Disney NeverEnding Chronology (Summer 2017 Part 2) - Subtitles (en)

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July 2017

_________________________________

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On a scale of one to ten,

_________________________________

 I give this day an F.

_________________________________

Well, why don't we quit standing

around and do something?

_________________________________

Like what, genius?

_________________________________

Like quitting. That's what I'm doing.

_________________________________

Sure it's the coward's way out.

_________________________________

But this coward's gonna survive.

_________________________________

Ow!

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(EXCLAIMING)

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DISGUST: Emotions can't quit, genius!

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Ugh! I thought we were supposed to

be keeping Riley happy.

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♪ First you find a can from a rusty van

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♪ Bump-bump

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♪ Quicker than a dart, make it into art

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♪ Bump-bump

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♪ That's the way it's done,
it's a lot of fun

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♪ Bump-bump

_________________________________

♪ Liftin' my funk,
makin' sculpture outta junk ♪

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-(CHUCKLES)
-(DEVICE BEEPING)

_________________________________

What's that? (SCOFFS) There we go!

_________________________________

Somebody's interrupting genius!

_________________________________

-(GASPS) Well, hey, there, buddy!

-(CHUCKLES) Mater!
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You know, I was just thinking of you

_________________________________

and here you are lookin' right at me!

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You see me okay? Hang on a second
there. Hold on. Let me see here.

_________________________________

-That better?
-(CHUCKLES)

_________________________________

Looking you straight

in the eye there, pal.

_________________________________

Hey, sorry about calling so late.

_________________________________

Shoot, not for me it's not.

_________________________________

I'm always burning that midnight oil.

_________________________________

So get me caught up on everything.

_________________________________

Well, actually kind of hoping

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I might hear what's going on back home.

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Not much. If you don't

count Sarge and Fillmore

_________________________________

tryin' to run the tire shop.

_________________________________

But tell Luigi not to worry,

Sarge is gonna track down...

_________________________________

every last tire
that Fillmore done gived away.

_________________________________

Other than that, everything's good.

_________________________________

-How's Sally?
-Oh, she's fine.

_________________________________

Keeping busy at the Cone.
She misses you.

_________________________________

Well, shoot! We all do

when you're on the road.

_________________________________

Yeah. You know, I've been

kind of thinking about that.

_________________________________

You know, what we should do

_________________________________

when I'm not on the road anymore.

_________________________________

What do you mean not on the road?

_________________________________

Well, you know.

_________________________________

Mater, I can't do this forever.

_________________________________

Huh?

_________________________________

I'm just not getting anywhere
with the training.

_________________________________

If anything,
I've gotten slower not faster.

_________________________________

Shoot, buddy, it'll work out.

_________________________________

Just tell me what the problem is...

_________________________________

and I'll stay right here

with you until we fix it.

_________________________________

That's just it, Mater. I don't know.

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And I feel like I'm all out of ideas.

_________________________________

Hmm.

_________________________________

All right, let me think.

Oh! You know what I'd do?

_________________________________

What?

_________________________________

I don't know. I got nothin'.

_________________________________

I guess I ain't Doc when it comes to that.

_________________________________

I would give anything
to talk to him right now.

_________________________________

Yep, there was nobody

smarter than old Doc.

_________________________________

Well, except for maybe

whoever taught him.

_________________________________

Yeah. Wait. What?

_________________________________

Everybody was taught

by somebody, right?

_________________________________

Take my cousin Doyle.

_________________________________

He taught me how to sing
and whistle at the same time.

_________________________________

He was very musical that way.

_________________________________

Smokey. Mater, you're brilliant.

_________________________________

Ah, well... It's all about

the shape of your teeth.

_________________________________

I got to go to Thomasville.

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MATER: Oh, well, good.

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You know me, buddy,
I'm always happy to help.

_________________________________

Think I am better at that than most folks.
You know, talkin' and stuff.

_________________________________

_________________________________

July–August 2017

_________________________________

_________________________________

(FILM REEL SCRATCHING)

_________________________________

(BACKGROUND CHATTER)

_________________________________

-Is this on?

-INTERVIEWER: That's fine.

_________________________________

I can break through walls,

I just can't...

_________________________________

-INTERVIEWER: That's fine.

-I can't get this on.

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INTERVIEWER: Mr. Incredible...

Do you have a secret identity?

_________________________________

Every superhero has a secret identity.

I don't know a single one who doesn't.

_________________________________

Who wants the pressure

of being super all the time?

_________________________________

Of course I have a secret identity.

_________________________________

Can you see me in this

at the supermarket? Come on.

_________________________________

Who'd want to go shopping

as Elastigirl, know what I mean?

_________________________________

Superladies, they're always trying

to tell you their secret identity.

_________________________________

Think it'll strengthen

the relationship or something.

_________________________________

I said, "Girl, I don't want to know

about your mild-mannered alter ego."

_________________________________

I mean, you tell me you're

a super-mega-ultra-lightning-babe,

_________________________________

that's all right with me.

I'm good. I'm good.

_________________________________

No matter how many times

you save the world,

_________________________________

it always manages to get back

in jeopardy again.

_________________________________

Sometimes I just want it to stay saved,

you know?

_________________________________

For a little bit. I feel like the maid.

"I just cleaned up this mess.

_________________________________

"Can we keep it clean

for ten minutes?"

_________________________________

INTERVIEWER:

I could get to that point.

_________________________________

-"Please?"

-INTERVIEWER: We're not finished.

_________________________________

Sometimes I think I'd just like

the simple life, you know?

_________________________________

Relax a little and raise a family.

_________________________________

Settle down? Are you kidding?

I'm at the top of my game!

_________________________________

I'm up there with the big dogs!

Girls, come on.

_________________________________

Leave the saving of the world

to the men? I don't think so.

_________________________________

I don't think so.

_________________________________

(POLICE SIREN WAILS)

_________________________________

(OVER RADIO)

We interrupt for a bulletin.

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A high-speed pursuit between police

and armed gunmen is underway,

_________________________________

traveling northbound

on San Pablo Ave.

_________________________________

 Yeah, I've got time.

_________________________________

Mr. Incredible.

_________________________________

-What is it, ma'am?

-My cat, Squeaker, won't come down.

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(CAT MEOWS)

_________________________________

Certainly. I suggest you stand clear.

There could be trouble.

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No, he's quite tame.

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(GUNFIRE)

_________________________________

(GRUNTS)

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(MEOWS)

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(BEEPING)

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(SIRENS WAIL)

_________________________________

Let go now.

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(CAT YOWLS)

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Thank you, Mr. Incredible.

You've done it again.

_________________________________

-You're the best.

-No, I'm just here to help.

_________________________________

(OVER RADIO) All units.

We have a tour bus robbery...

_________________________________

Tour bus robbery. I've still got time.

_________________________________

Officers. Ma'am. Squeaker.

_________________________________

-Cool! Ready for take-off!

-What the...

_________________________________

-Who are you supposed to be?

-I'm IncrediBoy.

_________________________________

What? No.

_________________________________

You're that kid from the fan club.

_________________________________

(STAMMERING) Brophy. Brody.

Buddy! Buddy!

_________________________________

My name is IncrediBoy.

_________________________________

I've been nice, I've stood for photos,

_________________________________

signed every scrap of paper

you pushed at me...

_________________________________

No, don't worry about training me.

I know your moves,

_________________________________

crime fighting style,

favorite catch phrases, everything!

_________________________________

I'm your number one fan!

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BUDDY: Hey! Hey, wait!

_________________________________

(MUTTERING)

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MR. INCREDIBLE: You know,

_________________________________

you can tell a lot about a woman

by the contents of her purse,

_________________________________

but maybe that's not

what you had in mind.

_________________________________

Hey, look...

_________________________________

(GRUNTS)

_________________________________

Elastigirl.

_________________________________

Mr. Incredible.

_________________________________

-It's all right. I've got him.

-Sure, you've got him.

_________________________________

-I just took him out for you.

-Sure, you did.

_________________________________

-His attention was on me.

-A fact I exploited to do my job.

_________________________________

-My job, you mean.

-A simple thank you will suffice.

_________________________________

Thanks, but I don't need any help.

_________________________________

Whatever happened to "ladies first"?

_________________________________

Well, whatever happened

to equal treatment?

_________________________________

Look, the lady got me first.

_________________________________

-Well, we could share, you know.

-I work alone.

_________________________________

Well, I think you need to be more

_________________________________

flexible.

_________________________________

Are you doing anything later?

_________________________________

I have a previous engagement.

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(WHISTLES)

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Now, you just stay here.

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They usually pick up

the garbage in an hour.

_________________________________

-FROZONE: Hey, Incredible!

-Hey, Frozone!

_________________________________

-Shouldn't you be getting ready?

-I still got time.

_________________________________

(CROWD SCREAMING)

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WOMAN: He's gonna jump!

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SANSWEET: I think

you broke something.

_________________________________

With counseling,

I think you'll come to forgive me.

_________________________________

Wait a minute.

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(SANSWEET MOANING)

_________________________________

(BEEPING)

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(BEEPING SPEEDS UP)

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(COUGHING) Bomb Voyage.

_________________________________

Mr. Incredible...!

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BUDDY: And IncrediBoy!

_________________________________
VOYAGE: IncrediBoy?

_________________________________

Aren't you curious about how I get

around so fast? I have rocket boots.

_________________________________

-Go home, Buddy. Now.

-What?

_________________________________

Little oaf...!

_________________________________

Can we talk?

_________________________________

You always say be true to yourself,

_________________________________

but you never say

which part to be true to.

_________________________________

Well, I've finally figured out who I am.

I am your ward. IncrediBoy!

_________________________________

And now, you have officially

carried it too far, Buddy.

_________________________________

This is because I don't have powers,

isn't it?

_________________________________

Not every superhero has powers,

you know.

_________________________________

You can be super without them.

_________________________________

I invented these.

I can fly. Can you fly?

_________________________________

Fly home, Buddy. I work alone.

_________________________________

And your outfit is totally ridiculous!

_________________________________

Just give me one chance!

I'll show you. I'll go get the police.

_________________________________

-Buddy, don't!

-It'll only take a second, really.

_________________________________

No, stop!

There's a bomb!

_________________________________

Let go, you're wrecking

my flight pattern.

_________________________________

-I can do this if you let go!

-Will you just...

_________________________________

-I'm trying to help! Stop!

-Let go of my cape!

_________________________________

(BEEPING)

_________________________________

(BEEPING SPEEDS UP)

_________________________________

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS)

_________________________________

Take this one home. And make sure

his mom knows what he's been doing.

_________________________________

I can help you.

You're making a mist...

_________________________________

The injured jumper.

You sent paramedics?

_________________________________

They picked him up.

_________________________________

The blast in that building

was caused by Bomb Voyage

_________________________________

who I caught robbing the vault.

_________________________________

We might nab him

if we set up a perimeter.

_________________________________

-He got away?

-Well, yeah.

_________________________________

-Skippy here made sure of that.

-IncrediBoy.

_________________________________

You're not affiliated with me!

Holy smokes, I'm late.

_________________________________

Listen, I've gotta be somewhere.

_________________________________

 -What about Bomb Voyage?

-Any other night, I'd go after him,

_________________________________

but I really gotta go. Don't worry.

We'll get him! Eventually!

_________________________________

(CHURCH ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS)

_________________________________

-Is the night still young?

-You're very late.

_________________________________

-How do I look? Good?

-The mask. You still got the mask.

_________________________________

(CRACKS NECK)

_________________________________

Showtime.

_________________________________

Robert Parr, will you have this woman

to be your lawful wedded wife?

_________________________________

You're late. When you asked

if I was doing anything later,

_________________________________

I didn't realize you'd forgotten.

I thought it was playful banter.

_________________________________

-It was.

-Cutting it close, don't you think?

_________________________________

You need to be more flexible.

_________________________________

I love you, but if we're

gonna make this work,

_________________________________

you've gotta be more

than Mr. Incredible.

_________________________________

You know that. Don't you?

_________________________________

-...so long as you both shall live?

-I do.

_________________________________

I pronounce this couple

husband and wife.

_________________________________

(PEOPLE CHEERING

AND WHISTLING)

_________________________________

As long as we both shall live.

No matter what happens.

_________________________________

Hey, come on. We're superheroes.

What could happen?

_________________________________
ANNOUNCER: In a stunning turn of

events, a superhero is being sued

_________________________________

 for saving someone who,

apparently, didn't want to be saved.

_________________________________

The plaintiff, Oliver Sansweet,

_________________________________

who was foiled in his attempted

suicide by Mr. Incredible,

_________________________________

has filed suit against the famed

superhero in Superior Court.

_________________________________

Mr. Sansweet didn't ask to be saved.

He didn't want to be saved.

_________________________________

The injury received from

Mr. Incredible's "actions,"
_________________________________

-causes him daily pain.

-I saved your life!

_________________________________

You didn't save my life!

You ruined my death.

_________________________________

 LAWYER: My client has no comment.

_________________________________
ANNOUNCER: Another suit was filed

by victims of the El train accident.

_________________________________

Incredible's court losses

cost the government millions.

_________________________________

And opened the floodgates for dozens

of superhero lawsuits the world over.

_________________________________

It is time for their secret identity

to become their only identity.

_________________________________

Time for them to join us, or go away.

_________________________________
ANNOUNCER: Under public pressure,

and the financial burden

_________________________________

of an ever mounting series of lawsuits,

_________________________________

the government quietly initiated

the Superhero Relocation Program.

_________________________________

The supers were granted amnesty

from responsibility for past actions,
_________________________________

in exchange for the promise

to never again resume hero work.

_________________________________

Where are they now?

_________________________________

They are living among us.

Average citizens, average heroes.

_________________________________

Quietly and anonymously continuing

to make the world a better place.

_________________________________

_________________________________

MAN ON TV: (FRENCH ACCENT)
Although each of the world's countries
_________________________________

would like to dispute this fact,
_________________________________

we French know the truth:
_________________________________

The best food in the world
is made in France.
_________________________________

The best food in France
is made in Paris.
_________________________________

And the best food in Paris, some say,
is made by Chef Auguste Gusteau.
_________________________________

Gusteau's restaurant
is the toast of Paris,
_________________________________

booked five months in advance.
_________________________________

And his dazzling ascent
to the top of fine French cuisine
_________________________________

has made his competitors envious.
_________________________________

He is the youngest chef ever
to achieve a five-star rating.
_________________________________

Chef Gusteau's cookbook,
Anyone Can Cook!
_________________________________

climbed to the top of the bestseller list.
_________________________________

But not everyone
celebrates its success.
_________________________________

Amusing title, Anyone Can Cook!
_________________________________

What's even more amusing is that
Gusteau actually seems to believe it.
_________________________________

I, on the other hand,
take cooking seriously.
_________________________________

And, no, I don't think anyone can do it.
_________________________________

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(LOW, PULSATING RUMBLE)
_________________________________

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)
_________________________________

(TRIUMPHANT THEME PLAYING)
_________________________________

(ORCHESTRA CRESCENDOES)
_________________________________

(PERCUSSION BOOMING)
_________________________________

We come in peace

for cats and mice everywhere.
_________________________________

(SCREAMING)
_________________________________

(GLASS BREAKS, AIR HISSING)
_________________________________

(POPPING)
_________________________________

(LAUGHING)
_________________________________

(ORCHESTRAL FANFARE PLAYING)
_________________________________

(CROWD CHEERING)
_________________________________

Hey, how you doing? Good to see you.

Thanks for coming out.
_________________________________

(PRESIDENTIAL SONG PLAYING)
_________________________________
SCRATCHY: Itchy... Itchy...

_________________________________

(AIR HORN BLASTS)
_________________________________

(QUIET, OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYS)
_________________________________

(ORCHESTRAL MUSIC

GROWS LOUDER)
_________________________________

(SNAPS FINGERS)
_________________________________

(CLICK)
_________________________________

(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)
_________________________________

(MUSIC CRESCENDOES)
_________________________________

(LOUD BUZZING)
_________________________________

(MISSILES RUMBLING)
_________________________________

(MISSILES WHIZZING

THROUGH AIR)
_________________________________

(SCREAMING)
_________________________________

(MISSILE WHIZZING)
_________________________________

(MECHANICAL RATCHETING)
_________________________________

(METALLIC CLUNK)
_________________________________

(LOUD EXPLOSION)
_________________________________

Boring!
_________________________________
LISA: Dad, we can't see the movie!

_________________________________

I can't believe we're paying to see

something we get on TV for free.
_________________________________

If you ask me, everybody

in this theater is a giant sucker,
_________________________________

especially you!
_________________________________

(CHORUS SINGING)
_________________________________

PROFESSOR FRINK:
Movie on the big screen!
_________________________________

(THEME PLAYING)
_________________________________

(CREAKING, THUD)
_________________________________

(PEN SQUEAKS)
_________________________________

(MARTIN HOWLING)
_________________________________

(ROCK BAND JOINS IN

ON THE SIMPSONS THEME)
_________________________________

(CROWD CHEERING)
_________________________________

(STRAINED GRUNTING)
_________________________________

Excuse me, my heinie is dipping.
_________________________________

-(OTHERS GROAN IN DISGUST)

-(LOUD THUD, GRUNT)
_________________________________

♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
_________________________________

♪ Hey! Hey!
_________________________________

♪ Hey! Hey!
_________________________________

(TO THE SIMPSONS THEME)

♪ Da, da, da, da-da, da, da
_________________________________

♪ Da, da-da-da-da
_________________________________

CROWD: ♪ Da-da-da-da-da

♪ Da-da-da-da! ♪
_________________________________

(SONG ENDS, CHEERING)
_________________________________

All right, well,

thanks a lot for coming.
_________________________________

We've been playing

for three and a half hours.
_________________________________

Now we'd like just a minute of your time
_________________________________

to say something

about the environment!
_________________________________

-(CROWD QUIETS)

-(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
_________________________________

(LOUD BOOING)
_________________________________

MAN 1: You suck!

MAN 2: Shut up and play!
_________________________________

-Preachy!

-We're not being preachy.
_________________________________

But the pollution in your lake,

it's dissolving our barge!
_________________________________

(CROWD BOOING)
_________________________________

I thought they touched on a vital issue.
_________________________________

I beg to differ.
_________________________________

(GRUNTS)
_________________________________

(SCREECHY GASP)
_________________________________

Gentlemen, it's been an honor

playing with you tonight.
_________________________________

(PLAYING

"NEARER MY GOD TO THEE")
_________________________________

(ORGAN PLAYING)
_________________________________

For the latest rock band

to die in our town,
_________________________________

Lord, hear our prayer.
_________________________________

CONGREGATION:

Lord, hear our prayer.
_________________________________

(CAR SCREECHES TO A HALT)
_________________________________
MARGE: I hate being late.
HOMER: Well, I hate going.

_________________________________

Why can't I worship the Lord

in my own way...
_________________________________

by praying like hell on my deathbed?
_________________________________
MARGE: Homer,

they can hear you inside.
_________________________________
HOMER: Relax. Those pious morons

_________________________________
are too busy talking
to their phony-baloney God.

_________________________________

(QUIETLY) How you doing?

Peace be with you. Praise Jebus.
_________________________________

(GRAMPA SNORING)
_________________________________

(ORGAN PLAYING QUIETLY)
_________________________________

(VIDEO GAME BEEPING)
_________________________________

-(VIDEO GAME GUNFIRE)

-(BABIES SCREAMING)
_________________________________

(VIDEO GAME SOUNDS STOP)
_________________________________

Now, today I'd like to try

something a little different.
_________________________________

I'm going to call on one of you!
_________________________________

(MAN YELPS)
_________________________________

(CHUCKLES) Now, the word

of God dwells within everyone.
_________________________________

I want you to let that word out.
_________________________________

-Let your spirit...

-FLANDERS: Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!
_________________________________

(FRUSTRATED SIGH) What is it, Ned?
_________________________________

The good Lord is telling me

to confess to something.
_________________________________

(QUIETLY)

Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay.
_________________________________

An immodest sense of pride

in our community!
_________________________________

Somebody else?
_________________________________

Let the Lord's light shine upon you.
_________________________________

-(HEAVENLY CHOIR SINGING)

-(SNORING)
_________________________________

Feel the spirit.
_________________________________

Let it out!
_________________________________

Horrible, horrible things

are going to happen!
_________________________________

And they're gonna happen to you

and you and you!
_________________________________

-And you!

-(GASPS)
_________________________________

Whoa, Nelly.
_________________________________

(GOOFY GASPING)
_________________________________

(GRUNTING)
_________________________________

(BEEP)
_________________________________

People of Springfield, heed this warning!

_________________________________

Twisted tail!
_________________________________

A thousand eyes!
_________________________________

Trapped forever!
_________________________________

(GRUNTING LIKE THREE STOOGES)
_________________________________

Dad, do something!
_________________________________

This book doesn't have any answers!
_________________________________

Beware, beware! Time is short!
_________________________________

EPA! EPA! EPA!
_________________________________

(LOUD THUD)
_________________________________

Believe me! Believe me!
_________________________________

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
_________________________________

(CONTINUES SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
_________________________________

Thanks for listening.
_________________________________

Okay, who wants waffles?
_________________________________

ALL: I do! I do! I do!
_________________________________

Wait a minute. What about Grandpa?
_________________________________

-I want syrup.

-I want strawberries!
_________________________________

Something happened to that man.
_________________________________

I'll tell you what happened to him. A

certain someone had a senior moment.
_________________________________

But that's okay, because we love him

and we got a free rug out of it.
_________________________________

What is the point of

going to church every Sunday
_________________________________

when if someone we love has a

genuine religious experience,
_________________________________

we ignore it? Right, Grandpa?
_________________________________

I want bananas on my waffles!
_________________________________

I rest my case.
_________________________________

I'm not dropping this.
_________________________________

Wait a minute! I'm still in the car.
_________________________________

Oh, right.
_________________________________

Hmm...
_________________________________

"Take out hornets' nest."
_________________________________

(HORNETS BUZZING)
_________________________________

(FRENZIED BUZZING)
_________________________________

Check. "Fix sinkhole."
_________________________________

(QUIET SUCKING)
_________________________________

(SUCKING CONTINUES)
_________________________________

-(PLOP)

-(SUCKING STOPS)
_________________________________

Check.
_________________________________

"Reshingle roof"?
_________________________________

(BIRDS CHIRPING)
_________________________________

Steady...
_________________________________

Steady...
_________________________________

-(LOUD SQUISH)

-Ow-how-how!
_________________________________

-Ow-how-how!

-(BART LAUGHING)
_________________________________

(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
_________________________________

(YELLS) Why, you little...
_________________________________

I'll teach you to laugh

at something that's funny!
_________________________________

(EXHALES) You know, we are on

the roof. We could have some fun.
_________________________________

What kind of fun?
_________________________________

How about a dare contest?
_________________________________

That sounds fun. I dare you to...
_________________________________

climb the TV antenna.
_________________________________

Piece of cake.
_________________________________

-Earthquake!

-(LAUGHING)
_________________________________

(BOTH LAUGHING)
_________________________________

(LAUGHING AND GASPS)
_________________________________

(GRUNTING)
_________________________________

Aftershock!
_________________________________

-(PLAYFUL GRUNTING)

-(BART LAUGHING)
_________________________________
FLANDERS: Homer, I don't mean to
be a nervous Pervis or anything,

_________________________________

but if he falls, couldn't that

make your boy a parapleg-erino?
_________________________________

Shut up, Flanders.
_________________________________

-Yeah, shut up, Flanders.

-Well said, boy.
_________________________________

BOTH: Yeah!
_________________________________

Steady... Steady...
_________________________________

Steady...
_________________________________
HOMER: Ah!

_________________________________

-(THUDS)

-(BART LAUGHING)
_________________________________

(KNOCKING)
_________________________________
LISA: Hello. Sorry to bother you

on a Sunday,

_________________________________

but I'm sure you're as worried about

the pollution
_________________________________
-in Lake Springfield as I am.

-(DOOR SLAMS)
_________________________________

(KNOCKING)
_________________________________
LISA: Lake Springfield has
higher levels of mercury than even...

_________________________________

(DOOR SLAMS)
_________________________________
SWEET OLD LADY: Why, it's

the little girl who saved my cat.

_________________________________
LISA: Lake Springfield is...

_________________________________

-(DOOR SLAMS)

-(SIGHS)
_________________________________

(DOORS SLAMMING)
_________________________________

(DOG YELPS)
_________________________________

(DOOR SLAMS)
_________________________________

-(BELL RINGS)

-(SHIP'S HORN BLOWS)
_________________________________

(GROANS) Oh...
_________________________________

-(DOOR CREAKS)

-Come on over, Lisa.
_________________________________

You can canvass me
as long as you want.

_________________________________

Milhouse, you don't care

about the environment.
_________________________________

Hey! I am very passionate

about the planet!
_________________________________

Say global warming is a myth!
_________________________________

It's a myth! Further study is needed!
_________________________________

(GRUNTS)
_________________________________

That's for selling out your beliefs!
_________________________________

Oh, poor Milhouse.
_________________________________

-Dream coming true.

-(KNOCKING)
_________________________________
COLIN: Are you aware that

a leaky faucet can waste over...
_________________________________

-(DOOR SLAMS)

-2,000 gallons a year.
_________________________________

-And turning off your lights can save...

-Enough energy to power Pittsburgh.
_________________________________

And if we just kept our

thermostats at 68 in winter...
_________________________________

We'd be free from our dependency

on foreign oil in 17 years!
_________________________________

-I'm Colin.

-(GASPS SOFTLY)
_________________________________

I haven't seen you at school.
_________________________________

Just moved from Ireland.

My dad's a musician.
_________________________________

-Is he...

-He's not Bono.
_________________________________

I just thought because you're

Irish and you care about...
_________________________________

He's not Bono.
_________________________________

Do you play?
_________________________________

Just piano, guitar,

trumpet, drums and bass.
_________________________________
LISA: (THINKING) He's pure gold!

For once in your life, be cool.
_________________________________

So is your name as pretty as your face?
_________________________________

Oh!
_________________________________

(SCREECHES) Ha! Ha!
_________________________________

You okay there?
_________________________________

(LISA GAGGING)
_________________________________

(CHOKING AND GIGGLING)
_________________________________

Twisted tail! A thousand eyes!

Trapped forever! EPA! EPA!
_________________________________

"EPA." What could that be?
_________________________________

I believe it's the sound

the Green Lantern made
_________________________________

when Sinestro threw him
into a vat of acid.

_________________________________

Epa!
_________________________________

Yeah. Uh, thanks for coming over.
_________________________________

Thanks for giving me

your pregnancy pants.
_________________________________

I've never known comfort like this.
_________________________________

(ELASTIC SLAPS)
_________________________________

-(BB'S PINGING)

-(HOMER GRUNTING)
_________________________________

D'oh! Oh, why did I... Oh! Suggest this?
_________________________________

(SHRIEKING) Oh! Aah!

Ow! Ee! Aah! Aah!
_________________________________

(CONTINUES SHRIEKING)
_________________________________

(TIMER DINGS)
_________________________________

All right, boy, time for the ultimate dare.
_________________________________

I dare you to skateboard

to Krusty Burger and back...
_________________________________

naked.
_________________________________

-How naked?

-Fourth base.
_________________________________

But girls might see my doodle.
_________________________________

(MOCKING) Oh, I see. Then

I hereby declare you "chicken for life."
_________________________________

Every morning, you'll wake up to
"Good morning, chicken."

_________________________________

At your wedding, I'll sing...
_________________________________

(CLUCKING WEDDING SONG)
_________________________________

(SURPRISED CLUCK)
_________________________________

(SURF ROCK PLAYING)
_________________________________

(PEOPLE GASP)
_________________________________

I like men now.
_________________________________

Don't look where I'm pointing!
_________________________________

(SIREN WAILING)
_________________________________
WIGGUM: Stop in the name of

American squeamishness!
_________________________________

-(TIRES SCREECH)

-(DRIVERS GASPING)
_________________________________

Boys, before we eat, don't forget

to thank the Lord for this bountiful...
_________________________________

Penis!
_________________________________

BOTH: Bountiful penis.
_________________________________

Amen.
_________________________________

(GLASS SQUEAKING)
_________________________________

Listen, kid, nobody

likes wearing clothes in public,
_________________________________

but, you know, it-it's the law.
_________________________________

Lunchtime!
_________________________________

You can't just leave me out here.
_________________________________

Don't worry. We found

a friend for you to play with.
_________________________________

Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
_________________________________

(HOARSELY) Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha...
_________________________________

Nelson, honey, where have you been?
_________________________________

Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
_________________________________

_________________________________
BUCK: Mmm...

_________________________________

Okay, mammals.

Let's stop here for the night.
_________________________________

Stop? What about the whole
_________________________________

end of the world collision thing?
_________________________________

Oh, asteroid's still a day off.
_________________________________

And like my grandfather used to say...
_________________________________

"Red sky at night, sailor's delight.
_________________________________

"Purple sky at night,

who moved my foot cream?
_________________________________

"I need my foot cream."
_________________________________

Grampy was a confused

and angry weasel.
_________________________________

-(JULIAN AND DIEGO LAUGHING)

-DIEGO: You are so funny, J.
_________________________________

Stop! You're funny.
_________________________________

Take it easy, my brother

from a tiger mother.
_________________________________

(BOTH LAUGHING)
_________________________________

Hasta manana, J-man.
_________________________________

What was that?
_________________________________

What was what?
_________________________________

Oh, that! It's a cool way to peace out.
_________________________________

Julian taught it to me.
_________________________________

Well, I'm glad the apocalypse

is bringing you together.
_________________________________

He's a good kid, Manny.

I like his philosophy.
_________________________________

Give him a chance. Bond with him.
_________________________________

(SINGING) So light 'em up, up, up
_________________________________

Light 'em up, up, up
_________________________________

Light 'em up, up, up
I'm on fire

_________________________________
-(GROANS)

-Bonding! That's a good idea!
_________________________________

Oh, right. Got you.
_________________________________

You take Julian.
I got an idea for Peaches.

_________________________________

(HUMMING)
_________________________________

Hey, Bro-Kid.
_________________________________

Oh, hey, Bro-Dad. You here to rock out?
_________________________________

(MIMICKING DRUMMING)
_________________________________

Okay. Instead of that...
_________________________________

how about a game before bedtime?
_________________________________

No way! You want to play

a game with me? Wow!
_________________________________

What is honored times 1,000?
_________________________________

No! Times one million?
_________________________________

'Cause whatever that equals,

is how honored I am.
_________________________________

So, is that a "yes"?
_________________________________

Yes, that's a "yes." It's the most "yes"!
_________________________________

It's like "yes" with a bunch of s's...
_________________________________

so it's like "yessssssssssssssssssss."
_________________________________

Great!
_________________________________

-(GRUNTING)

-I'll see you on the ice!
_________________________________

(CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

Happy?
_________________________________

Whoa!
_________________________________

(GRUNTING)
_________________________________

Oh, boy.
_________________________________

(CLEARS THROAT)
_________________________________

So, do you think you're ready

to go out roaming on your own?
_________________________________

I won't be alone. I'll have Julian.
_________________________________

Sure. But with asteroids flying...
_________________________________

no home to speak of
_________________________________

and absolutely no support system...
_________________________________

do you think you'll be ready for...
_________________________________

this?
_________________________________

(GASPING)
_________________________________

I'm a wittle baby.
_________________________________

(BAWLING)
_________________________________

Imagine. You're in the woods,

looking for food...
_________________________________

and your baby gets sick.
What do you do?

_________________________________

Uh...
_________________________________

No! Jiggling makes her feel worse!
_________________________________

(VOCALIZING)
_________________________________

(SCREAMS)
_________________________________

(BAWLING)
_________________________________

Oh, no! Now your older toddler
_________________________________

has a skinned knee and a stuffy nose.
_________________________________

Mommy, hold me!
_________________________________

Now your babies are crying.
_________________________________

You have no food and then
_________________________________

you come face to face

with a rabid beast!
_________________________________

(GROWLING)
_________________________________

I am a rabid beast

who gives rabies to babies.
_________________________________

(YELLING)
_________________________________

And there's an arsonist on the loose.
_________________________________

(CACKLING)
_________________________________

(SCREAMING)
_________________________________

How are you going to handle

all this without our help?
_________________________________

(BOTH BAWLING)
_________________________________

(GASPS)
_________________________________

(SCREAMING)
_________________________________

(CACKLING)
_________________________________

-Huh?

-Ah!
_________________________________

(CRYING)
_________________________________

-Ah!

-(BAWLING)
_________________________________

Peaches, out!
_________________________________

That's just the easy stuff.
_________________________________

There's a lot more we still need to cover.
_________________________________

Uh... Baby made a poopie.
_________________________________

(SPITS) I'm a method actor,

so I will need to be changed.
_________________________________
JULIAN: Oh! So close!

_________________________________

These pucks go fast.
_________________________________

Just watch the puck

all the way into the stick.
_________________________________

Oh! I did it!
_________________________________

Too bad you and Peaches
are moving away.

_________________________________

If you stayed,

we could do this all the time.
_________________________________

Okay. Show me the heat!
_________________________________

I'm like a hockey ninja!
_________________________________

Hey, Peaches!
_________________________________

Looks like you got a new hockey partner

_________________________________

to replace your dad.
_________________________________

(GRUNTING)
_________________________________

(GROANING)
_________________________________

Oh!
_________________________________

Oh, no.
_________________________________

Julian!
_________________________________

(SHIVERING)
_________________________________

Such a mystery why

he wants to move far away.
_________________________________

I didn't mean to do it.
_________________________________

It's not my fault the kid has no reflexes.
_________________________________
PEACHES:

How could you do that to him?
_________________________________

I thought you liked Julian.
_________________________________

I do like Julian.
_________________________________

Well, you don't act like it.
_________________________________

When you look at him

all you see is an obstacle.
_________________________________

Or worse, a target.
_________________________________

But I see a sweet guy...
_________________________________

who's trying his hardest to impress you.
_________________________________

-Peaches.

-No! Both of you, just stop!
_________________________________

If we survive, I'm still getting married
_________________________________

and I'm still leaving home.
_________________________________

Whether you're happy for me or not.
_________________________________

Don't give me that look. She said both.
_________________________________

That means you, too.
_________________________________

And this widdle astewoid went

wee, wee, wee, all the way home.
_________________________________

(DINO-BIRDS GASP)
_________________________________
ROGER: Hey... (YELPS)

_________________________________

Eh...
_________________________________

Because Daddy and his fwiends

saved the world.
_________________________________

_________________________________
(GUN FIRING)
_________________________________

(THUNDER RUMBLING)
_________________________________

(WOMAN SCREAMING)
_________________________________

(CLATTERING)
_________________________________

REMY: This is me.
_________________________________

I think it's apparent
I need to rethink my life a little bit.
_________________________________

What's my problem?
_________________________________

First of all, I'm a rat.
_________________________________

Which means life is hard.
_________________________________

And second, I have a highly developed
sense of taste and smell.

_________________________________
(SNIFFING)
_________________________________

Flour, eggs, sugar, vanilla bean...

_________________________________

Oh! Small twist of lemon.

_________________________________

Whoa, you can smell all that?
You have a gift.

_________________________________

REMY: This is Emile, my brother.
He's easily impressed.

_________________________________
So you can smell ingredients?
So what?
_________________________________

This is my dad. He's never impressed.

_________________________________
He also happens to be
the leader of our clan.

_________________________________
So, what's wrong
with having highly developed senses?

_________________________________
-Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don't eat that!

-What's going on here?
_________________________________

Turns out that funny smell
was rat poison.

_________________________________
Suddenly, Dad didn't think
my talent was useless.
_________________________________

I was feeling pretty good about my gift,
_________________________________

until Dad gave me a job.
_________________________________

Clean.

_________________________________

Clean.

_________________________________

That's right. Poison checker.
_________________________________
Cleanerific.

_________________________________

Cleanerino.

_________________________________

Close to godliness.

_________________________________

Which means clean.
You know, cleanliness is close to...

_________________________________

Never mind. Move on.

_________________________________

Well, it made my dad proud.
_________________________________

Now, don't you feel better, Remy?
You've helped a noble cause.

_________________________________

Noble? We're thieves, Dad.

_________________________________

And what we're stealing is,
let's face it, garbage.

_________________________________

It isn't stealing if no one wants it.

_________________________________

If no one wants it,
why are we stealing it?

_________________________________
(LECTURING)
_________________________________

Let's just say
we have different points of view.
_________________________________

This much I knew:

_________________________________
If you are what you eat,
then I only want to eat the good stuff.

_________________________________
But to my dad...
_________________________________

Food is fuel.

_________________________________

You get picky about what you put
in the tank, your engine is gonna die.

_________________________________

Now shut up and eat your garbage.

_________________________________

Look, if we're going to be thieves,
_________________________________

why not steal the good stuff
in the kitchen,
_________________________________

where nothing is poisoned?
_________________________________

First of all, we are not thieves.

_________________________________

Secondly, stay out of the kitchen
and away from the humans.

_________________________________

It's dangerous.

_________________________________

REMY: I know
I'm supposed to hate humans,
_________________________________

but there's something about them.
_________________________________

They don't just survive.
They discover, they create.
_________________________________

I mean,
just look at what they do with food.

_________________________________
GUSTEAU: (ON TV)
How can I describe it?
_________________________________

Good food is like music you can taste,
color you can smell.
_________________________________

There is excellence all around you.
_________________________________

You need only be aware to stop
and savor it.

_________________________________
REMY: Oh, Gusteau was right.
_________________________________

Oh, mmm, yeah.
_________________________________

Oh, amazing.
_________________________________

Each flavor was totally unique.
_________________________________

But combine one flavor with another,
_________________________________

and something new was created.

_________________________________
(GASPS)
_________________________________

_________________________________

Dad!
_________________________________

What seems to be the problem, officers?
_________________________________

Tell them you dared me to do it.
_________________________________

If that's true, then you should be

taking the rap here, not your son.
_________________________________

And what happens to me if it's my fault?
_________________________________

You'll have to attend

a one-hour parenting class.
_________________________________

It was all his idea!

He's out of control, I tell you!
_________________________________

I'm at my wit's end!
_________________________________

(SOBBING) It's so...
_________________________________
WIGGUM: See you in court, kid.

_________________________________

Okay, son, let's get some lunch.
_________________________________

Did you at least bring my clothes?
_________________________________

Shirt, socks, everything you need.
_________________________________

-You didn't bring my pants!

-Who am I, Tommy Bahama?
_________________________________

(SIGHS) Oh, this is

the worst day of my life.
_________________________________

The worst day of your life so far.
_________________________________

-Say, Bart?

-What do you want, Flanders?
_________________________________

If you need pants, I carry an extra pair.
_________________________________

I mean, you know how boys are,

always praying through the knees.
_________________________________

Why are you helping me?

I'm not your kid.
_________________________________

We're neighbors. I'm sure your father

would do the same for my boys.
_________________________________
HOMER: Thank you.

_________________________________

HOMER: (CHOMPING)
Mmm, mmm, mmm...
_________________________________

(MUMBLING)
_________________________________

-Hey, what's with you?

-You really want to know?
_________________________________

Of course I do.
_________________________________

What kind of a father
wouldn't care about...

_________________________________

A pig wearing a hat!
_________________________________
DIRECTOR: Action.

_________________________________

Hey, hey! It's your old pal Krusty,
for my new pork sandwich, the Klogger!

_________________________________

If you can find a greasier sandwich,

you're in Mexico!
_________________________________

(GOOFY LAUGHING)
_________________________________

Mmm!
_________________________________
DIRECTOR: And we're clear.

_________________________________

Blech! Perfect. Cut, print, kill the pig.
_________________________________

(SQUEALING)
_________________________________

What? You can't kill him

if he's wearing people clothes.
_________________________________

(SQUEALS)
_________________________________

(SQUEAKS, SNORTS)
_________________________________

(MAN SINGING

ROMANTIC POP SONG)
_________________________________

-You're coming home with me.

-(SQUEALS AND SNORTS)
_________________________________

(GUNSHOTS AND BABIES CRYING)
_________________________________

"A thousand eyes." What could that be?
_________________________________

Hmm, I'm pretty sure
a thousand is a number.

_________________________________

Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married

to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
_________________________________

Actually, it's aged me horribly.
_________________________________

Then say hello to the newest Simpson!

_________________________________

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
_________________________________

(GASPS)
_________________________________

Homer!
_________________________________

(QUIET GRUNT)
_________________________________

I believe what happened in church

was a warning about precisely this.
_________________________________

Please, get rid of that pig!
_________________________________

Oh, you're gonna love him.

Look, he does an impression of you.
_________________________________

(SQUEALS LOUDLY)
_________________________________

(GRUNTING)
_________________________________

(LAUGHING) You nailed her.
_________________________________

He also does me.
_________________________________

(BELCHES)
_________________________________

(MARGE LAUGHING)
_________________________________

You smiled! I'm off the hook!
_________________________________

Ooh.
_________________________________

(HOMER HUMMING)
_________________________________

Oh, you have so many looks.
_________________________________

(PLOPPER SNORTS)
_________________________________

(SIGHS)
_________________________________

(KISSING)
_________________________________

(VACUUM WHIRRING)
_________________________________

Hmm, so that's what snug is.
_________________________________
HOMER: Who's a good pig?

_________________________________

(BLOWING RASPBERRIES)
_________________________________

Who's a good pig?
_________________________________
FLANDERS: Rough day, huh, son?

_________________________________

You don't know what rough is, sister.
_________________________________

(CHUCKLES)
_________________________________

Bart, you know, whenever my boys

bake up a batch of frownies,
_________________________________

I take them fishing.
_________________________________

Does your dad ever take you fishing?
_________________________________

-(ELECTRICAL BUZZING)

-Dad!
_________________________________

It's not fair to use a bug zapper
to catch the fish.

_________________________________

If you love fish like I do,

you want them to die with dignity.
_________________________________

(LOUD ZAPPING)
_________________________________

(GURGLING)
_________________________________

I think I have a nibble. (SCREAMS)
_________________________________

-(ELECTRICAL CRACKLING)

-(SCREAMING)
_________________________________

-(SCREAMING)

-(ELECTRICAL CRACKLING)
_________________________________

-(ELECTRICAL CRACKLING)

-(SCREAMING)
_________________________________

I think fishing might be
more fun with you.

_________________________________

Oh, great. Now, how about

I fix you some cocoa?
_________________________________

No way, cocoa's for wusses.
_________________________________

Well, sir, if you change your mind,

it's on the windowsill.
_________________________________

(GRUNTS)
_________________________________

(SLURPING)
_________________________________
BART: Oh, my God.

_________________________________

Oh, wait. I didn't tell you the

best part. He loves the environment.
_________________________________

Oh, wait, I still didn't tell you

the best part. He's got an Irish brogue.
_________________________________

No, no, wait, wait!
I still didn't tell you the best part!

_________________________________

He's not imaginary.
_________________________________

Oh, honey, that's great.
_________________________________

But the very best thing
is that he listens to you.

_________________________________

Because nothing means more
than for a man to...
_________________________________

How did the pig tracks
get on the ceiling?
_________________________________

HOMER: (SINGING) Spider Pig
♪ Spider Pig
_________________________________

♪ Does whatever a Spider Pig does
_________________________________

♪ Can he swing from a web?
_________________________________

♪ No, he can't, he's a pig
_________________________________

♪ Look out
He is the Spider-Pig

_________________________________

_________________________________