Muppets & Fairies Ever After - Subtitles (en) - Search for video captions

(WHISTLING)
NARRATOR: "The changing
of the seasons
"brings wonder to the world
"For ages has the magic of the fairies been unfurled
"But nature's greatest changes come beneath the autumn sky
"and mysteries reveal themselves as harvest time draws nigh
"This year, a shimmering blue moon will rise before the frost
"Perhaps its rays can light the way to find what has been lost"
FLYNN: This is the story of how I died.
But don't worry, this is a fun story, and the truth is,
it isn't even mine.
This is the story of a girl named Rapunzel.
And it starts with the sun.
Once upon a time,
a single drop of sunlight fell from the heavens.
And from this small drop of sun
grew a magic golden flower.
It had the ability to heal the sick and injured.
Oh, you see that old woman over there?
You might want to remember her.
She's kind of important.
Centuries passed
and a hop, skip and a boat ride away there grew a kingdom.
The kingdom was ruled by a beloved king and queen.
And the queen was about to have a baby.
But she got sick.
Really sick.
She was running out of time,
and that's when people start to look for a miracle.
Or in this case, a magic golden flower.
Ah! I told you she'd be important.
Instead of sharing the sun's gift,
this woman, Mother Gothel, hoarded its healing power
and used it to keep herself young for hundreds of years.
And all she had to do was sing a special song.
♪ Flower, gleam and glow
♪ Let your power shine
♪ Make the clock reverse
♪ Bring back what once was mine
♪ What once was mine ♪
FLYNN: You get the gist. She sings to it, she turns young.
Creepy, right?
(VOICES APPROACHING)
We found it!
FLYNN: The magic of the golden flower healed the queen.
A healthy baby girl, a princess was born,
with beautiful golden hair.
(BABY COOING HAPPILY)
(CHUCKLING)
(COOING)
(LAUGHING SOFTLY)
FLYNN: I'll give you a hint,
that's Rapunzel.
(GIGGLES)
To celebrate her birth,
the king and queen launched a flying lantern into the sky.
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
And for that one moment, everything was perfect.
And then that moment ended.
♪ Flower, gleam and glow
♪ Let your power shine
♪ Make the clock... ♪
(GASPS)
(RAPUNZEL CRYING)
FLYNN: Gothel broke into the castle, stole the child,
and just like that, gone!
The kingdom searched and searched,
but they could not find the princess.
For deep within the forest, in a hidden tower,
Gothel raised the child as her own.
RAPUNZEL: ♪ Save what has been lost
♪ Bring back what once was mine
♪ What once was mine ♪
FLYNN: Gothel had found her new magic flower,
but this time, she was determined to keep it hidden.
Why can't I go outside?
The outside world is a dangerous place,
filled with horrible, selfish people.
You must stay here, where you're safe.
Do you understand, flower?
Yes, Mommy.
FLYNN: But the walls of that tower could not hide everything.
Each year, on her birthday,
the king and queen released thousands of lanterns into the sky
in hope that one day their lost princess would return.
(IF YOU BELIEVE PLAYING)
WOMAN: ♪ Time to turn the maple brilliant crimson
♪ Time to turn the Aspen sparkling gold
♪ Time to tumble apples from their branches
♪ Time to tell the breezes crisp and cold
♪ A chilling
♪ Folds the countryside
♪ Kiss of morning mist upon the meadow
♪ Scent of wood smoke swirling in the air
♪ Signals that it's high time for the harvest
♪ Every pumpkin, peach and prickly pear
♪ With ripened fruit to bear
♪ If you believe
♪ In who you are
♪ Who you were always meant to be
♪ If you open up your heart
♪ Then you set your spirit free
♪ In this time of the season
♪ Every leaf on every tree
♪ Will start to shine
♪ Come and see
♪ Take my hand
♪ Come with me
♪ And fly
(GOOSE HONKING)
Oh! Oh!
Yeah, okay. There you go!
No, no, no!
Good job.
♪ In this time of the season
♪ Every leaf on every tree
♪ Will start to shine
♪ Come and see
♪ Take my hand
♪ Come with me
♪ And fly ♪
(WHIMPERS)
Ha!
Hmm.
Well, I guess Pascal's not hiding out here.
(SNIGGERING)
Gotcha!
(SCREAMS)
(PANTS)
That's 22 for me.
How about 23 out of 45?
Okay. Well, what do you want to do?
(SQUEAKS)
Yeah. I don't think so. I like it in here, and so do you.
Oh, come on, Pascal. It's not so bad in there.
♪ Seven a.m., the usual morning lineup
♪ Start on the chores And sweep till the floor's all clean
♪ Polish and wax, do laundry and mop and shine up
♪ Sweep again and by then it's, like, 7:15
♪ And so I'll read a book Or maybe two or three
♪ I'll add a few new paintings to my gallery
♪ I'll play guitar and knit and cook and basically
♪ Just wonder when will my life begin?
♪ Then after lunch it's puzzles and darts and baking
♪ Papier-mache, a bit of ballet and chess
♪ Pottery and ventriloquy, candle-making
♪ Then I'll stretch, maybe sketch
♪ Take a climb, sew a dress
♪ And I'll reread the books If I have time to spare
♪ I'll paint the walls some more
♪ I'm sure there's room somewhere
♪ And then I'll brush and brush and brush and brush my hair
♪ Stuck in the same place I've always been
♪ And I'll keep wondering and wondering and wondering and wondering
♪ When will my life begin?
♪ Tomorrow night
♪ the lights will appear
♪ Just like they do
♪ on my birthday each year
♪ What is it like
♪ out there where they glow
♪ Now that I'm older
♪ Mother might just let me go ♪
(FILM REEL WHIRRING)
(LAUGHING)
WALTER: That's me, Walter.
Where... Where'd you go? Oh, there you are!
WALTER: I have the best life in the whole world.
(LAUGHING)
(LAUGHS) That's my brother, Gary.
He's the best friend you could ever have.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking.
We could be twins.
Here's where we live. Smalltown...
♪ Whoa, in a couple of days they come and take me away
♪ But the press let the story leak
...the best town you could ever grow up in.
♪ And when the radical priest come to get me
♪ Released we was all on the cover of Newsweek
Gary and I did everything together.
♪ I don't know where I'm going
-♪ I'm on my way -(MOANING)
♪ I'm taking my time but I don't know where
♪ Goodbye to Rosie the queen of Corona ♪
And as the years passed, my brother was always there for me.
-(CHEERING) -I got it! Gary, throw me! Throw me!
Ah! (GRUNTS)
WALTER: We were a great team.
-(GRUNTS) -Nice job, Walter.
Thanks, Gary.
(MOANING)
WALTER: Oh, don't get me wrong. It's not perfect.
-That was so fun! -WALTER: Nothing is.
-(LAUGHS) -MAN: Sorry, kid.
GIRL: I wanna do that again!
MAN 2: Come on. I'll ride with ya!
BOY: Hurry up!
WALTER: Even the sunniest days can have a few clouds in them.
Ride's bogus, anyway. Hey, wanna rent a video?
WALTER: Yeah. Uh, race you home!
And, well, that night sorta changed everything.
It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Mr. Steve Martin!
-(APPLAUSE ON TV) -WALTER: I found them...
-(GASPING) -...The Muppets.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
(INHALING)
I guess you could say I was their number one fan.
(GASPING) Oh, Gary, it's an entire map of The Muppet Studios.
-(RATTLING) -(LAUGHS)
(GASPING)
And they made all the difference.
KIDS: Trick or treat! WALTER: Because from then on...
-Hey, guys. -Oh, hey, Gary.
-Hey. -Hi-ho, guys. Yay! (CHUCKLES)
(LAUGHING)
BOY: Is that Kermit the Frog? What is this, 1978?
WALTER: ...even on the worst days, I knew...
-...that as the years passed... -(GASPS)
KERMIT ON TV:
Cancel that last remark.
WALTER: ...as long as there are singing frogs and joking bears...
(BOTH LAUGHING)
...Swedish chefs and boomerang fish,
the world can't be such a bad place after all.
-♪ Mahna mahna -♪ Do doo, do doo doo
All right, good night, buddy.
Oh, good night, Gary.
WALTER:
And as long as there are Muppets...
(YAWNING)
-...for me... -(ON TV)...hair-growing tonic.
...there's still...
...hope.
-(GASPS) -Ah! Bye-bye!
-(LAUGHING) -KERMIT: Somebody get him!
Animal. Hey, Animal, come on. The show's about to start.
Show! Show! (YELLS)
Hey, Walter, why don't you join us?
GONZO: Come on!
(GLASS SQUEAKING)
No! Wait! I want to be with you guys! Please let me in!
Kermit!
-(SCREAMING, GASPING) -Whoa!
Walter, are you okay, buddy?
You're drenched in sweat.
Did you have the dream again?
Um... no.
Uh, hey, so, uh, when are you guys leaving today?
Oh, um, just a couple hours now.
Oh, wow, Gary, I think it is so cool you're taking Mary to Los Angeles.
(LAUGHS) I can't believe you guys have been dating for ten years.
I know. Yeah, she wanted to do something special for this anniversary,
and she's always wanted to see Los Angeles, so...
Hey, uh, don't forget to send me a postcard from The Muppet Studios.
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
-I can't do that, Walter. -But, Gary...
Because... you're coming with us!
(GASPS) Oh, Gary!
-But what about Mary? -She's fine.
She said the more the merrier.
I... I don't know what to say!
The Muppet Studios are there, Gary. I can't believe this!
Better get a move on. We don't want to miss that bus!
No way! Who knows? Maybe Kermit will be there.
I wouldn't get your hopes up, buddy.
The Muppets haven't put on a show together in years.
I don't think they use the studios for anything but tours anymore.
Nah, I think that's just an Internet rumor.
Like there's a country called Turkey.
Walter, how many times do we have to go over this?
-Turkey is a very real country. -Wow, Muppet Studios.
I can't believe it!
(RHYTHMICALLY BRUSHING)
♪ Everything is great Everything is grand
♪ I got the whole wide world in the palm of my hand
♪ Everything is perfect It's falling into place
♪ I can't seem to wipe this smile off my face
♪ Life's a happy song when there's someone by my side to sing along
(BRUSHING, SPITS)
♪ When you're alone Life can be a little rough
♪ It makes you feel like you're three foot tall
♪ When it's just you Well, times can be tough
♪ When there's no one there to catch your fall
(GRUNTS) Whoa!
(GRUNTS)
♪ Everything is great Everything is grand
♪ I got the whole wide world in the palm of my hand
♪ Everything is perfect It's falling into place
♪ I can't seem to wipe this smile off my face
-♪ Life smells like a rose -♪ With someone to paint
-♪ And someone to pose -♪ Life's a piece of cake
-♪ With someone to pedal -♪ And someone to brake
-♪ Life is full of glee -♪ With someone to saw
-♪ And someone to see -♪ Life's a happy song
♪ When there's someone by my side to sing along
♪ I've got everything that I need
♪ Right in front of me
♪ Nothing's stoppin' me
♪ Nothin' that I can't be
♪ With you right here next to me
-♪ Life's a piece of cake -♪ With someone to give
-♪ And someone to Heavy cake! -♪ Life's a piece of pie
-♪ With someone to wash -♪ And someone to dry
-♪ Life's an easy road -♪ With someone beside you
-♪ To share the load -♪ Life is full of highs
-♪ With someone to stir -♪ And someone to fry
♪ Life's a leg of lamb
♪ With someone there to lend a hand
♪ Life's a bunch of flowers
♪ With someone to while away the hours
♪ Life's a fillet of fish
♪ Yes, it is Life's a happy song
♪ When there's someone by your side to sing along
ALL: Oh...
♪ I've got everything that I need
♪ Right in front of me Nothing's
♪ Stoppin' me Nothin' that I can't be
♪ With you right here next to me
♪ I've got everything that I need
-♪ Right in front of me -(MUSIC STOPS)
Sorry. I was super excited.
All right, Carlos. Flip the ignition.
(ENGINE STARTS)
And that is how you fix a 12-volt starter.
-(SCHOOL BELL RINGS) -Ah. You know what that means.
-Spring break. -ALL: Aw!
It's okay. We'll be back to studying in two weeks.
(ALL CHEERING)
-Have a nice vacation. -Bye. Have fun.
-GIRL: Bye, Mr. Gary. -Have a good break, guys.
-Hey, great job, Carlos. -Thanks.
Enjoy your anniversary dinner.
-Hi. -Um, I got you these.
Oh. Sorry. Um...
It's probably from the dance number I was doing.
It's okay. They're really sweet.
You excited for our big trip to LA? I have our list.
Me, too. (LAUGHS)
Oh, this is the most romantic thing ever.
I've always dreamt of seeing Los Angeles.
I know. Walter can't wait either.
You don't mind that he's coming, right?
Um, no, no, of course not.
As long as we can spend our anniversary dinner together. That's all I ask.
Totally. It's gonna be the most romantic anniversary dinner ever.
-I love you so much. -(SIGHS)
-I love you, too. -I'm gonna go check on Walter.
♪ Everything's great Everything's grand
♪ Except Gary's always off with his friend
♪ It's never me and him It's always me and him and him
♪ I wonder when it's going to end
♪ But I guess that's OK 'Cause maybe someday
♪ I know just how it's going to be
♪ He'll ride up on a steed Get down on one knee
♪ And say "Mary, will you marry me?"
♪ Please
♪ I've got everything that I need
♪ Right in front of me
♪ Nothing's stoppin' me
♪ Nothin' that I can't be
♪ With you right here next to me
♪ You've got everything that you need
♪ Right in front of you
♪ Nothing's stopping you
♪ Nothing that you can't do that the world can throw at you
♪ Life's a happy song
♪ When there's someone by your side to sing
♪Life's a happy song
♪ When there's someone by your side to sing
♪ Life's a happy song when there's someone by your side to sing along ♪
(HORN HONKS)
-MAN: Okay, they're gone! -(ALL GROAN)
Wow! I could get used to a view like this.
Rider, come on!
Hold on.
Yep. I'm used to it. Guys, I want a castle.
We do this job, you can buy your own castle.
(SNEEZES)
Hay fever?
Yeah.
Huh?
Wait! Hey, wait!
Can't you picture me in a castle of my own? Because I certainly can.
All the things we've seen,
and it's only 8:00 in the morning!
Gentlemen, this is a very big day!
WALTER: Hey, Gary, what should we
do first at Muppet Studio?
'Cause I was thinking that maybe we
could start at Fozzie's Joke Room, but...
Oh, no, wait, wait, wait.
The lines might be shorter at
Honeydew's Laboratory of Fun,
so maybe we should start there instead.
I just... I just can't wait!
-Morning, Stone. -Hey, Terence.
Come on, let's go. Flap your wings!
Those fairies on the mainland won't be able to fly without pixie dust!
Terence, have you delivered the pixie-dust rations to the scouts yet?
Yep. Finished today's and half of tomorrow's.
Remember, one cup each. No more, no less.
I know, Fairy Gary.
(BELL DINGS)
(BEETLE EXCLAIMS)
(BUZZING)
(PANTING)
Well, that's my cue. I'll catch you guys later.
And where are you off to?
Just doing some errands and stuff.
(EXCLAIMS)
-Errands! -And stuff!
Why are you guys talking like that?
BOTH: No reason.
-All right. -Say hi to Tinker Bell, would you?
What?
(ALL LAUGHING)
Very funny.
All right, you got me. I'm gonna help Tink again.
-Is it okay if I take this? -FAIRY GARY: Sure.
Thanks. See you tomorrow.
TINKER BELL: Hammer.
(BIRD CHIRPING)
Thanks. Okay, try it now, Cheese.
(SQUEAKING)
Yeah, that's it! Keep going. Keep going!
Hey, Cheese. Special delivery for Tinker Bell.
Hi, Terence.
Who's your best friend that always delivers?
Hmm.
-Iridessa? -Nope. Try again.
-Fawn? -Me!
(CHUCKLES) Just kidding.
So, what do you think of the Pixie Dust Express?
Wow. The guys are gonna love this back at the depot,
and it sure is going to help out on the river-outpost deliveries.
Hey, is that a stretchy thingy?
Yeah, I thought you could use it for your motor.
(EXCLAIMS)
I think it's gonna be perfect.
(BOTH GROANING)
TINKER BELL: Clip.
All right, Cheese, ready to launch.
Aah!
(CHEERING)
It floats!
(ALL CHEERING)
Okay. Are you ready for the official test run?
Don't worry. I'll be right next to you.
-All set? -Check.
Let her rip.
(CHUCKLING) Whoa.
And now for hydro-drive.
Sorry.
(BUZZES)
Whoa!
Oh, no!
(SCREAMING)
(SCREAMING)
Hmm.
(SPLASH)
Ooh!
(GROANING)
-Are you okay? -Yeah. Thanks.
(SIGHS)
I can't believe the boat broke.
I guess your guys are gonna have to wait a little longer.
I'm impressed.
Usually when one of your inventions
doesn't work out, you overreact,
but I must say, you're handling this one pretty well.
-I drove it into a tree? -Never mind.
(GROANS)
Jingles!
I made it to help you, Terence. It should've worked.
Come on. Look, it just needs a little tinkering.
Let's see. Who do I know who's a good tinker?
Bobble. Bobble's a good tinker.
Or Fairy Mary, she's got a lot of experience.
Or... Hey, what about Clank?
(TINKER BELL GIGGLING)
(KAZOO HUMMING)
Uh-oh.
-Someone's in trouble. -Hey, I haven't done anything, lately.
The stinkbug incident?
(GASPS)
Oh, no.
Tinker Bell, Queen Clarion awaits.
TINKER BELL: It's
all a big misunderstanding.
I'm sure the queen wants to see me about something completely unrelated.
(BLOWS KAZOO)
One moment.
Tinker Bell is here. She's waiting outside, my lady.
QUEEN CLARION: Thank you, Viola.
-Fairy Mary, are you certain? -Whatever do you mean?
Only that Tinker Bell, while undoubtedly talented, also...
-Is a hothead? Flies off the handle? -Well, yes.
I believe she deserves a chance, Minister.
After all, tinker fairies learn from their mistakes.
Very well.
Agreed. Tinker Bell!
Fairy Mary tells me she knows...
It's not my fault, Your Highness!
Those stinkbugs were asking for it.
-This isn't about the stinkbugs, is it? -No.
But we can certainly come back to that later.
(LAUGHING) Mary.
You do know the Minister of Autumn.
-My dear. -Hi.
Are you familiar with the great autumn revelry?
Well, everyone's talking about it. They're so excited.
Since time immemorial,
fairies have celebrated the end of autumn with a revelry,
and this particular autumn coincides with a blue harvest moon.
A new scepter must be created to celebrate the occasion.
Behold, the Hall of Scepters.
(EXCLAIMS IN AWE)
-They're beautiful. -Every scepter is unique.
Some are the work of animal fairies,
some of light fairies, or water fairies, or garden fairies.
This year, it is the turn of the tinker fairies.
And Fairy Mary has recommended you.
(GASPS)
-Me? But I'm... I'm... -A very talented tinker.
The scepter must be built to precise dimensions.
At the top, you will place a moonstone.
When the blue moon is at its peak,
its rays will pass through the gem, creating blue pixie dust.
QUEEN CLARION: The blue pixie
dust restores the Pixie Dust Tree.
Like autumn itself, it signals rebirth and rejuvenation.
We are relying on you.
This way, dear.
Here is the moonstone.
It has been handed down from generation to generation.
Be careful. It is ridiculously fragile.
Fairy Mary, I... I don't know what to say.
-Thank you! -Careful, Tinker Bell! Fragile!
One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
(SIGHS)
-Why are you counting? -It helps to calm me down.
Got it. Don't worry, Fairy Mary.
I'll make you proud, all of you.
Yahoo!
(SIGHS) This is it!
This is a very big day, Pascal.
(CHUCKLES)
I'm finally going to do it. I'm going to ask her.
-GOTHEL: Rapunzel! -(GASPS)
Let down your hair!
It's time!
I know, I know. Come on. Don't let her see you.
Rapunzel! I'm not getting any younger down here!
Coming, Mother!
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING) Hi. Welcome home, Mother.
(EXCLAIMS) Rapunzel, how you manage to do that
every single day without fail.
It looks absolutely exhausting, darling.
Oh, (CHUCKLES) it's nothing.
Then I don't know why it takes so long.
(LAUGHS) Oh, darling, I'm just teasing.
(CHUCKLES)
All right.
So, Mother,
as you know tomorrow is a very big day...
Rapunzel, look in that mirror.
You know what I see?
I see a strong, confident, beautiful young lady.
Oh, look, you're here, too. (LAUGHS)
I'm just teasing. Stop taking everything so seriously.
Okay. So, Mother, as I was saying, tomorrow is...
Rapunzel, Mother's feeling a little run-down.
Would you sing for me, dear? Then we'll talk.
Oh! Of course, Mother.
(QUICKLY) ♪ Flower, gleam and glow Let your power shine
♪ Make the clock reverse Bring back what once was mine
Wait!
♪ Heal what has been hurt Change the Fates' design
♪ Save what has been lost Bring back what once was mine ♪
Rapunzel!
So, Mother,
earlier I was saying tomorrow is a big day, and you didn't respond.
So, I'm just going to tell you, it's my birthday!
(LAUGHS) Ta-da!
No, no, no. Can't be.
I distinctly remember. Your birthday was last year.
That's the funny thing about birthdays.
They're kind of an annual thing.
(SIGHS)
Mother, I'm turning 18, and I wanted to ask...
(SIGHS) What I really want for this birthday...
Actually what I wanted for quite a few birthdays now...
Rapunzel, please, stop with the mumbling.
You know how I feel about the mumbling. Blah-blah-blah-blah.
It's very annoying! I'm just teasing. You're adorable.
I love you so much, darling.
(PASCAL SQUEAKS)
(EXCLAIMS) I want to see the floating lights.
(CHUCKLES) What?
I was hoping you would take me to see the floating lights.
Oh! You mean the stars.
That's the thing.
I've charted stars, and they're always constant.
But these, they appear every year on my birthday, Mother.
Only on my birthday.
And I can't help but feel like they're meant for me.
I need to see them, Mother.
And not just from my window, in person.
I have to know what they are.
You want to go outside? (SCOFFS) Why, Rapunzel...
♪ Look at you, as fragile as a flower
♪ Still a little sapling, just a sprout
♪ You know why we stay up in this tower
I know, but...
That's right.
♪ To keep you safe and sound, dear
♪ Guess I always knew this day was coming
♪ Knew that soon you'd want to leave the nest
♪ Soon but not yet
But...
♪ Shh! Trust me, pet
♪ Mother knows best
(HATCH THUDDING CLOSED)
♪ Mother knows best Listen to your mother
(SCREAMS)
♪ It's a scary world out there
(GRUNTING)
♪ Mother knows best
♪ One way or another Something will go wrong
♪ I swear
♪ Ruffians, thugs, poison ivy, quicksand
♪ Cannibals and snakes,
♪ the plague
No!
Yes.
♪ Also large bugs Men with pointy teeth
♪ And stop! No more, you'll just upset me
♪ Mother's right here Mother will protect you
♪ Darling, here's what I suggest
♪ Skip the drama Stay with Mama
♪ Mother knows best
(LAUGHS)
♪ Mother knows best Take it from your mumsy
♪ On your own, you won't survive
♪ Sloppy, underdressed Immature, clumsy
♪ Please, they'll eat you up alive
♪ Gullible, naive Positively grubby
♪ Ditsy and a bit... Well, hmm, vague
♪ Plus, I believe, getting kind of chubby
♪ I'm just saying 'cause I wuv you
♪ Mother understands Mother's here to help you
♪ All I have is one request
Rapunzel?
Yes?
Don't ever ask to leave this tower again.
Yes, Mother.
Oh.
I love you very much, dear.
I love you more.
I love you most.
♪ Don't forget it
♪ You'll regret it
♪ Mother knows best ♪
Ta-ta! I'll see you in a bit, my flower!
I'll be here.
(CHIRPS)
TERENCE: Tink!
Tink?
Hey!
So?
Terence, you're never gonna believe this.
Guess what happened! Go on, guess!
Well, I...
I have been picked to make the new fall scepter!
Me! Me!
Hey, that means they... They gave you the moonstone?
Yeah! Want to see?
(WHISTLES)
Not so close. Don't breathe on it. It's fragile.
Yeah, I know. I know all about it.
The blue moon only rises in Pixie Hollow every eight years.
The trajectory of the light beam's
gotta match the curvature of the moonstone
at a 90-degree angle
so the light can transmute into pixie dust.
Wow, Terence! Now, how'd you know all that?
Well, you know, every dust-keeper's gotta study dustology.
Hey! You know what this calls for?
-Two cups of... -Chamomile tea.
-With extra honey and... -And some milkweed whip.
(GIGGLES)
Hey, by the way, that new bucket-and-pulley system you made?
Fairy Gary loves it.
-He's so cute. -If you say so.
You know what? Maybe I can help you.
You know, I'm kind of an expert on this.
I can collect the supplies and give you advice.
-You will? That's... That's so sweet. -Hey, what are friends for?
So, what do you say? Can I be your wingman?
That would be great.
-The best dust-keeper fairy. -And the best tinker!
This is gonna be a revelry to remember.
(PANTING)
(GASPS)
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no. This is bad. This is very, very bad.
This is really bad.
They just can't get my nose right.
Who cares?
It's easy for you to say. You guys look amazing.
(HORSES NEIGHING)
(PANTING)
All right. Okay. Give me a boost and I'll pull you up.
Give us the satchel first.
(EXCLAIMS)
I just...
I can't believe that after all we've been through together,
you don't trust me?
Ouch.
(GRUNTING)
Now help us up, pretty boy!
Sorry, my hands are full.
What?
Rider!
(EXCLAIMS)
Retrieve that satchel at any cost!
SOLDIERS: Yes, sir!
(NEIGHING)
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS)
We got him now, Maximus.
(GRUNTS)
(URGES HORSE)
(LAUGHS)
(SNORTS)
(GRUNTS) Come on, fleabag! Forward!
No. No!
Stop it! Stop it! Give it to me!
Give me that!
Ha!
(CRACKING)
(NEIGHING IN ALARM)
(SCREAMS)
(NEIGHS)
(SPITS)
(SNIFFING)
(EXCLAIMS)
(MAXIMUS NEIGHING)
(SNORTS)
(NICKERS)
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
Alone at last.
(CLANGING)
(SQUEALS)
Huh.
(GASPS SOFTLY)
Huh?
(GASPS)
(CLANGING)
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
(GRUNTING)
(EXCLAIMS)
Hmm.
(CHUCKLING CONTENTEDLY)
(SQUEALS)
(GRUNTING)
Huh?
Okay, okay, okay. I've got a person in my closet.
I've got a person in my closet.
(ENUNCIATING)
I've got a person in my closet!
(CHUCKLES)
Too weak to handle myself out there, huh, Mother?
Well, tell that to my frying pan.
(GROANS)
Huh?
Hmm.
Hmm.
-GOTHEL: Rapunzel! -(GASPS) Oh!
Let down your hair!
One moment, Mother!
I have a big surprise!
Uh... I do, too!
Ooh, I bet my surprise is bigger!
(SOFTLY) I seriously doubt it.
I brought back parsnips.
I'm going to make hazelnut soup for dinner.
Your favorite.
Surprise!
Well, Mother, there's something I want to tell you.
Oh, Rapunzel, you know I hate leaving you after a fight.
Especially when I've done absolutely nothing wrong.
I've been thinking a lot about what you said earlier.
I hope you're not still talking about the stars.
"Floating lights," and, yes, I'm leading up to that.
Because I really thought we dropped the issue, sweetheart.
No, Mother, I'm just saying,
you think I'm not strong enough to handle myself out there.
Oh, I know you're not strong enough to handle yourself out there.
But if you just...
We're done talking about this.
Trust me! I know what I'm...
Rapunzel.
Rapunzel!
Oh, come on!
Enough with the lights!
You are not leaving this tower! Ever!
(GROANS) Great. Now I'm the bad guy.
All I was going to say, Mother, is that...
I know what I want for my birthday now.
And what is that?
New paint.
The paint made from the white shells you once brought me.
That is a very long trip, Rapunzel.
Almost three days' time.
I just thought it was a better idea than the stars.
(SIGHS)
You'll be all right on your own?
I know I'm safe as long as I'm here.
GOTHEL: I'll be back
in three days' time.
I love you very much, dear.
RAPUNZEL: I love you more.
GOTHEL: I love you most.
TERENCE: Knock-knock.
(YAWNS)
-Morning. -Hi.
All right, we have one full moon
until the autumn revelry. Here we go.
Hey, Tink! I brought you some stuff from work.
Whoa.
Wow, Terence, how did you...
(SQUEAKING)
I love this thing!
I can tell you're gonna be a big help.
TERENCE: Looks good.
Now, remember, you get the most blue pixie dust
if you maximize the moonstone's exposed surface area.
Right. Got it.
TERENCE: Knock-knickity-knock!
(YAWNS)
Out of bed, sleepyhead.
You gotta keep the fire nice and hot.
(COUGHING)
(SCRAPING)
(TERENCE WHISTLING)
Excuse me, Tink.
Yeah, you know, you should really keep that workspace clean.
Okay, let me just... Let me get that one right there.
Just one more. Thank you.
-Whoa! -One, two, three...
-Why are you counting? -...four...
TERENCE: Knickity-knickity-knock!
Knickity-knock!
(WHISTLING)
Watch your angle there.
(CONTINUES WHISTLING)
TERENCE: (SOFTLY)
Knock-knock! Who's there?
Knock. Knock who? Knock-knock-knickity-knock!
Knickity-knock.
(SQUEAKING)
(GLASS SHATTERING)
(POLICE SIREN WAILS)
Oh, Walter, don't be nervous.
Oh, I know. I just can't believe I'm here.
The home of the Muppets!
(WOMAN SPEAKING CHINESE)
What... What happened to this place?
Wh... Where is everyone, Gary?
I don't know, buddy. It's so... Oh...
Oh. Okay, well, I guess you guys are it for today.
Ahem. Anyway, welcome to the original Muppet Studio,
where dreams can come true.
-(COUGHS) -(SPEAKING CHINESE)
-Is this the Universal Studios? -Yes, it is.
Okay, now if you'll just follow me, please.
Okay. This used to be Kermit's office.
-Whoa. -Mm-hmm.
It's really the highlight of the tour.
You should see it sometime.
Okay, this next building is where they kept the rope
and the medium-gauge wire for the productions. Let's go take a look.
Come on, buddy.
Steady.
You gotta be easy. This is the tricky part.
I know.
All right, now we gotta match the trajectory of the light beam
-with the... -Got it. Thanks.
-With the... -Okay. Yeah, I know.
-With the... -Shh!
-The curvature of the moonstone. -Will you please...
(GROANS)
Tink, it looks like you need some sort of, you know, sharp thingy.
That's exactly what I need.
Could you go out and find me something sharp?
You got it. I'll be right back.
Take your time.
(WHISPERS) Wow!
Oh! Oh, boy.
Oh!
Whoa!
-(GASPS) -(RATTLING)
There. Now this here is Kermit the Frog's old office.
-Or so we've been "toad." -(BOTH LAUGH)
Well, as you know, gentlemen, I've loved the Muppets since I was a boy.
Mm-hmm.
And what better way to honor the Muppets
than to make this beautiful studio a Muppet museum.
-Mm-hm. -I think I'll call this room
the "Kermit the Frog's Old Office Room."
-Oh, that is lovely. -Oh, good one, Mr. Richman.
Now, this here is the standard "Rich and Famous" contract
Kermit signed 30 years ago, that contains...
-The deed to this property. -WALDORF: Exactly.
Now, this contract is 100 percent ironclad, with one minor exception.
If the Muppets can raise the ten million dollars it would cost
to buy the building before this contract expires, then they get their studio back.
You know, if I didn't know better,
I'd say you were reciting some sort of an important plot point.
Well, I hope so. Otherwise, I just bored the audience half to death.
You mean half the audience is still alive?
-(BOTH LAUGH) -It's nice doing business with you.
-Yes, sir. Come on. -Goodbye.
Love geriatric humor.
Gentlemen, there's oil under this studio.
(SNIFFS) Yeah, I can smell it.
And more importantly, the geological
survey says there definitely is.
-Oh. -In two weeks,
we tear this place to the ground
and start drilling. Ah, those Muppets.
They think they're so funny.
Well, it looks like the joke's about
to be on them.
-Maniacal laugh. -(LAUGHS)
-Maniacal laugh. -(LAUGHING)
Maniacal laugh. Maniacal laugh.
-(GASPS) -TEX: Maniacal laugh.
(GASPING)
(SCREAMING)
GARY: Walter! MARY: Walter?
GARY: Walter! MARY: Walter!
(SCREAMING)
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
Yeah, so then, when he thought
they were alone, he said,
"There's oil under this studio, see.
I'm gonna tear it to the ground, see.
-Sweet, sweet oil, see!" -People still talk like that?
Maybe that's just how he sounded
in my head.
Either way, we've got to find Kermit!
He'll know what to do.
How do we find Kermit?
Nobody's seen him in years.
WALTER: (GASPS) Stop the car!
I've got an idea!
ALL: Mm!
-These are delicious! -Mm-hmm.
-Great idea, Walter. -Mm-hm.
(CLANK HUMMING)
Clank, what is that?
This is a fireworks launcher. Allow me to demonstrate.
Iridessa and Rosetta will mix light crystals with flower pigment.
The mixture will go into the launcher, like so.
Then I tighten the spring, like so.
-Oh, dear. Clank... -Then you throw the trigger...
-Yes, Clank... -...and the fireworks shoot into the air!
-Clank! -Like so!
(SCREAMING)
Clanky, that's brilliant!
Hey, Bobble.
Listen, do you know where I can find a sharp thingy?
-A sharp thingy? -How about a stick?
-No, a sharp thingy-majigy. -A stick can be pretty sharp!
No, I need something sharper to help Tink.
CLANK: For Tink!
-Clank, don't sneak up on me like that. -Did you try the cove?
Of course! That's where all the lost things wash up.
-Thanks, Bobble. Thanks, Clank. -Our pleasure. So long, Terence!
I'm getting a little dizzy.
Uh-oh.
(BLOWS)
Perfect.
And now for the finishing touch,
a spattering of silver shavings.
Steady. I can't wait till she sees this.
Oh!
There. Perfect.
-Finally. -TERENCE: Hey, Tink! I'm back!
(SIGHS)
-What is this? -It's your sharp thingy.
My... That's not...
One, two, three, four...
Terence, this is not sharp. This is round.
It is, in fact, the exact opposite of sharp.
-Really, look, if you look inside, it's... -I need to work, okay?
Now, would you please get this thing out of here?
My scepter!
Tink, I'm so sorry. I...
-Out, Terence! Just go! -What?
You brought this stupid thing here. You broke the scepter.
-This is your fault! -Tink, I...
-I was just trying to be a good friend. I... -Go away! Just leave me alone!
Fine! Last time I try to help you.
(SCREAMS)
Ow! Ow! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!
No.
Kept her workspace clean,
brought her food, stoked the fire!
"Find a sharp thingy."
Searched high and low,
and she didn't even say thank you!
(CROAKING)
Whoa.
(GROANING)
I know some rock fairies that are gonna be pretty upset.
What? There are no rock fairies.
(CHUCKLES)
You never know. There might be.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm great! Why do you ask?
I'm... No. I'm sorry. I... I had a fight with Tink.
What happened?
There was just an accident, and she just... She just exploded. I...
She exploded?
No, no, I don't mean like that.
I mean, she just yelled at me, you know? And...
Oh!
(LAUGHING)
Did she turn red?
Well, of course she turned red! It's Tink!
Just give her a chance to cool off.
(SIGHS)
Yeah, you're probably right.
(GASPS)
(SIGHS)
-CLANK: Hello, Tink! -Clank! Bobble!
Came to see if you wanted to join us for fairytale theater.
BOBBLE: We figure you could use
a real break.
Break? Nothing's broken! What do you mean?
What do you know?
Sorry, fellas. Busy.
You know, the revelry, fall scepter, whatnot.
I can't wait to see that scepter!
-Try. -Is it as beautiful as I imagine?
Uh...
-No. -Terence told us it's amazing.
We're so proud of you.
-Look, guys, I really don't have time. -Well, not to worry, Tink.
We'll tell Fairy Mary you couldn't make it.
-Fairy Mary? -Well, sure!
You know her. She never misses fairytale theater.
Bye-bye!
Clank! Bobble! Wait for me!
(CLEARS THROAT)
Fairy Mary, I...
Tinker Bell! I wasn't expecting to see you tonight.
Have you finished the scepter?
Well, not exactly.
I... I was wondering... I mean, I have to ask you...
Yes?
It's about the moonstone.
What happened to it? You didn't lose it. Tell me you didn't lose it!
-I didn't lose it. -Good.
But I was thinking,
if using one moonstone creates blue pixie dust,
using two would create even more.
Do you have another moonstone?
That moonstone is the only one found in the last 100 years.
And thank goodness we found it.
Without the blue dust, the Pixie Dust Tree would grow weak,
and things would be pretty tough around here, believe you me.
(THUD)
(GASPS)
Are you okay? You look sort of pale.
-Wait. I know what's going on. -You do?
You've been working too hard.
What you need is a little theater.
Knowing you, you'd probably redo
the whole scepter if you could.
-Is that an option? -(CHUCKLING) Tinker Bell!
(CHIME TINKLING)
(ORCHESTRA PLAYING SOFT MUSIC)
How exciting!
-♪ Hush, fairies! Hush, fairies! -♪ Hush, fairies! Hush, fairies!
-♪ 'Tis the moment for ancient fairy lore -♪ 'Tis the moment for ancient fairy lore
Tinker Bell, do you mind?
(SNIFFING)
Sorry. Skunk training.
-♪ Hush, fairies! Hush! -♪ Hush, fairies! Hush!
-♪ For a fairytale of yore! -♪ For a fairytale of yore! ♪
'Twas a distant fall
when a pirate ship arrived in Neverland.
The dreaded pirates swarmed ashore,
seeking the greatest and most elusive prize of all.
A fairy.
Pirates give me the willies!
Far and wide, the pirates searched until they found a fairy.
They chased her, captured her
and forced her to lead them to the most magical treasure,
the enchanted Mirror of Incanta.
Forged by fairy magic in ages past,
the mirror had the power to grant three wishes,
anything precious to your heart.
-Fairy Mary, is this true? -Every word.
The pirates used two wishes,
but before they could use the third wish,
the ship was wrecked on an island north of Neverland.
The Mirror of Incanta, with its last remaining wish,
was lost forever.
(EXCLAIMS)
Yet it is said that the clues to find it
are hidden in this ancient chant.
"Journey due north past Neverland
"Till a faraway island is close at hand
♪ "When you're alone But not alone
♪ "You will find help And an arch of stone"
Arch of stone.
"There's one way across the isle's north ridge
"But a price must be paid at the old troll bridge"
What did she say?
I think she said something about a toll bridge.
-Toll bridge? -Yeah.
-But I don't know how much it costs. -Oh?
"At journey's end You shall walk the plank
"Of the ship that sunk But never sank"
♪ "And in the hold Amidst gems and gold
♪ "A wish come true Awaits, we're told
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
♪ "But beware and be warned There's a trick to this clue
♪ "Wish only goodwill Or no good will come you
♪ "For the treasure you seek
♪ "You may yet come to rue!" ♪
AUDIENCE: Bravo! Bravo!
Bravo! Bravo!
"Faraway island is close at hand
"Due north past Neverland"
Let's see. Mouse cheese.
Um...
Pan. Chart.
Extra clothes.
This one's not for traveling.
How am I gonna carry all this?
Not enough.
-There you go. One cup, dear. -Thank you.
Fairy Gary. Hi.
Hello, Tink. What brings you here?
I see that bucket-and-pulley system
l rigged for you is working out.
You know, Fairy Gary, you really run a tight ship.
I know it sounds like I'm just saying it, but you really do. Really.
That's very sweet, dear.
Anyway, I was wondering, can I have some extra pixie dust?
(LAUGHING)
Pardon?
Come on, Fairy Gary. Please? Just a smidge?
Now, Tinker Bell, you know the rules,
and it says here you already got your ration.
(GROANS)
Iridessa! Rosetta!
-What do you think? -Lend you some of our dust?
Tinker Bell, we need every bit of it on the mainland.
Sweetie, it takes a lot of flying to bring in autumn.
Sorry, Tink.
Say, you know who can help.
Raffaela, Renato, Redina, Rina...
-Hi, Cheese! -Hey, Terence!
Morning, Fawn!
-Rina, Rhoda, Rosetta... -Terence.
-Tink? -Hi.
Surprised to see you. How's the scepter?
I'm working on it.
Look, Terence, things happened, mistakes were made,
and now there's something I need to talk to you about.
I need some extra pixie dust.
You need more pixie dust? That's why you're here?
Yeah.
It's not exactly what I was expecting. Why do you need more dust?
I... I can't tell you.
You can't tell me?
You need more pixie dust, and you can't tell me why?
A true friend wouldn't need to know why.
A true friend wouldn't ask me to break the rules!
Well, then, I guess we're not true friends!
No, I...
I guess we're not.
I'm on my own, then.
(CRYING)
(CAWING)
What?
(EXCLAIMING)
(GROANING)
So long, Pixie Hollow. I'll be back soon.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Okay.
Huh.
(SQUEAKING)
(EXCLAIMS)
Huh? What...
(GRUNTING)
FLYNN: Is this hair?
Struggling... Struggling is pointless.
Huh?
(RAPUNZEL CLAMBERING DOWN)
I know why you're here, and I'm not afraid of you.
What?
Who are you?
And how did you find me?
(STAMMERING SOFTLY)
(ENUNCIATING) Who are you, and how did you find me?
(CLEARS THROAT)
I know not who you are, nor how I came to find you.
But may I just say...
Hi.
How you doing? The name's Flynn Rider.
How's your day going? Huh?
(GRUNTS IN CONFUSION)
Who else knows my location, Flynn Rider?
All right, blondie.
Rapunzel.
Gesundheit. Here's the deal.
I was in a situation, gallivanting through the forest.
I came across your tower and...
Oh! Oh, no.
Where is my satchel?
I've hidden it.
Somewhere you'll never find it.
It's in that pot, isn't it?
(CLANGING)
(GROANING)
Huh?
(EXCLAIMS)
Would you stop that?
Now it's hidden where you'll never find it.
So, what do you want with my hair?
To cut it?
What?
Sell it?
No!
Listen, the only thing I want to do with your hair
is to get out of it, literally.
You...
Wait. You don't want my hair?
Why on earth would I want your hair?
Look, I was being chased, I saw a tower, I climbed it.
End of story.
(STAMMERING) You're telling the truth?
Yes!
Hmm.
(GROWLING)
(GROWLING)
(SQUEAKING)
(WHISPERING) I know. I need someone to take me.
(SQUEAKING)
I think he's telling the truth, too.
(SQUEAKING)
He doesn't have fangs.
(SQUEAKING)
But what choice do I have?
(SIGHS) Okay, Flynn Rider,
I'm prepared to offer you a deal.
Deal?
Look this way.
(EXCLAIMING)
Do you know what these are?
You mean the lantern thing they do for the princess?
Lanterns? I knew they weren't stars.
Well, tomorrow evening,
they will light the night sky with these lanterns.
You will act as my guide, take me to these lanterns,
and return me home safely. Then,
and only then, will I return your satchel to you.
That is my deal.
Yeah.
(GRUNTING)
No can do.
Unfortunately the kingdom and I aren't exactly simpatico at the moment,
so I won't be taking you anywhere.
Something brought you here, Flynn Rider.
Call it what you will,
fate, destiny...
A horse.
So I have made the decision to trust you.
A horrible decision, really.
But trust me when I tell you this.
You can tear this tower apart brick by brick,
but without my help, you will never find your precious satchel.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Let me get this straight.
I take you to see the lanterns, bring you back home,
and you'll give me back my satchel?
I promise.
And when I promise something, I never, ever break that promise.
Ever.
(SQUEAKS IN AGREEMENT)
All right, listen. I didn't want to have to do this,
but you leave me no choice.
Here comes the smolder.
This is kind of an off day for me.
This doesn't normally happen.
Fine! I'll take you to see the lanterns.
Really?
Oops.
(GASPING) You broke my smolder.
GARY: We've been doing this
for a long time.
I think maybe we should call it a night.
-MARY: Guys! -We can't give up, Gary.
I know, but it's getting really late.
Maybe we should just go back to the motel.
-Guys! -It...
-What? -What?
-Maybe he lives there. -Oh. That's it.
So, what do we do now?
I don't see a doorbell. And the house looks empty.
-Gary, throw me over. -What?
-Gary, just throw me over already! -Okay.
-Okay, here we go. Okay... -One, two, three.
-(CRACKING) -That's good.
-(CRACKING) -Oh!
-No, it's good. -Guys?
I think that's an electric fence.
Mary, it's Kermit the Frog.
Okay, buddy, head down. One...
...two... three!
(SCREAMING)
-It's an electric fence. -Yep.
Oh, my gosh. Walter? Walter, buddy? Walter, can you hear me?
-(WHISPERS) Throw me again. -No, I don't...
-I don't think that's a good idea. -What kind of throw was that?
Guys, I think there's somebody coming.
KERMIT: Excuse me...
(CHOIR SINGS)
You okay? That was quite a tumble.
Oh, oh, oh. Look, look. I think...
Hey. Hey, Walter?
Walter, you all right, buddy?
Where am I?
Okay, this is awesome. We're at Kermit's house.
-Oh, jeez. Walter. -No, no, no, no, no. You okay?
Uh... This... This is Kermit's house?
-(GASPING) -Anyhow, how can I help you guys?
Let me just say, this is an honor for all of us to meet you, sir, um,
but my brother Walter has some really disturbing news for you.
-Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. -Not now, '80s Robot.
Might I offer you a drink? Tab?
-KERMIT: Good grief. -New Coke?
Listen. Not right now, '80s Robot, please!
Bummer. Oh.
-Watch out for the... -Gag me with a spoon.
-Yeah, head for the door. -Grody to the max. Ow.
Ow.
-I'm really sorry about that... -Ow.
...Walter. Uh, what were you saying?
Uh, yes.
-Tex Richman, the oil baron, is... -Yes, yes, yes.
Oil baron Tex Richman, the wealthy philanthropist.
You know, he's about to buy our old Muppet Show theater
and turn it into a Muppet museum. Isn't that great?
-No! I mean... -I think what Walter's trying to tell you
is that Tex Richman has a secret plan to tear down the theater and drill for oil.
-What? -The only way to save the studio
is to raise ten million dollars.
Ten million dollars? That's impossible.
But...
The only way to raise that kind of money would be to...
...would be to put on a show.
And I haven't seen the old gang...
...in a long, long time.
I guess people sort of forgot about us.
Huh? Uh...
♪ Is there more I could've said?
♪ Now they're only pictures in my head
♪ That's why my green is feeling gray
♪ Sometimes even frogs have rainy days
♪ Remember when the stage caved in while you were rocking out?
♪ Who'd have thought your smorgasbord would be hard to live without?
♪ If we could do it all again
♪ Just another chance to entertain
♪ Would anybody watch or even care?
♪ Or did something break we can't repair?
♪ Your cannonball trajectory It always gave me hope
♪ They may have been unbearable, but I still loved your jokes
♪ Is there more I could've said?
♪ Now they're only pictures in my head
I didn't do it. I've been framed! Ah! Wocka wocka!
Gonzo the Great will ride this baby again!
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
This legato tune is posolutely,
most transparently bringing me down.
-For sure. -One, two, and a half...
♪ Can we do it all again?
♪ Make 'em laugh like we did then
-(SINGING IN GIBBERISH) -(CHICKEN CLUCKS)
♪ We can harmonize for one more song
♪ But I'm standing here instead
♪ Now they're only pictures in my head ♪
Well, it sounds like you guys aren't getting back together anytime soon.
-Mm-mm. -This is going to be a really short movie.
But, Kermit, you have to try.
I... The Muppets are amazing.
You give people the greatest gift that can ever be given.
-Children? -No, uh, the other gift.
-Ice cream? -No, no. Uh, after that.
-Um, laughter? -Yes!
The third greatest gift ever!
Kermit, your fans never left you. The world hasn't forgotten.
All you need to do is show 'em again!
Hm. (CLEARS THROAT) I don't think so, guys.
(SIGHS)
Don't you see, Kermit?
It's time to play the music.
♪ It's time to light the lights
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets... ♪
(PLAYS PIANO)
Please, Kermit.
You're my hero.
You're on my watch.
Well, I, uh...
I guess...
...we could try.
-We? -Well, yeah, listen.
If I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna need some moral support.
Well, that's perfect. We're experts at moral support.
-Yeah! -Good. I guess if we're gonna go,
we better get going. We got a lot of people to find.
Oh, great! But wait, how do we find 'em?
Didn't you see our first movie?
We drive.
(GRUNTING)
Are you coming, blondie?
♪ Look at the world so close And I'm halfway to it
♪ Look at it all so big Do I even dare
♪ Look at me, there at last I just have to do it
♪ Should I?
♪ No
♪ Here I go
(GRUNTS)
(CHUCKLES)
(LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING)
♪ Just smell the grass, the dirt
♪ Just like I dreamed they'd be
♪ Just feel that summer breeze
♪ The way it's calling me
(GASPS)
♪ For, like, the first time ever I'm completely free
♪ I could go running and racing
♪ And dancing and chasing
♪ And leaping and bounding Hair flying, heart pounding
♪ And splashing and reeling and finally feeling
♪ That's when my life begins ♪
I can't believe I did this!
(GASPS) I can't believe I did this.
(LAUGHING) I can't believe I did this!
Mother would be so furious.
But that's okay. What she doesn't know won't kill her, right?
(CRYING) Oh, my gosh! This would kill her.
This is so fun!
I am a horrible daughter. I'm going back.
(LAUGHING) I am never going back!
I am a despicable human being!
(WHOOPING)
Best day ever!
I just need to angle the moon with the horizon.
(EXCLAIMS)
Huh?
(GASPS)
(SCREAMS)
(EXHALES)
I'm starving.
My boysenberry rolls!
(SQUEAKING)
(BURPS)
My mouse cheese! My pumpernickel muffin!
Out. Out. Shoo. Go find your friends.
(SQUEAKS)
Stop following me.
I'm on a very important mission.
I have two days to find the magic mirror and wish the moonstone back.
(SQUEAKS)
No, I don't need any help.
(SQUEAKS)
Yes, I am sure. Okay. Now, let's see.
(GRUNTS)
Hey, look! Look, little guy. Fetch!
(EXCLAIMS)
Will you please get out of here?
That does it. Out!
(GASPS)
All right. You can stay.
For now. Just do me a favor, if you could stay right here.
If my bearings are accurate, we should see land soon.
I'm Tinker Bell. What's your name?
(SQUEAKS)
Okay. Blinky?
Flicker? Flash? Beam? Flare?
Well, how in the blazing bellows
am I supposed to guess your name
if you keep...
(SQUEAKS)
Your name's Bellows?
Oh, Blaze.
Kind of a tough-guy name. You a tough guy?
(LAUGHING)
Okay. Don't hurt yourself.
-So where do we go first? -I shall take the liberty
of using my modem to locate the Muppets.
-(DIAL TONE, DIALING) -Okay.
-(LOUD STATIC) -Oh, stop it!
In the name of all that's sacred, let it end!
R-E-N-O. That spells "Reno."
You have reached your destination. My guidance ends here.
KERMIT: Well, I guess this is the place.
FOZZIE: Good evening, folks,
and welcome to Pechoolo Casino!
♪ Why are there such great deals
♪ On our hotel rooms?
♪ Free parking for cars
-♪ Not RVs -♪ Not RVs
♪ Our wedding chapel is 24 hours
♪ No marriage certificate is needed
♪ No marriage certificate is needed
♪ We're glad you found it
♪ Pechoolo Casino
♪The owners, the Moopets and me ♪
♪ Cha cha cha ♪
Thank you, thank you.
We'll be back in six minutes.
Mm.
-Hi-ho, Fozzie. -Hi-ho, Kermit.
Kermit? (STUTTERING) What are you doing here?
Uh, well, I... I just want to tell you that was a great, uh, show.
Uh, it was, uh, uh... very informative.
I do my best to keep it fresh each night.
-Oh, yeah. -Oh, I'm Fozzie, by the way.
Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Uh, this is Gary and Mary.
And this here is Walter. Uh, he's a personal friend.
-Yeah. -So I said, "What are you looking at?"
-So I punched him in the face! I mean... -(LAUGHTER)
-Let's talk in my dressing room. -Uh, sure.
Here we are.
Make yourselves at home.
-(DOG BARKING) -Wow.
Huh. This is, uh, not quite what I expected,
-based on your Christmas cards. -Oh, yeah. Uh, about that...
Oh, oh, but it's nice. And... And airy.
Maybe we should give them some space.
I know, but I just wanna hear what they're gonna say. Okay.
FOZZIE: Sixty-four shows nightly
can get pretty grueling.
Fozzie, an evil oil baron wants to tear down our old Muppet studio.
-What? Oh, no! -(GUNSHOTS)
-I mean, uh, that's a shame. -(GUNFIRES, POLICE SIREN)
POLICEMAN: Step out of the vehicle!
Hey, Fozzie...
Um, I'm sorry I haven't been in touch more.
It's fine, Kermit. Look at me! Living the dream!
-(THUNDER CRASHES) -Uh-oh.
Oh, no! Not this again!
-Quick, save the cushions! -The cushions?
(GRUNTING)
I'm sorry, Fozzie.
If I'd known you were here in this place...
That's all right, Kermit. It's not your fault.
-We had a good run. -Yeah.
Yeah, it's just that...
Well, we haven't seen each other in a really long time, and I...
I just thought maybe we could raise the money to buy the theater back
if we all got together and put on one last show.
A show? But I've spent years building a solo career.
I have a whole new show-biz family that loves me.
Fozzie! What the heck are you doing, hibernating?
Next show starts in 30 seconds.
We hired you, and we can fire you, so get your butt in here now!
(BOTH GRUNT)
-They terrify me. Let's go. -Hm, let's go.
KERMIT:
Watch out for the forklift, Fozzie.
FOZZIE: Thanks.
Wow! Gonzo's doing really well!
According to '80s Robot, he's the richest plumbing magnate in the Rust Belt.
You! Order 28,000 tons of plumber's putty from Beijing.
-MAN 1: Right away, sir. -And, you, send the 28,000 tons
of Silly Putty back to Beijing.
-MAN 2: You bet. -Oh, and you?
A memo to the waterless toilet department.
I don't care about the mess, just keep trying.
-Hi, Gonzo. -Uh... Kermit? Fozzie?
-This is a surprise. -Uh, we need to speak to you.
All right. Have a seat.
Ah! Thank you!
-I think I'll stand. -No, really, you should try one!
Comfy.
It's our executive line of used toilets.
-ALL: Mm... -Anyway, I'm very busy.
-I've got 30 seconds. Go. -(TICKING)
Uh, Gonzo, I'm not quite sure how to say this, but...
Don't forget to mention the evil oil baron.
Yes, Fozzie, I was about to. Just give me a moment, okay?
Uh, Gonzo, it would appear...
Remember, evil oil baron.
Fozzie, I'm going to get to that. Please!
-As I was trying to say... -Evil oil baron.
-(BUZZER RINGS) -Okay, time's up. Thank you, guys.
Gonzo, we're trying to get the old gang back together again.
-We really need you. -My answer is no. Good day!
Hm.
Uh, come on, guys. We should go.
I just want to say, when I was a kid, I saw you recite Hamlet
while jumping your motorbike through a flaming hoop, and...
...it made me feel like I could do anything.
Thank you. Yeah.
(CLUCKING)
-Good try, Walter. -GONZO: Hey, guys, up here!
-Yee-haw! -Huh?
I've been wearing this under my suit every single day for years!
Look out below! Whoo-hoo!
Whoa, where you going? You threw me off-balance!
I can't see! Apollo 13!
-(CLUCKING) -(GROANING)
Citizens of Earth, the Great Gonzo is back.
I pledge never to hold a plunger again!
-(BEEPING) -Run!
Run! Run for your lives! Run, run, run!
-(SHOUTING) -Run, guys!
-(CLUCKING) -Run!
Oh, my gosh, run everybody!
It's gonna be big! It's gonna be a big one!
(COUGHING)
Wow! That was an expensive looking explosion!
I can't believe we had that in the budget.
TEACHER: So maybe if you
look inside yourself,
the person you should be most angry at is you. Is you.
How have you been feeling? Any more control issues?
In control.
-Good. -KERMIT: Psst! Animal!
-TEACHER: Excellent. -It's me, Kermit.
Hey, we're having a meeting here, man.
You're being really rude, frog!
Pardon us, please. Animal, I need to talk to you for a second.
We're getting the Muppets back together. We need you to drum again.
-Animal drum? -Yes!
-Please, sir. -Drum! Drum, drum!
-Drum, drum, drum! -Okay, Okay.
-In control. -Good.
I'm Animal's court-appointed sponsor.
We don't use the "d-r-u-m" word.
-It's his trigger word. -His trigger word?
Excuse me, Mr. Black. I'm so sorry to interrupt,
but it's very important to these guys that they get their drummer...
WALTER: Gary!
It's my trigger word, too.
Jack, we talked about this on Tuesday.
Tuesday's another one of my trigger words!
Oh! Oh, I don't think so!
Sorry.
-Let's go, Animal. -Bye-bye!
-Animal, heel. -Go, Animal! Be free, man!
But remember! No drumming!
Mr. Kermit, may I suggest we save time
and pick up the rest of the Muppets using a montage?
KERMIT: Ah, great idea, '80s Robot.
-(PLAYS GUITAR CHORD) -We greatly appreciate
-your financial support. -Whoa!
'80S ROBOT: Eighty-seven point three
miles to go. Eighty-seven point two...
KERMIT: '80s Robot,
do you have to do that?
...the secrets of the universe...
Whoa! (SCREECHING)
(SHOUTING)
I guess we're in.
Welcome to this week's edition
of "Everything Stinks." Whoa!
Bye, Lisa. Off to the TED Conference.
Whoa!
Three, two, one.
Think we should've rented a bigger car?
Hey, wait for me!
I wanna help save the studio!
I wanna go with you! Oh, not again.
Wow. I can't believe we're all back together.
Even all you guys who weren't in the montage!
Yeah, uh, how come you didn't use me in the montage?
I thought my story was pretty interesting.
-(SNORING) -Rowlf?
-Huh? Wha? -Wanna get back together?
-Okay. -Good.
(LAUGHS) Classic.
Anyhow, looks like we got everybody,
so we can plan our telethon and raise that ten million dollars.
-Well, not everybody. -No, I think everybody's here.
-Where's...? -All good!
-Miss... -All done here!
Piggy?
Kermit, we're going to get Miss Piggy, right?
Okay, okay, okay, you're right. We'll go get Piggy!
-(PHONE DIALING) -My Minitel tells me
she is in Paris, France.
Oh! Well, then we drive to France.
You can't drive to France, Walter.
Yeah. It's way too far.
Then maybe we should travel by map!
-Good idea, Fozzie. -ALL: Yeah!
(PEOPLE SHOUTING IN FRENCH)
(GASPING)
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
ALL: To Paris!
ANIMAL: Paris! Paris!
WALTER: Look at these ceilings!
FOZZIE: Yeah.
They must be very tall here.
KERMIT: Yeah, very nice.
Uh, hi there.
Uh, excuse me.
Uh, miss? Uh, pardon me, ma'am?
Hi there! Uh, we're here to see Miss Piggy, and it's urgent.
-Mm-hm. -Urgent! Urgent!
-Is it urgent? -Very. Yes.
Let's have a look then, shall we?
She has an opening in...
-...early September. -Early September?
That's like six months from now!
That's nothing. Once I waited a whole year for September.
She is the plus-size editor. She's a huge deal and extremely busy.
You can't just pop in without an appointment.
-Oh. Okay, then. -Thank you.
RECEPTIONIST: All right. ANIMAL: Mean lady.
-Close the door on your way out. -KERMIT: Thanks a lot.
WALTER: She wasn't very nice. KERMIT: Yeah.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
-Guys! Muppet Man! -Huh?
-Yeah! -Huh?
-(ALL MURMURING) -That could work!
(KNOCKING)
Hello.
(MUPPETS GROANING)
I have an appointment.
Oh. Okay.
Um, will you wait here a moment?
MISS PIGGY: Decisions, decisions.
Eeny, meeny, miny, mo.
I choose you. (LAUGHS)
-(CHEWING) -Mademoiselle Cochonnet?
-Can't you see I'm busy? -RECEPTIONIST: Of course.
There's a, um, man here to see you.
He does have an appointment.
An appointment? That's weird.
Well, why didn't you say so?
Send him in!
Right away. Sorry.
-(LAUGHS) -Remember, left foot, right foot.
Hello.
Whoa! Oh, what?
-(GLASS SHATTERS) -FOZZIE: Oop, sorry.
That looked expensive.
Wah!
Whoa! Oh! (SIGHS)
-You look familiar. -So do you!
-Whoa! -Please, have a seat.
Yes, we're going to have a seat now.
-No, no, no, don't sit down! -Oh, sorry! Whoa!
Uh-oh! Message to head.
Left leg in trouble!
Going down. Left leg going down!
What?
Oh!
(GRUNTING)
I can't believe I fell for Muppet Man.
MARY: You guys okay? GARY: Is anyone hurt?
Kermit?
-Hello, Piggy. -Kermie!
Oh, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie,
Kermie, Kermie, Kermie, Kermie,
Kermie!
Mmm. Kissy-kissy, mmm-mmm.
Wait! What am I doing?
I promised myself I'd never go back!
I am woman! I am strong!
You must leave at once!
-(SPEAKS FRENCH) -Okay.
No, no, wait, wait!
Miss Piggy!
The Muppet Studios are in danger.
In danger? Our studios? Kermit!
It's true, Piggy. And we need to do
The Muppet Show again.
-We need you. -Oh.
Before I decide anything,
I need to talk with you, frog.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
Alone.
Piggy? Last time we were together,
I said some things I regret.
No. No, Kermit.
You were just being honest.
You never intended to marry me.
Not even after I built us a house
where we could raise tadpoles
and grow old together.
Well, who do you think's been looking
after that house all these years, huh?
Piggy, why do you have to always
be so overdramatic about things?
You know, it leaves me no choice
but to do things that hurt you.
I am who I am. Why can't you
accept that about me?
Look, this is not about you and me.
It's never about you and me, is it?
It's always we. We this, we that.
"We" need you. You can't even say,
"I need you," can you?
Piggy, uh...
I'm sorry, Kermit, but I have a life here.
A life I've made for myself.
Oh. Piggy!
Just remember, Kermit,
I cannot be replaced.
Kermit? What happened?
Where's Miss Piggy?
She's not coming, Fozzie.
-(ALL GASPING) -But, Kermit,
we always worked together.
We can't do this without Miss Piggy.
No one would give us a show without her.
We'll be fine, Fozzie.
We'll be fine.
We just...
We'll just have to come up
with something else.
(SIGHS) Kermie.
Hm...
IRIDESSA: That's it, Cheese.
Keep them coming.
Next.
Okay. Next.
Iridessa, how are those lanterns coming?
Almost done, Fairy Mary. Whoa! Good shot, Cheese.
Next, I'll get Rosetta some light crystals for the fireworks.
I can't wait to mix them up with my begonias, gardenias and...
-Forget-me-nots. -Forget-me-nots.
I keep forgetting those.
Fawn, show me how that 21-butterfly salute is coming along.
All right, fellas, when I blow the whistle, you guys go.
(EXCLAIMING IN AGREEMENT)
On your mark, get set...
(BUTTERFLIES EXCLAIMING)
(SIGHS)
(WHISTLES)
One down and 20 to go.
Keep at it, sweetie. Silvermist, what are you working on?
Pollywog bubbles. Okay, guys.
Ooh!
(FAIRY MARY CHUCKLES)
-There you go. -Nicely done, dear.
Next.
Fireworks. Is it ready yet?
-Yes! -Let her rip!
-Right, Bobble. -Dear.
(SCREAMING)
BOBBLE: I'm okay.
(SCREAMING)
(EXCLAIMS)
BOBBLE: Still okay.
Honestly.
One, two.
I don't understand, Blaze. We should've seen land by now.
You go ahead and get some rest. I'll take first watch.
Whoa! I'm awake, I'm awake, I'm... In a tree?
This must be the lost island.
There it is. The stone arch from the story!
You stay here and guard the balloon.
I'll be right back.
Oh!
Oh, no.
This is supposed to be a rock arch,
not a twisty, branchy, tree arch.
(SQUEAKING)
Not now.
(SQUEAKING)
What has gotten into you?
Blaze, where's the balloon?
(SQUEAKING)
It's gone?
My compass, my supplies, my pixie dust.
I left you in charge. Why didn't you warn me?
Well, I... You...
Okay, okay. We'll get back to that later. We gotta find that balloon.
(GROANING)
(BLAZE SHRIEKS)
Blaze!
TERENCE: Tink?
-I'm so sorry... -Terence. Terence. How did you...
You brought this stupid thing here. You broke the scepter.
-This is your fault! -Tink, I...
I was just trying to be a good friend. I...
Just leave me alone!
Fine! Last time I try to help you.
No. Terence, come back. Terence.
Terence.
Blaze, where are you?
Blaze!
I lost my balloon. I lost my pixie dust. I'm starving.
What have I done?
(BOTH EXCLAIM)
(CHUCKLES)
Wow, that hit the spot. Thank you so much.
Hey, we're lost.
By any chance, have you seen a stone arch around here?
(GROANING)
I'm out of dust. Looks like I'll be walking from here.
My compass!
(GROANING)
Ouch!
That is a sharp thingy.
Terence.
The stone arch. Blaze, hey, we made it! We're here!
Thank you so much.
Thank you all so much. Bye, now. Bye!
Great to have friends that will help you out, huh?
(SIGHS)
KERMIT: Okay, I've got an idea.
We need a pig that can sing.
FOZZIE: But, Kermit, who could
possibly replace Miss Piggy?
(CRYING)
(CLEARS THROAT)
You know, I can't help but notice you seem
a little at war with yourself here.
What?
I'm only picking up bits and pieces.
Overprotective mother, forbidden road trip. This is serious stuff.
But let me ease your conscience.
This is part of growing up.
A little rebellion, a little adventure, that's good.
Healthy, even.
(CHUCKLES) You think?
I know. You're way over-thinking this, trust me.
Does your mother deserve it? No.
Would this break her heart and crush her soul? Of course!
But you've got to do it.
"Break her heart"?
In half.
"Crush her soul"?
Like a grape.
She would be heartbroken. You're right.
I am, aren't I? Oh, bother.
All right. I can't believe I'm saying this,
but I'm letting you out of the deal.
What?
That's right, but don't thank me.
Let's turn around and get you home.
Here's your pan, here's your frog.
I get back my satchel,
you get back a mother-daughter relationship
based on mutual trust,
and voila, we part ways as unlikely friends.
No! I am seeing those lanterns.
Oh, come on! What is it going to take for me to get my satchel back?
I will use this.
(TWIG SNAPPING)
(SQUEALS)
(GASPS) Is it ruffians? Thugs?
Have they come for me?
Stay calm. It can probably smell fear.
Oh! (CHUCKLES)
Sorry! Guess I'm just a little bit jumpy.
Probably be best if we avoid ruffians and thugs, though.
(CHUCKLES SELF-CONSCIOUSLY) Yeah, that would probably be best.
Are you hungry? I know a great place for lunch.
(CHUCKLES) Where?
Oh, don't you worry. You'll know it when you smell it.
(SCRAPING)
Hey, what's everybody so quiet about, huh?
Well, she's sorta like Miss Piggy.
Come on, everybody. Let's go pitch our telethon
and get the Muppets back on TV, okay?
-No. -No.
-(SPEAKS SPANISH) -(ALL GASPING)
Oh, my goodness! Oh, that's wonderful!
-That means no. -(SILENCE)
-Oh. -Uh, come on, guys.
-Awkward. -(ALL SIGH)
Listen, Kermit, I like you.
I remember you guys from when I was a kid.
-(ALL MURMURING) -So I'm gonna shoot straight.
-You guys aren't famous anymore. -Yeesh!
I wish she'd shot a little more curvy.
Take a look at this diagram the research department drew up.
This circle represents everything that's currently popular.
And this tiny speck is you guys.
So the answer's no. It's not gonna happen.
Take a look at the shows that are popular now. Punch Teacher.
-Ooh, I love that show. -It's time to punch teacher!
-(ALL CHEERING) -Finish him!
It's my favorite.
MAN: I just thought
I could make a difference.
I'm sorry, but in this market,
you guys are no longer relevant. Have a good day.
(ALL MUMBLING)
Before I go, I'd just like to say something.
I think kids are smarter and better than all this junk, and if you...
-Whoa! -Veronica, bad news.
Punch Teacher has stopped production.
It's being sued by the Teachers Society of America.
-What's their problem? -No idea. I just found out.
What are we supposed to do with that 120-minute black hole
in the schedule coming up in two days?
Okay, Muppets. You've got yourselves a show.
-Oh, yes! -(ALL CHEERING)
Thank you so much. You will not be sorry, I promise, I promise!
Okay, enough! One, no more going nuts in my office. These are new carpets.
-Yes, ma'am. -And two, you need a celebrity host.
Okay. Whatever, whatever. Come on, guys, let's go. Yeah!
BOBO: Let me wipe that down.
DEADLY: You've missed a spot.
-I don't see it. -Just a little lower! Ah!
-Oh, I am so sorry. Did I get you... -Yes.
Well, gentlemen. It appears we have some competition
on the Muppet property.
The Economist says they've gotten back together again.
The Muppets got back together?
Ooh, ooh, remember?
♪ Together again Gee, it's good to be... ♪
Gentlemen, please!
-(WHIMPERS) -No singing in my office!
-Yes, sir. -But, of course, it was all his fault.
-Mostly his fault. -No matter.
Point is that studio and that oil belong to me.
Yeah, those Muppets are gonna be running home with their tails between their legs.
Some of 'em literally. Because those ones have tails.
Maniacal laugh, maniacal laugh.
(LAUGHING)
That's a maniacal laugh moment.
(SNIFFING)
(GRUNTS)
(GROWLING)
(NEIGHS)
(TWIG SNAPS)
(GRUNTS)
(CHUCKLING SOFTLY)
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
(NEIGHING MENACINGLY)
(GASPS)
(EXHALES)
A palace horse.
Where's your rider?
Rapunzel.
Rapunzel!
(NEIGHS IN CONFUSION)
Rapunzel! Let down your hair!
Rapunzel?
(PANTING)
(GRUNTING)
(POUNDING)
Rapunzel?
Rapunzel!
(GASPS)
(GASPS)
KERMIT: Okay, this is it.
'80s Robot, let's park around back.
(CHAIN RATTLES)
Oh.
KERMIT IN FLASHBACK:
It's The Muppet Show,
with our special guest star, Mr. Bob Hope!
(APPLAUSE)
BOB HOPE: Time once again
for "Veterinarian's Hospital,"
the continuing story of...
And now, "Pigs in Space!"
Gary. Can you believe it?
The Muppet Theater.
Yeah.
-Welcome back, everyone. -Thanks.
Well, I know the old place is not quite at its best right now.
Yeah! Who cancelled the maid service?
But don't worry. We'll be fine.
Uh, Kermit, there's no way we can rehearse with the place like this.
Wait. Kermit, don't say another word.
Mary, Walter and I, well, we would be happy to help you rebuild the theater.
Honestly, it would be an honor for all three of us.
So would.
Okay. Well, let's clean this place up!
ALL: Yeah!
(HUMMING)
-This is boring. -But don't you guys remember?
You're the Muppets! You do this to music!
Well, all right!
♪ We built this city
♪ We built this city on rock and roll
♪ Built this city
-Hey, Animal! -Yeah?
-Look what I found! -Ah!
♪ We built this city
♪ We built this city on rock and roll
-♪ Built this city -(WHISTLING)
♪ We built this city on rock and roll
-Beauregard! -Scooter! Good to see you!
Uh, where's everybody been?
Celebrity... celebrity!
Hello! Yes. Could I speak with President Carter, please?
Oh, he moved, huh?
Well, you don't happen to have a number where I could reach...
-(DIAL TONE) -Hello?
Walter, I thought we were gonna clean the balcony.
-Doing a great job, pal. -WALTER: You're doing a great job.
-Wocka wocka. -Hey, guys!
Look at these old photos I just found.
-(ALL MURMURING) -Ah,
can you believe that '80s haircut
I used to have?
I looked totally ridiculous!
♪ Don't you remember
♪ We built this city
Yes, it's Kermit. The frog.
Could you come to our celebrity telethon this weekend?
Sure. Sure, I understand.
♪ We built this city
♪ We built this city on rock and roll
(BABBLING)
-Hey, shut the door! -What is that?
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
-(CHUCKLES) -♪ We built this city on rock and roll
♪ We built this city
♪ Ah
♪ We built this city on rock and roll
-♪ Built this city -(SCREAMING)
♪We built this city on rock and roll ♪
Wow! Great job, everybody!
Oh, hey, Kermit. Listen, um, have a great night,
and I just want you to know, Walter and I are really good sewers,
so we'll have those costumes ready for you in no time.
Oh, good.
-Well, you two have a great night. -Okay. Thank you!
-Bye. -SCOOTER: Uh, Kermit?
Gary, I was kind of hoping that we could go to the beach tomorrow
-or see the Hollywood Sign.
We'll have plenty of time to do that stuff.
It's just, right now, I don't wanna leave Walter. You know, he needs me.
I don't know, sweetheart. He seems pretty happy.
-(LAUGHTER) -FOZZIE: Like that.
WALTER: Oh, okay. FOZZIE: Now you.
Yeah, that's it! Yeah, yeah, good job!
Well, just one more day, okay? And then I'm all yours.
Tell you what. Why don't you get a head start on sightseeing tomorrow,
and then I'll be waiting for you when you get back.
Okay. Just... don't forget about me.
-Never. -(LAUGHS)
Well, we're still on for dinner Friday, right?
Yeah, of course.
-Oh, Walter! -Oh, yes, Kermit.
Hey, listen, Walter, I just wanna tell you
that none of this would have happened without you, so thank you.
-Oh, well... -Oh. And, uh, welcome aboard.
Night, everybody. Just sleep anywhere you can find a spot.
"Welcome aboard?"
(GROANING)
-(CLUCKING) -(SIGHS)
-(SNORING) -Hey, Kermit. You awake?
Yep.
What's the weather supposed to be like tonight?
I don't know. Why?
Oh. I just don't want it to rain through the hole in the ceiling.
Oh. Stars sure are pretty, though.
We're gonna be Okay, right?
We haven't done this in a long time,
and I really don't wanna go back to Reno.
Don't worry, Fozzie. We'll be fine.
Look how we cleaned this place up today, you know?
Same old team, all pulling together.
I guess you're right. Night-night, Kermit.
Good night, Fozzie.
KERMIT: Okay, gather around, troops!
Everybody,
time to get this rehearsal going.
-Scooter, is everybody here? -Almost everyone, chief.
-Yeah... -Hey, uh, anybody got any kerosene?
I wanna take these old pig dresses
out back and burn 'em.
MISS PIGGY: Hold it right there,
sausage snout!
-Piggy? -Huh?
Well, look what the cat dragged in.
Come on. Keep it up, Maurice.
Sorry, Miss Piggy, but you've been replaced... permanently.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah!
I don't think so... sister?
Who you calling sister, sister?
-Oh, look, an omelet station! -Oh, where?
-Hi-yah! -Ah!
There's only one Miss Piggy, and she is moi.
Yeah, well, you ain't seen the last of me!
I'll be back!
Yeah, yeah. Heard of mouthwash?
SCOOTER: Welcome back, Miss Piggy.
All right, all right, don't crowd me!
JANICE: Wow, she sure hasn't changed.
Piggy? You came back.
I'm not here for you, Kermit. I'm here for them.
(DOOR CLOSES)
And besides, when this show's done,
I'm catching the next plane back to my life in Paris.
Okay, Piggy, Okay. Uh, places for the opening number, everybody!
(MISS PIGGY GROWLS)
-Oh, good morning, Veronica. -Morning, Frog.
Okay, everybody, let's take it from the top.
-(MUSIC PLAYS) -Oh!
-You missed your cue. -SWEETUMS: I know!
There's kind of a rhythm to this, you know?
Ah! Oh, and if you like that one,
what's the bear capital of the world?
Mos-cow! Ah!
-(LAUGHS) -(EXPLOSION)
Ha!
♪ It's time to play the music
-♪ It's time to light the lights -Two, three, four.
♪ It's time to put on makeup
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
Hey guys, stop. Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. What's the problem?
We can't keep time without the drums, man! We need drums!
-Oh! Sorry, Animal. -No drums! No drums!
-Jack Black said no drums! -FLOYD: Animal, heel! Sit!
-(SIGHS) Who's next? -ANIMAL: In control.
Oh. Hey, Walter?
Oh. Uh, yes, Kermit?
You think you might wanna help us out here?
Maybe do something in the show?
Kermit, you know, you've been so nice to me,
but I have to face the facts.
See, the Muppets are so talented...
Hey, guys, check it out! Fart shoes!
-(MAKING FART NOISES) -Patent pending!
And... I don't have any talent at all.
The truth is... (SIGHS) I can't perform with you guys.
I feel like a phony just being here.
Walter, just because you haven't found your talent yet,
doesn't mean you don't have one.
If you look inside yourself, I'm sure you'll find something that you're really good at.
Okay, Kermit. I'll try.
Oh.
WOMAN: Take my picture!
Welcome. How many in your party? Two?
Uh, no, just the one.
(LAUGHS) All right, party of one, follow me.
(MUSIC PLAYS)
♪ I look around, and once again I'm on my own
♪ My man ain't here He's gone and done me wrong
♪ No one's gonna stop this girl from having fun
♪ I throw my hands up high and have a party for one
♪ I'm having a me party A party by myself
♪ A me party I don't need nobody else
♪ A me party I'm the first and last to show
♪ There's no one at this party that I don't already know
♪ I'm not gonna sit around by myself and wait for you
♪ Haven't you heard? One is the new two
♪ I'm gonna make a scene I'm gonna make a fuss
♪ Tonight I'm gonna celebrate with just the one of us
♪ I'm having a me party Haven't I seen me here before?
♪ A me party I'm the last one on the dance floor
-♪ Me party -♪ A party just for moi
-♪ Me party -♪ It's a solo Mardi Gras
♪ I'm having a me party I'm such good company
-♪ A me party -♪ I saved the last dance for me
-♪ Ooh -♪ Ooh
♪ What happens at a me party stays at a me party ♪
Excuse me, miss, are you expecting anyone else?
Oh... no.
No, it's just me. Party of one.
MAN: Order up!
I know it's around here somewhere.
Ah, there it is! The Snuggly Duckling.
Don't worry. Very quaint place. Perfect for you.
Don't want you scaring and giving up on this whole endeavor now, do we?
Well, I do like ducklings.
Yay!
(MEN CHATTERING)
Garcon, your finest table, please!
(GASPS)
You smell that? Take a deep breath through the nose.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Really let that seep in. What are you getting?
To me, it's part man-smell and the other part is really bad man-smell.
I don't know why, but overall it smells like the color brown.
Your thoughts?
(GASPS)
That's a lot of hair.
She's growing it out. Is that blood in your mustache?
Goldie, look at all the blood in his mustache!
Good sir, that's a lot of blood!
(GROWLS)
You don't look so good, blondie.
Maybe we should get you home, call it a day.
Probably better off. This is a five-star joint.
If you can't handle this place,
maybe you should be back in your tower.
(RAPUNZEL GASPS)
Is this you?
FLYNN: (GRUNTS)
Now they're just being mean.
(CHUCKLES) It's him, all right.
Greno, go find some guards.
That reward is going to buy me a new hook.
I could use the money.
What about me? I'm broke!
Get back!
Mine!
Ruffians, stop!
We can work this out!
Hey! Leave him alone!
Gentlemen, please!
Give me back my guide! Ruffians!
(EXCLAIMING)
(GRUNTS)
(EXCLAIMING)
Not the nose! Not the nose!
Put him down!
Okay.
I don't know where I am, and I need him to take me to see the lanterns
because I've been dreaming about them my entire life!
Find your humanity! Haven't any of you ever had a dream?
I had a dream once.
(PLAYING NERVOUSLY)
♪ I'm malicious, mean and scary
♪ My sneer could curdle dairy
♪ And violence-wise my hands are not the cleanest
♪ But despite my evil look And my temper and my hook
♪ I've always yearned to be a concert pianist
(PLAYING PIANO)
♪ Can't you see me on the stage performing Mozart
♪ Tickling the ivories till they gleam
♪ Yep, I'd rather be called deadly
♪ For my killer show tune medley
Thank you!
'Cause way down deep inside I've got a dream
ALL: ♪ He's got a dream He's got a dream
♪ See, I ain't as cruel and vicious as I seem
♪ Though I do like breaking femurs
♪ You can count me with the dreamers
♪ Like everybody else I've got a dream
(MEN HUMMING DISTANTLY)
♪ I've got scars and lumps and bruises
♪ Plus something here that oozes
♪ And let's not even mention my complexion
♪ But despite my extra toes And my goiter and my nose
♪ I really want to make a love connection
♪ Can't you see me with a special little lady?
♪ Rowing in a rowboat down the stream
♪ Though I'm one disgusting blighter I'm a lover not a fighter
♪ 'Cause way down deep inside I've got a dream
♪ I've got a dream
ALL: ♪ He's got a dream
♪ I've got a dream
♪ He's got a dream
♪ And I know one day romance will reign supreme
♪ Though my face leaves people screaming
♪ There's a child behind it dreaming
♪ Like everybody else, I've got a dream
♪ Thor would like to quit and be a florist
♪ Gunther does interior design
♪ Ulf is into mime
♪ Attila's cupcakes are sublime
♪ Bruiser knits, Killer sews
Fang does little puppet shows
♪ And Vladimir collects ceramic unicorns
(DINGING)
What about you?
I'm sorry, me?
What's your dream?
No, no, no. Sorry, boys. I don't sing.
♪ I have dreams like you No, really
♪ Just much less touchy-feely
♪ They mainly happen somewhere warm and sunny
♪ On an island that I own Tanned and rested and alone
♪ Surrounded by enormous piles of money
♪ I've got a dream
ALL: ♪ She's got a dream
♪ I've got a dream
♪ She's got a dream
♪ I just want to see the floating lanterns gleam
(ALL CHEERING)
♪ And with every passing hour I'm so glad I left my tower
♪ Like all you lovely folks I've got a dream
♪ She's got a dream He's got a dream
♪ They've got a dream We've got a dream
♪ So our differences ain't really that extreme
♪ We're one big team
♪ Call us brutal
♪ Sick
♪ Sadistic
♪ And grotesquely optimistic
♪ 'Cause way down deep inside we've got a dream
♪ I've got a dream
♪ I've got a dream
(EXCLAIMING)
♪ Yes, way down deep inside I've got a dream ♪
(ALL CHEERING)
I found the guards!
Where's Rider? Where is he?
I know he's in here somewhere. Find him.
Turn the place upside down if you have to!
(GASPS)
(CHAINS RATTLING)
Go. Live your dream.
I will.
Your dream stinks.
I was talking to her.
Thanks for everything.
I believe this is the man you're looking for.
(SLURRING) You got me!
Sir, there's no sign of Rider.
(NEIGHING)
Maximus!
(SNIFFING)
(GRUNTING)
What's he doing?
(NEIGHS)
(SNUFFLES)
A passage! Come on, men. Let's go.
Conli! Make sure those boys don't get away.
(GRUNTS)
Play it safe
or go get the crown?
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
(SLURRING) ♪ I got a dream I got some dreams ♪
Oh! Somebody get me a glass!
Because I just found me a tall drink of water.
Oh, stop it, you big lug.
(LAUGHS)
Where does that tunnel let out?
Knife!
I didn't know you had that in you back there.
That was pretty impressive.
I know!
I know.
So... Flynn? Where are you from?
Whoa! Sorry, blondie, I don't do back-story.
However, I am becoming very interested in yours.
I know I'm not supposed to mention the hair.
Nope.
Or the mother.
Uh-uh.
I'm too scared to ask about the frog.
Chameleon.
Nuance.
Here's my question, though, if you want to see the lanterns so badly
why haven't you gone before?
Uh... (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Well...
(RUMBLING)
Uh, Flynn?
Flynn?
Rider?
(MAXIMUS NEIGHING)
Run. Run!
Who's that?
They don't like me.
Who's that?
They don't like me either.
(NEIGHING FIERCELY)
Who's that?
Let's assume that everyone in here doesn't like me.
Here.
(GRUNTS)
(CHUCKLING)
(GASPS)
I waited a long time for this.
(WHIMPERS)
(GRUNTING)
Oh, mama! I have got to get me one of these!
Ha!
(NEIGHS)
(NEIGHING CHALLENGINGLY)
(FLYNN GRUNTING)
You should know that this is the strangest thing I've ever done!
(DISTANT CLATTERING)
How about two out of three?
Flynn!
(GRUNTS)
(NEIGHS IN SURPRISE)
Flynn, look out!
(EXCLAIMING)
Ha! You should see your faces, because you look...
(GASPING) ...ridiculous.
(THUDDING)
Come on, blondie! Jump!
(NEIGHING FIERCELY)
(MAN SCREAMS)
(RAPUNZEL SCREAMS)
(INHALES)
(PANTING)
(INHALES)
(GASPS)
(GRUNTING)
(EXCLAIMS IN PAIN)
(INHALES)
(GRUNTING)
(GASPING)
It's no use. I can't see anything.
(BREATHING SHALLOWLY)
(INHALES)
Hey, there's no point. It's pitch-black down there.
(DEJECTEDLY) This is all my fault.
She was right. I never should have done this.
(SNIFFLES)
I'm so...
I'm so sorry, Flynn.
(CRYING)
(SIGHS)
Eugene.
What?
My real name is Eugene Fitzherbert.
Someone might as well know.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
I have magic hair that glows when I sing.
What?
I have magic hair that glows when I sing!
♪ Flower gleam and glow Let your power shine ♪
(BOTH INHALING)
(EXCLAIMS)
(GASPS)
(BOTH COUGHING)
We made it.
Her hair glows.
We're alive. I'm alive!
I didn't see that coming.
Eugene?
The hair actually glows.
Why does her hair glow?
Eugene!
What?
It doesn't just glow.
Why is he smiling at me?
I know Tink is my best friend.
We should just forgive each other.
Someone just needs to take the first step.
MALE VOICE: Who?
Yeah, well, I think it should be Tink.
-Who? -Tink.
She blamed me for breaking the scepter.
-Who? -Tink!
I know she's under a lot of pressure,
but she shouldn't have treated me that way.
She should apologize.
Who?
Me.
Thank you so much, Mr. Owl.
You know what? You are truly the wisest of all the creatures.
The fellows are making fun of my kilt again.
-Who? -The guys at the depot!
They keep calling it a skirt.
(MEN COUGHING)
(WHEEZING)
(COUGHING)
I'll kill him. I'll kill that Rider!
We'll cut him off at the kingdom and get back the crown. Come on!
GOTHEL: Or...
Perhaps you want to stop acting like wild dogs chasing their tails
and think for a moment.
(SCOFFS) Oh, please, there's no need for that.
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(CHUCKLING)
Well, if that's all you desire, then be on your way.
I was going to offer you something worth 1,000 crowns.
Would have made you rich beyond belief,
and that wasn't even the best part. (LAUGHING)
Oh, well. C'est la vie. Enjoy your crown!
What's the best part?
It comes with revenge on Flynn Rider.
You're being strangely cryptic
as you wrap your magic hair around my injured hand.
(GROANS)
Sorry.
(EXHALES) Just don't...
Don't freak out.
(SIGHS)
♪ Flower, gleam and glow
♪ Let your power shine
♪ Make the clock reverse
♪ Bring back what once was mine
♪ Heal what has been hurt
♪ Change the Fates' design
♪ Save what has been lost
♪ Bring back what once was mine
♪ What once was mine ♪
(WHIMPERS)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(SCREAM BUILDING)
Please don't freak out!
(STRANGLED GASPING)
I'm not freaking out. Are you freaking out?
I'm just interested in your hair
and the magical qualities it possesses.
How long has it been doing that exactly?
Forever, I guess.
Mother says when I was a baby, people tried to cut it.
They wanted to take it for themselves.
But once it's cut, it turns brown and loses its power.
A gift like that, it has to be protected.
That's why Mother never let me...
(SIGHS)
That's why I never left and...
(SIGHS)
You never left that tower.
And you're still going to go back?
No!
Yes.
(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)
It's complicated.
(EXHALES)
So, Eugene Fitzherbert, huh?
Ah, yeah. Well...
I'll spare you the sob story of poor orphan Eugene Fitzherbert.
It's a little bit of a downer.
(CHUCKLES)
There was this book I used to read every night to all the younger kids.
The Tales of Flynnagan Rider.
Swashbuckling rogue, richest man alive,
not bad with the ladies either.
Not that he'd ever brag about it, of course.
(CHUCKLES) Was he a thief, too?
Uh...
Well, no.
He had enough money to do anything that he wanted to do.
He could go anywhere that he wanted to go.
And for a kid with nothing, I don't know, I...
Just seemed like the better option.
(CHUCKLES)
You can't tell anyone about this, okay?
It could ruin my whole reputation.
Ah. We wouldn't want that.
A fake reputation is all a man has.
(CHUCKLES)
(CLEARS THROAT NERVOUSLY)
Well, I should, um...
(STAMMERING) I should get some more firewood.
RAPUNZEL: Hey.
For the record, I like Eugene Fitzherbert much better than Flynn Rider.
Well.
Then you'd be the first. But thank you.
Well, I thought he'd never leave.
Mother?
Hello, dear.
(STAMMERING NERVOUSLY)
How did you find me?
Oh, it was easy, really.
I just listened for the sound of complete and utter betrayal and followed that.
(SIGHS) Mother...
We're going home. Now.
You don't understand.
I've been on this incredible journey,
and I've seen and learned so much.
I even met someone.
Yes, the wanted thief. I'm so proud.
Come on.
Mother, wait. I think...
I think he likes me.
Likes you? Please, Rapunzel, that's demented!
(PROTESTING)
♪ This is why you never should have left
♪ Dear, this whole romance that you've invented
♪ Just proves you're too naive to be here
♪ Why would he like you? Come on now, really
♪ Look at you! You think that he's impressed?
♪ Don't be a dummy, come with Mummy
♪ Mother...
No!
No?
♪ Oh, I see how it is
♪ Rapunzel knows best Rapunzel's so mature now
♪ Such a clever grown-up miss
♪ Rapunzel knows best Fine, if you're so sure now
♪ Go ahead, then give him this!
♪ How did you...
♪ This is why he's here Don't let him deceive you
♪ Give it to him, watch, you'll see
I will!
♪ Trust me, my dear That's how fast he'll leave you
♪ I won't say I told you so
♪ No, Rapunzel knows best So, if he's such a dreamboat
♪ Go and put him to the test
Mother, wait!
♪ If he's lying, don't come crying
♪ Mother knows best ♪
FLYNN: So, can I ask you something?
Is there any chance that I'm going to get super strength in my hand?
Because I'm not going to lie. That would be stupendous.
Hey, you all right?
Oh! Sorry, yes. Just lost in thought, I guess.
Here's the thing,
superhuman good looks, I've always had them. Born with it.
But superhuman strength!
Can you imagine the possibilities of this?
Patience, boys.
All good things to those who wait.
(SNORING SOFTLY)
(MUMBLES SLEEPILY)
Huh?
(SNORTING)
Well, I hope you're here to apologize.
(FLYNN SCREAMING)
No, put me down! Stop it! No!
Let me go!
(NEIGHING FIERCELY)
(GRUNTING) Give me him!
-(NEIGHING) -FLYNN: Stop, stop, stop!
(FLYNN EXCLAIMS)
(NICKERING GROGGILY)
(NEIGHING)
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Easy, boy. Easy! Settle down.
(NEIGHING FIERCELY)
Easy, boy. Easy.
(SOOTHINGLY) Easy.
That's it.
Now sit.
(NEIGHS)
(FIRMLY) Sit!
-FLYNN: What? -Now drop the boot.
Drop it.
(COOING) Aw!
You're such a good boy! Yes, you are!
(CHUCKLING AFFECTIONATELY)
You all tired from chasing this bad man all over the place?
(NICKERING)
-FLYNN: Excuse me? -Nobody appreciates you,
do they?
(SNORTS)
Do they?
(SNORTS)
Oh, come on. He's a bad horse!
Oh, he's nothing but a big sweetheart.
(NEIGHS HAPPILY)
Isn't that right...
Maximus?
You've got to be kidding me.
Look. Today is kind of the biggest day of my life,
and the thing is, I need you not to get him arrested.
(HUFFS)
Just for 24 hours,
and then you can chase each other to your heart's content.
Okay?
(SIGHS)
(GRUNTS)
And it's also my birthday.
Just so you know.
(SNORTS)
(GRUNTS)
(NEIGHS)
Okay, cue 17 is Fozzie's intro.
Hey, Scooter? What's left?
Oh, uh, it's you, chief!
-Hm? -Your duet. With Piggy.
MISS PIGGY: ♪ Yes I know what's on your mind
-Miss Piggy? -Hm?
We're all out front practicing our acts
and seems that everybody expects you and I to do a duet, so...
Oh, that's so lovely, but I'm afraid I can't.
No, no, you see, I'm already doing a duet with my new dance partner.
(SPEAKS SPANISH, LAUGHS)
Okay, come on, rehearsing, let's go. We gotta break it up.
-Excuse us. -'Scuse us.
Let's try that lift again, shall we?
Ay. The lift again. Okay, on my count this time, okay?
In three, two... Wait for me!
-(CRASHING) -Good grief.
Kermit! There you are. I've been looking for you everywhere!
So nice to see you, Veronica.
Who's hosting? Did you find a celebrity?
Uh, yeah, well, I've wanted to talk to you about that, you see, because, uh...
Well, actually, uh, I'm kind of a celebrity.
You? (LAUGHS) No. Kermit, listen.
I will not air the show unless you find a real celebrity host.
I will rerun Benson if I have to.
Yeah, you see, the thing is, Veronica,
that's kind of impossible because the show's in 12 hours!
Twelve hours! I might as well just go and ask Tex Richman to give us the studio back!
And the Muppets are like a big family.
Well... And for us, that theater is... is like our home.
Um, which is why, in conclusion,
we humbly ask that you give us back our studio.
It would certainly mean a lot to us. Uh...
Hm.
Well, Mr. The Frog, let me see.
(LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT PLAYING)
Correct!
The answer is no.
Well, uh, you coulda just said that.
-Contract. -Contract.
Contract.
-Nicely done, sir. -You see, Muppets,
according to this contract,
it's not just this studio you lose the rights to tonight,
-it's the Muppet name itself. -What?
And all characters under the Muppet name.
Wait a second. What possible use could you have for our names?
(BEEPING)
Told ya I'd be back.
Well, now I am...
...back.
And I see you've met Mr. Richman,
our new business partner.
The Moopets are a hard, cynical act
for a hard, cynical world.
Hey, Fozzie! I want you to meet a friend of mine.
(MOOPETS LAUGHING)
-Wocka wocka. -You're relics, Muppets!
The world has moved on, and no one cares about
your goody-goody, hippy-dippy, Julie Andrews and Dom DeLuise hostin',
singin'-and-dancin' act anymore! You're dead!
-(GASPING) -And I just come to bury you.
Now, get out of my office.
-FLOYD: What? -What is that supposed to mean?
You said you were gonna talk to the man!
Guys! Okay, so maybe Kermit signed away the theater
and the Muppet name, but as long as we have a celebrity host,
we can still pull off a heartwarming,
last-minute triumph, right, Kermit?
Uh, well, uh, actually I don't see how we can, Fozzie.
-Huh? -ZOOT: What?
Guys, the show's in six hours,
and we're barely rehearsed, and, well, uh, I...
I couldn't get us a celebrity host.
-Oh, no! -What?
-(SIGHS) -I'm afraid Tex Richman's right.
The world's moved on.
I'm sorry I dragged you guys into this mess.
Kermit?
All right, listen up, you freaks!
I didn't come 5,000 miles to not be on TV.
All we need is one stinkin' celebrity, and by any means necessary.
Now, the frog's gone. We're doing things my way from now on.
Let's move!
(CHUCKLES CONTENTEDLY)
(LAUGHING)
(NEIGHING IN RAGE)
(SQUEAKS)
(GROWLING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
(BLEATING)
(GASPS)
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING)
Excuse me. Sorry.
(FLYNN WHISTLES)
(ALL GASP)
(ALL LAUGHING)
(GASPING IN AWE)
Thank you!
(NICKERING)
It's for the lost princess.
(MUSICIANS PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC)
(EXCLAIMS)
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
(LAUGHING)
(CROWD CHEERING)
MAN: To the boats!
-Hey! -Hi.
-How was your day? -Oh, it was great.
I went to Guinness Book of World Records... alone.
Then Ripley's Believe It Or Not... solo.
And then I ate lunch unaccompanied.
And then I walked back here... independently.
Listen, um, I got you these.
You know, to make up for the other ones. The broken ones.
Thanks, sweetie.
-Listen, Gary. -Yeah.
I was just wondering what the plan was for dinner tonight.
Oh, I don't care. What do you feel like?
Okay. That's fine.
That's just fine. That's, um, that's perfect.
I'm going to go for a walk.
Individually.
(NICKERS SOFTLY)
Hey, Max!
What? I bought them!
Most of them.
(NICKERS QUESTIONINGLY)
Where are we going?
Best day of your life? I figured you should have a decent seat.
(SIGHS)
You okay?
(SOFTLY) I'm terrified.
Why?
I've been looking out a window for 18 years,
dreaming about what it might feel like
when those lights rise in the sky.
What if it's not everything that I dreamed it would be?
It will be.
And what if it is?
What do I do then?
That's the good part, I guess.
You get to go find a new dream.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
RAPUNZEL: ♪ All those days watching from the windows
♪ All those years, outside looking in
♪ All that time, never even knowing
♪ Just how blind I've been
♪ Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight
♪ Now I'm here, suddenly I see
♪ Standing here, it's, oh, so clear
♪ I'm where I'm meant to be
♪ And at last I see the light
♪ And it's like the fog has lifted
♪ And at last I see the light
♪ And it's like the sky is new
♪ And it's warm and real and bright
♪ And the world has somehow shifted
♪ All at once, everything looks different
♪ Now that I see you
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
I have something for you, too.
I should have given it to you before, but I was just scared.
And the thing is, I'm not scared anymore. You know what I mean?
I'm starting to.
FLYNN: ♪ All those days chasing down a daydream
♪ All those years, living in a blur
♪ All that time, never truly seeing
♪ Things the way they were
♪ Now she's here, shining in the starlight
♪ Now she's here, suddenly I know
♪ If she's here, it's crystal clear
♪ I'm where I'm meant to go
BOTH: ♪ And at last I see the light
♪ And it's like the fog has lifted
♪ And at last I see the light
♪ And it's like the sky is new
♪ And it's warm and real and bright
♪ And the world has somehow shifted
♪ All at once, everything is different
♪ Now that I see you
♪ Now that I...
♪ see you ♪
Is everything okay?
Huh?
Oh, yes. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Yes, of course. I just...
I'm sorry. Everything is fine.
There's just something I have to take care of.
Okay.
I'll be right back.
(SQUEAKS)
It's all right, Pascal.
FLYNN: Ah! There you are!
I've been searching everywhere for you guys since we got separated.
The sideburns are coming in nice, huh?
Got to be excited about that.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Anyhow, I just wanted to say I shouldn't have split.
The crown is all yours. I'll miss you, but I think it's for the
best.
Holding out on us again, eh, Rider?
What?
We heard you found something.
Something much more valuable than a crown.
We want her instead.
(EXHALES)
I was starting to think you ran off with the crown and left me.
He did.
What? No. He wouldn't.
See for yourself.
Eugene?
Eugene!
A fair trade. A crown for the girl with the magic hair.
How much do you think someone would pay to stay young and healthy forever?
No. Please.
No!
No!
(SCREAMS)
(THUDDING)
(MEN GRUNTING)
GOTHEL: Rapunzel!
Mother?
(PANTING)
Oh, my precious girl!
Mother.
Are you all right? Are you hurt?
How did you...
I was so worried about you, dear.
So I followed you. And I saw them attack you and...
Oh, my. Let's go before they come to!
(CRYING)
You were right, Mother. You were right about everything.
I know, darling. I know.
(WHISTLING)
(HUMMING)
-Walter, hey. -WALTER: Oh, Gary.
Oh, where have you been?
I need you to help me figure out a talent.
A talent for what?
For the show. Kermit asked me to do an act in the show.
I... I could be a Muppet.
Wow. Wow, Walter, that's amazing.
Yeah, but, uh, I need to figure out if I have a talent.
Well, um, you know what? I'm sure you'll think of something,
but right now I actually... I need your help. Um...
I'm starting to get the feeling that Mary's upset with me about something,
and I don't know what, and I was hoping maybe you would talk to her for me.
Gary, I'd love to help you out,
but I can't leave the theater now. This is important.
Well, hold on a second. I mean, my life is important, too.
Yeah, but the whole reason we came here was to see The Muppets.
No, it wasn't! The whole reason we came here
was to take a vacation where I took Mary out to a fancy dinner
because it's our tenth anniversary, and then...
-Walter, what day is today? -Uh, Friday.
Yeah. Yeah, that's it.
This is bad. Walter, this is really bad. I have to...
-Mary? Mary! -Wait.
Gary, I need you.
Okay, is everybody ready?
Commence Operation Celebri-nap. Masks on!
-ALL: Masks on! -Except for moi.
Nothing covers this beautiful face.
SWEDISH CHEF:
(GASPS) No maskin'?
No maskin'.
MAN: Check the door on Stage 28.
I'm going over there now.
Ah! I told you, I'm not done putting on my balls!
(ANIMAL PANTING)
Oh, hey, Animal.
What are you doin' here?
Acting. Natural.
MISS PIGGY: Now!
JACK: Whoa!
-GONZO: Hi-yah! -Ah!
-Whoop! -Whoa!
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
Hoo!
Hi-yah!
(BOAT HULL CREAKING)
(SCRAPING)
Look! The crown!
(GROGGILY) Rapunzel.
-Rapunzel! -(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
-FLYNN: No! Wait, guys! -(NICKERS QUESTIONINGLY)
FLYNN: Rapunzel!
Mary, surprise! I figured out why you're mad... at me.
MARY: Gary, I've gone home.
I love you, but you need to decide, are you a man
or a Muppet?
♪ I reflect on my reflection
♪ And I ask myself the question
♪ What's the right direction to go?
♪ I don't know
♪ Am I a man
-♪ Or am I a Muppet? -♪ Am I a Muppet?
♪ If I'm a Muppet Then I'm a very manly Muppet
-♪ Very manly Muppet -♪ Am I a Muppet?
-♪ Muppet -♪Or am I a man?
♪ Am I a man?
♪ If I'm a man that makes me a Muppet of a man
♪ A Muppet of a man
♪ I look into these eyes
♪ And I don't recognize
♪ The one I see inside
♪ It's time for me to decide
♪ Am I a man
♪ Or am I a Muppet?
♪ Am I a Muppet?
♪ If I'm a Muppet Well, I'm a very manly Muppet
-♪ Very manly Muppet -♪ Am I a Muppet?
-♪ Muppet -♪ Or am I a man?
♪ Am I a man?
♪ If I'm a man that makes me a Muppet of a man
♪ A Muppet of a man
♪ Here I go again
♪ I'm always running out of time
♪ I think I made up my mind
♪ Now I understand who I am
♪ I'm a man
♪ I'm a Muppet
-♪ I'm a Muppet of a man -♪I'm a very manly Muppet
♪ I'm a Muppet-y man
I'm so sorry.
-Oh, Gary. -Mary.
♪ That's what I am ♪
Hey, Tink, it's me.
Look, I know you're mad at me, okay,
but there's something I need to tell you.
Tink?
Anyone home?
The moonstone.
What?
(GRUNTS)
It's our last day, Blaze. We gotta find that shipwreck soon.
BOTH: None shall pass the secret troll bridge.
Troll bridge? I thought it was "toll bridge."
-Look, fellas, I don't want any trouble. -We are guardians of the secret...
-Hey, hey, hey! Hey! -What?
It's my turn to give the ominous warning, blockhead.
-Is not. -Is too.
-Is not! Not! Not! Not! Not! Not! -Is too! Is too! Too! Too! Too! Too! Too!
You did it last time.
That was over 300 years ago!
(GROWLS)
Go ahead.
We are guardians of the secret bridge.
Beat it before we grind your bones to make our bed.
-Bread. -What?
The expression is, "Grind your bones
"to make our bread," not "bed."
Oh? Really?
Who would want to make bread out of bones?
Might break a tooth.
Well, who would want to sleep in a bed made of bones?
It's hard on the back.
It'll put a crick in your neck, you knucklehead.
Ix-nay in front of the ictim-vay.
Gravel for brains.
TALL TROLL: Fuzz face. SMALL TROLL: Thimble head.
-TALL TROLL: Stinky breath. -Googly eyes.
-Waxy ears! -Unibrow!
Excuse me. I need to get through.
BOTH: None shall pass!
Do you have any idea what I've been through to get here?
I almost got attacked by bugs and bats
and got blown all over the place by the wind,
and almost starved to death to find a mirror that grants one last wish,
which I wouldn't have even needed
if Terence had taken his time finding me a sharp thingy
instead of making me break the moonstone.
And then he didn't even share his pixie dust because he cares more
about the stupid rules than he does about me...
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on, hang on, hang on.
-Who's Terence? -Is he a friend of yours?
Well, yeah.
He was my best friend.
-You're not very nice. -Hey, don't you judge me!
You've been yelling at each other since I got here.
But he knows I don't mean it, don't you?
You old softie.
(CHUCKLING)
-Like when I call you "wart face." -Yes. Or when I call you "big nose."
Booger breath.
Stinky feet.
TALL TROLL: Weasel toes! SMALL TROLL: Badger brain!
-Garden gnome! -Garden gnome?
Oh, dear, I don't know where that came from.
-I crossed the line. -(CRYING) Say the magic words. Go on.
I'm sorry.
-Do you mean it? -Absolutely.
-Do you feel it? -Deeply.
Well, then, I forgive you.
-Friends? -Friends.
-Come here, buddy. -Pal!
-Amigo. -Compadre.
SMALL TROLL: You're the best. TALL TROLL: No, you.
-SMALL TROLL: No, you. -No, you're right, I am the best.
-So now you think you're the best? -I know I'm the best!
Now, don't you argue with me!
SMALL TROLL: Well, you're ugly
and stinky.
TALL TROLL: Really?
Blaze, listen, it's the ocean.
The ship that sunk but never sank. Okay, Blaze, this is it.
We gotta find that mirror and fix the moonstone. Let's go.
Why couldn't the mirror be in a bunny-filled meadow?
(GASPS)
(MIMICKING ROAR)
(LAUGHING)
(ECHOING)
Blaze!
(PANTING)
(FLUTTERING)
Who's that? Who's there?
(GASPS)
(SOFTLY) Look, Blaze.
(GROANING)
Ah!
What do you think? Too big?
It's gotta be in here somewhere, Blaze. Come on. Help me look.
(GASPS)
It's real.
Okay. Deep breath.
Clear your mind. Only get one shot at this. Here it goes.
I wish... I wish...
I wish...
Blaze, I wish you'd be quiet for one minute!
(GASPS)
No, no, no, no! No! That one didn't count!
I take it back. Please, please. I take it back!
That wasn't my wish. Please!
(SIGHS)
Blaze, look what you've done!
This mirror was my last chance. This is all your fault!
(SNIFFLING)
I'm sorry, Blaze. It's not your fault.
It's mine.
It's all mine.
(CRYING)
I wish Terence were here.
I wish we were still friends.
We are friends, Tink.
Terence.
-I am so sorry. -TERENCE: I forgive you.
I miss you so much.
I miss you, too. But, Tink, why...
Why didn't you tell me about the moonstone?
I didn't want anyone to know.
I didn't think I needed any help, Terence.
I was wrong. I wish you were here.
-I am here. -I know you are.
But, I mean, really here, with me.
I am with you.
No. I mean here, Terence, right next to me.
I'm standing behind you.
(GASPS)
Terence!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I'm so sorry, Terence. I know, I was so wrong...
Hey, hey. I'm sorry, too.
You know, you were under a lot of pressure... Whoa! Hey.
-Who's this? -This is Blaze.
He's been a big help in some tough spots.
-Well, it's a pleasure to meet you. -How did you...
I flew all night and all day over the sea,
and just when I was gonna run out of dust,
I stumbled into that flying machine of yours.
That thing is awesome!
I only had a pinch of dust left. It got me all the way here.
You found my balloon?
But where did you even get the dust to make it this far?
I, you know, borrowed a little extra.
-You broke the rules for me? -Hey, I knew you needed my help.
(CHITTERING)
(SQUEAKING)
TERENCE: Run!
Blaze!
(GASPS)
(BOTH GROANING)
(PIANO PLAYING)
TERENCE: Hold on!
(SCREAMING)
(TERENCE WHOOPS)
(BOTH SCREAMING)
-That was kind of fun. -What?
(SQUEAKING)
There's our way out.
(TERENCE GROANING)
Terence, buy me some time. Come on, Blaze.
Back, you dirty rats!
(CHUCKLES)
(ROARING)
(SQUEAKING)
(ROARING)
(LAUGHING)
-Are they gone? -They're gone.
(DRONING)
Let's go.
Come here, you vicious monster.
(BOTH GROANING)
(DOOR OPENS)
Let's get this over with, Rider.
Where are we going?
Oh.
Kermit. We have our celebrity!
Mr. Jack Black has graciously agreed
to do the telethon!
Oh, my gosh, that's amazing.
Where is he?
-In the trunk. -JACK: Get me outta here!
You kidnapped Jack Black?
That's illegal!
But, Kermit, what's more illegal,
briefly inconveniencing Jack Black,
or destroying The Muppets?
-Kidnapping Jack Black, Fozzie! -MISS PIGGY: Kermit,
listen. Whatever I
may think of you right now,
these guys are counting on you.
You inspire them.
-What, to kidnap people? -To work together.
-To kidnap people? -LEW ZEALAND: Mr. The Frog,
we all agreed a celebrity is not a people.
And now that we have a celebrity,
the show's back on.
Come on, Kermit.
Don't let these guys down now.
All right. Well, what
are you guys still doing here, huh?
-It's showtime! -(ALL SHOUTING)
BOBO: Nicely done, sir. As usual. TEX: En garde.
Oh. Mm-hmm. Ow!
-Ow! Okay, very nice. Doh! -(TEARING)
Halt! Point left!
Well done, sir. Thank you. Thank you so much.
MAN: And coming up next on CDE,
The Muppet Telethon.
Kermit and friends host a
celebrity-studded gala,
with special guest Jack Black.
-Oh, he's pretty good. -Ah!
-We're going to phase two. -Yes, Mr. Richman.
Hm... So do you think
we're working for the bad guy?
There. It never happened.
Now, wash up for dinner. I'm making hazelnut soup.
(SIGHS) I really did try, Rapunzel.
I tried to warn you what was out there.
The world is dark and selfish and cruel.
If it finds even the slightest ray of sunshine,
it destroys it.
(SQUEAKING SADLY)
(SIGHS)
(GROANS)
(GRUNTING)
How did you know about her? Tell me, now!
It wasn't us! It was the old lady!
Old lady?
(GRUNTS) Wait. No! Wait!
You don't understand! She's in trouble! Wait!
Rapunzel?
What's going on up there?
(PANTING)
Are you all right?
I'm the lost princess.
(SIGHS) Please speak up, Rapunzel.
You know how I hate the mumbling.
(LOUDLY) I am the lost princess.
Aren't I?
Did I mumble, Mother?
Or should I even call you that?
Oh, Rapunzel, do you even hear yourself?
Why would you ask such a ridiculous question?
It was you! It was all you!
Everything I did was to protect you.
(GRUNTS)
Rapunzel!
I've spent my entire life
hiding from people who would use me for my power...
Rapunzel!
...when I should have been hiding from you!
Where will you go? He won't be there for you.
RAPUNZEL: What did you do to him?
GOTHEL: That criminal is to be hanged for his crimes.
(GASPS) No.
Now, now, it's all right. Listen to me.
All of this is as it should be.
No! You were wrong about the world.
And you were wrong about me!
And I will never let you use my hair again!
(GRUNTS)
(PANTING)
(SOFTLY) You want me to be the bad guy?
Fine,
now I'm the bad guy.
-(HORN HONKING) -(TIRES SCREECHING)
Hurry! The show starts in ten minutes!
-(ALL SHOUTING) -Where did you learn to drive?
Hang on, everyone!
Come on, guys.
Okay, listen up, everybody! This is it!
-Five minutes to curtain! -Kermit?
Uh, listen,
get ready for the opening number.
-Yes? -I need to talk to you about my act.
Listen, Walter,
I know you're gonna be fine.
In fact, I'm sure you'll be great.
Scooter, who's up first?
-Come on, come on, come on! -No...
KERMIT: Fly in the arches!
(CLUCKING)
-Okay, first we have the opening theme. -Of course. Yeah.
Then you come out and introduce Fozzie.
-Right. -Then we have...
TV executive at six o'clock!
-What? Ah! -The show is a disaster, frog!
-Veronica... -Where's the audience?
I knew you guys weren't popular anymore.
I should have trusted that chart.
There's no one here!
-What about Hobo Joe? -Who?
Why does everybody
forget about Hobo Joe?
-Just a second. Scooter! -Uh, yeah, chief?
Scooter,
did you hand out all those flyers?
Of course. Every last one!
Don't worry. We'll think of something!
-You better. -Oh!
Yoo-hoo! You've got audience.
It's me! What am I, invisible?
-(KNOCKING) -Jack Black.
Fifteen seconds to curtain, Mr. Black.
-Hi! -Ah! Where am I?
Why am I so fancy? What are you doing? You're ruining my look!
Yeah, well, we'll see you out there! Good luck.
JACK: Stop cleaning me!
-You sure got nice teeth, Jack Black. -Yeah.
-(LAUGHING) -We're here!
-Start the show! -Ready for some kind of entertainment!
All right, good luck, everyone,
and cue Scooter.
Okay, we go live in three, two...
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome your host, Kermit the Frog.
It's The Muppet Telethon,
with our very special guest, Mr. Jack Black! Yay!
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
♪ It's time to play the music
♪ It's time to light the lights
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets on The Muppet Show tonight
♪ It's time to put on makeup
♪ It's time to dress up right
♪ It's time to get things started
♪ Why don't you get things started?
I always dreamed we'd be back here.
Dreams? Those were nightmares!
♪ It's time to get things started
♪ On the most sensational
♪ Inspirational Celebrational
♪ Muppetational This is what we call
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
-(HORN PLAYS TARZAN YELL) -Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to The Muppet Telethon!
We have Muppets standing
by to take your calls.
-MUPPET: Yes, we are. -Hi. Hello.
Could I have a large pizza
with ham and...?
Yes, uh, and, boy, do we have
a wonderful show for you,
with our special guest, Mr. Jack Black!
-(GRUNTING) -(LAUGHING)
I'm being held captive by these weirdos!
Now you know how
we've felt for the past 40 years!
Somebody, anybody, please call
the police. This is real rope!
Man, this 3-D is incredible!
-This is real! -Oh, and by the way, folks,
we have plenty of room here
in the audience,
so if you'd like to come down
and see the show live...
There's no audience in the theater.
Look, it's totally empty.
Poor Walter.
Maybe we should go back.
No way, Mary.
I've made my choice already.
I just sang a whole song about it.
I wanna stay here with you.
So thank you.
(MUSIC PLAYS)
Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves
for the Great Gonzo's
most amazing feat ever.
-Head bowling. -What? No!
-I have not signed off on this! -(LAUGHING)
-Drumroll, please. -(TINKLING)
And a one and a two and a three!
Uh-oh. Ahem! My fingers got stuck.
All part of the act, folks. Uh, stay tuned.
-(LAUGHING) -Please, make this end! Please!
-This is great. Call 'em. -(PHONE RINGS)
Hello?
You wanna give us some money? Um...
-Say yes! -Um, yes! We will take that money!
(LAUGHS)
Hey, guys, we got us some money!
Oh, yeah, tickets. Here we are.
Tickets. Thank you.
Uh, five dollars to show your seat.
It's up there somewhere.
-GONZO: Help! -Okay, thank you, Gonzo.
Thank you very much.
Ladies and gentlemen,
we will see what happens with,
uh, head bowling
a little later in the show.
Up next is our furry funny man,
Mr. Fozzie Bear! Yay!
(APPLAUSE)
Thank you, thank you, and thank you.
Boy, did I go to a
bad seafood place last night.
The catch of the day was salmonella.
Ah, wocka wocka! Okay.
-That joke's like 50 years old! -(LAUGHTER)
So how 'bout those
shopping centers, huh?
You seen one, you seen a mall! Take it.
-(SOBBING) Make it stop! -(LAUGHTER)
-FOZZIE: Wocka wocka wocka! -Make it stop! No!
-We're not a team! I'm not with him! -TEX: What is happening?
People are actually watching this?
Deadly! Bring the car!
(SIGHS) What am I gonna do? What
am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?
-(KNOCKING) -Walter?
Sixty seconds till you're on, Walter.
You ready?
No. Guh! Yes, yes, yes...
Whoopi Goldberg?
Selena Gomez? And... Uh, hi there.
Yeah, look, somebody said there
might be a career opportunity here,
-and something about saving a theater. -Yes, yes, of course.
I don't really know who you guys are.
-My agent just told me to show up. -That's great.
Are you one of the
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
Yes, I am, and let me show you
how you can help.
And don't worry. It's just your one
shot to go on live TV
before millions of people to prove you
have what it takes to
become one of the Muppets.
-Good luck. -(SIGHS)
Up next, folks, I am proud to present
a brand-new act to the show.
Introducing Walter.
-(MUSIC PLAYS) -(INHALES)
-(SCREAMS) -(CRASHING)
-FOZZIE: That's not good. -Uh, it appears that, uh,
Walter has, uh, uh, stepped out,
so it's, uh...
Well, it's back to the days of yore
down at the old barbershop.
-♪ Hello -♪ Hello
-♪ Hello -♪ Mee-mee
Oh! (BABBLING)
♪ Mee-mee
♪ Hello
Oh, no! It's a barbershop quartet!
Get me out of here!
(ALL VOCALIZING)
Wait a minute. What are you doing?
-Is that Nirvana? -♪ With the lights out
Stop it! Stop!
-♪ Here we are now -♪ Entertain us
You're ruining one
of the greatest songs of all time!
-♪ Mee mee mee mee -♪ Here we are now
-♪ Entertain us -Careful around the ears!
-♪ An albino -♪ A mosquito
-♪ Mee mee mee mo mo -Ah!
♪ Mee mee mee mee mee mee
♪ Hello, how low?
♪ Yeah
-♪ Yeah ♪ -Ow, that was hot!
Hey! What's going on here?
Why is my body so big?
What'd you do to my voice?
I sound like a chipmunk!
Wait a second.
Did you guys shrink my head?
KERMIT: Ladies and gentlemen,
Jack Black!
Nice work, everybody.
Chickens, you're up next!
It's going rather nicely.
We might just make this.
And now I am pleased and proud
to present
those princesses of poultry,
Camilla and friends!
(MUSIC PLAYS)
(CLUCKING MELODICALLY)
Let's hear it for Camilla
and her farmyard friends!
No, I... I don't know
why I'm not hosting this.
So remember, folks, keep on calling
and you'll help us reach our goal of ten
million dollars by midnight. And if su...
-(GASPING) -Oh, dear.
KERMIT: Ladies and gentlemen,
don't be alarmed.
We will get this sorted out just
as soon as we can. Scooter!
(FIZZLING)
Well, that's that. Nice try, Muppets!
-(LAUGHING) -(GROWLING)
FOZZIE: Uh, Kermit,
how are we going to raise the rest
of the money with no electricity?
KERMIT:
All right, calm down, everybody.
-Is everybody okay? -ALL: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
Well, we can't do the show
without power.
-Huh. Anybody got any bright ideas? -Not now, Fozzie.
Ten-gauge gator grip.
I love it when you talk shop.
(ALL GASPING)
-(ALL MURMURING) -Ahem.
Oh!
-♪ La la la la la la la ♪ -♪ Mee mee mee mee mee ♪
TEX: What? How'd they
get the power back?
Mm-mm-mm.
We're gonna have to get up on that roof
and shut 'em down for good!
Bolt cutters!
Bolt cutters.
Deadly! You come with me.
That's it. (GROWLS)
-(GROWLS) -To the end of the Muppets!
(GRUNTS)
Deadly! What are you doing?
Enough!
Just because I have a terrifying name
and an evil English accent,
does not preclude
the fact that in my heart,
I am a Muppet, not a Moopet!
Looks like it's I
who will have the last laugh!
-What does that mean? -It's an idiom, you idiot,
because you cannot laugh! Ha-ha!
-(CRASHING) -Oopsie.
-(DEADLY LAUGHS) -TEX: Deadly.
Now that's a maniacal laugh for you!
Hey, Gary, Mary,
how'd you guys get here so fast?
We traveled by map.
We thought it'd be quicker.
Hey, I'm sorry I bailed. I just...
I realized you don't let the most important
person in your world slip away.
-Hey, Scooter? -Yeah?
Uh, could you do me a favor
and take over hosting duty?
But, chief, I don't go onstage.
Well, just do what I do.
Pretend that the audience is naked.
Yeah, but, I... Yeah-ha-ha-ha.
(KNOCKING)
Uh, Miss Piggy?
Oh.
(APPLAUSE)
Uh... Ha-ha. You are all naked.
SCOOTER: Uh... Well, sorta.
Okay. Great!
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome, a real hero...
MISS PIGGY: You saved it?
After all this time?
Oh, Kermie.
(CLEARS THROAT, STUTTERS)
I guess I'm not that good
at saying this kind of stuff.
-Yes, Kermie? -Well...
...over the last week,
um, I realized that...
...I... I miss you.
And I need you.
Uh, and maybe you don't need the...
...the whole world to love you.
Maybe you just need one person.
It's time for our song,
and if we don't raise the money tonight,
it might be the last time we sing together.
-(ALL MURMURING) -And...
Well, are you ready?
-Oh, Kermie. -Hm?
(APPLAUSE)
(BANJO PLAYING)
♪ Why are there so many
♪ Songs about rainbows?
♪ And what's on the other side?
♪ Rainbows are visions
♪ But only illusions
♪ And rainbows have nothing to hide
♪ So we've been told
♪ And some choose to believe it
♪ I know they're wrong Wait and see
♪ Someday we'll find it
♪ The rainbow connection
♪ The lovers, the dreamers and me
♪ All of us under its spell
♪ We know that it's probably magic
♪ Have you been half asleep
♪ And have you heard voices?
♪ I've heard them calling my name
(PANTING)
-Hey, these are yours, man. -Huh?
I kept 'em for ya.
-Drum. -No drum.
-Drum! -No drum!
-Drum! Drum! -No drum! No drum!
(SHOUTING)
You know what to do.
♪ I've heard it too many times to ignore it
♪ It's something that I'm supposed to be
MUPPETS: ♪ Someday we'll find it
♪ The rainbow connection
♪The lovers The dreamers and me ♪
(VOCALIZING)
Drum! Drum, drum! Drum!
(LAUGHING)
You still got it, man!
-Piggy? -Hm?
Will you stay... for me?
-For you, Kermie? -Yeah.
Of course!
Whoo-hoo!
(TICKING)
Uh, thank you, everybody.
Uh, thank you, all.
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
it's almost midnight and we haven't
quite reached our target yet,
but, uh, if you'll all just stick around,
we'll be right back with our final act.
ANNOUNCER: The Muppet Telethon
will return after these messages.
(CHEERING)
Walter? Walter, where are you, buddy?
Listen, everybody, the show ran short,
and we don't have anything else planned.
We need one last act to bring us home.
I'm gonna go check on Jack Black
and see if he has any ideas.
You guys see if you can come up
with something.
We have two minutes! Two minutes!
-Think, think, think! -FOZZIE: What am I thinking?
Walter. Walt!
-Walter! -Gary?
-Wha... You came back. -Walter.
What are you doing down here?
They just need one more act.
You gotta get out there
and help those guys.
I can't. What if people laugh at me? I...
I'd rather go back home to Smalltown.
With you.
Look, Walter, you're my brother,
and I'm always gonna love you,
but you belong here, with these guys.
Hey, you're the one
who got Kermit to do this.
You're the one who brought
everyone here together.
You always believe in other people,
but that's easy.
Sooner or later, you gotta
believe in yourself, too,
because that's what growing up is.
It's becoming who you want to be.
You have to try.
Please, Walter.
You're my hero.
(MURMURING)
(BELL DINGS)
Okay, Jack Black's got nothing.
What did you guys come up with?
Uh, Bunsen can set Beaker on fire.
No, no, no, we can't do that.
I could break out the fart shoes.
-No, no, no, that will never work! -MAN: We're back in three, two...
-(BELL DINGS) -Oh, no!
Huh?
(WHISTLING MOURNFUL TUNE)
It's Walter.
-(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS) -(WHISTLING)
-(SONG ENDS) -(APPLAUSE)
Thank you.
He's all grown up.
FOZZIE: Oh, that was wonderful!
(BELL DINGS)
KERMIT: Ladies and gentlemen, Walter!
It looks like we're
going to get our studio back!
This just in, the Muppets are
about to take back their studio.
(GRUNTING)
What's this?
Open up!
What's the password?
What?
(CHUCKLING) Nope.
Open this door!
Not even close!
You have three seconds!
One...
Two...
Three.
Huh?
Frying pans! Who knew, right?
(THUDDING)
(ALL YELLING)
(BELLOWING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
(PANTING)
(SOLDIERS YELLING)
Head down.
Head down.
Arms in.
Arms in.
Knees apart.
Knees apart. Knees apart?
Why do I need to keep my knees apart...
(SCREAMING)
(EXHALES)
(NICKERS)
Max! You brought them here?
Thank you.
(NEIGHS)
No, really. Thank you.
I feel maybe this whole time,
we've just been misunderstanding one another,
and we're really just...
You're right, we should go.
(SOLDIERS YELLING)
Max?
Max!
Max!
(NEIGHING)
(SCREAMING)
(NEIGHING)
(EXCLAIMS)
Okay, Max. Let's see how fast you can run.
Rapunzel?
Rapunzel, let down your hair!
Rapunzel, I thought I'd never see you again.
Huh?
(SCREAMING MUFFLED WARNING)
(GRUNTS)
(GROANS)
(MUFFLED SCREAM)
Now look what you've done, Rapunzel.
Oh, don't worry, dear. Our secret will die with him.
(MUFFLED PROTESTS)
And as for us...
(SCOFFS)
We are going where no one will ever find you again.
(MUFFLED SCREAMS)
(SNARLING)
(GRUNTS)
(SQUEAKS)
Rapunzel, really!
Enough already! Stop fighting me!
No! I won't stop!
For every minute of the rest of my life, I will fight!
I will never stop trying to get away from you!
(PANTING)
But if you let me save him, I will go with you.
(GRUNTING) No! No, Rapunzel.
I'll never run. I'll never try to escape.
Just let me heal him and you and I will be together,
forever, just like you want.
Everything will be the way it was.
I promise.
Just like you want.
(ENUNCIATING) Just let me heal him.
-(CAR STARTS) -(TIRES SCREECH)
'80S ROBOT: Help! I've been mugged.
Alerting authorities.
-RECORDED VOICE: We're sorry... -What happened? Hello?
-Hello? -Guys, my phone is dead.
News flash: My phone is also dead.
Repeat, my phone is also dead.
Ooh!
-(BELL RINGING) -(GROANING)
I did it. (GRUNTS) I beat you.
Game over, Kermit. You lost.
-Aw. -Chicky!
Too late, Muppets. I won! Turn that thing off!
-The show is over! -(AUDIENCES GASPS)
(GROANS) But we were so close!
-(WINDING DOWN) -(ALL GASP)
-(ALL GROAN) -Or not.
It kinda makes me feel better, honestly.
I mean, we were nowhere close at all.
You artists formerly
known as the Muppets
are standing on private property.
My private property.
And I'm telling you to leave. Now!
-Ooh. -(WHIMPERS)
He's right, everybody.
He won. We gotta go.
(SIGHS)
(MAKING FART NOISES)
ROWLF: Ah, not now, Fozzie.
-I can't believe this. -MAN: I know.
FLOYD: Well, that's that.
In case you get any ideas about following us.
(COUGHING)
Eugene!
(COUGHING)
(GROANING)
I'm so sorry. Everything is going to be okay, though.
No, Rapunzel.
I promise. You have to trust me. Come on. Just breathe.
I can't let you do this.
And I can't let you die.
But if you do then you will die.
Hey.
It's going to be all right.
(WEAKLY) Rapunzel.
Wait.
Eugene...
No!
(BLUBBERING)
(SHRIEKS)
What have you done? What have you done?
No!
No! No. No!
(SOBBING)
(EXCLAIMING)
(SCREAMING)
(PANTING)
(GASPS)
No, no, no. Eugene.
(COUGHS)
No! Look at me. I'm right here.
Don't go. Stay with me.
♪ Flower, gleam and glow Let your power shine
♪ Make the clock reverse Bring back what once was mine ♪
Rapunzel.
What?
(WEAKLY) You were my new dream.
(CHUCKLES SADLY)
And you were mine.
(EXHALES)
♪ Heal what has been hurt
♪ Change the Fates' design
♪ Save what has been lost
♪ Bring back what once was mine
♪ What once was mine ♪
(SOBBING)
This isn't right.
It can't end like this.
But what can we do?
(MUPPETS TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
Listen, everybody,
we've got nothing to be ashamed of.
And you know why?
Well, because
thanks to Walter here, we tried.
And if we failed, we failed together,
and to me, that's not failing at all.
And I don't care what anybody says.
And I don't care if no one
believes in us, because I believe.
-I believe in you. -Huh? Ah.
-And you. -Me?
And you.
You know, what's important isn't this
building or a name.
It's each other. So I say, fine,
let's just start at the bottom and
work our way back up to the top.
-ALL: Yeah. -Let's all walk out through these doors
with our heads held high. As a family.
-Because that's what we are. -ALL: Yeah. Yeah.
(EXHALES)
Rapunzel?
(GASPS) Eugene?
Did I ever tell you I've got a thing for brunettes?
(LAUGHS)
Eugene!
(LAUGHING)
-(CHEERING) -(GASPING)
(CHANTING) Muppets, Muppets, Muppets!
(CHANTING) Muppets, Muppets, Muppets!
(LAUGHS) All right.
-Wow. -Wow.
-(MISS PIGGY LAUGHS) -Hey, where's Walter?
See? Your fans, they love you guys!
Hey, Walter. Aren't you gonna join us?
FOZZIE: Yeah! Come on! ROWLF: Come on, Walter!
-Come on, Walter! -Yes. Come!
What're you waiting for, buddy?
Get over there.
Yeah, go ahead.
(CHEERING)
CROWD: (CHANTING)
Muppets! Muppets! Muppets!
(CRYING)
(LAUGHING SOFTLY)
(GASPS)
TERENCE: Now, how are we
gonna fly this thing?
I used the last of my dust getting it here.
TINKER BELL: Well, with any luck,
my pixie-dust bag
should be around here somewhere.
Is it enough?
-Yeah, it's enough. Anchors up. -Aye-aye, Captain.
Just a little bit of pixie dust up front will get this baby going.
That should do the trick.
Whoa!
TINKER BELL: Wow.
I guess it pays to have a dust-keeper fairy around.
I'm telling you, we just might make it.
Hey, are you okay?
What's gonna happen when we get back?
Would you happen to have an extra moonstone?
I don't know if it's gonna help, but I brought this.
My scepter.
Hey, I've got an idea.
-Terence? -Right. Right.
No, I know. You need your space.
No. I can't do this without you. Would you help me?
Sure.
If I turn this, then this can go in here.
Wait a second. You think this would work?
-Yeah. Yeah! -Okay, okay.
Set it at a 30-degree angle
so that the reflective qualities
of the moonstone...
TINKER BELL: Are magnified in relation
to the moonbeam rays.
Yes! You're a genius.
I almost got it. I just need...
-Like a sharp thingy? -Yeah.
(CHUCKLING)
Excuse me, Blaze.
(TRUMPETING)
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
That's a bit heavier than I remember.
(GASPS)
1,492, 1,493...
No, no, no.
It's all right. Tink will be here any second now.
The blue harvest moon is high.
The moonbeams are almost at their mark.
This is a disaster.
Fairy Mary, where is Tinker Bell?
-I don't know! -You...
QUEEN CLARION:
Minister, Fairy Mary?
BOTH: Yes, Your Highness?
Is anything the matter?
-Yes... -No, Your Highness.
-Where is Tinker Bell? -Well, we've been...
SPARROWMAN: Whoa! Look up there!
WOMAN: Tinker Bell!
Hi, everybody!
-Wow! -Wow!
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
Hi! Queen Clarion, Fairy Mary, I made it!
-There she is. -Now that's an entrance.
Right in the nick of time.
Your Highness.
Tinker Bell, at the beginning of the season,
you were entrusted with a great responsibility.
Where is the fall scepter?
There were complications,
but it's ready now, Your Highness.
This way, dear.
Fairies of Pixie Hollow, I present the autumn scepter.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING IN HORROR)
The moonstone! One, two...
(STUTTERING)
No, no, no. Don't worry, Fairy Mary. Just... Just wait.
Wait, wait.
Come on, come on.
Please work. Please work. Please work.
Your Majesty, I've never seen this much blue pixie dust before.
(CHUCKLING) Indeed.
It's at least a million smidges. Maybe more.
-It's more. -Yeah. Much more.
This is amazing!
(WHOOPING)
-Only Tinker Bell. -Pretty good, huh?
Come on, girls. It's show time.
QUEEN CLARION: Fairies
of Pixie Hollow,
we have celebrated this revelry without interruption for centuries.
Tonight, I believe, is our finest revelry ever,
thanks to one very special fairy, Tinker Bell.
And her friend, Terence.
-And her new friend. -Blaze.
Yes, of course. Blaze. We owe them all our thanks.
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
(WHISTLING)
-I'm so proud of you. -Thank you, Fairy Mary.
What made you think of breaking the moonstone
into all those tiny little pieces?
Genius!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
On your lead, my dear.
All right, everyone. To the Pixie Dust Tree!
That's our cue!
(WHISTLING)
There are the bubbles. Hit it, Clank.
It worked, Bobble! It worked!
Aye, it certainly did.
WOMAN: ♪ To believe in who you are
♪ Who you were always meant to be
♪ To you open up your heart
♪ Then you set your spirit free
♪ In this time of the season
♪ Every leaf on every tree
♪ Start to shine
♪ Come and see
♪ Take my hand
♪ Come with me
♪ And fly ♪
NARRATOR: "The greatest treasures
are not gold
"Nor jewels, nor works of art
"They cannot be held in your hands
"They're held within your heart
"For worldly things will fade away as seasons come and go
"But the treasure of true friendship will never lose its glow"
FLYNN: Well, you can imagine what happened next.
The kingdom rejoiced, for their lost princess had returned.
The party lasted an entire week,
and honestly I don't remember most of it.
Dreams came true all over the place.
That guy went on to become the most famous concert pianist in the world,
if you can believe it!
And this guy? He eventually found true love.
As for this guy, I assume he's happy.
He's never told me otherwise.
(NEIGHS SHARPLY)
Thanks to Maximus, crime in the kingdom disappeared almost overnight.
(GRUNTS)
As did most of the apples.
Pascal
never changed.
At last Rapunzel was home.
And she finally had a real family.
She was a princess worth waiting for.
Beloved by all, she led her kingdom with all the grace and wisdom
that her parents did before her.
And, as for me, I started going by Eugene again,
stopped thieving and turned it all around.
But I know what the big question is.
Did Rapunzel and I ever get married?
I'm pleased to tell you
that after years and years
of asking and asking and asking...
I finally said yes.
RAPUNZEL: (SCOLDING) Eugene! FLYNN: All right, I asked her.
RAPUNZEL: And we're living
happily ever after.
FLYNN: Yes, we are.
-(PLAYING PIANO) -Hmm? Oh.
How charming. A finale. Hmm.
♪ Everything is great
♪ Everything is grand
♪ We've got the whole wide world in the palm of our hand
♪ Everything is perfect
♪ It's falling into place
♪ I can't seem to wipe this smile off my face
♪ Life's a happy song
♪ When there's someone by your side
♪ To sing along
♪ Everything is great
♪ And we'll live happily ever after
♪ And we'll keep giving the world
-♪ The third greatest gift -♪ Laughter
♪ Ze movie's almost over
♪ It's time to say, "So long"
♪ Will you please stop singing?
♪ You've already sung this song
♪ Life's a happy song
♪ When there's someone by your side
♪ To sing along
We're happier when you don't sing.
♪ We've got everything that we need
♪ We can be whatever we want to be
♪ Nothing we can't do
♪ The skies are blue When it's me and you And you and you
♪ And you And you And you
Well, all of you. Yeah!
(VOCALIZING)
JACK: Hey, remember me?
I'm Jack Black!
No, what are you doing? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no. Put me back down.
MAN: All hail the Hobo King.
♪ We've got everything that we need
♪ We can be whatever we want to be
♪ Nothing that we can't do
♪ The skies are blue When it's me and you and you and you
♪ Life's a happy song
♪ When there's someone by your side to sing
♪Life's a happy song
♪ Mee mee mee mee mee
♪ Life's a happy song When there's someone
-♪ Someone -♪ Someone
♪ By your side
♪ To sing along ♪
(CHEERY WHISTLING)
I just have one question I need to ask you.
Will you, Mary... marry me?
(BELL DINGS)
-♪ Mahna mahna -♪ Do doo doo doo doo
-♪Mahna mahna -♪Doo doo doo doo
-♪Mahna mahna -You're breaking the law!
I own that name.
Hey, guys, I think I've finally worked out how to... Whoa!
"Oil" bet that hurt. (LAUGHS)
(LAUGHING)
NEWSMAN: This just in, "Richman
gives back Muppet Theater and name.
Change of heart. Nothing to do with head injury."
-♪ Mahna mahna ♪ -♪ Do doo doo doo doo
-♪ Mahna mahna ♪ -♪ Doo doo doo doo
-♪ Mahna mahna ♪ -♪ Do doo...
Hey, Richman! We had a deal!
-Yeah, for reallies! -Yeah, you owe us money, man.
What the wocka?
(GRUNTING MELODICALLY)
Thank you.
-♪ Mahna mahna -♪ Do doo doo doo doo
-♪ Mahna mahna -♪ Doo doo doo doo
NEWSMAN: Breaking news,
"Miss Piggy promises
to stay out of the limelight.
Kermit says, 'We need some time alone.'"
-Oh, Kermie, I'm so happy. -What are you talking about?
Let's share our happiness with ten
of the world's largest news publications.
-How's the quiet life, Kermit? -Piggy, froggy!
How are you enjoying your time alone?
Piggy!
-♪ Mahna mahna -♪ Do doo doo doo doo
-♪ Mahna mahna -♪ Doo doo doo doo
-♪ Mahna mahna -♪ Do doo doo doo doo
♪ Doo doo doo Doo doo doo Doo doo doo doo
♪ Mahna mahna ♪
(GIFT OF A FRIEND PLAYING)
WOMAN: ♪ Sometimes you think you'll be fine by yourself
♪ 'Cause a dream is a wish that you make all alone
♪ It's easy to feel like you don't need help
♪ But it's harder to walk on your own
♪ You'll change inside
♪ When you realize
♪ The world comes to life
♪ And everything's all right
♪ From beginning to end
♪ When you have a friend by your side
♪ That helps you to find
♪ The beauty you are when you open your heart
♪ And believe in
♪ The gift of a friend
♪ The gift of a friend
♪ Someone who knows when your lost and you're scared
♪ There through the highs and the lows
♪ Someone to count on Someone who cares
♪ Beside you wherever you'll go
♪ You'll change inside
♪ When you realize
♪ The world comes to life
♪ And everything's all right
♪ From beginning to end
♪ When you have a friend by your side
♪ That helps you to find
♪ The beauty you are when you open your heart
♪ And believe in
♪ The gift of a friend
♪ And when your hope crashes down Shattering to the ground
♪ You'll feel all alone
♪ When you don't know which way to go
♪ And there's no signs leading you on
♪ You're not alone
♪ The world comes to life
♪ And everything's all right
♪ From beginning to end
♪ When you have a friend
♪ By your side
♪ That helps you to find
♪ The beauty you are when you open your heart
♪ You believe in
♪ When you believe in
♪ When you believe in
♪ The gift of a friend ♪
(SOMETHING THAT I WANT PLAYING)
♪ She's a girl with the best intentions
♪ He's a man of his own invention
♪ She looked out the window
♪ He walked out the door
♪ But she followed him and he said
♪ 'Watcha lookin' for?'
♪ She said I want something that I want
♪ Something that I tell myself I need
♪ Something that I want
♪ And I need everything I see
♪ Something that I want
♪ Something that I tell myself I need
♪ Something that I want
♪ And I need everything I see, yeah...
♪ He's been living in a pure illusion
♪ She's gonna come to her own conclusion
♪ Right when you think you know what to say
♪ Someone comes along
♪ And shows you a brand new way
♪ She said I want something that I want
♪ Something that I tell myself I need
♪ Something that I want
♪ And I need everything I see
♪ Something that I want
♪ Something that I tell myself I need
♪ Something that I want
♪ And I need everything 'cause
♪ It's so easy to make believe
♪ It seems you're living in a dream
♪ Don't you see that what you need
♪ Is standing in front of you
♪ I want something that I want
♪ Something that I tell myself I need
♪ Something that I want
♪ And I need everything I see
♪ Something that I want
♪ Something that I tell myself I need
♪ Something that I want
♪ And I need everything I see ♪
(WHERE THE SUNBEAMS PLAY PLAYING)
♪ Where the sunbeams play in the highland glade
♪ Where the leaves are gently falling
♪ Where we used to dance in the autumn shade
♪ My foolish pride drove you away
♪ Where the storm clouds rose and the cold winds blew
♪ Oh, I could not hear you calling
♪ Till you took my hand and you pulled me through
♪ To where the sunbeams play
♪ To ride with you upon the wind
♪ To fly above the sea
♪ To be far and wide of Neverland
♪ I would dare to go
♪ If you would go with me
♪ Now the wind blows our love against our day
♪ And the dark of night is falling
♪ But if you're with me
♪ We will find our way
♪ To where the sunbeams To where the sunbeams
♪ To where the sunbeams dance
♪ And play ♪