No, no. I'd like to meet these…
(Kristoff clamps his hand over Anna's mouth)
Kristoff: No, I mean it.
(Kristoff stands, looks into the dark woods surrounding them. Sensing them behind them, he holds up his lantern. Its light reflects off…EYES. Several)
Kristoff: Sven, go. Go!
(Sven takes off)
Anna: What are they?
Kristoff: Wolves.
(Flashes of white dark through the woods. Kristoff hops into the sleigh, grabs a torch. Lights it)
Anna: Wolves? What do we do?
Kristoff: I got this. You just… Don't fall off, and don't get eaten.
Anna: But I want to help!
Kristoff: No.
Anna: Why not?
Kristoff: Because I don't trust your judgment.
Anna: Excuse me?
Kristoff: Who marries a man you just met?
(Anna grabs the lute, swings it right at Kristoff's head)
Anna: It's true love!
(He screams, as he…BAM!…swings past Kristoff and knocks a wolf away)
Kristoff: (shocked) Whoa!
(Just then, Kristoff is yanked off the sleigh by another wolf. The torch goes flying. Anna catches it, shocked)
Anna: Christopher!
(Kristoff grabs onto a loose rope hanging from the back of the sleigh and holds on for dear life as he's dragged behind)
Kristoff: It's "Kristoff"!
(A wolf jumps on Kristoff's back)
Kristoff: Ow! (YELPS)
(Anna thinks fast, uses the torch to light a blanket on fire)
Anna: Duck!
(Anna throws the flaming blanket right at him. He ducks. The blanket hits the wolves. They tumble off Kristoff)
Kristoff: You almost set me on fire!
(Anna reaches out a hand, pulls Kristoff back onto the sleigh)
Anna: But I didn't.
(Sven cried out. There is a massive gorge ahead)
Anna: Get ready to jump, Sven!
Kristoff: You don't tell him what to do.
(Kristoff shoves a satchel into Anna's arms then scoops them up)
Kristoff: I do!
(Kristoff tosses Anna onto Sven, then unhooks Sven's harness from the sleigh)
Kristoff: Jump, Sven!
(Sven jumps the gorge with Anna on his back)
(Kristoff goes flying off behind them, still on the sleigh)
(Anna and Kristoff land safely on the other side of the gorge)
(Kristoff's sleigh loses momentum. It's not going to make it. He leaps off. He flaps his arms, claws at the air)
(He slams into the snowy edge of the cliff. Hanging by his hands, he looks down to see his sleigh hit the ground far below and burst into flames)
Kristoff: (shocked sadness) But I just paid it off.
(Suddenly, he starts to slip. He claws at the loose snow, but it's clearly hopeless. He's going down)
Kristoff: Uh-oh. No. No. No!
(To make matters worse, an AXE comes flying right at his face)
Kristoff: Ah! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
(The axe slams into the snow, inches from his nose)
ANNA: Grab on!
(Kristoff grabs on)
Anna: Pull, Sven. Pull!
(REVEAL: The axe is tied to a rope, then wrapped around Sven. Anna helps Sven pull Kristoff to safety)
(Kristoff rolls onto his back, exhausted. Anna peeks down at the burning sleigh)
Anna: Whoa.
(KRISTOFF GROANS)
Anna: I'll replace your sled, and everything in it. And I understand if you don't want to help me anymore.
(Anna walks off, sadly. Sven comes over and nuzzles Kristoff)
Kristoff: Of course I don't want to help them anymore. In fact, this whole thing has ruined me for helping anyone ever again.
ANNA: It's this way?
Kristoff: (as Sven) "She'll die on her own." I can live with that.
(Through their conversation, they watch Anna go the wrong way…turn, go the other wrong way, turn, trip…)
ANNA: Here we go.
Kristoff: (as Sven) "But you won't get your new sled if she's dead."
ANNA: I think, actually, it's up.
Kristoff: (knowing he's got a point) Sometimes, I really don't like you.
(Sven licks Kristoff happily)
Kristoff: (to Anna) Hold up! We're coming.
Anna: (excited) You are? I mean, sure. I'll let you tag along. (CHUCKLES)
(INT. TRAIN COMPARTMENT, EN ROUTE TO SPAIN — NIGHT. Dominic and Constantine figured out their next step)
(Dominic read from the back of the painting)
DOMINIC: Okay. It seems that Blood's key is hidden in a marble bust of his accomplice, Godfrey the Unknown, which is kept in the Statue Room at the Prado Museum.
CONSTANTINE: Perfect. We break in, steal the bust, destroy it and grab key.
(Dominic shook his head)
Dominic: Yeah, it's not that simple. You see, no one knows what Godfrey the Unknown looked like.
Constantine: (LAUGHS) Of course not. He was second in command, so no one cared.
(Dominic, being second-in-command himself, didn't like the sound of that)
Dominic: And there's 250 statues in that room.
Constantine: That may be problem. Let me think, Number Two. (BREATHES DEEPLY) Hmm…
(Just then, Piggy and Foo Foo interrupted)
Miss Piggy: Excusez-moi, Kermie. Do you have a moment?
(Constantine just stared out the window, thinking)
Dominic: Kermit.
(Piggy began)
Miss Piggy: I just wanted to say that I accept your apology and I'm ready to put our little disagreement or whatever it was, behind us. And, perhaps, I was a little too eager about the wedding. So for the next few weeks, maybe we should just…
Constantine: Pig, I have question. Am I wearing sign that says "Bother Me"?
(In shock, Piggy burst into tears and slammed the door on her way out)
Dominic: What was that? What was that?
Constantine: Uh… I was in the middle of evilly plotting. I do not like to be interrupted while evilly plotting.
(Dominic sighed)
Dominic: If we're to get away with this, you've got to keep up appearances.
Constantine: I am keeping up appearances.
Dominic: If you want the Crown Jewels, stick to the plan. Do whatever the pig wants. Keep her happy. Whatever she asks of you.
Constantine: I'm not worried. What can she do?
(The door flew open. Piggy stood there, and she was fuming)
Miss Piggy: Okay, buster. You've gone too far this time. I was trying to make nice, and you threw it right back in my face. I quit!
(When Constantine saw that many of the Muppets were watching, he realized that Dominic was right. He had to keep the pig happy. He decided it was time for Phase Two: Romance)
(INT. PIGGY'S TRAIN CAR, TOUR TRAIN — NIGHT. Piggy was packing)
Miss Piggy: Stupid frog! Stupid train!
(Constantine walked in)
Miss Piggy: I don't want to talk to you, Kermit. I said, I want you out!
(Constantine stepped forward anyway)
Constantine: I don't think you know what you want.
Miss Piggy: Yeah, I do. I just told you, I…
Constantine: Shh. You're my lady and I'm your man, baby. And that's why, if you stick with me, I'll make your dreams come true. I can give you what you want. Hmm?
(And with that, Constantine won her over. Too bad she didn't know it wasn't the real Kermit the Frog)
("I'll Get You What You Want (Cockatoo in Malibu)")
Constantine: *Baby, stop right there
*Let me clear the air
*Baby, look into these eyes
*Let me apologize
*I know what you're thinking of
*You're thinking where's the love
*Babe, the love ain't gone
*It's here where it belongs
*I know what you're waiting for
*Well, you don't need to wait no more
Constantine: *I can give you anything you want
*Give you anything you need
*I'll make your dreams come true
*Give you anything you want
*Fulfill your fantasies
*I'll make your dreams come true
Constantine: *You wanna unicorn, I'll give it to you
*You wanna puppy dog, I'll give it to you
*You want an ice cream cone, I'll give it you
*You want a mortgage loan, I'll give it to you
*You wanna satin pillow, I'll give it to you
*You want an armadillo, I'll give it to you
*You wanna diamond ring, I'll give it to you
*You wanna a thingy thing, I'll give it to you
*I know what you're waiting for
*Well you don't need to wait no more
Constantine+: *I can give you anything you want
*Give you anything you need
*I'll make your dreams come true
*Give you anything you want
*Fulfill your fantasies
*I'll make your dreams come true
Constantine+: *You wanna taste of fame, I'll give it to you
*You wanna little cupcake, I'll give it to you
*You wanna a cockatoo, I'll give it to you
*You wanna a kangaroo, I'll give it to you
*You wanna American car, I'll give it to you
*You wanna Hollywood star, I'll give it to you
*You wanna go to the moon
*I'll see what I can do
*I know what you're waiting for
*Well you don't need to wait no more
Constantine: *I can give you anything you want
*Give you anything you need
*I'll make your dreams come true
*Give you anything you want
*Fulfill your fantasies
*I'll make your dreams come true
*I'm singing
Rats: *Cockatoo
*Kangaroo
BOTH: *In Malibu
Constantine: *I'll give it to you, I'll make your dreams come true
Rats: *Cockatoo
*Kangaroo
BOTH: *In Malibu
Constantine: *I'll make your dreams come true*
(Mayhem was brewing among the Muppets (Penguin, Link, Gonzo, Janice, Floyd, Walter, Scooter, Fozzie) (and not the Electric kind!))
Miss Piggy: Kermie. You are what I've always wanted.
(All the Muppets kept asking Scooter what the set list was going to be for tomorrow's show. But he didn't know. So finally, he asked Constantine)
Scooter: Uh, excuse us.
Constantine: Hmm?
Scooter: But we are all wondering, what's the set list for tomorrow, chief?
Constantine: I don't care. Do whatever you want.
MISS PIGGY: What?
Scooter: Wait, what?
FLOYD: Is he serious?
Walter: That's not what…
(Gonzo's eyes grew large)
Gonzo: Uh, Kermit, could I do indoor running of the bulls?
Constantine: Sure, Zongo. Who cares?
Gonzo: Wow! Thank you, Kermit!
(Piggy put her hands on her hips)
Miss Piggy: Kermie, if he can do his thing, why can't I sing my five songs?
Constantine: Well… You can. Who cares?
Miss Piggy: Oh! Really?
(Scooter interrupted)
Scooter: We don't have time for all this stuff. We're up to a three-hour show, Kermit.
Constantine: You are forgetting one thing, small man with glasses. I can give you what you want.
Floyd: All right!
Scooter: Okay. Indoor running of the bulls.
(The Muppets were happy with the new show idea and ran off to get ready)
Walter: Won't the show be terrible? Uh… Guys?
(But they didn't answer)
Walter: (SIGHS) I'm so confused.
(INT. PRISON HALLWAY, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Kermit was trying to take the fake mole off of him. But it's too stuck. He write a line between four lines)
Kermit: Where are you guys? Looks like I'm gonna have to break out of here myself.
(He stares at the Piggy poster. He really misses her)
(EXT. ATOCHA STATION, MADRID, SPAIN — DAY (TIMELINE: 18:45). The train finally arrived in Madrid)
(INT. DRESSING ROOM, TEATRO COFIDIS, MADRID — NIGHT. Constantine is karate-chopping wood. Scooter poked his head into Constantine's dressing room)
Scooter+: Okay, Kermit, five minutes till showtime.
Constantine+: (BREATHING DEEPLY)
Scooter+: Uh… Kermit? Chief?
(When Scooter gives Constantine a tap on his shoulder, he instinctively grabbed Scooter's arm and flipped him over his shoulder with his best karate move)
Constantine+: Sorry.
(Scooter slowly got up)
Scooter+: Oh, uh, no problem, chief. Are you coming?
Constantine+: No. I refuse to perform. Do show without me.
(Luckily, Dominic was nearby and stepped in to help)
Dominic+: Sorry, one second. Can I just have a quick word?
Constantine+: No.
DOMINIC+: It's just, uh…
CONSTANTINE+: What?
(He pulled Constantine into the closet and shut the door)
DOMINIC+: Okay, you have to go, Number One.
CONSTANTINE+: No, you cannot make me go. You're the one who must go, Number Two.
(Scooter could hear the whole conversation)
DOMINIC+: I can't go. I don't need to go. You're the one who needs to go, Number One.
CONSTANTINE+: I have idea.
DOMINIC+: What?
CONSTANTINE+: We will both go together.
DOMINIC+: That would look weird. I'm begging you, go. Go, Number One.
(Constantine put his head in his hands)
CONSTANTINE+: I cannot. Not after what happened last time.
(He thought of the horrible stage fright he experienced)
(Outside the closet door, Scooter shook his head and walked away, thoroughly confused)
(Dominic looked him squarely in the face)
DOMINIC+: Look at this. This might help.
(INT. DRESSING ROOM, TEATRO COFIDIS, MADRID — NIGHT. To study Kermit's speech patterns, Constantine sat himself down in front of a TV and watched a VHS tape of the opening to The Muppet Show Episode 323: Lynn Redgrave)
Kermit (On TV): It's The Muppet Show, with our very special quest star, Lynn Redgrave. Yay!
(Constantine hit the STOP button and tried to mimic him)
Constantine: (IMITATING) Yes!
(Next, he flips the channel to the Reporter Kermit from the News Flash sketch: Nursery Rhyme: Little Miss Muffet from Sesame Street Episode 0680)
Kermit (On TV): Oh. Hi-ho! Kermit the Frog, here.
(Constantine hit the STOP button again)
Constantine: Hi-lo. Kermit the Frog here.
(Next, he flips the channel to the "Rainbow Connection" musical number from the 1979 film The Muppet Movie)
Kermit (On TV): *The lovers, the dreamers and me
(Constantine hit the STOP button again)
Constantine: *The lovers, the dreamers and cheese.*
(Constantine had no expression whatsoever and got the words wrong)
Constantine: Nailed it.
(He left the dressing room and headed toward the stage)
(INT. STAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. In the wings, Scooter looked on as the Muppets took their positions for the opening number. It was chaos)
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host, Kermit the Frog.
Scooter: (covering his eyes) I can't watch!
(Nearby, Constantine peeked out at the audience. Suddenly, he started to feel woozy. He tried to snap out of it)
Constantine: (to himself) You are the world's most dangerous frog. Now act like it.
(It worked. He snapped into focus, opened the "O" in the Muppet Show sign and announced the show)
Constantine: It's El Muppet Show, with our very special guest, Salma Hayek. Hey!
(The audience cheered, which made Constantine feel good. The Muppet Show sign raises and the curtains open. Two Mutations, Thog, and Sweetums appeared onstage)
("The Muppet Show Theme")
Female Muppets (Afghan Hound, Sheep, Annie Sue, Janice, Bird, Atric Player, Camilla, Wanda): *Que empiece ya la musica
*Que empieze el festival
*Ya están aquí los muppets
*Este show va a comenzar
Male Muppets (Dr. Julius Strangepork, the Swedish Chef, Lew Zealand, Crazy Harry, Beauregard, J.G., Wayne, Link, Beaker): *Ya toca maquillarse
*Hay que vestirse bien
*Que empiece ya la fiesta
Pepé: *¿Por qué venimos siempre
*A este terrible show?
*Esto es una tortura
*Y a casa yo me voy
Statler: Would you look at that?
Waldorf: No.
Statler: Good idea.
Constantine: *Que empiece ya la fiesta
All: *Es el más sensacional
*Espetacular
*Supercolosal
*Megapopular
*El show de Los Muppets va a empezar*
(The Muppet Show sign appears again and Gonzo's trumpet gag consists of the trumpet squirting snow and Gonzo subsequently shooting it towards the audience)
(Constantine came back out onstage)
Constantine: Yes! Hello and welcome to El Muppet Show. Please welcome our opening act, the Great Gonzo and the indoor running of the bulls!
(As the audience clapped, Constantine stood there, enjoying the applause)
Constantine+: Yes, yes. I am Kermit. Mm-hmm. Yes.
Scooter+: Okay, chief. Wrap it up.
Constantine+: One minute, please. (to audience) Let me drink it in. Ah…
(INT. BACKSTAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. Salma Hayek and Gonzo were all dressed up)
Salma: Gonzo? Gonzo, I don't want to do this.
Gonzo: What? This is gonna be great.
Salma: Are you sure about this?
Gonzo: Nope. Come on. Let's go.
(INT. BASEMENT, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. Dominic waited impatiently for Constantine. It was the same plan as before: Go from the theater basement into the museum basement next door)
Dominic: Where have you been?
Constantine: On stage.
Dominic: Why did the…
(Just then, they started to hear the bulls running above them)
(INT. STAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. The bulls ran around the stage. Gonzo rides on one of the bulls. However, they throws him off them)
(INT. BASEMENT, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. As the noise level rose, Constantine used dynamite to blow a hole in the wall)
(INT. BACKSTAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. Gonzo and Salma Hayek ran backstage)
Gonzo: The bulls are out of control! Who could have foreseen this?
Salma: Me. I did.
(Abruptly, she hear the bulls coming backstage)
Salma: Here they come again!
(She hurried away as fast as she can)
(INT. PRADO MUSEUM — NIGHT. Soon, Constantine and Dominic were inside the famed Prado museum, searching among 249 busts)
Dominic: Thomas Blood's key is hidden in one of these busts.
Constantine: It's time to get things started.
(INT. STAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. Scooter walked into the stage)
Scooter: Okay. Sorry about that, folks, but now put your hands together for Miss Piggy. Olé!
(The audience applauded as Piggy appears, vocalizing "Macarena")
Manolo & Carlo Flamingo: Ay! Ay! *Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
*Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria cosa buena
*Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
*Hey Macarena
Ay! Ay!
Miss Piggy: *Don't you worry about my boyfriend
*The boy whose name is Kermitino
(Walter couldn't believe it. Neither did Statler and Waldorf)
Statler: I don't believe it. They've managed the impossible. What an achievement! Bravo! Bravo!
Waldorf: What? You mean you actually like this show now?
Statler: No! They've made the show even worse!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Statler: Bravo! Bravo!
Waldorf: Amazing!
(INT. MUSEO DEL PRADO MUSEUM — NIGHT. The smashing began)
DOMINIC: Where is it?
CONSTANTINE: It's got to be here somewhere. Keep smashing, Number Two.
DOMINIC: What do you think I'm doing? I'm smashing.
CONSTANTINE: Where is that key?
(But there was no key. Dominic picked up the last one)
DOMINIC: The last one. It better be in here. This one says "A Man Forgotten by History." And he looks annoyed.
Constantine: He looks a little bit like you, Number Two.
(Dominic lifted up the bust and, with a whole lot of anger, smashed it. Among the debris, he found a large iron key. On it was written COLONEL BLOOD'S KEY)
DOMINIC: Colonel Blood's key.
CONSTANTINE: Nice of him to label it. So, where is the locket?
Dominic: (reading) "With Colonel Blood's key, the jewels may set you free. But it is Colonel Blood's locket that you will need in your pocket. To capture the jewels."
Constantine: That doesn't even rhyme.
Dominic: He was a thief, not a poet. Give him a break. There's more.
(Dominic read the back of Blood's portrait)
Dominic: (reading) "To him that seeks the locket faire look beneath the vaults of eire" Of course. Blood was Irish. And that's where Blood's locket is. In the vaults of the Irish National Bank.
(Constantine's lips twitched into a smile)
Constantine: Then I know where Muppet tour must stop next. Dublin.
(INT. STAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. The Electric Mayhem (Animal, Floyd, Janice, Zoot, Lips, Dr. Teeth) are in the jam session)
Animal: Drum solo!
(The Electric Mayhem played until the session ended. The audience woke up and cheered)
Dr. Teeth+: I knew audiences dug jam sessions.
(Walter watches from backstage)
Walter: A standing ovation?
CONSTANTINE: I am Kermit. I hope you enjoyed my show. I love you, Madrid!
(He moonwalked offstage, and the audience went wild)
(INT. BACKSTAGE, TEATRO COFIDIS — NIGHT. All the Muppets (Fozzie, Foo Foo, Piggy, Scooter, Walter, '80s Robot, Rizzo, Pepé, Janice, Rowlf) were surprised and buoyed by the applause. They were not used to such a great crowd)
Fozzie: Wow, what an audience! Great show, Kermit!
(Fozzie congratulated his friend once they were offstage)
Miss Piggy: They loved me, Kermie! They loved me!
(Walter scratched his head, thinking about the runaway bulls and Piggy's five musical numbers)
WALTER: Guys? I'm not sure that was such a great show.
Janice: Like, what are you talking about? That jam was, like, totally epic.
Dominic: Exactly. And I'm glad to say the Spanish reviewers disagree with you as well, Walter. They loved us. Five out of five jamón serranos.
(Piggy picked up the paper)
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie, I'm so happy. Look at these reviews. I've never been so happy. Thank you, Kermie. Thank you.
(She covered Constantine's face in kisses)
Constantine: I do it all for you, my dear. Because you and me, we are meant to be together forever.
(Walter couldn't believe it)
Walter: Those reviews really came out fast.
(In his head, he thought it was too fast. Something was fishy)
Pepé: And Citizen Kane only got four jamón serranos.
(Before anyone could say another word, Dominic announced)
DOMINIC: And more good news. Pack up, everyone. I've booked our next gig. In Dublin.
(Walter thought that was great news, since it would take some time to travel to Dublin)
Walter: Oh, great! Now we all have time to rehearse.
(He certainly didn't want another show like the one they just had)
Dominic: Rehearse? Let's celebrate.
Rizzo: Yeah!
(Constantine looked at the assembled Muppets)
CONSTANTINE: Yes! You deserve it, comrades! Go do whatever you want.
(EXT. SHARP MOUNTAIN RIDGE — DAWN. Kristoff, Sven, and Anna walk on a narrow rim of a mountain)
(EXT. MOUNTAIN FOREST CLEARING — DAY. As they step out of the thick trees, Anna catches sight of something far below)
Anna: (ANNA GASPS) Arendelle.
Kristoff: It's completely frozen.
Anna: (SIGHS) But it will be fine. Elsa will thaw it.
Kristoff: Will she?
Anna: (uncertain) Yeah. Now, come on. This way to the North Mountain?
(She points straight ahead)
Kristoff: (CHUCKLES) More like this way.
(He points her finger up towards a perilously mighty mountain)
(EXT. THE VALLEY, SPAIN — MORNING. All around the valley, the glacial dams were weakening. Glacier Fountain was already underwater, and throughout the world, the ground was becoming soft and mushy. The creatures had to press on toward the boat the Lone Gunslinger had spoken of, trying to avoid the sinkholes and falling debris)
(Sid serenaded them with her silvery voice)
Sid: *Some day, when you're gonna sing
*When you make us sing
Manny: Shut up, SId.
Sid: Okay.
(Sid switched to a perkier tune)
Sid: *Stop, hey-hey, what's that sound?
*All the mammoths are in the ground
Manny: Stop singing, Sid!
(Sid kept pestering her)
Sid: *If your species will continue, clap your hands
(Clap, clap)
*If you species will…
Manny: Sid, I'm gonna fall on you again, and this time I will kill you.
Sid: Okay. Someone doesn't like the classics.
(EXT. SPAIN — MORNING. Manny stopped and gazed at multiple reflections of his face in the dripping icicles on the branches of a tree)
Manny: What if they're right? What if I am a last mammoth?
Sid: But, Manny, look at the bright side. You have us!
Diego: Not your most persuasive argument, Tink.
(Suddenly, Manny's ears perked up. Could it be? Was that a familiar sound she heard in the distance?)
(Diego heard it too)
Diego: Mammoths?
Manny: I knew he couldn't be the last one! I felt it in my gut!
(He grabbed Sid, plunked him on his back, and charged through the forest, with Diego galloping close behind)
Sid: (BLUBBERING) Whoa! Whoa!
(Sid ducked to avoid crashing into low-hanging branches)
(Manny plows down down bushes and small tree in his path)
Manny: Extinct! Come on!
(Sid crouched against Manny's back like a jockey in the final stretch of the big race)
Sid: He's coming around the corner, and he's up by a couple of fifths. He's ahead by tusks! Oh, he's beating Diego! Diego's gonna go to the corner!
(Manny screeched to a stop, and Sid was catapulted through the air. He landed on his face and slid through the mud)
Sid: Ow! Ow! Ooh! (GROANS)
(The horn sounded again just inches from his face. He looked up to see a wide-angle view of a bear's rear end. It was CHOLLY the chalicotherium with a bad case of gas!)
Cholly: Sorry. My stomach hates me.
(The trumpet sounded again)
(Diego coughed and sputtered in disgust)
Diego: Oh. Phew!
Sid: Don't that put the "stink" in "extinction." (EXCLAIMS) Nasty!
(Manny turned away in despair, his last glimmer of hope extinguished)
SID: Manny?
Manny: I, uh… I need to be alone for a while. You go on ahead. I'll catch up.
(Sid and Diego hated to see their friend suffering)
Sid: One truly is the loneliest number.
(As he and Diego walked away, a barrage of pebbles began whizzing toward them)
Sid: Ow!
Diego: Ow! Hey!
(Diego looked over his shoulder and spied two possums, CRASH and EDDIE, hanging from a branch by tails. They each had one of Fast Tony's dried-out reeds, and they were using them like pea shooters)
Crash: Ooh! These work great!
(Whap! He hit Diego again)
Eddie: Cool.
(Diego leaped toward them)
(The possum brothers jumped down from the tree and dove into a nearby burrow)
Eddie: Missed me! Missed me! Now you gotta kiss me!
SID: I'll get them.
(He dive head first into the hole)
(EXT. THE BURROW — MORNING. Crash popped up out of a hole nearby, studied Sid's rear end)
Crash: Which end is up?
Eddie: I'd hide that face too.
(He went under and popped his head out of the burrow's exit)
(Sid sprinted after Eddie. Too late! Eddie dove back down and popped up again out of another hole)
(Crash sprang out of yet another hole behind them)
Crash: Hey, ugly.
(Sid had poked his head down in the tub looking for Crash, and his backside was up in the air again. The perfect target! Crash shot another pebble)
Sid: Ow! I gotta sit on that!
(The two possums vanished and popped up again in different holes. They took aim and started pelting Sid with pebbles again)
(Diego came up behind them)
Diego: Boo.
(BOTH SCREAM)
(The possums quickly shoots at him and ducking back underground)
Sid: Okay, I'm going in!
(But before he could reach the hole, the possums stretched their tails across the ground and tied them together. Sid tripped over the makeshift rope and landed on Diego)
Diego: Sid!
Sid: What?
(Up and down the possums went, with sloth and tiger in hot pursuit)
Crash: Nice miss!
Sid: Cover your side.
Crash: Ooh! I felt some breeze on that one.
(Finally, they heard Crash call out)
Crash: Over here!
(The two friends sprang toward him at once and collided, head-to-head, just as the wily possums disappeared down the hole again)
Crash: Surrender?
Both: Never!
Eddie: Cool!
(There was a long pause while Crash and Eddie stayed hidden underground. Sid and Diego looked at each other, wondering if the game was over. Suddenly, Crash and Eddie sprang out of the ground)
CRASH: Smoke them!
(They pelted them with a rain of pebbles as the possums somersaulted over their head like gymnasts)
(Sid and Diego made a lunge for them, but the two possums darted out of reach and ran up a nearby hill, laughing)
(Diego and Sid collapsed on the ground in exhaustion)
Diego: Anyone asks, there were 50 of them… And, uh, they were rattlesnakes.
Eddie: (LAUGHS) Here, kitty, kitty.
Diego: Big mistake, you miscreants.
Eddie: Miscreants?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Sid: Uh, Diego, they're possums.
(Diego rolled his eyes)
(From their hilltop refuge, Crash and Eddie began making chicken noises at them)
(The tiger assistant sprang after them, with the slightly slower sloth right behind them)
Crash: Retreat!
(EXT. SPAIN — DAY. Completely oblivious to the Whack-a-Possum game going on in the meadow, Manny stood forlornly on the riverbank gazing at the water)
Manny: I guess it's just you and me now.
(In his own lonely visage, he could see the face of his mother and father he had missed)
(But his sad memories were suddenly interrupted by the sound of a large branch cracking in the tree above. Suddenly, a shape plummeted down and stopped just before it hit the ground. There, right before his eyes, was a female mammoth bobbling up and down as if he were hanging at the end of a staff. Meet ELLIE)
Manny: (GASPS)
Ellie: (SCREAMS)
(The branch gave way, and Ellie crashed to the ground)
(Manny beamed)
Manny: I knew it! I knew I wasn't the only one!
Ellie: Me too! Everyone falls out of the tree every now and then. They just don't admit it.
Manny: Wait, what?
Ellie: Some of us have a tough time holding on to branches. It's not like we're bats or something. We don't have wings to keep us up.
(Manny looked at his best friend, more perplexed than ever)
Manny: And you were in the tree because…
Ellie: Oh, I was just looking for my brothers. They are always getting into trouble.
Manny: Brothers? You mean there's more?
Ellie: Sure! Whoa! There's lots of us.
Manny: Where?
Ellie: Uh, everywhere? Under rocks, in holes in the ground. Usually we come out at night so birds don't carry us off.
(Manny was wondering what in the world he was talking about, when suddenly her "brothers" burst out of the bushes)
Crash: Help! Help! Help!
(They ducked behind him)
EDDIE: (PANTING) Help!
(Diego and Sid leapt out of the bushes close behind them)
(When they saw Manny face-to-face with Jack, they stopped in their tracks)
Sid: Well, shave me down and call me a mole rat! You found another mammoth!
Ellie: Where? Wait a minute. I thought mammoths were extinct.
(She looked around anxiously until she realized everyone was staring at him)
Ellie: What are you looking at me for?
Manny: I don't know. Maybe because you're a mammoth?
Ellie: Me? Don't be ridiculous. I'm not a mammoth. I'm a possum.
(Sid, Diego, and Manny stared at her blankly)
Manny: Right. Good one. I'm a newt. (points to Diego) This is my friend, the badger. (points to a Sid) And my other friend, the platypus.
Sid: Why do I gotta be the platypus? Make him the platypus.
(Crash stepped up to them, putting on his toughest gunslinger attitude)
Crash: This guy giving you trouble, sis?
All: "Sis"?
Ellie: That's right. These are my brothers, possum, possum, possum.
(Manny leaned over and whispered to Sid)
Manny: I don't think his tree goes all the way to the top branch.
(Silence)
Sid: Manny, think of extinction's a bad time to be picky. Hey, she should come with us.
Manny: Are you insane? No way.
Sid: Okay. Manny wants me to ask you if you'd like to escape the flood with us.
MANNY: What?
(But the possum brothers didn't want anything to do with Sid and his pals)
Eddie: I'd rather be roadkill.
Diego: That can be arranged.
Ellie: (LAUGHS) Funny! Let me have a little word with my brothers.
(She took them aside)
Eddie: Ellie, are you crazy? We're not going with them!
Ellie: Look, we'll never make it in time if we only travel at night. These guys can protect us out in the open. What do you say?
(At the same time, Manny was arguing with Sid)
Manny: Why did you invite them?
Sid: 'Cause you might be the only two mammoths left on Earth.
Diego: He has a point.
Manny: I'm sorry. When did I join this dating service?
(Ellie returned with Crash and Eddie trailing behind him, grumbling. Ellie addressed Manny and Sid with a haughty air)
Ellie: My brothers and I would be delighted to come with you.
Manny: (GROANS)
Crash: If you treat us nicely.
(Diego leaned toward Crash and growled)
Crash: That there. See that? That's the total opposite of nice.
Diego: Maybe we'll have ourselves a little snack before we hit the road.
Eddie: You want a piece of us? Let's go.
Crash: Banzai!
(The two possums jumped on Sid and Diego, and the four of them swirled into a chaotic ball of punching and biting and scratching)
Sid: I got him! Ow!
Eddie: Back! Back! Yah! Yah!
(Crash paused for a second and lifted Diego's head from the fray)
Crash: You know the best part? We're carrying diseases.
(All around them, the huge glacial dams cracked and boomed. Chunks of ice came crashing down)
(The pumped-up mammals stopped and held their breath. It seemed like the whole world's fair was falling down on top of them!)
Eddie: I'd rather grow hair on my tail.
MANNY: Okay. Thanks to Sid, we're now traveling together and, like it or not, we're gonna be one big, happy family. I'll be the daddy, Ellie will be the mommy, and Diego will be the uncle who eats the kids who get on my nerves.
(No one made a peep in objection)
Manny: Now, let's move it before the ground falls out from under our feet!
Ellie: I thought fat guys were supposed to be jolly.
Manny: I'm not fat. It's this fur. It makes me look big. It's poofy.
Ellie: (CHUCKLING) Oh. Okay. He's fat.
(EXT. FROZEN WILLOW TREES — DAY. Anna, Kristoff, and Sven walk beneath frozen willows. The hanging branches glisten like Christmas lights. Sven knocks them with his antlers. They tinkle like chimes)
Anna: I never knew winter could be so beautiful.
(Suddenly, a voice comes in from nowhere. We'll call that voice OLAF)
OLAF: Yeah. It really is beautiful, isn't it? But it's so white. You know, how about a little color? I'm thinking maybe some crimson, chartreuse.
(While this is going on, The group look around for the source of the rambling. They look at Sven - could he actually be talking? Sven looks back at them, his antlers tangled in branches, just as baffled as they are)
(In the meantime, a nose-less snowman, Olaf, wanders up behind them)
Olaf: How about yellow? No, not yellow. Yellow and snow? (SHUDDERS) No go. (CHUCKLES)
(He stops between the group. They look down at him. How did he get there? He suddenly looks up at Anna)
Olaf: Am I right?
(Anna SCREAMS! Reflexes take over and she kicks Olaf's head, sending it flying off his body and into Kristoff's arms)
Olaf: (cheery, to Kristoff) Hi.
Kristoff: You're creepy.
(Kristoff tosses the head back to Anna and they commence a game of hot potato)
OLAF: Whoa!
Anna: I don't want it.
Kristoff: Back at you.
OLAF: Please don't drop me.
Anna: No.
Kristoff: Come on, it's just a head.
(Olaf's body runs at Anna, arms waving)
OLAF: All right. We got off to a bad start.
Anna: Ew, ew, ew, the body!
(Anna slams Olaf's head back on the body, upside down. Olaf smiles happily, then looks confused)
Olaf: Wait, what am I looking at right now? Why are you hanging off the earth like a bat?
Anna: (sympathetic) All right, wait one second.
(Anna kneels in front of Olaf and rights his head)
Olaf: Oh! Thank you.
Anna: You're welcome.
Olaf: Now, I'm perfect.
(She looks over his innocent face, gets an idea)
Anna: (CHUCKLES) Well, almost.
Olaf: It was like my whole life got turned upside down.
(She digs into Kristoff's satchel, holds up a carrot just as Olaf turns toward her. The carrot accidentally slams all the way through his head)
Anna: Oh! Too hard. I'm sorry!
Olaf: Head rush!
Anna: I was just... Are you okay?
(Olaf sees a tiny piece of carrot sticking out between his eyes. He lights up)
Olaf: Are you kidding me? I am wonderful! I've always wanted a nose. (going cross-eyed to look at his tiny nose) (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) So cute. It's like a little baby unicorn.
(Anna reaches behind Olaf to the bulk of the carrot sticking out the back of his head, and pushes it forward)
Olaf: (IN NORMAL VOICE) But... Hey! Whoa! (seeing his now big nose) (GASPS) Oh. I love it even more. (EXHALES) All right, let's start this thing over. Hi, everyone. I'm Olaf. And I like warm hugs.
(Olaf opens his arms wide to Anna. That triggers a memory. It takes her a moment to place it, but then she does)
Anna: Olaf? That's right. Olaf.
Olaf: And you are?
Anna: Oh. Um... I'm Anna.
Olaf: And who's the funky-looking donkey over there?
Anna: That's Sven.
Olaf: Uh-huh. And who's the reindeer?
Anna: Sven.
(Olaf looks from Kristoff to Sven, confused)
Olaf: Oh, the... Oh. Okay. (accepting it) That makes things easier for me.
(Sven tries to bite Olaf's nose)
Olaf: (SQUEALS) Aw, look at him trying to kiss my nose. (gushes) I like you, too.
Anna: Olaf. Did my sister build you?
Olaf: Yeah. Why?
(Curious, Kristoff takes one of Olaf's twig arms off, studies it. It seems to be moving in sync with his other arm)
Anna: Do you know where she is?
Kristoff: (studying the arm) Fascinating.
Olaf: Yeah. Why?
Anna: Do you think you could show us the way?
Olaf: Yeah. Why?
Kristoff: (bending his arm) How does this work? Ow!
(Olaf's dismembered arm slaps Kristoff across the face)
Olaf: Stop it, Sven. I'm trying to focus, here. (to Anna) Yeah. Why?
Kristoff: I'll tell you why. We need Elsa to bring back summer.
Olaf: (shocked) Summer? (sinking into wistfulness) Oh, I don't know why but I've always loved the idea of summer, and sun, and all things hot.
Kristoff: Really? I'm guessing you don't have much experience with heat.
Olaf: Nope. But sometimes I like to close my eyes and imagine what it'd be like when summer does come.
(OLAF'S FANTASY WORLD — PERFECT SUMMER DAY. Olaf walk through a grassy meadow with the sun shining behind him)
("In Summer")
Olaf: *Bees'll buzz
*Kids'll blow dandelion fuzz
*And I'll be doing whatever the snow does in summer.
(-Olaf now lays in the sand on a beach)
Olaf: *A drink in my hand
*My snow up against the burning sand
*Prob'ly getting gorgeously tanned in summer.
(-Olaf sails in a boat)
Olaf: *I'll finally see a summer breeze
*Blow away a winter storm
(-Olaf floats in the water)
Olaf: *And find out what happens to solid water
*When it gets warm.
(-Olaf tumbles on a sandy beach with sandmen)
Olaf: *And I can't wait to see
*What my buddies all think of me
*Just imagine how much cooler I'll be in summer!
(-Olaf and the seagull break out into a tap-dance)
Olaf: (VOCALIZING)
(-Olaf and another snowman drink hot chocolate in the hot tub)
Olaf: *The hot and the cold are both so intense
*Put them together, it just makes sense!
(-Olaf tap dances with a gaggle of seagulls)
Olaf: (SCATTING)
(-Olaf bounds down a grassy hill)
Olaf: *Winter's a good time to stay in and cuddle
*But put me in summer and I'll be…
(He stops at a puddle, looks down at it. Smiles. Hops over it)
Olaf: *Happy snowman!
(-Olaf runs with a checkered blanket that he spreads out. He relaxes and stares at the blue sky)
Olaf: *When like get rough I like to hold on to my dream
*Of relaxing in the summer sun just letting off steam!
(Anna, Sven, and Kristoff have a picnic)
Olaf: *Oh the sky will be blue
*And you guys'll be there too
*When I finally do what frozen things do in summer!
Kristoff: I'm gonna tell him.
Anna: Don't you dare.
Olaf: *In summer!*
(Olaf sings the final note. We swing around him and return to:)
(REALITY. They then straighten up and smile)
Olaf: So, come on! Elsa's this way. Let's go bring back summer!
(Olaf grabs Anna's hand and pulls her along)
Anna: (laughing) I'm coming!
(Kristoff watches both of them like they're nuts)
Kristoff: Somebody's got to tell him.
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN — DAY. Cretaceous and Maelstrom, two sea reptiles discuss their plan to melt the glacial wall quickly by placing lava tubes)
(Already high above them, Scrat was able to get on the opposite side of where his acorn was at. Between the two, was a space that led to the water)
Scrat: (GRUNTING) (CHITTERS)
(In order to get to where his acorn was at, Scrat needed a stick to help him maneuver to the other side)
Scrat: (INHALES) (GASPING) (GRUNTS)
(Thus, he sprinted as fast as he could, leaped and climbed up to reach his acorn, but fell down into the water because the stick wasn't long enough to get to the other side)
(EXT. ARENDELLE, VILLAGE — DAY. A layer of solid ice coats everything. People huddle around weak fires. Anxiety runs high amongst the villagers and guests. We pass two CITIZENS fighting over a woodpile)
Citizen 1: No, no. You've got the bark facing down. The bark needs to be face-up.
Citizen 2: Bark down is drier.
MAN 1: Bark up!
MAN 2: Bark down!
Citizen 1: Bark up.
BOY: Papa!
(Like a light in the dark, Hans moves through the crowd)
Hans: Cloak? Does anyone need a cloak?
Gerda: Arendelle is indebted to you, Your Highness.
Hans: The castle is open. There is soup and hot glogg in the great hall.
(He hands the stack of cloaks to a guard)
Hans: Here, pass these out.
(Just then, the Duke approaches Hans)
Duke: Prince Hans! Are we expected to just sit here and freeze while you give away all of Arendelle's tradable goods?
Hans: (tall and confident) Princess Anna has given her orders.
Duke: And that's another thing! Has it dawned on you that the queen may be conspiring with a sorcress to destroy us all?
(Hans' nice eyes turn to threatening slits)
Hans: Do not question the princess. She left me in charge and I will not hesitate to protect Arendelle from treason.
Duke: (flabbergasted, offended) (STAMMERING) Treason?
(Suddenly, they hear the alarmed whinny of the horse. It returns alone, bucking and kicking. Hans grabs its reins)
Hans: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, boy. Easy. Easy.
Crowd: (various) Princess Anna's horse. What happened to her? Where is she?
MAN: It's Princess Anna's horse.
WOMAN 1: So, where is the princess?
WOMAN 2: Where could she be?
WOMAN 3: Where is she?
(Hans steadies the horse, looks up at the mountain. He sees all the panicked faces of the kingdom looking to him)
Hans: Princess Anna is in trouble. I need volunteers to go with me to find her.
(Volunteers, some from Arendelle, some from other lands, rush up to offer their services)
Duke: I volunteer two men, My Lord. (quietly to his thugs) Be prepared for anything. And should you encounter the queen, you are to put an end to this winter. Do you understand?
(The two other inmates sneer)
(INT. JET, SKY — DAY. A well-appointed jet. Various computer line the walls)
FINN: That's how I like to start the day. You never feel more alive than when you're almost dead.
Holley: (scanning Peter) Yeah. I hope that device didn't fall off.
Peter: That's the closest I ever been to missing my flight. That was...
(With a ROBOTIC ARM, Holley grabs THE DEVICE that Rod Redline hid in Peter's coat. She yanks it out with a GOOSE)
Peter: (jumps) Oh!
Holley: Still in one piece? Great.
(Holley drops the device into a mainframe computer. It starts "ANALYZING.")
PETER: I've got to go to a doctor. I get these sharp pains in my back.
Holley: Downloading the photo now.
Peter: Let me introduce you two. (to Holley) This here is Finn McSomething or other. He's a first-class VIP airport whatchamacallit. And, Finn, this here is my date. I never did get your name.
Holley: Oh, yes, sorry. It's Shiftwell. Holley Shiftwell.
Peter: (to Finn) It's Shiftwell. Holley...
(DING! The computer is done analyzing. The cabin lights dim)
Finn: Finally. Time to see who's behind all this.
(AN IMAGE is blasted between the three of them. It's of a photograph, a complicated melange of wings stuck together)
Holley: (to Peter, expectantly) What is this?
Peter: That's one of the worst wings ever made. It's an old aluminum dragon with a Lucas electrical system and Whitworth bolts. Shoot, them Whitworth bolts is a pain, tell you what. Them ain't metric, they ain't inches.
Holley: Yes, okay, but whose wing is this?
Peter: It's kinda hard to tell from this picture, ain't it?
Holley: But you took it.
Finn: Holley.
Holley: Oh. Right! Yes, of course. A good agent gets what he can, then gets out before he's killed.
Peter: Agent? You mean, like, insurance agent? Like... (SINGS) Like a good neighbor, Peter is there! Wait! You mean secret agents! You guys is spies!
Finn: In how many makes and models did this type of wing appear?
(Holley has these stats in seconds. Kid's play)
Holley: It was standard in seven models over a 12-year period. At least 35,000 fairies were made with this wing.
(Peter MOVES HIS SEAT FORWARD, though one part of the hologram so he's face-to-face with Holley)
Peter: You're purty.
Holley: Yes, thank you.
Peter: And so nice.
Holley: Just pay attention.
(She moves the wing photo so it's now blocking Peter again)
FINN: This seems like a dead end. If there was something in the photo that could narrow this down, I'd be happier.
Peter: You might not be happy, but I bet this feller is. See how he's had most of his parts replaced? And see all them boxes over there? Them's all original parts. They ain't easy to come by.
Holley: Rare parts?
Finn: That's something we can track.
Holley: Exactly.
(Holley drops her screen down)
Finn: Well done, Peter. I would never have seen that. (to Holley) I know of a black-market parts dealer in Paris, a treacherous lowlife, but he's the only fairy in the world who can tell us whose wing this is. What would you say to setting up an informal task force on this one?
Peter: Wait. What?
Finn: You obviously have experience in the field.
Peter: Yeah, I live right next to one. (thinks about it) I don't know. I ain't exactly been much help to anybody recently.
Finn: You're helping me. Please, Peter.
Peter: Well... Okay. But you know I'm just a sparrowman, right?
Finn: Right. And I'm just in the import-export business. Siddeley?
Siddeley: Yes, Finn?
Finn: Paris. Tout de suite.
Peter: Yeah, two of them sweets for me, too, Sid. (to Holley) I always wanted to be a spy.
Holley: (smiling sweetly) Really? Me, too.
Siddeley: Afterburners, sir?
Finn: Is there any other way?
(EXT. JET — MOVING. Siddeley HITS THE JUICE, they kick forward like a mule)
(EXT. BRITTANY — DAY. Fast Tony's endless sales pitch droned on as terrified creatures and people their way over piles of loose debris and around treacherous rock slides)
Fast Tony: Folks! Escaping the flood is the perfect time to shed those unsightly pounds with Fast Tony's Disaster Diet!
(The winter fairies and people and creatures were so busy trying to escape the oncoming flood that nobody gave Fast Tony the time of day. Fast Tony spotted a musk ox coming his way)
Fast Tony: You, ma'am! You look like a big, fat hairy beast! How'd you like to lose a ton or two, eh?
Female Ox: Would I ever!
Male Ox: Don't listen to him, Vera! You're already thin as a twig.
(The pair continued on with the rest of the mammals)
Fast Tony: Oh-ho! I also have the perfect cure for your eyesight, my blind friend.
(As he scanned the horizon, he saw Manny and Diego in the distance. This time the fast-talking hawker decided to move his act to another corner of the herd before the annoying heavyweights arrived)
(The possums kept under cover, scurrying from bush to tree. Ellie tried to camouflage her massive bulk with a few twigs and branches)
(Manny rolled his eyes, watching her try to hide behind a tree that was way thinner than she was)
Manny: Oh, we'll never make it at this pace. Ellie, it's okay! You can lose the camouflage! You're safe!
Ellie: Okay! Safe? Please.
(But she checked with her brothers just to be sure)
Ellie: Crash, Eddie, you two scope it out.
(They peeked out from behind the leaves)
Crash: What you got?
Eddie: Perimeter looks to be all clear, Captain.
Crash: Roger that. One-niner, over.
Eddie: Roger. Over, victor…
(Crash whacked him in the head)
Eddie: Ow!
(Crash began to laugh, but Eddie grabbed him by the throat)
ELLIE: Guys!
Crash: All clear!
(Finally, Ellie dared to step out from behind the tree. Crash and Eddie tumbled out of the branches beside her. But just as they emerged from under cover, Eddie spotted something in the sky overhead)
Eddie: Hawk!
(Crash and Eddie fell to the ground, motionless. Ellie dropped to the ground, too)
(Manny peered down at him)
Manny: What are you doing?
Ellie: Playing dead.
Sid: Manny, why don't you do that?
Manny: Because I'm a mammoth!
Sid: But you'd do it for treats, right?
(Ellie opened one eye)
Ellie: Is he gone?
Manny: You're safe. Get up.
Ellie: Whoo! Oh, man. If you weren't here, that hawk would've swooped down and snatched me up for dinner. That's how cousin Wilton went.
(Diego looked at Sid in disbelief)
(Ellie was still reeling from her narrow escape)
Ellie: Boy, I really feel for you. I do. I can't even imagine what it'd be like to be the last one of your species.
(Manny gestured toward him)
Manny: I'm not the last one.
Ellie: Oh, you brave, brave soul. That's right. Don't give up hope.
Manny: (SIGHS) Ellie? Look at our footprints.
(He looked back and saw Eddie and Crash's little footprints, circling their big round ones)
(Manny pointed to his footprints)
Manny: They're the same shape.
(Ellie peered at them suspiciously)
Ellie: Well. How do I know those aren't your footprints?
(Manny thought for a moment)
Manny: Well, then, look at our shadows.
(Ellie looked at their twin silhouettes on the ground)
Manny: We match.
(He studied the two shadows and struggled to figure out what it might mean. Suddenly, his face brightened)
Ellie: You're right. They're the same!
(Manny beamed, triumphant)
Ellie: You must be part possum!
Crash: You wish.
(EXT. LAKE, BRITTANY — DAY. The whole valley was quickly turning into one wide lake littered with rocks and giant ice floes. The travelers, hurried on, crossing the water from ice floe to ice floe)
Manny: Diego, there are whole continents moving faster than you. Let's go! We gotta catch up with the others.
(Eddie and Crash were having a blast, slipping and gliding like a couple of ice skaters. But Diego was tense)
EDDIE: Yeah!
Diego: Hey, knock it off.
Crash: Oh, cry me a river, blubber-toothed tiger. Have some fun.
Diego: Can't you see the ice is thin enough without you two wearing to down?
(Everyone looked at the ice floe they were standing on. Diego was right)
Sid: Ah, Diego, come on. The ice may be thin, but it's strong enough to hold a 10-ton mammoth and a 9-ton possum. I even brought my rock collection.
(She held out a pile of pebbles to show Diego)
Diego: Get rid of those pebbles.
(He slapped them out of his hand into the water)
Sid: My feldspar!
(They hurried on across the ice, trying to step lightly)
ELLIE: I've got a really bad feeling about this. My possum sense is tingling.
Manny: Possum sense? There's no such thing.
(But at that moment, two immense shadowy shapes were sweeping past them under the ice)
(Before they could take another step, KA-WHOOM!!, one of the menacing monsters, Maelstrom, burst through the ice, sending everyone careening off the floe)
Sid: Mammal overboard!
(Sid flew thought the air)
(Diego was spinning around on a small piece of ice, gripping it with his feet and hanging on for dear life)
(Crash and Eddie spotted Ellie lying unconscious on another foe. They made a dash for him)
EDDIE: Ellie, get up!
Crash: If you play dead, you'll be dead! Look at me!
(Crash pulled one of her eyelids up. She roused herself and stood. But as she peered into the water he saw a terrifying sight: Sid was paddling as fast as he could toward Diego, with the immense, sharp-toothed Maelstrom swimming right behind him!)
Sid: Diego?
(But Diego was too petrified to even bat an eyelid. Diego's stiff, motionless legs and hauled himself up onto the ice floe. But the water reptile was zooming in fast. Sid had to think of something quick, or they would both be swallowed up together in the reptile's giant maw)
(Suddenly, a look of inspiration crossed Sid's face)
Sid: This might sting a little.
(He bit Diego's tail. Sid darted away, with a furious Diego following after him)
(Just in the nick of time! Behind them ice crashed and crunched. They turned to see Maelstrom bursting out of the water and completely obliterating their ice floe with one bite)
(Trapped on another chunk of ice, Manny looked on in disbelief as Sid and Diego sprinted toward shore, with Maelstrom mashing through the ice after them)
(WHAM! The other water monster, Cretaceous, suddenly leapt out of the ice, snapping his powerful jaws shut just a hairbreadth from Manny's trunk)
(Manny watched, terrified, as the monster circled around and came up again on the other side. Suddenly, all Manny could see was a mouthful of razor-sharp teeth coming at him. CLONK! The powerful jaws slammed shut)
(Argh! Cretaceous was stunned. His mouth had clamped shut on Manny's strong tusk. Manny shook the reptile off and Cretaceous fell back into the water. Manny stumbled and nearly toppled into the water herself. But his floe had moved close enough to shore. He pushed off the ice and bounded to safety. Sid and Diego stepped up beside him and peered the at the bite mark in Manny's ice floe)
(Cretaceous and Maelstrom glared at them from the water, sizing them up for their next attack. Then they silently slithered away into the murky depths)
(Sid's eyes were about to pop out of his head in disbelief)
Sid: What in the animal kingdom was that?
Diego: I don't know, but from now on, land safe. Water? Not safe. As if drowning wasn't enough.
(Ellie and the possums joined them on the Breton-French shore)
Ellie: That was the bravest thing I've ever seen.
Manny: It was nothing really. I, uh…
Ellie: Oh, it's not a compliment. To a possum, bravery is just dumb.
Crash: Yeah, we're spineless.
Eddie: Lily-liveried.
Ellie: Maybe mammoths are going extinct because they put themselves in danger too often. Maybe you should run away more.
(Manny could not believe what she was hearing)
Manny: Good point. Thanks for the advice.
Ellie: Happy to help.
(Ellie sauntered ahead with her possum brothers)
Manny: Do you believe her? (GIRLY VOICE) "Bravery's just dumb. Maybe you should run away more." She's infuriating and stubborn and narrow-minded.
Sid: She's a mammoth, all right. You like her!
Manny: I do not!
Sid: Oh, don't worry. Your secret's safe with me. (to Diego) Oh, and so is yours.
Diego: What secret?
Sid: You know, the one where you can't swim.
Diego: That's ridiculous.
Sid: Fine, but we're living in a melting world, buddy. You're gonna have to face your fear sooner or later.
(Diego knew Sid was right. They could see the water rising even as they stood there on the shore. The three pals hurried to catch up with Manny, Ellie, and the possums)
(A MONTAGE OF PARIS: Peter attempts to merge into roundabout traffic; mimes annoy tourists at the Eiffel Tower; a painter works his magic on an unattractive couple; a couple kisses on the most romantic spot in the world; we might even catch GUSTEAU'S RESTAURANT from Disney/Pixar's 2007 film, Ratatouille)
(The charming, low-key introduction ends with a SWEEPING VISTA of Paris's center from far away as we CRANE DOWN INTO ---)
(EXT. STREET — DAY. --- a dirty street in the 1st Arrondissement. Finn and Holley stroll along together as Peter, playing "spy," darts back and forth behind them from doorway to dumpster, "hiding out." He's having a ball.
FINN: Once we're inside, stay close. (to Holley) Don't bother checking VIN numbers. They're all dodgy here.
Holley: Got it.
Finn: Don't talk to anyone, don't look at anyone, and absolutely, positively no idling. Are we clear?
Holley: Yes. No idling. Yes, sir.
Finn: Peter?
Peter: Yeah, Finn?
Finn: We're not here to go shopping.
(As Finn and Holley and Peter turn the corner)
Peter: Shopping? What do you mean? Why would I...
(Peter turns the corner and enters a massive Les Halles-inspired Parisian market filled with fairy stuff. The boy's dream)
Peter: Jiminy Cricket.
Merchants: Part for sales, monsieur. Monsieur, part for sale.
(IN THE MARKET — MOMENTS LATER. Peter flies along, impressed by the goods for sale)
Peter: They got everything here. No! Look at them dresses! I could use a dress.
(Peter continues on though, heeding Finn's advice)
Peter: Sorry, fellers. I gotta go!
(INT. ENCLOSED MARKETPLACE — DAY. Peter, now out of sight of Finn and Holley, passes a darkened stall. He stops, peers in. There's someone in there)
Peter: Excuse me. What are you selling?
(It suddenly OPENS its wings revealing... EYES!! In French, the mutant fairy pitches his wares to Peter. Peter FREAKS OUT, flies off, TERRIFIED)
(AROUND THE CORNER — FINN AND HOLLEY. A few fairy lengths ahead of Peter. They roll along, looking for... Aha! Finn and Holley recede into the shadows)
(In FINN'S SIDE MIRROR: TOMBER, a parts dealer, argues with a French customer)
FINN: There you are.
(Peter suddenly turns the corner, sees Finn and Holley)
Peter: There is some great bargains here.
Finn: Peter, get back!
(Too late. Tomber sees Peter, then notices FINN, reflected in a hubcap. He BOLTS. Finn and Holley give chase)
Peter: Hey, wait for me!
(Tomber, skidding away, kicks a tent in Finn's way. Holley quickly pivots RIGHT and disappears. Where did he go?)
(Finn, hot in pursuit, leaps another obstacle and loses ground TO ---)
(--- Tomber who turns a corner and finds himself grill to grill with HOLLEY. He whips to the left but TURNS OVER, rolling sideways and CRASHING to a stop)
(Holley ZAPS him with ELECTROSHOCKERS. Finn suddenly arrives, stops her)
Finn: (to Holley) Have you lost your mind?
Holley: But I thought...
Finn: Peter, this chap needs a lasso. Hook him up.
Peter: Sure thing.
(MOMENTS LATER — Peter lassos Tomber, following Finn and Holley)
Tomber: You rusty piece of junk! Get your dirty hook off me!
(INT. A SMALL DEPOT — MOMENTS LATER. Finn throws open a door. Fairies scatter like cockroaches)
Finn: (to the fairies) (SPEAKS FRENCH)
(Peter unhooks an angry Tomber who spits in French. Finn pulls the door down. As it LATCHES TIGHT ---)
Tomber: (to Finn) Electroshock! Are you kidding me?
Finn: Easy, Tomber, this is her first field assignment. She didn't know you were my informant.
Holley: Informant?
Tomber: A rookie, huh? I never liked new fairy smell.
(Holley FUMES with anger)
Finn: Tomber was doing 20-to-life in a Moroccan impound the first time I saved him, if I recall correctly.
Tomber: Speaking of recalls, you're getting up there in mileage, aren't you?
Holley: All right, we get it. You both know each other, you're both old.
(Holley shoots a HOLOGRAPHIC PHOTO of the wing in front of Tomber)
Holley: So, here you go, informant. Inform us.
(Tomber eyes the photo. He recoils, unimpressed)
Tomber: Beuck! That is the worst flapper ever made.
(Suddenly, Tomber narrows his gaze)
Tomber: Wait. That dust filter. Those wheel bearings.
Finn: Do those parts look familiar, Tomber?
Tomber: They should. I sold them.
HOLLEY: To whom?
Tomber: No idea. He's my best customer, but he always does his business over the phone. I was always wondering why he needs so many parts. Now I know.
Peter: A lemon needs parts. Ain't nothing truer than that.
Finn: Lemon?
Peter: Yeah. Fairies that don't ever work right. Lemons is a sparrowman's bread and butter. Like 'em Gremlins and Pacers we run into at the party in Oslo and the race and the airport in Berlin.
Finn: Pull up the pictures from the dust platform. I want to know what other type of fairies were out there.
(Holley complies and suddenly PHOTOS OF FAIRIES FROM THE DUST PLATFORM hang suspended in the air in front of them)
Holley: Right. Let's see. There were Hugos and Trunkovs.
Finn: Are these fairies considered lemons?
Peter: Is the Popemobile Catholic?
Holley: Everyone involved in this plot is one of history's biggest loser fairies.
(Holley refers to the WING PHOTO, which now rises forward as the prominent picture, perhaps the only one in view)
Finn: And they're all taking their orders from the fairy behind this wing.
Tomber: Ah. This explains it.
Finn: What, Tomber?
Tomber: Gremlin, Pacer, Hugo and Trunkov never get together, but they are having a secret meeting in three days' time.
Finn: Where's this meeting taking place?
Tomber: Dublin, Ireland.
Peter: That's where the next race is!
Finn: There's a good chance our mystery wing will be there, too.
Tomber: Your chances are more than good. I just sent him a new clutch assembly yesterday. To Dublin.
Finn: Contact Stevenson and have him meet us at the Emerald Isle. Good work.
(EXT. FRENCH ALPS — DAY. STEVENSON, a THREE CAR LUXURY BULLET TRAIN speeds along a snow-covered mountain in the dead of night, its halogen headlight cutting through the darkness. It DIPS into a TUNNEL---)
PETER: That two-heeled feller had to be right about a big meeting.
(INT. SPY CAR — MOVING — NIGHT. Peter, Finn and Holley scroll through surveillance-style photos of TRAFFIC on a Irish street. They're in the front train car, which doubles as a luxury seating area and intelligence command center)
Peter: You never see this many lemons in one town. 'Less there's a swap meet. (to Holley) How'd you get all them pictures?
Holley: I reprogrammed Dublin's red light cameras to do recognition scans.
Peter: Wow. Not only is you the prettiest fairy I ever met, but you're the smartest, too.
Holley: Thank you...I think.
PETER: That's a familiar sight. A Hugo being towed.
(Peter refers to VICTOR HUGO, the Hugo Lemonhead, being towed by an EASTERN EUROPEAN SPARROWMAN)
Peter: But he looks absolutely perfect!
Finn: Of course! They must be the heads of the lemon families.
Peter: Makes sense. If I was rich and broke down every day, I'd hire me to tow me around all the time, too!
Finn: We've got to infiltrate that meeting to find out who's behind all this.
Holley: (eyeing Peter) Hang on a minute.
Peter: What?
Holley: Hold still.
(Holley SNAPS Peter's picture, temporarily blinding him)
Peter: Ow!
(Holley turns back to her monitor. Peter's face appears on screen. She quickly GRAFTS it over the Hugo's tinker fairy's)
Finn: Ah-ha. Good job, Miss Shiftwell.
(Holley isn't sure what surprises him more: the compliment or how pleased it makes him)
Holley: Thank you, Finn.
Peter: Boy, I sure wish my friends could see me now.
(EXT. ROME, ITALY — DAY. A quaint Italian piazza. A pristine FAIRY FOUNTAIN, complete with ancient trident, looms in our view)
(The Nerdlucks stroll into view)
POUND: Fellas, your eyes do not deceive you. We are in Italy. We are home.
(The Nerdlucks exit a WGP tour train)
Blanko: Hey, Pound. Which way to the hotel, man?
Pound: What? No friend of mine will stay in a hotel in my village. You will stay with my… Uncle Topolino-o-o!
(UNCLE TOPOLINO, a distinguished Italian grandfather, steps forward)
Topolino: Pound! Nerdlucks! (SPEAKS ITALIAN)
(He greets them warmly with affectionate Italian salutations as word of the Nerdlucks' arrival spreads. The square FILLS with family and friends)
(EXT. PIAZZA — DAY. A festive homecoming party. Lights strung across the square. Music and dancing. Bang and Blanko are at a dining table)
Bang: How do they do it? These are the same ingredients as back home, but it tastes so good.
Blanko: It's organic, dude.
Bang: Treehugger.
(WENDY steps along the periphery of the square, seems lost in thought)
TOPOLINO: Hey, race fairy.
(Uncle Topolino beckons Wendy over)
Topolino: You look so down, so low. Is like you have sore flippers.
(MAMA TOPOLINO, a hefty Spanish grandmother pips up)
Mama Topolino: (SPEAKS ITALIAN)
(A mile a minute then walks off, now a citizen on a mission)
Topolino: She said you look like you are starving, that she's gonna make you a big meal and fatten you up.
Wendy: Oh, no. Mama Topolino, please, you don't need to make a fuss.
(Too late. She's disappeared inside her kitchen)
Topolino: Capisco. I understand. Is a problem, yes, between you and a friend?
Wendy: How did you know that?
Topolino: A wise fairy hears one word and understands two.
(Wendy takes this in, impressed)
Topolino: That, and the Nerdlucks told me. While Mama cooks, come and take a stroll with me.
(They amble forward, Uncle Topolino setting the pace)
Wendy: I brought my friend, Peter Pan along on the trip and I told him he need to act different, that we weren't in Pixie Hollow.
Topolino: This Peter is a close friend?
Wendy: He's my boyfriend.
Topolino: Then why would you ask him to be someone else?
(Wendy considers this - a realization)
Wendy: What did I do? I said some things during our fight.
Topolino: You know, back when the Nerdlucks used to work for me, they would fight over everything.
(IN THE SQUARE – Bupkus dances with a boyfriend. Pound suddenly CUTS IN. They begin to ARGUE)
Topolino: They fight over what amigo was the best amigo, which one of them looked more like an amigo. There were even some non-amigo fights.
(Nawt now LIFTS Pound, cuts BACK in)
Topolino: So I tell them, "va bene, it's okay to fight. Everybody fights now and then, especially best friends."
(Wendy takes this in. Seems to take some small comfort)
Topolino: "But you got to make up fast."
(Wendy's comfort quickly evaporates)
Topolino: "No fight more important than friendship."
(Bupkus, Nawt, and Pound now dance together with the girl and her friend who has just arrived. All having a great time. They dance past us, crossing in front of WENDY AND UNCLE TOPOLINO. We STAY WITH them)
Topolino: (SPEAKS ITALIAN)
Wendy: What does that mean?
Mama Topolino: (arriving) Whoever find a friend, find a treasure.
(Mama Topolino drops a tray of food in front of Wendy)
Mama Topolino: Now, mangia. Eat!
(ON WENDY, distant, taking all of this in, lost in thought as, in the background, Uncle Topolino and Mama Topolino talk, then argue, then make up (all in Italian) all while we stay on Wendy's pensive face---)
(INT. MUSEO DEL PRADO, MADRID, SPAIN — DAY (TIMELINE: 06:42). The guards enter the museum and turns on the lights. The busts were shattered)
Prado Museum Guard #2: (WHIMPERS) Looks like we are busted.
(INT. INTERPOL HEADQUARTERS, PARIS, FRANCE — DAY (TIMELINE: 10:15). Jean and Sam were enjoying tea)
Sam the Eagle: (GRUMBLING) Exactly what are we doing today?
Jean Pierre: I am doing my job. All we need to do is look at the map with the blinky lights. And wait. This is how it is done here in Europe.
Sam the Eagle: In America, we use 3-D satellite LED displays. Not cardboard with Christmas lights stuck through it.
(Jean notices a blinky light blinking. They heard about the Prado museum burglary)
Jean Pierre: A blinky light! She is blinking! Let's go.
(They sprang into action)
(EXT. INTERPOL HEADQUARTERS, PARIS, FRANCE — DAY. Jean and Sam led the way to their car)
(Sam saw Jean's tiny car)
Sam the Eagle: What is this? A toy? My truck could eat this car for breakfast!
(However, Jean was very proud of his car)
Jean Pierre: This is my car, Le Maximum. It is illegal now in most of the EU for its massive size.
(They both got into the tiny car)
Jean Pierre: It's so needlessly spacious, I feel guilty.
(He put the siren on top of the tiny car as it rolled off)
Jean Pierre: (YELLS IN FRENCH)
SAM THE EAGLE: I hate Europe.
JEAN PIERRE: Madrid, here we come!
(EXT. FRANCE — DAY. They went on a crazy and short ride through his home country, France)
Jean Pierre+: Ah, this is the life, mon ami. Out on the open road with no schedule at all. Except for Madrid.
(EXT. MADRID — DAY. They drive through the streets, markets, and people)
Jean Pierre: Get out of the way.
SAM THE EAGLE: Stay on the road!
JEAN PIERRE: Interpol! Excusez-moi.
MAN: Watch out, everyone!
(They arrived at the museum)
JEAN PIERRE: 37 hours. Not bad.
(EXT. MUSEO DEL PRADO MUSEUM, MADRID — DAY. It didn't take long for Jean to discover the Lemur coin)
Jean Pierre: The Lemur. I knew it.
Sam the Eagle: This doesn't make any sense. Why break in, smash some priceless busts and then not steal anything? There must be something bigger going on. But what?
(CLOCK BELL TOLLING)
Jean Pierre: Ah, I've got it! Oh, sorry. 2:00 PM. My day is over.
(All of a sudden, he noticed the Muppet Show poster)
Sam the Eagle: Wait. Those weirdos, the Muppets, were performing next to the crime scene in Berlin. And here they are, performing right next to the crime scene in Madrid! You know what that means.
Jean Pierre: Yes, they love museums!
Sam the Eagle: No! They're suspects!
Jean Pierre: Okay. Overtime. We must find these Muppets before they flee the country. To the train station!
(INT. ATOCHA STATION, MADRID — DAY. Jean and Sam sped to the train station. They parked)
Jean Pierre: Are you all Les Muppets?
(They flashed their badges at the Muppets (Constantine, Gonzo, Fozzie, Piggy, Foo Foo, Walter, Scooter))
Fozzie: Wow, those are big badges!
Sam the Eagle: Thank you.
Jean Pierre: Merci… Come, come. You must come with us to answer some questions.
(INT. LOCAL POLICE STATION, MADRID — DAY. Later, Sam and Jean take the Muppets for interrogation)
("Interrogation Song")
Sam the Eagle: *Kermit, let's begin
*Describe the day you played Berlin
Constantine: *We rehearsed and then we walked about
*We ate bratwurst and sauerkraut
Jean Pierre: *That night at 10:03
*Were you inside the portrait gallery?
Constantine+: *From 10:00 to 10:04
*Was when we did the show encore
Sam the Eagle+: *Hmm, Frog we've got our doubts
*Can you confirm your whereabouts?
Constantine: *My alibi is watertight
*The audience saw me sing all night
Jean Pierre: *Monsieur we know you did the crime
Constantine: *I was on stage that whole time
*Ask who sang Rainbow Connection
Sam the Eagle & Jean Pierre (Both): *Thank you Kermit, no more questions
Jean Pierre: Allô. I think it's time for good cop/romantic cop.
*Miss Piggy, you could end up locked inside
*Now's your chance to save your hide
Miss Piggy: *Gentlemen, I did not know
*It's a crime to steal the show
Sam the Eagle: *Tell us how the art was taken
Jean Pierre: *If you want to save your bacon
Miss Piggy: *I haven't seen your missing art
*All I've stolen is audience hearts
Sam the Eagle+: *We can give you a plea deal
Jean Pierre+: *All you have to do is squeal
Miss Piggy+: *I'm not a thief, I don't know how
*All I've ever taken is a bow
Jean Pierre: *We'll catch the swine that did this job
Miss Piggy: *Give up the pig puns, creep!
*Go jump in a lake, that's my suggestion
Sam the Eagle & Jean Pierre (Both): *Thank you Piggy, no more questions
Jean Pierre: I think she likes me. Huh?
Sam the Eagle: I don't think your puns are helping the investigation.
Jean Pierre: *You know, I think they did it
Sam the Eagle: *No, they didn't
Jean Pierre: *Yes, they did, and we can pin it
Sam the Eagle: *If they did, how did they do it?
Jean Pierre: *If they didn't, how did they didn't?
Sam the Eagle: *If they didn't then it's easy 'cause they simply didn't do it
Jean Pierre: *If they did it, then I knew it but we've nothing that can prove it
(CLEARS THROAT) Oh, excuse me
Sam the Eagle: (GROANS)
Jean Pierre+: Bring in the purple guy with the schnoz
Sam the Eagle+: *Do you remember what you did
*On the night you played Madrid?
Gonzo+: *I was hit by a raging bull
*And rushed offstage to the hospital
Jean Pierre+: *Gonzo, what do you know
*About the sculpture theft at Madrid's Prado?
Gonzo+: *I never saw the stolen busts
*I spent the night in bed concussed
Sam the Eagle+: *The truth Gonzo, the clock is tickin'
Gonzo+: *If you don't believe me, ask the chicken
*Camilla was there, she'll co-operate
Jean Pierre+: *Madam, are you willing to corroborate?
Camilla+: (CLUCKING FRANTICALLY)
Sam the Eagle+: Will someone get this chicken out of here?
Gonzo+: *Calm down Camilla, it's a routine inspection
Sam the Eagle & Jean Pierre (Both): *Thank you Gonzo, no more questions
Jean Pierre: *Let's go from the start
*What do you know about the stolen art?
Lew Zealand: *I didn't know there was a plan
Dr. Teeth: *Your accusation's far out, man
Bunsen: *The chances of us committing a crime
*Are less than .009
Swedish Chef: *(SPEAKING MOCK SWEDISH)
Jean Pierre+: *To help with our investigation
*Can someone provide a full translation?
Beaker+: *(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Penguins: *(QUACKING)
Animal: *(YELLING) (LAUGHS)
Fozzie: *Uh, I can do an Elvis impression?
(Crazy Harry, speechless, pushes the detonator, and disappears)
Sam the Eagle & Jean Pierre (Both): *Thank you Muppets, no more questions!
Jean Pierre: *They didn't
Sam the Eagle: *No, they didn't
Jean Pierre: *There's no way they did the crime
Sam the Eagle: *They couldn't, they're too stupid
Jean Pierre: *Not criminal masterminds
Sam the Eagle: *We do not know who did it
*But we know who didn't do it
Sam the Eagle & Jean Pierre (Both): *So we know who didn't do it
*Yes we know who didn't do it
Jean Pierre: *They're incapable of being culpable!*
Fozzie: Hi!
SAM THE EAGLE: Come on. Let's go over the files again.
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN — DAY. Later on, while Maelstrom and Cretaceous, two sea reptiles plan how they can get the citizens, Scrat managed to get on one of the ice slides from the waterpark, which was straight across from where his acorn was)
Scrat: (CHITTERS AND GRUNTS) (GRUNTING)
(Therefore, he slid down the slide with enough momentum to get him into the air, catch his acorn, and fall in the water)
Scrat: (GASPS)
(As he was in the water, hugging his nut, Scrat was surprised as he saw a school of Piranha staring right at him and then opening their jaws)
Scrat: (SCREAMING) (BLUBBERING) (GASPS)
(At that very instant, Scrat swam out of the water and onto the surface running and dodging the piranhas as they attacked him, until one snapped it's jams shut on his paw that held his acorn. Shocked and angry, Scrat's fighting instincts came to him)
Scrat: (FEROCIOUS YELLING) Yeoh! (YELLS)
(He managed to single-handedly fight off the piranhas and take back his acorn. Satisfied, the squirrel started to walk off in triumph, until a Condor swooped down and snatched his acorn, taking the acorn to it's nest. Scrat looked up in disbelief)
Scrat: (WHINES)
(INT. CELL, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Kermit pulled a spoon out from under his pillow. He lifted up a large poster of Piggy, ready to continue digging. But Nadya was looking out at him from the hole in the wall!)
Nadya: Stop digging escape tunnel, frog.
Kermit: How did you know?
Nadya: It's the first escape everyone tries.
(EXT. MAIN PRISON YARD, GULAG 38B — DAY. Next, Kermit tried to escape through a laundry basket. But Nadya discovered him)
Nadya: That's the second escape people try.
(INT. BATHROOM, GULAG 38B — DAY. Kermit tried to escape through the sewer pipes, which didn't work, either)
Nadya: Third way!
Kermit: (SCREAMS)
Nadya: Give up, frog. I have Netflix account with search keywords "prison escape." I have seen every prison movie ever made. Even the ones in space. So you throw in towel, eh, frog?
Kermit: I can't throw in the towel. (SIGHS) Yeah, well...
(He noticed his Muppet friends (Dr. Teeth, Scooter, Piggy, Rizzo, Lew Zealand, Janice, Gonzo, Floyd, Pepé, Animal, Walter, Fozzie, Beaker, Zoot, Rowlf, Bunsen) in the newspaper)
Kermit: (GASPS) Hey, wait a second. That's them! That's my friends! What happened to them? We're in the middle of the tour!
(Nadya read the newspaper)
Nadya: (reading) "Dominic Badguy…"
Kermit: It's pronounced "Bad-gee."
Nadya: (reading) "An interview with the brains behind the Muppets' triumphant comeback world tour."
Kermit: What?
Nadya: It seems your friends do not need you anymore. They have forgotten about you.
Kermit: Oh, no, no, no. They wouldn't. They couldn't. We're a family.
Nadya: "Family"? No one believes in family in the Gulag, frog. People are only ever out for themselves.
Kermit: (SIGHS)
(Nadya thought Kermit was stuck in the Gulag forever)
Nadya: Listen, Kermit. You work in the business of shows, correct? We have annual lighthearted Gulag Revue coming up. It is that, or they riot. Since you're here forever, I thought you might help me. I am the director.
Kermit: Uh... The thing is Nadya, I'm sort of done doing that, but thanks for the offer.
(Nadya shook her head)
Nadya: This is not offer. This is prison. You are going to help me. Rehearsals tomorrow, 4:00 AM. Or I put you on The Wall.
Kermit: "The Wall"? Why would I be afraid of a wall?
(EXT. MAIN PRISON YARD, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Before he knew it, Kermit was taken outside in the freezing cold. Nadya licked him with her tongue and threw him against a giant metal wall. Kermit stuck to it. Despite struggling, he couldn't get free. POPS the show doorman sticks above him)
Pops: Just direct the show. You'll never escape.
(Kermit looked down at Nadya)
Kermit: What time did you say that rehearsal was?
(Nadya smiled and reached up, slowly peeling Kermit off the metal wall)
(EXT. FRANCE — DAY. Ellie and her brothers were pushing logs)
CRASH: Almost there!
(They push them up to the crest of the cliff)
Crash: Okay. Ready, Eddie?
Eddie: Set. Let's roll.
(He and Crash let their big hollow log roll down the hill)
EDDIE: Wait for me!
(As it picked up momentum, the two possums jumped inside and tumbled with it like two sneakers in a dryer at the Laundromat)
(Manny and Sid watched, speechless)
(As if the possums' log trick was not weird enough, a moment later Ellie zoomed past them, riding atop her own log like a lumberjack in a fast river)
Ellie: (GRUNTS) No brakes! Gotta roll! Meet you at the other end!
Manny: So you think she's the girl for me?
Sid: Yeah. She's tons of fun and you're no fun at all. She completes you.
(At the bottom of the hill, Crash an Eddie's log banged to a stop against a big rock. They crawled out and staggered around dizzily, trying to give each other a high five but slamming into one another instead)
(Crash climbed up a young sapling)
Crash: Hey! Hey, Manny! Can you pull back the tree and shoot me into the pond?
(Manny walked past his friend without even giving him a glance)
Manny: No.
Crash: Oh, come on!
Sid: How do you expect to impress Ellie with that attitude?
Manny: I don't want to impress her!
Sid: Why are you trying to convince her she's a mammoth?
Manny: Because that's what she is! I don't care if she thinks she's a possum. You can't be two things!
Sid: Au contraire, mon "fered." Tell that to the bullfrog, chicken hawk or turtledove.
Diego: You're never going to let up on you. It'll be easier on all of us if you just go with it.
(Manny gritted his hair, took a deep breath to steel himself, and went back to Crash)
Manny: So what do you want me to do?
Crash: Pull the tree and shoot me into the pond.
(Manny looked from tree to pond)
Manny: I don't know.
Crash: Well, if you're too lame to do it, we can get Ellie.
MANNY: No, no, no. No, I can do it. I can do it.
(He pulled the tree back with his trunk)
Crash: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
(Crash assumed a takeoff position and licked a finger to test the wind)
Crash: Come on. Come on.
Manny: Have you done this before?
Crash: Ha! Only a million times. Farther! Farther! Farther! Perfect. Fire!
(Manny did as he was told. SPRONG! The tree snapped upright and Crash went soaring through the air)
CRASH: Yeah! I can fly! (SINGS) I believe I can fly…
(SMASH! He whammed headfirst into an oak tree and plopped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Acorns rained down around him)
Eddie: (YELLS) Crash!
Manny: Uh-oh.
(Everyone ran to his side in a panic. Crash was curled up in a ball, his legs twitching)
Eddie: Oh, Crash! Crash! Crash, are you okay?
(Ellie came back to see what was wrong)
Ellie: What happened?
Eddie: Manny shot him out of a tree.
(She looked at Ellie crossly)
Ellie: What's wrong with you?
Manny: He said he could do it.
Ellie: And you listened to him.
(They heard Crash moan. Eddie fell dramatically to his knees and held his brother in his arms)
Eddie: Crash, whatever you do, don't go into the light!
Manny: Can I help in any way here?
Ellie: You've done enough. Just go. Please.
(Manny glared at Sid and Diego)
Manny: Are you happy now?
(They felt terrible)
EDDIE: Crash! Crash, don't leave me! Who's gonna watch my back? Who's gonna be my wingman of mayhem? Who's gonna roll in that dung patch with me?
(At the words "dung patch" one of Crash's eyes sprang open)
Crash: Dung patch? Wait! My legs! I can stand!
Eddie: He can stand!
Crash: I can run!
Eddie: He can run! It's a miracle!
Ellie: Hallelujah!
(Whooping and hollering, they bounced off to the dung patch, dove in, and began to roll)
(Manny and Sid looked at Ellie)
ELLIE: Yeah! (CHUCKLING) Ooh! What can I say? They're boys. They make my life a little adventure.
(Then she stormed over to her brothers, glowering)
Ellie: You guys are so dead! Thanks for embarrassing me!
(She loomed over them, threatening to give them both a good thrashing)
EDDIE: Ow! Not the face!
(Manny and Sid winced)
(EXT. FRANCE — DUSK. Manny watched as Ellie, Crash, and Eddie played with each other, having a fun family moment)
EDDIE: Ellie! Ellie! Me too!
(His eyes glazed over as he tilted his head to the side)
DIEGO: She's not half bad.
(Manny snapped out of his daze and turned to face Sid and Diego. He picked up a log that was in his way and swung it, almost beheading Sid and Diego)
Diego: Crazy and confused, but sweet.
Manny: So?
(Manny picked up another log and moved it as Sid and Diego jumped over it to avoid getting hit again. Sid stood on one of the logs as Manny lifted it up)
Diego: So, what's holding you back?
Manny: My family.
Sid: You can have that again, you know.
Manny: No, Sid, I can't.
Sid: (YELPING) Okay, okay. But think about it. If you let this chance go, you're letting your whole species go… And that's just, uh… That's just selfish.
(Manny stormed off after tossing the log–with Sid still in it–out of the way)
Sid: I think I'm starting to get through him.
(As the sun began to set that evening, Crash and Eddie led the way through a ruined forest. The ground had become mushy, and all the trees were tipped over at odd angles. The nimble possums climbed over them and ducked under them like kids on a playground)
Ellie: Wait, wait. I got you.
CRASH: Slowpoke!
(Ellie tried to follow, but she was soon wedged under a fallen tree)
(Behind her she could see Manny trudging through the mess, using his trunk to uproot the trees in his way and toss them aside)
MANNY: Need help?
Ellie: No. No. Just, uh, catching my breath.
Manny: You're stuck.
Ellie: I am not.
Manny: All right. Then let's go.
(He lumbered off again through the swampy forest)
ELLIE: I can't. I'm stuck.
Manny: Don't you think that picking them up like this would be easier?
(He lifted the tree and freed her)
(Suddenly, Ellie fell silent and all of her senses snapped alert. She felt as if mysterious but familiar voices were calling to her. She started moving forward, spellbound)
Manny: Ellie?
(EXT. WILLOW TREE MEADOW — DUSK. Curious, Manny followed her into a beautiful, wide-open meadow. The setting sun shone behind the trees in deep red and purple hues, lighting them up like stained glass. It was the most magical place she had ever seen)
(The tops of the willow trees swayed in the gentle breeze, taking on the shapes of different mammoths. Manny stopped in front of one of the trees. The sun flashed on its branches, lighting up its familiar form)
Ellie: I know this place.
(EXT. WILLOW TREE MEADOW — DAY — FLASHBACK. In a flash, she was looking at herself as a young mammoth. There was snow on the ground, and she was running around frantically searching for something. She was all alone, shivering in the sharp biting wind. She saw herself huddle up, crying and afraid, under the shelter of a tree. It was this tree! The very same tree she was looking at right now)
(And there, hanging from the branch above, she could see a possum. Ellie saw her infant self wipe away her tears as she looked up into the kindly mama possum's eyes. Two little baby possums peeked out at her from behind their mother. Her brothers!)
(EXT. WILLOW TREE MEADOW — DUSK. Ellie realized she was seeing a memory from long ago)
(Manny saw her ashen expression and watched her as she looked back and, for the first time, really noticed her footprint next to him. She studied them for a while, then carefully lifted her foot and placed it in his footprint. She looked up at Manny with tears in her eyes)
Manny: A mammoth never forgets.
(Then we walked down the meadow)
Ellie: You know, deep down I knew I was different. I was a little bigger than the other possum kids. Okay, a lot bigger. Oh! Now I understand why the possum boys didn't find me appealing.
Manny: That's too bad because as far as mammoths go, you're, uh… You know.
Ellie: What?
Manny: Well, um… Uh… Well, attractive.
Ellie: Really?
Manny: Sure.
Ellie: What about me is attractive?
Manny: Huh? Well… Oh, well, I don't know. Uh… Uh, well, there's your… Uh, butt?
Ellie: What about it?
Manny: It's… big?
Ellie: Oh, you're just saying that!
Manny: No. No! No, I mean it. It's huge! Biggest darn butt I've ever seen.
Ellie: Oh! That is really sweet! What a crazy day. This morning I woke up a possum… And now I'm a mammoth.
(Manny smiled, delighted)
Ellie: Come on. Let's go uproot something. I want to see what this new mammoth body can do.
Manny: But you've always had that body!
(Ellie had already raced halfway down the hill)
(Manny shrugged and hurried off after her)
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN — DUSK. Cretaceous moves closer to see where the bubbles are coming from while Maelstrom eyes the hole in the lava tube)
(As the dam continued to release water and cracked ice, Scrat managed to climb up to the nest where his acorn was)
Scrat: (GASPS AND SQUEALING) (GASPS)
(He spotted his acorn and hugged it it as they were both together again)
Scrat: (SNUFFS AND WHINES) (PANTING) Ooh!
(Suddenly, Scrat heard cracking and looked at his acorn to see if there were any cracks on it. Then he heard the cracks again as he looked over and saw a baby Condor chick hatch from it's egg. The newborn looked at Scrat and then saw his acorn chirping softly. Noticing that the chick was looking straight at his acorn, Scrat gripped it tightly while giving him a displeasing look. The chick looked at Scrat's acorn as Scrat moved it different positions, while it was still in his grip. After realizing that the Chick was after his acorn, Scrat screamed while the chick screeched)
Scrat: Bah!
Condor Chick: (SQUAWKS)
(The condor chased Scrat around the nest before grabbing a hold of his tail, and taking his acorn away. Scrat, unwilling to give up without a fight, leaped after the chick, grabbing a hold of it's legs)
Scrat: (FEROCIOUS YELLING)
(The two then battle for the acorn until the nut is launched into the air. Scrat tries to catch his acorn, but the condor prevents him from doing so. It then swallows it, causing Scrat to open up it's mouth and yank his acorn from inside. The condor chick tries to eat Scrat but ends up missing him as Scrat ducked his head)
Scrat: (GRUNTS) (WHIMPERS)
(Prepared to fight the condor chick once more, Scrat looks up and sees that the condor chick's mother had arrived, snarling at him)
Condor Chick: (CHIRPS)
Scrat: (PEEPS)
(Scrat tries to act like a condor to try to fool the adult condor but is knocked out of the nest without his acorn, as the baby condor waves goodbye to him)
(EXT. CAMPSITE — EARLY EVENING. Sid was setting up camp so everyone could settle in for a much-needed rest. He lit the campfire, and countless little eyes gleamed at him from the surrounding darkness. Diego stepped into the circle of light, and the eyes quickly vanished)
Sid: Boy, Manny sure took a big leap with Ellie today.
Diego: He sure did.
Sid: Yup. He stood on the shore of uncertainty and dove right in. Splash! Kind of brave, huh, the way he faced his fear?
Diego: I wouldn't know. Sabers don't feel fear.
Sid: Oh, come on. All mammals feel fear. It's what separates us from, say, rocks. Rocks have no fear. And they sink.
Diego: What are you getting at, Sid?
Sid: It may surprise you to know that I, too, have experienced fear.
Diego: No! You?
Sid: Oh, yeah, yes. As impossible as it seems, the woman has natural enemies that would like to harm or otherwise "kill" us.
Diego: I wonder why.
Sid: Oh, jealousy mostly. But the point is that fear is natural.
Diego: Fear is for prey.
(Then he stormed away from the annoying sloth)
Sid: Well, then you're letting the water make you its prey.
(The idea hit Diego like a splash of cold water in the face. He stopped in his tracks and stared back at his friend)
Sid: Just jump in, trust your instincts, and attack the water.
(He leapt into the bushes and crouched in diving position)
Sid: You know, most animals can swim as babies. And for a tiger, it's like crawling on your belly to stalk innocent, helpless prey.
(Sid lowered himself down right next to Diego on a dangling vine. He swung around on the vine as if he were swimming through the air)
Sid: But faster, okay? (instructing Diego) Now, claw, kick, claw, kick. I'm stalking the prey. Claw, kick.
(He lifted his head to demonstrate)
Sid: Now, I look back over my shoulder to see if I'm being followed and I'm breathing… (INHALES)
(She made imaginary swimming strokes with her arms)
Sid: And I'm stalking, and I'm stalking. And I'm… (SCREAMS)
(Diego reached up with his paw and sliced the rope)
Sid: I'm falling.
(SPLAT! He hit the ground face first)
(Diego loomed over her)
Diego: Correction. You're sinking, kind of like a rock.
(EXT. WILLOW TREE MEADOW — EVENING. At the same time, Manny was doing a different kind of sinking all his own. He and Ellie continued to marvel over her new identity)
Ellie: Oh! Hey, do we do any special tricks like roll over or do we just throw our weight around?
(She nudged him with her shoulder and nearly knocked him over)
Manny: (GRUNTS) Whoa!
Ellie: Whoops! Sorry. I don't know my own strength yet.
Manny: Ellie, do you realize that now we have a chance to save our species?
Ellie: Really? How we gonna do that?
(He was afraid to look her in the eye)
Manny: Oh, well, you know.
(Ellie thought for a second)
Ellie: Oh, uh-uh. Did you just…
MANNY: No, I didn't mean…
Ellie: Unbelievable! I'm not a mammoth for five minutes, and you're hitting on me?
Manny: I wasn't saying… Not right now. Um, in time.
(Manny tried to backpedal)
Manny: I was just saying that it's our responsibility.
Ellie: What?
Manny: Uh, all right. That came out wrong. I… You're very pretty, but we just met and…
Ellie: Responsibility? Just doing your duty, huh? Is that it? Ready to make the ultimate sacrifice to save your species.
Manny: Uh…
Ellie: Well, I got some news for you. You're not saving the species tonight or any other night.
(She stormed off to find her brothers)
(INT. LOCAL POLICE STATION, MADRID — EVENING. Sam had his head between his wings. Jean was so frustrated he was literally banging his head against a desk)
JEAN PIERRE: Okay. What about this comedian bear? He is too stupid to be stupid. He must be some sort of genius.
(Finally, Sam conceded)
Sam the Eagle: Maybe your "Lemur" hunch is correct. (SIGHS)
(Although Jean wished it were that simple, he had just discovered a flyer)
Jean Pierre: Except for the fact that Les Muppets play tomorrow night at the Dublin Theatre. Which just happens to be next door to the Irish National Bank! Maybe your Muppet hunch is… Correct.
Sam the Eagle: It's almost as if we're…
Both: Not so different after all.
Jean Pierre: Come, come, mon ami! We must follow the Muppets to Dublin!
Sam the Eagle: To Dublin!
Jean Pierre+: Après vous.
Sam the Eagle+: No, no, after you.
Jean Pierre+: No, après vous.
Sam the Eagle+: No, please, after you.
Jean Pierre+: Mon cher ami, après vous.
Sam the Eagle+: I insist.
(INT. TRAIN CAR, EN ROUTE TO IRELAND — EVENING. As Walter wanders around, he heard a voice)
CONSTANTINE: Kremlin!
(Walter looked out the door and saw that Constantine is karate-chopping wood)
Constantine: Putin!
(Walter walked across the room and entered inside just in time to hear crazy music made by the Muppets (Zoot, Animal, Sweetums, Lips, Thog, Janice, Floyd, Marvin Suggs and his Muppaphone, Dr. Teeth))
MISS PIGGY: No, what are you doing?
(The Electric Mayhem went crazy and destroyed their instruments. Pepé hosted a gambling party)
Sean Combs: Okay, number five, baby. Blow.
Pepé: Come on.
(He blow the dice)
Sean Combs: There you go. You know the routine.
Pepé: Come on, Diddy Daddy!
(The dice show number five. They cheer!)
Walter: Hey, guys? Fellas?
(But things escalated quickly. Gonzo rode his motorcycle. It was absolutely out of control!)
Walter: (ducking) Ah!
(That was a close call!)
ZOOT: Whoa, man!
Sweetums: Hey, did you see that?
Walter: (WHISTLES LOUDLY)
(The music stopped)
Walter: Um, do you guys think that Kermit's been acting a little weird lately?
All: No.
(They were too busy having fun, too busy doing whatever they wanted)
Walter: (SIGHS) You're probably right. It's just me.
(Animal felt bored)
Animal: (SIGHING) Bad frog.
(EXT. CAMPSITE — EVENING. Manny slunk over to the campfire next to Sid and Diego)
Diego: So, how did it go?
Manny: Mmm. Not bad.
(A few minutes later, Ellie stomped into camp with her brothers on her back and stomped her foot onto the puddle, extinguishing the campfire)
ELLIE: Okay, let's go. We traveled with you all day. Now you're coming with us at night.
Manny: But we can't see at night.
Ellie: (stomping off) Then enjoy the flood.
(Eddie threw Manny a disgusted glance)
EDDIE: I can't even look at him.
Crash: Pervert!
(Sid looked at Manny and shook his head)
Sid: Making friends. Everywhere you go, just making friends.
(Manny shrugged sheepishly, as the four pals lined up obediently to follow Ellie out into the night)
(EXT. MISTY CHASM — NIGHT. As the night wore on, a thick fog rolled in, and Diego took the lead while the possums used their agility and keen night vision to help them avoid hazards. Manny and Sid brought up the rear. Sid stubs his toe on the stump)
Crash: Watch out. There's a stump.
Sid: (STRAINED) Not anymore.
(Manny struggled to catch up with Ellie)
Manny: I, uh… I thought we could walk together.
Ellie: Crash, ask the mammoth why he thought that.
Crash: She said she thinks you're a jerk and to go away.
Manny: She didn't say– (WHACK! Hits his forehead on a rock) Ow!
(He stopped himself and tried to speak calmly to Ellie)
Manny: Look, maybe if we spend more time– (hits his leg on something) Ow!
Ellie: Tell him that I need a little personal space right now.
Crash: She said go jump in a lake.
Eddie: And possums rule!
Manny: I can hear her, you know?
Crash: What do you want, a medal?
(Manny shook his head)
(Suddenly, though the dense fog, they had accidentally walked right onto a high pile of tippy rocks!)
(The pals gasped and shuffled to a stop. They felt the whole rock formation shifting under their feet. It was tilting from side to side, like a seesaw, between two cliffs)
All: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Ellie: Let's get off this thing!
(Ellie and the possums ran back back toward one of the cliffs, but the formation leaned and crashed against the cliff wall, sending the wall crumbling down, and leaving them all standing on a high, swaying island of rock)
Crash & Eddie (Both): Aaaaaieeeee!
(They leaped into each other's arms, causing the formation to wobble even more)
Diego: Everybody relax! Stop moving!
MANNY: Whoa!
(They froze, and the rocks stopped swaying)
DIEGO: Thank you.
(With that, the rock under theirs collapsed, and Diego and Manny fell to a rock below. Ellie and Sid and the possums were still clinging to the larger rock above, but it began to tilt)
Diego: Manny, Ellie! Lock trunks!
(Manny and Ellie eyed each other warily)
Diego: Now!
(Manny reached his truck up and locked it with Ellie. The big rock tipped backward. They anchored their feet and held on for dear life, together just barely keeping the rock in balance)
(Diego eyed the ledge opposite them and thought fast)
Diego: Crash, Eddie! Grab on to that ledge!
(Eddie and Crash peered over the edge of their rock. It was a long, long way to the ground and a long distance to the next ledge)
Eddie: Funny! Now what's your real plan?
Diego: Just do it! What I say!
(Crash and Eddie turned and bade each other a teary-eyed farewell)
Crash: Bye, Eddie.
Eddie: Bye, Crash.
Crash: Bye, Ellie!
Diego: Go now!
(The possum brothers screamed and jumped)
(Eddie wrapped his tail around the rock and, holding Crash by his hands, swung like a trapeze artist toward the ledge, while Manny and Ellie hung on)
Manny: Um, uh… I'm sorry if what I said before offended you.
Ellie: What do you mean, "if" it offended me?
(She pulled back, and the rocks began to tip)
(Crash is desperate to help them patch things up before it was too late)
Crash: That it offended her! That it offended her!
Manny: I mean "that." That it offended you.
(Ellie inched closer)
Manny: You just overreacted, that's all.
Ellie: What?
(She pulled back again and the rocks wobbled)
Crash: Take it back!
Eddie: There are other lives at stake here!
Sid: Wait a minute. She's got a point.
(The rocks shook)
Crash: He's got nothing!
Sid: It was a misunderstanding!
Eddie: It was insensitive!
(The rocks were teetering precariously)
Diego: Apologize, Manny! Now!
Manny: Why me? She overreacted!
(The rocks pitched back and forth on the brink of collapse)
Eddie: This wouldn't be happening if Dad had let her date Cousin Vinnie.
Diego: Just apologize!
MANNY: No!
Diego: Do it!
Ellie: Okay. I'm sorry.
All: What?
(The rocks stopped wobbling and swaying)
ELLIE: She's right. I overreacted.
Manny: You mean you…
Diego: Not another word, or I'll come down there and push you over myself!
(Manny buttoned his lips. The acrobatic possums were finally able to swing their rock over to the solid ledge. They hopped off to safety, followed by Sid, then Manny and Ellie. The last one off, Diego leaped toward them just as the entire rock formation began to give way behind him. Ellie and Manny caught him with their trunks as the rock formation collapsed to the ground in a great thundering avalanche)
(Ellie glanced at Manny, exhausted but triumphant)
Ellie: I guess we finally did something right together.
(Manny stopped and looked at her)
DIEGO: Hey, don't mind me. Just hanging off the edge of a cliff here. Ho-hoo.
(Manny and Ellie flipped him up to safety, and everyone heaved a sigh of relief)
(When the fog lifted, they made their way down the hillside)
(EXT. CAMPSITE, IRELAND — NIGHT. Sid built a campfire. Soon everyone had flopped down around it to sleep)
Sid: (SIGHS) Remember the good old days?
(He adjusted the rock beneath him)
Diego: Which good old days?
Sid: Oh, you know, yesterday, last week… Back when the trees went up and down and the ground stayed under our feet?
Diego: (CHUCKLES) Yup. Those were the good days. Possums were possums and mammoths were mammoths. We should get some sleep.
Sid: Yeah. Tomorrow's the day the vulture said that we're all gonna die.
(And with that, he laid his head on the rock and drifted off to sleep)
(Manny stirred and peeked up at Ellie as she lifted the sleeping brothers and hung them by their tails from a branch, kissed them each good night, and smoothed down the ruffled skin on hop their heads)
(Then she climbed the tree and wrapped her legs around a branch to sleep next to them. Her weight bend the limb down so far that her arm was lying on the ground. Manny fell back asleep, smiling)
(The bed that Sid was sleeping on suddenly rose up off the ground and began moving away from the campfire)
(EXT. IRELAND — NIGHT. He opened one eye. Either the whole landscape was moving or he was!)
Sid: Wait a minute.
(He looked down over the side of the bark bed, only to discover that a team of MINI-SLOTHS was carrying it off)
Sid: Uh, can I help you?
(EXT. FIRE CAMP — NIGHT. As they approached a clearing, Sid could see a whole tribe of sloths waiting for them)
(He stared at them, and the mini-sloths stared googly-eyed back at him. They all dropped to their knees in unison. One reverent frog held up a large melon)
Sid: For me?
(Before Sid could grab it, the sloth shoved it into Sid's mouth, while another handed him a flower)
(He sniffed it)
Sid: Aaaaachoooo!
(He sneezed melon all over one of the sloths in the crowd, and he went into raptures of joy)
Sid: Mmm. Now, that's what I call respect.
(Two sloths placed a crown of flowers on Sid's head)
Sid: Ooh! Nice.
(The sloths turned him so he was facing a gigantic fifty-foot-high sculpture of…himself)
Sid: Somebody here likes Sid. Who is your decorator? I mean, this is fabulous.
(The sloths dumped him off her bed with a thud. The chief of the tribe solemnly pointed to the rocks in Sid's hand)
Female Mini-Sloth: Fire King. Rocks.
Sid: Fire King? Hmm! Well, you know, it's about time someone recognized my true potential. Let there be fire!
(He smashed the rocks together and sparks flew, igniting the bubbling tar pit below the statue. Jets of fire exploded up into the air)
All: Oh!
(Sid felt the hot sizzle! His toes stepped on the sizzling vine)
Sid: (GASPS) Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!
Mini-Sloths: Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch!
(Sid froze. The sloths did the pose)
Sid: Hey!
Mini-Sloths: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Sid: Ahh! (WHOOPING)
Mini-Sloths: (WHOOPING)
Sid: (CHUCKLES) Wacka, wacka, wacka, wacka.
Mini-Sloths: Wackaka, wackaka, wackaka, wackaka, wackaka, wackaka, wack!
Sid: (HOOTING)
Mini-Sloths: (HOOTING) (CHANTING, SQUEALING)
Sid: (RHYTHMIC TONGUE CLICKING)
Mini-Sloths: (RHYTHMIC TONGUE CLICKING)
Sid: Humina, humina, humina, humina, humina, humina. (EXHALES)
Mini-Sloths: Humina, humina, humina, humina, humina, humina, ooh!
(ALL VOCALIZING)
(Sid strutted across the stage like a rock star, with plumes of fire shooting up all around him)
(A special toad brigade formed a mini pyramid and lifted Sid up to the pinnacle. Sid waved and blew kisses. The sloths danced and spun through a dazzling display of pyrotechnics until the grand finale)
Sid: If only the guys could see me now.
(He felt them wrapping a long rope around his body and pulling it tight)
Sid: This is either really good or really bad.
(EXT. SACRIFICE ROOM, FIRE CAMP — NIGHT. The sloths stopped before a deep crevasse, with a seething, bubbling tar pit at the bottom)
(Sid panicked)
Sid: (SCREAMS) Oh, no, no, no, no, no! Me Fire King. Why kill Fire King? A thousand years bad juju for killing Fire King.
Female Mini-Sloth: Superheated rock from the Earth's core is surging to the crust, melting ice built up over thousands of years.
Sid: You're a very advanced race. Together we can look for a solution!
Female Mini-Sloth: We have one. Sacrifice the Fire King.
Sid: Well, that's not very advanced.
Female Mini-Sloth: Worth a shot.
(The toads pitched him into the pit)
SID: No! No! Aahhhhhhhhhh!
(The mini-sloths cheered. They lifted their little arms and danced)
(Sid felt his head burn off in the intense heat as he plummeted down to his fiery doom. But like a natural bungee cord, the rope caught and held him just before he hit the bottom. He grabbed hold of something–a giant dinosaur bone! All around him, dinosaur skeletons gleamed in the flaming mist. As he let go, the bungee vine sprang up, sending Sid rocketing up out of the pit)
(The sloths cheered even louder! Then down he plummeted again, this time getting tangled in a big pile of bones)
(With one last hurrah, the sloths declared the Fire King dead)
(But at that moment, a huge dinosaur skeleton sprang up out of the pit, flew through the air, and crashed on top of the statue of Sid. The sloths saw Sid trapped inside the skeleton)
Female Mini-Sloth: Bad juju!
(The crowd screamed in terror. Bats flew out of the statue's nose, and Sid used one of the bones to bat at them. Suddenly, the whole monument began to crumble and the toads scurried for cover)
(Sid went flying into a deep ravine. He tumbled down the side and landed, hard, on the ground)
(INT. STAGE, GULAG 38B — DAY. The following morning, Kermit watched the current acts from the prisoners. They were awful. Bad music, terrible dancing, and depressing songs. He thought being stuck in the Gulag stinks!)
Prisoners: *(TUNELESSLY) Come to the end of the road
*Still I can't let go
*It's unnatural
*You belong to me
*I belong to you*
(Nadya thought so, too)
Nadya: Enough! You're all terrible.
(She turned to Kermit)
Nadya: Fix this. Or it's The Wall.
Kermit: Oh. Of course.
(Kermit gulped. He nervously before the other prisoners)
Kermit: Guys, um... (CLEARS THROAT) First of all, I'm not sure if this is the best opening number. It's always good to start with an up-tempo song and dance and then go into a comedy routine. You really want to save your ballad until the end.
Big Papa: But we like Boyz II Men!
Prison King: It is Big Papa's favorite song. Lot of emotions in that song for him.
Danny Trejo: I'm not learning no other song. I'm a triple threat! A singer, a dancer and a murderer!
(As the prisoners raised their voices in protest, Kermit was reminded of the arguments he used to have with his fellow Muppet performers)
Animal: Drum solo! Drum solo!
Gonzo: When do I do the indoor running of the bulls?
Floyd: What about the band's marathon jam session?
Miss Piggy: Four or five musical numbers.
(Finally…)
Kermit+: Quiet! Now, look! This song does not work. It's a six-part harmony, for crying out loud! Forget it, it's not happening. Now you…
(Big Papa stops Kermit by eyeballing him)
Kermit+: You're… You're not eyeballing me. Are you eyeballing me?
Big Papa+: No, no.
Kermit: Are you eyeballing me? Now, look! We are holding auditions tomorrow. And if any of you have a problem with that, any of you, then my door is always open!
(Nadya was smitten with the stronger side of Kermit)
Nadya: Thank you, Kermit. This is what we've all been waiting to hear.
Kermit: You have?
Prison King: Teach us, Kermit. We will do whatever frog say. Put it there.
(INT. CELL, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Kermit got ready for bed. Nadya stood beside him)
Nadya: Good night, frog. Nice work today.
Kermit: Thanks, Nadya.
Nadya: Even if your friends don't need you, we certainly do.
Kermit: Good night.
(Nadya walked off and say good night to the other prisoners)
Nadya: (O.S.) Good night, Big Papa.
Big Papa: (O.S.) 'Night, Nadya.
Nadya: (O.S.) Good night, Carl.
Big Mean Carl: (O.S.) Good night, Nadya.
Nadya: (O.S.) Good night, Prison King.
Prison King: (O.S.) Good night, Nadya.
Nadya: (O.S.) Good night, Skullcrusher.
Skullcrusher: (O.S.) Good night.
Nadya: (O.S.) Good night, Danny Trejo.
Danny Trejo: (O.S.) Good night, Nadya.
(Kermit looked out the window. He hears Nadya's voice of how his friends didn't need him)
NADYA: No one believes in family in the Gulag, frog. People are only ever out for themselves.
(INT. WALTER'S ROOM, TOUR TRAIN — NIGHT. Walter just knew something wasn't right)
(EXT. THE NORTH MOUNTAIN — DAY. Anna, Kristoff, Sven, and Olaf move through hostile terrain. Wind-swept icicles face horizontal)
Kristoff: So, how exactly are you planning to stop this weather?
Anna: (confident) Oh. I am gonna talk to my sister.
Kristoff: That's your plan? My ice business is riding on you talking to your sister?
Anna: Yep.
(Kristoff, so stunned by Anna's casual plan, doesn't look where he's going and ends up with an ice-spike to the nose. He stops shorts, GULP, moves carefully around the spike)
Kristoff: So, you're not at all afraid of her?
Anna: Why would I be?
Olaf: Yeah. I bet she's the nicest, gentlest, warmest person ever.
(Olaf backs right into an icicle. It runs through his torso)
Olaf: Oh. Look at that. I've been impaled.
(He laughs it off)
(EXT. STEEP MOUNTAIN FACE — DAY. Anna and Kristoff hit what looks like a dead end. The face of the mountain goes straight up)
Anna: What now?
(Kristoff looks around, sighs. Digs in his rucksack)
KRISTOFF: Mmm... It's too steep. I've only got one rope and you don't know how to climb mountains.
ANNA: Says who?
(Sven nudges Kristoff, who looks up to see Anna trying to climb the cliff's flat face)
Kristoff: (finding you ridiculous) What are you doing?
Anna: (straining) I'm going to see my sister.
Kristoff: You're gonna kill yourself.
(Kristoff watches them searching for footholds and hand-holds)
Kristoff: I wouldn't put my foot there.
Anna: (O.S.) You're distracting me.
Kristoff: Or there. How do you know Elsa even wants to see you?
ANNA: All right. I'm just blocking you out because I'm gotta concentrate, here. (GRUNTING)
Kristoff: You know, most people who disappear into the mountains want to be alone.
Anna: (O.S.) Nobody wants to be alone. Except maybe you.
Kristoff: I'm not alone. I have friends, remember?
(Anna kicks a foot above her head to catch a foot hold)
ANNA: You mean, the love experts?
Kristoff: Yes, the love experts.
(Anna realizes she's stuck)
Anna: (GRUNTS) Ah… Please tell me I'm almost there.
(REVEAL: she's only about six feet up. Her muscles shake)
Anna: Does the air seem a bit thin to you up here?
(Kristoff smiles, getting a kick out of her)
Kristoff: (CHUCKLES) Hang on.
(He pulls the rope from his bag. Just then, Olaf steps out from behind a rock and waves to Kristoff)
OLAF: Hey, Sven? Not sure if this is gonna solve the problem, but I found a staircase that leads exactly where you wanted to go.
Anna: Ha-ha! Thank goodness. Catch!
(Anna drops off the cliff. Kristoff catches her)
Anna: Thanks. That was like a crazy trust exercise.
(She hops down, brushes off her dress, and bounds off. Kristoff watches after her, digging her fearless pluck)
(EXT. BASE OF THE ICE PALACE — DAY. Anna, Kristoff, Olaf, and Sven approach the winter campus)
BOTH: Whoa.
Kristoff: Now, that's ice. I might cry.
Anna: Go ahead. I won't judge.
(Anna climbs the steps with Olaf. Sven tries to follow. His hooves slip out. He scrambles but can't get traction. Kristoff runs to his side)
Kristoff: All right, take it easy, boy. Come here. I got you. (GRUNTS)
(Kristoff settles Sven back down the stairs and pats him)
Kristoff: Okay. You stay right here, buddy.
(Sven obediently plops his reindeer butt down and wags his tail. Kristoff climbs the stairs, admiring the ice details)
Kristoff: Flawless.
(Anna arrives at the door. Hesitates)
Olaf: Knock. (she doesn't) Just knock. (she doesn't. To Kristoff) Why isn't she knocking? Do you think she knows how to knock?
(Anna finally KNOCKS. The sound echoes inside. The ice doors slide open)
Anna: (EXHALES) Huh. It opened. That's a first.
(Anna goes to step in. Kristoff follows. She gets a thought, stops him)
Anna: Oh. You should probably wait out here.
Kristoff: What?
Anna: The last time I introduced her to a guy, she froze everything.
Kristoff: But, but... Oh, come on! It's a palace made of ice. Ice is my life!
Olaf: Bye, Sven.
(Olaf starts to head inside. Anna stops him)
Anna: You, too, Olaf.
Olaf: Me?
Anna: Just give us a minute.
Olaf: Okay.
(As Anna walks inside. Olaf starts counting)
Olaf: (SOFTLY) One, two, three...
(Kristoff joins in)
BOTH: Four...
(INT. ELSA'S PALACE — DAY. Anna walks into a great foyer. The place is beautiful, but also eerie)
Anna: Elsa? It's me, Anna.
(Anna slips. Steadies herself)
ELSA: Anna.
(Elsa steps out of the shadows onto a balcony. She sees Anna, looks to her longingly)
(Anna can't help but he struck by Elsa's beauty)
Anna: Whoa. Elsa, you look different. It's a good different. And this place... It's amazing.
Elsa: (cautious, polite) Thank you. I never knew what I was capable of.
(Anna starts to walk forward)
Anna: I'm so sorry about what happened. If I'd known…
(Elsa backs up, away from Anna)
Elsa: (on guard) No, no, no. It's okay. You don't have to apologize, but you should probably go. Please.
Anna: But I got here.
Elsa: You belong in Arendelle.
Anna: So do you.
(Anna takes another step up. Elsa backs up more)
Elsa: No, Anna, I belong here. Alone. Where I can be who I am with hurting anybody.
Anna: Actually, about that…
OLAF: Fifty eight, fifty nine, sixty!
Elsa: Wait. What is that?
(Olaf comes running to the cliff. He waves)
Olaf: Hi! I'm Olaf and I like warm hugs!
Elsa: (shocked) Olaf?
(Olaf stops beside Anna, looks up at Elsa, intimidated)
Olaf: (bashful) Yeah. You built me. Remember that?
Elsa: (astonished) And you're alive?
Olaf: Um… I think so.
(Anna kneels down beside Olaf)
Anna: He's just like the one you built as kids.
Elsa: Yeah.
Anna: Elsa, we were so close. We can be like that again.
(Elsa smiles, but then a memory returns to her)
YOUNG ANNA: Catch me!
YOUNG ELSA: Slow down!
(FLASHBACK: Young Anna is struck by Elsa's powers)
Young Elsa: Anna!
(Young Anna falls unconscious. Young Elsa races to her)
(THE PRESENT: Elsa's face sinks in pain)
Elsa: No. We can't.
(Elsa turns and heads up the second story steps)
Elsa: Goodbye, Anna.
Anna: Elsa, wait.
Elsa: (calling back) No, I'm just trying to protect you.
(Elsa continues to flee. Anna pursues)
Anna: You don't have to protect me. I'm not afraid. Please don't shut me out again.
(Anna sings)
("For the First Time in Forever (Reprise)")
Anna: *Please don't slam the door.
*You don't have to keep your distance anymore.
*'Cause for the first time in forever,
*I finally understand.
*For the first time in forever,
*We can fix this hand in hand.
We can head down this mountain together.
*You don't have to live in fear.
*'Cause for the first time in forever,
*I will be right here.
(They arrive on the top floor, Elsa's main living space. Elsa turns back to Anna, grateful, but determined)
Elsa: Anna. *Please go back home.
*Your life awaits.
*Go enjoy the sun
*And open up the gates.
Anna: Yeah, but…
Elsa: I know! *You mean well,
*But leave me be.
*Yes, I'm alone but I'm alone and free.
(Elsa opens up the balcony doors)
Elsa: *Just stay away and you'll be safe from me.
Anna: *Actually, we're not.
Elsa: *What do you mean you're not?
Anna: *I get the feeling you don't know?
Elsa: *What do I not know?
Anna: *Arendelle's in deep, deep, deep, deep snow.
Elsa: What?
(Elsa looks past Anna's shoulder out white-peaked mountains)
Anna: You kind of set off an eternal winter everywhere.
Elsa: Everywhere?
Anna: Well. it's okay, you can just unfreeze it.
Elsa: No, I can't. I don't know how.
Anna: Sure you can. I know you can.
(Snow starts to swirl around the room)
Anna: *'Cause for the first time in forever,
Elsa: *(panicking) Oh, I'm such a fool!
*I can't be free!
Anna: *You don't have to be afraid.
Elsa: *No escape from the storm inside of me!
(The snow picks up. Anna tries to fight through it)
Anna: *We can work this out together.
Elsa: *I can't control the curse!
Anna: *We'll reverse the storm you've made.
Elsa: *Anna, please you'll only make it worse!
Anna: *Don't panic.
Elsa: *There's so much fear!
Anna: *We'll make the sun shine bright.
Elsa: *You're not safe here!
Anna: *We can face this thing together
(But as Anna sings, we lose sight of her in the thickening blizzard taking over the room)
Elsa: *No!
Anna: (O.S.) *We can change this winter weather,
*And everything will be…
(Anna's voice disappears in the storm as Elsa cries out)
Elsa: *I can't!*
(Elsa's fear, so strong, sucks the blizzard back into her and then it bursts out, unwittingly, like a sharp snowflake)
(Anna is STRUCK right in the heart. She grasps her chest in pain and stumbles back. She falls to her knees)
(Elsa gasps when sees Anna. Just then, Olaf and Kristoff rush into the room to Anna's side)
KRISTOFF: Anna! Are you okay?
Anna: I'm okay. I'm fine.
(Anna gets to her feet, determined to hide the pain)
Elsa: (scared) Who's this? Wait, it doesn't matter. Just... You have to go.
Anna: No, I know we can figure this out together.
Elsa: (desperate) How? What power do you have to stop this winter? To stop me?
(Anna doesn't have the answer. Kristoff sees spiky ice shadows creeping down the walls. Puts a protective arm around Anna)
Kristoff: Anna, I think we should go.
Anna: (close to tears) No, I'm not leaving without you, Elsa.
Elsa: (heartbroken but decisive) Yes, you are.
(Elsa waves her arms and builds a giant, menacing snowman. We'll call him MARSHMALLOW)
(EXT. ICE PALACE — DUSK. Marshmallow holds Anna and Kristoff by the scruff of their necks in one hand and Olaf in the other)
ANNA: Stop! Put us down!
Marshmallow: (like a bouncer) Go away.
(Marshmallow tosses Kristoff and Anna down the steps. Anna and Kristoff slide past Sven, who's got his tongue stuck to the ice railing)
Olaf: (O.S.) Heads up!
(Olaf's head smashes into a snowbank nearby)
Olaf: Watch out for my butt!
(Anna and Kristoff duck as the rest of Olaf slams into the snowbank)
(Marshmallow turns to go back into the castle)
(Incensed, Anna tries to march back up the stairs)
Anna: It is not nice to throw people!
(Kristoff grabs her, pulls her back)
Kristoff: Whoa, whoa, whoa, feisty-pants. Okay, relax. Just calm down! Calm down!
Anna: Okay! All right! I'm okay.
Kristoff: Just let the snowman be.
Anna: I'm calm.
Kristoff: Great.
(Anna backs down...for a moment. Then she grabs a snowball and throws it at Marshmallow)
Kristoff: Oh! Come on!
(The tiny little ball hits Marshmallow's back, not making even the slightest dent. But it's enough to infuriate him. He ROARS. Spikes shoots out of his joints)
Kristoff: Oh. Look, see? Now, you made him mad.
Olaf: I'll distract him. You guys go.
(Kristoff pushes Anna along. Sven runs off in the opposite direction. Olaf's body fall and follow Sven)
Olaf: No, no! Not you guys!
(Marshmallow goes charging after Peri and Kristoff as Olaf's head falls and lands face down in snow)
Olaf: (MUFFLED) This just got a whole lot harder.
(Anna and Kristoff leap and slide down a steep slope)
KRISTOFF: Look out!
(They tumble to a stop at the bottom just as Marshmallow lands hard right behind them. They're off again...through a maze of conifers that sag under the weight of the snow, Marshmallow hot on their trail)
KRISTOFF: Run! Run!
(Anna grabs a branch of a sagging trees and releases all of the snow)
KRISTOFF: What are you doing?
(The tree snaps upright, knocking Marshmallow back)
Kristoff: (impressed) Ho-ho-ho!
Anna: I got him! (LAUGHS)
(Anna and Kristoff burst out of the conifer forest and almost run right off a cliff. They stop short, toes on the edge)
KRISTOFF: Whoa! Stop!
ANNA: It's a 100-foot drop.
KRISTOFF: It's 200.
(Kristoff ties the rope around Anna and pulls tight)
Anna: Ow!
(He drops to his knees and starts digging a u-shape in the snow with a pick axe)
Anna: What's that for?
Kristoff: I'm digging a snow anchor.
Anna: (not trusting) Okay. What if we fall?
Kristoff: There's 20 feet of fresh powder down there. It'll be like landing on a pillow. Hopefully.
(They hear an angry ROAR coming closer)
Kristoff: Okay, Anna. On three.
ANNA: Okay.
KRISTOFF: One...
Anna: You tell me when. I'm ready to go.
Kristoff: Two...
Anna: I was born ready! Yes!
Kristoff: Calm down.
(A huge tree flies through the air toward them)
ANNA: Tree!
(Anna jumps and pulls Kristoff over the edge with her. They hang upside down over the cliff by the rope. The rope catches their fall)
KRISTOFF: That happened.
(Back on top, Olaf emerges from the woods. He's a complete mess, all his body parts are in the wrong places. He huffs and puffs, struggling to run)
Olaf: (PANTING) Man, am I out of shape.
(He stops. Puts his body back together in the right order)
Olaf: There we go. Hey, Anna! Sven! Where did you guys go? We totally lost Marshmallow back there.
(Marshmallow steps up behind Olaf. Olaf turns to face him)
Olaf: (happily) Hey! We were just talking about you. All good things, all good things.
(Marshmallow roars and approaches Kristoff's snow anchor)
Olaf: No!
(Olaf jumps onto Marshmallow's leg trying to stop him, but not making much of a difference)
Olaf: This is not making much of a difference, is it?
(Marshmallow flicks Olaf off his leg and right over the cliff)
Olaf: (SHRIEKS)
(Olaf passes Anna and Kristoff)
Anna: Olaf!
Olaf: (GRUNTS) Hang in there, guys!
Anna: Go. Go faster!
(Marshmallow starts yanking Kristoff and Anna's rope up)
Anna: Wait, what?
KRISTOFF: Hey!
(Kristoff's head hits the cliff)
Kristoff: Ow!
(Kristoff passes out and hangs like a rag doll)
Anna: Kristoff!
(Marshmallow pulls them up. He roars and breaths snow all over them)
Marshmallow: Don't come back!
Anna: (grossed out by his snow breath) We won't.
(Anna whips out a knife and cuts the rope. Kristoff comes to just as they fall. They both SCREAM!)
(SLAM!)
(REVEAL: Anna opens her eyes to find herself buried up to her shoulders in the soft thick snow. She laughs)
Anna: Hey, you were right. Just like a pillow. (CHUCKLES) Olaf.
(She looks up to see Olaf's upper half hanging onto Kristoff's boots, which are sticking out of the snow)
Olaf: (shaking the bots) I can't feel my legs! I can't feel my legs!
(Suddenly, Kristoff's head pops up. He spits out snow)
Kristoff: (COUGHING) Those are my legs.
(Olaf's body goes running by)
Olaf: (to Kristoff) Ooh! Hey, do me a favor, grab my body.
(Kristoff grabs Olaf's head and puts it on his body)
Olaf: Oh. That feels better.
(Sven walks up and sniffs Olaf's nose)
Olaf: Hey, Sven! He found us.
(Olaf turns to Anna and Kristoff just as Sven goes to bite off his nose -- and misses)
Olaf: (to Sven, funny voice) Who's my cute little reindeer?
Kristoff: Don't talk to him like that.
Olaf: (CHUCKLING) You're tickling me.
(Kristoff goes over to help Anna, who is stuck in the snow)
Kristoff: Here.
(He lifts her out easily)
Anna: (impressed) Whoa!
Kristoff: Are you okay?
Anna: Thank you.
(They meet eyes. Wait. Is that chemistry?)
Anna: How's your head?
(She touches the spot where he banged his head)
Kristoff: (in pain) Ah! Ooh!
(He catches himself. Waves off the pain with a giggle)
Kristoff: (STAMMERING) It's fine. Uh... Uh, I'm good. I've got a thick skull.
Olaf: I don't have a skull. Or bones.
Kristoff: So, uh...
(The awkwardness is killing him)
Kristoff: (shy) So, now what?
Anna: (shy) Now what? (CHUCKLES) Now what? (then...panicking) Oh... What am I gonna do? She threw me out. I can't go back to Arendelle with the weather like this. And then there's your ice business.
Kristoff: Hey, hey. Don't worry about my ice business. (noticing something) Worry about your hair!
(She thinks he means it looks bad. She smooths it down)
Anna: What? I just fell off a cliff. You should see your hair.
Kristoff: No, yours is turning white.
(She touches her braid as a line turns white)
Anna: White? It's... What?
Kristoff: It's because she struck you, isn't it?
Anna: Does it look bad?
Kristoff: (thinking) No.
(Olaf's head pops up. he's holding his head up off his body to join the conversation)
Olaf: You hesitated.
Kristoff: No, I didn't. Anna, you need help, okay? Come on.
(He heads towards the sunset. Sven and Olaf follow)
Olaf: Okay! Where are we going?
Kristoff: To see my friends.
Anna: (catching up) The love experts?
Olaf: Love experts?
Kristoff: Uh-huh. And don't worry, they'll be able to fix this.
Anna: How do you know?
(He looks her over, remembering the moment he saw the trolls heal her as a child)
Kristoff: Because I've seen them do it before.
(As they round the bend, the sun sets and Olaf turns to Sven)
Olaf: I like to consider myself a love expert.
(SVEN GRUNTS)
(INT. ELSA'S PALACE — NIGHT. Elsa paces, distraught. She talks to herself)
Elsa: (mantra-style) Get it together. Control it. Don't feel. Don't feel. Don't feel. Don't feel!
(She hears ice cracking. Stops. Looks around. She's left a sharp wake of ice spikes behind her on the floor. They grow up the wall, taking over the room)
(INT. PERIWINKLE'S HOUSE — NIGHT. As the stars twinkled overhead and the Northern Lights are bright, Periwinkle and Tinker Bell sat by a small campfire on the ice crest in front of Peri's home. They chatted quietly in the frosty night air)
TINKER BELL: Um… I know. Favorite star?
PERIWINKLE: Second Star…
Both: To the right.
Periwinkle: Okay. Favorite drink?
Tinker Bell: Hot chamomile tea.
Periwinkle: Iced chamomile tea!
(She and her sister had so much in common!)
Tinker Bell: Okay, my turn. How about favorite bug?
Periwinkle: Bug? It's too cold for bugs over here, but in one of Dewey's books, I read about butterflies.
Tinker Bell: Oh, in Butterfly Cove, there are hundreds of them. It's in summer. It's right over…
(She looked out toward where she thought the center of the pavilion world's fair would be. She scanned the horizon, but all she could see was the frozen land of winter)
Tinker Bell: Um… Hmm. I guess you can't see it from here.
Periwinkle: (SIGHS) No. You can't.
(She was quiet for a moment)
Periwinkle: What's it like over there?
Tinker Bell: Warm.
Periwinkle: And the colors? The sounds? All the animals?
(Periwinkle's eyes searched her sister's face)
Periwinkle: And the fish! It floats in melted ice, right?
Tinker Bell: Water.
Periwinkle: (SIGHS) I wish… I wish I could go there.
(The two fairies sat side by side, watching the night sky. Then Tinker Bell looked at the campfire that was keeping her comfortably warm. It gave her an idea)
Tinker Bell: Peri?
Periwinkle: Yeah?
Tinker Bell: I made it warmer over here. Maybe I could make it colder over there.
Periwinkle: Are you… (GASPS) are you saying I could cross?
(The winter fairy's heart leapt. Crossing the border was something she had never thought was possible)
Tinker Bell: Yeah!
Periwinkle: Oh, Tink. You could show me your world. I could meet your friends. Do you think I could see a butterfly?
(Tinker Bell smiled at her sister)
Tinker Bell: There's a pretty good chance.
Periwinkle: Oh!
(Her mind was racing with ideas about how she could bring Periwinkle over to the dry land. This would be his biggest inventing challenge yet!)
(Abruptly, they heard a loud crack. The ice crest beneath them was collapsing!)
Periwinkle: Uh, Tink?
(But the ice give away and they all plummet. Periwinkle quickly fluttered into the air. But Tinker Bell's wings were trapped beneath her coat. She panicked)
Tinker Bell: I can't fly!
Periwinkle: Tink!
(The frost fairy use her ice powers to reach out to rescue Tinker Bell, but her sister's weight was too much for her)
Periwinkle: Hold on. Hold on!
Tinker Bell: I'm slipping!
(Periwinkle lost her grip on Tinker Bell, and they both screamed as they tumbled down through the ice and snow. Then, out of nowhere, Fiona the lynx appeared beneath them. The sisters landed on her back with a soft thump, and Fiona skillfully dodged the avalanche flow just in time. She carried Tinker Bell and Periwinkle to safety)
Dewey: That's it, Fiona. That's it. Whoo!
(He turned to Tinker Bell and Periwinkle)
Dewey: Are you girls all right?
Tinker Bell: Yeah.
Periwinkle: Yeah.
(They couldn't stop shaking)
Dewey: Are you sure? Nothing broken? Nothing bruised?
(Tinker Bell shook her head)
Tinker Bell: No. We're okay.
Dewey: (SIGHS) This time.
(Dewey dusted the snow from Tinker Bell's coat. His expression was serious)
Dewey: Lord Milori was right. Crossing the border is just too dangerous.
Tinker Bell: What are you saying?
Dewey: I'm sorry, girls, but I'm afraid this isn't going to work out like you hoped. We have to take Tinker Bell home.
(Tinker Bell and Periwinkle looked at Dewey, stunned)
Dewey: Let's go, Fiona.
(Fiona led the way, with Tink and Periwinkle riding on his back)
(EXT. BOUNDARY, IRELAND — NIGHT. The sisters held hands and Fiona brought them to the border)
Dewey: It's… It's for your own good.
(When they reached the edge, the two fairies remained quiet for a moment. They watched the soft snow curtain falling between Ireland and winter)
(Tink looked sadly at his sister. She gently pulled her hand away and began to walk back over the border. Periwinkle, with tears in her eyes, rushed to embrace her sister before she could cross)
Dewey: (WHIMPERING) I can't watch, Fiona. (SNIFFLING)
(Dewey turned to face the other way)
Dewey: I promised myself I wasn't going to do this.
(Tinker Bell peeked over Periwinkle's shoulder to make sure Dewey wasn't paying attention)
Tinker Bell: Okay. Here's the plan. Meet me here tomorrow.
Periwinkle: Oh, thank goodness. I thought you were really saying goodbye.
Tinker Bell: No! I just met my sister I never knew I had and I'm going to say goodbye forever? Are you kidding? So…
(Periwinkle nodded as Tink whispered her plan. Whatever her sister needed, she would get it. She wasn't going to let her down!)
(INT. HALLWAY, IRISH LEPRECHAUN HOTEL, IRELAND — NIGHT. Tinker Bell knocked on the hotel room door)
Tinker Bell: Clank? Bobble?
(There were sounds of scuffling inside, followed by the door slowly opening. Tinker Bell peered around the hallway)
Tinker Bell: Guys?
(Foomp! A net suddenly shot out and wrapped around her)
Tinker Bell: Aagh!
(Clank stepped out with his spring-loaded troll-stopping gun in hand. A look of surprise crossed his face when he saw Tinker Bell trapped in a net)
Clank: Oopsie.
(Bobble stepped out too)
Bobble: (GASPS) Tink! You're back!
Tinker Bell: Yes. (CHUCKLES)
(She is slightly annoyed by the unexpected greeting. She wriggled against the net)
CLANK: Sorry!
(Clank helped her get untangled)
Clank: We thought you were a troll.
Tinker Bell: A troll?
Bobble: I knew we shouldn't have used the troll stopper.
Clank: What if it was a troll? You'd be saying something different, wouldn't you?
Tinker Bell: Guys. It doesn't matter.
Clank: Oh, right.
Tinker Bell: I need your help.
Clank: Is it about a glacier?
Tinker Bell: No. But it's kind of a secret. I don't want everybody to know.
(Clank and Bobble exchanged a glance. They looked at her with interest. When Tinker Bell had a secret plan in mind, they knew something exciting was about to start)
(INT. PENTHOUSE, IRISH LEPRECHAUN HOTEL — NIGHT. Soon, Tinker Bell, Bobble, and Clank were busy at work. Tinker Bell and Bobble hammered away at a mysterious-looking contraption, while Clank went to collect parts for them to use)
Tinker Bell: I'm pretty sure these buttons will work, but we're going to need more of them.
Bobble: Aye, unless we use a couple of acorn caps.
Tinker Bell: Right! Good idea.
Bobble: Whoo! Now where is that Clanky?
CLANK: Oh, yes, I'm right here.
(Clank wheeled the cart of extra supplies. Tinker Bell looked up to see what he had brought…and instead saw Fawn, Rosetta, Silvermist, Iridessa, and Vidia standing next to him)
Tinker Bell: Oh!
Clank: I didn't tell everybody. Just Fawn, Ro, Sil, Dess, and Vidia.
(Vidia flew right in Tinker Bell's face and looked her up and down. She crossed her arms)
Vidia: So there's another you.
Rosetta: Vidia!
Tinker Bell: Yeah. I've got a sister.
Clank: (CHUCKLES) I told you!
Rosetta: Bust my bonnet.
SILVERMIST: Amazing!
FAWN: It's fantastic!
Vidia: I can't believe this is happening.
Iridessa: But how?
Clank: They were born of the same laugh! Tell them, Tink, what you told me and Bobble.
(Tinker Bell stepped forward)
Tinker Bell: Her name's Periwinkle. She's a Frost Fairy, and she's just amazing. I'm making this machine so she can come to Dublin and meet you all, and after that we'll go straight to Queen Clarion!
(Tink's friends exchanged worried glances)
Silvermist: Oh…
Vidia: Um, have you thought this through? "Hi, Queen Clarion. Meet the Winter Fairy I smuggled over the border."
Rosetta: Vidia!
Tinker Bell: When Queen Clarion hears how we found each other, and that we're sisters, she will change Lord Milori's rule.
Rosetta: Oh, of course she will.
Iridessa: She'd never want you to be apart.
Silvermist: It's like you found the perfect lost thing.
Tinker Bell: And I'm never going to lose her.
Iridessa: Well, then, let's get to work!
Fawn: Just tell us what to do.
Tinker Bell: Great! Okay. We need to place that wheel right here.
IRIDESSA: Got you, Tink.
Tinker Bell: And let's get that propped up over there.
ROSETTA: I feel so tinkery.
Tinker Bell: Clank, Bobble…
Bobble: Wait, wait. Finish up the chassis?
Tinker Bell: Exactly.
Bobble: Come on, Clanky!
Clank: Bobble! Perhaps you and I are brothers! It's possible. We look almost exactly alike.
(She was so happy that her friends were going to help her with her plan. With everyone working together, she just knew everything would turn out perfectly. She had the best friends from Pixie Hollow!)
(And soon her friends would see that she had the best sister in WGP, too)
(INT. TRAIN TUNNEL — LATER. Stevenson glides along, all business)
Stevenson: Finn, one hour to Dublin, Ireland.
(INT. TRAIN — MOVING — LATER.)
Finn: Thank you, Stevenson.
(Finn watches as HOLLEY attaches a new EMERGENCY LIGHT on Peter's hat with a feather. It looks exactly like his old one)
Holley: That should just about do it.
Finn: Perfect.
Holley: So, Peter, it's voice-activated. But everything's voice-activated these days.
Peter: What? I thought you was supposed to be making me a disguise.
COMPUTER: Voice recognized. Disguise program initiated.
(ZWWWWAT! A HOLOGRAPHIC disguise suddenly umbrellas out, emitted from Peter's hat. It drops a clean cloaking image of the EASTERN EUROPEAN SPARROWMAN over Peter)
Peter: Cool! Computer, make me a German fairy.
Computer: Request acknowledged.
(ZWATTTT! Peter suddenly wears lederhosen and a German hat)
Peter: Check it out! I'm wearing Peterhosen. Make me a monster fairy!
Computer: Request acknowledged.
(He's transformed into Dracula, complete with fangs)
Peter: What the...? (ala Dracula) I vant to siphon your gas! Now make me a taco fairy!
Computer: Request acknowledged.
(HORN PLAYS LA CUCARACHA)
Peter: A funny fairy!
Computer: Request acknowledged.
(Finn suddenly pushes a button, stops the madness)
Finn: The idea is to keep a low profile, Peter.
(Peter, chastened, moves on)
Peter: So I just go in, pretend to be this fairy.
Finn: And leave the rest to us.
Holley: Now, hold still.
(Holley turns back to her work. The disguise's cloaking is larger than Peter. As a result, Holley must dial it back to fit his body. As she carefully calibrates the hologram:)
Holley: First, I have to do the final fitting on your disguise.
(Holley STOPS. The 3D disguise is now flush with his frame, but dents SHOW THROUGH)
Holley: Mm-kay. That's no good. Hm.
(She deploys A BONDO SPRAYER on a robotic arm, moves it toward one of Peter's DENTS. Peter pulls away)
Peter: Hey. What are you doin'?
Holley: The disguise won't calibrate effectively without a smooth surface to graft onto.
Peter: For a second there, I thought you was trying to fix my dents.
Holley: Yes, I was.
Peter: Then, no, thank you. I don't get them dents buffed, pulled, filled or painted by nobody. They way too valuable.
Holley: Your dents are valuable? Really?
Peter: I come by each one of them with my girlfriend, Wendy. I don't fix these. I wanna remember these dents forever.
Holley: So, you were being serious in Paris? Wendy isn't just part of your cover.
Finn: Friendships can be dangerous in our line of work, Peter.
Peter: But my line of work is telling stories.
Finn: Right. And Miss Shiftwell's is designing iPhone apps.
Peter: No, I meant for real.
Holley: It's okay. I'll work around the dent.
Finn: Oh... In the meantime...
(Finn hits a button. The walls transform into a MASSIVE WEAPONS CACHE)
Finn: ..you look a little light on weapons.
(Off Peter's RXN ---)
(EXT. IRELAND — DAWN. --- STEVENSON EMERGES LOUDLY from a tunnel. He powers forward, starts his descent into Ireland ---)
BRENT: You are looking live at beautiful Dublin, Ireland, on the Irish east coast. What a magnificent setting for the second race of the World Grand Prix!
(EXT. DUBLIN, IRELAND — DAY. Over sweeping helicopter BEAUTY SHOTS:)
DAVID: Well, Brent, they call this place the "Emerald of the Riviera," and it's easy to see why.
(A local Viking boat chugs through an idyllic waterway, beneath bridges that connect hillside villas.
David: (V.O.) With its secluded beaches and opulent casinos, Dublin truly is a playground for the wealthy.
(A long line of RICH-LOOKING YACHTS in the harbor)
David: (V.O.) And everyone who's anyone is here today,
(Rich LEPRECHAUNS walk past pricey shops)
David: (V.O.) from the ultra-rich and super-famous to world leaders and important dignitaries.
(SAINT PATRICK, visible in a crowd, drives through town)
BRENT: You aren't kidding, David. You can't do a three-point turn without bumping into some celebrity.
(HELICOPTER SHOT of the theater)
Brent: (V.O.) Welcome, everyone, to the second race of the World Grand Prix,
(BRENT MUSTANGBURGER, DAVID HOBBSCAP and LYRIA in the control booth)
Brent: where the big news continues to be Incanta. Sir Axlerod spoke to the press earlier today to answer questions about its safety.
(FOOTAGE OF THE PRESS CONFERENCE — Miles Axlerod, at a podium, addresses the press throng. He looks a bit exasperated)
Miles Axlerod: An independent panel of scientists has determined that Incanta is completely safe, okay? Safe. There it is.
Brent: So the race will go on, folks.
(SHOW GRAPHICS show Fionnoula with 10 points at the top of the tour standings)
Lyria: But the question everyone is asking: will the real Wendy Darling show up today?
(IN WORLD GLOBAL PAVILION INC., IRELAND — As the tourists begin to led outside)
BRENT: She'd better. Talk about a home track advantage. Fionnoula O'Callaghan grew up touring on this course.
IRISH ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, in the first position, number one,
(Everyone is cheering already, knows who this is)
Irish Announcer: (V.O.) Fionnoula!
(The Irish people chants for their hometown hero)
Fionnoula: (to everyone) Álainn! Thank you for your support! (to Wendy) And your big mistake, Wendy!
(Wendy missed this comment. She packs up, lost in thought)
IRISH ANNOUNCER: In the second position, number ninety-five, Wendy Moira Angela Darling!
(Wendy doesn't seem to notice)
(Backstage, the Nerdlucks exchange looks, worried)
Pound: Wendy, is everything okay?
Blanko: If you're worried about your pixie dust, dude, don't. It's perfectly safe.
Wendy: No, guys, I just really wish Peter were here.
Fionnoula: (O.S.) Fionnoula understands, Wendy.
(Fionnoula parks next to her, grinning)
Wendy: Oh, great, here it comes. What do you got, Fionnoula?
Fionnoula: For famous tourists like Fionnoula and, well, you, to be far away from home is not easy.
Wendy: I think you forgot the insulting part of that insult.
Fionnoula: Is no insult. When Fionnoula is away from home, she misses her mum, just like you miss your sparrowmen friend.
Wendy: Gee, I maybe misjudged you, because that's exactly...
Fionnoula: Of course, I am at home, and my mummy is right here.
(Fionnoula refers to her MAMA, cheering her on, blowing her kisses)
Fionnoula: (yells) Muma! Don't worry, Muma, Wendy is very sad. I will beat her cry-baby bottom today!
Wendy: And there's the insult we were missing. Go raibh maith agat!
(INT. TRAIN STATION, DUBLIN — DAY. As the train pulled into the Dublin station...)
BRENT: Lyria, the tourists are settling in as they head to the Irish countryside.
LYRIA: Whoo, boy! This is gonna be a great race.
(INT. WALTER'S ROOM, TOUR TRAIN — DAY. Walter spotted Dominic out the window, looking shifty)
WALTER: Well, well, well. What's he up to?
(He grabbed a trench coat and followed Dominic to Dublin, careful to keep himself hidden)
(EXT. DUBLIN — DAY. Walter followed Dominic as he went down an escalator, ice-skated across a pond, and even had his portrait painted by a street artist. Finally, Dominic entered a garden gnome warehouse)
(INT. GARDEN GNOME WAREHOUSE — DAY. Creeping into the warehouse, Walter saw Dominic sitting with two men. Walter hid behind a corner, but close enough so he could hear what was being said)
DOMINIC: Gentlemen. I need this review to go into Friday's paper. Super positive. Five stars.
Irish Journalist: I won't be paid off for a review. I'm a journalist. I'm joking, of course. Cash or credit?
(Walter tries to get closer, accidentally knocking over the garden gnome statue. The three men looked back while Walter poses the statue)
Irish Journalist: What was that?
Dominic: Rats. Who cares?
(He handed the man a suitcase full of cash. Then he turned to the other man, a theater manager)
Dominic: Hand these tickets out to anyone who will take one. In fact, you may have to actually pay people to come.
(He slid another suitcase of cash to the theater manager)
(Walter covered his mouth so they wouldn't hear his gasp!)
Theater Manager: It's the Muppets. It's not gonna be easy. Last time they were here, they sold eight tickets. I'm a theater manager, not a miracle worker.
Dominic: Mmm. Oh. And I want a standing ovation.
(He slid a third suitcase of cash over to the men)
Irish Journalist: Oh, dear.
Walter: (to himself) Where does he keep all those suitcases?
(INT. FOZZIE'S TRAIN CAR, TOUR TRAIN — DAY. While Fozzie was munching on his sandwich from Subway, he read a newspaper. On the front page, it read: EUROPE'S MOST WANTED FROG: CONSTANTINE, BACK BEHIND THE BARS)
FOZZIE: Hmm. Let's see here.
(The guacamole is dropped from the sandwich and into Kermit's picture)
Fozzie: What's Kermit doing on the cover of this newspaper?
(He wiped the guacamole off of the picture. Fozzie SCREAMS! I knew it! He thought. It's Kermit's resemblance when the mole was covered!)
(Silently slipping away, Walter made it back unseen to the train station)
Walter: (PANTING) Oh! Ow! Dominic's the bad guy! Dominic's the bad guy!
(He barged into Fozzie's train car)
Walter: Fozzie! Dominic's the reason we've been selling out our shows!
(He tosses his jacket, knowing what Dominic is doing)
Walter: He's been giving away tickets and bribing journalists to write great reviews!
Fozzie: (GROANS) Why didn't we ever think of doing that?
(He saw Walter's horrified look)
Fozzie: I mean, that's terrible!
Walter: The question is, why? And could it have anything to do with why Kermit's been acting so weird lately?
Fozzie: You think he's been acting weird?
Walter: I've only known Kermit a few months, but hasn't he been doing a lot more karate than normal?
(Fozzie shook his head dismissively)
Fozzie: It's probably Dominic's influence. Hey, wanna see something funny?
(He showed Walter a newspaper)
Walter: Yes, Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog. Fozzie, what does he have to do with what I just told you?
Fozzie: Nothing, but check this out. A-ha!
(He put his finger over the mole on Constantine's picture)
Walter: Oh, look, it's Kermit.
(Fozzie nodded)
FOZZIE: A-ha!
(He removed his finger from Constantine's picture)
Walter: (SHRIEKS) What did you do with Kermit?
(Suddenly...)
(LIGHTNING CRASHES)
Walter: Wait a minute. Fozzie…
(He had a thought)
Walter: What if Kermit has been replaced by this Constantine guy?
(Fozzie considered it. Then he frowned)
Fozzie: Nah, that's impossible. We'd all notice! Wouldn't we?
(INT. TRAIN COMPARTMENT — DAY. Just to make sure, he and Walter knocked on Kermit's door)
Walter: Kermit? Are… Are you there? Hello?
FOZZIE: Kermit?
(There was no answer)
Fozzie: Everything's fine. Let's get out of here.
(He was scared and certainly didn't want to find out that their suspicions might be right)
(But Walter held on to Fozzie)
Walter: Wait! We should look around.
(They entered the room. Fozzie went left; Walter went right. Fozzie opened a suitcase–it was full of guns! Walter opened a dresser drawer–it was full of knives and explosives!)
Fozzie: Huh. Kermit's got a big bomb collection.
(Fozzie noticed a portrait on the table labeled "Madrid Prado Museum Heist")
Fozzie: Looks like he's planning some sort of comedy heist bit.
Walter: I hope not. Those never work.
Fozzie: Mmm.
(Walter notices something on a table)
WALTER: What's that?
(He headed over to a table and discovered a tub of green makeup)
Walter: (GASPS) Oh, no.
Fozzie: What, what, what? What?
Walter: Oh, no.
(Walter stuck his finger in the makeup and put it over the mole in the newspaper photo. He and Fozzie looked at each other)
Fozzie & Walter (BOTH SCREAMING): Ahhhrrrggghhhhh!!
Fozzie: We got to get out of here!
Walter: Yeah!
(Fozzie and Walter turned to see Constantine standing at the door, glaring menacingly. His mole was showing, making it clear who he was)
Constantine: Not so fast.
Walter: Where's Kermit? And why are you here?
Fozzie: What do you want?
Constantine: You have wocka-ed your last wocka, bear.
(Was this the end for Fozzie and Walter?)
(Suddenly, Animal came out of nowhere and tackled Constantine)
Animal: Bad frog!
FOZZIE: Animal! Oh, good boy!
Walter: Great job!
Animal: Thank you.
(But it wasn't over yet, Constantine woke up and put jaws in his mouth)
(On a nearby track, a freight train trundled past. Walter spotted it)
Walter: Quick! The freight train!
(He and Fozzie jumped, with Animal following behind. They all landed safely)
(INT. FREIGHT TRAIN — DAY. As the two trains became farther away from each other, Walter looked back and saw Constantine looking menacingly at them)
Fozzie: We got to go back! Warn the others!
Walter: I tried. They didn't believe me. It's our word against his and, well, he's fooled them all.
(Fozzie thought for a moment)
Fozzie: Should we go to the police?
(Walter shook his head)
Walter: We don't have any evidence! (SIGHING) I feel terrible.
(He knew the others were right)
Walter: I'm the one who talked Kermit into doing this tour in the first place.
Fozzie: Oh, I wish Kermit was here! He would know what to do.
(Walter looked up, then stood, suddenly determined)
Walter: You're right. There's only one guy in this world who can save us.
(Was it the real Kermit the Frog?)
Walter: Only one frog who can restore order, bring justice, and set things right!
Fozzie: (unsure) You are talking about Kermit, right?
Walter: Yes, Fozzie. Kermit.
(EXT. CASINO OF GOLD, IRELAND — DAY. A group of thuggish HUGOS — ugly Eastern European fairies — wait impatiently at the front. A LIMOUSINE-STYLE fairy carrier rolls up to the roundabout)
Alexander: Gremlins. Man, those are some ugly fairies. Look like some stole their trunks.
(The THUGS all SNICKER)
(Holley arrives, sporting a decent Irish accent)
Holley: My grandfather has broken down. If one of you would help, I would be so thankful.
(IVAN, AN EASTERN EUROPEAN TINKER FAIRY, walks forward)
Ivan: Sounds like you need some roadside assistance.
Another Hugo: He was talking to me.
Ivan: Really? Prove it.
Holley: Don't fight over me.
(Holley directs her interest toward Ivan)
Holley: Mr. Tinker Fairy, please?
(PETER — He watches this from a safe hiding spot around a corner)
Finn: (over radio) Get ready, Peter.
(FINN, at an outdoor Irish pub on the casino grounds)
Finn: You're on any moment now.
(PETER, now looking a bit nervous. She backs out of sight)
Peter: I don't know about this, Finn. What if I screw things up?
FINN: Impossible. Just apply the same level of dedication you've been using to play the idiot sparrowmen, and you'll be fine.
Peter: It's just that them guys look pretty tough and... Wait, did you say "idiot"? Is that how you see me?
FINN: That's how everyone sees you. Isn't that the idea? I tell you, that's the genius of it. No one realizes they're being fooled because they're too busy laughing at the fool. Brilliant!
(While Finn talks, Peter takes this in. He catches his own reflection in a nearby window. Seems to be seeing with new eyes)
(ZZZZATTT! Peter jumps at the sound, turns in time to see Ivan ZAPPED UNCONSCIOUS by Holley's ZAPPERS)
Holley: Why aren't you in disguise?
Peter: I er...
Holley: Come on! There's no time! Go!
Peter: Okay. Okay. Computer, disguise!
COMPUTER: Request acknowledged.
(EXT. AROUND THE NEXT CORNER — CONTINUOUS. Peter, now disguised as Ivan, approached the Hugos. Another LIMO CAR CARRIER arrives)
Alexander: It's the boss. He's coming.
(The carrier parks and the back opens. VICTOR HUGO waits)
Victor: Ivan.
(Peter realizes Victor is talking to him. He hops to it)
Victor: Ivan, why do you insult me so by making me wait here?
(Peter, now with Victor hooked, tows him in the front doors of the casino)
(ON FINN — now joined in the pub by Holley who monitors everything and SEES EVERYTHING PETER SEES on her display)
Holley: He's in.
(EXT. TOUR COURSE, IRELAND — DAY. With Fionnoula and the tourists---)
BRENT: The tourists are now making their way around the hairpin and headed downhill toward the casino bridge.
(EXT. BOUNDARY, IRELAND — DAY. All was silent at the border between Ireland and winter. Not a single fairy was in sight. Quietly, a large shamrock from Ireland and a large snowflake from winter drifted closer to the dividing line. Then the shamrock and the snowflake began to glow. It was Tinker Bell and Periwinkle!)
Tinker Bell: Anyone see you?
Periwinkle: No. I can't believe we're doing this!
(The two girls sighed in relief and tossed aside their disguises)
Tinker Bell: So, did you bring it?
Periwinkle: Yes. (WHISTLES)
(A moment later, her friends Gliss, Sled, Spike, and Slush came out of hiding. They were holding ropes that were tied securely around a huge block of ice)
Sled: Watch the branch.
(ALL GRUNTING)
Sled: Careful. More to the right.
Spike: For the record, we shouldn't be doing this, whatever it is we're doing.
(But the other fairies seemed more cheerful. They set the heavy block of ice down on the bridge that connected the two seasons)
Sled: As ordered. One big block of ice.
Gliss: Courtesy of the resident glacier fairy.
Slush: Hey.
Periwinkle: So, what do you think?
(Tinker Bell smiled)
Tinker Bell: It's perfect!
(Then she turned and whistled)
Spike: Uh, are you sure he's not luring you into a trap?
(A moment later, Clank and Bobble rolled out a large contraption on wheels. It was covered with tubes, pulleys, ropes, and spinning fans)
Gliss: Oh! It's one of those…
(Spike leaned over to Periwinkle)
Spike: Things we shouldn't be doing?
(Clank and Bobble popped out from behind the giant invention)
Bobble: It's the snowmaker!
Clank: It makes snow!
Tinker Bell: Yep, this is your ticket to the warm side of Pixie Hollow.
(Periwinkle couldn't believe it. She was actually going to be able to travel to the warm seasons! She took a step forward but then felt Spike pull her back)
Spike: Wait a second. This is crazy! You don't even know if this thing works!
Clank: (LAUGHS) Oh, it works, all right.
(Bobble pushed his goggles up)
Bobble: Aye, we made it ourselves!
Spike: Of course you did. Just walk away.
(Periwinkle moved closer to the machine, but was careful not to cross the border just yet)
Periwinkle: How does it work?
Tinker Bell: Guys?
Clank: Pull.
(Clank moved a lever on the cart and the machine turned around)
Clank: Move this around here.
Bobble: You might want to step aside for this part.
(In a flash, a large claw on the back of the snowmaker lifted the cube of ice)
Winter Fairies: (ALL EXCLAIM)
SLED: Ha! They're serious.
(Clank reeled the ice in. Bobble stepped onto the bike and start pedaling. A sharp grater on the machine began shaving off thin chips from the block. Soon, snowflakes began pouring out of a tube at the top)
Periwinkle: (GASPING) Snow!
Sled: Wow.
(Periwinkle beamed with pride)
Periwinkle: You did it! You actually did it!
(Tinker Bell felt the flurry of snowflakes)
Tinker Bell: Ooh! It's cold. So?
Spike: Hmm.
Gliss: Go, go on.
Slush: Live it, man.
(Cautiously, Periwinkle flew over the border and into the column of snow. She looked unsteady for a moment. But then the cold flakes from the snowmaker swirled around her, making her feel right at home)
(It was as cold as winter, even though she was on the other side of the border)
CLANK: Welcome, Miss Winkle.
Periwinkle: Thank you.
(Clank adjusted a few levers on the snowmaker)
Clank: All righty! Your tour begins with the Autumn Forest. Next it's a quick stop in Springtime Square. And finally, the Pixie Dust Tree, which, as you know, makes all fairy life possible.
Bobble: Aye, that's where you'll be meeting her majestiness, the queen.
Periwinkle: The queen?
(Gliss's eyes widened. She nudged her friends)
Gliss: They're going to see the queen!
(Tinker Bell hadn't told Periwinkle about this part of the plan. The frost fairy glanced nervously at Tink)
Tinker Bell: She's very wise. And if we tell her we're sisters, she'll change Lord Milori's rule.
(Gliss blurted out)
Gliss: That is so exciting! Say hi for me, or curtsy, or whatever it is you do.
Periwinkle: Sure.
Gliss: And bring me back an acorn. A big one!
(Tinker Bell made a grand, sweeping gesture with her hand)
Tinker Bell: After you.
Periwinkle: Thank you. Bye!
(And she headed off with Tink, Bobble, and Clank into Dublin)
Gliss: (SQUEALS) I can't believe I'm going to get an acorn! Finally! That is so exciting!
(As the friends left, no one noticed a large, snowy owl watching them from high above on a tree branch. The owl waited until the fairies had disappeared. Then with a soft hoot, it quickly took flight to warn Milori of what it had witnessed)
(INT. STAGE, GULAG 38B — DAY. Kermit auditioned and cast for the Gulag Revue)
Kermit: Turn, turn, out, in, jump, step, kick, kick, leap, kick, touch. Got it? From the top. A-five, six, seven, eight.
("I Hope I Get It")
Prisoners: *God, I hope I get it
*I hope I get it
*How many people does he need?
*How many people does he need?
*God, I hope I get it
*I hope I get it
*How many boys, how many girls?
*How many boys, how many?
*Look at all the people
*At all the people
MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISONER: *How many people does he need?
*How many boys, how many girls?
*How many people does he…
DANNY TREJO: *I really need this job
*Please, God, I need this job
*I've got to get this job
Kermit: Good! Great! That's it, guys, that's it! That's good, guys! Come on! And hit it hard!
(Next is Nadya's turn)
Nadya: *I really need this job
*Please, God, I need this job
*I've got to get this job*
(The prisoners improved)
Kermit: Okay. All right. Yes. (CLEARS THROAT) Uh, Nadya? I think perhaps we should perhaps, keep it prisoners only.
Nadya: Of course. I just love Broadway. But you are right, Kermit, as ever.
Kermit: Okay. Thank you. (CLEARS THROAT) Okay, fellas, listen up. Here's who made the cut. Sergei! King! That's you.
(INT. OFFICE, GULAG 38B — DAY. He didn't know it, but Nadya had a locker full of Kermit pictures and memorabilia)
Nadya: You are always right, my beautiful amphibian prince. I will never let you go.
(The guard interrupts to alert her)
Guard: There is riot in block D.
Nadya+: Can't you see I'm busy?
(The guard leaves and Nadya kisses the Kermit picture)
(INT. CASINO OF GOLD — DAY. Fairies play craps with FUZZY DICE; slot machines with odometers for jackpot numbers; cigarette girls sell pot of gold items)
Cigarette Girl Fairy: Air freshener. Antenna balls. Spark plugs.
(ON PETER — He tows VICTOR. They are flanked on all four corners by Hugo thugs, ala a presidential motorcade. The largess of the interior design seems to finally snap Peter out of her funk)
Peter: (wide-eyed) This place looks like it's made outta gold!
(The Hugos on either side of Peter exchange a look)
HOLLEY: That's because it is. Now, be careful what you say.
PETER: Why is that?  What do you mean, "Don't talk to ya"? (more talking with Holley which we cannot hear) You want me to stop talkin' to ya right now?
Alexander: You are acting strange today, Ivan.
Peter: I have no idea what you're talking about,
(PETER'S P.O.V. A digital readout isolates the Hugo and starts to scroll reams of information alongside)
Peter: "Alexander Hugo, aka Chop Shop Alex."
(IN A WIDER SHOT we realize this display is invisible to all but Peter. Some of Alex's other alias' include "Alexander Hu-Don't Go" and "Alexander the Not-So Great")
Peter: You got a lot of aka's, Alex. But that makes sense, seein's how you's wanted in France, Germany, the Czech Republic...
Holley: (cutting in to her DISPLAY) Peter, stop it!
(Alexander, unaware of Holley's interruption, whispers to Peter as they turn a corner)
Alexander: Okay, okay, keep your voice down! You gonna make me arrested! (to the other Hugos) Don't mess with Ivan today. He's in a bad mood.
(EXT. CASINO OF GOLD — DAY. Holley, hearing this, can't believe it)
Finn: He's so good!
(EXT. PIXIE HOLLOW, IRELAND — DAY. Oblivious to the meeting going on at the casino in Dublin, the warm side at Pixie Hollow amazed Periwinkle. Everything was so different than in the Winter Woods. So lively! Guests of all shapes, sizes, and colors. Scampered about. But the best part was seeing the fish. They really did swim in the ocean!)
PERIWINKLE: Wow.
McClain Sisters: *Just when we thought life couldn't get much better
(Clank and Bobble kept the snowmaker cranking a steady stream of snowflakes over Periwinkle everywhere she went–even while she floated down the River Liffey on a canoe)
McClain Sisters: *A wish we never knew we made came true
*Worlds that were apart have come together
(As they drifted down the stream, Tinker Bell glanced up the boardwalk overhead. Silvermist, Rosetta, Fawn, Iridessa, and Vidia were hiding there)
ROSETTA: There she is!
Iridessa: She's so wintery.
McClain Sisters: *We'll be friends no matter what the weather
Silvermist: This is so exciting!
Fawn: Wait for the signal.
McClain Sisters: *Wait until you see the wondrous things that we can do here with you
(Tinker Bell winked, giving them the signal. It was time to show his sister what the warm-weather fairies could really do)
Fawn: That's it. Operation Periwinkle in effect.
(Silvermist went first. She dipped her hand in the stream and create a water arc above the sisters' heads. When Periwinkle looked up, she was delighted to see fish swimming in a bubble of water right over her)
McClain Sisters: *We're on your side
*We're on your side
(Rosetta was up next. She flew ahead of Tinker Bell and Periwinkle and made an entire field of flowers burst into bloom. Periwinkle gasped when she saw all the colors)
McClain Sisters: *Let's take this ride
*Let's take this ride
*And together we're facing the world
*Doing things nobody's done before
(Tinker Bell motioned to Fawn. At the signal from the animal fairy, hundreds of butterflies filled the air)
McClain Sisters: *And the great divide
*Doesn't seem so wide*
Periwinkle: Butterflies!
(Tink's friends came flying down at once)
FAIRIES: Surprise!
Periwinkle: Oh! Your friends did all this?
Tinker Bell: They wanted to surprise you. Everyone, this is Periwinkle, my sister.
(The girls clapped their hands together)
IRIDESSA: This is so exciting.
(Rosetta stepped forward)
Silvermist: Oh, wow!
Iridessa: Can you believe it?
Rosetta: (loud sweet, slow southern drawl) Hello. It is nice to meet you.
(She thought Periwinkle wouldn't understand her language)
Rosetta: I am Rosetta. This is…
(Vidia rolled her eyes)
Vidia: Ro, she's a Winter Fairy. She's not from the moon.
Rosetta: (embarrassed) Oh, right. I know, I know.
(Her cheeks flushed)
Rosetta: I'm just so excited!
(Periwinkle smiled)
Periwinkle: It's great to meet all of you.
(Silvermist flew in closer)
Silvermist: This is so remarkable!
(She looked back and forth between Tinker Bell and Periwinkle)
Silvermist: You two are sisters!
(Vidia put her arm around Periwinkle)
Vidia: Yeah. A little fairy-to-fairy advice. Tink can be tricky to get along with at times.
Tinker Bell: Yeah. Look who's talking?
Periwinkle: (giggle)
Fawn: We can't believe you're over here!
Iridessa: So… Are you cold enough?
Periwinkle: Oh, yeah. It's perfect.
(She did a little spin inside her cone of snow. Oops!)
Periwinkle: Oh! (CHUCKLES)
(She went back into the cone of snow)
All: Aw!
(INT. PRIVATE ROOM, CASINO OF GOLD — DAY. Peter lassos Victor inside a private room, where inside are the WORLD'S WORST FAIRIES including VLADMIR, TUBBS and J. CURBY)
Vladmir: Victor!
Tubbs: Hey, Victor!
J. Curby: There you are.
Vladmir: Come in!
J. Curby: Victor Hugo. I'm J. Curby Gremlin. From Detroit. Good to see you.
Victor: Is the big boss here yet?
Vladmir: No, not yet.
Tubbs: He's supposed to be here any minute.
(WHAM! A DOOR is thrown open O.S. Everyone turns, now silent)
(ON THE DOOR — It sits open. No one enters)
(The room of Lemons watch, nervous)
(ON PETER — Nervously watching too)
(EXT. CASINO OF GOLD — CONTINUOUS.)
Finn: Here we go.
(INT. PRIVATE ROOM — DAY. A fairy finally appears. It's Zündapp)
Zündapp: Guten Tag.
(Everyone looks disappointed)
Tubbs: It's just the Professor.
Victor: Zündapp! When is he coming?
Zündapp: He's already here.
(MONITORS descend from the ceiling. On them, an image of A FAIRY'S WING — the same bloody wing from the photo. But this is a LIVE image. The fairy is being worked on)
Lemon Kingpin: (DISGUISED VOICE) Welcome, everyone.
(The VOICE is garbled, scrambled. No way to determine who)
Lemon Kingpin: I wish I could be with you on this very special day, but my clutch assembly broke. You know how it is.
(The thugs all nod in understanding)
Tubbs: Been there.
J. Curby: Forget about it.
Vladmir: We know how you feel.
(EXT. IRELAND — CONTINUOUS.)
Rosetta: Oh, I nearly forget.
(She brought something for her)
Rosetta: This is for you. It's called a periwinkle also.
(She hands the winter fairy over the delicate blue flower)
Periwinkle: Thank you.
(She studies for a flower and sniffed it. It was so fresh, sweet, and healthy)
Periwinkle: I'll keep it forever.
(She waved her hand across the flower and instantly it was encased in a thin layer of frost)
(The warm-weather fairies were amazed)
Rosetta: Look at that!
Tinker Bell: It's frost. She and her friends practice in the Frost Forest. You should see it!
Periwinkle: Oh, you should see Tink on ice skates. (CHUCKLES) She's a natural.
Tinker Bell: It's only because you had that lost thing.
Vidia: Uh, she collects lost things, too?
Both: Yeah!
SILVERMIST: You guys are so alike.
(EXT. CASINO OF GOLD — CONTINUOUS.)
Finn: Descramble that voice.
Holley: (already on it) I'm trying. Oh, it's too sophisticated.
(INT. PRIVATE ROOM — CONTINUOUS.)
Lemon Kingpin: We are here to celebrate. Today, all your hard work pays off. The world turned their backs on fairies like us. They stopped manufacturing us, stopped making our parts. The only thing they hadn't stopped doing is laughing at us. They called us terrible names:
(On VICTOR)
Lemon Kingpin: jalopy, rust bucket,
(On TUBBS)
Lemon Kingpin: heap, clunker,
(On J. CURBY)
Lemon Kingpin: junker, beater, wreck,
(On ZÜNDAPP)
Lemon Kingpin: rattletrap,
(And finally back on the monitor. The FAIRY WING)
Lemon Kingpin: lemon. But their insults just give us strength. Because today, my friends,
(The monitors switch to LIVE TOUR FOOTAGE)
Lemon Kingpin: that all ends!
(On the VIDEO SCREENS — CARLA VELOSO'S PIXIE BLOWS ---)
(EXT. TOUR COURSE, DUBLIN — DAY. Veloso swerves, attempts to mitigate a crash ---)
LYRIA: There's smoke on the casino bridge!
David: Oh, no!
Brent: It's Carla Veloso, the Brazilian race fairy!
(She skids into a wall, hard)
(EXT. CASINO OF GOLD — CONTINUOUS.)
Finn: What just happened?
Holley: I'm working on it.
(INT. PRIVATE ROOM — CONTINUOUS. The thugs are CHEERING)
(ON PETER, he's freaked out)
Lemon Kingpin: They laughed at us, but now it's our turn to laugh back.
(BOOM! Another tourist (Nigel Gearsley) blows a pixie. Peter JUMPS again)
(EXT. TOUR COURSE — SAME. As Nigel smashes into the railing ---)
DAVID: Another crash! It's number nine, Nigel Gearsley.
Lemon Kingpin: Embrace your inner lemon! Let it fly you.
(EXT. CASINO OF GOLD — CONTINUOUS.)
Finn: Holley?
Holley: I'm detecting an extremely strong electromagnetic pulse.
(Holley replays that last crash. The OUTLINE OF THE BEAM is seen hitting the racer. She TRACES THIS to its source ---)
(--- a WGP CAMERA, which Grem and Acer have pointed at the tourists from a tower position)
Holley: Finn, it's the camera.
Finn: Where?
Holley: On the tower!
(Finn TAKES OFF, speeding toward Grem and Acer ---)
LEMON KINGPIN: This was meant to be alternative dust's greatest moment.
(EXT. GRANDSTAND — TOUR COURSE — CONTINUOUS. Angry fans knock over cans of Incanta. One walks over a Incanta sign. They're fed up with it)
Lemon Kingpin: But after today, everyone will fly back to gasoline.
(We RACK FOCUS to reveal another fan as he RIPS a Incanta banner down angrily)
(INT. PRIVATE ROOM — CONTINUOUS. The video screens are now filled with ONE IMAGE — of the PIXIE DUST PLATFORMS in the Atlantic from the beginning of the movie, along with the Pixie Dust Well in Pixie Hollow and the Winter Woods and WGP)
Lemon Kingpin: And we, the owners of the world's largest untapped pixie dust reserve will become the most powerful fairies in the world!
(EXT. STREETS OF DUBLIN — CONTINUOUS. Finn ducks, weaves, speeds, and pushes his way through BYSTANDERS ---)
Finn: Get out of the way! (SPEAKS GAELIC)
(He speeds furious through town)
(EXT. TOUR COURSE — DUBLIN — CONTINUOUS. Wendy and Fionnoula FLY PAST US)
(INT. PRIVATE ROOM — CONTINUOUS.)
Lemon Kingpin: They will come to us, and they will have no choice, because they will need us.
(ON FINN — He SPEEDS up a road, Grem and Acer visible ahead of him. He LEAPS over the crevasse toward the thug cousins ---)
(Suddenly, FINN FREEZES. He's immobilized in mid-air!)
(He looks up. A CHOPPER with a LARGE MAGNET hovers over him)
Acer: (to Finn) We figured you might stop by!
(EXT. IRELAND — CONTINUOUS — They couldn't believe Tinker Bell actually had a sister)
Tinker Bell: I know. Even our wings are identical. That's why they sparkle. Let's show them.
(Suddenly, the frost fairy sank to the ground. They notice Periwinkle's wings slowly beginning to droop)
Periwinkle: I don't feel so…
Tinker Bell: Oh! Periwinkle!
(She rushed to her sister's side)
FAWN: Is she all right?
Rosetta: I think she's getting a little too hot.
Periwinkle: My wings… I can't feel them.
(The frost fairy's wings were beginning to wilt)
Periwinkle: I think they're too warm.
(Bobble looked up at the snowmaker. He was pedaling quickly to keep the snow coming. But he realized that the snowflakes were starting to dwindle)
Bobble: Oh, the snowmaker!
Clank: It's running out of ice!
Fawn: We have to get her back to the border!
(Periwinkle gazed up at Tinker Bell)
Periwinkle: Tink, what about the queen?
Tinker Bell: There's no time.
(She turned to Clank and Bobble)
Tinker Bell: Clank, grab some ice. We'll wrap her wings.
(Everyone sprang into action, scraping up fallen snow to surround Peri's drooping wings)
LEMON KINGPIN: And they will finally respect us! So hold your hands high! After today, you will never again be ashamed of who you are!
(Grem and Acer turn back to the camera. They line up Shu Todoroki, who's a bit further along now)
Finn: No!
(INT. PRIVATE ROOM — CONTINUOUS.)
Lemon Kingpin: Long live lemons!
(EXT. TOUR COURSE, DUBLIN. Grem ZAPS THE TOURIST)
(Flames burst from Todoroki. He loses control)
BRENT: Number seven is loose! Shu Todoroki!
(Shu takes down three more fairies (Miguel, Max, Raoul ÇaRoule, and Rip) with him and others (Jeff and Lewis) follow suit. It's a nightmare pileup)
(EXT. CASINO OF GOLD — SAME. Holley see Finn being flown away by the chopper)
Holley: Finn?
(EXT. IRELAND — CONTINUOUS. The fairies wrapped and tie it up in leaf wrappers)
Tinker Bell: Okay. Let's go. Hurry!
(EXT. THE AUTUMN FOREST — DAY. Together, Clank, Bobble and Tink's fairy friends all pushed the snowmaker toward the border as Tinker Bell and Vidia carry Periwinkle)
CLANK: All together. All together.
ROSETTA: All together.
SILVERMIST: Hurry!
(Silvermist and Clank push the back of the machine. Iridessa pushes the left side of the machine)
Iridessa: Come on! We can do this!
(The fairies push the machine down the road. Fawn pushes the melting ice cube against the grater)
Fawn: Hurry!
(Bobble pedals as fast as his legs could go but the snowflakes are dwindling faster)
Bobble: Go, go, go!
(Tinker Bell and Vidia fly as fast as Bobble can pedal)
Tinker Bell: Hold on. We're almost there.
(She turned to Periwinkle. But her heart sank when she saw the strained look on Periwinkle's face. They were running out of time)
BOBBLE: Hurry! It's nearly out of ice!
TINKER BELL: Not much further.
(Milori was waiting with his snowy owl from above)
(EXT. BOUNDARY, IRELAND — DAY. As the machine used a last bit of ice and the snowflakes stopped coming…)
Tinker Bell: Don't worry. We're almost there.
Vidia: We're going to make it. We're going to make it!
(Tinker Bell and Vidia tumbled back with Periwinkle across the border. The winter fairy fell to the ground in the minute they crossed the bridge. She was too weak to even stand)
Tinker Bell: Let me help you.
(Tinker Bell helped unwrap her sister's wings. When the snow fell away, Tink's hands flew to her mouth. Instead of being iridescent and sparkling, Periwinkle's wings were brown and wilted)
Tinker Bell: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
(EXT. DUBLIN CASTLE, DUBLIN.)
BRENT: Bumper to bumper as they approach the finish line!
(Wendy NOSES out Fionnoula for a win, both oblivious to what's just happened)
Brent: (V.O.) Wendy's the winner! Fionnoula's second! They had no idea what happened behind them.
Wendy: Yeah!
Fionnoula: Ugh! This is impossible!
Wendy: That's what I'm talking about! Ka-chow!
(SIRENS BLARE as AMBULANCES sped past them)
Wendy: What happened? What are all the other fairies?
Fionnoula: What is going on?
(They see the pile up from an overhead monitor. Sirens blare as a MEDIC CHOPPER flies to the scene of the pile-up)
Wendy: (realizes) Oh, no!
(EXT. BOUNDARY — DAY. Just then, the fairies caught sight of Milori as he hurried toward the injured frost fairy)
Tinker Bell: Please, can you help her?
Vidia: Tink.
(It was getting too cold for them. Vidia pulled Tinker Bell back across the border to safety)
(On the winter side, Milori knelt down beside Periwinkle and placed his hands on her shoulders. His face was filled with concern)
Lord Milori: Gently. Lift your wings. Let the cold surround them.
(Slowly, Periwinkle raised her wings. Little by little, as the cold air swirled around her, Peri's wings began to regain their shimmer and color. She tried to flutter them, and sighed with relief when they worked)
Tinker Bell: You're okay. Your wings are okay.
Periwinkle: Yeah. Yeah.
Lord Milori: This is why we do not cross the border.
Periwinkle: No, it could've worked! We just needed a bigger piece of ice!
(Milori shook his head sadly)
Lord Milori: And when that was gone?
(Periwinkle started to reply, but then realized she didn't know what to say)
Lord Milori: Your wings could have broken.
Periwinkle: But they didn't. I'm fine.
(She pointed to Tinker Bell and her friends on the other side of the bridge)
Periwinkle: Thanks to them.
(Milori looked at Tinker Bell and the other warm-weather fairies. His expression grew harder)
Lord Milori: The rule is there to protect you. I'm sorry. You two may never see each other again.
(He stood to leave)
Periwinkle: Please don't do this. We really belong together.
Tinker Bell: We're sisters. We were born of the same laugh.
(At this, Milori paused. Then he looked back)
Lord Milori: All the more reason you should want to keep each other safe. Return home.
(A tear escaped from Periwinkle's eye. How could the best day of her life be ending so horribly?)
Vidia: Come on, Tink. Let's go home.
(But Tinker Bell felt angry and hurt)
Tinker Bell: No!
(She glared at Milori)
Tinker Bell: Lord Milori, your rule will not keep us apart.
QUEEN CLARION: Tinker Bell.
(Tink turned. It was QUEEN CLARION who is standing a short distance away)
Queen Clarion: This is not Lord Milori's rule. It's mine.
Tinker Bell: Queen Clarion?
(She couldn't believe that the queen of Pixie Hollow was keeping her from her sister)
Queen Clarion: I'm sorry.
(MILES AXLEROD — DUBLIN — LATER. He's near the casino. He's completely surrounded, 360 degrees, by press. He's drowned out by a blizzard of questions)
Brent: Sir Axlerod, is the final leg in London still going to take place?
(PULL BACK to reveal we are watching this on monitors in the PRIVATE ROOM with the thugs, Professor Zündapp and Peter)
Miles Axlerod: (On TV) I suppose that... (SIGHS) Look, the show must go on, as they say. But now is not the time to talk about...
J. Curby: I can't believe this is really happening!
Vladmir: Quiet!
Brent: (On TV) Will you require all the tourists to still run on Incanta?
Vladmir: Here it comes.
(On Miles Axlerod — He's devastated)
Miles Axlerod: (On TV) I cannot, in good conscience, continue to risk the lives of any more tour fairies. The final race will not be run on Incanta.
(WILD WHOOPING CHEERS fills the room. Corks popped)
Brent: (On TV) There you have it, a clearly devastated Sir Miles Axlerod announcing that he will not require the fairies to use Incanta for the final leg.
Zündapp: A toast! To the death of Incanta and alternative dust forever!
(EXT. CASINO OF GOLD — CONTINUOUS. Holley is already on the run. Speeding away)
Holley: Peter, abort the mission. They've got Finn. Get out of there. Get out of there right now.
(She turns a corner and STOPS)
(Her escape was now blocked by the same HUGO THUGS they tricked before. Another guy appears BEHIND HER, LOOMS)
Ivan: How is your grandfather?
(INT. PRIVATE ROOM — DAY. The thugs celebrate, chant "Long live lemons!" Peter, scared, turns to leave. He's stopped by ALEXANDER)
Alexander: Isn't this a great party, Ivan, huh?
Peter: Oh, yeah, it's unbelievable.
Alexander: You are not leaving, are you?
Peter: Uh...of course I ain't leaving.
WENDY: (On TV) I'm just in shock like everybody...
Peter: Wendy?
(He turns, sees that Wendy is being interviewed on the monitors)
Wendy: (On TV) Crashes are a part of racing, I know, but something like that should never happen.
LYRIA: (On TV) You can choose the dust for your final leg. What it'll be?
Wendy: (On TV) Incanta.
(The excitement suddenly DRAINS from the room)
LYRIA: (On TV) After today?
Wendy: (On TV) My friend Blanko says it's safe. That's good enough for me. I didn't stand by a friend of mine recently. I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice.
(On Peter. He takes this in)
Brent: (On TV) So a surprising revelation from Wendy Darling. She will use Incanta for the final race, despite what occurred today.
(Zündapp is already on the phone with the angry O.S. voice, sounds ticked off)
Voice: ...till Wendy Darling is dead.
Zündapp: Of course.
(Zündapp hangs up, turns to the room)
Zündapp: Incanta must be finished for good. Wendy cannot win the last race. Wendy Moira Angela Darling must be killed!
(Peter's eyes open wide)
Peter: No!
(Peter backs up, KNOCKING her emergency light against one of the monitors. ZZZZZAT! Her holographic disguise flickers away)
(HORN PLAYS LA CUCARACHA)
(Then quickly SCROLLS THROUGH all of her previous disguises, finally revealing the Never Land boy Peter)
Zündapp: It's the American spy!
(The soldiers and thugs DRAW TERRIFYING WEAPONS)
Peter: Jingles!
COMPUTER: Gatling gun. Request acknowledged.
(WHIRRRRR! GUNS roll out of Peter on each side)
ZÜNDAPP: Down! Everybody, down!
Peter: Shoot! I didn't mean...
COMPUTER: Request acknowledged.
(Peter SPRAYS BULLETS into the soldiers and thugs)
Peter: Whoa!
(The Lemons, Lemonheads, and the soldiers hit the deck and RETURN FIRE---)
(Peter is THROWN BACKWARD by the force of the guns, back through some double doors and onto the BALCONY)
Peter: Wait! Wait! I didn't mean that kind of shoot!
COMPUTER: Correction acknowledged. Deploying chute.
(WHOOM! A PARACHUTE BURSTS out of the back of Peter, he catches air and is YANKED INTO THE SKY!)
(The soldiers and thugs watch her float away, amazed)
(ON PETER PAN, out of the frying pan but still toasty. He looks around, notices:)
Peter: Wendy!
(Peter looks down at the street, over which he flies. He spots a TRUCK. Peter WHIPS his lasso down, steals a ride behind the truck TOWARD THE DUBLIN THEATRE)
Peter: Wendy! Wendy!
(The truck isn't happy about this, tries to shake him. Peter is THROWN INTO A "HOTEL" sign, then SMASHES down through a Fionnoula souvenir stand. As he CRASHES onto the ground hard, we SMASH CUT TO ---)
(EXT. SECURITY CHECKOUT — DAY. IRISH SECURITY GUARDS stand guard)
Peter: Let me through! Let me through!
(PETER barrels around a corner. He's now covered in Fionnoula memorabilia. He looks insane)
Peter: (to security) Let me in! I got to get through to warn Wendy!
(Security eyes one another. This is serious)
Irish Security #1: You cannot come through here! Back up, laddie.
Irish Security #2: (into a walkie-talkie) We have a lunatic at gate 9.
Peter: I was disguised as a sparrowman to infiltrate this lemonhead meeting and my weapons system's done misinterpreted what I'm saying!
Irish Security #1: I repeat. Lunatic at gate 9.
(Peter spots Wendy far off in the distance)
Peter: Wendy! Wendy!
(JUST OFF THE PRESS STAGE – Wendy is led toward the exit)
Reporter: You are the champion!
Press: This way, lassie.
PETER: Wendy!
Wendy: Peter?
(Wendy looks up but can only see A SEA OF PEOPLE and cameras spindle toward the sky…)
(BACK AT THE SECURITY BARRICADE — Peter, like a nimble running back, dances around to avoid capture by security)
PETER: Wendy.
Reporter: Give us a pose!
Peter: Wendy!
Irish Security #1: Back up, laddie. Stop moving. Stop!
(Peter head fakes them and pushes through, into the crowd--)
Irish Security #2: Where you going? Oy! Stop! Ferma li!
(IN THE CROWD – Peter shoves his way through. He's still far in the back)
Peter: Wendy!
(ON WENDY)
Wendy: That really sounded like… Peter! Peter?
Press: (to Wendy) Lassie?
(ON PETER, getting CLOSER…)
PETER: Wendy! They're gonna kill you!
(ON WENDY – Okay, she's positive that was her friend, but where is he?)
WENDY: Peter!
(Wendy spot a HUMAN HAND, moving through the crowd toward him, "Jaws"-like)
Wendy: Excuse me.
(Wendy disappears into the press crowd)
Press: No, no, where are you going? Please, Miss Wendy!
(Wendy pushes through the press)
Wendy: Excuse me. Peter!
Peter: Wendy!
(Wendy tracks the human hand, get closer. She pushes through the last few people---)
Wendy: Peter, I'm so glad to see you. I'm so sorry...
(It's NOT PETER. It's IVAN, the thug's sparrowman)
Ivan: Wendy Darling! I am a huge fan.
Wendy: (confused) I'm sorry, I thought I heard…
Ivan: That was me. I said, "You killed out there today. You're the best."
Wendy: What? I mean, thanks.
Press: Right this way, lassie.
(Now the press were pushing Wendy back in the other direction ---)
Wendy: I really thought I heard my friend.
(As they're pulled away, press and onlooker start to come between them and Ivan, who hasn't moved)
Ivan: In England, you'll be finished! At the finish line.
(Ivan is now obscured again)
Wendy: Wait, what?
(The IRISH PRESS being to swarm)
Press: The press is waiting. Come with me, please.
(Wendy is pulled back---)
(EXT. STREET — DUBLIN — MOMENTS LATER. ---just as Peter, now BOUND and with HER MOUTH TAPED, is pulled away and thrown into the back of a transport vehicle. She lands hard on her side, spits out her TAPE)
Peter: Let me go!
Zündapp: You actually care about that race fairy. A pity you didn't warn her in time.
(As the doors close on Peter --- PHHHHHSSSSSSTTTTTTT! A thick, noxious gas starts to fill the truck)
(On PETER as the knockout gas works its magic. HIS EYES CLOSE)
(EXT. BOUNDARY — DAY. Tinker Bell and Periwinkle looked at one another across the bridge. Their plan to be together was falling apart)
Lord Milori: You should get deeper into the cold. Back to the north side of the mountain.
(But Periwinkle couldn't bear it. She rushed to the edge of the bridge and threw her arms around her sister. They had been so happy together during the day, and now they weren't sure if they'd ever see each other again. Periwinkle squeezed her sister tight, and they hugged for a long while. Then Periwinkle flew away. Tinker Bell watched her go. With slumped shoulders, she followed her friends back down into Dublin)
(Clarion and Milori were left alone on the bridge. The queen looked up at him, and her eyes grew sad. She turned to walk away)
(Without a word, Milori mounted his owl and rose high into the air. But before he headed deeper into winter, he steered his owl to swoop down and knock the snowmaker off the bridge. The machine tumbled into the riverbed below. He wanted to be certain that no fairy would ever try such a dangerous stunt again)
(His owl flapped its wings, and they flew off into the cold. As the Lord of Winter disappeared over the horizon, he didn't see the machine land next to a gullfoss waterfall at the bottom of the riverbed. One by one, large chunks of ice began to feed into the grater. And little by little, the ice turned into frosty snowflakes that quietly blew across the border and into London on the other side)
(BLACK SCREEN)
PETER: "Idiot"? Is that how you see me?
FINN: That's how everyone sees you. I tell you, that's the genius of it.
(FADE IN on Peter, back at the Casino of Gold, eyeing her reflection in the glass window. It's the same moment from before except now we are watching it from a DETACHED, FLOATING PERSPECTIVE)
Finn: (V.O.) No one realizes they're being fooled because they're too busy laughing at the fool. At the fool... (ECHOES)
(- IN THE ASOLO THEATER IN OSLO — Again, from before. Peter makes a spectacle of herself, WHOOPING AND HOLLERING in the stands with the Sami clothing on)
Peter: (IN NORWEGIAN)
(The Muppets and patrons eye Peter, embarrassed and angry)
(- IN THE OSLO MUSEUM — The moment of Peter banging on the fairy garden's glass. Except that now we see all sorts of disappointed and eyebrow raising reactions)
Peter: You done good. You got all the leaves.
Jeff: Check out that sparrowman.
Lewis: I wonder who that guy's with.
Wendy: (humiliated) Will you guys excuse me just for one little second?
(We now REVEAL that this FLOATING, THIRD PERSON PERSPECTIVE is PETER. He's inside his past, watching it from others' point of view. He doesn't like what sees)
(- ON PETER, now at the sushi bar)
Peter: Now that's a scoop of ice cream!
(Peter swallows the wasabi with one big bite. He SCREAMS! The sushi bar patrons blanch with revulsion at her wail)
(- ON THE FOUNTAIN, as Peter peels into full view of everyone else at the party)
Peter: Somebody get me water! Oh, sweet relief.
(As Peter laps up water from a fountain:)
Wendy: Peter!
(ALL THE TOURISTS, with FIONNOULA front and center, guffaw at Peter)
(- ON WENDY, now scolding Peter moments later)
Peter: But I never leak dust. Never.
Wendy: Get a hold of yourself. You're making a scene!
(- IN THE BERLIN FUN WINTERLAND IN BERLIN, after the German race)
Peter: Wait a minute. I didn't screw you up, did I?
Wendy: I lost the race because of you!
Peter: Maybe if I talked to somebody...
Wendy: I don't need your help! I don't want your help. Your help... (ECHOES)
(Now BACK AT OSLO, a moment we didn't see before but which presumably happened. Peter is BANGING a GONG, to the horror of Oslo guests)
Peter: Bang the gong. Get it on!
(GONNNNNNG!!! ---)
(On the BERLINERS, THEATER GUESTS, WINTER FAIRIES — they're all laughing at Peter as Wendy's final words blend in, making a DISSATISFIED CACOPHONY)
WENDY: Listen, this isn't Never Land. This is exactly why I don't bring you along to these things!
(Off the GONG ---)
(INT. BIG BEN — DAY. --- to the GONG of a CLOCK)
(CLOSE ON PETER as he OPENS HIS EYES)
(All around him, all he sees are GIANT PIECES OF MECHANIZED CLOCKWORK)
(Finn and Holley are here, too, strapped in the divots of large clock movements)
Peter: Holley! Finn! Where are we?
Finn: We're in London, Peter, inside Big Bentley.
(EXT. BIG BEN — CONTINUOUS. The BIG HAND finishes ADVANCING one minute. It's 3 PM)
(It typed: LONDON, ENGLAND. TIMELINE: 15:45. HOME OF THE CROWN JEWELS AND GOOD MANNERS)
(INT. BIG BEN — CONTINUOUS. Suddenly, Peter DROPS QUICKLY down toward ---)
(--- whirring, scary machinery)
Peter: Whoa!
(WHAP! The chain yanks to a STOP)
(Peter, instead of being 30 feet from death, is now 20)
(Finn and Holley are only a few clicks closer to being crushed themselves. The clocks ticks to 3:01)
Peter: Oh, this… This is all my fault.
Finn: Don't be a fool, Peter.
Peter: But I am, remember? You said so.
Finn: When did I… Oh. Peter, I was complimenting you on what a good spy you are.
Peter: I'm not a spy!
(This echoes throughout the clock)
Peter: I've been trying to tell you that the whole time. I really am just a sparrowman.
(Holley takes this in)
Holley: Finn, he's not joking.
Finn: I know.
Peter: You were right, Finn. I'm a fool. And what's happened to Wendy is 'cause I'm such a big one. This is all my fault.
(GREM and ACER arrive)
Grem: Good. You're up.
Acer: And just in time.
Grem: Professor Z wanted you to have a front row seat, for the death of Wendy Moira Angela Darling.
Peter: (hopeful) She's still alive?
Acer: Not for much longer.
(Acer whip a sheet away, revealing the WGP CAMERA. Peter DROPS down again ---)
(FINN AND HOLLEY CLICK FORWARD)
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. Big Ben's big hand CLICKS ahead another minute)
(INT. LIBRARY, THE HALL OF WINTER — DAY. The Keeper was in the library, trying hard to keep his focus)
DEWEY: Speaking of sparkling, we can conclude that it spreads in a spiral and circles the center. Oh!
(He was supposed to be writing, but he was distracted. He put down his pen and glanced at an open door a short distance away. Periwinkle had been inside that room for most of the day. He went over and poked his head in to check on her)
(INT. VAST HALL, THE HALL OF WINTER — DAY. She was sitting in the middle of the large snowflake, mesmerized by the images projected on the icy walls. Again and again, she watched the story of how she and Tinker Bell had been born)
Tinker Bell: Hello.
Periwinkle: Hello.
(Just then, the visions fade and Milori walked past Dewey and up to the edge of the snowflake)
LORD MILORI: Peri?
(Periwinkle turned to him, her eyes filled with tears. Dewey ducked out of the room. He hoped that Milori would be able to comfort the young frost fairy)
(INT. PIXIE DUST TREE, DUBLIN — DAY. At the same time, on the warm side of Dublin, Tinker Bell was with Clarion in the chambers in the Pixie Dust Tree. She had begged the queen to reconsider her rule)
Tinker Bell: Queen Clarion. Why?
(The queen smiled sadly)
Queen Clarion: Tinker Bell… Long ago, when Pixie Hollow was very young, two fairies met and fell in love. One of them was a Winter Fairy…
(INT. VAST HALL, THE HALL OF WINTER — DAY. Milori was telling Periwinkle the same tale)
Lord Milori: …and the other was from the warm seasons. The two fairies were enchanted with each other, and every sunset, they met at the border…
Queen Clarion: …where Spring touches Winter. But as their love grew stronger, they wished to be together…
Lord Milori: …and share each other's worlds. So they disregarded the danger and crossed.
Queen Clarion: One of them broke a wing.
Tinker Bell: (GASPS)
Queen Clarion: For which there is no cure.
Lord Milori: From that day forward, Queen Clarion decreed that fairies must never again cross the border. And I agreed that our two worlds should forever remain apart.
(Periwinkle wiped a tear from her cheek)
Periwinkle: And the two fairies?
(INT. PIXIE DUST TREE, DUBLIN — DAY.)
Tinker Bell: What happened to them?
(The queen's gaze fell)
Queen Clarion: They had to say goodbye.
(Tinker Bell's shoulders slumped. It was no use. She would never see her sister again)
(INT. TRAIN COMPARTMENT — DAY. While Fozzie, Walter, and Animal set off to find Kermit, Constantine sat in his train compartment. He was fuming. And knitting)
Constantine: This is better.
(Dominic stopped by and immediately knew something was up)
Dominic: Oh… What's wrong? You only ever knit when you're stressed.
(Constantine stopped knitting an incredibly long scarf)
CONSTANTINE: The bear, the little guy and their dog, they are onto us. They got away.
(Dominic tensed up)
Dominic: How are we gonna spin this?
(It didn't take them long to come up with a plan until Dominic begin to ask)
Dominic+: Is that a scarf?
Constantine+: Mmm.
Dominic+: Is it a present for someone?
Constantine+: Yes.
Dominic+: Who?
Constantine+: Not important.
(Dominic smirks)
(INT. STAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE, DUBLIN — DAY (TIMELINE: 14:17). Constantine and Dominic stood before the Muppets (Lew Zealand, Camilla, Gonzo, Scooter, Piggy, Thog, Waldorf, Statler, Sweetums, Wanda, Beaker, Wayne, Rizzo, Bunsen, the Swedish Chef, Rowlf, Link, Janice, Dr. Julius Strangepork, Floyd))
CONSTANTINE: Comrades, I'm afraid I have bad news. Walter and Fonzie had quit the Muppets.
(The Muppets couldn't believe it)
LEW ZEALAND: Wait. You can quit the Muppets?
(Rowlf thought that didn't make any sense)
Rowlf: Wait a second. Walter quit the Muppets? We just did a whole movie where he joined the Muppets.
Janice+: And I like totally cried when he joined the Muppets.
Floyd: Yeah, we sure spent a lot of time on it.
RIZZO: Ha! I'll say. Maybe even at the expense of other long-standing, beloved Muppets. Come on, Robin.
(Rizzo walks off, with the long-standing, beloved Muppet frog, ROBIN, who is Kermit the Frog's nephew following him behind)
Robin: Coming.
Dominic+: Can I be honest? The show will be better without them.
Statler+: Couldn't get any worse.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Link Hogthrob+: Well, that's true.
Floyd+: No, it ain't.
Link Hogthrob+: No, no, it ain't. It's not.
(Constantine tried to wrap up the discussion)
Constantine: Well, as the old saying goes… The show must continue, in a timely fashion.
GONZO: Wait. Fozzie and Walter are part of our family. We can't let them go without a fight. Right, Kermit?
(Constantine made a very dramatic sigh)
Constantine: I know this is hard, Gonzo. Walter and Fonzie were my best friends. But Dominic is right. We're better off without them.
Dominic: Exactly.
MISS PIGGY: Kermit, are you sure you're okay?
Constantine: Yes, I'm fine, pig. The important thing is you and I are together. I could never lose you. You complete me.
(Piggy blushed)
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie.
DOMINIC: Guys, come on! This is gonna be fantastic. We should be celebrating!
Constantine: Yes. Remember, I can give you what you want.
Dominic: Yeah?
Rowlf: Yeah, right.
(The Muppets disperse)
Link Hogthrob: I'll keep that in mind.
Floyd: Say, has anyone seen Animal?
(EXT. LANDSCAPES — DAY/NIGHT. Fozzie, Walter, and Animal trudged through rugged, snowy mountains, searching for Kermit. It was so cold Animal had icicles hanging from his fur. Then they trudged through a blazing-hot desert. Then snow. Then desert again)
Fozzie: Does anybody else feel like we're traveling in circles?
(Before the others could answer, Walter shouted)
Walter: There it is!
(He pointed to a neon sign that read GULAG. THIS WAY)
Fozzie: Finally!
(INT. BACKSTAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — LATER. The Muppets (Rowlf, Lew Zealand, Camilla, Gonzo, Scooter, Piggy, Beaker, Sweetums, Rizzo, Pepé, Bunsen, Link, the Swedish Chef, Zoot, Lips, Janice, Floyd, Dr. Teeth) were having fun)
Gonzo: Maybe it's just me. But I'm doing whatever we want to do not as much fun as we thought it would be?
(The other Muppets nodded sadly)
Rowlf: You know when you're a kid and you want a cool dad and then you hang out with your friend's cool dad.
Gonzo: It's just so weird and then you miss your normal dad who made all the rules?
Scooter: Does anyone else feel like… Maybe Walter was right… And maybe Kermit's acting different on this tour.
(The Electric Mayhem coasted the music to a stop)
Janice: Yeah. Something is weird and, like, not in a good weird way. Like, in a bad weird way.
(Piggy didn't agree)
Miss Piggy: That's ridiculous! Kermit could not be more himself! He has never been more caring or devoted to me than he has been over the past few weeks!
Rizzo: Yeah, that's what we're saying.
Pepé: Kermit hasn't been acting himself.
(Piggy fell silent. Could that puny rat be right?)
Bunsen: That's kind of our point.
Beaker: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(INT. STAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — EVENING (TIMELINE: 20:14). Sam and Jean pulled up in front of the Dublin Theater for the Muppets' show. The two detectives noticed the marquee read SOLD OUT! As they took their seats, Constantine walked onstage)
Constantine: Welcome, folks, to Kermit and His Friends, The Muppets. Tonight's guest, Saoirse Ronan, will come out shortly. But first, a few moments with me.
(MOMENTS LATER. --- Scooter and the penguins sing "Moves Like Jagger")
Scooter: (with penguins) *Take me by the tongue
*And I'll know you
*Kiss me by the cheek
*And I'll show you
*All the moves like Jagger
*I've got the moves like Jagger
*I've got the…
(INT. VAULT, IRISH NATIONAL BANK — NIGHT. Constantine finally left the stage and met up with Dominic in the vault)
Constantine: I had to sing Danny Boy. The audience demanded it!
(Dominic wasn't really buying the story, but he didn't say anything. He finished applying explosives around an unusually large, antique safe-deposit box labeled T. BLOOD)
Constantine: Do you have evidence to frame the bear?
(Dominic held up a rubber chicken, one of Fozzie's props)
Constantine: Excellent. Our plan is coming together, Number Two. Where are the guards?
Dominic: They're actually leprechauns. One thing I don't understand. Even once we have the key and the locket, how do we actually break in to the Tower of London.
Constantine: Leave that to me, Number Two.
Dominic: Is there a secret phase three?
Constantine: I'm not telling.
(He took out the detonator for the explosives, then looked at the box again)
Constantine: Hmm, seems like a big box for just one little locket.
(INT. STAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT. The ballerina, who is played by the show's guest star, Saoirse Ronan, performed the "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.", featuring clips from the Nutcracker Sugar Plum Fairy scene in Walt Disney's Fantasia. The leprechaun guards laughed out. Sam and Jean watches from behind with the audience. Sam knew there was something going on in the vault)
Sam the Eagle: Stay here. I'm going to check on the vault.
Jean Pierre: Oui.
(The two Mutations jackhammered)
Saoirse: Whoa! Whoa! Stop it!
(INT. VAULT, IRISH NATIONAL BANK — NIGHT. BOOM! The box blew open. Once the smoke cleared, Thomas Blood's skeleton fell out! Constantine and Dominic screamed. Then they noticed that the locket was around the skeleton's neck and that the skeleton was clutching the locket with both bony hands)
DOMINIC: Colonel Blood's locket.
Constantine: Of course. Now grab it.
(They each tried to pry out the locket until they heard a noise)
SAM THE EAGLE: Shawn.
Constantine: Someone's coming. Abort!
(Then he yanked hard on the locket, finally detaching it from the skeleton, and the pair ran out)
(Sam, who had left the Muppets' show to check on the bank vault, stepped into the light. When he saw a shadowy figure in the distance, his knew his suspicions were right. He pulled out his walkie-talkie and radioed Jean)
Sam the Eagle: I think I just saw something. It's headed back towards the theater!
(INT. STAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT. Piggy is in the middle of her Academy Award-winning Celine Dion song "My Heart Will Go On", with the curtain projecting images from James Cameron's 1997 Academy Award-winning film, Titanic)
Miss Piggy: *Near, far
*Wherever you are…
*I believe that the heart does go on
*Once more
*You open the door
*And you're here in my heart
*And my heart will go on and on
(INT. BACKSTAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT. Constantine and Dominic safety returned backstage at the theater)
Dominic: That was close.
Constantine: Too close. We need to move to final phase three. "Wedding."
(INT. STAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT.)
Miss Piggy: *You're here
*There's nothing I fear
(INT. BACKSTAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT. Constantine headed toward the stage–even though the show was still going on)
Scooter: Hey, Kermit, you can't go out there. It's Piggy's Celine Dion number.
(Constantine didn't let that stop him. He grabbed Scooter's arm and flipped him into the ground)
(INT. STAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT.)
Miss Piggy: *And I know that my heart will go on
(Sam returned to the seat)
Sam the Eagle: Did you see anything?
Jean Pierre: Not a thing. It is my lunch hour. It lasts six hours.
(Constantine marched onto the stage and faced the audience)
Constantine: Excuse me.
Miss Piggy: *We'll stay…
Constantine: Ladies and gentlemen! I have an announcement!
Miss Piggy: What?
(The music stopped playing)
MISS PIGGY: Kermit, I'm in the middle of a song here!
Constantine: (to Piggy) Miss Piggy. I have very important question for you.
(Piggy took a sharp breath in)
Miss Piggy: Yeah? What are you doing?
(The audience woke up)
Constantine: Do you wish to become Mrs. Piggy? Or rather, Mrs. The Frog?
(He held up the ring. The Muppets (Marvin Suggs, Wanda, Wayne, Quongo, Beautiful Day Monster, Penguin) and the people in the audience nudged one another and tried to get a look at the ring. Piggy started to tremble)
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie, I thought you'd never ask. I really thought you'd never ask!
Constantine: So? What do you say?
Jean Pierre: (WHISPERING) It's beautiful.
Miss Piggy: (SCREAMS) Yes! Yes! Of course! Yes!
(The audience broke into wild applause and cheers, and Constantine slipped the ring on Piggy's finger)
Miss Piggy: I can't believe this! After all this time, it was finally just so easy!
(Constantine turned to the audience)
Constantine: (to the audience) That's right, folks, it's the Muppet wedding the world has been waiting for. We're putting our tour on hold…
All: What?
Constantine: (to the audience) …to be married in two days' time at the world's most romantic location, the Tower of London.
(Offstage, the other Muppets (Afghan Hound, Scooter, Gonzo, Mildred Huxtetter, Camilla, Beauregard) were pretty shocked)
Scooter+: Oh, my gosh.
Gonzo+: Kermit's really doing it, isn't he?
Camilla+: (CLUCKING) (subtitles appear: What about us, Gonzo?)
Gonzo+: I told you, when I'm a millionaire. Again.
(They all watched as Piggy hugged Constantine)
Constantine+: Yes, pictures now.
Miss Piggy+: (SIGHS) This ring. It's so… So black. It's a little ominous, to tell the truth.
Constantine+: It's a very rare black diamond. That ring is priceless. Like you, my dear. Now you have everything you've ever wanted. And so do I.
Miss Piggy+: Oh, Kermie, you've never said that to me be… …fore.
(Piggy paused. What did Kermit mean?)
(The incoming paparazzi interrupted)
Paparazzi: Over here, Piggy! Over here!
(Constantine grabbed Piggy, and found himself enjoying the spotlight)
Miss Piggy+: What's gotten into you?
Constantine+: Love, my dear. Love.
(Piggy narrowed her eyes at him. Something was not right, she thought)
(INT. BACKSTAGE, DUBLIN THEATRE — NIGHT. Moments later, when Constantine exited the stage, Dominic pulled him aside)
Dominic+: So… Secret phase three, proposing to the pig?
Constantine+: Keep up, Number Two. In Tower of London, you cannot put on stupid variety show, but you can get married.
(He unrolled Thomas Blood's map of the Tower of London)
Constantine+: You see, Blood's passageways are located directly below Saint John's Chapel. I realized months ago that our only chance of pulling this off was a Muppet wedding.
(It didn't take long before the news was announced around the world)
(INT. MUPPET NEWS FLASH)
Newsman: Here's a Muppet newsflash. The years of waiting are over. The biggest "Will they, won't they?" of all times has been answered with a firm, "They will." Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy are to be married! That's right, folks. They're finally tying the knot.
(Suddenly, the bull head-butted him out of the frame, which is a more Muppet Show-like ending to one of the Newsman's reports)
Bull: (MOOS)
(INT. VAULT, IRISH NATIONAL BANK — NIGHT (TIMELINE: 20:43). The leprechauns and the security guard enter the vault)
Leprechaun 1: Well, at least they didn't get the pot of gold.
Leprechaun 2: No, they did not.
(Sam walked through the Irish National Bank vault, shaking his feathered head)
Sam the Eagle: I have never been to a more ridiculous crime scene.
(Under some rubble, Jean spotted a rubber chicken)
Jean Pierre: (JEAN PIERRE GASPS) The comedian bear, he was here.
(At that precise moment, Sam discovered a coin)
SAM THE EAGLE: The Lemur. He, too, was here.
(He looked at Jean)
Sam the Eagle: Could the comedian bear and the Lemur be one and the same?
Jean Pierre: The comedian bear is the Lemur. That is brilliant. I knew he's a genius.
Sam the Eagle: But why would he steal a bunch of old bones?
Jean Pierre: The bones apparently belonged to one Colonel Thomas Blood. He was the only man to ever nearly steal the Crown Jewels of England.
(Sam's eyes widened)
Sam the Eagle: The Crown Jewels? Wait! Where did the frog say he was getting married?
Jean Pierre: The Tower of London.
(The realization hit them both at the same time)
Both: The comedian bear is planning on stealing the Tower of London/Crown Jewels!
Jean Pierre: The Crown Jewels.
Sam the Eagle: (SIGHS)
(INT. TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. It also didn't take long before the Muppets (Floyd, Scooter, Beaker, Rowlf, Gonzo, Janice) had some questions. They gathered together and found Constantine)
Scooter: Hey, chief.
Constantine: Hi-lo.
Scooter: Uh, we've all been thinking, and… Well, we were wondering, after you and Miss Piggy get married, what's gonna happen to the tour?
Gonzo: And to us?
(Constantine faced them and made himself sound upbeat)
Constantine: Well, now you guys have all the freedom you want. You don't need me. I'm done with Muppets.
Gonzo: Huh?
(ALL GASP)
Constantine: But, hey, it's been a good run, right? Hmm? Good luck.
(Constantine walked away)
FLOYD: Kermit!
(The Muppets (Floyd, Beaker, Scooter, Gonzo, Rowlf, Janice) looked at one another, stunned)
Rowlf: Did he just say what I thought he said?
Scooter: What are we gonna do without Kermit?
Floyd: The only thing we can do. Pack up, go to the wedding, and head back home.
Gonzo: Yep. Looks like it's the end of the road.
(EXT. MISS PIGGY'S ROOM, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Piggy and Foo Foo sat in the mirror)
Miss Piggy: Oh, Foo Foo, it's always been a fight. But this is so easy, it just doesn't feel right.
Foo Foo: (WHIMPERING)
("Something So Right")
Miss Piggy: *This is my dream come true
*The day has come for us to say "I do"
*There's nowhere else I'd rather be
*Nothing in the world means more to me than you
Miss Piggy: *I've waited so patiently, I knew you were the only frog for me
*Always knew this day would come
*It's written in the stars, it's destiny
*So how can something so right feel so wrong tonight?
*After all we've been through, why do I feel I don't know you?
Miss Piggy & Kermit: *We'll settle down and start a family
*Have a mini you and a mini me
*A little pink frog and a little green piggy
*They'll learn to say hello and say goodbye
*We'll grow grey and old, and live the quiet life
*Just you and I
*Hand in hand we'll stay together
*Forever and ever
Miss Piggy & Celine Dion: *So how can something so right feel so wrong tonight?
*After all we've been through, why do I feel I don't know you?
(In the bedroom, the Muppets are packing things up for their trip back home to California)
Dr. Teeth: *How can something so right feel so wrong inside?
Floyd: *How can something so good, leave me feeling so bad?
Pepé: *How can my dreams coming true, leave me lonely and blue?
Lew Zealand: *How come the happiest day of my life is so sad?
Rowlf: *How can I feel the high when I feel so low?
Scooter: *After all we've been through after coming so far
Link Hogthrob: *Is this my destiny?
Beaker: *Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi
Miss Piggy & Celine Dion: *Where is the love that's written in the stars?
Miss Piggy, Floyd, Link Hogthrob, Scooter, Beaker, Lew Zealand, Pepé, Rowlf, Dr. Teeth, and Celine Dion (All): *So how can something so right feel so wrong tonight?
Celine Dion: *Hey-hey-hey
Miss Piggy: *After all we've been through, why do I feel I don't know you?*
Celine Dion: (VOCALIZING)
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie.
(EXT. NURSERY, BLOOMSBURY — DAY. Tinker Bell was in the nursery, feeling sad about losing Periwinkle, because of Clarion and Milori's rule. As she looked around, she saw a tiny snowflake fall down from the sky. She drew in a sharp breath)
(Oh, no, she thought)
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN — NIGHT. Cretaceous and Maelstrom, two sinister reptiles saw that the lava tubes with small holes are not strong enough to melt the glacier. They manage to break open all the lava tubes, using their tails, jaws, and teeth. Soon, all the jets squirted out from the damaged lava tubes. Hopefully, the glaciers will melt and recede really faster and quickly)
(EXT. BLACK MOUNTAINS — NIGHT. The Northern Lights are bright. Olaf stares at them in awe as he rides on Sven's back)
Olaf: Look, Sven, the sky's awake.
(Behind Olaf and Sven, Anna walks with Kristoff. She shivers)
Kristoff: Are you cold?
Anna: A little.
(He reaches like he might put an arm around her, but decides against it. He looks around as if he doesn't know what to do, then gets a thought)
Kristoff: Wait. Come here.
(He takes her hand and pulls her around a bend into a rock-lined pass)
(Steam vents, powered by the volcanic activity, dot the path. He holds her hands over one of them)
Anna: Oooh… That's nice.
(They continue on the path, walking from vent to vent)
Kristoff: (taking a deep breath) So, uh, about my friends. Well… (CHUCKLES) I say "friends"… They're more like family. Anyway, when I was a kid, it was just me and Sven. Until they, you know, kinda took us in.
Anna: (moved) They did?
Kristoff: (nervous ramble) Yeah. I don't want to scare you. They can be a little bit inappropriate and loud. (CHUCKLES) Very loud. They are also stubborn at times, and a little overbearing. And heavy. Really, really heavy. (STAMMERS) But you'll get it. They mean well.
(Anna touches Kristoff's arm, reassuringly)
Anna: Kristoff, they sound wonderful.
(Kristoff smiles, appreciating her sincerity)
Kristoff: Okay, then.
(Mustering the courage, Kristoff steps forward and with a wave of the arms announces--)
Kristoff: Meet my family.
(REVEAL: he's surrounded by rocks)
Kristoff: (to the rocks) Hey, guys.
(As Kristoff move through the rocks, waving and greeting, Olaf and Anna stand frozen, dumbfounded)
Anna: (to herself) They're rocks.
KRISTOFF: You are a sight for sore eyes.
Olaf: (realizing) (WHISPERS) He's crazy.
Kristoff: Rocko's looking sharp, as usual. Clay, whoa... I don't even recognize you. You lost so much weight.
Olaf: (covertly, to Anna) (WHISPERS) I'll distract them while you run. (Loud and slow to a rock) (IN LOUD VOICE) Hi, Sven's family! It's nice to meet you. (quietly to Anna) (WHISPERS) Because I love you, Anna, I insist you run. (to the rock) (LOUD NOISE) I understand you're love experts! Ooh! (to Anna) (WHISPERS) Why aren't you running?
(Anna snaps out of her shock and starts backing away)
Anna: Okay. Um. I'm gonna go.
OLAF: Go.
Kristoff: No, no, no. Anna, wait.
(Just then, the rocks around her start rolling)
Anna: (panicking) Kristoff!
KRISTOFF: Whoa! (CHUCKLING)
(Olaf lights up and chases the rocks, who surround Kristoff and unfold as trolls)
Bulda: Kristoff's home!
Trolls: (various) Kristoff! Kristoff's home! It's been too long! Kristoff's home!
TROLL 1: Kristoff's here!
(Olaf jumps around all excitedly)
Olaf: (excitedly) Kristoff's home.
(He was confused, and look to one of the trolls)
Olaf: Wait, "Kristoff"?
(Anna watches, shocked and confused)
(The trolls all want Kristoff's attention. One trolls yanks Kristoff down with a boulder's strength)
Troll 1: Ah, let me look at you.
(Another troll tries to pull him)
Troll 2: Take off your clothes. I'll wash them.
Kristoff: No! No, I'm gonna keep my clothes on. Look, it's great to see you all, but where's Grand Pabbie?
TROLL KID: He's napping. But, look, I grew a mushroom.
Troll Scout Kid: And I earned my fire crystal.
Troll Kidney Stone Kid: I passed a kidney stone.
Pick Me Up Troll: Kristoff, pick me up.
(The kid troll jumps up on Kristoff's arm. Kristoff sinks under the weight of her)
Kristoff: (GRUNTS) You're getting big. Good for you.
(Anna still stares, confused, then realizes…)
Anna: Trolls. They're trolls!
(Silence. All trolls eyes turn to Anna. Blink. Blink)
Bulda: He's brought a girl!
Trolls: (CHEERING) A girl!
(Suddenly, Anna is surrounded by trolls. They body-surf/roll Anna over to Kristoff. She falls into his arms)
TROLL 2: Is that a real girl?
TROLL 3: She's like a little cupcake.
Anna: What's going on?
Kristoff: I've learned to just roll with it.
(Bulda climbs on top of her husband, CLIFF, to get a good look at Anna. She studies her like she's a piece of cattle)
Bulda: Let me see. Bright eyes, working nose, strong teeth! (CHUCKLES) Yes, yes. He'll do nicely for our Kristoff.
Anna: Wait, wait, wait. Oh, um, no.
Kristoff: You've got the wrong idea. That's not why I brought him here.
Anna: Right. We're not… I'm not…
(Bulda laughs, uncomfortable, not knowing what to say)
("Fixer Upper")
Bulda: (to Anna) What's the issue, dear? Why are you holding back from such a man?
*Is it the clumpy way he walks?
Cliff: *Or the grumpy way he talks?
Female Troll 1: *Or the pear-shaped, square-shaped
*Weirdness of his feet?
KRISTOFF: Hey!
Male Troll 1: *And though we know washes
*Well, he always ends up sort of smelly.
Bulda: *But you'll never meet a fellow who's as
Bulda & Cliff: *Sensitive and sweet!
*So he's a bit of a fixer-upper,
*So he's got a few flaws.
FEMALE TROLL 2: *Like his peculiar brain dear,
MALE TROLL 2: *His thing with the reindeer.
Troll Duet: *That's little outside of nature's laws!
Kristoff: This is not about me!
Small Group of Trolls: *So he's a bit of a fixer-upper,
*But this we're certain of
*You can fix this fixer-upper
*Up with a little bit of love!
Kristoff: Can we just stop talking about this? We've got a real, actual problem here.
Bulda: I'll say. (to Anna) So tell me, dear
*Is it the way that he runs scared?
Male Troll 3: *Or that he's socially impaired?
Troll Child: *Or that he only likes to tinkle in the woods
Anna: I did not need to know that…
Cliff: *Are you holding back your fondness
*Due to his unmanly blondness?
Female Trolls: *Or the way he covers up that he's the honest goods?
All Trolls: *He's just a bit of a fixer-upper,
*He's got a couple of bugs
Kristoff: No, I don't.
All Trolls: *His isolation is confirmation
*Of his desperation for healing hugs
*So he's a bit of a fixer-upper,
*But we know what to do
*The way to fix up this fixer-upper
*Is to fix him up with you!
(The girl trolls sweep Anna away. The boys take Kristoff, Sven, and Olaf)
Kristoff: (to the male trolls) Stop it, stop it, stop it! Enough! She is engaged to someone else, okay?
(TROLLS beat. Blink. Blink. The boy trolls turn, huddle…)
Cliff: *So she's a bit of a fixer-upper,
Male Troll 4: *That's a minor thing.
Male Troll 5: *Her quote 'engagement' is a flex arrangement.
Troll Child: *And by the way, I don't see no ring!
Male Trolls: *So she's a bit of a fixer-upper,
*His brain's a bit betwixt.
*Get the fiancée out of the way
*And the whole thing will be fixed.
Bulda: *We're not sayin' you can change him,
*'Cause people don't really change.
*We're only saying that love's a force
*That's powerful and strange.
*People make bad choices if they're mad,
*Or scared, or stressed.
*Throw a little love their way.
Female Trolls: *Throw a little love their way.
Bulda & Female Trolls: *And you'll bring out their best.
All Trolls: *True love brings out their best!
(Anna looks over at Kristoff. She actually looks shockingly beautiful dressed in moss, lit by shimmering crystals)
All Trolls: *Everyone's a bit of a fixer-upper,
*That's what it's all about!
Cliff: Father!
Female Troll 3: Sister!
Male Troll 6: Brother!
All Trolls: *We need each other
*To raise us up and round us out.
(By this time, Kristoff and Anna are being ushered into a pit by the sheer force of numbers)
All Trolls: *Everyone's a bit of a fixer-upper,
*But when push comes to shove.
Olaf: *The only fixer-upper fixer
*That can fix up a fixer-upper is
Trolls: *True! True!
*True, true, true!
*Love (True love)
*Love, love, love, love, love
*Love! (True love!)
*True…
(During this last bit, Anna and Olaf are looking at each other differently. Hmmm. Maybe those trolls are right? Sparks! Chemistry!)
Troll Priest: Do you, Anna, take Kristoff to be your trollfully wedded?
Anna: Wait, what?
Troll Priest: You're getting married.
Trolls: *Love!*
(Just then, Anna collapses. Kristoff catches her. She's shivering something fierce)
Kristoff: Anna?
(She pulls off her cape and hat)
Kristoff: She's as cold as ice.
(Just then, Pabbie pushes his way through the troll crowd. Troll clear the way for Pabbie. He stops at the edge of the pit)
Grand Pabbie: There's strange magic here.
Kristoff: Grand Pabbie!
Grand Pabbie: Come, come. Bring her here to me.
(Kristoff helps Anna over. Pabbie looks into her eyes)
Grand Pabbie: Anna, your life is in danger. There is ice in her heart put there by your sister. If not removed, to solid ice will it freeze, forever.
Anna: What? No.
Kristoff: You can remove it, right?
Grand Pabbie: I cannot. I'm sorry, Kristoff. If it was her head, that would be easy. But only an act of true love can thaw a frozen heart.
Anna: An act of true love?
Bulda: (googly, to her hubby) A true love's kiss, perhaps.
(A bunch of trolls give each other kisses)
(Anna shivers again, collapsing into Kristoff's arms. More of her hair turns blue)
TROLL 1: Something's wrong.
TROLL 2: Are you all right?
Kristoff: Anna, we've got to get you back to Hans.
Anna: (still weak) Hans.
Kristoff: Pull us out, Sven.
(Kristoff grabs Sven's antler. Sven pulls them out)
(Kristoff helps Anna onto Sven and hops up behind her)
Kristoff: Olaf, come on!
(Sven takes off. Olaf grabs Sven's tail, rides with them)
Olaf: I'm coming! Let's go kiss Hans! Who is this Hans?
(EXT. ELSA'S PALACE — WINDY WHITEOUT DAWN. Hans and the men tread cautiously towards the castle)
Hans: We are here to find Princess Anna. Be on guard, but no harm is to come to the queen. Do you understand?
SOLDIER 1: Yes, Your Grace.
(The Duke's thugs exchange a look. Suddenly, a mass of snow rises from the ground behind Hans. It's Marshmallow, his snow guard. He slams a fish inches from Hans. Hans deftly dodges out of the way. All of the guards take up arms against Marshmallow, who quickly knocks them over)
(Marshmallow throws down a guard and his horse, who topple over Hans. Marshmallow raises his foot to stomp on Hans, but Hans barrel-rolls himself to safety. He sees his sword, leaps, and grabs it)
(Just then, Elsa peeks out the front doors)
(The Duke's two thugs see her)
Duke's Thug 1: The queen.
(The thugs charge up the stairs)
DUKE'S THUG 2: Go, go! Come on!
(INT. ICE PALACE — WINDY WHITEOUT DAWN. They guards burst through the ice doors)
DUKE'S THUG 1: There!
DUKE'S THUG 2: Up there!
(Elsa flees to the top floor of the palace. The guards pursue)
(INT. UPPER LEVEL, ICE PALACE — WINDY WHITEOUT DAWN. They trap her on the top floor, raise their crossbows)
DUKE'S THUG 2: We got her.
Elsa: (scared) No. Please.
(One of the thugs shoots an arrow right at Elsa. At the last moment she creates an ice wall. It stops the arrow, inches from her face)
DUKE'S THUG 2: Go around. Toss it.
(The thugs reposition to take another shot)
Elsa: Stay away!
(Elsa shoots ice at the thugs. They duck out of the way and continue the attack)
DUKE'S THUG 1: Look out!
DUKE'S THUG 2: Fire! Fire!
Duke's Thug 1: Get her!
(Elsa fights for her life)
(BACK OUTSIDE: Hans is nearly crushed by Marshmallow. He rolls away. Jumps to his feet. And with agile might, he slices Marshmallow's leg off with his sword. Marshmallow stumbles back, off balance. And falls of over the cliff, but not before striking Hans. Hans goes over the edge)
SOLDIER: Grab his arm.
(REVEAL: Hans clings to the ice steps. His men help him up and they rush into the ice palace)
(INT. UPPER LEVEL, ICE PALACE — WINDY WHITEOUT DAWN. Elsa is surrounded. It's do or die)
DUKE'S THUG 2: Aim...
(In two swift moves, Elsa traps one thug in a cage of spikes that threaten his neck)
(The other she pushes back with a wall of ice...up against the hall's balcony doors...which BURST and CRACK)
(OUT ONTO THE BALCONY... The balcony doors shatter. The thug is pushed to the edge. He's inches away from falling to his death)
(BACK INSIDE: Hans and his men run in. See the destruction and the thugs near death)
SOLDIER 1: This way, this way!
SOLDIER 2: Whoa!
Hans: Queen Elsa! Don't be the monster they fear you are.
(Elsa snaps out of her rage. She sees the men, frightened, moments from death. She stops. Elsa looks to Hans overwhelmed, frightened)
(The wall retreats from the thug on the balcony. The ice spikes lower from the second thug's neck. He takes advantage and aims his crossbow at Elsa's back)
(Seeing it. Hans runs and pushes the crossbow up just as the arrow releases. The arrow hits the ice chandelier, hanging directly above Elsa)
(The chandelier comes CRASHING DOWN)
(Elsa dives out of the way but she falls in the blast)
(All we see is ice smashing like glass, and all we hear is the sound of it shattering as it rings out)
(Elsa's face as her eyes flutter open)
(She sits up. She's surrounded by stone)
(INT. CASTLE, DUNGEON — WINDY WHITEOUT DAY. Elsa looks to the nearby window. Tries to rush to it. She's pulled taut by giant shackles that fit like iron gloves. She's chained to the wall)
(INSET WINDOW: Arendelle is outside, windy and getting further buried under the ice and snow that is falling)
Elsa: Oh, no. What have... What have I done?
(Hans enters. He hangs a torch by the door)
Elsa: Why did you bring me here?
Hans: I couldn't just let them kill you.
Elsa: But I'm a danger to Arendelle. Get Anna.
Hans: Anna has not returned.
(Elsa looks to the storm with worry)
Hans: If you would just stop the winter. Bring back summer, please.
(Elsa meets his eyes, desperate)
Elsa: Don't you see? I can't.
(Hans sees the sincerity in her eyes)
Elsa: You have to tell them to let me go.
(Hans walks to the door. He takes the torch)
Hans: I will do what I can.
(He opens the door and leaves)
(Elsa, distraught, hears cracking. She looks down as her shackles begin to freeze over. The storm outside picks up)
(EXT. CAMPSITE, ENGLAND — MORNING. By the time the sun was up, the team's campsite was getting soggy)
(Diego leapt up from her sleep)
Diego: (GROANS) Water? Water!
(Before he even knew what he was doing, he'd jumped up on Manny's back)
(Manny woke up, startled, and they tipped over against the possums' tree. Crash, Eddie, and Ellie splashed down, one, three, three)
(Eddie rolled his eyes at his brother)
Eddie: Crash, I told you not to drink before bed.
Crash: I didn't do this! At least not all of it.
ELLIE: What's happening?
Manny: We overslept. We need to move.
Eddie: What if we're the last creatures left alive? We'll have to repopulate the Earth!
Crash: How? Everyone's either a dude or our brother.
(Suddenly, they heard a rustling in the reeds, and Sid appeared, stumbling and half-sleep)
SID: Oh, hi. Hey, Manny! Wow, what a night. You'll never guess what happened to me.
Diego: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say you were sleepwalking.
Sid: Oh, no, no, no. I was kidnapped by a tribe of mini-sloths.
Diego: That was gonna be my second guess.
Sid: And they worshipped me! I mean, sure, they tossed me into a flaming tar pit, but they worshipped me.
Manny: Sid, you were dreaming. Come on. The water's rising faster than we're moving.
Sid: I'm telling you, I was kidnapped. I was worshipped and... Guys! Oh, fine.
(INT. STAGE, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Prisoners, guards, and Nadya the warden were packed inside a makeshift theater. There was a dingy curtain made from prison blankets, and four flashlights taped together for a spotlight. The light pointed at Kermit)
Kermit: Lady and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to the Gulag Annual Revue Show!
(The signs says: GULAG ANNUAL REVUE SHOW (DON'T RIOT))
(The guards clapped politely from the audience as the music began. Danny Trejo came out onstage wearing a hat with a flower)
Fozzie+: Wow!
(He began to tell some jokes)
Danny Trejo+: What do you call a clairvoyant dwarf that escaped from the Gulag? A small medium at large. But seriously, folks, it wasn't me.
(PRISONERS LAUGH)
Danny Trejo+: Wocka, wocka, wocka.
(Everyone laughed, not noticing Walter, Fozzie, and Animal peering in. The trio went around the side)
WALTER+: Let's go get him.
(INT. BACKSTAGE, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Kermit told the prisoners)
Kermit: Escapo, you're up after the ballet.
(Fozzie, Walter, and Animal peered in)
Walter: Kermit! Kermit! Psst!
Fozzie: Kermit!
ANIMAL: Kermit.
(Kermit looked back and was quite surprised)
Kermit: Fozzie. Walter. Animal.
Fozzie: We're here to rescue you.
Walter: Yes! And we're got to go right now!
(Kermit checked that the coast was clear)
(EXT. GULAG 38B — NIGHT. He led them outside where they could talk, even though it was freezing cold)
Kermit: Hey! I can't believe you're here. It's so good to see you guys!
(Fozzie put his hand on Kermit's shoulder)
Fozzie: Kermit, listen. An evil frog named Constantine has taken over the Muppets and replaced you!
Kermit: What? Constantine replaced me?
WALTER: Yeah. And he was working together with Dominic.
(Kermit knew that the tour manager was the bad guy)
Walter: They're planning something terrible, but we don't know what.
Fozzie: Kermit's back. Let's go.
(But Kermit didn't move)
Kermit: But… How could you not have noticed that he'd replaced me, Fozzie?
Fozzie: He looked like you and he talked like you. Okay, he didn't talk that much like you, come to think of it. But he said he had a cold.
Animal: Animal know.
Kermit: "Animal know"?
Animal: Mmm-hmm.
(Kermit couldn't believe what he was hearing)
Kermit: You mean, all this time, I've been locked in a Russian gulag, no one, not one single person from the Muppets except Animal noticed I'd been replaced by an evil criminal mastermind?
(Fozzie grimaced)
Fozzie: It sounds worse than it was.
Walter: No. It's as bad as it sounds.
Kermit: (SIGHS) I thought you guys had forgotten about me. That you didn't need me anymore.
Fozzie: We'd never forget about you.
Walter: We need you more than ever, Kermit.
Animal: Good frog.
(Suddenly, a Gulag newspaper truck wheeled past them)
Newspaper Girl: Late extra! Late extra! Read all about it! Kermit and Miss Piggy to be married in the Tower of London!
(A bundle of newspapers was tossed to the ground. Kermit and the others could see the headline: KIND OF ROYAL WEDDING AT TOWER OF LONDON: KERMIT TO MARRY PIGGY TOMORROW AT 3 PM)
(His friends were just as shocked)
WALTER: What?
ANIMAL: Uh-oh.
(Kermit stared at the paper, stunned)
Kermit: Piggy?
(Kermit bent down and picked up a newspaper)
Kermit: Piggy's gonna marry the world's most dangerous frog tomorrow?
(Immediately, Kermit made a decision)
Kermit: Piggy and the gang are in danger! To London! (runs away)
All: No. Kermit!
(There was only one problem: They were stuck inside the Gulag!)
Kermit: Oh, yeah, I forget. I'm in a gulag. Sorry about that, Ivan!
Ivan the Guard: It's okay, Kermit! No problem, Kermit. It's easy mistake.
Kermit: Right. Thanks for not shooting me!
Ivan the Guard: Sure. No problem… Hey, nothing personal.
Kermit: We have to escape, guys. Tonight!
(Fozzie, Walter, and Animal looked at one another)
FOZZIE: But how?
Kermit+: Well, the weakest point in the Gulag is over there by the fourth wall.
Walter+: Okay. We're gonna have to break the fourth wall.
(Then Kermit, Fozzie, Walter, and Animal look at the audience, silence)
Fozzie+: I don't think is gonna work, guys.
Kermit+: I'm afraid you're right.
(Just then, a prisoner with a large burlap sack walked up to them)
Prisoner: Kermit. Do you know where these prop pick axes and shovels are supposed to go for this big mining number?
KERMIT: Uh…
Walter: Wait!
(LIGHTNING CRASHES)
(Walter noticed a toolshed. Inside, he and the others found real axes, tools, and shovels)
Walter: I've got it!
Fozzie: Bingo.
(A plan began to form…)
(INT. STAGE, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. A short while later, Kermit was back inside and took to the stage)
KERMIT: And now, folks, the Great Escapo!
(A prisoner named ESCAPO shuffled onto the stage in manacles and cuffs. He tried to escape them...and succeeded! The guards applauded wildly as Escapo ran through the audience toward the exit)
(Nadya stood up)
Nadya: Oh, no, you don't.
(She shot Escapo with her stun gun)
Nadya: Nice try, Escapo.
(INT. BACKSTAGE, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Kermit saw what had happened, and now he was nervous)
Kermit: I sure hope this works, Walter. I have tried a lot of ways to get out of here.
Walter: This is gonna work, Kermit. I'll see you on the outside.
Kermit: Okay!
Walter: Gosh, I hope this works.
(INT. STAGE, GULAG 38B — NIGHT. Kermit walked back onstage to huge applause)
Kermit: Oh, thank you, thank you, everybody. And now, we're going underground. Working in the coal mine!
(The famous tune began playing)
"Working in the Coal Mine")
Prison King & Prisoners (All): *Workin' in a coal mine, goin' down, down, down
*Workin' in a coal mine, whoop, about to slip down
*Five o'clock in the mornin', I'm all ready up and gone
*Lord I am so tired, how long can this go on?
*That I'm workin' in a coal mine, goin' down, down, down
*Workin' in a coal mine, whoops, about to slip down
*Workin' in a coal mine, goin' down, down, down
*Workin' in a coal mine, whoops, about to slip down
*Lord I am so tired,
*Workin' in a coal mine, goin' down, down, down
*Workin' in a coal mine, whoops, about to slip down
*Workin' in a coal mine, goin' down, down, down
*Workin' in a coal mine, whoop, about to slip down
*In the coal mine*
(Suddenly, the music stopped. The stage was empty and the curtain fell. Nadya and the guards gave the performers a standing ovation)
Crowd: Bravo! Bravo!
Nadya: Bravo!
(The curtain rose, and the stage was still completely empty. At that moment, Nadya realized what had happened)
Nadya: Oh, no.
(She had been tricked!)
Nadya: Kermie!
(EXT. GULAG 38B — NIGHT. The truck drove out of the Gulag)
WALTER: I can't believe that worked!
KERMIT: We did it! Great work, guys!
(INSIDE THE TRUCK)
Kermit: Now put the pedal to the metal. We have a wedding to crash!
All: Yeah!
(EXT. THE FJORDS — DAY. Sven charges down the mountain with Kristoff and Anna on his back. Olaf slides along beside them, penguin-style)
(Anna shivers in Kristoff's arms. She's weakening. Kristoff takes off his hat and puts it on her head)
Kristoff: Just hang in there. (to Sven) Come on, buddy, faster!
(They arrive at the walls of Arendelle. Olaf slides past them, out of control)
Olaf: Oh, boy! Whoa! I'll meet you guys at the castle!
KRISTOFF: Stay out of sight, Olaf.
OLAF: I will!
(He disappears into the village streets)
Olaf: (O.S.) Hello!
Townswoman: (O.S.) (SCREAMS) It's alive!
(EXT. CASTLE COURTYARD — DAY. Guards see Kristoff and Anna approaching)
Guard: It's Princess Anna!
(Sven skids to a stop outside the gates. Kristoff slides off, holding Anna, and carries her to the gate)
Kristoff: I've got you.
(Anna looks up at him, gratefully)
Anna: (SHIVERING) Are you gonna be okay?
Kristoff: (touched, reassuring) Don't worry about me.
(Just then the castle gates open. Gerda, Kai, and a handmaid rush to help Anna)
GERDA: Anna! You had us worried sick.
Kai: My Lady. You are freezing.
Kristoff: Get her warm. And find Prince Hans, immediately.
Kai: We will. Thank you.
(Anna is swept away from Kristoff and into the palace grounds)
Kristoff: Make sure she's safe.
GERDA: Oh, you poor girl, you're freezing. Oh, let's get you inside now and get you warm.
(Kristoff is shut out as the castle gates close on him)
(Kristoff stands there with Sven for a beat, staring with the closed gates)
(Finally, he sighs, turns and walks off. Sven reluctantly follows)
(INT. LIBRARY — DAY. Hans stands with the dignitaries and guards)
Hans: I'm going back out to look for Princess Anna.
French Dignitary: You cannot risk going out there again.
Hans: If anything happens to her...
Spanish Dignitary: If anything happens to the princess, you are all Arendelle has left.
(Hans hesitates, realizing how much this kingdom has come to depend on him. Is he really all they have left?)
(Just then the door opens and Gerda and Kai bring in Anna)
KAI: He's in here. Prince Hans.
Hans: Anna.
(Hans rushes to Anna. She falls into his arms)
Hans: You're so cold.
Anna: Hans, you have to kiss me.
Hans: What?
Anna: Now! Now! Here we go.
Hans: Slow down.
(Hans is too weak to pull herself up in his arms)
Gerda: We'll give you two some privacy.
(Everyone shuffles out, leaving Hans and Anna alone)
Hans: What happened out there?
Anna: Elsa struck me with her powers.
Hans: You said she would never hurt you.
Anna: I was wrong.
(Anna crumbles, weak)
Hans: Anna.
(Hans carries her to a couch, sets her down)
Anna: (shivering) She froze my heart, and only an act of true love can save me.
(Hans takes this well)
Hans: (understanding) A true love's kiss.
(He takes her chin in his hand and gives her a tender smile. He leans in slowly...gently...)
(Then he stops)
Hans: Oh, Anna. If only there was someone out there who loved you.
Anna: What?
(Hans gets up, leaving her there)
Anna: You said you did.
(He goes to the window and shuts the curtains)
Hans: As thirteenth in line in my own kingdom, I didn't stand a chance. I knew I would have to marry into the throne somewhere.
Anna: What... What are you talking about?
Hans: (putting out the candles) As heir, Elsa was preferable, of course. But no one was getting anywhere with her. But you...
Anna: Hans!
Hans: You were so desperate for love, you were willing to marry me just like that.
(Hans crosses the room, grabs a pitcher of water from a table and goes to the fireplace)
Hans: I figured after we married, I would have to stage a little accident for Elsa.
(Hans pours the water on the fireplace, putting out the fire. Anna tries to stop him. She falls to the floor, weak)
Anna: Hans! (GASPS) No. Stop.
Hans: But then, she doomed herself, and you were dumb enough to go after her.
Anna: Please.
Hans: (CHUCKLES) All that's left now is to kill Elsa, and bring back summer.
(Hans approaches Anna)
Anna: You're no match for Elsa.
(He bends down, takes her chin in his hand again, this time not so gently)
Hans: No, you're no match for Elsa. I, on the other hand, am the hero who is going to save Arendelle from destruction.
(She wrenches her face out of his hands)
Anna: (anger) You won't get away with this.
(Hans rises and crosses to the door)
Hans: Oh... I already have.
(Hans leaves and shuts her in, locking the door. Anna struggles to the door, yanks on the locked handle)
Anna: (hoarse and weak) (WHIMPERING) Please, somebody, help.
(The rest of her hair turns white and she crumbles to the floor)
Anna: Please. Please.
(INT. COUNCIL CHAMBER — WINDY WHITEOUT DAY. The Duke looks out the window at the growing snowstorm. He rubs his arms and shivers)
DUKE: It's getting colder by the minute. If we don't do something soon, we'll all freeze to death.
(Hans comes in, putting on his most distraught face)
Spanish Dignitary: Prince Hans.
Hans: Princess Anna is... Dead.
Various Dignitaries: What? No...
French Dignitary: (SPEAKING FRENCH)
(Hans stumbles, weak with grief. The men help him to a chair)
Duke: What happened to her?
Hans: She was killed. By Queen Elsa.
ALL: (GASP) No!
Duke: Her own sister.
Hans: (really putting it on) At least we got to say our marriage vows before she died in my arms.
(He bows his head in a brilliant display of teary grief)
Duke: There can be no doubt now. Queen Elsa is a monster, and we are all in grave danger.
Spanish Dignitary: Prince Hans, Arendelle look to you.
(Hans nods; he knows what he's being asked to do, and he'll do it with the perfect amount of authority and gravitas)
Hans: With a heavy heart, I charge Queen Elsa of Arendelle with treason. And sentence her to death.
(INT. DUNGEON — WINDY WHITEOUT DAY. The cell ices over. Elsa looks out at the storm that is devastating Arendelle, then hears the guards approaching)
GUARD 1: Hurry up!
GUARD 2: She's dangerous. Move quickly and with resolve.
GUARD 3: Careful.
(Elsa pulls at her shackles. They crack)
Guard 2: (O.S.) It won't open!
GUARD 1: It's frozen shut.
GUARD 2: Put your back into it!
GUARD 4: Come on! Push!
(Just as the door busts open, the weight of the ice crumbles the walls. The men duck out of the way)
(Hans pushes his way into the room...sees...)
(The back wall is blown open. Broken shackles rest on the floor. Elsa is gone)
(EXT. ENGLAND, OUTSIDE LONDON — DAY. The herd were heading for the boat. Sid was being his best to keep up)
Sid: Can… Can we slow down a little? I'm dying here.
(Until, a vulture appeared)
Sid: It was just a figure of speech!
(Soon, all of vultures began surrounding them)
Manny: They just sit there, watching us.
Sid: I wish I knew what they were thinking.
("Food Glorious Food")
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: *Food, glorious food… we're anxious to try it
Female Vulture 1: *Three banquets a day, our favorite diet!
Condor Chick: *Just picture a fairy steak, fried, roasted or stewed
All Vultures: *Oh, food, wonderful food, marvelous food, glorious food!
*Food, glorious food,
Male Vulture 1: *Poached possum served flambe,
Female Vulture 2: *Broth made from a sloth,
All Vultures: *Or a saber-tooth souffle,
*Why should we be fated to,
*Do noting but brood,
*On food, magical food, wonderful food, marvelous food?
*Food, glorious food,
*Flesh picked off the dead ones,
*Rank, rotten, or chewed,
*Soon, we'll be the fed ones!
Male Vulture 2: *Just thinking of putrid meat
Female Vulture 3: *Puts us in a mood for
All Vultures: *Food, glorious food, marvelous food, fabulous food, beautiful food,
Condor Chick: *Magical food,
All Vultures: *Glorious food!*
(Manny, Sid, Diego, Ellie, Eddie, and Crash went hanging from a branch)
Manny: There. Now you know what they were thinking.
(The branch finally broke and the friends fall to the ground)
(EXT. MINEFIELD, LONDON — DAY. The whole landscape had changed, but with a little luck the exhausted group managed to make it to the top of a hill)
Sid: (SINGING) Food, glorious food
Manny & Diego (Both): Sid!
Sid: What? It's catchy.
Ellie: There it is.
(Finally, they spied the floating thing the creepy vulture had described. It was a huge sequoia ocean liner perched high atop a distant mountain at the middle of the River Thames. They could see many different kinds of creatures streaming toward it from all directions)
Diego: We made it.
Sid: Yeah, we showed those scary vultures!
(They cheered, "Whoo-hoo!" Eddie tossed a big handful of snow in the air. It plopped down on Crash's head. Crash picked up another handful and slung it at his brother. Within seconds they were all laughing and tossing snowballs at each other in celebration)
Manny & Ellie: (LAUGHING)
EDDIE: Hey! (WHOOPING)
(Manny and Ellie reached down into the snow for more ammo and accidentally touched trunks. They looked into each other's eyes and were surprised by the deep connection they felt. Their hearts melted like the glaciers. Ellie flashed Manny a mischievous grin and Manny read his mind. They formed a big snowball and... Rat-tat-tat-tat! They shot quick rounds at Crash and Eddie, Sid, and Diego)
(Before the pals could retaliate, the whole hillside they were standing on suddenly gave way with a big whoosh)
All: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
(They were carried down by the mudslide and landed–SPLAT!–in a big hole, each one of them sticking out of the mud at a different angle, like a handful of tossed pickup sticks)
(Sid, Crash, and Eddie hauled themselves out of the hole first)
(Before them lay a treacherous minefield pocked with steaming vents. Every now and then, seemingly without any rhyme or reason, one of the vents would blow, sending boiling hot water spouting high into the air)
Diego: We raced the water and lost.
(The LONE GUNSLINGER VULTURE flies over the geyser field)
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: There's no escape.
(He swooped down and landed in front of them)
Sid: Did the scary vulture say anything about exploding geysers?
Lone Gunslinger Vulture: Y'all going to be boiled alive. It will be an instant of pain that feels like an…
(Before the Lone Gunslinger could finish its sentence–BOOM!–a geyser went off and blasted the bird to smithereens. Feathers drifted down around them like snow)
Diego: Now, that's a visual aid!
(One by one poles began to lose their grip and fall)
Eddie: Crash, I'm too young to die!
Crash: Actually, we have really short life spans, so you're kinda due.
Sid: Oh, it's just a little hot water and steam. How bad could it be?
(The dodo, traveling alone, walked through a geyser and–BOOM!–was incinerated alive and turned into a roasted bird)
Sid: I just did something involuntary, and messy.
(Manny stepped forward in an attempt to investigate the situation)
Manny: Okay, come on.
(A geyser blew up right next to him)
Diego: Manny, get back! It's a minefield out there!
(Manny stepped back and surveyed the land before him, as geysers blew up all around the group)
Manny: There's only one way to go… Straight through.
Ellie: Straight through? We'd like to keep the fur on our bodies, thank you. We'll head back and go around. That's safer.
MANNY: No. No. There's no time. The dam will burst before we make it. We'll drown!
(He walked up to Ellie and started her right in the face)
ELLIE: If we go through this, we get blown to bits.
(As the two fought, water started to seep into the ground, covering the pals' feet. Blasts of steam and water continued to shoot up all around them. Diego and Sid exchanged nervous glances)
Manny: We go forward.
Ellie: We go back!
Manny: Forward!
Ellie: Back!
Manny: Forward!
Ellie: Back!
(Manny stood up straight to tower over Ellie, hoping to assert some authority. Ellie responded by straightening herself up as well, standing eye to eye with Manny. The tension was rising as the group stood still, scared to move for fear of walking right into an active geyser)
Diego: Can I say something?
Both: No!
Manny: You are so stubborn and hardheaded!
Ellie: Well, I guess that proves it – I am a mammoth!
(She turned to leave)
Ellie: Come on.
(She started to walk, and the possums followed close behind her)
Manny: Fine.
(Manny hung his head in frustration and breathed a sigh. He walked away angrily with his group, as Ellie walked away with his)
(Manny marched right into the geyser field, without hesitating to plan out a route. Sid and Diego just followed right behind him, trying to stay as close as possible to their leader. Geysers shot up all around them)
Sid: I don't know. Drowning sounds like a much gentler way to go. Blown to bits sounds so… sudden.
(Sid continued to shriek at random moments while geyser shot up all around him. As the group made their way through the geysers, Manny lost in his frustration and anger, kept on walking. Sid stopped to tiptoe around the geysers, and after a few minutes at this pace, Manny was way ahead of him)
Sid: He's gonna get himself killed! Manny, wait! Manny!
(Manny marched on, paying no attention to the explosions surrounding him, when a geyser erupted, blowing him backwards. Stunned, he listened to the voices repeating in his head)
JAMES' DAD: Kids, look! The last mammoth!
SID: I just heard you're going extinct.
ELLIE: Bravery is just dumb.
MANNY: You can't be two things!
CRASH: She thinks you're a jerk and to go away!
BIRD: Where's your big happy family?
MANNY: What if I am a last mammoth?
ELLIE: What's wrong with you? (VOICE ECHOING)
(Diego and Sid ran up to Manny and snapped him out of his stupor)
Diego: Hey, come on! We gotta go! Now!
(Manny watched as more and more geysers exploded into the air. How would they get out of this mess?)
Sid: Manny, snap out of it!
Ellie: Hey, guys! Head out from the tree, pass three geysers, and then go left.
(Manny glanced up. He saw Ellie perched on the branch of a tree)
Manny: Ellie! What are you doing up there?
Ellie: The geysers are blowing up. I can see it from here.
(Ellie promised to guide her friends through the exploding geyser field. He would then follow her own directions to safety)
Ellie: As you said, a mammoth never forgets.
(Sid helped Manny up. He wasn't crazy about Ellie's plan, but there was no other way. So with Diego behind him, Manny and Sid moved out)
DIEGO: That way!
Ellie: Go left! Good! Now cut right! Awesome!
(The group zigzagged through the exploding maze. The group ran out of the geyser field into safe territory. They were almost at the boat. After a few close calls, they were home free)
Ellie: You did it!
(She was about to climb down from the tree when–)
(Boom! Boom! Boom!)
(Ellie froze. A bunch of geysers were exploding all around her!)
Ellie: Oh, boy.
(The tree underneath her burst into splinters. She had to get out of the field fast!)
(Ellie could hardly see through the thick mist. She could hear the guys cheering her on as she crisscrossed the exploding geysers)
(The ground rumbled and began to split. On one side of the deep crack stood Manny, Sid and Diego)
(On the other side stood Ellie and Crash and Eddie)
Ellie: We're okay!
(Manny stared at the crack. It was too deep for them to cross)
Manny: Ellie, go around the corner. We'll meet you at the boat!
Ellie: Last one there is a fossil!
(By now, boiling water was pouring through the English countryside and heading for the dam)
Manny: The worst is behind us. But it's catching up to us quickly!
(Time was running out for the migrating mammals. Would they make it to the boat? Or would the raging flood waters halt them permanently?)
(EXT. BLOOMSBURY, LONDON — DAY. In the flash, Clarion and Tinker Bell flew through Bloomsbury. Her other friends followed, including Fawn, Rosetta, Iridessa, Silvermist, and Vidia. Snowflakes were falling rapidly now, and fairies throughout the warm seasons were panicking)
Iridessa: We saw the snow.
Minister of Summer: Queen Clarion, something's wrong!
(It was the seasons' ministers; SUMMER, AUTUMN, and SPRING)
Minister of Autumn: The temperature, it seems to be plummeting!
Minister of Summer: The hibiscuses are halfway to hibernation!
Queen Clarion: Now, now, ministers, let's not panic.
Minister of Spring: Absolutely right. (SCREAMS) Snow!
(They reached the steep hill near the border and looked into the distance. They couldn't believe their eyes. Snow was billowing up into the sky from the edge of the border, and it was beginning to blanket the warm seasons of London. Just then, Tinker Bell heard Clank and Bobble)
BOBBLE: Heave!
CLANK: Ho!
Bobble: Heave!
Clank: Ho!
(They were struggling down below in the riverbed by the border. He flew toward the sound of their voices and found them on a ledge near an icy waterfall. They were trying to move the snowmaker)
Bobble: Put your muscle into it, Clanky!
Clank: I'm trying, Bobble!
Bobble: Heave!
Clank: Ho!
Tinker Bell: What happened? How did this get here?
(The last time she did see the snowmaker; it had been on the bridge back in Dublin)
Clank: We don't know, Miss Bell, but it's stuck real good!
Bobble: Aye, and it's making that thing bigger by the minute!
(Bobble pointed to the mound of snow piling high into the sky. Tinker Bell turned to Rosetta and her friends)
Tinker Bell: Guys, down here!
Rosetta: Come on!
Bobble: Got it!
(The rest of her friends flew to help move the snowmaker)
TINKER BELL: Okay, push!
(With all their might, the fairies pushed and shoved)
Clank: All together. All together! Upsy-daisy.
(Finally, the machine broke free. It tumbled deeper into the riverbed and splashed into the water)
BOBBLE: We did it!
(ALL CHEERING)
Clank: We did it!
Tinker Bell: It's over.
Vidia: Uh, I don't think it is.
(Vidia pointed up at the sky. Though the machine was gone, the snow was still coming down. A cold breeze ruffled the fairies' clothes and sent chills to the skin)
QUEEN CLARION: Oh, my goodness. The seasons have been thrown out of balance.
MINISTER OF SPRING: But if the temperatures continue to drop, it will freeze all of Pixie Hollow.
(All the fairies looked to Clarion for guidance. But she remained silent. Just then, a sharp crack behind them grabbed their attention. The fairies watched as a large, frozen tree branch broke and fell to the ground)
Queen Clarion: Oh, no.
Minister of Autumn: Queen Clarion, the Pixie Dust Tree.
(The queen's eyes grew wide)
(Immediately, she flew high in the sky and gazed at the Tower of London and the boat on top of the mountain, where it locates the Pixie Dust Tree next to the Tower Bridge and the Thames river)
Queen Clarion: We must hope the tree survives the freeze. Otherwise there will be no more pixie dust. Life in Pixie Hollow will change forever. And no fairy will ever fly again.
(The fairies all gasped, picturing life without pixie dust. The queen motioned to them)
Queen Clarion: Hurry. We must do everything we can.
(EXT. KENSINGTON GARDENS, BLOOMSBURY — DAY. Everyone in London began to prepare for the coming freeze. The fairies needed to make sure that they would be able to stay warm until the cold had passed)
Bobble: Get as many as you can and head for the Pixie Dust Tree!
(Fawn escorted a group of frogs into the log)
Fawn: Hurry, guys! This way! Hop to it! That's it!
(Rosetta takes an armful of fireflies and placed into the flower, which Iridessa filled it up around them)
Rosetta: Snug as a bug.
(One firefly is missing)
Iridessa: Oh, no!
(She and the fireflies watch as the missing firefly joined the rest of his buddies)
(Silvermist is directing the slugs)
Silvermist: Come on, that's it. Just a little faster.
(EXT. BLOOMSBURY, LONDON — DAY. Meanwhile, Fairy Mary was directing the fairies of the London)
FAIRY MARY: That's it, fairies. Warp the blankets along the branches, as many as you can! We must protect the tree!
(Clank and Bobble saw Tinker Bell pass)
Clank: Miss Bell!
Bobble: Tink! Do you need any help?
Tinker Bell: No! This is my last run! I'll meet you at the tree!
(INT. NURSERY, BLOOMSBURY — DAY. Tinker Bell was helping several pillbugs keep cozy)
Tinker Bell: (SIGHS) Everybody okay? Great. There you go. Nice and toasty. You guys just stay here and keep warm. Everything's going to be... Fine.
(Suddenly, a twinkle caught Tinker Bell's eye. She turned to see Periwinkle's frosted blue flower resting on the table at the living room. Rosetta must have brought it with her to London after they had taken Periwinkle back to the Winter Woods. Part of the frost casing had broken away. She couldn't believe what she saw. The flower's petal stretched wide in full bloom)
Tinker Bell: It's still alive.
(Slowly, an idea began began to form in his mind. If the frost had helped keep the flower alive, then maybe…)
(Tink looked out the window, in the direction of the Winter Woods)
Tinker Bell: Peri.
(EXT. THE PITS, BUCKINGHAM PALACE, LONDON — DAY. Bugs Bunny, flanked by Blanko, Granny, Sylvester, Tweety, Bupkus, Yosemite Sam, Nawt, Foghorn, Pound, Wile E., Lola, the Road Runner, Porky, Daffy, Pepe, and Taz, are in front of----)
(---Wendy and the rest of the tourists)
Bugs: We came as soon as you called.
Wendy: I called to talk to Peter. It never occurred to me he wouldn't be there.
Sylvester: Elmer is talking to Scotland Yard now.
Daffy: And Bang is in touch with his friends in the alien invasion.
Bugs: You just need to focus on the race.
Wendy: I know but, Bugs with everything going on, I'm not sure...
(Someone's entering. Everyone parts, revealing MILES AXLEROD)
Wendy: Sir Axlerod.
Miles Axlerod: I'm sorry to interrupt.
Wendy: It's all right.
Miles Axlerod: I just wanted to come down here and personally thank you. Because after Ireland, I was finished, and then you gave me one last shot.
Wendy: Listen...
Miles Axlerod: I probably shouldn't be saying this, but I hope you win today. You show the world that they've been wrong about Incanta.
(Wendy takes this in. She looks at Bugs)
Bugs: Peter would want you to race.
Wendy: All right. For Peter.
(EXT. THE STARTING GRID — MOMENTS LATER. WINGS FLITTER ---)
(WENDY, FIONNOULA and the other tourists PEEL OUT ---)
(We PAN UP to reveal the LEMONHEADS watching from a VIP box)
(EXT. ENTRANCE, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY (TIMELINE: 14:33). Perfect for a wedding, as guests entered the waiting line at the Tower of London. Crowds gathered as policemen with dogs patrolled the surrounding streets)
FOZZIE: That's a nice venue.
(Nearby, Kermit, Walter, Fozzie, and Animal looked out from the truck they'd stolen from the Gulag)
(Kermit frowned)
KERMIT: The main entrance is too well-guarded. I'm gonna need to get in some other way.
(He scanned the area and noticed a service entrance, where caterers and florists were making deliveries)
Young Florist: Here you go.
(Quickly, Kermit got in line to pick up a flower bouquet)
Young Florist: You're the new guy?
Kermit: Yes, I am. The new guy.
Young Florist: Next time, wear a uniform.
Kermit: Right.
(He took the flowers and hid behind the bouquet as he made his way inside the Tower)
(EXT. TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Everything looked good–until Dominic stopped him)
Dominic+: What are you doing here?
(Kermit jumped in surprise)
Dominic+: You're supposed to be getting ready, Number One.
(He thinks that Kermit was Constantine)
Dominic+: And also, your mole thing is showing.
(Kermit quickly launched into a Constantine impression)
Kermit+: Ah, yes. (as Constantine) Yes, of course. I know that, you complete idiot. Why do you think I am walking around with these flowers to cover my face?
(Dominic was confused)
Dominic+: All right. Calm down.
Kermit+: Thank you. (as Constantine) For nothing!
(He left and walked inside the gates of the Tower of London)
(INT. HALLWAY, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Kermit opened a side door and let in Fozzie, Animal, and Walter)
Fozzie: Wow, Kermit, you were like James Bond back there.
Kermit: Thanks, Fozzie. It felt pretty good, actually.
(Kermit knew there was no time to waste. They had to find Piggy!)
Kermit: Okay, listen, guys. Walter, you take Animal and go look in the chapel.
Walter: Right.
Kermit: Fozzie, you come with me.
Fozzie: Yes, sir.
Kermit: Good luck, guys.
Walter: You too, Kermit.
(The two groups split up)
(INT. CONSTANTINE'S ROOM, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Fozzie and Kermit headed for Piggy's dressing room. But she wasn't there. So they headed to the groom's dressing room)
KERMIT: Piggy?
(But she wasn't in there, either)
Kermit: Where is she?
(Fozzie noticed)
Fozzie: Kermit, these are your clothes.
(He reached for one but slipped, knocking over a full-length mirror. It fell and shattered!)
Kermit: Shh!
CONSTANTINE: This tuxedo is too tight.
Kermit: Someone's coming! Hide! Hide!
(Fozzie dropped to the ground and pretended to be a bear rug)
CONSTANTINE: Which room am I supposed to be in? Ah, here it is.
(Kermit picked up the frame from the mirror and put it back on its stand–just as Constantine walked through the dressing room door)
(Kermit noticed that Constantine was wearing a tux and quickly put on one himself)
Constantine: Ach, I hate weddings.
(He looked in the mirror. But the mirror wasn't there! Instead, Kermit imitated each movement. When Constantine looked left, Kermit looked the same direction. When Constantine combed his hair, Kermit combed his own. When Constantine put on a hat, Kermit grabbed a hat that didn't match. But Constantine wasn't tipped off. He leaned close to the "mirror" to inspect the hat. Kermit moved closer, too. Their noses almost touched. Constantine was about to say something when Dominic walked through the door)
Constantine: Ah. There you are. Well, don't just stand there gawping, Number Two. Come in.
Dominic+: How did you do that?
CONSTANTINE+: Do what?
(Dominic took a step forward, right onto Fozzie)
Fozzie+: Ow! I mean, nothing.
(Luckily, Fozzie's comment was ignored)
Constantine: Whatever. Let us take this convenient opportunity to review our plans, hmm? Once you've stolen the Crown Jewels and framed the Muppets, ring the Tower bell five times and we will rendezvous on the roof and make our escape in the honeymoon helicopter.
Dominic: But what will you do when you're married? Because the pig will know everything.
(Constantine shook his head)
Constantine+: Phase four. I do not plan to be married for long.
Dominic+: Yeah, but if you get divorced, you have to share the Crown Jewels with her fifty-fifty.
Constantine: I will not be getting divorced, you idiot. As soon as she's served her purpose, kaboom. It will be smoked ham and bacon for breakfast. And no one can stop me now. (LAUGHING EVILLY)
(The champagne delivery man arrived)
Delivery Man: Champagne fridge delivery. For Mr., uh… The Frog.
CONSTANTINE: Ah, yes. Put it over there on the bear-skin rug.
(They moved the champagne fridge and putted it right on top of Fozzie!)
FOZZIE: Ooh!
Constantine: Thank you! (to Dominic) It's show time.
(After Constantine and Dominic left, Kermit helped Fozzie up from the floor)
Kermit: Fozzie, are you okay?
Fozzie: (flat) Yeah, I think so. How do I look?
Kermit: You look fine. You look fine. Come on, we have to go rescue Miss Piggy!
Fozzie: Right! Let's go!
(INT. HALLWAY, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. He and Fozzie ran out of the dressing room–and right into Sam and Jean)
Jean Pierre: The Lemur! I have you finally!
(Sam jumped in)
Sam the Eagle: And Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog!
Jean Pierre: This game is finally over between us, and I am the winner!
Sam the Eagle: Captured together. We are victorious, my French friend.
Kermit: No, no, no.
Sam the Eagle: As you might say, case sol-ved!
(Jean has instantly changed into beach clothes)
Jean Pierre: Perfect! Time for my annual eight-week paid vacation. Au revoir.
French Woman: Au revoir.
(As Jean left, Sam shouted after him)
Sam the Eagle: No, wait! What am I supposed to do with them until the mobile holding unit arrives?
(But he didn't hear him)
Jean Pierre: On holiday!
(They were already in vacation mode. So Sam had no choice…)
(EXT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — MOMENTS LATER. But to stuff Kermit and Fozzie into the tiny Le Maximum. He handcuffed them to the steering wheel so they wouldn't escape)
KERMIT: No, you've got the wrong frog.
Sam the Eagle: And stay there! Hmph!
(Sam left)
(INT. HALLWAY, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Constantine and Dominic walked down a hallway)
Constantine: Oh, and so you should know, Number Two, I have hired us help, to keep you honest. Number Twos have a habit of betraying their Number Ones. Here, meet your accomplices. The world's smallest team of jewel thieves.
(They stood a Muppet named BOBBY BENSON, surrounded by his band of babies)
Bobby Benson: Salutations. Babies, meet your new boss.
(Constantine smiled wryly)
Constantine: Genius, I know! Who would suspect babies of stealing the Crown Jewels? Good luck, Number Two.
Dominic: You too, Number One.
Constantine: Look at their sweet faces.
Babies: (BLOWING RASPBERRIES)
(Dominic looked closely at their smushed faces, but didn't think they were sweet at all. But he knew he had no choice. He headed off with the Babies)
(INT. SAINT JOHN'S CHAPEL, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Link finds the seats in the pews)
LINK HOGTHROB: Let's see. Where am I seated? I'll need an usher. Usher? Is there an Usher?
(The Usher appears beside him)
Usher: Yes. I'm the Usher. Pig or Frog?
Link Hogthrob: What do you think?
Usher: I don't know, man. Pig?
Link Hogthrob: No. Frog. I'm related through marriage. What kind of an usher are you?
Usher: (SIGHS)
(Scooter and Rowlf greeted the Disney Channel stars: Bridgit Mendler, Debby Ryan, Tyrel Jackson Williams, and Jake Short)
Scooter+: Hey, there. Can we help you guys?
Tyrel Jackson Williams: Yeah, we're the Disney synergy invites. This is out row.
Rowlf+: What's synergy?
Jake Short: It's the interaction of multiple elements in a system.
Scooter+: Okay, see you soon.
(EXT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Sam was guarding the car, not noticing Kermit is gagging, gargling, and coughing. Then he did it again. And again. And again!)
Fozzie+: Kermit, are you carsick?
Kermit+: (COUGHS) I swallowed a hairpin months ago, in case something like this should happen. It's one of those things you learn in prison, Fozzie.
Fozzie+: Hmm.
(He coughed up a hairpin and secured it with his lips)
Kermit+: Give me your paw.
Fozzie+: Huh? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
(Kermit then skillfully maneuvered it down to Fozzie's cuffed hand)
Fozzie+: That's slimy.
(And then he dropped it)
Kermit+: Fozzie! I had that in my gullet for three months.
(He looked for it on the floor, but it was out of reach)
Fozzie+: I'm sorry, but that was just gross.
Kermit+: Good grief.
(INT. HALLWAY, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Dominic and the Babies turned a corner and reached a dead end. Dominic looked at the map, confused. Then he brushed away some dirt on the wall, revealing an ancient-looking keyhole. He took out Thomas Blood's key, put it in the hole, and turned it slowly. Down by his legs, a small hidden doorway opened)
Dominic: Wow, people really were smaller in the old days. You're up, little dudes.
Baby Boss: Go, go, go.
(The Babies crawled down the dusty, cobwebbed passage. It was clear they had done this kind of thing before as they moved in strict formation. One of them made a hand signal and popped out a stone block. Then they threw down a rope made of baby blankets. One by one, and in complete silence, they climbed down into the lobby where the Crown Jewels were kept)
(Once the Babies were all in the lobby, they crawled toward the front door. The door's lock was far above their heads. What to do? They quickly formed a baby pyramid, and the top baby opened the lock. Dominic was on the other side of the door. Once he heard the click of the lock, he dashed inside, closing the door behind them)
(EXT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. The two friends were still handcuffed inside Le Maximum. In the distance, they could hear Big Ben chime. It was three o'clock)
Kermit: The wedding, it's starting.
(He notices that Piggy is wearing her wedding gown)
Kermit: She looks beautiful.
(Kermit hung his head. How was he going to save Piggy now?)
(Kermit was going crazy. Things were getting worse)
Kermit: Fozzie, we got to do something.
Fozzie: Oh, this is so frustrating!
(In protest, he banged his foot on the floor of the car–and his foot went right through!)
Fozzie: Wow, would you look at that? Now that's a poorly made car.
(Kermit looked down and pushed both his feet through the floor)
Kermit: Let's get out of here!
(Through the car's now-open floor, the pair used their feet and "walked" the car closer to the Tower)
Kermit+: Bear left.
Fozzie+: Right, frog.
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE BOAT — DAY. Manny, Sid, and Diego made to the trail to the boat. It was chaotic. Hordes of creatures pushed and shoved and spat and hissed at one another. Two vultures fly above the crowd, making announcements)
VULTURE: Do not leave your children unattended. All unattended children will be eaten.
(Manny, Sid and Diego pressed through the crowd, searching for Ellie. Manny asked he passed)
Manny: Have you seen a mammoth?
Male Shovelmouth: No. Sorry.
Manny: Have you seen a mammoth?
Female Macrauchenia: No. No, I haven't.
Diego: Possum about 11 foot tall?
Aardvark Mom: Uh-uh.
(Manny makes his way through the crowd until he finds the glyptodon)
Manny: Hey, buddy, have you seen a mammoth?
Glyptodon: I sure have. Big as life.
Manny: Where?
Glyptodon: I'm looking at him.
Manny: Not me.
(The glyptodon leaned over to his wife)
Glyptodon: Poor guy. Doesn't know he's a mammoth.
(A loud, thundering rumble came from across London and the Winter Woods. Everyone turned toward it at once)
(EXT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. With some pulling and pushing, Kermit and Fozzie extracted themselves from the car but were still attached to the steering wheel)
(Nearby, a basement window in the Tower opened and Walter stuck out his head)
Fozzie: Wait a second. It's made of marzipan!
(He took a bite of the steering wheel, quickly freeing them both)
(Kermit followed Fozzie, Animal, and Walter through the basement)
(INT. SAINT JOHN'S CHAPEL, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. All the people (Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Mr. Snuffleupagus, Beautiful Day Monster, Droop, Old Lady, Nigel, Pokey, Gorilla, Bill, Frog, Gil, Croaker, Frog, Robin, Gobo, Red, Wembley, Boober, Mokey, Dr. Julius Strangepork, Benny Rabbit, Link Hogthrob, Ingrid, Humphrey, Natasha, '80s Robot, Prairie Dawn, Telly, Baby Bear, Rosita, Annie Sue, Murray, Waldorf, Statler, Zoot, Beaker, Bunsen, Ernie, Bert, Scooter, Elmo, Zoe, Abby Cadabby, Camilla, Gonzo, the two Mutations, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Human, Sweetums, Big Bird, Blustering Bellowpane Monster, Quongo, Snowth, Mahna Mahna, Snowth, Carter, Behemoth, Pig, Spamela Hamderson, Howard Tubman, Pig, Captain Pighead, Cookie Monster, Afghan Hound, Oscar, Pepé, the Swedish Chef, Grover, Biff, Sully, Wayne, Wanda, Herry, Floyd, Janice, the Newsman, Dr. Teeth, Crazy Harry, Rowlf, the Count) began to stand up at the pews while the "The Wedding March" begins to play on the organ)
(Constantine waited at the altar. As the music played, Piggy walked down the aisle toward him, looking nervous)
(The organ was played by UNCLE DEADLY. BOBO THE BEAR watched him play)
Bobo: (SOBBING) I'm just happy for them. Really happy for them.
Deadly: Would you please stop talking?
Bobo: Okay. (SNIFFLES) (BLOWS NOSE)
(The bishop stepped up in front of them)
Vicar: Dearly beloved...
(EXT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Sam was still standing guard until he spotted Kermit and Fozzie fleeing)
Sam the Eagle: What! (yelling into his radio) Code Red! Code Red!
(INT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. A Baby tossed a sack of dust in the air, revealing a terrifying spiderweb of security lasers)
Dominic: Oh, come on. Not a laser web.
BABY: Ooh, pretty.
Dominic: Right. Go and get the suspend-y ropey thing. And my really cool skintight outfit.
Baby Boss: Yep.
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. Sam was trying to reach Jean)
Sam the Eagle: Shawn, come back from vacation! Constantine and the Lemur have escaped. They're on the loose! The Crown Jewels are in danger!
(INT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. The Babies did what they were told, soon Dominic was all decked out in his special outfit. Attached to a wire from above, he elegantly danced through the web of lasers, careful not to set one off)
(INT. SAINT JOHN'S CHAPEL, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. The bishop continued)
Vicar: We are gathered here today to witness the union of this pig and this frog in Holy Matrimony before the presence of God.
(Piggy looked at Constantine; he just looked at his watch)
(INT. THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. When he was at last in front of the Crown Jewels, he fit Blood's locket into an ancient coat of arms in the wall. There was a whirring and a clicking…then…silence)
(Then all the glass case holding the jewels opened! Dominic dropped down next to the Crown Jewels)
Dominic: Thank you, Thomas Blood.
(EXT. TOUR COURSE — LONDON — DAY. Wendy leads Fionnoula as they approach Big Ben...)
(INT. BIG BEN — LONDON — CONTINUOUS.)
Grem: Here she comes.
(He turns up the juice to the HIGHEST, DEATH-INDUCING LEVEL)
(Finn and Holley watch, helpless. Peter closes his eyes)
(Grem ZAPS WENDY)
(EXT. TOUR COURSE — LONDON. Wendy FLIES PAST Big Ben, unharmed. Oblivious to what was supposed to have just happened)
(INT. BIG BEN — LONDON. Zündapp suddenly SQUAWKS over the radio)
ZÜNDAPP: What happened?
Grem: I don't know, Professor.
Acer: What did you do?
Grem: I didn't do nothing. Shh, I'm talking to the Professor.
(They're all talking at once and for a moment we cannot understand what is being said)
Grem: What's that, Professor Z?
Acer: You broke it!
Grem: Quiet! (into radio) I understand, sir. Yes.
(He hangs up)
Acer: What did he say?
Grem: We go to the back-up plan.
Peter: Back-up plan?
Grem: We snuck a bomb in Wendy's pit.
Acer: When she makes a stop, instead of saying "Ka-chow"... it's going to go "ka-boom"!
(They laugh. Peter shudders, upset)
Grem: Don't feel bad, sparrowman. You couldn't have saved her.
Acer: Oh, wait, you could have! (LAUGHS)
(The thugs laugh. As they board the elevator:)
Peter: Jingles lemons!
COMPUTER: Request acknowledged.
(Suddenly, Peter's GATLING GUNS rotate out again - a surprise to Peter. But they SPIN IN PLACE, empty)
(The thugs just laugh more)
Grem: What? You didn't think we'd take your bullets?
(Peter NOTICES SOMETHING)
(CLOSE ON WHAT PETER SEES: A small piece of her ropes have been shaved away by the Gatling)
(He carefully rotates his gun BACK IN, pretending like he's seen nothing)
Acer: That's right! You got nothing!
Grem: (as the elevator descends) Who's the lemon now, huh?
(They're GONE)
Finn: Nice try, Peter.
Peter: Jingles... Jingles... Jingles.
Computer: Request... Request... Request...
(The guns ROTATE OUT AGAIN, SPIN. Peter watches as the spinning barrels SLICE INTO the ropes, do some damage)
Peter: Jingles! Jingles! Jingles!
Computer: Request... Request... Request...
(The COMPUTER responds with each "jingles." The barrels continue to SPIN, CUTTING THROUGH the ropes)
Peter: JINGLES-JINGLES-JINGLES-JINGLES...
(PING! The ropes BREAK AWAY and Peter FALLS --- right toward the whirring machinery)
HOLLEY: Peter!
(Peter QUICKLY STICKS his lasso around, hooks a pipe and tosses himself to the ramp with a heavy THUD. He doesn't HESITATE:)
Peter: I got to get y'all out of there.
Finn: There's no time. Wendy needs your help.
Peter: But I can't. I'm just a Tinker Fairy.
Finn: It's up to you. Go to the pits and get everyone out. You can do that.
Peter: What about you guys?
Finn: We'll be okay.
Holley: Go and get some more dents, Peter.
(EXT. BIG BEN — LONDON. Peter SPEEDS out out the front door, a bat out of hell ---)
(INT. BIG BEN — LONDON — DAY. On Finn and Holley now closer to death)
HOLLEY: So, we'll be okay? Really?
Finn: She wouldn't have left if I'd told her the truth. (re: his death trap) Argh! Being killed by a clock. Gives a whole new meaning to "Your time has come."
(At this mention, Holley seems to perk up, gets an idea)
Holley: Time? That's it!
(He spies a GEARBOX below them, at least 20 feet down. Holley FIRES HIS ELECTRO-SHOCKERS ---)
(--- but she miss their target. She recoils them back)
Finn: What are you doing?
Holley: Trying to turn back time. If I can just reverse the polarity.
(She FIRES them again. Direct hit!)
(Holley JUICES the gearbox with HIGH VOLTAGE. The CLOCK STOPS. It reverses itself)
(Finn and Holley's wheel now rotates AWAY from danger)
Finn: Good job. Quick thinking, Holley.
(INT. LONDON — CONTINUOUS. BIG BEN, visible from level, now moves BACKWARDS. Fast. CRANE DOWN TO ---)
(--- Peter, speeding toward the tour track, unaware)
Peter: What's everybody on the wrong side of the road for?
(INT. BIG BEN — CONTINUOUS. Finn and Holley are now moving in the opposite direction, toward ANOTHER GEAR! And it's going MUCH FASTER. They're seconds from a crushing death...)
HOLLEY: Oh, no!
Finn: Fly!
(They both FLY, fast as they can with FULL FORCE ---
Finn: Burn rubber!
(They drive HARDER, separating us with just enough room for the descending gear to SNAP THEIR ROPES!)
(Their wings flittering, they both LAUNCH off in opposite directions, LAND HARD on opposing platforms. As Finn screeches around to the possums' side of the clock)
Finn: We've got to get to the course. Calculate the fastest way to...
(Holley pop out WINGS)
Holley: Done.
Finn: (impressed) Oh. Miss Shiftwell.
Holley: They're standard issue now.
Finn: You kids get all the good hardware.
(They turn to leave when they STOP, see SOMETHING. It's a PIECE OF HAIR on the ground)
Holley: Oh, no, that's Peter's.
Finn: I knew his escape was too easy.
(INT. SAINT JOHN'S CHAPEL, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. The bishop continued)
Vicar: Do you, Kermit the Frog, take Miss Piggy to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, so help you God?
Constantine: Yes. Yes, I do.
Vicar: And do you, Miss Piggy…
Miss Piggy: Hmm?
Vicar: …take Kermit the Frog to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, so help you God?
(Piggy hesitated)
Miss Piggy: I…
Muppets: (leaning forward) (ALL GASP)
Miss Piggy: I…
Muppets: (leaning forward) (ALL GASP)
(HOBO JOE eats a bag of popcorn, eager to hear her say, "I do.")
Constantine: (WHISPERING) Just say "I do." This is what you've always wanted, right?
Miss Piggy: I do?
Vicar: I'm sorry, is that a question?
Constantine: No, it was not a question.
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE BOAT — DAY. Manny found Diego)
Manny: I don't see her anywhere!
Diego: Maybe she's already on board.
(The rumble echoed off the sides of London and the Winter Woods, increasing steadily in volume and intensity. The terrified creatures pushed and shoved to get near the boat)
(An officious secretary bird named GUSTAV manned the entrance. Two big rhinos stood behind him like linebackers)
GUSTAV: Passengers, please! Rub your bellies, roll over on your backs, do whatever you do to calm yourselves down.
(A huge flock of birds whooshed overhead, heading out of the dangerous valley at top speed)
(Manny, Sid, and Diego was trying to push past the beefy bodyguards)
Manny: We have to find someone!
Diego: A possum about 11 feet tall.
(Just then, Gustav pinned them with his beady eye)
GUSTAV: Attention! This is the pre-boarding announcement.
Sid: The pre-boarding what?
Gustav: You must have missed it.
Manny: Thank you. Let's go!
(The group zipped off until...)
Gustav: At this time, we're only boarding passengers with mates.
Sid & Diego (Both): Mates?
(Two frizzy-furred females immediately began to quarrel over a scrawny male mammal of the same species)
Frizzy Female 1: He's mine!
Frizzy Female 2: I saw him first!
(Sid looked at Gustav)
Sid: Excuse me, Gustav. What if you don't have a mate?
Gustav: Then you must travel standby.
Manny: Standby travel?
DIEGO: What's standby travel?
Gustav: You stand by, and we travel.
SID: Is there someone we can talk to?
GUSTAV: Mother Nature will be here any moment to field questions.
(Suddenly, the valley shook with tremors. But while they argued, the glacier at Germany had begun creaking and booming and cracking and splintering under the tremendous pressure of the water behind it. The ground shook)
(INT. SAINT JOHN'S CHAPEL, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Down below the chapel, Kermit, Fozzie, and Walter think of something to stop the wedding)
Kermit: We have to do something, guys.
Walter: Kermit, we've got to get you close to Miss Piggy!
(Fozzie noticed the lever)
Fozzie: Huh. What does this do?
(He pulled the lever)
(On top, a trapdoor in the floor opened (thanks to Fozzie!), and Constantine fell through. Kermit then took Constantine's place at the altar)
Miss Piggy: What the…
Kermit: Piggy, it's me, Kermit. Come on, we have to get out of here! The wedding is off.
Janice: Oh, wow! Like, I kind of knew he'd get cold flippers.
(Back underground, Constantine gets to his feet and glared at Fozzie, Walter, and Animal)
Fozzie: Huh? (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Excuse us.
(They ran for their lives)
(Back on top, Kermit reached for Piggy's hand, but she recoiled)
Miss Piggy: No, Kermit! What are you doing?
(She thought Kermit was getting cold feet)
Kermit: Piggy, I will explain later.
Miss Piggy: I cannot believe…
(Just then, a small door in the altar opened up, and a green hand reached out)
CONSTANTINE: Come here, frog!
(It grabbed Kermit and pulled him through the opening)
Miss Piggy: Where you going?
(Then Constantine took Kermit's place)
Constantine: (bowing) I'm sorry, my dear, forgive me.
MISS PIGGY: What is going on at my wedding?
(Suddenly, Walter swung through the air on a rope. He picked up Constantine and dropped him into a net on the rafters)
WALTER: Animal, pull!
(Animal pulled on a rope–now Constantine was trapped)
CONSTANTINE: What is happening here?
Animal: Catch froggie! Catch froggie!
Hobo Joe: Well, this is the best Muppet wedding ever!
(Kermit reappeared through a side door and ran toward Piggy)
Kermit: Piggy, listen! That's not me! I'm me!
(Constantine chewed through the net)
Kermit: He's Constantine, the world's most dangerous…
(Piggy spun around and saw Constantine fall directly on top of Kermit)
(Piggy gasped as she stared at the two frogs)
(The Muppets in the pews gasped, too)
Scooter: Two Kermits? Well, that explains a lot.
Rowlf+: I knew it. No one could have a cold for that long.
Pepé+: Or that bad of an accent, okay.
Statler: Two Kermits.
Waldorf: Our worse nightmare!
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
(Piggy looked at the two love interests, her mind reeling)
Miss Piggy: How can there be two Kermits? And here I was worrying about rain. Of all the ways to ruin a wedding, this has got to be the most creative. Two Kermits!
(Kermit stepped forward)
KERMIT: No, just one Kermit. Me.
CONSTANTINE: He's lying! I'm the real Kermit the Frog. He's an impostor.
KERMIT: I'm not an impostor!
(Constantine turned to the other Muppets)
CONSTANTINE: I will let you do whatever you want, comrades!
KERMIT: What?
CONSTANTINE: Because I love you.
(Kermit shook his head)
KERMIT: Love isn't about doing what everyone wants! Love is about doing what you know is best. Now I know I can't be loved all the time. I can't be liked all the time.
(He looked at Piggy)
Kermit: But I love you.
(He turned back toward the other Muppets)
Kermit: All of you. Even when you drive me crazy.
Floyd: He's crazy, man.
(He took another step toward Piggy)
Kermit: And some of you because you drive me crazy.
(Piggy stared at Kermit, wondering if it was really him)
(Constantine stepped between them)
CONSTANTINE: No, no, no. Do not listen to him! I am the real Kermit.
KERMIT: That's ridiculous! I am Kermit the Frog!
CONSTANTINE: No, I am Kermit the Frog! Hi-lo, Kermit the Frog, here.
KERMIT: "Hi-lo?" It's "Hi-ho!"
Miss Piggy: Would every Kermit be quiet!
Both: Huh?
Miss Piggy: I'm going through a lot of emotions right now. I've waited my whole life for this moment, so why aren't I more happy? I mean, I'm not even crying at my own wedding! Is this all just what I thought I wanted? (to Constantine) Are you just the Kermit I thought I wanted?
(She took a deep breath)
Miss Piggy: Well, there's only one sure way to settle this.
(Silence fell upon the chapel. The Muppets all leaned forward with anticipation)
(Piggy turned to Constantine and in a very businesslike tone)
Miss Piggy: First Kermit. Will you marry me?
CONSTANTINE: Yes of course, let's go! There's a helicopter waiting, my love!
(Piggy turned to Kermit)
Miss Piggy: And you, the other Kermit… Will you marry me?
KERMIT: (STAMMERING) Well, I mean, I… I would. I mean, I could. It's…
(Piggy smiled)
Miss Piggy: That's my Kermit!
(She covered him with kisses as the crowd broke out in applause)
DR. TEETH: That's our frog!
Vicar: I now pronounce you frog and pig. You may kiss.
Miss Piggy: (kissing Kermit) Kissy-kissy!
Hobo Joe+: This hobo believes in love again.
(Then he kissed the Whatnot hobo)
Whatnot Hobo: What are you doing over there?
(Hobo Joe kissed another one)
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Periwinkle raced through the Winter Woods ahead of Dewey. The elderly fairy was doing his best to keep up with her, but the blustery wind was strong and made it difficult for him to float)
Periwinkle: Dewey, you've got to see this. There must be something wrong with the Pixie Dust Tree.
Dewey: Now don't worry… (EXCLAIMS)
Periwinkle: Whoa! Careful.
Dewey: I'm sure there's nothing to worry about.
(As they reached the place where Periwinkle was taking him, he stopped short)
Dewey: Oh! Oh, dear.
(EXT. PIXIE DUST WELL — DAY. Periwinkle joined her friends Gliss, Spike, and Slush at the edge of the Pixie Dust Well at the University of Winter. Normally, there would be a steady stream of pixie dust flowing from the pipe above it. But there was no flow of pixie dust now. There was nothing–not even a trickle)
(Dewey examined the hollow root and tapped his cane on it. One last speck of dust fell into his palm. He furrowed his brow)
Dewey: Okay, you might want to worry just a little bit.
(At that moment, Periwinkle's wings began sparkling)
Periwinkle: Tink?
(Periwinkle flew up and looked out over the white landscape. On the horizon, racing straight toward them was Tinker Bell! She was carrying her winter coat so that her wings were exposed and she could fly. But they were quickly icing over)
Tinker Bell: Periwinkle!
(She fought against the freezing gusts that whipped past her. There was no time to lose. Tink had to reach her sister. All of Pixie Hollow and London was counting on her! But the cold was just too strong. Before she could get there, Tinker Bell fell to the ground in a heap. Periwinkle, Dewey, and her friends rushed to where Tink had fallen)
(Meanwhile, Tink lifted her head from the snow. Something was wrong. She looked back at her wings. They had turned ice blue! Quickly, she hid them under her coat so Periwinkle wouldn't see how cold they had become)
(Periwinkle and her friends helped Tink sit up)
Periwinkle: Tinker Bell! Are you okay? Why would you fly here?
Tinker Bell: I had to.
Periwinkle: Your jacket. Put on your jacket.
Tinker Bell: Pixie Hollow's in trouble. There's a freeze moving in, and the Pixie Dust Tree is in danger.
(Dewey looked at the winter fairies, Gliss, Periwinkle, and Spike)
Dewey: Oh, that explains it.
(The terrible feeling formed in Periwinkle's stomach)
Periwinkle: The pixie dust here, it already stopped flowing.
Tinker Bell: I think there's something you can do.
(Tink handed the blue periwinkle flower she'd brought her)
Tinker Bell: Your frost, it kept the flower alive.
(Gliss stepped forward)
Gliss: Oh! Oh! Oh! Frost does that. It's like a little blanket. It tucks the warm air inside and keeps out the cold.
(Periwinkle's eyes grew wide)
Periwinkle: We could frost the Pixie Dust Tree before the freeze hits it.
(Tinker Bell smiled. She had known that her sister would understand)
(But Spike seemed doubtful)
Spike: Uh, one question. What about our wings?
Dewey: If it's a freeze, it will be cold enough to cross.
(The fairies all looked at one another)
Spike: Then what are we waiting for?
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Minutes later, the fairies were flying back across the border. Fiona carried Tinker Bell, while the winter fairies zoomed overhead)
Tinker Bell: We're almost to the border!
(As they passed through to the Autumn Forest, they all stared in shock)
Periwinkle: The Autumn Woods.
(Tinker Bell gazes at the frozen landscape)
TINKER BELL: The freeze. It's moving so fast. Come on! We have to get to the tree!
(EXT. MOUNTAIN SLOPE — DAY. Kristoff heads into the mountains. Sven lags behind, not wanting to follow. He looks back at London, then shakes his head. Enough)
(He runs past Kristoff. Stops and turns to face him. He snorts and grunts)
Kristoff: What is it, buddy?
(Sven nudges Kristoff with his antlers)
Kristoff: Hey, watch it. What's wrong with you?
(Sven snorts with more conviction, moos, brays)
Kristoff: (avoiding) I don't understand you when you talk like that.
(Kristoff tries to walk on ahead, but Sven uses his antlers to lift Kristoff off the ground)
Kristoff: (YELPS) Stop it! Put me down!
(Sven drops him hard then "yells" at him once more)
Kristoff: No, Sven! We're not going back.
(Sven shakes his head, angrily)
Kristoff: She's with her true love.
(Sven makes an "of-course-she-isn't" face. Kristoff gets it; he's made his point)
(Just then the wind picks up. Kristoff looks back at the kingdom. Sees a violent winter storm swirling over the castle. Sharp ice claws its way up the castle, encasing it)
Kristoff: Anna!
(Without hesitating, he dashes back down the mountain. Sven runs after him, catches up. Kristoff grabs Sven's harness and jumps onto his back)
(EXT. GLACIER FOUNTAIN — DAY. Scrat comes back once again to the condor's nest)
Scrat: Aha!
(Before he grabs his acorn, he looks around the area to ensure that the condors aren't around, and then hugs his acorn)
Scrat: (SNUFFING AND SIGHS)
(Then, he hears the mother condor's screech, as he spots it flying away with her child. The baby condor pretends to slit it's throat, to show that Scrat is going to die from the dam bursting)
Scrat: (GROANS) (GULPS)
(Suddenly, the dam starts to crack, releasing water and then... BOOM! At that moment, the entire ice dam finally exploded open. As the water floods across the valley, obliterating everything, Scrat screams with his nut while floating fast in the nest)
(INT. SAINT JOHN'S CHAPEL, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. All of a sudden, the Tower bell began to ring. TOLL! TOLL! Constantine knew that was a signal from Dominic)
(He wiped off the green makeup to reveal a real mole on his lip and stepped forward)
Constantine: That is right, Muppets! I am Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog and number one criminal! And a thousand times more frog better than this Kermit person! You gullible idiots didn't even realize I was setting you up! None of those five-star reviews was real. And those standing ovations? I paid for them!
(The Muppets looked stunned)
Constantine: And now, I have only one more thing to say to you fools!
(He pulled out a detonator that looked like a TV remote)
Constantine: (his best Kermit voice) Good night, folks!
(Pushing a button, he activated it. A beep, beep, beep started sounding from somewhere in the chapel)
Constantine: Yay!
Scooter: What is that?
Kermit: It's a bomb! Constantine blows up all his crime scenes! So, we have to find the bomb!
(The Muppets frantically searched for the bomb inside the chapel)
(Dr. Bunsen Honeydew had an idea)
Bunsen: This is where my patented magnetic bomb-attractor vest can aid us, that Beaker is conveniently wearing.
Beaker: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(Bunsen hit a button, and the magnetic bomb-attractor vest Beaker wore began to hum)
Miss Piggy: What? What's going on?
(She, pulled by the ring on her finger, flew toward the vest and became attached)
(Beep, beep, beep went the bomb)
Kermit: Wait! Miss Piggy's wedding ring is the bomb!
(Kermit yanked on the ring, but it wouldn't budge)
Kermit: Some of you guys grab Piggy, and some of you guys grab me.
(The Swedish Chef rushed over and started buttering Piggy's finger, hoping that would help it slide off. Half of the Muppets (Quongo, the Swedish Chef, Floyd, Scooter) pulled on Piggy, the other half (Kermit, Janice, Rowlf, Walter, Fozzie) pulled on Beaker. The beeps (and meeps) continued. Time was running out!)
(On the count of three, the Muppets pulled hard one last time. The ring came off Piggy's finger with a pop!)
(Beaker fell backward and crashed through one of the boat's stained glass windows)
Beaker: (SCREAMING)
(The bishop put his head in his hands)
Vicar: That's only 800 years old.
Beaker: (EXCLAIMING)
(Beaker–and the ring–fell toward the Thames below. Once the bomb hit the water, it exploded harmlessly. Beaker wasn't hurt at all and rode the geyser of water created by the explosion)
(From the chapel window, all the Muppets (The Swedish Chef, Bunsen, Scooter, Gonzo, Floyd, Kermit, Walter, Fozzie, Sweetums) cheered)
Bunsen: Nicely done, Beaker!
Beaker: (YELLING)
Bunsen: At no point were you in any danger.
(Then he turned to the Muppets next to him)
Bunsen: (WHISPERING) He was in a lot of danger back there.
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE BOAT — DAY.)
Manny: But what about you? You don't have a mate!
Gustav: Okay, okay, the rule does not apply to me. But I do have power. So whatever I say goes!
(The creatures glared at Gustav)
Gustav: I'm sorry. That was a bad answer!
(INT. LIBRARY — DAY. Anna shivers by the door. She looks up to see ice overtaking the ceiling)
(The door handle suddenly jiggles. Stops. Jiggles again)
Anna: (barely a whisper) (WEAKLY) Help.
(CLICK. The door swings open. We see a carrot in the lock and hear a giggle of victory. Olaf takes the carrot nose, puts it back on his face. Then he sees Anna lying there)
Olaf: (GASPS) Anna! Oh, no.
(He runs to the fireplace. Throws in some fresh wood, including one of his own arms, which he quickly rescues, before striking a match and relighting the fire)
Anna: Olaf? Olaf. Get away from there.
Olaf: Wow! So, this is heat. (considering) I love it.
(He reaches a finger toward the flames. It catches on fire)
Olaf: Ooh! But don't touch it.
(He shakes the flame out, as he rushes over to help Anna to the fire)
Olaf: So, where's Hans? What happened to your kiss?
Anna: I was wrong about him. It wasn't true love.
Olaf: (confused innocence) But we ran all the way here.
Anna: Please, Olaf, you can't stay here. You'll melt.
Olaf: I am not leaving here until we find some other act of true love to save you.
(He sits down behind her, stubbornly. Leans his back against hers and thinks)
Olaf: Do you happen to have any ideas?
Anna: I don't even know what love is.
Olaf: (confident) That's okay, I do.
(Olaf hops back up and puts a soothing hand on her shoulder)
Olaf: Love is … Putting someone else's needs before yours. Like, you know, how Kristoff brought you here to Hans and left you forever.
Anna: (GASPS) Kristoff loves me?
Olaf: Wow, you really don't know anything about love, do you?
(His face starts to melt)
Anna: Olaf, you're melting.
Olaf: (sweet and reassuring) Some people are worth melting for.
(But then...his face REALLY melts. He panics, pushes the snow back in place)
Olaf: Just maybe not right this second.
(Suddenly, the window blows open, cold wind sweeps in)
Olaf: Don't worry, I've got it.
(Olaf flitters to the window. He pulls one panel of it shut but struggles with the second panel)
Olaf: (determined) We're gonna get through... (distracted) Oh, wait. Hang on, I'm getting something.
(He breaks an icicle off the window, uses it as a telescope and sees...)
(Kristoff and Sven running back down the mountain)
Olaf: (GASPS) It's Kristoff and Sven! They're coming back this way.
Anna: They... They are?
Olaf: Wow! He's really moving fast. I guess I was wrong. I guess Kristoff doesn't love you enough to leave you behind.
(Anna tries to get to her feet)
Anna: Help me up, Olaf. Please.
(He hurries over, tumbling over the couch, knocking over the chess set and water jugs)
Olaf: No, no, no! You need to stay by the fire and keep warm.
Anna: I need to get to Kristoff.
Olaf: (clueless) Why? (realizing) (GASPING) Oh, I know why!
(He hops around in an excited display of hope)
Olaf: There's your act of true love right there! Riding across the fjords like a valiant, pungent reindeer king! Come on!
(The walls crack under the ice pressure)
OLAF: Look out!
(They rush out the room just as the ceiling collapses)
(INT. CASTLE HALLWAY — DAY. Anna and Olaf struggle down the hall. Ice spikes grow)
Olaf: Uh... Back this way.
(The spikes block their path)
Olaf: (YELPS) We're trapped.
(Anna looks around desperately for a way out)
(EXT. THE PITS, BUCKINGHAM PALACE — DAY. Peter bursts through the security gate with aplomb)
(Peter stops at the entrance)
Pound: Peter?
Peter: Everybody, get out. Get out, now. Y'all got to get out the pits.
(The ENTIRE LOONEY TUNES GANG (Blanko, Granny, Sylvester, Tweety, Bupkus, Yosemite Sam, Nawt, Foghorn, Pound, Wile E., Lola, the Road Runner, Porky, Daffy, Bugs, Pepe, and Taz) is here)
Peter: What are you guys doing here?
Bugs: We're all here because of you, Peter.
Daffy: Is everything okay?
Peter: No, everything's not okay. There's a bomb in here. Y'all got to get out, now.
Looney Tunes & Nerdlucks: A bomb?/Huh?/Whoa.
FINN: Peter.
Peter: Finn! You're okay.
Finn: (into radio) Listen to me. The bomb is on you!
(ON HIS DISPLAY: We can see that a BOMB has been put on Peter's forehead)
Finn: They knew you'd try to help Wendy. When we were knocked out, they planted it in your upper forehead.
(Peter SNORTS, blowing up his hair. Cross-eyed, Peter sees the explosive device attached to him. He looks up:)
(AN INCANTA CONTAINER hangs ominously over his head)
Peter: Uh-oh.
Wendy: Peter! There you are!
(Peter turns. Wendy enters the pits, 100 yards away and closing in FAST)
PETER: Stop right there!
Wendy: I've been so worried about you.
(The view of this scene through the window of a luxury box. Reveal Zündapp in the window's reflection. He's watching from inside. He's poised to push a DETONATOR BUTTON)
(As Zündapp's hand approaches the detonator---)
PETER: Don't come any closer!
WENDY: Are you okay?
Peter: No, I'm not okay! Stay away from me!
(Peter PEELS OUT BACKWARDS)
WENDY: No, wait! Wait!
(ZÜNDAPP – He hesitates, can't believe it)
(TV FOOTAGE OF WENDY CHASING PETER)
BRENT: A sparrowman has just raced onto the track, flying backwards!
Wendy: Peter, wait!
(Wendy breezes right into the track, goes after Peter)
David: Normally an emergency fairy on the track means there's been an accident.
Brent: Wendy Darling is chasing him!
(EXT. BUCKINGHAM PALACE — DAY. Peter flies down Buckingham Palace. Wendy gains, fast)
Wendy: Peter, wait!
Peter: Stay back! If you get close to me, you're going to get hurt real bad!
WENDY: I know I made you feel that way before, but none of that matters! We're best friends!
(TV FOOTAGE OF WENDY CHASING PETER)
BRENT: And Wendy seems to be having a conversation with the sparrowman.
LYRIA: I don't know who that boy is, Brent, but tell you what, she's got to be the world's best backwards flyer.
(REVEAL ZÜNDAPP is watching this footage from his luxury box. The closer Wendy gets to Peter the farther his hand LOWERS onto the detonator. But he holds back ever so slightly so as not to jump the gun)
(ON THE TRACK — Wendy gains on Peter)
Peter: Wendy, you don't get it! I'm the bomb!
Wendy: Yes, Peter! You are the bomb! That's what I'm trying to say here! You've always been the bomb and you'll always be the bomb.
Peter: Stay away!
Wendy: No! Never!
(ON ZÜNDAPP. He watches as Wendy SPEEDS UP)
Zündapp: Almost there.
(ON WENDY. She's had enough screwing around. Here she comes)
Wendy: I'm not letting you
(She's going to catch him now)
Wendy: get away again!
(Wendy JUMPS FORWARD, in a attempt to grab Peter's ANKLE ---)
Peter: (to himself) Got to keep away from Wendy!
(Wendy sticks Peter with her lasso JUST AS ---)
COMPUTER: Request acknowledged.
(TURBINE ROCKETS slide out of Peter)
Wendy: Oh, my gosh.
(BAWHOOOOOOM!!!!!! Peter JOLTS forward with a rocket blast and disappears, taking Wendy with him)
(ON ZÜNDAPP. He now freely PUSHES the detonator, but it says "OUT OF RANGE.")
(Zündapp can't believe it. He FLIPS OUT)
(FARTHER UP THE TRACK — Fionnoula flies down the track. ZHWAAAAAP!!! Peter and Wendy ZING PAST HER with a PIXIE BLUR)
Fionnoula: What is happening? It's a bad dream!
(NOW EVEN FARTHER UP THE TRACK — Peter takes a turn, SMASHES THROUGH A RAILING and flies through the city. A white, smoky JET TRAIL is all that remains)
(EXT. THE PITS — DAY. All of the Looney Tune gang (Blanko, Granny, Sylvester, Tweety, Bupkus, Yosemite Sam, Nawt, Foghorn, Pound, Wile E., Lola, the Road Runner, Porky, Daffy, Bugs, Pepe, and Taz) watches the television monitors, dumbfounded)
BRENT: And Wendy Darling just blasted away, hooked to the now rocket-propelled sparrowman.
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. Overhead P.O.V.: Peter and Wendy swerve into the town)
(INT. LUXURY BOX — CONTINUOUS. Zündapp is still furiously hitting the button as Holley lowers into view just beyond the glass)
(Freaked, Zündapp does a 180 and SMASHES out a plate glass window, lands on a ridiculously large globe balloon tethered to the ground, and runs off ---)
(INT. LUXURY BOX — CONTINUOUS. The thugs watch, baffled, as Zündapp runs away)
J. Curby: The Professor's on the run!
Tubbs: Someone's got to get Wendy.
Vladmir: Get Wendy!
(EXT. SIDE STREET — SAME. Finn speeds into view, in time to see Zündapp turn a corner out of sight)
Finn: Holley, I'll get Zündapp. Help Peter.
(EXT. SIDE STREET — SAME. Holley, still in the air, turns ---)
Holley: Got it!
(FARTHER UP THE TRACK — Holley THUNDERS past Fionnoula and out of sight)
Fionnoula: What is happening?
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE BOAT — DAY. Manny knew they had to get on the boat before the dam broke, or else. He shoved Gustav aside)
MANNY: Attention!
Gustav: Me! Me!
Manny: At this time, we are now boarding everyone!
GUSTAV: I'm in charge here! Me! Me!
Citizens: Yeeeeeaaaahhhhhh!
(The hundreds of panicked creatures scrambled onto the boat)
Manny: Hurry! This way! Come on! Get going!
(EXT. TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON — DAY. Ellie, Crash, and Eddie discovered a shortcut to the boat. They stopped and they saw the boat in the distance)
Ellie: There it is.
(Suddenly, they heard the ominous rumble of a landslide)
Crash: Ellie, help! Whoa!
(A boulder crashed down and landed inches from Ellie. Then more rocks rained down making a tunnel)
EDDIE: Whoa!
Ellie: Come on, come on, run!
(As when they reached the end of the tunnel, the giant boulder landed beside them, trapping them inside a cave)
(INT. CAVE, TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON — DAY. Ellie tried to shove a boulder out of the cave's opening)
Eddie: Push.
(It was too heavy and more debris was accumulating behind it by the second)
Ellie: You guys gotta go.
Crash: We're not leaving you!
(Ellie grabbed Crash and Eddie outside)
Ellie: I'm not asking.
Eddie: Ellie, no.
(Ellie stuffed the possums through the one remaining crack in the opening)
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. Crash pointed to the boat nearby)
Eddie: Ellie, don't worry! We're going for help!
Crash: Stay here!
ELLIE: Duh!
(The waves roared and crashed through the streets of London. Cretaceous and Maelstrom, the horrible water reptiles were swept up in the cresting wave)
(EXT. WAITING LINE, THE BOAT — DAY. Crash and Eddie's voices rang out loudly above the roar of the crowd)
Eddie: Help us!
Crash: Help!
Eddie: Somebody help…
Crash: Manny!
(The two possums ran through the crowd)
EDDIE: Manny!
(Manny looked around and spotted the two possums elbowing their way toward him)
CRASH: Manny!
EDDIE: It's Ellie!
Crash: She's trapped in the cave!
(At once Manny raced off the boat, down the trail, and across a rickety bridge toward the cave)
(EXT. FJORD — DAY. Elsa runs, but is nearly blinded by the snow and wind)
(EXT. CASTLE — DAY. Anna and Olaf bust open a window. The storm is so strong it sweeps the window panes away)
Olaf: Slide, Anna!
(It's a long, snowy way down. But what choice do they have? They slide down the iced-covered ship)
(Anna arrives at the bottom, weak but uninjured. Olaf gathers snow along the way. He arrives at the bottom as a giant snowball)
Olaf: We made it! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!
(He shakes off the extra snow as Anna struggles to her feet)
(EXT. FJORD — DAY. Kristoff and Sven bound off the mountain and sprint across the frozen fjord waters and right into the heart of the storm. Its white-out wind pushes them back. But they fight through)
Kristoff: Come on, buddy, faster.
(Anna and Olaf reach the shore of the fjord)
Anna: Kristoff!
(The wind lifts Olaf off into the storm up and pulls Olaf apart. He goes swirling)
Olaf: Keep going!
(Anna struggles on)
Anna: Kristoff!
(Kristoff rides Sven past cracking, frozen ships. Sven struggles over the uneven surface)
Kristoff: Come on!
(Anna moves blindly across the fjord floodwaters. Anna's hands frost over an icy blue. She stumbles on, determined. But she's running out of time)
(EXT. LONDON FLOODWATERS — DAY. Manny crossed first, with the possums sprinting to catch up. Manny looked and saw that the flood had finally arrived. Balancing rocks toppled like marbles in the ocean. Geysers became underwater jets. In a matter of seconds, everything was changed. But just as the possums hit the bridge, a giant wave swept it away, dumping them all into the rising water)
(INT. CAVE, TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON — DAY. Meanwhile, the water level in Ellie's cave had risen in her feet)
(EXT. LONDON FLOODWATERS — DAY. Eddie and Crash grabbed onto a tree)
Crash: Go save our sister, Manny!
(Manny grabbed a tree and jammed it into the small cave opening from where Crash and Eddie had escaped)
Manny: Ellie!
Ellie: Manny?
(He pushed and pulled on tree trunk, trying to dislodge the boulder)
(INT. SAINT JOHN'S CHAPEL, THE TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. The Muppets turned away from the window to see Kermit)
Kermit: Boy, I missed you guys!
(The Muppets were thrilled to see their old friend)
Kermit: Wait. Where did Constantine go?
(Kermit looked around and noticed Piggy was also missing)
Miss Piggy: Kermit! Help!
Kermit: Piggy!
Miss Piggy: Help!
Kermit: She's on the roof!
(EXT. ROOF, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Sure enough, Constantine had tied Piggy's hands together and dragged her to the roof)
Constantine: Shut up and keep moving, pig! You are my insurance policy!
(He leads her toward a waiting helicopter)
(EXT. STREETS OF LONDON — DAY. Finn flies around a corner, sees ---)
(--- Zündapp, speeding toward docks along the Thames where a COMBAT SHIP waits)
Ship: Hurry, Professor.
(ON ZÜNDAPP — With Finn gaining fast, he accelerates. Suddenly --- WHAP!)
(He's been TETHERED by Finn with tensile cables now attached to his rear end. Zündapp SCREAMS like a little girl)
Finn: You really think I'm going to let you float away, Professor?
(Finn reels him in. Zündapp moves his leg, caught)
(Suddenly, Zündapp miraculously, inconceivably, GAINS TRACTION! Now it's FINN'S FEET that are shaking)
(ON THE COMBAT SHIP — the ELECTROMAGNET has been turned outward and switched on. He's PULLING ZÜNDAPP AND FINN IN with the magnetic force. He pulls out a laser, TARGETS it at Finn)
(EXT. ROOF, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Constantine opened the door to the helicopter. Already sitting inside was Dominic–proudly wearing a furry lemur outfit)
Constantine: Huh? Number Two, you look ridiculous. Why are you wearing that?
(Dominic ignored the insult)
Dominic: Because I am the Lemur. And the world's new number one criminal.
(Constantine was shocked)
Dominic: That's right. This is where I double-cross you. Good-bye forever, former Number One.
(As Constantine was distracted, Piggy tried to nub the ropes)
Constantine: First rule of double-cross. You don't announce the double-cross before you double-cross.
(He held up a detonator)
Constantine: It's not even a rule because it is so obvious.
(With a devilish grin, Constantine pressed a button on her remote and happily watched Dominic's seat (along with Dominic) eject sideways out of the helicopter)
Constantine: The Lemur is literally the worst bad guy name I have ever heard!
(Then, dragging Piggy, Constantine grabbed the Crown Jewels, jumped in the helicopter, and flipped on the rotors)
(Kermit and the other Muppets (Walter, Wanda, Fozzie, Link, Lew Zealand, Wayne, Beauregard, Gonzo, Janice, Scooter, Sweetums, the Swedish Chef, Animal, Floyd, Rowlf) ran onto the deck just in time to see the helicopter start to lift off)
Fozzie: He's getting away! What are we gonna do?
(Kermit took charge)
Kermit: I'm gonna stop that helicopter.
(He ran toward it, with the Muppets following behind)
Walter: We're coming! Hang on, Miss Piggy!
Kermit: Jump!
(As the helicopter hovered in the air, the Muppets jumped to try and grab any part of it. They all missed and landed safety on the ground–except Kermit. He managed to grab hold of the helicopter)
Miss Piggy: (WHIMPERING)
Constantine: Shut up, pig!
(On the ground, the Muppets (Walter, Fozzie, Lew Zealand, Gonzo, Beauregard, Scooter, Rowlf) looked up)
Walter: Kermit!
Gonzo: We have to do something!
Kermit: (grabbing the helicopter) I got it!
Fozzie: There's only one way we can reach him up there! Muppet Ladder!
(Up in the sky, Constantine looked down to see Kermit holding on)
Constantine: What the…
(Piggy noticed, too)
Miss Piggy: Kermit!
(EXT. LONDON FLOODWATERS — DAY. Crash and Eddie were in trouble)
Crash: Help!
(Sid and Diego noticed the possums clinging to a tree)
Sid: I'll save you!
(Sid dove off the ledge of the boat and he promptly clonked his head on a block of ice, knocking himself out)
Crash: Great. Who's gonna save him?
(They try and fish Sid out of the water, grabbing him by his mouth)
Eddie: You really need to brush.
(Diego looked at Sid. He looked at the possums clinging to their tree for dear life. If he didn't save them, no one would. He mustered all his saber-toothed courage and crouched to spring)
Diego: (GROANS) Okay, okay, okay. Jump in… now!
(But nothing happened. His legs refused to move)
Diego: (GROANS) Come on, fraidy cat. Come on! You can do this, you can do this, you can do this.
(The possums tried to keep Sid from floating away)
EDDIE: No!
(Still he remained frozen in place, coiled to spring, eyes closed)
Diego: Trust your instincts. Attack the water. I am not your prey. I am not your prey. I am not… your… prey!
(He leaped!)
(The big cat splashed into the water, all arms flailing. The possums saw him go down. They shook their heads, imagining the worst, when suddenly Diego burst up through the surface of the water, gasping for breath)
(INT. CAVE, TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON — DAY. Meanwhile, the water level in Ellie's cave had risen nearly to the top of her raised trunk. Her head bumped against the ceiling. More and more water kept rushing in!)
(EXT. LONDON FLOODWATERS — DAY. Manny continues to dislodge the boulder while the possums are still keeping Sid from floating away)
(Diego wasn't sinking!)
Diego: Uh-huh. Attack the water. Stalking the prey. Claw! Kick! Even babies can do it! Come on! Claw! Kick! Claw! Kick! Hey! I'm stalking the prey!
(It was working! Diego grabbed Crash. But Sid and Eddie floated away from him)
CRASH: Eddie!
(Diego placed Crash on his back and paddled after Sid and Eddie. He helped Crash onto his head alongside Eddie, but Sid was sinking before his eyes. He took a deep breath and dove for him. After a few seconds he rose up out of the water, the two possums still clinging to his back. Sid was hanging limply from his arms)
(Diego set Sid gently down on the ice and then collapsed next to him, breathless and sputtering. Sid's eyes popped open)
Sid: You did it, buddy. You kicked water's butt.
Diego: Nothing to it. Most animals can swim as babies, you know.
Sid: Yeah, but not tigers. I left that part out.
(INT. PIXIE DUST TREE — DAY. Clarion, Clank, Bobble, Fairy Mary, and all the fairies were hard at work trying to protect the tree)
Bobble: That's it, Clanky.
(They passed thick, mossy blankets to one another and carefully laid them along the branches. But for every blanket they put in place, the cold wind whipped another one off)
Clank: Queen Clarion, it's not working.
Bobble: The wind, it's too strong!
(The queen's face was etched with worry. Suddenly, they heard a growl behind them. Everyone turned and watched in disbelief as Tink, Peri, Gliss, and Spike rode up to them on Fiona's back)
Queen Clarion: Tinker Bell.
Tinker Bell: Queen Clarion! They can help.
Periwinkle: Our frost, it covers like a blanket. It can protect the tree.
(Clarion studied Tinker Bell's face for a moment. Then she turned to Periwinkle, Gliss, and Spike)
Queen Clarion: Do it.
(The warm-weather fairies and creatures all watched hopefully as Peri and her friends began frosting the tree as quickly as they could)
(EXT. ROOF, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. The Muppets create something. Scooter climbs onto Link)
Scooter: (to the Swedish Chef) Come on up, Chef!
Swedish Chef: Okay.
(Fozzie stepped on Floyd's hair)
Floyd: Watch the hair, bear.
(Even though he was barely holding on, Kermit adopted a brave tone)
Kermit: Give up, Constantine. I've got you now!
Constantine: Bad move, frog.
(He raised his foot and stomped down on one of Kermit's hands)
Miss Piggy: Kermit!
(Now Kermit was hanging on by only one hand)
(From below, Kermit heard a voice: It belonged to Gonzo)
Gonzo: (O.S.) Okay, Kermit, we're coming to get you.
(Gonzo and Scooter and Sweetums stand on one another's shoulders–they had made a Muppet Ladder!)
Gonzo: (to the Muppet Ladder) Now!
All: Whoa!
(That was the signal for the other Muppets (Walter, Animal, Janice, Fozzie, Floyd, Wanda, Wayne, the Swedish Chef, Scooter, Link, Rowlf, Lew Zealand, Beauregard, Sweetums) to hang on tight while Gonzo dived forward toward the helicopter. His hands fells short of the helicopter, but he latched on with his nose instead!)
Constantine: No, something's wrong. We're not moving.
(That helicopter wasn't going anywhere now!)
Constantine: You're ruining my getaway!
(EXT. LONDON STREETS — DAY. Peter, still towing Wendy again, rockets around---)
Peter: Wendy, let go!
Wendy: Never!
(They pass a Thug with a headset)
Thug: They're coming your way.
Grem: Let's go!
(ON GREM AND ACER — Down another side floodwater. They get this message, take off in the opposite direction)
(EXT. DOCKS NEAR THE THAMES — CONTINUOUS. FINN, feet shaking, loses more and more ground to the ship. Zündapp, the "rope" in this tug-of-war, buckles under the tension)
Zündapp: Give it up, McMissile.
(Finn releases a mess of bullets, grenades, and other weaponry into the air ---)
(THE MAGNET SUCKS it in quickly like a black hole ---)
(THUNK! It all sticks to the magnet, right next to Finn's bullets. They're BOMBS, GRENADES, ROCKETS and one little detonator with a flashing, beeping light)
(Off the boat's RXN ---)
(ANOTHER PART OF LONDON, AT STREET LEVEL)
(KA-BOOOOOOM! A distant explosion (miles away) festoons into the air, visible over the rooftops. Holley suddenly WINGS into view)
(EXT. FJORD — DAY. Suddenly, a mangled ship, risen by ice, capsizes over them. They give it all they've got as debris falls all around them and the mast shatters. They make it past just as the entire ship slams down and cracks the thick ice beneath their feet)
(The ice opens up. Sven bravely jumps over a gap. But it's too wide. He bucks Kristoff to safety, but lands in the freezing water and disappears below)
Kristoff: Sven... Sven!
(At first there's nothing but the wind and the tumbling icy water. But suddenly, Sven surfaces and claws his way to a floating ice chunk. He calls out, signaling for Kristoff to go on)
Kristoff: Good boy.
(EXT. LONDON FLOODWATERS — DAY. The water was nearly over Manny's head now, and the big rock wasn't budging)
(INT. CAVE, TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON — DAY. Just as the water was about to reach the ceiling inside the cave, cutting off Ellie's air completely, she managed to stick her trunk through the opening for another breath)
(EXT. LONDON FLOODWATERS — DAY. Manny continued to try and pry the boulder out with the tree trunk. He came up for air for a second while Sid, Eddie, Diego, and Crash watched in horror)
Sid: There he is!
(Manny swam to the cave's opening where Ellie trunk is sticking)
Manny: Ellie! Hold on to me!
(He took Ellie's trunk. Abruptly, he was instantly pulled underwater by Cretaceous. The villainous reptile was back!)
(INT. CAVE, TOWER BRIDGE, LONDON — DAY. Soon Ellie's eyes were bulging and her cheeks were turning blue. She couldn't hold her breath much longer)
(EXT. LONDON FLOODWATERS — DAY. Cretaceous had him by the tail. Maelstrom joined his buddy and the two of them zeroed in for an underwater attack. They banged and bit and fin-smacked Manny from all angles)
(Wham! Manny landed a deft kick on Maelstrom's monstrous head. It dazed the reptile just long enough for Manny to swim free)
(INT. PIXIE DUST TREE — DAY. Peri and her friends work on frosting the tree. But the freeze was advancing fast)
Fawn: Oh, no. It's getting colder.
Tinker Bell: (to Clank and Bobble) Let's hand out the blankets. They'll keep us warm!
(They began distributing blankets to all the warm-weather fairies)
Tinker Bell: Hurry, Peri. Hurry!
(One by one, everyone began hurrying inside the tree. It would be warm and safe in there until the freeze had passed)
(EXT. LONDON FLOODWATERS — DAY. Manny popped up and gasped for air. He paddled against the current, trying to keep his head above water)
Sid: Manny! Manny, behind you!
(Back underwater, Manny could see the cave with the log still jammed in the opening. He swam toward it, the nasty water reptiles right behind him. Just as they were about to ram into Manny with all their strength, he swam out of the way, leaving them to smash into the tree, dislodging the boulder. The giant boulder rolled on top of Cretaceous and Maelstrom, pushing them far beneath the surface)
(Ellie floated out of the cave, unconscious. Sid, Eddie, Diego, and Crash were waiting for them from the cave. Where are they? Suddenly, Manny and Ellie's trunks stick out from the water!)
Crash: There they are!
EDDIE: They made it!
(They cheered and whooped as Manny carried Ellie gently to shore where Sid and Diego helped him pull her out of the water)
(Crash and Eddie hugged Ellie)
Eddie: We thought we'd never see you again.
(Ellie opened her eyes and looked at the smiling Manny. She rose to her feet to stand beside him)
Sid: We're gonna live!
(Until, he saw his feet getting wet. The water is continuing to rise all around them)
Sid: We're gonna die!
(Suddenly, the boat, soon rocked back and forth on its craggy pedestal where it lay. The animals screamed with the sound goes up like the roar of fans at a baseball stadium when a run is scored as the wave hit the boat and sent it plummeting to the waters, floating about as the all the mammals look out astonished, holding to the mercy of the shifting water currents)
(EXT. LONDON STREETS — DAY. Holley sees Peter and Wendy, speeding up the wave)
HOLLEY: Peter, stop!
Peter: No way! You could get hurt.
(Then she looks over, catches a glimpse of GREM AND ACER, bearing down on them from a side wave. They're going to broadside Peter and Wendy)
Holley: Oh, no.
(ON PETER AND WENDY - They're not aware of the impending impact)
(Holley DROPS FROM THE SKY, hits the pavement, SKIDS into the path of Grem and Acer and DEFLECTS THEM. They FLIP OVER Holley, Peter, and Wendy and sail ---)
(--- INTO A PUB ---)
(--- where they skid across the room and SLAM into the bar, knocking a ROW OF BEER MUGS to the ground)
(IN THE PUB — MOMENTS LATER. Grem and Acer are pulverized by the bar patrons)
(EXT. LONDON ROOFTOPS — DAY. Holley, Peter, and Wendy are now stopped)
Holley: Peter, we've got to get that bomb off you.
(She already SCANNING the bomb, working away)
Wendy: Bomb?
Peter: Yeah, they strapped it to me to kill you as a back-up plan.
Wendy: Back-up plan? Peter, who put a bomb on you?
Zündapp: (O.S.) Ah!
(Zündapp suddenly ROLLS to a stop next to (a now totally freaked) Wendy, entangled in grappling hooks care of---)
(---Finn, who has him leashed as he turned to Wendy)
Zündapp: You! Why didn't my death ray kill you?
Wendy: Death ray?
Finn: Turn off the bomb, Zündapp!
Zündapp: Are you all so dense? It's voice-activated. Everything is voice-activated these days.
Peter: Deactivate! Deactivate!
AUTOMATED VOICE: Voice denied.
(The BOMB suddenly TRANSFORMS into a TIME BOMB, now complete with a countdown mechanism from 39:59... 39:58... Peter GASPS)
Zündapp: Oops. Did I forget to mention that it can only be disarmed by the one who activated it?
(Holley immediately shoves a GUN in Zündapp's nose)
Holley: Say it.
Zündapp: Deactivate.
AUTOMATED VOICE: Voice denied.
(The BOMB'S TIMER: It loses a full minute! Goes from 39:48 to 38:48 to 39:47... Peter GASPS)
Zündapp: (grinning) I'm not the one who activated it. Would anyone else like to try?
(ZZZZZZATTT! Holley shocks him unconscious)
Finn: (to Holley) You read my mind.
Holley: He was getting on my nerves.
Wendy: What do we do?
Victor: (O.S.) It's very simple.
(VICTOR blocks the entrance to a side street. He's surrounded by thug relatives)
Victor: You blow up.
(The four entrances surrounding them are now blocked by each of the Lemonheads and their families)
Wendy: I'm going out on a limb here. These are the guys that want me dead, correct?
Vladmir: It's nothing personal.
Peter: (to the thugs) Fellers, listen. I know what you're going through. Everybody's been laughing at me too.
(Wendy turns to Peter - she wasn't expecting that)
Peter: But becoming powerful and rich beyond your wildest dreams ain't gonna make you feel better.
(The thugs all eye each other, considering Peter's words)
J. Curby: Yeah, but it's worth a shot.
(WHOOM!!! He's BROADSIDED by a blast of dynamite from O.S.)
(It's Wile E. Coyote and the Road Runner! He's sitting outside an underground entrance, followed by Bugs Bunny, and the rest of the Looney Tune gang)
(ALL OUT WAR ensues between the LEMONS, LOONEY TUNES along with FINN and HOLLEY)
(FINN attached his four-way cable hooks to the thugs and springs high in the air, crushing the four of them together)
(HOLLEY SPROUTS her wings, and knocks out two fairies on their side)
(VARIOUS SHOTS OF LOONEY TUNES KICKING BUTT:)
(The Nerdlucks blasts some pixie dust off with their laser guns. In seconds he has a stack of lugnuts next to him)
Bupkus: One giant leap from Moron Mountain.
(The two thugs' pixie dust all FALL OFF)
(Daffy Duck hits VLADMIR with his high-beams, BLINDING HIM. Elmer Fudd BOOTS him)
Elmer: Not today, boys.
(Bupkus pushes away his pixieless thug, YELLING AT HIM)
(Peter Pan KARATE CHOPS thugs, three and four at a time)
(Sylvester and the Tasmanian Devil, helped by Tweety and Granny, ATTACKS and CAT SCRATCHES a thug's face)
Tubbs: Retreat!
(A few Lemons turn back the way they came. BLOCKING THEIR PATCH are a line of ALIEN INVASION clad (the same alien robots and spaceships as in Disney's 2005 film, Chicken Little) in digital camo, led by Bang)
Bang: Thanks for the help, Corporal.
Alien Corporal: Anything for one of Pop's mates.
(And in the middle of all of this craziness we CUT TO---)
(EXT. ROOF, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Beaker bears the full brunt of Constantine's bomb and he turns from the Thames in Bunsen's bomb-attracting suit, the head piece of which has exploded)
Beaker: (SPEAKING GIBBERISH) (GASPS)
(Kermit was dangling by one hand from the helicopter. Constantine looked down)
Kermit: Constantine, can we talk this over?
Constantine: Good-bye, Kermit the Frog!
(He stomped on Kermit's other hand)
Miss Piggy: Kermit, no!
(Kermit couldn't hold on and fell with a loud "Arrgghh!")
(Desperately, Piggy looked down to try and see Kermit landed)
(INT. PIXIE DUST TREE — DAY. Meanwhile, up above, Periwinkle, Gliss, and Spike were growing tired)
Tinker Bell: That's it. There you go! Make sure to cover your wings!
(Spike eyed the freeze line. It was getting closer by the minute)
Spike: The tree! It's too big. We're never going to make it.
(Periwinkle sadly looked at her sister)
Periwinkle: I'm sorry.
(EXT. ROOF, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. In the cockpit, Constantine pulled up the steering stick)
Constantine: Checkmate. Let's go, pig.
(The helicopter began to pull away. Piggy fumed, her beloved Kermie was gone)
Miss Piggy: You murderer!
Gonzo: Uh-oh!
(As the top of the Muppet Ladder, Gonzo's nose started to slide to the back side of the helicopter. He held on tightly to the helicopter)
(Just then, Sam and Jean, who Sam had reached on vacation, appeared on the roof)
Jean Pierre: Les Muppets, you are all under arrest. Sacré bleu, they're getting away!
(Then the bottom of the Muppet Ladder lifted off the roof)
Sam the Eagle: Not so fast! I have you now!
(Sam grabbed Sweetums's feet, who was at the bottom of the ladder. But then, Sam began to get dragged upward, too)
Sam the Eagle: Shawn.
(Up above, the helicopter suddenly halted with a shudder. Constantine pulled on the steering stick, but it was no use. He looked down and spotted the Muppet Ladder, which was preventing him from escaping)
Constantine: Muppets? Don't they ever give up?
(When Constantine was distracted, Piggy began to furiously rub her ropes on a sharp edge she spotted on a column in front of her)
(Jean ran over and grabbed Sam's feet)
Jean Pierre: Don't worry! I have you, mon ami!
(Now the two detectives were part of the Muppet Ladder)
(The Muppet Ladder went taut, looking like a kite string stretching across the cloudy sky)
(EXT. LONDON STREETS — DAY. WRENCH BITS are strewn all around him as the Nerdlucks try laser after laser to take the bolts off. No dice. Nawt gestures wildly)
Nawt: That laser gun can't fit the bolts!
Wendy: What's he saying? What's wrong?
Pound: None of his laser guns fit the bolts.
(This is a light bulb moment for Peter. He eyes the bolts)
Peter: I get it. I get it! I know what needs to be done.
Wendy: Then do it!
Peter: What? No. I can't do it. Nobody takes me seriously. I know that now. This ain't Never Land.
Wendy: Yes, it is.
(Peter looks at Wendy. It is?)
Wendy: Look, you're yourself in Never Land. Be yourself here. And if people aren't taking you seriously, then they need to change, not you. I know that because I was wrong before. Now, you can do this. You're the bomb.
Peter: Thanks, buddy.
Wendy: No, you're the actual bomb. Now, let's go!
Peter: Hang on!
(Peter HOOKS Wendy and they're off)
(They SHOOT PAST FINN, who's in the middle of battling lemons)
Finn: Where's he going?
(INT. PIXIE DUST TREE — DAY. Just then, far off in the distance, an owl screeched. Everyone (Fairy Mary, Vidia, Clarion, Spike, Periwinkle, Tinker Bell, Fawn, Gliss, Rosetta, Bobble, Clank, Iridessa, Silvermist) turned toward the sound. Milori was flying in on his majestic snowy owl! Beside him, Dewey was perched on the back of the young owl that had first carried Tinker Bell into the Winter Woods)
Dewey: Whoopsie! Ha!
(And together, they were leading an entire squadron of winter fairies toward the Pixie Dust Tree! There were hundreds of them)
(Periwinkle flies up to the crowd of flying winter fairies to meet up with their leader)
Periwinkle: Lord Milori.
Lord Milori: We've come to help.
Dewey: Now, you didn't think I was going to let you do this all by yourself, now did you?
Periwinkle: The tree should be our top priority. But any fairy we can spare should try to frost the other seasons.
(Milori faced the army of winter fairies)
Lord Milori: Start at the freeze line and spread out to Spring and Summer. The rest of you, cover the tree!
(Instantly, the winter fairies sprang into action. Milori directed the fairies blanketing the Pixie Dust Tree from atop his owl)
FAIRY MARY: Oh, my goodness!
Clank: Look, Bobble! The snowy owls!
(The blanket blew away from Rosetta)
Rosetta: Ah!
(Sled grabbed the blanket and give it to Rosetta)
Rosetta: Thank you!
Sled: Stay warm.
(Then he flew off to join the other winter fairies)
Rosetta: Oh.
(Sled led a group of winter fairies to frost the tree)
Sled: Now!
(The frost fairies frost London)
(ON PETER AND WENDY — Flying down a side street)
Peter: Computer!
COMPUTER: Yes, Agent Peter?
Peter: I need that thing you done before to get me away from Wendy!
Computer: Request acknowledged.
(The ROCKET THRUSTERS kick in. They head right for a WALL)
Wendy: Peter?
Peter: Now I need you to do the chute! The second kind, not the first!
COMPUTER: Deploying chute.
(Peter's chute POPS OPEN, catching air and sending Peter and Wendy SAILING INTO THE AIR)
(Soon, all of London and Pixie Hollow was a glittering landscape of frost)
(The last brown patch in the tree was covered)
Lord Milori: We've done all we can. Join the others.
(Milori, Periwinkle, and the group of frost fairies swooped down to the ground)
(EXT. ROOF, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Meanwhile, Constantine was determined to get away. He opened the throttle even more)
Constantine: Full power!
(The helicopter started to inch upward again, and a grin spread across Constantine's face. The Muppet Ladder was almost at its breaking point)
Fozzie: I can't hold on much longer!
(Then his hand let go and the chain began to fall apart. Camilla and a couple of the chickens fell out of the ladder but flew away to safety)
Scooter: He's going to get away!
(The helicopter lifted slightly)
(EXT. FJORD — DAY. Anna clutches her chest. The color in her eyes fades, the inevitable is coming)
Anna: (WEAKLY) Kristoff. Kristoff...
Kristoff: Anna... Anna!
(Elsa struggles through her own storm, but the fear is consuming her. A dark shadow approaches. It's Hans)
Hans: Elsa! You can't run from this!
(Elsa backs away from him)
Elsa: Just take care of my sister.
Hans: Your sister? She returned from the mountain weak and cold. She said that you froze her heart.
Elsa: No.
Hans: I tried to save her, but it was too late. Her skin was ice. Her hair turned white.
(Elsa's face sinks as she realizes what she has done)
Hans: Your sister is dead. Because of you.
Elsa: No.
(Elsa drops to her knees, emotionally broken. And with that, the swirling storm suddenly stops. The snow freezes mid-air, hangs suspended, trapped in grief)
(INT. PIXIE DUST TREE — DAY. Milori looked at Tinker Bell and her friends (Fairy Mary, Vidia, Clarion, Fawn, Rosetta, Bobble, Clank, Iridessa, Silvermist))
Lord Milori: The freeze is upon us. You must take cover.
Clank: Follow me.
Rosetta: Hurry.
(Peri looked at Tink)
Periwinkle: Oh, I hope it works.
CLANK: Tink!
(Tink and the other fairies left)
(Clarion and Milori are left behind when she looked at Milori and shivered)
Queen Clarion: Will everything be all right?
(Milori gazed at the queen for a long time)
Lord Milori: I don't know. I've never seen anything like this.
(Clarion shivered again. Milori took off his cloak and gently placed it around her shoulders)
Queen Clarion: Thank you, Milori.
Lord Milori: Please take cover.
(When her old friend turned, she could see his broken wing. The legend that she had told Tinker Bell was in fact the story of her love for Milori. Without another word, she joined the others in the depths of the tree to wait for the freeze to arrive)
Lord Milori: Winter Fairies, stand guard.
(Milori and the winter fairies stood watch as the freeze took hold of WGP and Pixie Hollow. Arctic winds swept across the buildings, and icy cold enveloped the world's fair)
(Deep inside the tree, Tinker Bell and his friends huddled together for warmth. They couldn't see the frozen and soaked world outside, but they could hear the howling winds and feel the tree creaking and swaying around them. The glacial walls begin towering all around London)
(Darkness spread throughout Europe)
(Peter starts to steer them the direction he wants. He and Wendy are FLYING OVER LONDON)
(EXT. BALCONY — BUCKINGHAM PALACE — DAY. The QUEEN, her attendants, assorted dignitaries are here)
Queen Elizabeth: Who's winning the race?
Queen's Guard: Back off! Back away!
Queen Elizabeth: (star-struck) It's Wendy Darling!
Queen's Guards: Get back!
Wendy: No, it's okay! Tell them, Peter. Explain.
Peter: Okay. Somebody's been sabotaging the tourists and hurtin' the fairies, and I know who. Oh, wait. Your Majesty.
(Peter BOWS to the Queen. In doing so, the TICKING TIME BOMB angles into view. The clock's at T-minus 1:53)
Queen's Guards: Bomb! It's a bomb! Everybody, down! Back up! Move it! Get off the stage! Move it!
Finn: (O.S.) Hold your fire! He can't disarm it!
(Finn dives onto the platform and rolls between the Queen and Peter)
Finn: Peter, I don't know what you're doing, but stand down now.
Peter: (aside, to Wendy) This ain't nothing at all like Never Land.
Wendy: Peter, just cut to the chase.
(He turns to Miles Axlerod)
Peter: Okay. It's him.
Miles Axlerod: What? Me? You've got to be crazy.
(Everyone exchanges confused looks, including Holley and Finn)
Peter: I figured it out when I realized y'all attached this ticking time bomb with Whitworth bolts - the same bolts that hold together that old British fairy wing from the photograph. Holley! Show that picture.
Holley: Okay.
(Holley projects the much discussed PHOTO OF THE WING)
Peter: I remembered what they say about old British wings: if there ain't no dust under 'em, there ain't no dust in 'em.
Miles Axlerod: What is he talking about?
Peter: It was you leaking pixie dust at the party in Oslo. You just blamed it on me.
Miles Axlerod: Powerful fairies don't use dust, you twit.
Peter: Then you're fakin' it. You didn't convert to no powerful. If we pop that hood, we'll see that wing from that picture.
(He moves toward Miles Axlerod)
Miles Axlerod: This lorry's crazy! He's going to kill us all!
(Miles Axlerod BACKS UP to the edge of the well)
Miles Axlerod: Stay away!
Holley: But Sir Axlerod created the race, Peter. Why would he want to hurt anyone?
Peter: To make Incanta look bad so everybody'd go back to using dust. He said it himself with that disguised voice.
Miles Axlerod: Disguised voice? What are you talking about? You're nuts, you are!
(The QUEEN'S GUARDS have had ENOUGH. As has the PRINCE)
Prince William: This is going nowhere fast. We really should go, Grandmother.
Queen Elizabeth: One moment, I'd like to see where this is going.
Finn: Peter, he created Incanta.
Peter: But what if he found that huge dust field just as the world was trying to find something else?
(Peter sticks his nose into Miles Axlerod's nose)
Peter: What if he came up with Incanta just to make alternative dust look bad?
Miles Axlerod: "What if?" You're basing this on a "what if"?
Guard: Okay, that's it. Lads, clear out.
(And the QUEEN'S GUARDS spirit the Queen and Prince William out of there FAST---)
Wendy: Peter, no!
Miles Axlerod: Wait! Somebody save me! The lorry's crazy!
(Now it's just Miles Axlerod, Peter, Wendy, Finn, and Holley. Miles Axlerod's legs slip on the edge of the podium as he is cornered by Peter)
Miles Axlerod: Keep away, you idiot!
(00:00:08...)
Finn: Peter!
Holley: Peter!
(00:03...00:02...)
Miles Axlerod: Someone do something!
(Everyone FLINCHES, DUCKS or DIVES FOR COVER except Wendy, Peter and Miles Axlerod)
Miles Axlerod: You're insane, you are! Deactivate!
(The bomb stops at 00:01)
COMPUTER: Bomb deactivated. Have a nice day, Sir Axlerod.
(General shock all around. Miles Axlerod realizes what he's done, looks terrified. Police surround him)
(Peter FLINGS Miles Axlerod's back open with her wand, revealing AN INTERNAL MAGICAL WING, pixie dust dripping from all sides. It MATCHES the photo)
Finn: The wing from the photo.
Holley: It's a perfect match.
Miles Axlerod: How did the sparrowman figure it out?
Wendy: It's official. You're coming to all my races from now on.
Peter: Now we're talking!
(EXT. ROOF, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. And then…)
(A green hand appeared over the top of one of the Tower battlements. Then another hand. Then a frog's face. It was Kermit! He looked steely and determined)
Kermit: Papa's sprung and mad.
(Walter looked down from the ladder and spotted him)
Walter: Guys, look! Kermit's alive!
Fozzie: And way badder than before!
(The Muppet Ladder all cheered)
(Kermit made his way to the Muppet Ladder and started to climb)
Fozzie: Good luck, Kermit.
Jean Pierre: Take him down, monsieur.
(Up in the helicopter, Constantine was still trying to pull away. He looked down and saw Kermit climbing the ladder)
Constantine: The frog? But how?
Kermit: Hang on, Piggy! I'm coming!
Gonzo: (holding on to a helicopter) Go get 'em, Kermit!
(Kermit made it into the cockpit)
Miss Piggy: Kermie!
Constantine: Welcome aboard, Kermit.
(EXT. FJORD — DAY. With the water rising drastically from the flood, the rejected, dejected Scrat leaves the nest and climbs up one of the large glaciers that boarder around the valley by jabbing his acorn into the ice each time he climbs, one by one, creating his very own escape ladder)
Scrat: (GRUNTING)
(Citizens and dignitaries rush to the balcony and look out to see...)
(Anna, barely able to move but now able to see across the fjords to...)
Anna: (a whisper) Kristoff.
Kristoff: (BREATHING HEAVILY) Anna!
(Anna pushes on towards Kristoff. He runs top speed towards her. There's still a lot of fjord to cross, but Kristoff is giving it all he's got. He's going to make it)
(But then, Anna hears the sound of a sword being drawn from its scabbard. She turns and sees Hans, behind Elsa, as he raises his sword over his head)
Anna: Elsa?
(Anna looks back at Kristoff as he runs for her)
(EXT. ROOF, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Constantine reloaded his gun. He aimed the barrel right at Kermit, who gulped)
Constantine: You don't know who you're dealing with. I am the world's most dangerous frog.
(At that moment, Piggy finally cut through her ropes)
Miss Piggy: Oh, brother! You may be the world's most dangerous frog, but you're still a frog!
(She leaned forward and grabbed Constantine by the legs, smashing him left and right in the cockpit, making the gun fly out of his hands)
Miss Piggy: (a smash with each word) No! One! Tricks! Me! Into! Marrying! Them! And! Then! Hurts! My! Kermie!
(When she let go, Constantine swayed back and forth)
Miss Piggy: Ha!
(Constantine got up dizzy)
Constantine: What a woman!
Kermit: Yeah. My woman. And I believe this belongs to you.
(Then he pushed Constantine over with the gentlest of taps, causing the criminal to fall backward and crumple on the floor)
(EXT. FJORD — DAY. Scaling the glacier wall above them, Scrat reached to the top the ice and takes his breath, exhausted from climbing all the way to the top)
Scrat: (GRUNTING) (PANTING)
(Anna gives Kristoff a longing look, but then turns away from him and then...)
(Using all of her remaining strength, as Hans brings his sword down, Anna throws herself in front of Elsa)
Anna: No!
(In that instant, Anna freezes to solid ice. The sword hits her instead of Elsa. The sword shatters completely. The force of it sends Hans flying back and knocks him out)
(Suddenly on top of the glacier wall, a force also then caused the ice to start a treacherous crack from the top to the bottom, because of Scrat's acorn being pressed into the glacier each time he had climbed)
Scrat: D'oh!
(As Scrat felt worried, the ice broke in half, causing Scrat to clung to both sides, with his acorn grasped in his foot. The glacier starts to spread and the fissure slowly widened, releasing and washing the water away as it began to gush below him through the growing gap. Scrat struggled to keep his grip on the groaning ice for dear life, trying desperately to pull it back together. However, until, he's been pulled to his core, losing grip of his acorn)
(Whoa! The little Scrat's hands slipped and the little saber-toothed squirrel tumbled through the air)
Scrat: Ahhhhhhhooooooooooooooo!
(The other mammals heard little Scrat wail as he falls thousands of feet of great heights and–Whoosh! Tons of churning water was sucked into the glacier's deep crack and washed him away)
(Despite dying from drowning, Scrat's action along with his nut had caused the water to wash away from the valley, saving all of the animals to live on the surface)
Elsa: (GASPS) Anna!
(Elsa rushes to Anna and touches her sister's frozen face)
Elsa: Oh. Anna! No, no! Please, no.
(Elsa hugs Anna and cries)
(Olaf walks up and sees Anna, frozen)
Olaf: (confused, sad) Anna?
(Kristoff watches in shocked despair. Sven steps up to his side)
(Citizens and dignitaries on the ship walls bow their heads)
(All of Arendelle is joined in somber silence)
(EXT. ROOF, TOWER OF LONDON — DAY. Kermit turned to Piggy)
Kermit: Well, I'm sorry I ruined your wedding.
Miss Piggy: Oh, Kermie. I'm so glad you did.
(She smiled and hugged him and they shared a kiss)
Kermit: So, uh, how do we land this thing, huh?
Miss Piggy: Oh, that's easy.
(She reached over and pressed the autopilot button)
ROWLF: Okay. Can we get down now?
(The helicopter landed itself)
Kermit: We did it, guys!
(Once Kermit and Piggy disembarked from the helicopter onto the stern, they were met with cheers and whistles)
SCOOTER: What an action sequence!
LEW ZEALAND: You sure look pretty, Miss Piggy.
Miss Piggy: Thank you.
(The police guards hold Constantine and Dominic in custody)
Sam the Eagle: Congratulations, weirdos, you've saved the Crown Jewels! Did you know this frog robbed museums in Berlin, Madrid, Dublin, and London?
Walter: All those sound familiar.
(Jean was proud)
Jean Pierre: And you've caught my nemesis, the Lemur. (to Dominic) Look at his little costume. That's adorable!
Dominic: I'm not adorable.
Sam the Eagle: He is adorable.
Constantine: You're adorable! Did you make that kitty-cat outfit?
(Rowlf pointed to Dominic)
Rowlf: The bad guy is Dominic Badguy!
Gonzo+: It's pronounced "Bad-gee."
Jean Pierre: Well, mon ami, I guess this is where we say goodbye. You go your way, and I go mine. (SOBBING) Here comes the rain. Oh, boy. And I said I wasn't going to do this.
(Jean was heartbroken. Sam doesn't like this)
Sam the Eagle: Oh, pull yourself together, man. Stop crying. We're only saying our final farewell. Goodbye, forever! (SOBBING)
(He was heartbroken too as he hugged him)
Sam the Eagle: I'm going to miss you so much! I'm going to miss you, my French friend.
(The Muppets (The Swedish Chef, Wanda, Walter, Link, Gonzo, Camilla or Chicken, Lew Zealand, Scooter, Animal, Rowlf, Janice, Floyd, Beauregard, Fozzie, Wayne, Camilla or Chicken, Sweetums) looked disappointed)
(Dominic steps up)
Dominic: Whenever you're ready.
(Sam and Jean were back to normal)
Sam the Eagle: Yes.
Jean Pierre: Yes, of course. Take them away!
Sam the Eagle: Take them away!
DOMINIC: Thank you.
(As the criminals were taken away, Jean looked at the Muppets)
Jean Pierre: Au revoir, Muppets.
Muppets: Bye-bye./See you!
(Dominic and Constantine walk along with the guards)
Dominic+: Since I stole the Crown Jewels, guess I'm number one now.
Constantine+: But we're going to jail.
DOMINIC: Doesn't matter. Still counts, still stole 'em. (SINGING) I'm number one, you're number two
(Jean noticed Sam were busy ushering Constantine and Dominic away)
Jean Pierre: Sam.
CONSTANTINE: Shut up.
Jean Pierre: Sam! Wait for me!
Constantine: That's my song.
(EXT. FJORD — DAY. But then...)
(Anna warms. She begins to thaw)
(Olaf looks up and gasps. Kristoff and Sven notice, light up)
(Anna bends her arm and embraces Elsa)
Elsa: (GASPS) Anna?
(Anna opens her eyes. She smiles at Elsa, relieved)
Anna: Oh, Elsa.
(They embrace)
Elsa: You sacrificed yourself for me?
Anna: (weak) I love you.
(Olaf realizes what's happened and Pabbie was right. He's so excited about it, he lifts his head right off his body and exclaims--)
Olaf: (GASPS) "An act of true love will thaw a frozen heart."
Elsa: "Love will thaw." (realizing) Love. Of course.
(Elsa looks at Anna with confidence)
Anna: Elsa?
Elsa: Love!
(Elsa lifts her arms, and the ground shakes. The ice and snow rises high into the air)
(The Røyken Cantemus and Cantus, the Norwegian all-female choir perform "Eatnemen Vuelie" is heard again)
(Beneath their feet the ground thaws)
(The entire freeze melts)
(The citizens come out to see the warmth returning)
(In one final wave, Elsa draws all of the snow into a giant snowflake in the sky, then waves it, leaving only a warm but colder summer day. Only the storm cloud can protect the frost fairies' wings from wilting)
Anna: I knew you can do it.
Olaf: (melting, good-naturedly) Hands down, this is the best day of my life. And, quite possibly, the last.
Elsa: Oh, Olaf! Hang on, little guy.
(Elsa waves her hand and surrounds Olaf with a swirl of cold air. He refreezes. Above his head she leaves a little, perpetually-snowing storm cloud. Olaf loves it)
Olaf: (GASPS) My own personal flurry!
(The water around the group continued to drain through the gap in the glacier)
(Suddenly, the whole pavilion was dry. They were saved!)
(EXT. KENSINGTON GARDENS — DAY. A great hurrah erupted from the deck of the boat, which was now resting next to KENSINGTON GARDENS!)
GUSTAV: Passengers, here's our destination. Please exit in an orderly fashion.
(The mammals stampeded over Gustav's back)
(The grandpa molehog is grabbing hold of the boat. The kids are trying to pull him away)
Grandpa: I'm not leavin'!
Molehog Kid 1: Grandpa, let go of the boat!
Molehog Kid 2: The flood's over!
GRANDPA: This is my boat now!
(The diatryma herd ran past them)
Diatryma Mom: Come, let's go! Come on, come on!
(Fast Tony uses Stu's shell as a raft at the lake)
Fast Tony: (LAUGHS) Stu! We made it! We're gonna live! Well, I am, anyway.
(Gustav was now completely flatten like a pancake in the ensuing stampede)
Gustav: (GROANING) How about you do it your way?
(EXT. PIXIE DUST WELL — PIXIE DUST TREE — DAY. Cautiously, all the fairies and people began to emerge into the palace. Periwinkle flew over to join Tinker Bell, and one by one, the fairies and citizens moved toward the Pixie Dust Well. They gazed in silence at the frozen stream of pixie dust that had stopped in mid flow over the pool. Everyone held their breath. Had their plan worked? Was the tree saved?)
(Kermit turned to Piggy and the other Muppets)
Kermit: (SIGHS) You know, I missed all of you so much.
(A voice interrupted him. A Russian voice)
NADYA: There he is, right there!
(It was Nadya, leading a squad of guards)
Nadya: Arrest him! Arrest that frog!
(Kermit was shocked)
Kermit: Nadya? Wait. For what?
Nadya: For breaking my heart. And, for leading the largest mass break-out in Gulag history.
(Kermit don't know what she's saying)
Nadya: You will get 30 years. Maybe 50.
Kermit: But...
Nadya: No "buts," Kermit. You didn't finish Gulag Annual Revue, and you didn't even say goodbye.
Kermit: What?
Miss Piggy: What?
Nadya: You are coming with me. Now, move!
(The guards ran to Kermit)
Kermit: (STAMMERING) Fellas, listen. Easy.
(But it was too late. They already grabbed him)
Miss Piggy: No, no, no! Kermit!
Walter: (to the guards) Wait!
(He ran up)
Walter: (to Kermit) We're sorry, Kermit. We're sorry that we didn't notice you were missing. We're sorry we didn't tell you often enough how much you mean to all of us. We're sorry we ever took you for granted. But that's never going to happen again. (to Nadya) Because if Kermit has to go back to the gulag,
(He held out his hands)
Walter: you'll have to take me, too.
(Kermit shook his head)
Kermit: No.
Fozzie: You're my best friend, Kermit. Wherever you go, I go.
(He held out his hands too)
Fozzie: You'll have to take me, too.
(Gonzo joins in)
Gonzo: And me. (to Kermit) Kermit, we convinced ourselves that evil frog was you because he gave us what we thought we wanted.
Rowlf: When what we really wanted...
Scooter: What we really needed...
Miss Piggy: (to Kermit) Was you, Kermit. The actual, real you.
(Nadya looked at Kermit. Then she looked at the Muppets)
Nadya: It would appear you were right, Kermit. I guess this is your family.
(ON Gonzo, Rowlf, Walter, Scooter, Piggy, and Fozzie)
(ON Kermit)
(ON Camilla, the Swedish Chef, Beauregard, Wanda, Link, and Lew Zealand)
Nadya: And families belong together. You are free to go.
Muppets: (ALL GASP)
Nadya: Forever.
(The Muppets all cheered)
Fozzie: Kermit, did you hear that? We're free!
Kermit: Nadya, thank you! Great! That's wonderful!
(Very slowly, the sun began to melt the ice. The pixie dust began to flow!)
(Everyone burst into loud cheers. Some fairies wiped tears of joy from their eyes)
Bobble: What a beautiful sight.
(Periwinkle turned to her sister, and a wide grin broke over her face)
Periwinkle: It worked! It worked, Tinker Bell.
Silvermist: Oh, thank goodness!
(Then, fairies flew high into the air, celebrating)
Tinker Bell: We did it.
(EXT. PIXIE DUST WELL, THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. Slush is left behind, meditating at the edge of the root at the Pixie Dust Well until he heard a rumble. He looked up. Pixie dust came out and pushed him off the edge of the root. Slush falls to the ground. He rose up and saw that the pixie dust is flowing again)
Slush: Oh!
(EXT. BALCONY — PIXIE DUST WELL. The people and creatures were safe, even Clarion, Milori, and Dewey. Their frost had saved Pixie Hollow! On the other side of the well, Terence is scooping the pixie dust in his hands)
CLANK: Come on, everyone!
(Then Periwinkle looked down at Tinker Bell)
Periwinkle: Tink! Come on!
(She looked back at Tinker Bell, who is still standing alone)
Periwinkle: Tink? What's wrong?
(Tinker Bell smiled sadly at Periwinkle. Then she turned around so her sister could see her wings)
(One of them was icy blue and torn)
Periwinkle: (GASPS) Oh!
Fairies: (walla) Tinker Bell!
Iridessa: Oh, no.
(Periwinkle gazed at her sister)
Periwinkle: When you flew to winter, that's why you fell.
(She remembered how Tinker Bell had flown to get the winter fairies)
Queen Clarion: Oh, no.
Fairy Mary: Oh, Tinker Bell.
Periwinkle: Tink… Why didn't you tell me?
Tinker Bell: We had to save the tree. Besides, there's no cure for a broken wing.
Periwinkle: I'm so sorry.
(She hugged her tight)
(ON Bobble, Clank, Fawn, Rosetta, Silvermist, Iridessa, Gliss, Spike, and Sled who watched them sadly)
(Milori stepped forward)
Lord Milori: This happened because we tried to keep you apart.
QUEEN CLARION: But never again. You belong together.
(Dewey was standing nearby. Tears began to form in his eyes as he watched the sisters)
(Tinker Bell looked up in the sky)
TINKER BELL: It's getting warmer.
(She is feeling the growing strength of the sun)
Tinker Bell: You should get back to winter.
Periwinkle: Yeah.
(She couldn't let go. She turns to leave. She turns around and looked at her)
Tinker Bell: Hey. I'll be okay. I'll meet you tomorrow at the border.
(Periwinkle walked back to her sister)
Tinker Bell: Sisters?
Periwinkle: Sisters.
(She put her wings against Tinker Bell's, and gently, the swirling patterns in each of their wings began to glow)
(Then something unexpected happened. A surge of energy rushed between their wings, like a spark. Quickly, the sisters stepped apart)
Both: Jingles! (BOTH LAUGH)
(But Tinker Bell felt a tingling in her broken wing. Both sisters watched in awe as a sparkling light began to dance around the torn edges. They looked at one another. Then with a deep breath, they turned wing to wing once more)
(The moment they touched, the sisters' wings burst into a brilliant ball of energy! It was so bright that the two fairies had to shield their eyes from the glow. The light shone high into the sky, reflecting off the melting ice and snow. When the sparkling finally faded, everyone stared in awe)
(Tinker Bell's wing was healed!)
Dewey: That's a new chapter.
(Before she could even hug her sister, Tink's friends bombarded her. They cheered and cried. Tinker Bell was safe–her sister had healed her!)
Rosetta: Okay, that was amazing.
Clank: Miss Bell, you are fantastic!
(Clarion and Milori watched happily. The Lord of Winter reached out, took the queen's hand, and gently kissed her)
Fairy Mary: Oh! Queen Clarion!
Dewey: I didn't know they were going to do the smoochy, smoochity. Guess they're telling people now.
(Dewey smiled as the friends, old and new, rejoiced. He would have much more to write about in his books when he returned home)
(Kristoff sees Hans trying to get to his feet. He marches toward him, prepared for a fight. But Anna puts up a hand and stops him)
Anna: Uh. Uh. Uh.
(She'll handle this. She goes over to Hans)
Hans: (confused) Anna? But she froze your heart.
Anna: The only frozen heart around here is yours.
(She turns away from him, proud of her words. But not yet satisfied, she turns back and punches him right in the face)
Hans: Ah! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
(He falls overboard)
(Kermit had to think fast)
Kermit: (to Nadya) Wait! (to the others) Hey, guys, listen. We still have to finish our world tour. And I know where we need to play next. For one night only, Siberia, Russia!
(The Muppets all cheered)
Miss Piggy: Yes, yes! I'll pack my swimsuit right away!
Nadya: Oh, wonderful! It's terrible. You will hate it. You will hate it.
(Elsa comes over to Anna and hugs her. Over her shoulder, Kristoff meets Anna's eyes. She smiles brighter, happy)
(EXT. BUCKINGHAM PALACE — DAY. A massive crowd packs the adjacent streets and parks)
(INT. BUCKINGHAM PALACE — DAY. Peter does the requisite "silly faces" in an attempt to break the composure of a Buckingham Palace Guard. It isn't working. Wendy approaches)
Wendy: Peter, let's go. You're on.
(INT. QUEEN'S CHAMBER — BUCKINGHAM PALACE — DAY. QUEEN ELIZABETH II sits in attention at the front of the Main Ballroom. As Peter and Wendy approach:)
Lord Steward: Your Majesty, may I present for the investiture of honorary knighthood of the British Realm, Peter Pan of Never Land.
Wendy: Go get them, dear.
(Wendy joins the fairies of Pixie Hollow and the winter fairies from the Winter Woods. Even the Muppets and friends from Hollywood. Peter steps forward. He bows, as if he's practiced it all day)
Queen Elizabeth: I hereby dub thee Sir Peter Pan.
(Applause from all around)
Peter: Sir? You can just call me Peter, Your Majesty. I don't wanna hear none of this "sir" business. By the way, have y'all met each other? Queen, Wendy. Wendy, Queen. Wendy, McMissile. McMissile, Wendy. Queen, McMissile.
(He continues introducing everyone while they were fixing the world's fair instead of closure and changing Milori's rule in the Winter Woods and the rest of Norway as we CUT TO ---)
(EXT. KENSINGTON GARDENS, LONDON, THE MAINLAND – DAY. Since Milori and Clarion's rule is discarded, the Never Fairies (Tinker Bell, Periwinkle, Silvermist, Vidia, Fawn, Iridessa, Rosetta, Terence, Sled, Bobble, Spike, Clank, Gliss, Fairy Mary, Dewey) are enjoying their reunion)
(Then Sid turned to Diego)
Sid: I'm thinking about starting a swim school! Sid's Squids.
(But Diego were soon interrupted. Sid turned around and saw his kidnappers–the tribe of mini-sloths. He screamed and hid behind Diego)
Female Mini-Sloth: All hail Fire King!
(The sloths bowed. Sid stepped out from behind Diego)
Sid: Uh, hi.
Mini-Sloths: Hi-hi-hi! Hi! Hi!
Female Mini-Sloth: Fire King avert flood. Join us, O great and noble flaming one.
Sid: Hmm!
(Sid started toward them, but Diego stopped him. He couldn't let his friend go without a fight)
Diego: Ho! No. Not so fast there! Okay? You make a quality offer, but Fire King has a prior commitment. His herd need him. He is the slimy, sticky stuff that holds us together. He made this herd and we'd be nothing without him.
(The sloths bowed again and turned to go)
Sid: (smiling at Diego) You mean it? Ohh!
(Sid threw his arms around him)
Diego: Sid! Sid, I'm… (GROANS) That doesn't mean "want to touch."
(Just then, Manny and Ellie walked over)
Diego: (SIGHS) Don't ask.
(He is still trying to push Sid off of him. But the group did not have time to think and Sid and Diego)
(Suddenly, they heard a trumpeting sound)
(Manny looked up at the sound and did a double take. A majestic herd of mammoths was coming over the hilltop! Manny and Ellie gazed at them in wonder and amazement. They leaned close to each other, their eyes welling up with tears. The herd made a circle around them)
(The mammoths cheered and trumpeted at the good fortune of finding the two lonely stragglers)
Ellie: We're not the last ones anymore!
(She turned to leave. Then she turned back)
Ellie: You're not coming?
Manny: You wanna go with them?
Ellie: I am a mammoth. I should probably be with a mammoth. Don't you think?
Manny: Yes, unless...
Ellie: Unless?
(The mammoths made their trumpet call, signaling that the time had come to be on their way)
(Manny was at a loss of words)
Manny: Unless I, uh... I just wanna say... I need to tell you... I hope you find everything you're looking for.
(Ellie's face dropped with disappointment)
Ellie: You too.
(Ellie turned to go. She looked back over her shoulder. But Manny just stood there, stunned and silent)
(Sadly, she lifted the possums onto her shoulders and joined the herd)
(Diego and Sid stepped up to her)
Sid: Manny? You've come a long way since we met, and I'll take full credit for that. But you need to let go of the past so you can have a future.
(Manny beamed)
Diego: Go after her.
Sid: It's okay. We'll always be here for you.
Manny: I'll keep in touch.
Diego: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a... You're a good friend. Point made. Now go on. Scat.
(Manny slowly moved toward the herd)
Sid: Our Manny's growing up.
(Manny began to walk a little faster. Soon he was runnin!)
Manny: Ellie! Ellie!
(Deep in the middle of the herd, Ellie's ears perked up. Had she just heard something? Crash and Eddie stood on tiptoe on her back and craned their necks for a view. Ellie turned and walked against the traffic to the back of the herd. She didn't see anything)
Ellie: Manny!
(Then suddenly Manny appeared from above, hanging upside down from a tree branch by his tail! He was so heavy, the tree was bowed to the ground, close to the breaking point)
Manny: Ellie. I don't want us to be together because we have to. I want us to be together because we want to. And I wanna be with you, Ellie.
(Ellie gave Manny a look of great affection)
Manny: So, what do you say?
Ellie: Oh, Manny. I thought you were gonna... Oh!
(In his excitement, Manny fell out of the tree—KERPLUNK!)
Ellie: (LAUGHS) You're possum enough for me.
(She reached out, took Manny's trunk, and gently twisted their trunks together)
(Crash and Eddie laughed and wiped away each other's tears of joy)
Sid: Well, it's just you and me now. Two bachelors knocking about in the wild. Whoo-hoo.
Diego: Fine. But I'm not gonna carry you. I still have my pride, you know.
Sid: Oh, come on, buddy. For old times' sake?
MANNY: I'll carry him.
(It was Manny. He swooped Sid off his feet)
Diego: But the herd's leaving.
Manny: We are now.
EDDIE: Shotgun!
(CRASH WHOOPING)
(Crash and Eddie settled happily on Ellie's familiar shoulders, and the small herd headed off through a breathtaking street into the rosy sunset)
Sid: Manny, who do you like better? Me or Diego?
Manny: Diego. It's not even close.
Diego: Ha-ha! Told ya.
ELLIE: Manny, you can't choose between your kids.
Manny: He's not my kid. He's not even my dog. If I had a dog, and my dog had a kid, and the dog's kid had a pet that would be Sid.
Sid: Can I have a dog, Manny?
Manny: No.
Sid: Ellie, can I have a dog?
Ellie: Of course you can, sweetie.
Manny: Ellie, we have to be consistent with him.
(EXT. HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA — DAY. The town sign now reads "WELCOME TO HOLLYWOOD — HOME OF THE NEVER LAND FAIRIES, MUPPETS, LOONEY TUNES, SIR PETER PAN AND WENDY DARLING.")
(EXT. RESTAURANT — DAY. Fairies surround Peter and Wendy. The rest of the Looney Tunes gang is here, too. BILL MURRAY and LARRY BIRD are front and center)
PETER: So there we was, my rocket jets going full blast, Wendy hanging on for dear life when suddenly them two nasty lemons come out of nowhere, guns drawed. We was goners. But then, out of nowhere this beautiful spy fairy swoops in from the sky to save us!
Larry: That's a very entertaining story, young man.
Bill: Oh, Larry, please. Come on! None of this happened. Rocket jets, flying spy fairies.
Holley: No, you're quite right. It does sound a bit far-fetched.
(The crowd turns, sees HOLLEY, wings out, swooping in. FINN is right below her, flying up the street)
Peter: Holley! What are you doin' here?
Holley: Hello, Peter! It's so good to see you again.
Peter: Finn!
Finn: Our satellites picked up an urgent communique.
Pound: So you got my email.
Peter: Y'all is going to have a great time! Everybody, this here's Finn McMissile. He's a secret agent. (whispers) Don't tell nobody. And this is Holley Shiftwell. She's...
Holley: I'm Peter's girlfriend. It's so nice to meet you all.
(Everyone is shocked. Including Peter. Bupkus's jaw dropped)
Pound: Bupkus believe you now.
Daffy: (to Holley) Whoa, honey. You got a nasty dent there.
(Indeed, Holley still wears the dent from when she save Peter from Grem and Acer)
Bill: (already crushing on her) Yeah. Was that from when you swooped in and you saved them in London?
Larry: Bill!
Bill: What? I'm just asking!
Daffy: (to Sylvester) Don't you worry. My friend Sylvester can get that fixed up for you in no time.
Sylvester: Yeah, sure thing. No problem. Let me go get my tools.
Holley: Oh, no. I'm keeping that dent. It's way too valuable.
(Peter takes this in)
Tweety: A valuable dent? She's as crazy as Peter.
Mrs. Darling: Those two are perfect for each other.
Wendy: There's one thing I still don't get. The bad guys hit me with the beam from the camera, right? So, why didn't I...
Peter: Explode in a fiery inferno?
Wendy: Yeah.
Finn: We couldn't figure that out, either.
Holley: Our investigation proved that Incanta was actually gasoline and Axlerod engineered it so when it got hit by the beam, it would explode.
Wendy: Wait a second, Blanko. You said my dust was safe!
(Wendy turns to Blanko. Everyone does)
Blanko: If you're implying that I switched that rot-gut excuse for alternative dust with my all-natural, sustainable, organic biodust just because I never trusted Axlerod, you're dead wrong, man! (re: Bang) It was him!
Bang: Once big dust, always big dust, dude.
Blanko: Tree-hugger.
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. A banner says "Winter Woods Grand Prix." MARVIN THE MARTIAN follows the tourists down the Winter Woods)
Marvin: The Winter Woods Grand Prix is about to begin. All people, clear the starting line.
(WENDY heads into the beauty of winter and other tourists (Fionnoula, Shu, Nigel, Carla, Max, Miguel, Raoul, Rip, Lewis, and Jeff) following)
Lewis: I can't wait to get rockin'. This is gonna be wicked!
Jeff: We should do this every year.
Wendy: Yeah, I just figured we never found out who the world's fastest fairy is. Plus, no press, no trophy, just touring. The way I like it.
Fionnoula: Fionnoula likes it like this, too.
(Wendy SEES Bugs. She and Fionnoula approach him)
Wendy: Fionnoula, I'd like you to meet...
Fionnoula: Lord Bugs Bunny. It is official. Wendy Darling is the luckiest girl in the world.
Bugs: (swooning) Why, thank you.
Fionnoula: Which she will have to be to have a chance against Fionnoula today!
(Fionnoula turns to leaves. As she's moving away:)
Fionnoula: See you at the finish line, Wen...
(Fionnoula STOPS)
Fionnoula: What is that?
(Wendy has a new tattoo: "Kiss me. I'm English.")
Wendy: Just something I had made up for the occasion.
Fionnoula: Is good, Wendy. Very funny. Was funnier when I did it, but it's very funny. What are you going to do next? Are you going to take off your fenders? Try it. You'll like it.
(Fionnoula leaves. We stay with Wendy and Bugs)
Bugs: Eh, she's not so good-looking.
Wendy: Yeah. Nice try.
Bugs: I'm serious!
Wendy: That's why I like you, Bugs. (as she leaves) Wish me luck!
Bugs: You don't need it!
(She flies off. Daffy approaches Bugs)
Daffy: Ooh! That Fionnoula is fine-looking!
Bugs: And those open heels.
Daffy: Ooh, I'm gonna have to go get myself some coolant.
(EXT. BOUNDARY, LONDON — DAY. When they came back to WGP, winter fairies took turns frosting warm-weather fairies' wings. Now that they knew the secret of how to cross over the cold without getting hurt, the warm-weather fairies couldn't wait to get their first taste of winter!)
RECEPTIONIST: Next!
(Silvermist had just finished having her wings frosted)
Silvermist: (to the winter fairies) Thanks.
(Then he flew across the border to join Fawn and Iridessa on the other side)
Receptionist: Next!
(Fairy Mary was very nervous. Though she was dressed in the warm clothing, she was still unsure about crossing over)
Fairy Mary: (to Clank and Bobble) Uh, maybe you should go first.
Receptionist: (CLEARS THROAT) Next.
Fairy Mary: Ugh! All right.
(Fairy Mary took a deep breath and lifted his wings to be frosted)
Fairy Mary: Ooh! Would you look at that?
(As the cold hit her, she squealed. Then a smile spread across her face)
Fairy Mary: Oh! Ooh! That feels good.
(A group of mini-sloths carrying Cretaceous and Maelstrom's lifeless bodies on a tray)
Female Mini-Sloth: Is that... Bad juju?
MINI-SLOTH: No. Good sushi!
(The reptiles were prehistoric history and become dinner for the vultures, who one of them slurps)
(EXT. KINGDOM OF ARENDELLE — DAY. It's a beautiful sunny winter day. The mighty ships have been repaired and are sailing away)
SAILOR: Setting course, sir.
(On one of the ships, Hans was thrown into a brig)
French Dignitary: (to Kai) I will return this scoundrel to his country. We shall see what his 12 brothers think of his behavior.
Kai: Arendelle thanks you, milord.
(Down on the dock, Arendelle guards lead the Duke and his thugs to their ship)
Duke: This is unacceptable. I am a victim of fear. I've been traumatized. (bad acting) Ah! My neck hurts. Is there a doctor that I could see? (STAMMERS) No? And I demand to see the queen!
(Kai steps down from the gangplank to the dock)
Kai: Oh. I have a message from the queen. (reading a scroll) "Arendelle will henceforth and forever no longer do business of any sort with Weaseltown."
Duke: "Weselton." It's Weselton!
SOLDIER: Let's go.
(The guards usher him and his thugs onto their ship)
(EXT. ARENDELLE — DAY. Anna runs through the crowd, pulling a blindfolded Kristoff along behind her. She's so excited she can't stand it)
Anna: Come on, come on, come on!
Kristoff: (STAMMERING) Okay, okay, here I come.
(She runs him right into a pole)
Kristoff: (GRUNTS) Pole!
Anna: Whoops! Sorry.
(Anna skips to the perfect spot and stops)
Anna: (stopping) Okay, Okay. Here we are. Oh!
(She takes off the blindfold. Kristoff opens his eyes. Before him sits the most beautiful, suped-up sleigh. Sven poses in front of it -- Vanna White-style)
ANNA: I owe you a sled.
Kristoff: (blown away) Are you serious?
Anna: Yes! And it's the latest model.
Kristoff: No, I can't accept this.
Anna: You have to. No returns. No exchanges. Queen's orders. She's named you the Official Winter Ice Master and Deliverer.
(Sven shows off the Ice-Master-and-Deliverer medal like he's king of the bucks)
Kristoff: What? That's not a thing.
Anna: Oh, sure it is. And it even has a cup holder. Do you like it?
Kristoff: Like it?
(He sweeps her up high overhead and spins her around)
Kristoff: I love it!
Anna: Whoa.
Kristoff: (KRISTOFF CHUCKLES) I could kiss you!
(He drops her, suddenly embarrassed)
Kristoff: I could. I mean, I'd like to. I'd... (STAMMERS) May I? We me. I mean, may we? Wait, what?
(She gives him a quick kiss on the cheek)
Anna: We may.
(He smiles and goes for it. It's a true love's kiss, alright)
(We move past them to find Olaf enjoying the summer)
Olaf: Summer!
(With his snow cloud safely overhead, he's free to smell the flowers, which he does. Then sneezes his carrot nose off)
(Sven catches it between his teeth. Olaf gasps as Sven sucks the whole carrot into his mouth. It's gone)
(Olaf's face sinks in sadness. But not to fear, Sven spits the carrot back out and jams it into Olaf's face where it belongs. It's completely covered in reindeer spit, but Olaf doesn't seem to mind. He hugs Sven happily)
(EXT. THE WINTER WOODS — DAY. All over the Winter Woods, warm fairies and people were discovering the beauty of winter. New friendships were also blooming. Clarion and Milori rode their snowy owl. The fairies were ice skating. After so many years of being apart, they were thrilled to be reunited. The bunny played with the winter fairies)
Frost Fairy 1: Watch out!
Frost Fairy 2: Runaway bunny!
(The bunny ran into Fawn and he hugged her)
Winter Fairy: Sorry.
Fawn: It's okay. Hey, little buddy.
(Dewey wrote: FROM DEWEY. Scribble stood next to him)
Scribble: From Dewey.
Dewey: It's what my friends call me. (CHUCKLES)
Scribble: Wow! (STUTTERING) I love your work. I have so many questions for you.
Dewey: Okay, you can let go of my hand now.
(Rosetta was just admiring their reflection in a big block of ice when Sled walks up beside her. With his snow cloud safely overhead, Rosetta had noticed him earlier and wanted to introduce himself)
Sled: Hi.
Rosetta: (GASPS) Hello there.
Sled: I'm Sled.
Rosetta: Oh, my. That's perfect!
(Then her cheeks flushed with embarrassment)
Rosetta: Oh! I'm Rosetta.
Sled: Rosetta. That's beautiful.
(He took her hand, and together they went to join their friends by the skating pond)
Rosetta: Oh, my.
(Meanwhile, Bobble had a very special delivery)
Bobble: Oh, Miss Gliss!
(Gliss had been standing near the skating pond, chattering with Spike and Vidia. When she turned around, her eyes grew wide. Bobble was carrying an enormous acorn!)
Gliss: An acorn!
Bobble: Biggest one we could find.
(Gliss squealed with delight)
Gliss: I love it!
(She quickly flew over to examine the acorn from every angle)
(Vidia turned to Spike with raised eyebrows. Spike shrugged)
Spike: She loves acorns.
Vidia: Must be a Winter thing.
Spike: Not really.
(And over by the border, Periwinkle was smiling as she watched the fairies cross over one by one. Suddenly, her wings began to sparkle. Periwinkle flew to meet her sister as he entered the Winter Woods)
Periwinkle: Tink.
Tinker Bell: You ready?
Periwinkle: Ready.
(EXT. CASTLE COURTYARD — DAY. The gates to the castle are wide open. In the courtyard, stands Elsa)
Elsa: Are you ready?
(Villagers cheer. Elsa stops and creates an ice rink)
KID: Ice!
(At the same time, the sisters whistled. Instantly, a large flock of snowy owls burst into the sky. They released snowflakes and periwinkle flowers from baskets they were carrying. Villagers cheer. Peri stops and creates an ice rink. All the citizens (Iridessa, Fawn, Spike, Gliss, Silvermist, Clank, Bobble, Rosetta, Sled, Dewey, Scribble, Fairy Mary, Clarion, Milori) gazed up in wonder at the incredible sight)
(The people, skates at the ready, hope onto it and twirl about. Elsa then freezes the fountain in a beautiful design and adds some snow flurries for atmosphere)
GERDA: Ooh! Whoo-hoo... Swing me. (CHUCKLES)
(Tink and Periwinkle smiled at one another. It was beautiful, but not nearly as magical as the secret of their wings. The two fairies had discovered that the bond of sisterhood was the greatest magic of all. And they knew they would never be apart again)
(Anna comes slipping in. Elsa catches her)
Anna: I like the open gates.
Elsa: We are never shutting them again.
(Elsa then waves her hand and magical ice skates (literally made of ice) form on Anna's boots)
Anna: Oh, Elsa, they're beautiful, but you know I don't skate.
Elsa: Come on! You can do it!
(Elsa grabs Anna's hands and pulls her along on the ice. Anna slips and slides, but laughs in delight)
(Sven goes slipping past. Kristoff runs after him)
KRISTOFF: Look out. Reindeer coming through.
Anna: I got it, I got it. I don't got it, I don't got it.
(Olaf skates and helps Elsa coach Anna)
Olaf: (CHUCKLES) Glide and pivot. And glide and pivot.
ELSA: Go. (LAUGHS)
(We pull away slowly, into the sky. We arrive at a bird's-eye view to see that where the castle had crumbled has been repaired with a ice)
Peter: Go, Wendy! Whoo-hoo!
(Holley gets an alert)
Holley: Finn? Time to go. Siddeley's gassed, geared and ready to fly.
Peter: You're leavin' already?
Finn: We've got another mission. Just stopped by here to pick something up.
(They both eye Peter, expectantly)
Peter: Somethin' tells me you're not talkin' about souvenir bumper stickers.
Finn: Her Majesty asked for you personally, Peter.
Peter: But I told y'all before, I'm not a spy.
Holley: We know.
Finn: Spy or not, you're still the smartest, most honest chap we've ever met.
Holley: Don't forget massively charming.
(Peter looks over at Holley. He looks touched)
Peter: Well, thanks. But as much fun as it was hangin' with y'all, this...
(He looks over to his friends who watch the tour, CHEERING)
Peter: This is home.
Holley: That's all right. We understand. But I'll be back. You still owe me that first date.
Finn: If there's ever anything I can do for you, just let me know.
Peter: Well, I sure appreciate that. Thank you. (thinks) Actually, there is one thing.
(EXT. ARENDELLE — DAY. PETER, blazing forward fast)
Peter: Whoo-hoo! (LAUGHS)
(He ROCKETS FORWARD, through the whole village. In doing so he GRABS A BROKEN DOWN OTIS, hooking him ---)
Otis: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
(--- and TOSSING him right into the door)
Otis: (O.S.) Thanks, Peter!
(ON THE WINTER WOODS TRACK — Peter flies past ALL the tourists, including Fionnoula ---)
Fionnoula: Impossiblé!
(--- until he approaches WENDY)
Wendy: Peter!
Peter: (keeping pace) Check it out. They let me keep the rockets.
Wendy: I'll see you at Arendelle!
Peter: Not if I see you first!
(All is right in Arendelle)
(The guards waded in and began arresting Muppets)
(As usual, Kermit tried to see the bright side of things)
KERMIT: Okay, guys, this is it. The Gulag Finale! Good luck, everybody. Here we go! A-one, two, three, four!
(EXT. GULAG 38B — DAY. The Muppets (Crazy Harry, Pops, Beauregard, Miss Poogy, Lew Zealand, the Swedish Chef, Rowlf, Bunsen, Beaker, '80s Robot, Rizzo, Link, Wayne, Uncle Deadly, Fozzie, Walter, Kermit, Piggy, Foo Foo, Floyd, Zoot, Dr. Teeth, Janice, Nigel the Conductor, Wanda, Sweetums, Camilla, Pepé, Gonzo, Scooter, Animal, Bobby Benson, the Babies, Marvin Suggs, his Muppaphone) were in the Gulag, sticked to the metal wall)
("Together Again")
Kermit: *Together again again
*Gee, it's good to be together again again
*I just can't imagine that you've ever been gone!
*It's not starting over, it's just going on!
Miss Piggy: *Together again again
*Now we're here and there's no need remembering when
Fozzie: *'Cause no feeling feels like that feeling!
All Cast: *Together again!
Animal: *Again, again again
Saoirse, Escapo, UPS Guy, First AD, Tony Bennett, and the Usher (All Cast): *Together again again
Gonzo, Scooter, Kermit, Piggy, Fozzie, and Walter (All Cast): *Gee, it's good to be together again again
Newspaper Girl, Salma, and Young Florist (All Cast): *I just can't imagine that you've ever been gone!
*It's not starting over, it's just going on!
Bunsen, Link, Beaker, Lew Zealand, Annie Sue, and the Swedish Chef (All Cast): *Together again again
Bobby Benson & Babies (All Cast): *Now we're here and there's no need remembering when
All Cast: *'Cause no feeling feels like that feeling!
Prado Museum guards, Ivan, Irish Journalist, and Theater Manager (All Cast): *Together again
All Cast: *again
Russian Prisoners (Constantine, Prison King, Big Papa, and Danny Trejo): *I snova my vsey tolpoy
*Stol'ko radosti, shto sertse poyot, poyot
(Nadya opens the sweatbox and the maximum security prisoner is JOSH GROBAN)
Maximum Security Prisoner: *I just can't imagine that you've ever been gone!
*It's not starting over, it's just going on!
Scooter, Gonzo, Walter, and Fozzie (All Cast): *Together again again
*Gee, it's good to be together again again
Bishop, Sean Combs, and Christoph (All Cast): *'Cause no feeling feels like that feeling!
Kermit: *Together-a!
Constantine: *Together-a!
All Cast: *Together again!*
Kermit: Okay, Nadya, this is it. Your solo.
(Nadya stepped up, ready for her solo, but he didn't know her words)
(BLACKOUT)
NADYA: Kermit!
(EXT. THE CLOUDS. High up above them, Scrat popped his head over a white fluffy cloud and looked around. A celestial choir of dodos sang behind him. But when he turned to see who was there, they disappeared. He backed up slowly and bumped into something)
Scrat: (GASPS)
(It was the Pearly Gates! They swung open, and the little rodent entered Scrat Heaven)
Scrat: (SIGHS)
(EXT. SCRAT HEAVEN. A treasure trove of acorns lay before him, bathed in warm, glowing light. Scrat backstroked through the sea of acorns in pure bliss)
Scrat: (GASPS AND SIGHS) (SIGHS)
(He looked up and saw the biggest nut he had ever laid eyes on–the Master Nut! He dropped the smaller nuts he was holding and raced toward it. But just he was about to reach it...)
Scrat: (GROANS, GRUNTING)
(Woosh! What was happening!? He felt himself being sucked out of the gates)
Scrat: Huh? (WHIMPERING) (BARKING AND YELLING) (GRUNTING AND GROANING)
(He grabbed the gates and hung on, desperate to stay)
Scrat: (YELLS)
(But one by one his little claws lost their grip. It was no use! He was being yanked back down through the sky)
(EXT. LONDON — DAY. His spirit reunited with his lifeless body on the ground. He felt something wet and sloppy on his lips! Argh! It was that sloth, performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation! Scrat coughed up water and sputtered back to life)
(Sid's eyes lit up with delight)
Sid: I saved you, little buddy!
Scrat: (GASPS AND GRUNTING)
(Scrat glowered at him and wiped the sloth slobber from his snout)
Scrat: Huh? (GRUNTS)
(He looked around, desperate for Scrat Heaven. He whimpered and pounded the earth in frustration)
Scrat: (YELLING)
Sid: Okay...
(Sid stood by helplessly and scratched his head, as the feisty little Scrat shook his fist and charged at him accusingly)
Sid: I saved you, little buddy. Remember? I... Ow! Ow! Ow!
(THE END)

(EXT. GLACIER — DAY. Clank and Slush were sitting on the giant glacier)
Clank: So, is it true that glaciers are stealthy?
Slush: You're sitting on one now, man.
CLANK: (LAUGHING) Sneaky glacier.

(The rope appeared. Sweetums walks to the rope and begins to pull it down to make the credits go up. Another rope appeared with Fozzie)
Sweetums: Oh, boy. Hey, pull the rope!
Fozzie: Oh, right.
(And they both pull two ropes together)
Fozzie: This cast is really heavy. Rowlf, come here. Come here, come here.
ROWLF: Yeah, what do you got there?
FOZZIE: Take this.
(Then, Rowlf takes his turn to pull the rope)
Rowlf: You should have negotiated a smaller font size.
(The Swedish Chef appears with another rope)
Swedish Chef: (GROANS LOUDLY) (SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(Then, Bunsen and Beaker appear. Beaker is holding another rope)
Bunsen: I believe I may have something that could help. This is my automated end-crawl operating machine. All I have to do is push this button and it will crawl all by itself.
(He pushes the button, sending Beaker hoisting himself up, making the credits fast-forward)
(BEAKER SCREAMING)
Bunsen: Oh. Let's try this.
(He rewinds the credits and back to where the credits is left off. Beaker falls to the ground)
Bunsen: Another qualified success.
(And with that, Bunsen and Sweetums left)
(BEAKER MOANING)
(SWEETUMS GROANING)
_____
CAST
Blayne Weaver – PETER PAN
Chloe Grace Moretz – WENDY DARLING
Mae Whitman – TINKER BELL
Kristen Bell – ANNA
Lucy Hale – PERIWINKLE
Idina Menzel – ELSA
Ray Romano – MANNY
John Leguizamo – SID
Denis Leary – DIEGO
Jonathan Groff – KRISTOFF
Ricky Gervais – DOMINIC BADGUY
Queen Latifah – ELLIE
Michael Caine – FINN MCMISSILE
Emily Mortimer – HOLLEY SHIFTWELL
Josh Gad – OLAF
Santino Fontana – HANS
Timothy Dalton – LORD MILORI
Jeff Bennett – DEWEY
Ty Burrell – JEAN PIERRE NAPOLEON
Tina Fey – NADYA
Eddie Izzard – SIR MILES AXLEROD
Kelly Macdonald – FIONNOULA O'CALLAGHAN
Steve Whitmire – KERMIT THE FROG, FOO FOO, STATLER, BEAKER, LIPS, RIZZO THE RAT, LINK HOGTHROB, THE NEWSMAN
Eric Jacobson – MISS PIGGY, FOZZIE BEAR, SAM EAGLE, ANIMAL
Dave Goelz – THE GREAT GONZO, DR. BUNSEN HONEYDEW, ZOOT, BEAUREGARD, WALDORF
Bill Barretta – PEPÉ THE KING PRAWN, ROWLF THE DOG, DR. TEETH, THE SWEDISH CHEF, BOBO THE BEAR, BIG MEAN CARL, BABY BOSS, CARLO FLAMINGO, LEPRECHAUN SECURITY GUARD
David Rudman – SCOOTER, JANICE, MISS POOGY, BOBBY BENSON, WAYNE
Matt Vogel – CONSTANTINE, FLOYD PEPPER, SWEETUMS, POPS, ROBIN, LEW ZEALAND, CRAZY HARRY, '80S ROBOT, CAMILLA, UNCLE DEADLY
Peter Linz – WALTER, MANOLO FLAMINGO
Lucy Liu – SILVERMIST
Raven-Symoné – IRIDESSA
Megan Hilty – ROSETTA
Pamela Adlon – VIDIA
Angela Bartys – FAWN
Seann William Scott – CRASH
Josh Peck – EDDIE
Chris Wedge – SCRAT
Brent Musburger – BRENT MUSTANGBURGER
Matt Lanter – SLED
Debby Ryan – SPIKE
Grey DeLisle – GLISS, LYRIA
Rob Paulsen – BOBBLE
Jeff Bennett – CLANK
Joe Mantegna – GREM
Thomas Kretschmann – PROFESSOR ZÜNDAPP
Peter Jacobson – ACER
Alan Tudyk – DUKE
Jane Horrocks – FAIRY MARY
Ciarán Hinds – PABBIE, GRANDPA
Will Arnett – LONE GUNSLINGER VULTURE
Jay Leno – FAST TONY
Jeff Bergman – BUGS BUNNY, DAFFY DUCK, SYLVESTER, TWEETY
Anjelica Huston – QUEEN CLARION
Jemaine Clement – PRISON KING
Franco Nero – UNCLE TOPOLINO
David Hobbs – DAVID HOBBSCAP
Chris Williams – OAKEN
Jodi Benson – HEALING FAIRY
Kari Wahlgren – RECEPTIONIST
Thomas Lennon – READING FAIRY
Benjamin Diskin – GLACIER FAIRY
Jesse McCartney – TERENCE
Stephen J. Anderson – KAI
Maia Wilson – BULDA
Edie McClurg – GERDA
Matt Berry – GUSTAV
Roy Conli – MEL DORADO, DUNG BEETLE DAD
Jocelyn Blue – POUND
Jeff Garlin – OTIS
Robert Pine – BISHOP
Maurice LaMarche – KING
Livvy Stubenrauch – YOUNG ANNA, LITTLE BIRD
Eva Bella – YOUNG ELSA
Spencer Lacey Ganus – TEEN ELSA
Michel Michelis – TOMBER
Jason Issacs – SIDDELEY, LELAND TURBO
Charity James – BLANKO
Bruce Campbell – ROD REDLINE
Lloyd Sherr – COMBAT SHIP
Teresa Gallagher – PETER'S COMPUTER
Stanley Townsend – VICTOR HUGO, VLADMIR TRUNKOV, IVAN THE SPARROWMAN
Velibor Topic – ALEXANDER HUGO
Sig Hansen – CRABBY
Colleen Wainwright – NAWT
Catherine Reitman – BUPKUS
Vanessa Redgrave – QUEEN ELIZABETH II, MAMA TOPOLINO
John Mainieri – J. CURBY GREMLIN
Peter Del Vecho – TUBBS PACER
Jeff Gordon – HIMSELF
Lewis Hamilton – HIMSELF
June Melby – BANG
Bill Murray – HIMSELF
Larry Bird – HIMSELF
Kat Cressida – MRS. DARLING
Eric Bauza – MARVIN THE MARTIAN
Billy West – ELMER FUDD
Kathy Najimy – MINISTER OF SUMMER
John DiMaggio – MINISTER OF AUTUMN
Steve Valentine – MINISTER OF SPRING
Jesse Corti – SPANISH DIGNITARY
Jeffrey Marcus – GERMAN DIGNITARY
Tucker Gilmore – IRISH DIGNITARY, OLD MOLEHOG, SHOVELMOUTH MALE
Tony Bennett – HIMSELF
Joseph Bologna – MR. START
Hugh Bonneville – IRISH JOURNALIST
Sean Combs – HIMSELF
Rob Corddry – FIRST AD
Mackenzie Crook – PRADO MUSEUM GUARD #1
Debi Derryberry – DIATRYMA MOM
Celine Dion – PIGGY'S FAIRY GODMOTHER
Tom Fahn – STU, MALE OX
Lady Gaga – HERSELF
Zach Galifianakis – HOBO JOE
Daniel Gerson – GLYPTODON
James Edmund Godwin – TRAFFIC VULTURE
Josh Groban – MAXIMUM SECURITY PRISONER
Emily Hahn – ASHLEY
Salma Hayek – HERSELF
Tom Hiddleston – GREAT ESCAPO
Tom Hollander – THEATER MANAGER
Noah Johnston – BILLY
Toby Jones – PRADO MUSEUM GUARD #2
Frank Langella – BEEFEATER VICAR
Clea Lewis – FEMALE MINI-SLOTH, DUNG BEETLE MOM
Ray Liotta – BIG PAPA
Ross Lynch – YOUNG FLORIST
James McAvoy – UPS GUY
Chloe Grace Moretz – NEWSPAPER GIRL
Hornswoggle – PRISONER
Raymond Ochoa – JAMES
Usher Raymond – USHER
Miranda Richardson – BERLINER AT WINDOW
Saorise Ronan – HERSELF
Stephen Root – JAMES' DAD
Til Schweiger – GERMAN COP
James Sie – FREAKY MALE, ELK DAD
Mindy Sterling – FEMALE OX
Renée Taylor – MRS. START
Russell Tovey – DELIVERY MAN
Danny Trejo – DANNY TREJO
Stanley Tucci – IVAN THE GUARD
Christoph Waltz – HIMSELF
ADDITIONAL VOICES: Ava Acres, Jack Angel, Stephen Apostolina, Annaleigh Ashford, Kirk Baily, Dee Bradley Baker, Bob Bergen, Jenica Bergere, David Boat, Paul Briggs, Tyree Brown, Woody Buck, Rodger Bumpass, June Christopher, Lewis Cleale, Jim Cummings, Wendy Cutler, John Cygan, Jennifer Darling, Terri Douglas, Paul Eiding, Bill Farmer, Jeff Fischer, Eddie Frierson, Jean Gilpin, Jackie Gonneau, Nicholas Guest, Jess Harnell, Bridget Hoffman, Nick Jameson, Daniel Kaz, John Lavelle, Jennifer Lee, Pat Lentz, Annie Lopez, Kristen Anderson-Lopez, Robert Lopez, Katie Lowes, Sherry Lynn, Danny Mann, Mona Marshall, Dara McGarry, Mickie McGowan, Scott Menville, Laraine Newman, Adam Overett, Paul Pape, Courtney Peldon, Jennifer Perry, Raymond S. Persi, Jan Rabson, Jean-Michel Richaud, Lynwood Robinson, Allison Roth, Carter Sand, Jadon Sand, Patrick Seitz, Katie Silverman, Pepper Sweeney, Shane Sweet, Fred Tatasciore, Josie Trinidad, James Kevin Ward, April Winchell.
UK MUPPET PERFORMERS: Louise Gold (ANNIE SUE, KANGAROO), Nigel Plaskitt (ZUCCHINI BROTHER, LEPRECHAUN SECURITY GUARD), Mak Wilson (ZUCCHINI BROTHER, LEPRECHAUN SECURITY GUARD, KOALA), David Silva Covarrubias.
ADDITIONAL UK MUPPET PERFORMERS: Don Austen, William Banyard, Daisy Beattie, Sue Beattie, Lynn Robertson Bruce, Dave Chapman, Marcus Clarke, Richard Coombs, Sue Dacre, Phil Eason, Iestyn Evans, Damian Farrell, Andy Heath, Paul Jomain, Mark Mander, Alison McGowan, Helena Smee, Andrew Spooner, Olly Taylor, Chris Thatcher, Robert Tygner, Fiona Wilson, Shelia Clark, Matthew Crowfoot, Geoffrey Felix, Rachel Leonard, Tony Lymboura, Stan Middleton, Colin Purves, Neil Sternberg, Mandy Travis
LA MUPPET PERFORMERS: David Alan Barclay, Tim Blaney, Julianne Buescher, Tyler Bunch, Kevin Carlson, Nathan Danforth, Alice Dinnean, Tanya Haden, Patrick Johnson, Sean W. Johnson, Brian Jones, Bruce Lanoil, James Murray, Michael Oosterom, Brett O'Quinn, Mike Quinn, Michelan Sisti, David Skelly, Alex Vega, Art Vega, Chase Woolner.
and
Caroll Spinney as OSCAR THE GROUCH

(Fozzie appeared)
Fozzie: Check this out.
(He put his hat on the LOS ANGELES UNIT and watch it being elevated)

(Fozzie appeared and turned to the audience)
Fozzie: You can go home now, Ma. The movie is over.

(Walt Disney Animation Studios logo: The shorter version. The closing variant is silent)
(Walt Disney Pictures logo: The short version of the CGI castle)