The Emperor's New Groove subtitles

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(THUNDER)

_________________________________

Aah!

_________________________________

(WHIMPERING)

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KUZCO: Will you take a look at that?

_________________________________

Pretty pathetic, huh?

_________________________________

Well, you'll never believe this,

_________________________________

but that llama you're looking at

was once a human being.

_________________________________

And not just any human being.

_________________________________

That guy was an emperor.

_________________________________

A rich, powerful ball of charisma.

_________________________________

Oh, yeah!

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-This is his story.

-(CRYING)

_________________________________

Well, actually my story.

_________________________________

That's right. I'm that llama.

_________________________________

The name is Kuzco...

_________________________________

Emperor Kuzco.

_________________________________

I was the world's nicest guy,

and they ruined my life for no reason.

_________________________________

Oh, is that hard to believe?

_________________________________

Look, I tell you what.

You go back aways...

_________________________________

You know, before I was a llama,

and this will all make sense.

_________________________________

All right, now see,

that's a little too far back.

_________________________________

Oh-ho. Look at me!

_________________________________

That's me as a baby.

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(CRYING)

_________________________________

Ahem!

_________________________________

All right, let's move ahead.

_________________________________

Oh, yeah.

_________________________________

THEME SONG GUY: (SINGING)

There are despots and dictators

_________________________________

Political manipulators

_________________________________

There are blue bloods

with the intellects of fleas

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There are kings and catty tyrants

_________________________________

Who are so lacking in refinements

_________________________________

They'd be better suited

swinging from the trees

_________________________________

He was born and raised to rule

_________________________________

No one has ever been as cool

_________________________________

In a thousand years of aristocracy

_________________________________

(SHIP'S HORN BLOWS)

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An enigma and a mystery

_________________________________

In Mesoamerican history

_________________________________

The quintessence

of perfection that is he

_________________________________

Okay, this is the real me. Not this.

_________________________________

This. Not this.

_________________________________

Winner! Loser.

_________________________________

Okay, see this palace?

Everyone in it is at my command.

_________________________________

-Check this out.

-(SNAPS FINGERS)

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Butler.

_________________________________

Chef.

_________________________________

Theme song guy.

_________________________________

(SINGING) Oh, yeah!

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He's the sovereign lord of the nation

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He's the hippest cat in creation

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He's the alpha, the omega, A to Z

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(SNAPS FINGERS)

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And this perfect world will spin

_________________________________

Around his every little whim

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'Cause this perfect world

begins and ends with

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Me.

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What's his name?

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CHORUS: Kuzco

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That's his name

_________________________________

CHORUS: Kuzco

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He's the king of the world

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CHORUS: Kuzco

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Is he hip or what?

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CHORUS: Kuzco

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Yeah

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(TIRES SKIDDING)

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Gow!

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You threw off my groove!

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I'm sorry, but you've thrown off

the emperor's groove.

_________________________________

Sorry!

_________________________________

You were saying?

_________________________________

What's his name?

Kuzco

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CHORUS: Kuzco

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THEME SONG GUY: That's his name

_________________________________

Is he hip or what?

_________________________________

Don't you know

he's the king of the world?

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Whoa, yeah

_________________________________

Ow!

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Ha!

_________________________________

Boom, baby!

_________________________________

Aah! Your Highness,

it is time for you to choose your bride.

_________________________________

All righty.

_________________________________

Trot out the ladies.

_________________________________

Let's take a look-see.

_________________________________

-Hate your hair. Not likely.

-(WOMEN GASP)

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Yikes, yikes, yikes.

_________________________________

And let me guess.

You have a great personality.

_________________________________

Is this really the best you could do?

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Oh, yes. Oh, no. I mean, perhaps...

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KUZCO: What is he babbling about?

_________________________________

He's like the thing

that wouldn't shut up.

_________________________________

Anyway, still wondering

about that llama in the opening?

_________________________________

Well, let me show you the people

responsible for ruining my life.

_________________________________

First, there's Pacha.

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Uh, excuse me.

I'm here to see Emperor Kuzco.

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You see, I got this summons...

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GUARD: Inside, up the stairs,

and to the left. Just follow the signs.

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Oh, great. Thanks a lot.

_________________________________

KUZCO: Uh, and don't be fooled

by the folksy peasant look.

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Oh!

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RUDY: Uh, pardon me. That's mine.

_________________________________

Oh, here you go.

_________________________________

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

_________________________________

Aah! Oh, hey. Are you all right?

Here. Let me...

_________________________________

-Oh, you're so very kind.

-What happened?

_________________________________

Well, I threw off the emperor's groove.

_________________________________

-What?

-His groove!

_________________________________

The rhythm in which he lives his life,

his pattern of behavior.

_________________________________

I threw it off,

_________________________________

and the emperor had me

thrown out the window.

_________________________________

(GASPS) Oh, really?

I'm supposed to see him today.

_________________________________

Don't throw off his groove!

_________________________________

Oh, okay.

_________________________________

Beware the groove.

_________________________________

Hey, are you gonna be all right?

_________________________________

Groove.

_________________________________

KUZCO: You see what I mean?
_________________________________

This guy's trouble, but as bad as he is,
_________________________________

he is nothing compared

to what's coming up next.

_________________________________

YZMA: And why

have you come here today?

_________________________________

Well... Your Highness...

I mean, Your Grace.

_________________________________

KUZCO: Okay, gang.

Check out this piece of work.
_________________________________

This is Yzma, the emperor's advisor,
_________________________________

living proof that dinosaurs

once roamed the Earth.
_________________________________

And let's not forget

Yzma's right-hand man.
_________________________________

Every decade or so

she gets a new one.
_________________________________

This year's model is called Kronk.
_________________________________

(BUZZING)
_________________________________

Yeah, I got that there, Yzma.
_________________________________

-Uh!

-(BUZZING)

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KUZCO: Yep, that's Kronk.
_________________________________

Now lately, Yzma's

gotten into this bad habit
_________________________________

of trying to run the country

behind my back,
_________________________________

and I'm thinkin' that's got to stop.

_________________________________

It is no concern of mine

whether your family has...

_________________________________

What was it again?

_________________________________

Um, food.

_________________________________

Ha! You really should have thought

of that before you became peasants.

_________________________________

We're through here.

Take him away. Next!

_________________________________

But I... Okay.

_________________________________

Ugh.

_________________________________

KUZCO: The nerve of

some of those peasants, huh?

_________________________________

Tell me about it. Aah!

_________________________________

Hi there.

_________________________________

Ooh, Your Highness.

_________________________________

Ahem.

_________________________________

Oh, oh, oh. (LAUGHING) Um...

_________________________________

Uh, you were doing it again.

_________________________________

Doing? (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Doing... Doing what?

_________________________________

Doing my job.

_________________________________

I'm the emperor,

and you're the emperor's advisor.

_________________________________

-Remember that?

-But, Your Highness,

_________________________________

I was only dealing with

meaningless peasant matters.

_________________________________

KUZCO: Whoa!

_________________________________

Look at these wrinkles.
_________________________________

What is holding this woman together?
_________________________________

What the...

How long has that been there?

_________________________________

Good thinkin', Yzma.

What do you say, Kuzco?

_________________________________

Whoa! No touchy!

_________________________________

No touchy. No touch.

_________________________________

Uh, excuse me, Your Highness.

The village leader is here to see you.

_________________________________

Oh, great. Send him in.

_________________________________

Oh, and by the way, you're fired.

_________________________________

Fired?

_________________________________
(STAMMERING)

What do you mean, fired?

_________________________________

Um, how else can I say it?

_________________________________

You're being let go,

your department's being downsized,

_________________________________

you're part of an outplacement,

we're going in a different direction,

_________________________________

we're not picking up your option...

Take your pick. I got more.

_________________________________

But I... You... Uh...

_________________________________

Uhh.

_________________________________

But... But, Your Highness,

_________________________________

I have been nothing

if not loyal to the empire

_________________________________

for many, many years.

_________________________________

Hey, hey, everybody hits their stride.

_________________________________

You just hit yours 50 years ago.

_________________________________

-So, who's in my chair?

-(SNARLING)

_________________________________

Oh, oh! I know! Yzma.

_________________________________

Yzma's in your chair, right?

_________________________________

Very good, Kronk. Here. Get the snack.

_________________________________

Got it!

_________________________________

(GRUNTS) Oof!

_________________________________

Okay, you heard the man. Up, up, up.

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KRONK: I'm okay. I'm fine.

_________________________________

(MUMBLING)

_________________________________

Ah.

_________________________________

Okay. Show him in.

_________________________________

Ahem.

_________________________________

Uh, Afternoon, Your Highness.

_________________________________

I'm here

because I received a summons...

_________________________________

Hey, there he is! My main village man.

_________________________________

Um, Pacha.

_________________________________

Anyway, I got this summons...

_________________________________

Pacha.

_________________________________

That's right.

You are just the man I wanted to see.

_________________________________

I am?

_________________________________

Word on the street is

you can fix my problem.

_________________________________

You can fix my problem, can't you?

_________________________________

Sure. I'll do what I can.

_________________________________

Good, good.

That's just what I wanted to hear.

_________________________________

Are you aware of just how important

your village is to the empire?

_________________________________

Well, I know we grow the crops

that you use here at the palace.

_________________________________

We also herd the llamas that you...

_________________________________

My village?

_________________________________

Oh, yeah.

_________________________________

You got a pretty sweet little setup there

_________________________________

on top of that hill, don't you?

(LAUGHING)

_________________________________

Yeah. My family has lived on that hilltop

for the last six generations.

_________________________________

Uh-huh.

_________________________________

So tell me, where do you find

you get the most sun?

_________________________________

Oh, I'd say just on the other side

of those trees.

_________________________________

When the sun hits that ridge just right,

these hills sing.

_________________________________

Well, that settles it.

_________________________________

-Really?

-Yep. Problem solved.

_________________________________

Thanks for coming.

_________________________________

That's it? That's all you wanted me for?

_________________________________

I just needed an insider's opinion

before I okay'd this spot for my pool.

_________________________________

Uh, your pool?

_________________________________

Boo-yah! Welcome to Kuzcotopia,

_________________________________

my ultimate summer getaway

complete with water slide.

_________________________________

-What?

-Isn't it great?

_________________________________

It's my birthday gift to me. Ha!

_________________________________

I'm so happy.

_________________________________

Uh... Uh...

_________________________________

Um... I don't understand

how this could happen.

_________________________________

Well, let me clear it up for you.

_________________________________

At my birthday celebration tomorrow,

I give the word,

_________________________________

and your town will be destroyed

_________________________________

to make way for this...

_________________________________

(HUMS CARNIVAL TUNE)

_________________________________

So, if I were you, I'd pick up some

change-of-address forms

_________________________________

on the way home.

_________________________________

But, um, where will we live?

_________________________________

Hmmm.

_________________________________

Don't know, don't care. How's that?

_________________________________

Oh, but wait. You can't...

_________________________________

When I give the word,

_________________________________

your little town thingy will be bye-bye.

_________________________________

Bye-bye!

_________________________________

Oh, wait. No...

_________________________________

(CHUCKLES) Boo-hoo.

_________________________________

KUZCO: Oh, yeah.

Everything was goin' my way.
_________________________________

Or so I thought.

_________________________________

He can't get rid of me that easily.

_________________________________

Who does that ungrateful

little worm think he is?

_________________________________

Does he... A little to the left.

_________________________________

Have any idea of who he's dealing with?

_________________________________

How could he do this to me?

Why, I practically raised him.

_________________________________

Yeah, you think he

would've turned out better.

_________________________________

Yeah, go figure.

_________________________________

Well, it's better

you're takin' out your anger

_________________________________

on these things instead

of the real Kuzco, huh?

_________________________________

(GASPS)

_________________________________

-That's it, Kronk! That's it!

-(CRASHING)

_________________________________

I'll get rid of Kuzco.

(LAUGHING)

_________________________________

The real Kuzco?

_________________________________

Of course the real Kuzco.

_________________________________

Don't you see? It's perfect.

_________________________________

With him out of the way

and no heir to the throne,

_________________________________

I'll take over and rule the empire.

_________________________________

Brilliant!

_________________________________

So how does that work

with you bein' fired and all?

_________________________________

The only ones who know

about that are the three of us,

_________________________________

soon to be the two of us.

_________________________________

And I'm one of those two, right?

_________________________________

To the secret lab!

_________________________________

Pull the lever, Kronk.

_________________________________

YZMA: Wrong lever!

_________________________________

-(SPLASH)

-Huh?

_________________________________

Why do we even have that lever?

_________________________________

(YELPS)

_________________________________

Get out of my way!

_________________________________

SKULL: Please remain seated

_________________________________

and keep your arms and legs

in at all times.

_________________________________

YZMA: Whee!

_________________________________

KRONK: Faster, faster!

_________________________________

Yzma, put your hands in the air!

_________________________________

KRONK: Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo!

_________________________________

Ah, how shall I do it?

_________________________________

Oh, I know.

_________________________________

I'll turn him into a flea,
_________________________________

a harmless little flea,
_________________________________

and then I'll put that flea in a box,
_________________________________

and then I'll put that box

inside of another box,
_________________________________

and then I'll mail that box to myself,
_________________________________

and when it arrives...

(CACKLING)
_________________________________

I'll smash it with a hammer!

_________________________________

It's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, I tell you!

_________________________________

Genius, I say!

_________________________________

Or, to save on postage,

_________________________________

I'll just poison him with this.

_________________________________

Take it, Kronk. Oh, ho, ho.

_________________________________

Feel the power.

_________________________________

Oh...

_________________________________

I can feel it.

_________________________________

Our moment of triumph approaches.

_________________________________

(LAUGHING)

_________________________________

It's dinner time.

_________________________________

So, is everything ready for tonight?

_________________________________

Oh, yeah. I thought we'd start off

with soup and a light salad

_________________________________

and then see how we feel after that.

_________________________________

Not the dinner...

_________________________________

The you-know...

_________________________________

Oh, right. The poison...

_________________________________

The poison for Kuzco,

_________________________________

the poison chosen

specially to kill Kuzco,

_________________________________

Kuzco's poison.

_________________________________

-That poison?

-Yes! That poison.

_________________________________

Got you covered.

_________________________________

Excellent.

_________________________________

A few drops in his drink,

then I'll propose a toast,

_________________________________

and he will be dead before dessert.

_________________________________

Which is a real shame,

because it's gonna be delicious.

_________________________________

(DOOR BANGS OPEN)

_________________________________

Boom, bam, baby!

_________________________________

Let's get to the grub.

_________________________________

I am one hungry king of the world.

_________________________________

So, no hard feelings about being let go?

_________________________________

None whatsoever.

_________________________________

Kronk, get the emperor a drink.

_________________________________

Drink. Right.

_________________________________

(POURING DRINK)

_________________________________

(OPENING POISON STOPPER)

_________________________________

(POURING)

_________________________________

(EXPLOSION)

_________________________________

Your Highness.

_________________________________

(SNIFFS)

_________________________________

Is something burning?

_________________________________

(GASPS) My spinach puffs!

_________________________________

(TWANGS FORK)

_________________________________

Ahem.

_________________________________

So, he seems nice.

_________________________________

(CHUCKLES) He is.

_________________________________

He's what, in his late 20s?

_________________________________

(LAUGHS) I'm not sure.

_________________________________

Saved 'em!

_________________________________

-That's great.

-YZMA: Great!

_________________________________

-Good job.

-Very good job.

_________________________________

Watch it. They're still hot.

_________________________________

Ahem.

_________________________________

Ahem!

_________________________________

(CHUCKLES)

_________________________________

Kronk. The emperor needs his drink.

_________________________________

Right. Oh, right.

_________________________________

Hey, Kronky,

everything okay back there?

_________________________________

Well...

_________________________________

Oh, uh...

_________________________________

Ooh. The drinks were a bit on the...

_________________________________

Mmm.

_________________________________

Oh... Uh... Warm side.

_________________________________

(LAUGHS)

_________________________________

Hey, did you see that sky today?

Talk about blue.

_________________________________

(LAUGHS) Yes, Kronk.

_________________________________

Riveting.

_________________________________

A toast to the emperor!

_________________________________

Long live Kuzco!

_________________________________

(UNDER HIS BREATH)

Don't drink the wine.

_________________________________

(COUGHING) Poison.

_________________________________

Ah! Tasty.

_________________________________

YZMA: Finally! (LAUGHS)

_________________________________

Good work, Kronk.

_________________________________

Oh, they're so easy to make.

I'll get you the recipe.

_________________________________

Now to get rid of the body.

_________________________________

Okay! What were we saying?

_________________________________

Uh, we were just making a toast

_________________________________

to your long and...

_________________________________

Healthy rule.

_________________________________

Right. So what are you gonna do?

_________________________________

I mean, you've been

around here a long time,

_________________________________

and I really mean a long time.

_________________________________

Ahem. (HUMMING)

_________________________________

It might be difficult

for someone of your age

_________________________________

adjusting to life in the private sector.

_________________________________

Hey, Kronk, can you top me off, pal?

Be a friend? Ha, ha.

_________________________________

(YZMA MUTTERING)

_________________________________

KUZCO: Now,

about you finding new work...

_________________________________

(COUGHING) Hit him on the head.

_________________________________

KUZCO: That's gonna be tough.

_________________________________

More broccoli?

_________________________________

Because you're... You know.

_________________________________

Let's face it. You're no spring chicken,

_________________________________

and I mean that

in the best possible way.

_________________________________

What? A llama?

_________________________________

He's supposed to be dead!

_________________________________

Yeah, weird.

_________________________________

Let me see that vial.

_________________________________

This isn't poison.

_________________________________

This is extract of llama.

Ugh!

_________________________________

You know, in my defense,

your poisons all look alike.

_________________________________

You might think about

relabeling some of them.

_________________________________

Take him out of town

and finish the job now!

_________________________________

What about dinner?

_________________________________

Kronk, this is kind of important.

_________________________________

How about dessert?

_________________________________

Well, I suppose there's time for dessert.

_________________________________

And coffee?

_________________________________

All right. A quick cup of coffee.

_________________________________

Then take him out of town

and finish the job!

_________________________________

(KRONK SCATTING)

_________________________________

(SINGING) Cha cha cha cha

_________________________________

KUZCO: Guess where I am right now.
_________________________________

Uh-huh. In the bag.
_________________________________

Still think I'm not the victim here?

Watch. It gets better.
_________________________________

Hey! (SCATTING)
_________________________________

KUZCO: Ugh,

he's doing his own theme music?

_________________________________

(HOLDING NOTE)

_________________________________

(CONTINUES SCATTING)

_________________________________

Big, dumb, and tone deaf.
_________________________________

I am so glad

I was unconscious for all of this.

_________________________________
(KRONK GRUNTS)

_________________________________

Mission accomplished.

_________________________________

KRONK'S ANGEL: You're not

just gonna let him die like that, are you?

_________________________________

My shoulder angel.

_________________________________

KRONK'S DEVIL:

Don't listen to that guy.

_________________________________

He's trying to lead you

down the path of righteousness.

_________________________________

I'm gonna lead you

down the path that rocks.

_________________________________

-Oh, come off it.

-You come off it!

_________________________________

-You.

-You.

_________________________________

-You.

-You infinity.

_________________________________

Uhh!

_________________________________

Listen up, big guy.

_________________________________

I got three good reasons why

you should just walk away.

_________________________________

Number one... Look at that guy!

_________________________________

He's got that sissy stringy music thing.

_________________________________

We've been through this.

It's a harp, and you know it.

_________________________________

Oh, right. That's a harp...

_________________________________

And that's a dress.

_________________________________

Robe!

_________________________________

Reason number 2.

_________________________________

Look what I can do.

(CHUCKLES)

_________________________________

But, what does that

have to do with anything?

_________________________________

No, no. He's got a point.

_________________________________

Listen, you guys.

_________________________________

You're sort of confusing me, so begone!

_________________________________

Uh, or, uh, you know.

However I get rid of you guys.

_________________________________

That'll work.

_________________________________

KUZCO: Um,

what's with the chimp and the bug?

_________________________________

Can we get back to me?

_________________________________

Oh, boy. Think, think, think.

_________________________________

What to do, what to do?

What do we do with the body?

_________________________________

(SIGHS)

_________________________________

What am I gonna tell the village?

_________________________________

Come on, Kronky.

Come on, Kronky. Okay.

_________________________________

What do I do? What do I do?

_________________________________

-Aah!

-(YOWLING)

_________________________________

KRONK: Back! Elbow! Shoulder!

_________________________________

-Ugh!

-(MEOWS)

_________________________________

(GROANS)

_________________________________

(GASPS)

_________________________________

Oh, hey! Hey, you!

Hey! Excuse me. Excuse me.

_________________________________

Stop! Pardon me. Excuse me.

Sorry about that.

_________________________________

Comin' through. Hey, you with the cart!

_________________________________

Uh-oh!

_________________________________

This is not good.

_________________________________

Uhh. Hope that doesn't come back

to haunt me.

_________________________________

(GASPS)

_________________________________

TIPO: Mom, Mom!

I think I'm still growing!

_________________________________

Measure me again!

_________________________________

CHICHA: (LAUGHS) All right, Tipo.

Stand still and let's see.

_________________________________

Mom, you and I both know

that it's impossible for him

_________________________________

-to have grown in the last five minutes.

-Mmm! Mmm!

_________________________________

Isn't it?

_________________________________

(GASPS) Look how much you've grown!

_________________________________

What? Tipo, get out of the way.

It's my turn again. Measure me.

_________________________________

Dad's home!

_________________________________

(CHILDREN LAUGHING)

_________________________________

Hey! (LAUGHING)

_________________________________

PACHA: Come here.

_________________________________

(ALL LAUGHING)

_________________________________

Dad! I ate a bug today!

_________________________________

Oh! Was Mom baking again?

_________________________________

Heh. Don't tell her I said that.

_________________________________

CHICHA: I heard that.

_________________________________

Okay, everybody, move aside.

_________________________________

Lady with a baby comin' through.

_________________________________

Dad, Dad, Dad! Look at how big I am!

_________________________________

We were all measured today.

_________________________________

Oh.

_________________________________

I'm going through a growth spurt.

_________________________________

I'm as big as you were

when you were me.

_________________________________

Mmm-hmm. Sure are.

_________________________________

That's not as impressive

as my loose tooth. See?

_________________________________

Okay, okay, you two.

_________________________________

Our deal was that you could stay awake

until Daddy came home.

_________________________________

Now say good night.

_________________________________

BOTH: Dad, do we have to?

_________________________________

(WHIMPERING)

_________________________________

No, you two can stay up.

_________________________________

We're just gonna be sittin'

here tellin' each other

_________________________________

how much we love each other.

_________________________________

Right, honey? (COOS)

_________________________________

-Ew!

-Blecch!

_________________________________

-BOTH: Good night.

-(BOTH LAUGHING)

_________________________________

So what did the emperor want?

_________________________________

Ahem.

_________________________________

You know what? He couldn't see me.

_________________________________

-Couldn't see you? Why not?

-I don't know.

_________________________________

Well, that's just rude.

_________________________________

Well, he is the emperor.

I'm sure he's busy.

_________________________________

No, no, no, no. No.

_________________________________

Emperor or no emperor,

it's called common courtesy.

_________________________________

Honey...

_________________________________

If that were me,

I'd march right back there

_________________________________

and demand to see him,

and you know I would.

_________________________________

Sweetie, sweetie, think of the baby.

_________________________________

Pacha, I'm fine.

This baby's not coming for a while,

_________________________________

but even if it was,

I'd give that guy a piece of my mind.

_________________________________

That kind of behavior just...

_________________________________

Uhh! (SNARLS)

_________________________________

I gotta go wash something.

_________________________________

Pacha? You okay?

_________________________________

Hmm?

_________________________________

Oh, yeah.

I'm just a little tired from the trip.

_________________________________

Um...

_________________________________

I'm gonna go put Misty away.

_________________________________

(LAUGHS)

_________________________________

Hi. Excuse me.

_________________________________

Two seconds here.

_________________________________

Um, I'm the one in the cart. Remember?

_________________________________

This story's about me, not him.

_________________________________

Okay. You got it? All right.

_________________________________

We're gonna move ahead.

Sorry to slow you down.

_________________________________

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

_________________________________

Huh?

_________________________________

Whoa!

_________________________________

Uh. Oh...

_________________________________

Where'd you come from, little guy?

_________________________________

No touchy.

_________________________________

Aah! Demon llama!

_________________________________

Demon llama? Where?

_________________________________

-Aah!

-Aah!

_________________________________

(PANTING)

_________________________________

Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, no!

_________________________________

Ow! My head.

_________________________________

Okay, demon llama. Just take it easy.

_________________________________

I mean you no harm.

_________________________________

What are you talking about...

_________________________________

Oh, wait. I know you.

_________________________________

You're that whiny peasant.

_________________________________

(GASPS) Emperor Kuzco?

_________________________________

Yeah. Who do you think

you were talkin' to?

_________________________________

Uh. How did... Um.

_________________________________

You don't...

_________________________________

Look like the emperor.

_________________________________

What do you mean

I don't look like the emperor?

_________________________________

Uh... Oh...

_________________________________

Do this...

_________________________________

What is this, some kind of little game

you country folk like to...

_________________________________

(GASPS) It can't be! Aah!

_________________________________

Aah! Aah!

_________________________________

My face! Aah!

My beautiful, beautiful face!

_________________________________

-Okay, okay, okay.

-I'm an ugly, stinky llama!

_________________________________

Wait, okay, Your Majesty.

_________________________________

-Llama face!

-(SHUSHING)

_________________________________

What happened?

_________________________________

I'm tryin' to figure that out, okay?

_________________________________

(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

_________________________________

I can't remember.

I can't remember anything.

_________________________________

Wait a minute.

_________________________________

I remember you.

_________________________________

I remember telling you

that I was building my pool

_________________________________

where your house was,

and then you got mad at me.

_________________________________

Oh!

_________________________________

And you turned me into a llama!

_________________________________

What? No, I did not.

_________________________________

Yes, and then you kidnapped me.

_________________________________

Why would I kidnap a llama?

_________________________________

I have no idea.

You're the criminal mastermind, not me.

_________________________________

What?

_________________________________

Hmm. You're right.

That's giving you way too much credit.

_________________________________

Okay. I have to get back to the palace.

_________________________________

Yzma's got that "secret lab."

_________________________________

I'll just snap my fingers

and order her to change me back.

_________________________________

Hey, you. No time to waste. Let's go.

_________________________________

Hey, tiny, I want to get out of this body.

Wouldn't you? Now let's go.

_________________________________

Build your summerhouse

somewhere else.

_________________________________

You want to run that by me again?

_________________________________

I can't let you go back

unless you change your mind

_________________________________

and build your summer

home somewhere else.

_________________________________

Hmm. I got a little secret for you.

Come here. No, closer.

_________________________________

I don't make deals with peasants!

_________________________________

Then I guess I can't take you back.

_________________________________

Fine. I don't need you.

_________________________________

I can find my own way back.

_________________________________

I wouldn't recommend it.

_________________________________

It's a little dangerous

if you don't know the way.

_________________________________

Nice try, pal.

_________________________________

No, really. I'm telling you,

there are jaguars and snakes

_________________________________

(HUMMING)

_________________________________

-and quicksand.

-I'm not listening.

_________________________________

I'm not kidding.

Listen, you cannot go in there.

_________________________________

(HUMMING) Oh. Heh.

_________________________________

(SING-SONG) Still not listening.

_________________________________

Ah, you...

_________________________________

Fine. Fine.

_________________________________

Go ahead!

_________________________________

If there's no Kuzco,

there's no Kuzcotopia.

_________________________________

Takes care of my problem.

_________________________________

Hmm.

_________________________________

(KUZCO LAUGHS)

_________________________________

Scary jungle. Right.

_________________________________

Oh, a leaf. Oh, it might attack me.

_________________________________

Oh! It's a scary tree.

_________________________________

(HIGH VOICE) I'm afraid. Ha ha.

_________________________________

Please. Never find my way?

I'm the emperor, and as such,

_________________________________

I'm born with an innate

sense of direction.

_________________________________

Okay, where am I?

_________________________________

(BUZZING)

_________________________________

(GASPS) What...

_________________________________

Help me! Help me!

_________________________________

Help me! Ohh!

_________________________________

-(CRUNCHING)

-Uhh.

_________________________________

FLY: Too late.

_________________________________

Okay, that was the freakiest thing

I've ever seen.

_________________________________

-(RUSTLING)

-(GASPS)

_________________________________

(ROARING)

_________________________________

Aah!

_________________________________
(GROWLS) What do you want?

_________________________________

(CHATTERING)

_________________________________

Oh, for me?

_________________________________

Why, I don't know what to say.

_________________________________

(LAUGHING)

_________________________________

Ow!

_________________________________

Hit the road, Bucky.

_________________________________

(MUTTERS)

_________________________________

(BLOWS RASPBERRY)

_________________________________

Aah! Ow!

_________________________________

Huh?

_________________________________

Huh?

_________________________________

(SNORING)

_________________________________

KUZCO: Huh?

_________________________________

Uh-oh.

_________________________________

(CHATTERS)

_________________________________

-No, no. No, no, no, no.

-(CHATTERS)

_________________________________

No, no. No, don't.

_________________________________

(CHATTERS)

_________________________________

(LOUD POP)

_________________________________

Ha! (GASPS)

_________________________________

(ROARING)

_________________________________
(SCREAMING)

_________________________________

No!

_________________________________

(SCREAMING)

_________________________________

(ROARS)

_________________________________

Aah!

_________________________________
(ROARING)

_________________________________

(MEOWS)

_________________________________

You killer jaguars...

_________________________________

Whoa!

_________________________________

(PACHA YELLING)

_________________________________

Aah!

_________________________________

(GROWLING)

_________________________________

(KUZCO SCREAMING)

_________________________________

Don't worry, Your Highness. I gotcha.

You're safe now.

_________________________________

Maybe I'm just new

to this whole rescuing thing,

_________________________________

but this, to me,

_________________________________

might be considered

kind of a step backwards,

_________________________________

-wouldn't you say?

-No, no, no. It's okay.

_________________________________

This is all right.

_________________________________

We can figure this out.

_________________________________

I hate you.

_________________________________

No!

_________________________________

KUZCO: Aah! Ow!

_________________________________

(BOTH SCREAMING)

_________________________________

(BOTH GURGLING)

_________________________________

KUZCO: Whoo-hoo-hoo!

_________________________________

Aah! Ow!

_________________________________

Ow!

_________________________________
Uhh!

_________________________________

(BOTH COUGH)

_________________________________

(SPITS)

_________________________________

I don't know about you,

but I'm getting all funned out.

_________________________________

Uh-oh.

_________________________________

Don't tell me.

We're about to go over a huge waterfall.

_________________________________

-Yep.

-Sharp rocks at the bottom?

_________________________________

Most likely.

_________________________________

Bring it on.

_________________________________

Boo-yah!

_________________________________

Whoo!

_________________________________

(GASPING)

_________________________________

(GASPS)

_________________________________

(INHALES)

_________________________________

(SIGHS)

_________________________________

Your Highness.

_________________________________

Your Highness, can you hear me?

_________________________________

Oh, boy. Come on, breathe.

_________________________________

Breathe!

_________________________________

Ohh. Why me?

_________________________________

Ugh!

_________________________________

All right.

_________________________________

(INHALES)

_________________________________

-Ohh!

-Aah!

_________________________________

(BOTH SPITTING)

_________________________________

-Ohh!

-Ohh!

_________________________________

(GARGLING)

_________________________________

For the last time, it was not a kiss.

_________________________________

Well, whatever you call it...

_________________________________

(SPITS) It was disgusting.

_________________________________

And if you would've done what

I ordered you to do in the first place,

_________________________________

we all could've been spared

your little kiss of life.

_________________________________

PACHA: Aw!

_________________________________

But now that you're here,

you will take me back to the palace.

_________________________________

I'll have Yzma change me back,

_________________________________

and then I'll start construction

on Kuzcotopia.

_________________________________

Oh, yeah.

_________________________________

Okay, now, look,

I think we got off on the wrong foot here.

_________________________________

Mmm-hmm.

_________________________________

I just think if you really thought about it,

_________________________________

you'd decide to build your home

on a different hilltop.

_________________________________

And why would I do that?

_________________________________

Because...

_________________________________

Deep down, I think you'll realize

_________________________________

that you're forcing an entire village

out of their homes just for you.

_________________________________

And that's...

_________________________________

Bad?

_________________________________

(LAUGHING) Well, yeah.

_________________________________

Nobody's that heartless.

_________________________________

Mmm.

_________________________________

Now take me back.

_________________________________

What? Wait, wait.

How can you be this way?

_________________________________
All you care about

is building your summer home

_________________________________

and filling it with stuff for you.

_________________________________

Uh, yeah. Doy. Me.

_________________________________

Everyone else in the kingdom gets it.

_________________________________

You're the only one that doesn't

seem to be with the program,

_________________________________

eh, Pacha?

_________________________________

You know what? Someday,

you're going to wind up all alone,

_________________________________

and you'll have no one

to blame but yourself.

_________________________________

Thanks for that. I'll log that away.

_________________________________

Now, for the final time, I order you

to take me back to the palace.

_________________________________

Looks to me like you're stuck out here,

_________________________________

because unless you change your mind,

I'm not taking you back.

_________________________________

(IMITATES PACHA) Because unless

you change your mind,

_________________________________

I'm not taking you back.

_________________________________

Me, me, me.

Moo, moo, moo.

_________________________________

Huh? What?

I didn't do anything. I didn't...

_________________________________

Somebody's throwing stuff.

_________________________________

You going to build a fire or what?

What's going on?

_________________________________

(SIGHS)

He's never going to change his mind.

_________________________________

(SIGHS)

How am I ever going to get out of here?

_________________________________

(SHIVERING)

_________________________________

YZMA: And so, it is with great sadness

_________________________________

that we mourn the sudden departure

of our beloved prince...

_________________________________

(SOBBING)

_________________________________

Taken from us so tragically

_________________________________

on the very eve of his 18th birthday.

_________________________________

Poor little guy.

_________________________________

His legacy will live on in our hearts...

_________________________________

He never had a chance.

_________________________________

For all eternity.

_________________________________

(SNIFFLES)

_________________________________

Well, he ain't gettin' any deader.

_________________________________

Back to work.

_________________________________

Kronk, darlin',

_________________________________

I must admit you had me worried

when you mixed up those poisons,

_________________________________

but now that Kuzco is dead,

all is forgiven.

_________________________________

Oh, yeah, yeah. He's...

_________________________________

He's dead, all right.

(CHUCKLES)

_________________________________

I mean, you can't get much deader

than he... than he is right now.

_________________________________

Unless, of course, we killed him again.

_________________________________

I suppose.

_________________________________

Hey, look, the royal dresser's here.

_________________________________

Kronk...

_________________________________

I should tell you right now

I'm kind of hard to fit.

_________________________________

Kronk...

_________________________________

I wear a 66 long and a 31 waist.

_________________________________

-Ahh!

-Kuzco is dead, right?

_________________________________

Tell me Kuzco's dead.

_________________________________

I need to hear these words.

_________________________________

Do you need to hear

all those words exactly?

_________________________________

He's still alive?

_________________________________

Well, he's not as dead

as we would've hoped.

_________________________________

Kronk...

_________________________________

I just thought I'd give you the heads-up

in case Kuzco ever came back.

_________________________________

He can't come back!

_________________________________

Yeah. That would be kind of awkward,

especially after that lovely eulogy.

_________________________________

You think?

_________________________________

You and I are going out to find him.

If he talks, we are through!

_________________________________

Now let's move!

_________________________________

Dad, look out!

_________________________________

(PANTING)

_________________________________

Tipo, what is it?

_________________________________

I had a dream that Dad was tied to a log

_________________________________

and was careening out of control

down a raging river of death!

_________________________________

-(PANTING)

-All right, all right, it's okay.

_________________________________

-It was awful!

-It's okay, it's okay. Tipo, calm down.

_________________________________

It was just a dream.

_________________________________

Your dad's fine.

He just went back to see the emperor.

_________________________________

Oh.

_________________________________

Like you told him to,

'cause you're always right.

_________________________________

That's right.

_________________________________

Well, in my dream,

Dad had to kiss a llama.

_________________________________

Yeah, like that would ever happen.

_________________________________

-It could.

-Nuh-uh.

_________________________________

-Yeah-huh.

-Nuh-uh.

_________________________________

Yeah-huh.

_________________________________

(BICKERING)

_________________________________

Good night, you two.

_________________________________

BOTH: Night, Mom!

_________________________________

(CONTINUE BICKERING)

_________________________________

(SCREECHING)

_________________________________

(EXHALES)

_________________________________

(COUGHS)

_________________________________

Brr!

_________________________________
KUZCO: Uh, hey.

_________________________________

Thanks.

_________________________________

Oh.

_________________________________

No problem.

_________________________________
Feels like wool.

_________________________________

Yeah.

_________________________________

Alpaca?

_________________________________

Oh, yeah, it is.

_________________________________

Oh, yeah, I thought so.

_________________________________

It's nice.

_________________________________

My wife made it.

_________________________________

Oh, she knits?

_________________________________

Crochets.

_________________________________

Crochets? Nice.

_________________________________

Thanks.

_________________________________

(CROAKING)

_________________________________

So...

_________________________________

So, I was thinking that

when I got back to the city,

_________________________________

we'd...

_________________________________

I mean, there's lots of hilltops,

and maybe I might, you know...

_________________________________

I might...

_________________________________

Are you saying...

_________________________________

You've changed your mind?

_________________________________

Oh, well, I...

_________________________________

Because you know that means you're

doing something nice for someone else.

_________________________________

No, I know that. I know.

_________________________________

And you're all right with that?

_________________________________

Yes.

_________________________________

What?

_________________________________

Don't shake unless you mean it.

_________________________________

All right.

_________________________________

Let's get you back to the palace.

_________________________________

Oh, by the way, thanks.

_________________________________

No...

_________________________________

Thank you.

_________________________________

PACHA: Okay.

Once we cross this bridge,

_________________________________

it's only an hour to the palace.

_________________________________

Good, because believe it or not,

I think I need a bath.

_________________________________

I believe it.

_________________________________

-What was that?

-Nothing.

_________________________________

Ohh!

_________________________________

Whoa!

_________________________________

Kuzco!

_________________________________

Kuzco!

_________________________________

-Yeah?

-Quick, help me up!

_________________________________

No. I don't think I will.

_________________________________

You're going to leave me here?

_________________________________
Well, I was going to have

you imprisoned for life,

_________________________________

but I kind of like this better.

_________________________________

I thought you were a changed man.

_________________________________

Oh, come on. I had to say something

to get you to take me back to the city.

_________________________________

So all of it was a lie?

_________________________________

Well, yeah. No, wait.

_________________________________

Uh, yeah, yeah. It all was a lie.

_________________________________

Toodles.

_________________________________

We shook hands on it!

_________________________________

(ECHOING)

_________________________________

You know, the funny thing

about shaking hands is...

_________________________________

You need hands.

_________________________________

Ha. Okay. Buh-bye.

_________________________________

Ah!

_________________________________

Are you okay? Are you all right?

_________________________________

Yeah. Yeah. I think I'm all right.

_________________________________

Good!

_________________________________

That's for going back on your promise!

_________________________________

(YELLS)

_________________________________

Yeah. That's for kidnapping me

and taking me to your village...

_________________________________

Which I'm still gonna destroy,

by the way. (LAUGHS)

_________________________________

No touchy.

_________________________________

Ohh!

_________________________________

Why did I risk my life

for a selfish brat like you?

_________________________________

I was always taught that there

was some good in everyone,

_________________________________

but, oh, you proved me wrong.

_________________________________

Oh, boo-hoo.

Now I feel really bad. Bad llama.

_________________________________

I could've let you die

out there in that jungle,

_________________________________

and then all my problems

would be over.

_________________________________

Well, that makes you ugly and stupid.

_________________________________

Let's end this.

_________________________________

Ladies first.

_________________________________

-(BELL DINGS)

-Aah!

_________________________________

(BOTH YELLING)

_________________________________

(BOTH GRUNTING)

_________________________________

(HONKS)

_________________________________

(ROPE SNAPS)

_________________________________

Ohh!

_________________________________

(BOTH SCREAMING)

_________________________________

BOTH: Ow! Ow!

_________________________________

-Whoa!

-Ohh!

_________________________________

(ALLIGATORS ROARING)

_________________________________

KUZCO: What are we gonna do?

_________________________________

Aah!

_________________________________
What are we gonna do?

We're gonna die!

_________________________________

We're gonna die! That's it for me!

_________________________________

No, we're not. Calm down.

_________________________________

I have an idea. Give me your arm.

_________________________________

Okay, now the other one.

_________________________________

When I say go, push against my back,

_________________________________

and we'll walk up the hill. Ready?

_________________________________

Go.

_________________________________

Ow! You did that on purpose.

_________________________________

-Aah!

-No, I didn't!

_________________________________

Now, we're gonna have to work together

to get out of this, so follow my lead.

_________________________________

Ready?

_________________________________

-Right foot.

-Whose right?

_________________________________

Your right or mine?

_________________________________

I don't care. Mine.

_________________________________

Well, why yours?

_________________________________

Okay, your right! Ready?

_________________________________

-Okay, got it.

-Okay, right.

_________________________________

Left. Right.

_________________________________

(LAUGHS) Look, we're moving!

_________________________________

Aah!

_________________________________

Don't look down! Now, stay with me.

Stay with me.

_________________________________

Right. Left.

_________________________________

Right. Left.

_________________________________

Right. Left.

_________________________________

Right!

_________________________________

Now what, genius?

_________________________________

Working on it.

_________________________________

Okay, here's the deal.

_________________________________

Stretch out your neck,

and I'll grab the rope.

_________________________________

How do I know you won't let me fall

after you grab the rope?

_________________________________

You're just gonna have to trust me!

_________________________________

(PANTING)

_________________________________

You know, it's a good thing

you're not a big, fat guy,

_________________________________
or this would be really difficult.

_________________________________

(KUZCO GROANING)

_________________________________

Almost.

_________________________________

Got it!

_________________________________

It's stuck.

_________________________________

Take your time. No hurry here.

_________________________________

Scorpions! (YELLING)

_________________________________

Kuzco!

_________________________________

Aah!

_________________________________

Oh, no!

_________________________________

(SCREAMING)

_________________________________

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

_________________________________

Huh?

_________________________________

(SCREAMING)

_________________________________

Whoa!

_________________________________

(BOTH LAUGH)

_________________________________

-(RUMBLING)

-Huh?

_________________________________

Look out!

_________________________________

PACHA: Ohh.

_________________________________

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

Ooh, look at me and my bad self.

_________________________________

I snatched you right out of the air.

_________________________________

"Ooh, I'm a crumbly canyon wall,

and I'm taking you with me."

_________________________________

Well, not today, pal. Uh-huh.

_________________________________

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

_________________________________

You just saved my life.

_________________________________

Huh?

_________________________________

So?

_________________________________

-I knew it.

-Knew what?

_________________________________

That there is some good in you after all.

_________________________________

-Oh, no.

-Admit it.

_________________________________

-Wrong.

-Yes, there is.

_________________________________

-Nuh-huh.

-I think there is.

_________________________________

-Nuh-huh.

-Hey, you could've let me fall.

_________________________________

Come on, what's the big deal?

Nobody's that heartless.

_________________________________

(GASPS)

_________________________________

Don't read too much into it.

It was a one-time thing.

_________________________________

Right. Sure.

_________________________________

PACHA: Well, we better get going.

_________________________________

With that bridge out,

it's a four-day walk to the palace.

_________________________________

What?

You mean you're still taking me back?

_________________________________

I shook on it, didn't I?

_________________________________

Well, yeah, but I hope you realize

that doesn't change a thing.

_________________________________

I'm still building Kuzcotopia

when I get back.

_________________________________

Well, four days is a long time.

_________________________________

Who knows?

Maybe you'll change your mind.

_________________________________

Uh-huh.

_________________________________

Four days.

_________________________________

What are the chances

of you carrying me?

_________________________________

Not good.

_________________________________

YZMA: No, no, no!

_________________________________

We've searched every village

surrounding the palace

_________________________________

and still no sign of Kuzco.

_________________________________

Where is he?

_________________________________

Kronk!

_________________________________

Kronk here.

_________________________________

I'm getting tired. Pull over.

_________________________________

Sure thing. Kronk out.

_________________________________

Ooh! Aah!

_________________________________

Aah! Ohh!

_________________________________

(STRAINING)

_________________________________

Perfect.

_________________________________

These are my best shoes.

_________________________________

I hate this jungle.

_________________________________

(INSECTS BUZZING)

_________________________________

Oh, look.

_________________________________

A golden-throated

small-winged warbler.

_________________________________

-Just one more for exotic bird bingo.

-Ahh!

_________________________________

-I am loving this.

-Ahh!

_________________________________

(GASPING)

_________________________________

(CHATTERS)

_________________________________

Get away from me!

_________________________________

(CHATTERS)

_________________________________

Yeah. Tell me about it.

_________________________________

(CHATTERS)

_________________________________

No, no, it's not you.

_________________________________

She's not the easiest person

to get close to.

_________________________________

There's a wall there. Trust me.

_________________________________

Are you talking to that squirrel?

_________________________________

I was a Junior Chipmunk.

_________________________________

I had to be versed in

all the woodland creatures.

_________________________________

Please continue.

_________________________________

(CHATTERS)

_________________________________

Aah! Why me? Why me?

_________________________________

Hey, it doesn't always

have to be about you.

_________________________________

This poor little guy has had it rough.

_________________________________

Seems a talking llama

gave him a hard time the other day.

_________________________________

Oh.

_________________________________

A talking llama? Do tell.

(LAUGHING)

_________________________________

(CHATTERS)

_________________________________

Uh, he doesn't really want to talk to you.

_________________________________

Well, then you ask him.

_________________________________

(SIGHS) I hate being in the middle.

_________________________________

Squeaky,

_________________________________

squeak, squeaker, squeakin'.

_________________________________

(CHATTERS)

_________________________________

Jaguars? No kidding? Brutal.

_________________________________

(CHATTERS)

_________________________________

Uh, could you give us a little room here?

_________________________________

Oh, sorry.

_________________________________

(CHATTERS)

_________________________________

A little bit more, please.

_________________________________

How is this?

_________________________________

Yeah, that's good.

_________________________________

Now ask him which way

the talking llama went!

_________________________________

Squeakity-squeak, squeakin'.

_________________________________

(CHATTERS)

_________________________________

Low blood sugar, huh?

_________________________________

Yeah. It's a curse.

_________________________________

Well, as soon as we get

something to eat,

_________________________________

you're walking the rest of the way.

_________________________________

(SIGHS) Welcome to Mudka's Meat Hut,

home of the mug...

_________________________________

(GIGGLING)

_________________________________

-Of meat. What'll it be?

-Ahem.

_________________________________

We'll have two specials.

Is that all right, dear?

_________________________________

Oh, whatever you say, pumpkin.

You know what I like.

_________________________________

(GIGGLES)

_________________________________

We're on our honeymoon.

_________________________________

Bless you for coming out in public.

_________________________________

So that's two specials.

_________________________________

And an onion log. To split.

_________________________________

(GIGGLES)

_________________________________

Ordering! I need two heartburns

and a deep-fried doorstop on table 12!

_________________________________

(BOTH LAUGHING)

_________________________________

PACHA: Okay,

so I'll admit this was a good idea.

_________________________________

When will you learn

that all my ideas are good ones?

_________________________________

That's funny,

_________________________________

because I thought you going

into the jungle by yourself,

_________________________________

being chased by jaguars,

_________________________________

lying to me

to take you back to the palace

_________________________________

were all really bad ideas.

_________________________________

Oh, yeah, anything sounds bad

when you say it with that attitude.

_________________________________

Hot and crispy pill bug

for the happy couple.

_________________________________

Mazel tov.

_________________________________

(SNIFFS)

_________________________________

Oh, boy. (SLURPING)

_________________________________

Ooh. Ugh.

_________________________________

PACHA: Oh, here.

Let me get that for you.

_________________________________

(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)

_________________________________

Where are you going?

_________________________________

I'm just going to slip into the kitchen

and have a word with the chef.

_________________________________

You're gonna get us thrown out.

_________________________________

Please. With this disguise, I'm invisible.

_________________________________

Heh.

_________________________________

We've been walking around in circles

for who knows how long.

_________________________________

That is the last time

we take directions from a squirrel.

_________________________________

I should have done away with Kuzco

myself when I had the chance.

_________________________________

(COUGHING)

_________________________________

Oh, you really gotta stop

beating yourself up about that.

_________________________________

KRONK: Uh-oh.

I'll get you another one there, Yzma.

_________________________________

-(GASPS)

-You using that fork there, pal?

_________________________________

Hey, don't I know you?

_________________________________

I don't think so.

_________________________________

-Wrestled you in high school?

-Don't remember that.

_________________________________

Metal shop? I got it!

_________________________________

Miss Narca's interpretive dance,

two semesters.

_________________________________

I was usually in the back

because of my weak ankles.

_________________________________

Come on, pal.

You gotta help me out here.

_________________________________

I don't think we've ever met,

but I gotta go.

_________________________________

Don't worry. I'll think of it.

_________________________________

Look, all I know is the food looked iffy.

_________________________________

I'm not the only one

that thinks that, I'm sure.

_________________________________

Psst. Hey!

_________________________________

So I'm just checking to make sure

_________________________________

you're going to take

the main course up a notch.

_________________________________

Is there anything on this menu

that is not swimming in gravy?

_________________________________

Hang on. I'll go ask the chef.

_________________________________

It's a simple question.

_________________________________

Is there or is there not anything edible

_________________________________

-on this menu?

-Gah!

_________________________________

(GASPS)

_________________________________

Hey, I didn't ask him about dessert yet!

_________________________________

Hey, pal, what's your policy

on making special orders?

_________________________________

All right, buster, that's it!

_________________________________

You want a special order,

then you make it! I quit!

_________________________________

Yeah, but I...

_________________________________

I try and I try, but there's no respect

for anyone with vision. That's it!

_________________________________

There's just nothing I can do about it!

_________________________________

Please don't go.

_________________________________

Three pork combos,

extra bacon on the side,

_________________________________

two chili cheese samplers,

a basket of liver and onion rings,

_________________________________

a catch of the day,

and a steak cut in the shape of a trout.

_________________________________

You got all that, honey?

_________________________________

Three oinkers wearing pants,

plate of hot air,

_________________________________

basket of grandma's breakfast,

and change the bull to a gill, got it.

_________________________________

What's going on?

_________________________________

No time to explain.

We gotta get out of here.

_________________________________

What is he doing in there?

_________________________________

Ugh.

_________________________________

-Come on!

-In a minute. I'm still hungry.

_________________________________

No, Kuzco!

_________________________________

Okay, I'll make it simple for you.

_________________________________

I'll have a spinach omelet

with wheat toast.

_________________________________

-You got it?

-Can do.

_________________________________

What's taking so long?

_________________________________

-(BELL DINGS) Pickup!

-Kronk! What are you doing?

_________________________________

-Kinda busy here.

-YZMA: Why am I not surprised?

_________________________________

Your order's up!

_________________________________

Ohh!

_________________________________

Oh, well, while you're at it,

_________________________________

make me the special.

And hold the gravy!

_________________________________

Check. Pickup!

_________________________________

You know what? On second thought,

make my omelet a meat pie.

_________________________________

KRONK: Meat pie. Check.

_________________________________

Kronk!

_________________________________

(SCREECHES)

_________________________________

Can I order the potatoes as a side dish?

_________________________________

-I'll have to charge you full price.

-Ooh!

_________________________________

Hey, how about a side

of potatoes, my buddy?

_________________________________

You got it.

Want cheese on those potatoes?

_________________________________

Thank you, Kronk. Cheddar will be fine.

_________________________________

-Cheddar spuds coming up.

-Spuds yes, cheese no.

_________________________________

-Hold the cheese.

-No, I want the cheese.

_________________________________

Cheese me no like.

_________________________________

-Cheese out.

-Cheese in!

_________________________________

Come on, make up your mind!

_________________________________

Okay, okay, on second thought...

_________________________________

BOTH: Make my potatoes a salad.

_________________________________

Excuse me.

You see that woman over there?

_________________________________

(WHISPERING)

_________________________________

No problem, hon.

We do that all the time.

_________________________________

WAITERS: One, two, three, four...

_________________________________
(SINGING) Happy, happy birthday

From all of us to you

_________________________________

We wish it was our birthday

So we could party, too

_________________________________

Happy, happy birthday

May all your dreams come true

_________________________________

Ho-ho-ho.

_________________________________

It's your birthday?

_________________________________

What are you doing?

_________________________________

Look, there's two people

in there looking for you.

_________________________________

-What?

-A big guy and a skinny old woman.

_________________________________

Wait. Was this woman

scary beyond all reason?

_________________________________

-Oh, yeah.

-That's Yzma and Kronk! I'm saved!

_________________________________

Trust me, they're not here to save you.

_________________________________

They'll take me back to the palace.

_________________________________

Thanks for your help.

You've been great.

_________________________________

I can take it from here.

_________________________________

You don't understand.

They're trying to kill you.

_________________________________

Kill me? Their whole world

revolves around me.

_________________________________

-No. I can't let you!

-What? Wha...

_________________________________

Oh, oh, I get it!

_________________________________

You don't want to take me

back to the palace.

_________________________________

You want to keep me

stranded out here forever.

_________________________________

No!

_________________________________

This has all been an act,

and I almost fell for it.

_________________________________

Will you just listen to me...

_________________________________

No, no, you listen to me.

All you care about is your stupid hilltop!

_________________________________

What?

_________________________________

You don't care about me.

Now, just get out of here.

_________________________________

-Go!

-But...

_________________________________

Go on! Get outta here!

_________________________________

Fine! Hmph!

_________________________________

-Oh, this entire mess is all your fault.

-What'd I do?

_________________________________

If you hadn't mixed up those poisons,

Kuzco would be dead now!

_________________________________

There'll be no more diversions until

we track that llama down and kill him!

_________________________________

Said I was sorry. Can't just let it go.

_________________________________

Not even on your birthday.

_________________________________

Kuzco must be eliminated.

_________________________________

The empire will finally be

rid of that useless slug.

_________________________________

KRONK: You got a point.

_________________________________

Nobody really seems to care

that he's gone, do they?

_________________________________

Pacha!

_________________________________

Pacha?

_________________________________

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

_________________________________

(THUNDER CRACKING)

_________________________________

KUZCO: So this is where you came in.
_________________________________

See, just like I said, I'm the victim here.
_________________________________

I didn't do anything,

and they ruined my life
_________________________________

and took everything I had.

_________________________________
Hey, give it a rest up there, will you?

_________________________________

What? I'm just telling them

what happened.

_________________________________

Who you kidding, pal?

_________________________________

They saw the whole thing,

they know what happened.

_________________________________

Well, yeah, but...

_________________________________

Just leave me alone.

_________________________________

(SNORING)

_________________________________

(GASPS) The peasant at the diner!

_________________________________

He didn't pay his check.

_________________________________

(SNORING)

_________________________________

He's the peasant

who I saw leaving the city

_________________________________

who disappeared into the crowd

with Kuzco on the back of his cart.

_________________________________

He must have taken him

back to his village,

_________________________________

so if we find the village, we find him,

and if we find him, we find Kuzco.

_________________________________

Oh, yeah, it's all comin' together.

_________________________________

-Yzma!

-What?

_________________________________

Aah!

_________________________________

This had better be good!

_________________________________

(SIGHS)

_________________________________

(SNIFFING)

_________________________________

(GULPS)

_________________________________

Yuck!

_________________________________

PACHA: So,

there we were standing on the cliff,

_________________________________

and the ground started to rumble.

_________________________________

And just as it started to go,

he grabbed me before I fell.

_________________________________

Do you believe that?

_________________________________

You know, call me crazy for following

this guy all the way out here,

_________________________________

but as much as he tries to deny it,

I know there's some good in him.

_________________________________

Besides, I couldn't just

leave him out here all alone.

_________________________________

He's a lousy llama.

_________________________________

I mean, a really lousy llama.

_________________________________

Hey, listen, Pacha, you know,

_________________________________

what I said to you back at the diner,

that, I didn't really...

_________________________________

So, you tired of being a llama?

_________________________________

(SNIFFLES) Yes!

_________________________________

(SNIFFS)

_________________________________

Okay, we're just gonna stop

at the house and get some supplies.

_________________________________

-Then we'll be on our way, right?

-Right.

_________________________________

Hey there, Pacha.

You just missed your relatives.

_________________________________

My relatives?

_________________________________

We just sent them up to your house.

_________________________________

What did they look like?

_________________________________

See, there was this big guy

and this older woman who was...

_________________________________

How would you describe her?

_________________________________

Scary beyond all reason.

_________________________________

Yeah, that's it.

_________________________________

So, remind me again

how you're related to Pacha?

_________________________________

Why, I'm his third cousin's brother's

wife's step-niece's great-aunt.

_________________________________

(CHUCKLES) Twice removed.

_________________________________

Uh-huh.

_________________________________

Isn't that right, Kronk?

_________________________________

Ninety-nine monkeys

jumpin' on the bed

_________________________________

One fell off and bumped his head

_________________________________

You know, I am so sorry

that you had to come all this way,

_________________________________

but as I said to you before,

_________________________________

you may recall, Pacha is not here.

_________________________________

I'll be sure and tell him you came by.

_________________________________

Oh, would you, please?

That would be just great.

_________________________________

Oops! (CHUCKLES)

_________________________________

Silly me.

_________________________________

No, no. Allow me.

_________________________________

She's hiding something.

_________________________________

When I give the word,

we search the house.

_________________________________

Okay, but I still have 94 monkeys to go.

_________________________________

Grr!

_________________________________

So, while we're waiting for Paca...

_________________________________

-Pacha.

-(LAUGHS) Oh, yes. Um...

_________________________________

Perhaps we can have a tour

of your lovely home.

_________________________________

You know, why don't you just come

back when Pacha gets home?

_________________________________

I'm sure he'd love to show you the...

_________________________________

(STAMMERS) Excuse me, won't you?

_________________________________

I think I left something in the oven.

_________________________________

This is my variation of double-dutch.

On the signal, we switch places.

_________________________________

-Kronk, it's time!

-Okay!

_________________________________

Grr!

_________________________________

So, we have to get back to the palace,

find the lab, and change him back.

_________________________________

-Hi there!

-Aah!

_________________________________

-Um, that was him.

-Whoops.

_________________________________

You know what?

_________________________________

I don't believe

you're really my great-aunt.

_________________________________

You're more like my great-great-great...

_________________________________

Go. I'll stall them long enough

for you two to get a head start.

_________________________________

Thanks, honey.

_________________________________

You have a lovely wife.

They're both very pretty.

_________________________________

-Great-great-great...

-Grr.

_________________________________

All right! Are you through?

_________________________________

-Great-great-aunt.

-So, where were we?

_________________________________

Listen, sister, we're not leaving until...

_________________________________

I show you the house. Of course.

_________________________________

Was it a good idea to leave

your family with those two?

_________________________________

Oh, don't worry.

They can handle themselves.

_________________________________

What do you mean, the door is stuck?

Try jiggling the handle.

_________________________________

YZMA: There is no handle in here.

_________________________________

There's not? Are you sure?

_________________________________

All right, I've had enough of this.

_________________________________

Tell us where the talking llama is and

we'll burn your house to the ground.

_________________________________

-Uh, don't you mean "or"?

-(SIGHS)

_________________________________

Tell us where the talking llama is

or we'll burn your house to the ground.

_________________________________

Well, which is it?

_________________________________

That seems like

a pretty crucial conjunction.

_________________________________

That's it! Kronk, break the door down!

_________________________________

Break it down? Are you kidding me?

This is hand-carved mahogany.

_________________________________

I don't care, you fool. Get out of my way.

_________________________________

I'll break it down myself.

_________________________________

-YZMA: A-one...

-Okay, kids, you know what to do.

_________________________________

-Two...

-Right, Mom!

_________________________________

Three!

_________________________________

Aah!

_________________________________

Okay, children, on your mark,

get set, go!

_________________________________

Ow, ow!

Stop it, you little brats!

_________________________________

Huh?

_________________________________

YZMA: Ow!

_________________________________

Oh, there they go, Kronk!

They're getting away!

_________________________________

(LAUGHING)

_________________________________

Well, I had a great time.

_________________________________

Let's not wait until the next

family reunion to get together.

_________________________________

YZMA: Kronk!

_________________________________

I gotta run.

_________________________________

(THUNDER CRACKING)

_________________________________

(THUNDER)

_________________________________

Okay, why does she even

have that lever?

_________________________________

(YELPS)

_________________________________

SKULL: Please remain seated

_________________________________

and keep your arms

and legs in at all times.

_________________________________

PACHA: Aah!

_________________________________

Huh?

_________________________________

-What does it look like?

-I don't know. Just keep looking.

_________________________________
Over here!

_________________________________

It has to be one of these.

Lions, tigers, bears...

_________________________________

YZMA: Oh, my.

_________________________________

Looking for this?

_________________________________

No! It can't be!

_________________________________

-How did you get back here before us?

-Uh...

_________________________________

How did we, Kronk?

_________________________________

Well, you got me.

By all accounts, it doesn't make sense.

_________________________________

Oh, well, back to business.

_________________________________

(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

Okay, I admit it.

_________________________________

Maybe I wasn't as nice

as I should have been,

_________________________________

but, Yzma,

do you really want to kill me?

_________________________________

Just think of it as you're being let go,

_________________________________

that your life's going

in a different direction,

_________________________________

that your body's part of

a permanent outplacement.

_________________________________

Hey, that's kind of like what he said

to you when you got fired.

_________________________________

I know. It's called a cruel irony

like my dependence on you.

_________________________________

I can't believe this is happening!

_________________________________

Then I bet you weren't expecting this.

_________________________________

-No!

-Aah!

_________________________________

Ah-ha!

_________________________________

(SIGHS) Oh, okay.

_________________________________

(LAUGHS) Finish them off.

_________________________________

KRONK DEVIL: Hey, you're not

backing down now, are you, big guy?

_________________________________

Uh, where's the other guy?

_________________________________

Yo!

_________________________________

Sorry I'm late. So, what'd I miss?

_________________________________

Well, Yzma just tossed me this knife

_________________________________

and asked me to,

you know, take them out.

_________________________________

Then this guy popped up

and we waited for you,

_________________________________

and quite honestly...

_________________________________

Kronk! Why did I think

you could do this?

_________________________________

This one simple thing.

_________________________________

It's like I'm talking to a monkey.

_________________________________

Whoa! Now.

_________________________________

A really, really big

stupid monkey named Kronk!

_________________________________

Ouch.

_________________________________

And do you want to know

something else?

_________________________________

I've never liked your spinach puffs.

_________________________________

-(GASPS)

-Never!

_________________________________

(SOBS)

_________________________________

That's it. She's going down.

_________________________________

Now, now, remember, guys.

_________________________________

From above, the wicked shall

receive their just reward.

_________________________________

ALL: That'll work.

_________________________________

Strange. That usually works.

_________________________________

And so does this!

_________________________________

Ah, should have seen that coming.

_________________________________

Whoa!

_________________________________

Aah!

_________________________________

Give me that vial!

_________________________________

-Oof!

-Ah! Ha ha!

_________________________________

(YZMA YELLING)

_________________________________

Oops! Clumsy me.

_________________________________

YZMA: Which one? Which one?

_________________________________

-(ALARM SOUNDS)

-Better hurry. I'm expecting company.

_________________________________

Kill them! They murdered the emperor!

_________________________________

No, wait! I'm the emperor!

It's me... Kuzco!

_________________________________

They're not listening to me!

_________________________________

Just take 'em all!

_________________________________

(YELLING)

_________________________________

Get them!

_________________________________

Hey, I've been turned into a cow.

Can I go home?

_________________________________

You're excused. Anyone else?

_________________________________

ALL: No, we're good.

_________________________________

Get them!

_________________________________

We've gotta change you back.

Try this one.

_________________________________

Uh, Pacha? A little help!

_________________________________

(SCREECHES)

_________________________________

(YELLING)

_________________________________

Come on! Come on!

_________________________________

Aah!

_________________________________

(KUZCO SCREAMING)

_________________________________

Oh, please be something with wings.

_________________________________

(SCREECHING)

_________________________________

Yeah! We're flyin'!

_________________________________

Uh-oh.

_________________________________

(GRUNTS)

_________________________________

(GUARDS YELLING)

_________________________________

KUZCO: We're not getting anywhere

with you picking the vials.

_________________________________

-I'm picking the next one!

-Fine by me!

_________________________________

Give me that one!

_________________________________

Don't you say a word.

_________________________________

(BOTH SCREAMING)

_________________________________

Quick! Drain the canals!

_________________________________

Open up!

_________________________________

Yay! I'm a llama again!

_________________________________

Wait...

_________________________________

(BOTH SCREAMING)

_________________________________

(BOTH PANTING)

_________________________________

There they go! After them!

_________________________________

Come on, men!

Nobody lives forever! Charge!

_________________________________

(GUARDS SCREAMING)

_________________________________

Grr!

_________________________________

(SCREAMING)

_________________________________

Okay, only two left.

It's gotta be one of these.

_________________________________

-Aah!

-Ah!

_________________________________

No!

_________________________________

(DEMONIC LAUGHTER)

_________________________________

(MEOWS)

_________________________________
I'll take that.

_________________________________

This is the one.

This'll change you back to a human.

_________________________________

-Ow! Hey, get her off!

-(YOWLING)

_________________________________

-Get her off me!

-Ohh!

_________________________________

(YZMA YOWLING)

_________________________________

Aah! Ow!

_________________________________

(GROANS)

_________________________________

Drink the potion!

_________________________________

Okay, okay. (GASPS)

_________________________________

Where did it go? Where is it?

_________________________________

YZMA: (SQUEAKY) Looking for this?

_________________________________

Is that my voice? (COUGHS)

Is that my voice?

_________________________________

Oh, well.

_________________________________

No! Don't drop it!

_________________________________

I'm not going to drop it, you fool!

_________________________________

I'm going to drink it!

_________________________________

And once I turn back

into my beautiful self,

_________________________________

I'm going to kill you!

_________________________________

(LAUGHING)

_________________________________

(GRUNTING)

_________________________________

Aah!

_________________________________

Aah! Uh-oh!

_________________________________

(SCREAMING)

_________________________________

(GASPS)

_________________________________
Whoa!

_________________________________

(STRAINING)

_________________________________

Ohh!

_________________________________

Kuzco!

_________________________________

Be right there! Give me a minute!

_________________________________

(STRAINING)

_________________________________
Kuzco! Whoa!

_________________________________

Kuzco!

_________________________________

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

_________________________________

The vial!

_________________________________

For the last time,

we did not order a giant trampoline.

_________________________________

You know, pal, you could have told me

that before I set it up.

_________________________________

Aah!

_________________________________

Huh?

_________________________________

(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

_________________________________
PACHA: The vial!

_________________________________

You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

_________________________________

(LAUGHING)

_________________________________

-I win.

-Whoa!

_________________________________

Got it!

_________________________________

What are the odds of that

trapdoor leading me out here?

_________________________________

(BOTH LAUGHING)

_________________________________

(CLEARS THROAT)

_________________________________

Here, let me get this for you.

_________________________________

Well, see ya on the other side.

_________________________________

Now, you stop being so hard

on yourself. All is forgiven.

_________________________________

You're sure?

_________________________________

Oh, it's not the first time

I was tossed out a window,

_________________________________

and it won't be the last.

_________________________________

What can I say? I'm a rebel.

_________________________________

Whoa-ho-ho! Tiger.

_________________________________

Oh! Hey, I got to use that arm later.

_________________________________

Okay, buddy, take care.

_________________________________

(LAUGHING)

_________________________________

He's a sweet guy.

_________________________________

KUZCO: So, you lied to me.

_________________________________

-I did?

-Yeah.

_________________________________

You said when the sun hits this ridge

just right, these hills sing.

_________________________________

Well, pal, I was dragged

all over those hills,

_________________________________

and I did not hear any singing.

_________________________________

So...

_________________________________

I'll be building my summer home

on a more magical hill. Thank you.

_________________________________

Hmm. Couldn't pull the wool

over your eyes, huh?

_________________________________

No, no, I'm sharp, I'm on it.

_________________________________

Looks like you and your family

_________________________________

are stuck on that tuneless

hilltop forever, pal.

_________________________________

You know, I'm pretty sure I heard

some singing on the hill next to us.

_________________________________

In case you're interested.

_________________________________
(CHIRPING)

_________________________________

Ha!

_________________________________

Boom, baby!

_________________________________

Ha! Boom, baby!

_________________________________

THEME SONG GUY: (SINGING)

You'd be the coolest dude in the nation
_________________________________

Or the hippest cat in creation
_________________________________

But if you ain't got friends

then nothing's worth the fuss
_________________________________

A perfect world will come to be
_________________________________

When everybody here can see
_________________________________

That a perfect world begins and ends
_________________________________

A perfect world begins and ends
_________________________________

A perfect world begins

and ends with us

_________________________________

"My acorn is missing."

_________________________________

ALL: Squeak squeakin'

squeak squeakity.

_________________________________

"Did you eat the acorn?"

_________________________________

ALL: Squeaker

squeak squeak squeakin'?

_________________________________

"You owe me a new acorn."

_________________________________

ALL: Squeak squeak squeak squeak

squeaker...

_________________________________

Squeakin'.

_________________________________

I'm so proud of you guys.

_________________________________

(SINGING) In the quiet time of evening

1518 1h 0mn 23s 1223ms 4s 04ms

 When the stars assume their patterns

1519 1h 0mn 29s 1229ms 3s 03ms

 And the day has made his journey

1520 1h 0mn 35s 1235ms 3s 03ms

 And we wondered just what happened

1521 1h 0mn 40s 1240ms 2s 02ms

 To the life we knew

1522 1h 0mn 43s 1243ms 2s 02ms

 Before the world changed

1523 1h 0mn 46s 1246ms 2s 02ms

 When not a thing I had

1524 1h 0mn 49s 1249ms 2s 02ms

 Was true

1525 1h 0mn 54s 1254ms 2s 02ms

 But you were kind to me

1526 1h 0mn 57s 1257ms 2s 02ms

 And you reminded me

1527 1h 0mn 0s 130ms 4s 04ms

 That the world is not my playground

1528 1h 0mn 6s 136ms 4s 04ms

 There are other things that matter

1529 1h 0mn 12s 1312ms 3s 03ms

 And what is simple needs protecting

1530 1h 0mn 18s 1318ms 4s 04ms

 Or my illusions all would shatter

1531 1h 0mn 23s 1323ms 2s 02ms

 But you stayed

1532 1h 0mn 26s 1326ms 3s 03ms

 In my corner

1533 1h 0mn 30s 1330ms 4s 04ms

 The only world I know was upside-down

1534 1h 0mn 37s 1337ms 2s 02ms

 And now the world and me

1535 1h 0mn 40s 1340ms 2s 02ms

 We know you carry me

1536 1h 0mn 42s 1342ms 5s 05ms

 You see the patterns in the big sky

1537 1h 0mn 48s 1348ms 5s 05ms

 Those constellations look like you and I

1538 1h 0mn 54s 1354ms 4s 04ms

 Just like the patterns in the big sky

1539 1h 0mn 0s 140ms 4s 04ms

 We could be lost, we could refuse to try

1540 1h 0mn 5s 145ms 2s 02ms

 But we made it through

1541 1h 0mn 9s 149ms 2s 02ms

 In the dark night

1542 1h 0mn 12s 1412ms 4s 04ms

 Who would those lucky guys

turn out to be

1543 1h 0mn 19s 1419ms 1s 01ms

 But that unusual blend

1544 1h 0mn 22s 1422ms 3s 03ms

 Of my funny friend and me

1545 1h 0mn 31s 1431ms 3s 03ms

 I'm not as clever as I thought I was

1546 1h 0mn 36s 1436ms 4s 04ms

 I'm not the boy I used to be because

1547 1h 0mn 42s 1442ms 2s 02ms

 You show me somethin' different

1548 1h 0mn 44s 1444ms 2s 02ms

 You show me somethin' pure

1549 1h 0mn 48s 1448ms 4s 04ms

 I always seemed so certain

But I was really never sure

1550 1h 0mn 53s 1453ms 2s 02ms

 But you stayed

1551 1h 0mn 56s 1456ms 2s 02ms

 And you called my name

1552 1h 0mn 0s 150ms 4s 04ms

 When others would have

walked out on a lousy game

1553 1h 0mn 7s 157ms 2s 02ms

 And look who made it through

1554 1h 0mn 9s 159ms 2s 02ms

 But your funny friend and me

1555 1h 0mn 12s 1512ms 4s 04ms

 You see the patterns in the big sky

1556 1h 0mn 17s 1517ms 1s 01ms

 Yeah, yeah, yeah

1557 1h 0mn 18s 1518ms 4s 04ms

 Those constellations look like you and I

1558 1h 0mn 24s 1524ms 4s 04ms

 That tiny planet and the bigger guy

1559 1h 0mn 29s 1529ms 4s 04ms

 I don't know whether

I should laugh or cry

1560 1h 0mn 35s 1535ms 4s 04ms

 CHORUS: Just like

the patterns in the big sky

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 We'll be together

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 We'll be together till the end this time

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 You don't know, you don't know

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 Don't know the answer

or the reason why

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 We'll stick together

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 We'll stick together till the day we die

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 If I had to do this all a second time

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 I won't complain or make a fuss

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 Who would the angels send

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 But that unlikely blend

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 Of those two funny friends

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 That's us